1970: The Shadow Warriors – Chapter Ten

Title: The Shadow Warriors
Author: Shadow knight1121
Media: Comics
Topic: Justice League
Genre: Crime/Mystery
URL: Chapter 10
Critiqued by BatJamags (GoodJamags) and Kane

Hello once again, patrons! I’m your guest host, BatJamags, and I’m back with more of The Shadow Warriors, the fic that I’m just about to take a break from!

The fic from which I’m just about to take a break!

There, that’s better. The point is, it’s chapter 10! Let’s get started with the (probably boring) author’s note!

Chapter 10: Another Day

These chapter titles are becoming a goldmine of references.

Authors Note: Okay another chapter I thank you all for the reviews and ocs and I hope you enjoy this chapter.

Disclaimer: I do not own Batman.

Kane: Frankly, my dear, I don’t give a damn.

GAH! How’d you get in here?!

Kane: *Gestures toward the Door*

I mean, I guess that makes sense.

Ronin was currently typing away on the computer as Thomas was meditating in his private quarters. They waited for their friends to return from the party which they did not attend because they always felt out of place at these sorts of things. Ronin was currently going over the events that happened at the party when Jayden stormed into the room.

So Weeaboo knew what happened, but didn’t show up when crap was going down?

Kane: And yet somehow, I fail to be surprised.

He only wore his shirt and pants as he was currently trying to rip his tie off as everyone else soon followed. He angrily grabbed a bottle of vodka and a shot glass as he plopped down on the couch of the living room.

Kane: Now may not be the best time for more alcohol, Edgelord.

“Hey guys how you doing?” Ronin asked.

What do you think?

Jayden grunted as he did a shot.

Kane: Ah, so Warney is feeling inarticulate, I see.

“That bad?” Ronin asked.

Better than the first eight chapters.

“Joker crashed the party and we ended pretty fast thanks to safety features Thanatos added.” Flynn said.

Kane: I have no idea what this cretin is trying to communicate, but it was stated above that Weeaboo already knew what happened.

“Then Batman and his crew came in and we started to fight.” Marcas said.

And you got rekt, m9.

“No, you stood there like a schmuck and did nothing.” Jayden grunted as he did another shot.

Like I said, you got rekt, m26.5.

“I work for you and my loyalty lies with you, but I will not get involved with trivial matters.” Marcas said.

Kane: He may win me over yet.

Who, Comrade Communist? Nah. He’s not coming back from the shooting-the-bullets incident.

“He attacked me Marcas.” Jayden grunted.

No, he was attackin’ ye, Cap’n Edgelord. Yer Marcas was fine.

Yarr.

Kane: Cease this foolishness at once.

“No, he stopped you from killing clown you attacked him.” He said. “If it were other way around I would have helped you.”

Kane: This point has been more than made.

“Just lend a hand next time I know you have your principles but when your crew is in trouble you lend a hand to your comrade okay?” Jayden sighed.

No, he’s the comrade.

“Da.” Marcas replied.

See? Look how stereotypically Russian he is! He inserts random Russian words into his speech even though he’s perfectly fluent in English! I mean, if I went to France, I wouldn’t throw random English words out unless I didn’t know the translation.

“Anyways, Shadow and Batman got into a scuffle and well…Gordon got involved and Jayden had to ditch.” Hilary asked as she plopped herself on Flynn’s lap.

Kane: Fortunately.

“How the hell did Batman know that mercury was my weakness though?” Blaze asked.

Do I really need to spell this out for you?

Kane: For the sake of argument, let us suppose you do.

BECAUSE HE’S BATMAN!

“Jason.” Jayden groaned as Jason looked over to Blaze.

“Because he’s Batman.” Jason chuckled.

Shut up, I thought of it first.

“Ah don’t worry kid, we’ll get him back.” Sam groaned.

No you won’t.

“Hey you alright man,” Blaze asked. “You’ve been kind of distant.”

Kane: I hadn’t noticed.

It wasn’t described very well. Or at all.

“Yeah, just have a little girl trouble.” Sam admitted.

Your trouble is our extraction candidate.

“Oh,” Blaze asked slyly as he leaned closer. “A lucky little lady getting the old fire going?”

Both: *Sigh*

“Nah, that’s the problem. We used to be boyfriend and girlfriend but now she doesn’t want anything to do with me.” He pouted.

Kane: How tragic.

“So, what are you gonna do?” Blaze asked.

Hopefully nothing.

“Nothing.” He deadpanned.

Good boy. Unfortunately, I’m all out of cookies.

“Wimp.” Jayden grunted. Sam shot a glare at him.

Kane: So is this what passes for conflict?

Frequently.

“What was that?” He snapped.

Oh, this is one of those “The Stus yell at each other for a little while and then resolve it without the plot moving forward at all” chapters.

Kane: There are enough of them that you can term it “one of those?”

Yeah.

Kane: … There are only ten chapters thus far.

Yeah.

“You’re so afraid that you’ll lose her forever so you won’t do anything.” Jayden slurred. Sam could already tell he was loaded.

