1824: Batman and The Hunter Chap 1 & The Batman and The Hunter A Lady Waiting Chp 2 – Oneshots?

 

Title: Batman and the Hunter Chap 1
Author: Lisa Glider
Media: TV Show
Topic: Batman: The Animated Series/”Mythology”
Genre: Drama
URL: Chapter 1
Critiqued by Ghostcat

 

 

 

Hello, Patrons, and welcome to a new fic! No more boring Slender Man halfheartedly chasing an androgynous drone around the forest! This particular fic is listed as a crossover between Batman: The Animated Series (my all-time favorite show and the reason I love Batman so much) and “Mythology”, which seems to be where most authors stick things that don’t really go anywhere else. Let’s take a look at the summary, shall we?

Lisa Glider, a cat gryphoness/princess is held against her will and there’s no one who can save her…or is there? Read on and find out.

:looks up at author’s name:

I think I can spot the SI Sue already. Also, a gryphon (or griffin, both spellings are accurate) is an eagle/lion hybrid with the head, wings, and talons of an eagle and the body of a lion but this particular one apparently has an extra helping of regular cat in her to give her those kawaii desu! kitty ears. And she is a princess. Because that is a thing that can happen, I guess.

Let’s go to the actual fic, shall we?

Gotham City. A place of corruption, crime, and a law breakers paradise. People lived in fear, as mad men steal, rob, and take lives within their own ways. However, a major plan was going change the city forever, not even The Dark Knight would know what to do.

This looks a lot more like a summary than the actual fic summary does.

As the city remained silent, a limousine drove to an abandoned home, within a large set of land.

A set of land? I’m pretty sure that’s not the right term.

It pulled up towards the entrance and stopped.

Instead of just driving through the house, like people normally do.

The door opened and a mob leader stepped out, lighting a cigarrette.

“Bring the dame,” He ordered his men, after taking a drag.

Hello, Mr. Mobster Stereotype! I bet you’re wearing a three piece suit and like listening to Rat Pack music.

The back door opened from the other side and a strange woman, no older than a young adult, was pulled out; tied by her wrists and blindfolded.

No older than a young adult? That doesn’t really narrow anything down, you know.

She was a beautiful creature with a shimmering blue and white coat, with a beak resembling that of an eagle;. Her golden wings shone in the moonlight, with white tips. The maiden’s ears were cat like, and held back in fear. She bore a maternaty dress and sandals that indicated she was due to have a child. Her hair was a gentle blue, like the ocean on a tropical beach, pulled into a tight braid.

Yeah, this is so very Sue.

What I want to know is why does wearing sandals indicate someone is going to have a child? Even the “maternity” dress isn’t a clear indicator, since it’s just a dress – non-pregnant people of any gender could wear a dress. Wouldn’t a swollen abdomen be a better indicator? And a “maiden” is typically a young, virginal girl – not a pregnant young woman.

“Please, let me go?” The Maiden said with a fearful sob, as the mobsters escorted her into the house.

Sweet mercy, you are going to be totally useless, aren’t you?

“Keep moving!” A mobster said with a rough shove to the prisoner’s shoulders.

I think you mean her wings, since those would be over her shoulders.

The maiden was brought into a large room and forced into a chair, where her wrists were retied to keep from escaping.

Would she even need a chair? Most griffins/gryphons are quadrupeds due to that whole “body of a lion” thing they have going on. And even if she is a biped, doesn’t she have wings? That would make sitting in a chair with a back difficult.

The blindfold was removed, to reveal elegant aqua eyes. They widened with fear of what may happen to her.

Did she have a blindfold before? :checks: Ah, she did. The narration just seemed to focus more on her beautiful coat and amazing wings and special mermaid hair than the fact that she couldn’t see where she was going.

The Mob Leader approached the hostage and blew smoke into her face. She coughed from the smoke, choking and gagging.

Mr. Stereotype is really laying it on thick. I know a lot of the Rogues’ Gallery tend to be over-the-top, but this is just an extremely generic villain.

