1828: Out Of Darkness – Oneshot

Title: Out Of Darkness
Author: acquabellezza11
Media: Video Game
Topic: Final Fantasy VII / Resident Evil
Genre: Drama / Suspense
URL: Out Of Darkness
Critiqued by TacoMagic

Heyo, patrons!  This week I have a wonderful crossover for you called Out of Darkness and it’s really, really bad.  This wonderful little fic crosses the confusing and obtuse world of Final Fantasy VII with the obtuse and confusing world of Resident Evil in way that’s just… bad.  Really, really bad.

How bad?  Well, check out the summary.

With Time not on Leon’s side, he races to find a antibody cure for a soon to be victim to a new deadly virus to terrorists, someone who Leon is unawarely closer to, than he is lead to think (Read to find out)not sure if im gonna continue this… nobody is reviewing alot

I’ll just let that sink in while I go pour myself another cup of coffee.

*An eventually later*

Now, you all may be thinking, “Sure, Taco, that’s pretty bad, but this obviously isn’t a native English speaker.”  Well, hypothetical voice of the patrons, you would be wrong.  See, this particular fanfic writer also happens to have a Youtube channel.  I won’t embarrass her by sharing it here, but know that she clearly speaks American English in the videos where she talks.  She’s either a native speaker of English, or somebody who is absolutely fluent.

I’ll let that sink in as well.

*Taco takes a long sip of his coffee*

There’s so much awful going on in this summary that I can’t even begin to know where to dig into it, so instead I’m just going to separate out the worst bit and ignore the rest.  The worst bit?  This part:

not sure if im gonna continue this… nobody is reviewing alot

When the author comes right out of the gate and shows that they’re just writing for attention, you can be assured that what follows is an absolute train wreck.  And that’s not even considering that, in this case, we started out with an absolute train wreck and we haven’t even gotten into the fic itself yet.

You all might want to grab beverage of choice right now because things are about to go very wrong for us all.

just came up with this story just now and I just had to do a story on it,

*The Alarm explodes in a shower of highly-technical looking parts that quickly catch fire and then explode again*

That’s probably for the best.

And that isn’t even the whole sentence.

I just came up with this story just now and I just had to do a story on it, after this chapter I will be doing a vid form of this story so be sure to visit my YouTube channel if you want to see it viewers!

Did I mention that acqua is writing this for attention?  Cause, you know, she juuuuuust might be.

You’ll also notice that I’ve cut out the pertinent information for finding her youtube.  You’re welcome.

Now remember to leave a review on what you think readers

Happy reading!

Absolutely, check out below.  You probably want to be sitting while you read this, acqua.

Anyway, onward into the fic!

-“Nothing good has ever happened to me…

Wait, hold that thought, I think we need some mood music to go with this.

Okay, continue.

I lost my parents to this strange smoke that came out of nowhere I caught only a whiff of it and I began feeling bad all the time.

Wow that’s ominously vague.  I haven’t felt this worried since I read the opening of Heroes and Villains and suspected that Igor didn’t know what the hell she was doing.

It felt like my insides were being churned…. i don’t like this feeling…what is happening to me?” –

December 12, 2012 – Tall Oaks Boulevard 1:45am

Author, it’s a meme.  I wasn’t actually looking for an answer.

It was night and dead silent, while a little boy was walking alone in the streets dragging a silver pole in his hand, he was wearing a long light shirt with black shorts and shoes, he had a slight tan to his skin and had light brown hair with deep blue eyes.

*Taco gasps for breath*

When will I ever learn to breath while reading sentences!?

he was walking very slowly, in a sickly matter looking at the ground in a daze slightly shifting to the side a few times, suddenly a low growl broke the silence, making the boy gasp and snapped his head up in fear, and that’s when he saw it.

*GONG*

Acqua, knock it off!  The comma is not sentence duct tape!

*Taco peers around himself*

So, he saw “it” did he?  Well, no-one can stop me now!