Kane: You are just now realizing this, are you?

“What do you know your girl fell for you in an instant and still loves you!” Sam snapped.

OH NO PLEASE DON’T DO THE LOVE AND BULLETS THING!

“What you think we never had a spat here or there well there was.” He grumbled as he did another shot.

OH GOD THEY’RE DOING THE LOVE AND BULLETS THING!

Kane: What is the Love and Bullets thing?

It’s where they’re all like…

Strawman: Thing that is objectively true but the author doesn’t want to admit!

And then the other person’s all like…

S(t)u(e): OMG NO IT’S NOT!

And then it’s like…

*Unrelated flashback*

“There was one time when she told me she hated me. It was a year after we met I was eighteen and she was seventeen. I still had some time before I could get access to my money so we were currently living in a halfway house. One summer it was hot as balls so me and her went over to a gas station and grabbed a couple of slushies’ to try and keep cool. Next thing you know it this fucking punk comes over and grabs her ass. Ally turns to him, opens up his pants and dumps the slushy down his pants.” He laughed causing Sam and Blaze to laugh as well. “Then he smacked her, so I did what I had to do. I curbed the little spic. I shattered his teeth and broke his jaw taught him to respect women. Ally, she was afraid of me then soon didn’t want anything to do with me. I had to do my best to make up with her. I talked to her, begged her and anything else I could do to come back. She eventually forgave me but the point is you have to take the initiative and get her back. Otherwise you be alone for the rest of your life wondering what the hell happened.”

Kane: Wake up, GoodJamags. The flashback is over.

Meh? Oh, OK.

Sam took what Jayden said as Blaze gave him a questionable look. Sam smiled and looked back over to Jayden who was slumped down in his chair passed out. Blaze and Sam laughed as the two carried their drunken leader off to bed.

Drunk people are funny.

The next day Sam waited outside the doors of his school as he patiently waited for Kris. He looked through the crowd when he finally spotted her by short blonde hair. Sam rushed over to her and grabbed her by her hand leading her away from the crowd.

Why does he always get her attention in the creepiest ways possible?

*A hand reaches out of the darkness and grabs onto GoodJamags’ shoulder*

GAH!

BadJamags: Sorry, man.

What are you doing up here?!

BadJamags: Just wanted to see if you had any more redemption cookies I could have.

No. Get back to your basement.

BadJamags: I mean, I’ll be taking over when you’re done, so I might as well just watch.

The two stopped around the corner in the parking lot and Sam finally looked Kris in her blue eyes.

Kane: Thank the eldritch forces worming their way inward from the margins of the known universe. If the author hadn’t told us, we’d never have known what color this pointless love interest’s eyes were.

“Sam, what’s wrong?” She asked.

Sam Motherfuckin’ Jackson: I got lectured by a drunk guy, so I’m talking to you.

“Look, I’m sorry about all that stuff I said about how you didn’t care and anything about our past.” Sam admitted. “You were right about everything.”

Alright, this is good…

“No, I’m sorry,” She pouted. “Truth is you were right I was trying to forget my past. I went to school, made friends and tried my best to convince myself that what happened was over and that I couldn’t spend the rest of my life worrying about it. So, I’m sorry.”

And that’s bad, for… some reason.

“You got nothing to be sorry about,” Sam said as he wrapped his arms around her and she came to him willingly. “You did the right thing trying to move on while I’ve been harboring this grudge.”

You made this point a couple paragraphs ago.

“I am glad your back Sam.” She smiled as she hugged him back.

Kane: Now doesn’t seem to be the best time to complement the fool on his back.

BadJamags: *Snerk*

I hate both of you.

“Me too, I mean about you being back.” He smiled.

OK, move on from this scene now.

They stayed like this for a few minutes before someone ran around the corner.

Kane: They had better watch where they’re going.

“Hey Kris are you-oh!” A new voice gasped.

Kane: Is this voice not related to the unknown figure emerging from the corner?

Sam and Kris looked over to see Sarina standing there in shock.

Ah, ?, the queen of needlessly mysterious entrances.

“I’m so sorry I didn’t mean to interrupt.” She apologized.

No, by all means, as long as you’re as well-written now as you were before.

“It’s alright Sarina this is,”

I think you a word there. And an attribution.

Kane: The question is, which of these two is  in disguise?

“Hey I know you,” Sam interrupted. “You’re that girl from the party Sarina Gibson.”

Kane: It’s rude to interrupt people, Samuel. Keep that up, and I’ll be forced to feed you to .

“Yeah and your that guys brother, Sam Jackson right.” She asked.

OK, seriously with the endless introductions.

“Yeah, I didn’t know you went to school here.” Sam said. “You and Kris are friends?”

Sam Motherfuckin’ Jackson: I somehow haven’t noticed you even once until now.

“Yup, BFF’s for life.” Sarina giggled.

Kane: Best friends forever for life?

*Alarms blare*

Kane, how do you know what “BFF” stands for?