“Comfy? Good. Just be lucky you’re in good health.”

Except for that cancer you just gave her with your secondhand smoke.

“Please, don’t kill me? I’m expecting.”

Logically, if they wanted you dead then you would already be dead. The fact that you’re not means they want you for some reason, although I’m not entirely sure what reason that could be. They may have even kidnapped you specifically because you are pregnant, since that’s like a Abduct One, Get One Free deal for them.

” We ain’t gonna kill ya…as long as the city pays for the ransom. So just sit there and keep quiet and maybe we’ll feed ya enough to keep your kid in good care.”

I have questions. Foremost is why would Gotham pay a ransom for this super fairy kitten princess, or whatever she is? She’s not affiliated with the city in any way, so any ransom requests would be directed at whatever country she is a princess of.

The maiden lowered her head ready to shed sorrowful tears.

Sweet mercy, not again. Is this girl’s default setting stuck on Weeping? This is a bit odd considering gryphons/griffins are usually depicted as ass-kicking badasses and not sorrow-sponges.

Suddenly,

And from behind!

Batman crashed through the window, as he swung from a cable.

Dammit, I bet our HBO goes out again.

He stood with narrowed eyes and cape folded.

Why did he fold up his cape before crashing through the window? Has Alfred been giving him grief about how tattered it is getting?

He was there for a reason and his reason was clear and there was nothing the mob could do about it.

And it is a very important reason, so important that it should be immediately evident to everyone so that the narration never has to explain what the actual reason really is. BECAUSE BATMAN, BITCHES!

The Mobsters drew out their guns, ready to fire, but were immediately knocked out thanks to Batman’s batarang.

Just the one, because he’s the frickin’ Batman, bitches.

A mob member charged with his fist ready to strike, only he missed and was given a punch to his gut then rendered out with an upper cut to his jaw.

I normally enjoy watching Batman pummel thugs, but this is just so very daybook.

The maiden could only watch in horror, as Batman made clean work of the mob, then approached her.

Quick, start crying in a sorrowful manner! Maybe that’ll work this time!

She shot her ears back in aggression and let out a loud hiss.

…Or you can go in a completely different direction. That could also do something.

Her ears were already laid back in fear, so they couldn’t really go back any further. And as the dedicated slave owner of several cats, I can tell you that their moods are conveyed by more than just the position of their ears – there is a whole complicated body language involved.

Batman stopped a few feet from her, unfearful of her attempt to ward him off.

Must be Damian, he’s the only one in the Batfamily that I know of with an unusually enthusiastic attraction to animals. Pity he isn’t a part of B:TAS.

“Now stop!,” Batman told the girl, “Is that anyway to treat someone who’s trying to save you?”

Ummmm … What?

:checks program:

“Tonight the part of Batman will be played by Sassy McSassypants.” Ah, well. That explains it.

The maiden stopped with tears flowing from her eyes.

Because of course she was still crying even when she was acting aggressive and trying to frighten off the frickin’ Batman. (Bitches.) It wouldn’t surprise me if she can cry at will.

He was frightning to her, but perhaps he was the only way she could escape being killed.

:looks around at the unknown number of vanquished mobsters still laying on the floor:

Ya think?

“Help me…please?” She sobbed.

:looks at mobsters again:

You’re not very bright, are you?

Batman said no further words and cut her wrists free gently with his batarang.

He’s still on the one, because he’s the frickin’ Batman. (Bitches.)

Assuming the sob-sister here follows the general template of having both the beak and talons of an eagle, why couldn’t she cut through her own bindings?

He helped the girl to her feet and caught her as she stumbled to stand. He could see she was poorly treated and let alone weak from hunger.

A condition that developed quite suddenly in the past few seconds, since she had no trouble walking from the mobsters’ car to the vacant room where the chair is located even while bound and blindfolded and there was no sign of mistreatment beyond a single shove and Mr. Stereotype blowing smoke in her face.