 

*Mauled by Raptors*

Not far from him was a human turned zombie as it slowly trudged toward the boy, he picked up the staff slowly as if it weighed a thousand pounds and pointed it at the approaching zombie

Lifting something “as if it weight a thousand pounds” huh?  So he struggled with it as it lay motionless on the ground?

“Stay back!” the boy yelled in a weak voice as the pole in his hands shook, he let the pole drop to the ground with a loud clink while still having a hold of it the boy ran toward the zombie with the bits of strength that was left, he raised the metal pole and began beating the zombie he then impaled the zombie’s head with the pole and it died as the blood oozed everywhere, he clasped on his knees with his hands on the pole in exhaustion, panting heavily

*Taco walks in and pushes his suffocated corpse out of the chair*

Someday, I’ll learn.

So, he has trouble lifting the pole, yet has no issue shoving it through a skull?  No, no, I’m sure that’s totally reasonable.

Also, why bother asking the zombie to stay away if you were just going to immediately bum-rush the thing?  All yelling at it did was alert any other zombies nearby.

Less than a moment later he heard running footsteps and he looked to the side with fear in his eyes hoping it wasn’t a group of zombie’s coming to eat him,

It’s worth noting that in this canon, zombies don’t run.  At least, not until the Las Plagas zombies, and those really aren’t zombies in the classical sense.

he did not have the strength to take them on any longer his pains that he had been getting ceased his energy so quickly

*Tilts head*

Um… wha?  I mean, I can kinda get what you’re trying to say, but you’re delving into Marissa the Writer levels of incomprehensible.

And, before anyone asks, this is not a troll fic.  I was dubious at first, but everything I’ve found about the author points to this fic being genuine.

then as the strangers came into the boys view

*Swenia wheels in the Portable Porno Music Synthesizer*

OUT!

“You’re no fun.”

he saw a man in his mid 30’s and a woman in her 20’s approached him with guns pointed straight at him, he could hear the woman’s voice but only just barely as he struggled to stand up

“If I find myself a trajik Stu, I’m gonna shoot him!  The season is open and I’m nowhere near the bag limit.”

“Is he one of them, Leon?” he heard her say then heard the man’s voice as he shook his head and lowered his gun

“I don’t think so, but he doesn’t look well”

I’m surprised that I’m disappointed here.  Acqua can’t get the basics of grammatical structure right, so I had no business expecting that she wouldn’t totally fuck up dialogue formatting as well.

The boy then felt pain in his head and he started to whimper and groan in pain, he put both of his hands on his forehead and clasped to his knees

I… wha?  The hell did he just do?  Did he just slam his forehead into his knees?  Man, that must have hurt his hands!

You know, he’d be in significantly less pain if he would just stop doing stuff like that.

he looked up at the two people, reaching one of his hands out to them seeing that his forehead was now dripping with some sort of black infection

You probably shouldn’t touch that hand, look at all the goo that just squirted out of it onto his forehead!

“Help….me” he managed to say before fainting on the ground from the pain.

Really doesn’t have the same eloquence as: “Itchy. Tasty.

Leon approached the boy as well as Helena and took a good look at him, seeing the black infection Leon frowned his eye brows

Leon, what have I told you about putting those fake eyebrows on your mouth!?

At least the inclusion of Helena here tells us that this fic is based in Resident Evil 6.

“What is this?” he asked to himself

You’re surrounded by a zombie outbreak caused by a rampant virus, and now you have a boy in front of you dying while oozing black goo.  Maybe, just maybe, you could put together an educated guess.

“It seems he’s suffering from something…” she said softly, as she kneeled down on her feet and felt the boys wrist feeling a slow pulse

To be fair to Helena here, the T-virus has much different symptoms than what his kid is displaying, so it really is a valid question as to what is killing him.  It doesn’t really fit any of the established Umbrella/Tricell experiments either, so this would have to be something new.

Though I’ll also say that touching the wrist somebody who’s oozing black goo all over their hands is probably not the smartest thing Helena has ever done.