Kane: Don’t ask. Oh, and I believe you wanted me to remind you to turn off the boulder trap?

*Muffled screaming*

Hold off on that, actually. I haven’t gotten around to that Indiana Jones reenactment I was planning on yet.

BadJamags: How? How do you keep them from getting in?

I have no idea what you’re talking about.

BadJamags: Don’t tell me you didn’t plan that Sen’s Fortress bullshit.

Please, BJ, it’s Raiders of the Lost Ark bullcrap. I already explained that part.

“We met a few years ago when I was the new girl. I felt out of place and she took notice of me and we’ve been friends ever since.”

Cool story bro. Don’t tell it again.

“Cool, listen I have to go but um can I see you later?” Sam asked.

“Yeah, I’ll see you later.” Kris blushed as her and Sarina walked away giggling.

Kane: Why is the troglodyte not assaulting the computer?

Eh, I read ahead and preemptively tranquilized him. He’ll wake up whenever he’s needed for a joke.

Later that night the team was currently looking over any crimes or disturbances they might have missed as they watched Breeze skim through records multiple alarms started going off. Breeze started typing rapidly as the team rushed over.

I love how vague their activities are. It’s obvious the author just needs them to be doing a thing, so he just comes up with some bullcrap and doesn’t back it up with any details.

“We’ve got multiple incidents going on throughout Gotham.” She exclaimed. “We got a train going off the rails we have a hostage situation over at the hospital, and a turf war between cops and Joker’s crew.”

Kane: My impression was that this wasn’t abnormal for this city.

It’s really not. And besides, if cops are involved, it’s really not a turf war, since technically the entire city is their turf.

“Okay, go time people,” Shadow said. “Thanatos, Red and I will take care of the train, Reaper, Hitgirl and Breeze you handle the hostage situation and Gauntlet, Phoenix, Dusk and Ronin handle the turf war. Assholes and elbows people!”

What’s an elbows person?

Kane: I doubt you want to know.

Everyone moved out and made their way to their destinations.

Kane: Thrilling action.

The Gotham monorail was flying like a rocket down the tracks the only inhabitants on the train were the doctors from Arkham Asylum. Red Crosshairs was driving the jet bike which Shadow named the raven as Shadow took the back seat and Thanatos followed next to them.

No, but seriously, why does the jet bike need to have a pretentious name?

And why do they have a jet bike?

Kane: And why were the doctors from the asylum on a train with no one else?

Yeah, weren’t there any guards?

“Red, get me close to the front car!” Shadow ordered as Red flew in close. “Thanatos, use your laser cutter to make and entrance for me.”

*Rubs forehead* The fic’s going to try to do another action scene, isn’t it?

Thanatos pointed his right hand at the roof of the front car as a small white laser beam fired out and cut a hole in the roof. The broken circular roof tile fell into the car as Shadow jumped in the main car. He quickly rushed into the main controls to see that they were smashed.

Kane: Which would clearly cause a well-designed vehicle to go faster, rather than stopping it.

“Dammit!” Shadow yelled as the doctors in the passenger seats started freaking out. “Thanatos, Red the controls are smashed I can’t stop it.”

“Shit, what are you going to do?” Thanatos asked.

I love how Iron Punisher acknowledges that only the Alpha Stu can save the day.

“Red, use the harpoon tow cables and fire the at the back of the car and drive the bike backwards. Thanatos, get to the front of the car and try your best to slow it down!”

You’re going to stop a train with a motorcycle? *Snerk*

Kane: There’s also the one in the armor.

True, but if he’s strong enough, the motorcycle’s not really adding anything here.

“Got it!” Thanatos said.

Red went to the back of the car and fired the cables into the back of the car. He then set his bike in reverse trying his best to slow it down as Thanatos moved to the front and set his feet on the rails and his hands on the cart. He put all the energy he had in his jets as he pushed as hard as he could. Meanwhile on the inside Shadow was charging up his Adonis power.

No, but seriously, why wouldn’t the train just stop if there’s nothing controlling it? You kind of need energy and input to make things go, but they stop on their own just fine.

BadJamags: *Conveniently waking up now that he’s needed for a joke* Physics, motherfuckers.

“Okay, here goes nothing.” He said as he drew his sword and stuck it into the control board.

Kane: Certainly, further damaging the vessel’s controls is the only logical way of fixing the problem.

Electricity surged through his body as he absorbed the power from the train. His body cackled in a mixture of blue and red as the train lights started to flicker on and off. The train then started to slow down as both Red and Thanatos cooled down their jets as the train came to a complete stop.

So, the other two didn’t do anything and were just given jobs to make them feel better while Edgelord did all the work?

Jayden fell on his back from exhaustion as Red and Thanatos made their way in.

Oh, don’t you pull that “Stuperpowers burn you out” bullcrap right now. Edgelord is incompetent enough as it is.

“Are you okay boss?” Red asked as he helped him up.

Kane: From what I’ve seen, he’s a rather worthless boss, actually.

“Y-Yeah, just burned myself out.” Shadow panted. “How’s the train?”