Batman also saw she was carrying an unborn child and knew she had to be fed soon, or she would surely lose the baby.

This girl would have to be severely malnourished – which would physically affect things like her glistening wings, vibrant coat, and sparkling hair – for there to be a real threat of self-aborting the baby. The female body is geared towards protecting and nourishing the fetus, even at the cost of the mother’s health. In Ye Olden Tymes, when women were expected to have one baby right after another, the women would start losing hair and even teeth, and their bones became as brittle as glass, because the babies were essentially mining their mother’s bodies to make their own and the women didn’t have time between pregnancies to rebuild themselves.

He escorted the young girl to his car, then, got in himself.

The Batmobile; it’s called the Batmobile.

The Batmobile sped off towards the city, and to the lady’s safety.

See? You knew what it was called all along! But wait, I thought they were already in the city?

“I am…Lisa Glider…,” She finally said,

But you can call me Weepy Sue.

“Princess of…Ohhhhhh”

I think Whirlybat von Flubbertybubble’s from near there.

Lisa passed out from exhaustion, as Batman looked to her in concern.

He needs to keep his damn eyes on the road when he’s driving or he’s going to plow into an innocent pedestrian.

This really isn’t how you show that a character is exhausted, author. If someone is this tired/scared/malnourished then there has to be some sort of lead-up instead of “Oh, BTW she’s totes exhausted LOL.”

He continued to drive towards the cave, with a notion that someone may be looking for her. He wished he knew “Who.”

I call so much bullshit on that. This is the frickin’ Batman (bitches); there’s no way he would have gone near the void-house where Weepy Sue was being held without doing his due diligence first. He should know everything about her, right down to her blood type and shoe size. And she’s supposed to be a frickin’ princess – and a pregnant princess on top of that – so there should definitely be many someones looking for her besides Batman. (Bitches?)

There is actually a second chapter to this fic, although the author posted it as a separate fic – probably because they were a novice and didn’t know how the ff.net posting system worked. I toyed with the idea of grouping them together, but the next chapter is where things really start to go off the rails.

Things get weird, Patrons. In fact, you can find out just how weird right now!

Title: Batman and the Hunter Chap 1
Author: Lisa Glider
Media: TV Show
Topic: Batman: The Animated Series/”Mythology”
Genre: Drama/Adventure
URL: Chapter 2
Critiqued by Ghostcat

The second chapter, since it is posted as a separate fic, also has its own summary! Let’s take a look, shall we?

With Lisa safe at Wayne Manor and the mob defeated, Bruce must see to it she remains in good care and protected to keep her child from having a miscarriage. Her husband meanwhile makes a stop in Gotham to complete a mission that Batman must keep out of.

Apparently the entire Mob presence in Gotham was in that one room and Batman managed to take them all out with a single Batarang. (Because Batman, bitches!) Also, the way this is worded makes it look as if Weepy Sue’s child is the one in danger of having a miscarriage, which raises many questions regarding this author’s understanding of basic biology. I had thought that this was going to be one of those fics where the author ships their SI character with Batman, but the sudden introduction of a husband – who will apparently be doing some sort of mission that even Batman can’t do – makes me question that assumption.

Now, on to the chapter/fic!

When we last left off, Lisa Glider was being held against her will and expecting her first child, as mobsters threatened the survival of both their well being.

No, the last chapter ended with Weepy Sue fainting in the Batmobile. :points: It’s right there.

Now she is in Bruce’s care and is unaware of her husband’s wherabouts.

Well, yeah; she was kidnapped and blindfolded. She didn’t know her own whereabouts, so she definitely wouldn’t know her husband’s. What I want to know is if Batman told Weepy Sue about his secret identity or if he took her up into stately Wayne Manor while she was unconscious and Bruce and/or Alfred just told her that Batman brought her there without revealing Bruce’s secret.

It’s been days, since Lisa’s liberation from the mob that held her in poor condition.