“He’s alive” she said looking at Leon “he’s just a child, Leon…What do you want to do?”

“Well we can’t leave him here, we’ll take him to Adam, see what he can do for him” With a nod from Helena

This seems like a really, really terrible idea.  Which is why I’m sure that nothing bad will come of it.  Never change, fanfiction.

“Your right, lets get the hell out of here”

*Looks to his right and only sees Crunchy juggling squirrels*

Must be somebody else’s right that Leon was talking about.

And with that, Leon carried the boy up in his arms and they both ran back to where they came from

So wait, Leon and the boy already know each other and are from the same place?

The less said about Leon secretly living with a boy, the better.

while running Leon looked down at the pained faced boy as he laid unconscious in his arms

Even though it’s the wrong spelling, I can’t but help picture the kid with a window for a face.

“Hang in there, kid”

After everything else that you screw up, acqua, the spelling, the bad tense, the comma misuse, incorrect dialogue formatting, incorrect dialogue attribution, the run-on sentences, the spotty capitalization, and so on; after all that, you correctly use the comma of address.

What the actual fuck?

After a few blocks of running, they got to Adams luxury apartment, Leon knocked on the door and moments later came out an aged man with a suit on when he caught sight of the boy he glanced at Leon and Helena

Like that!  You correctly use the comma of address, then vomit that mass of garbage out on the page.  How?  How do you have that one nuance of grammar correct but almost nothing else?

Seriously, HOW!?

“What happened?” he asked and Leon shook his head

“Were not exactly sure, sir” and Helena spoke up

I’m suddenly getting untold zombie chronicels flashbacks.

“We just found this boy, and he has some kind of infection but not the one that was released” she said as she gently lifted up the boys bangs for the senate to see the black substance on his forehead, Adam put his hand on his chin and thought

So the divergent symptoms did turn out to be is a valid plot point, that’s the fist semi-competant thing you’ve done Acqua.  Well, second if we count the comma of address, but I’m still willing to count it as an anomaly.

I still question the wisdom of having such direct and prolonged exposure to something that could be a new biological weapon.

“It’s not like anything I’ve seen before, take him inside” he said as he moved away from the entrance for them to go through, Leon laid him on the couch nearby

Hold up, why did Leon just lay Adam on the couch?

*Swenia starts to roll the PPMS back into the room*

If you start that thing up, I’ll make sure all of Jiwe’s toys have fresh batteries.

*Swenia quickly rolls the PPMS out of the room*

and went to talk to Adam while Helena stood to watch him

Helena, stop staring at Adam while he’s talking to Leon while laying on the couch.  It’s creepy as hell.

 she examined the boy and noticed in his face a familiar sight

Black goo?  I mean, sure, she’s already seen it a few times, but I wouldn’t think she’d remark on it now.

“Huh? You look just like…” she stopped when she saw the boys eyes start to open; Helena rushed into the room for Leon

I’ll say, so far as reveal fake-outs go, that wasn’t the worst I’ve ever seen.  At least in this case it was a legitimate interruption and not just a dramatically placed scene break.

It’s really weird that acqua seemed to know a couple little nuggets of writing, but then sank those under a barge filled with shit.

“The boy, he’s awake” Helena said with relief in her voice, and both Leon and Adam followed her into the living room,

In a universe where dead bodies can just get up and try to eat you, I’m not so sure the boy waking up is necessarily a good sign all on its own.

to see the boy sitting up and catching their eyes,

CRUNCHY!

“You never expressly forbid me from throwing my eye collection cast-offs into your fics.”

 he became uneasy and covered half his face with the blanket he found

Uh, acqua, you do know that you can actually go back and write things into your stories and then use them later as object continuity.  You shouldn’t have your characters just suddenly find the things they need right as they need them.

“It’s alright, we’re not going to hurt you” Helena said softly

“…who are you people?” he asked in a weak voice

We get it.  The boy is super sick and pathetic.  Except when he needs to skewer a punk-bitch with his mighty silver rod.