It crashed and exploded in a massive fireball.

Kane: But-

EVERYONE IS DEAD!

“Wrecked, but nothing that can’t be fixed.” Thanatos said.

Train wrecks are known for being fixable and survivable.

“Okay, let’s get these hostages out of here.” He said as he helped cut free the hostages.

“Thank you we owe you our lives.” One of the hostages thanked.

“What happened?” Shadow asked.

Kane: It’s quite easy to tell which parts of the story the author didn’t care about.

Yeah, it gets very rushed when the Dork Patrol isn’t upstaging anyone.

“We are the new Doctors of Arkham Asylum,” He explained. “We all got on the same plane and came here when some guys wearing clown mask came and abducted us. They rounded us up on the train and started to mess with the controls. Before the train started moving they smashed the controls and ditched us. The rest…well you did the rest.”

First of all, Arkham imports doctors?

BadJamags: Damn foreigners, taking all of our jobs. We should bui- *ERROR: WEEKLY TRUMP JOKE QUOTA REACHED* BUT I HAVEN’T EVEN MADE ANY IN A WHILE! By the time this goes up, it’ll barely even be topical anymore!

I may have set the quota to -1.

“Clown mask’s…Joker.” Shadow growled.

Nice deduction, there, Holmes.

“Why would the clown do something like this, what could he possibly gain from Arkham by doing this?” red Crosshairs asked.

Kane: The clown doesn’t usually have a motivation for his actions, does he?

“He’s the Joker why does he do anything? Because it’s fun.” Thanatos said. He then noticed that Shadow was deep in thought. “What do you make of this Shadow?”

Something inane but vaguely cool sounding.

“I think this goes a lot deeper than we think.” Shadow admitted as they exited the train.

Boom.

Meanwhile at the hospital Breeze and Reaper were trying their best to keep Joker’s men from executing a poor nurse.

Kane: The rich nurse, on the other hand, was already bleeding out on the floor.

“Let her go or I swear I’ll have my friend cleave you in two!” Breeze warned as the thug chuckled.

Yay murder.

“What’s the matter girlie, don’t have the stomach to kill me yourself?” He asked.

Nah, it’s because she woman and she not do things.

“No I don’t,” Breeze admitted. “I will break every bone in your body and leave you to die slowly and painfully.” The thug let out a gulp as he threw the nurse at her.

Kane: You could have led with this, of course. Escalating threats convey desperation.

“Okay, take the chick she isn’t worth this crap.” He said in a shaky voice.

He actually went with that? Geez, this guy gives up easy.

“Speaking of which what are you doing here there’s nothing to gain?” Reaper asked.

Kane: Being generically and uncreatively evil.

“No, except killing you.” The nurse chuckled as the two recognized the voice.

I’m guessing this is Harley Quinn, so didn’t they recognize her?

Just then they felt a jolt of electricity surge through their bodies as two thugs grabbed them from behind. The nurse pulled off her mask to reveal herself to be Harley Quinn. He then snapped her fingers as another thug brought Hitgirl in.

In fact, why did they even need Harley, if two random thugs can just grab these two and hold them?

“Sorry guys, they knew I would be on the roof across the street.” Hitgirl grumbled.

Kane: It’s almost as if that’s a terribly obvious location for a ranged fighter to position herself, and, as someone who regularly engages in ranged combat, you should have been prepared for an assault on your position.

“Sorry kiddies, Mista Jay has been on to you for weeks,” Harley said as she took Reaper’s scythe. “He had this whole plan to lure you and your friends into false traps to kill ya. Now that you’re here I think I’ll kill ya myself.”

Monologuing? Really?

“You couldn’t kill a damn fly Quinn.” Hitgirl snapped.

Kane: She’s got you at her mercy. Unfortunately, she’s going to continue indulging in generic, impractical villainy until you execute an escape.

“Also, you alone are not enough to take us down.” Reaper said in a monotone voice. “You are just bait.”

No, really, tell me more about how the person who just captured you isn’t good enough to beat you.

Harley grumbled as she pointed Reapers scythe in his face.

“You better watch it bub,” She warned.

Did Harley Quinn just turn into Wolverine?

“At least I don’t have a freaking crocodile for a father!”

BadJamags: OH SHIT!

Get the fire extinguisher, because somebody just got roasted!

Kane: It was really not much of a crushing ret-

That’s the joke, Kane.

Reaper let out a low growl as the lights suddenly went out. Everyone started to panic as the sound of grunts filled the room. The lights came back on to reveal that the thugs were all knocked out. Quinn’s ears perked as she heard the clicking of heels. She turned around slowly and her eyes widened to see Breeze, Hitgirl and Reaper standing behind the master thief herself.

Raya Sue?

“C-Catwoman?” Harley stuttered. Catwoman quirked an eyebrow playfully as Breeze stood next to her. “What are you doing here?”

Oh, you dragged poor Catwoman into this, didn’t you?

“Breezy here, asked me to come help in case you caught wind of her plan to jump you.” She said as she rubbed Breeze’s head.