Circumstances that we are only being told about in hindsight and that weren’t shown at the time she was actually being held prisoner.

Her condition was far from recovery and Bruce knew he had to get answers as to why she was removed from her planet and what would a gang of mobsters want with a cat gryphoness so badly that they’d use her against Gotham City.

:blinks:

Ummm…

:reads sentence again:

Wha?

So what I’m getting from this is that the Gotham City Mobsters (which sounds like the name of a softball team) managed to abduct Weepy Sue from another planet and then drive her in their limo to that abandoned house so that they could then ransom her to the city, which makes no kind of sense. Why would any city on Earth pay a ransom for someone from a different planet? That would be like someone kidnapping Prince William, taking him to Nevada, and then demanding that the mayor of Las Vegas pay a ransom for the prince’s release. While the city government might want to avoid an international/interstellar incident happening on their patch, they don’t really have the authority to act and would have to pass the demand on to the relevant authorities. This is assuming that the ransom demand isn’t just immediately dismissed as a hoax, which it very well could be. What did Mr. Stereotype do, send a letter to the mayor’s office saying he has a “cat gryphoness” and demanding that they give him a bag of cash for her? It sounds ridiculous. Weepy Sue was abducted from another planet; has she ever been to Gotham? Does she have any connections to Gotham? Is anyone in Gotham, or even anyone on Earth, even aware of her, her species, or her planet’s existence?

The idea of a bunch of gangsters having access to interstellar travel sounds completely implausible, but there is a basis for it within the canon of the DC Animated Universe. Intergang, headed by Bruno Mannheim, is supplied advanced tech from Apokolips by Darkseid – including “Mother Boxes”, devices that open wormholes called “boom tubes” that allow for near-instantaneous travel between any two points. These don’t actually make an appearance in B:TAS since Intergang is primarily a part of Superman’s canon and only appear in Superman: The Animated Series, but the two do inhabit a shared universe, the DCAU, so I’m not going to judge it too harshly. For now.

He entered her room with a tray of cooked trout, salmon, shrimp and squid; hoping she’d recover enough to speak.

Dude, haven’t you ever heard of knocking? What if she’s doing private princess-stuff?

A whole cooked trout, a whole cooked salmon, an unknown number of shrimp, and a whole cooked squid? That’s a hell of a lot of food for one person, especially someone supposedly recovering from near starvation. Better to stick with small, easily digested meals or all that food will come right back up. If she does manage to choke all that down, she’ll probably lapse into a food-coma and be in no fit condition to talk to anyone.

“Princess Lisa,” Bruce said in a kind tone of voice, “Princess, are you awake?”

That’s probably something you should have checked before you brought all that food up to her room; a massive tray of cooling seafood is going to emit all sorts of smells, none of them pleasant. And why is Bruce bringing up the tray? Where’s Alfred?

The covers began to stir and Lisa’s head poked out with a look of hunger. “Is that for me?” She asked sweetly, yet with a weak sounding voice.

No, that’s all for him; he just decided to be a douche-canoe and eat it in front of you.

“Actually, I thought you’d might be hungry, Your Highness, so I had Alfred make a meal for you and your unborn.

By cooking every kind of fish and seafood he could get his hands on, without any sort of sauce or seasonings, but not including any side dishes or even a beverage. Let’s hope she likes fish and seafood and isn’t allergic to anything!

And just where is Alfred? Is he off broiling a kraken for her afternoon snack?

Gotta eat for two, right?” Bruce gave a clever wink to get Lisa’s attention.

:eye-twitch:

Must … Resist urge … To pummel Bruce Wayne…

Why the hell is he winking to get her attention? Wouldn’t the massive tray of food do that job for him? It’s not like he’s holding a packet of dry saltines; there’s going to be a significant aroma.

“I am a little hungry,” She said to avoid being greedy.

You were supposedly starving to death; I think you would be forgiven for being a little greedy.

Bruce set the tray down and took a seat in a chair next to her bed. “I believe an introduction is proper for your kind of life, Princess.”