Dammit.  Okay, you might as well bring it in.

*Swenia wheels in the PPMS and turns it on*

“I’m agent Helena, this is agent Leon and senate Adam” she answered as she approached him with Leon behind her “can you tell me your name?”

Dude, Adam is an entire senate!?

The boy lowered the blanket from his face feeling slightly at ease and answered the lady

“I-I’m…Denzel”

“What were you doing outside so late? Where are your parents?” Leon spoke up

You’re in a city with a demonstrable zombie problem, and your first concern is what Denzel’s doing up past bedtime?  Priorities, Leon!

Denzel shifted his head slightly a bit exhaling and pulling his legs up to his chest as he answered “Their…dead…”

Well?  What about their dead?  Did they bring them out?  Were they not dead yet?  WHAT!?  I can’t handle the suspense!

he started as he started to cry “the smoke…killed them…zombies”

Well, you killed that one zombie, but I suppose it’s possible that the smoke killed them other zombies.

he finished as he leaned his head down on his knees and sobbed, Leon sat on the couch with Denzel and patted his head gently

Yeah, patting their head usually calms kids down.  Totally.  Good job, Leon.

On the one hand, I’m positive this was written by somebody without much experience with children.  On the other, it’s quite possible that Leon actually is this bad with children.  It’s one of those things that never really came up much in the games.

“I’m sorry” he said solemnly and Denzel nodded his head slightly from his arms

“Could you tell us your parents names, Denzel?” Adam asked in a soft voice, Denzel answered him in a tearful voice

The heck good is that going to do right now?  You’re in the middle of a city large enough to have luxury apartments and a senate, there’s little-to-no chance you’d recognize his parents.  And even if you did, there’s more pressing matters right now.  Like the zombie apocalypse.

“Abel…was my dad and Chloe was…my mom”

And it’s even less helpful when you don’t include last names.  You’re all useless!

Helena eyes glanced at Adam and he gave her a knowing look as he knew what she was thinking

Helena, keep better control of your eyes, and, Adam, nobody wants your knowing look, so keep it to yourself.  I will drive this fic off the nearest cliff if you all can’t behave yourselves!

they both glanced at Leon then Denzel, Adam nudged Helena’s arms to follow him into his office down the hall to leave Leon and Denzel alone, as they got to the room, she closed the door and Adam sat at his chair and placed his hand on his forehead

Don’t put your hand on your forehead!  The last time somebody did that they ended up with goo everywhere!

“Keep your voice down, Helena I cannot risk Leon hearing any of what we are about to say” Adam said

If he did, the plot might happen, something we must prevent at all costs!

“I can’t believe this” she said as she approached his desk “Their dead…”

weren’t on the curb when I drove the wagon by.  The nerve of them making me wait!

“What a terrible loss…” Adam said rubbing his forehead slowly “Those two were assigned to protect that child as his adopted father and mother, now with them gone, and Denzel infected, he is in grave danger”

So it turns out they knew who he was all along?  What kind of folded-in bullshittery is this!?  See, this is what happens when you throw shit together when you “come up with the story just now.”  Just because you have an idea that you like doesn’t mean that whatever word vomit you splash on the page will make any damn sense.  Now some people can write perfectly well without an outline to keep them on track and help with continuity, but you definitely aren’t one of them, acqua.

“Danger?” she asked and Adam nodded his head as he looked at Helena with a serious knowing look

We left him in the room alone with Leon.  That was a bad move on our part.

“It’s also because Denzel is Leon’s…Son”

“His son?” she said in a soft voice Adam nodded his head “that’s right”

I’m not sure how, but the formatting is deteriorating.  That feels akin to finding the wreck of the Titanic, and then sinking it.

“But why keep that from both of them, Sir?”

Well, the senate was watching Days of Our Lives and wanted to try out some of their plot.

“Leon needs to be focused on the upcoming mission, and when the time is right I will be the one to tell Leon, but not now, and not Denzel because he has been through so many horrors already and knowing this bit of news will shock and anger him because he does not understand.