Kane: I take it there are many reasons why this is illogical?

Not the least of which is Catwoman concerning herself with these idiots.

“Why should you care about some brat?” Harley snapped.

Exactly.

BadJamags: Hey, brats are delicious!

Pictured: The food of my people. Kind of.

“Two reasons, one I like her and two I had rescued her from the brothel she was kidnapped in.” Catwoman snarled as she glared at Harley.

Well, there’s no need to exposit your contrived backstory at her.

Harley took the scythe and rushed at the trio as Catwoman casually pulled out her whip and snatched the weapon away from her. With one powerful thrust she sent the weapon across the room as Reaper casually snatched it.

Kane: What weapon? The farming implement?

I prefer to think of it as a sniper rifle.

Kane: I believe you already made that joke.

Shut up, I’m making it again.

“Um…Help?” Harley whispered.

Who are you saying that to?

Outside on the rooftop above the four looked down at the SWAT teams as they brought each criminal including Quinn into the trucks. Breeze looked over at Catwoman who was casually sitting on the ledge of the roof kicking her legs back and forth.

All of the bad guys have been subdued. There’s no reason to waste multiple SWAT teams when there are so many other situations going on right now.

“Thanks for your help Selina.” Breeze said.

Kane: Now apologize for involving her in this story.

“Don’t worry I wouldn’t let anything happen to you.” Selina said as she pinched Ally’s cheeks.

How vomit-inducingly cute.

“How do you two know each other?” Hitgirl asked.

Kane: We already heard. Please don’t explain it further.

“When I first came to Gotham I was kidnapped by Falcone’s men,” Breeze explained. “They had me as a working girl on the streets when a certain someone spotted my pimp abusing me. After she kicked their asses she took me under her wing. She taught me how to sneak, fight and use my body as a weapon.”

Both: *Sigh*

“Wait, how did you meet Shadow then?” Reaper asked. Breeze looked away bashfully as she continued.

My god. They’re actually de-aging before our very eyes. They’ll be preschoolers by the end of the chapter.

“It’s actually a little embarrassing,” She said sheepishly. “As a thank you to Selina I wanted to take down a brothel and free a few girls but ended up getting abducted again. Shadow saw me get kidnapped he came in broke a few legs here and there and I fell for him just like Selina fell in love with Batman.”

1: You suck.

2: Was this the incident from the first chapter, or was that you getting kidnapped a third time? Don’t make me change your nickname again.

3: It’s really nothing like Selina and Bruce at all. Like… at all. I don’t even see how you’re making that comparison.

“Wow.” Hitgirl said unimpressed.

Kane: At least someone has some sense in this conversation.

“Shut up.” Breeze said.

Nuh-uh, you shut up!

Kane: GoodJamags is de-aging faster than the characters…

“Yes, love is strange,” Selina swooned. “But what was Joker hoping to accomplish? Even if I didn’t show up you could have taken Quinn out no problem.”

Kane: That’s an odd thing to swoon.

“I don’t know, maybe he thought we wouldn’t be much trouble for Quinn to handle.” Breeze said.

And rightly so, considering the fact that she captured all of you easily.

Because you all suck.

“No, there something else going on.” Hitgirl stated.

“The question is what?” Reaper pondered.

I’m not intrigued, curious, or even interested. So stop trying to make this sound like a BIG MISTUREE.

Across town Dusk and Ronin were beating down multiple clown thugs as Phoenix and Gauntlet took care of the fires in the streets. Dusk smacked his tonfa across one thugs head and Ronin fired a stun shuriken into another thug’s stomach. The two were back to back as more thugs surrounded him.

Oh. Boring action. Haven’t seen that before in this fic.

“Where the hell does Joker find these guys?” Ronin asked.

Kane: Probably summons them from the realms beyond reality.

*Looks at Kane*

Kane: It’s how I’d do it.

“Arkham, guess while he’s not thinking of escape plans he’s doing a recruitment drive.” Dusk said as he smacked his tonfa across a thugs face.

Eh, no. Again, Arkham is a mental hospital. Most of the people there aren’t really going to make good two-bit goons. Oh, and snip a boring fight.

The team regrouped back at the mansion as they went over tonight’s events. Breeze was going over police reports and any other situations that had happened around town. The rest of the team was sitting in the war room discussing the Joker’s methods.

“Okay, a runaway train, a false hostage situation and a turf war….What the fuck?” Hitgirl asked.

Kane: We read the story, author.

“I don’t get it what the hell is going on,” Gauntlet asked. “Joker wants something the question is what?”

Attention, most likely. That seems to fit his character, at least.

“Maybe he was just trying to kill us?” Phoneix said casually as he slammed another soda.

Kane: What makes you think the situation was meant for you?

And where were the seventeen billion other heroes who operate out of Gotham anyway?

“No, these were well timed and highly dangerous,” Red said. “He wanted them to get everyone’s attention away from something.”

Wait, the fact that these events were carefully planned means that they weren’t the end goal on their own?

“He kidnapped doctors and strapped them on a runaway train, he kicked a bunch of doctors out and swapped a nurse with Quinn and started burning down buildings. Is there anything else we missed?” Ronin asked. Thanatos read the data files on his wrist as he looked down the list.

Kane: These vigilantes seem to miss a great deal of crimes.

Because they suck.

“There was a riot at Blackgate Prison, a few precincts and…Arkham.” Thanatos grumbled.

I- but- he- they-

You know what Blackgate Prison is?!

THEN WHY DID YOU KEEP TALKING ABOUT NON-INSANE CRIMINALS GOING TO ARKHAM?!

“An escape attempt of course!” Reaper exclaimed.

Buddy, Arkham’s idea of security is a revolving door with an “In case of incarceration, break glass,” sign hanging next to it. He didn’t need to plan that many attacks just to leave the asylum.

“Crap, Breeze you think we can get a report of any kidnappings?” Dusk asked.

Kane: I don’t see how kidnappings are related to the situation.

“Already done,” She gloated. “According to the police reports only one report of a kidnapping has been reported.”

*Blaring alarms blare alarmingly*

Oh no! It’s the DRD and the DRD! If I didn’t leave the spike pits of spikes which are in pits uncovered, they’ll certainly break in and kill us after breaking in to kill us!

*Muffled screaming*

But I did leave them uncovered, so we’re good.

“Gibson.” Shadow whispered.

Mel?

Kane: Doubtful.

“You mean the doctor or the girl?” Gauntlet asked.

There are a lot of Gibsons out there, though.

“The doctor, she was kidnapped and reported missing by Sarina.” Breeze stated.

Kane: So this was the clown’s plan? To cause needless destruction and chaos in order to facilitate one abduction?

I wouldn’t completely put it past him, but the Joker’s insane, not incompetent.

“Dammit, now we have a hostage situation.” Hitgirl growled as she checked her guns.

Shadow was deep in thought about the situation at hand when something came to his attention.

Which is completely different from the other hostage situation because the hostage is a named character.

“Hey Breeze, could you do me a favor and do a background check on the doc and the girl.” Shadow asked.

Kane: And what purpose would that serve?

She nodded as she typed rapidly into her keyboard. After a few minutes Gibson’s file came up and breeze read it out loud.

Her vaguely-defined file, which just kind of exists to be found.

“Doctor Gibson head doctor in Arkham Asylum, she has a partner Dr. Hoenheim whose daughter is a friend of Sarina’s and she’s the one in charge of Joker’s files.” She stated matter-o-factly.

Dr. Hoenheim’s daughter is in charge of Joker’s files? Antecedents, author.

“Make’s sense.” Red said.

Kane: Did you expect it not to?

“Too much sense, what about the girl?” Shadow asked.

“Nothing much, born without parents adopted by Gibson goes to school has friends and is a B+ student.”

Pft. B+? Amateur.

Kane: I’m not certain an amateur student is a valid concept.

It is now.

“You think Joker is fascinated with her?” Reaper asked.

He says that like “fascinated” is an objectively identifiable relation to someone.

“Yeah, don’t you remember how he acted with her at the party?” Shadow asked.

Kane: It wouldn’t be unreasonable for the clown to have some sort of vendetta after the party’s embarrassment.

“Yeah, yeah he was completely focused on her he didn’t even care about the Doctor.” Reaper said.

“Where’s the girl now?” Ronin asked as he approached the computer.

How do you expect her to find this information? Not everything can be accessed by just typing into a computer.

“She was at the police precinct.” Breeze said.

“‘Was’ what do you mean ‘was’?” Shadow asked.

“Dammit she was kidnapped!” Dusk snapped.

Kane: You have no reason to assume this. In fact, it seems likely that the Joker has kidnapped the girl’s mother in order to bait Sarina into doing something.

“Not according to the police cameras, I just hacked into the footage and it shows her willingly leaving the precinct.” Breeze said.

See? These paranoid idiots can’t even stop shouting at each other long enough to get the facts.

Everyone looked at the blonde haired teen as she carefully snuck out of the precinct. The vid was blurry but they could see she was currently holding an envelope under her shoulder. She disappeared into the corner of the camera as Shadow rubbed the bridge of his nose.

Actually, Kane’s theory seems to be spot-on. When I get back to this, I’m going to bring some more redemption cookies (multiple because BJ will probably eat most of them) for how surprisingly well the author’s handling the Joker.

“What the hell is going on Shadow?” Gauntlet asked.

“I don’t know Sam, but this girl is somehow managed to get herself involved with possibly the worse criminal in the damn world.” Shadow groaned.

“Another day in paradise right?” Hitgirl said.

“Yup just another day.” Reaper said.

Wow, you were really stretching for a chapter title there. Anyway, I’m going to punch out for the time being so that BJ can explore another fandom when we come back next time.

*SLAM!*

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53 Comments on “1970: The Shadow Warriors – Chapter Ten”

  1. Anne Eyewitness says:

    “Wimp.” Jayden grunted. Sam shot a glare at him.