Uh-oh, I think the senate is trying to filibuster the rest of the fic.

 The most important thing we do now, is that he needs to be cared for right away and he needs to be protected”

Personally, I’d put slightly higher importance on figuring out what kind of super-hybrid-zombie-plagas virobacteriophagocyte-thing he’s got.

It is too a word, shut-up.

“Of course…but why is Denzel in danger?”

Plot?  I bet it’s plot.  Is it plot?  It’s gotta be plot!

“It is because a group of bio terrorists that are after Denzel needs to get his infection to make a more deadly dose

Damn, it was gibberish, not plot.

 worse than what he has now

“What he has now” being somewhere between indigestion and a mild case of mononucleosis.  The horror.

and the result of it can kill him”

I mean, it won’t kill him because that’s how these plots work.  But it could… even though it won’t.

But it so totally could.

Just to lay it all out there for everyone: the bio terrorists plan to get Denzel’s infection, create a deadlier dose of it, and use it to infect Denzel with the infection that he already has.

Call me crazy, but I think one of the Weskers is behind this one.

Helena placed her hand on her mouth in shock, taking in all this new information

I know, I wasn’t expecting it to be this stupid either.  You would think I’d be more prepared for this level of stupidity after five years of this.

That’s it for now, thank you reading this everyone

Which will be the first and only time I’ve read this everyone.

give me your thoughts on my idea =)

It seems to be little more than a trashy amalgam of Hollywood clichés and soap-opera melodrama.  It barely qualifies as an idea in my book because it could barely produce even a framework of coherent thought.  You gave yourself so little to go on that you couldn’t even make it past the first chapter before running out of steam.

As far as ideas go, this one was pretty worthless.

Glad I could help =)

should I continue

No.  And I’m happy that you took that advice before I could even give it to you; even if you stopped for the wrong reason.

and if so, what would you like to see happen?

If you need to ask your audience for ideas at the end of the first chapter, you shouldn’t be writing the fic.

Tell me in a review see you next chapter

And with that, this little ficlet comes to an end.

There is one bit of advice I have for you, acqua, and I don’t say this lightly nor do I say it often: stop writing.  You are doing it for all the wrong reasons and obviously have no real interest in it.  I’ve looked through your fic list and all of them are short, were abandoned partway through, and you’ve added comments in the summary or author’s notes in many of them saying that the lack of reviews has made you want to stop writing that particular fic.

To put it bluntly: you want attention and have no real interest in the writing beyond what notice you think it might bring you.  You aren’t doing yourself any favors by wasting your time doing something you have no passion or skill for, and you aren’t doing anyone else any favors by wasting their time with the worthless dreck you’re churning out in your quest for recognition.

Just stop.  Go find something you actually care about and do that instead.

And on that note-

Wait, why the hell was this listed as a Final Fantasy VII crossover!?

And where the hell did a little kid get a rod made of silver!?

This damn fic is going to be giving me fridge moments for the next month!

 

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48 Comments on “1828: Out Of Darkness – Oneshot”

  1. GhostCat says:

    Acqua, knock it off! The comma is not sentence duct tape!

    That is an amazingly accurate description of how most fanfic authors use the poor, abused comma, though.

  2. GhostCat says:

    “Stay back!” the boy yelled in a weak voice as the pole in his hands shook, he let the pole drop to the ground with a loud clink while still having a hold of it the boy ran toward the zombie with the bits of strength that was left, he raised the metal pole and began beating the zombie he then impaled the zombie’s head with the pole and it died as the blood oozed everywhere, he clasped on his knees with his hands on the pole in exhaustion, panting heavily

    *Taco walks in and pushes his suffocated corpse out of the chair*
    Someday, I’ll learn.

    We lose more Librarians that way – the top three causes of respawn are suffocation by sentencograph, raptor maulings, and experimental coffee drinks.