    In this scene Edgey-poo calls Sam Jackson a wimp for not forcing himself on a girl who’s clearly not interested in him. A real hero.

  2. AdmiralSakai says:

    These chapter titles are becoming a goldmine of references.

    Which would be great if there was any indication they were intentional, or if they related to the actual content of the chapter in any way, shape, or form.

  3. AdmiralSakai says:

    Ronin was currently typing away on the computer as Thomas was meditating in his private quarters.

    Hmm… that doesn’t seem quite accurate.

    Ronin was flaming Batman supporters on the computer as Thomas was masturbating in his private quarters.

    Much better.

  4. AdmiralSakai says:

    He only wore his shirt and pants

    No socks, shoes, or undergarments?

  5. Anne Eyewitness says:

    Red Crosshairs was driving the jet bike which Shadow named the raven…

    Shadow desperately wanted to feel like he’d contributed something to the jet bike, but was too incompetent to actually add anything to the design, construction or even styling of the bike. For a man of Shadow’s extremely limited talents, naming it was the only job available. And he still messed it up.

  6. AdmiralSakai says:

    “No, he stopped you from killing clown you attacked him.” He said. “If it were other way around I would have helped you.”

    At this point, I’m not sure whether to attribute Marcas’s Tarzan grammar to Тне Яцssiап Sтеяеотуре or just the Shitty Author Stereotype.

  7. AdmiralSakai says:

    “Oh,” Blaze asked slyly as he leaned closer. “A lucky little lady getting the old fire going?”

    Someone seems to have confused Blaze with Don Draper.

  8. Anne Eyewitness says:

    And why do they have a jet bike?

    Gerald Allnut massaged his temples as he stared at the crude napkin doodle of a man riding a flying motorcycle on the desk before him. It had been a long day, made even longer by the constant interruptions from his boss. No matter how many times he had been told that it would be impractical, a waste of company resources and near impossible to build, Jayden Warney had continued to whine about his jet bike and how cool and edgy it would be. “I signed up to do serious work in R&D…” Gerald muttered grimly, reaching for his flask while glaring at the sketch. “Not to build some rich kid’s pet projects…”. Gerald shook his head and got to work translating the sketch to reality, hoping that this would shut Jayden up and wishing that he had taken that job his brother found with Batman.

    It didn’t work, Jayden was back the next week whining about an underwater motorcycle.

  9. Anne Eyewitness says:

    “No, except killing you.” The nurse chuckled as the two recognized the voice.

    It was… the Joker!

  10. AdmiralSakai says:

    this fucking punk comes over and grabs her ass. Ally turns to him, opens up his pants and dumps the slushy down his pants.”

    This fucking punk has a rather slow reaction time.

  11. AdmiralSakai says:

    I curbed the little spic.

  12. AdmiralSakai says:

    “Then he smacked her, so I did what I had to do. I curbed the little spic. I shattered his teeth and broke his jaw taught him to respect women.

    Doesn’t Alloy also have superpowers? Why can’t she do this herself?

    Oh.

    Right.

  13. AdmiralSakai says:

    The next day Sam waited outside the doors of his school as he patiently waited for Kris. He looked through the crowd when he finally spotted her by short blonde hair.

    Why is there short blonde hair in a crowd of high school students near Kris?

  14. AdmiralSakai says:

    He quickly rushed into the main controls to see that they were smashed.

    Well, of course they are. An edgy superhero rushed right into them, after all.

  15. AdmiralSakai says:

    “Red, get me close to the front car!” Shadow ordered as Red flew in close. “Thanatos, use your laser cutter to make and entrance for me.”

    *Rubs forehead* The fic’s going to try to do another action scene, isn’t it?

    Thanatos pointed his right hand at the roof of the front car as a small white laser beam fired out and cut a hole in the roof. The broken circular roof tile fell into the car as Shadow jumped in the main car. He quickly rushed into the main controls to see that they were smashed.

    Kane: Which would clearly cause a well-designed vehicle to go faster, rather than stopping it.

    “Dammit!” Shadow yelled as the doctors in the passenger seats started freaking out.

    So, their private train (?) goes out of control and someone in power armor lasers a hole in the roof and the doctors are fine, but then the guy in the power armor says a dirty word and only then do they freak out.

    Meh.

    This is about par for the course for the neuroscience department, actually. I’ve seen stranger behavior.

    • AdmiralSakai says:

      We are the new Doctors of Arkham Asylum,” He explained. “We all got on the same plane and came here

      Which is totally a thing normal people do, and also totally a thing that normal people say.

      This is pushing the boundaries of the neuroscience department, actually. Might have to graduate these guys to psychology, or even social psych levels of weird.

  16. AdmiralSakai says:

    “Clown mask’s…Joker.” Shadow growled.

  17. AdmiralSakai says:

    “I will break every bone in your body and leave you to die slowly and painfully.”

    That would just be killing him slightly less quickly.

  18. AdmiralSakai says:

    Everyone started to panic as the sound of grunts filled the room.