    • BatJamags says:

      GoodJamags: My counterpart is working on bumping headheadshotting by the DRD and collateral damage from blushing-induced rampages onto that list.

      Fuck you.

      GoodJamags: I’m just saying that your own personal respawn chart does not necessarily reflect the Library as a whole.

    • agigabyte says:

      Cain: Coincidentally, two of the top three causes of damage to the fleet are sentencographs and experimental coffee drinks. Why would anyone sell exploding coffee as regular- actually, that’s a stupid question given that this is the Library. The better question is why my highly trained, experienced operatives keep falling for it.

      Agent [REDACTED]: It’s really good coffee?

      Cain: *An indescribably disapproving stare. Seriously. I can feel the disapproval radiating off of him, and I don’t have a sense of touch.*

  3. GhostCat says:

    You’re surrounded by a zombie outbreak caused by a rampant virus, and now you have a boy in front of you dying while oozing black goo. Maybe, just maybe, you could put together an educated guess.

    If it were me and I was in the middle of a zombie virus outbreak and some kid started oozing black goo from their head, I would riddle the body with bullets until it stopped twitching and then burn the corpse to ash. These idiots are probably going to take him back to their base, or something equally as asinine.

  4. GhostCat says:

    Just to lay it all out there for everyone: the bio terrorists plan to get Denzel’s infection, create a deadlier dose of it, and use it to infect Denzel with the infection that he already has.

    This seems like an unnecessarily complicated plan just to kill the boy. Do bullets only work on zombies? Because most of the people in these games are heavily armed at all times.

  5. AdmiralSakai says:

    nobody is reviewing alot

    So does that mean a lot of nobodies are reviewing, or everybody is reviewing but they’re only reviewing a little?

  6. AdmiralSakai says:

    Not far from him was a human turned zombie

    As opposed to a completely naturally-occurring zombie?

  7. AdmiralSakai says:

    a man in his mid 30’s and a woman in her 20’s

    That’s an awfully specific determination to make while at night in a combat zone while doubled over from exhaustion.

  8. AdmiralSakai says:

    “Hang in there, kid”

  9. AdmiralSakai says:

    she gently lifted up the boys bangs for the senate to see the black substance on his forehead,

    Wait, like, all of them?

    Must be a big apartment.

    • TacoMagic says:

      Well, it IS a luxury apartment, right?

      • BatJamags says:

        Some of the more expensive apartments out there could be better described as mansions that happen to be sitting on top of other buildings. That just leaves the question of how these three got access to a monster like that.

  10. AdmiralSakai says:

    “I’m agent Helena, this is agent Leon and senate Adam”

    So, do any of these people have last names?

  11. AdmiralSakai says:

    he looked up at the two people, reaching one of his hands out to them seeing that his forehead was now dripping with some sort of black infection

    Crap, now he’s going to turn into a Prawn.

    • GhostCat says:

      It just occurred to me – how do they know it is an infection? The boy has black goo on his forehead, but no visible wounds in the area. It could be grease, or paint, or some other innocuous substance. It doesn’t even appear anywhere else on his body. He does act like he’s sick, but there’s no direct correlation between his illness and the goo.

      • TacoMagic says:

        Oh! I know this one! They know because the narrative said it was an infection!

        It really speeds things up if you hand all of your characters a copy of the script before you start the fic.

  12. Leider Hosen says:

    Lifting something “as if it weight a thousand pounds” huh? So he struggled with it as it lay motionless on the ground?

    Naw mane, he clearly lifted it slowly! As long as you lift it slowly to build your strength you can do anything.

  13. Leider Hosen says:

    I… wha? The hell did he just do? Did he just slam his forehead into his knees? Man, that must have hurt his hands!

    Hands? What about his spine! You are not supposed to bend that much that abruptly.

  14. Leider Hosen says:

    Well, second if we count the comma of address, but I’m still willing to count it as an anomaly.

    Maybe it’s The One?

  15. BatJamags says:

    With Time not on Leon’s side,

    So tiiiiiiiime is not on his side? No it’s not?

  16. BatJamags says:

    See, this particular fanfic writer also happens to have a Youtube channel.

    I’m… morbidly curious. Not curious enough to actually look, but it would be fascinating to learn what kind of havoc a badficcer could wreak on an audiovisual medium.

  17. BatJamags says:

    -“Nothing good has ever happened to me…

    *Splatter*

    Holy hell, careful with that edge, author! This room is supposed to be painted purple, not red! And-*Dies from blood loss*

  18. BatJamags says:

    I began feeling bad all the time.

    Is that a technical term?

    GoodJamags: In the common vernacular, we call it “depression.”

    How uncouth.

  19. BatJamags says:

    “Stay back!” the boy yelled in a weak voice as the pole in his hands shook, he let the pole drop to the ground with a loud clink while still having a hold of it the boy ran toward the zombie with the bits of strength that was left, he raised the metal pole and began beating the zombie he then impaled the zombie’s head with the pole and it died as the blood oozed everywhere, he clasped on his knees with his hands on the pole in exhaustion, panting heavily

    Pft, nerd. There are a variety of appropriate weapons for zombie hunting. Shotguns, cricket bats, chainsaws (helpful note: also good against clowns), flamethrowers, machetes, and Molotov cocktails are all vastly more useful than staves.

  20. BatJamags says:

    he did not have the strength to take them on any longer his pains that he had been getting ceased his energy so quickly

    See, if you would proofread your work, you’d notice when your sentences are so muddled that they don’t actually form a coherent thought.

  21. BatJamags says:

    “If I find myself a trajik Stu, I’m gonna shoot him! The season is open and I’m nowhere near the bag limit.”

    Twajik season!

    Smug season!

  22. BatJamags says:

    After everything else that you screw up, acqua, the spelling, the bad tense, the comma misuse, incorrect dialogue formatting, incorrect dialogue attribution, the run-on sentences, the spotty capitalization, and so on; after all that, you correctly use the comma of address.

    Because you’ve got to draw the line somewhere, dammit!

  23. BatJamags says:

    agent Helena, this is agent Leon

    Pretty sure you’d be using last names with titles, but hey, what do I know?

    • TacoMagic says:

      That would require the author to actually do the research required to remember their last names.

      Or have actually payed attention enough in the games to actually have known them in the first place.

      (Harper and Kennedy for those who care)

  24. BatJamags says:

    “I-I’m…Denzel”

    *Snerk*

    Really? I’m a huge fan of your work, like…

    Uh…

    I really haven’t seen many Denzel Washington movies. A Soldier’s Story was fantastic and Devil in a Blue Dress was OK, I guess. And that’s just about it.

    • BatJamags says:

      “It’s also because Denzel is Leon’s…Son”

      Oh, so he shares his last name with a different long-dead POTUS.

  25. BatJamags says:

    Now some people can write perfectly well without an outline to keep them on track and help with continuity,

    I’m going to have to disagree. Anyone who says they can do this is lying, not as good as they think they are, or has an overly narrow interpretation of the word “outline.” You don’t need a written outline, but unplanned writing stands basically no chance of coming out coherently.

    • TacoMagic says:

      In this case it’s more a disagreement over terminology. I make the distinction as an outline being a thing you write down that has formatting and the like, and a “mental outline” I more broadly refer to as a “plan” since it will probably lack much of the structure a traditional outline has.

      In this case, neither was present, so the distinction is moot anyway.

  26. BatJamags says:

    “It’s also because Denzel is Leon’s…Son”

    Also:

  27. BatJamags says:

    Just to lay it all out there for everyone: the bio terrorists plan to get Denzel’s infection, create a deadlier dose of it, and use it to infect Denzel with the infection that he already has.

    Genius. Nothing can go wrong with this plan.

  28. Jon Arbuckle says:

    “Dude, Adam is an entire senate!?”

  29. DasCheesenBorgir says:

    Wait, hold that thought, I think we need some mood music to go with this.

    We need moar kazoo


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