  19. AdmiralSakai says:

    “She was at the police precinct.” Breeze said.

    Because of course a city the size of Gotham only has the one.

  20. GhostCat says:

    He angrily grabbed a bottle of vodka and a shot glass as he plopped down on the couch of the living room.

    I get that Edgelord is going to do some Serious Drinking, but why the shot glass? Why doesn’t he just drink straight out of the bottle like most angry, sullen drunks would do?

  21. GhostCat says:

    “How the hell did Batman know that mercury was my weakness though?” Blaze asked.

    I’m really having a hard time picturing Edgelord & Co as anything but villains. They are even having the “How did Batman know my weakness?!?” conversation.

    I mean, he’s Batman. He always knows.

    • BatJamags says:

      Yeah, one of the baffling things about the story is that the protagonists would actually make pretty solid villains with only a few tweaks to the characters and plot (namely, not having them win so much).

  22. GhostCat says:

    Oh, this is one of those “The Stus yell at each other for a little while and then resolve it without the plot moving forward at all” chapters.

    :Ghostie takes the vodka bottle from Edgelord and pours a generous amount into her coffee cup:

  23. GhostCat says:

    I shattered his teeth and broke his jaw taught him to respect women.

    That’s not really teaching Slushy-Pants to respect women, just to fear you.

  24. GhostCat says:

    The next day Sam waited outside the doors of his school as he patiently waited for Kris. He looked through the crowd when he finally spotted her by short blonde hair. Sam rushed over to her and grabbed her by her hand leading her away from the crowd.

    Luckily only one person in this entire school has short blonde hair, or Sparky here could wind up with a face full of mace.

  25. GhostCat says:

    Red Crosshairs was driving the jet bike which Shadow named the raven

    :ominous grumbles from the Teen Titans fandom:

    I’m going to go sit in the bunker for a bit.

  26. GhostCat says:

    No, but seriously, why wouldn’t the train just stop if there’s nothing controlling it? You kind of need energy and input to make things go, but they stop on their own just fine.

    A train with a fail-safe mode? In the DC-verse? I don’t think anything in the DC-verse has a fail-safe mode. If OSHA actually had an office in Gotham, there would probably be far fewer supervillains running around.

    • BatJamags says:

      They might start by looking into the oddly high concentration of conveniently abandoned and thematically appropriate facilities. How many old joke shops are there in Gotham, anyway?

  27. GhostCat says:

    “No, except killing you.” The nurse chuckled as the two recognized the voice.

    And cue another attempt at writing dialogue in Harley’s distinctive accent.

    :fills coffee mug up with the rest of the vodka:

    Awesome.

    • BatJamags says:

      If this author writes Harley’s dialogue well, I’ll take back everything I’ve said about her being pushed too much since the reboot.

      Which is a promise I only make because I know he won’t do it.

  28. GhostCat says:

    “C-Catwoman?” Harley stuttered.

    :tosses mug over shoulder and starts rummaging around in desk drawer:

    I know Syl keeps an emergency flask in here somewhere …

  29. GhostCat says:

    Outside on the rooftop above the four looked down at the SWAT teams as they brought each criminal including Quinn into the trucks.

    I assume that means Catwoman and Breeze and the others are getting taken away as well, since they are also criminals.

  30. GhostCat says:

    THEN WHY DID YOU KEEP TALKING ABOUT NON-INSANE CRIMINALS GOING TO ARKHAM?!

    I assume the author has been playing too much Arkham Asylum, since there’s repeated mentions of Joker’s men being moved from Blackgate to Arkham after the fire before the game begins.

    • BatJamags says:

      Maybe, but he talks about it with, like, Catwoman and stuff.

      Though that would make a bit of sense, since the earliest fics he’s got about Edgelord are in the Arkham continuity. From looking around his profile, this fic seems to be a bit of a reboot.

  31. GhostCat says:

    “Doctor Gibson head doctor in Arkham Asylum, she has a partner Dr. Hoenheim whose daughter is a friend of Sarina’s and she’s the one in charge of Joker’s files.” She stated matter-o-factly.

    “Make’s sense.” Red said.

    …No, it doesn’t. It doesn’t even make grammatical sense, much less logical sense.

  32. TacoMagic says:

    Oh, this is one of those “The Stus yell at each other for a little while and then resolve it without the plot moving forward at all” chapters.

    Ahh yes “Tension Through Bitching” I know thee well. The old reliable of badfiction when the author can’t think of anything to write and can’t be bothered to actually outline what the plot should be doing.

  33. TacoMagic says:

    “There was one time when she told me she hated me.

    A pretty natural reaction for anyone who’s met you, really.

  34. TacoMagic says:

    “He had this whole plan to lure you and your friends into false traps to kill ya.

    So wait, his plan was to lure them into something that looked like a trap, but really wasn’t? That’s getting pretty abstract even for Joker.

  35. TacoMagic says:

    BadJamags: Hey, brats are delicious!

    As a resident of Wisconsin, I can confirm this. Also, go Pack!


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