Wait a second … Didn’t the narration just state that it had been days since she was rescued? Have they never introduced themselves before now? How is that even possible?

And is it just me, or is the phrasing getting progressively stranger? I’m all for expressing yourself in new and novel ways, but it just looks a bit … off.

Lisa nodded and began to speak. “I’m Lisa Glider, Princess of Crystallis.”

I’d bet a shiny new nickel that she’s a princess of the entire planet and not just a single country.

“Bruce Wayne and it’s nice to, finally, meet you.”

“Finally, meet me? What do you mean?” Lisa asked in shock.

I’m not sure, but it was a really creepy thing for him to say right now. Kind of makes it sound like he was watching you in your sleep or something.

“I know your husband, Chance Glider,” Bruce said warmly,

Because of course he does. I bet the two of them are besties.

Didn’t it say at the end of the first chapter that Batman didn’t know who would be looking for Weepy Sue? But he knows who she is and knows her husband, so he should know exactly who would be looking for her.

“We’ve been friends for at least two years and I’ve heard him tell me all about you and your dedication to helping maintain better orphanages for abandoned children.”

As opposed to all those orphanages they have for children who are in loving and supportive families.

Lisa blushed from Bruce’s kind knowledge of her work.

The hell does that even mean?

She had always wanted a better future for the children in her city.

I think you mean her country, or possibly her planet depending on what kind of princess she is.

She was a hard worker and now she can see things make a change for her family’s future.

I have no frickin’ idea what you’re trying to say, but I assume this is just more Sue-stroking nonsense.

But now, hunger had set in and she began to dig into the food Bruce brought her. Bruce admired her charming, delicate, style of eating; Royal like and refined.

I sense some conflict in meaning here. When I see the phrase “dig in” I think of someone eating with a certain amount of gusto – which would be the exact opposite of someone using delicate and refined table manners.

“I’ll leave you to your meal, Princess. If you need any more, ring this bell and Alfred will be up to serve your needs.” He gave her a bell, to ring, and set it on a nightstand next to her bed.

“Bow-chicka-bow-wow. Alfred’s a sexy silver fox; he can ring my bell any time.”

:throws boot at Syl: Get out! It’s not that kind of servicing. At least, I really hope it isn’t.

Bruce left the room as Lisa continued to enjoy her meal. She took a sip of the warm tea, that was also left for her, before watching Bruce leave with a smile on his face.

But where the hell did the tea come from? It wasn’t on the try that Bruce brought with him.

Unknown to Bruce or anyone in Gotham, was that a plane flew threw the night time sky and was on approach to Gotham City Airport.

Hopefully the air traffic controllers know about it, or this could end messy.

:watches the night sky soar towards SC:

Meh, he’ll be fine.

Inside the cabin, A white gryphon with a black business suit, sat in his seat, while tending to a brown bat that sat on the arm of the seat.

He’s not actually wearing the suit, he’s just holding it as an accessory. Much like that bat, I guess.

He talked on the phone as if announcing his arrival to land.

He’s not actually announcing his arrival to land, whatever the hell that means, because passengers don’t communicate with the airport tower – he’s just pretending that he is. Next he’s going to pretend he’s an astronaut talking to Ground Control!

“I’ll be landing in a few minutes, Commissioner Gordon,” He spoke calmly and with authority, “Have you prepared the escort I requested? The Gryphon petted the head of his little bat as he spoke.

First off, why did you start narrating your actions to the commissioner? And why are you even talking to the police commissioner?

And a pet bat? Really? That’s not exactly subtle, author. Dos Flying Stu here also have a handful of pet robins flying around as well?

“We are waiting for your arrival, Prince Chance. Everything is all ready for you to arrive safely to your hotel.” Gordon replied on the other end of the call.

He called the police commissioner directly to arrange some sort of security detail for his secret trip to Gotham? Doesn’t he have any security personnel with him?

“I’m looking to seeing things run smoothly, while I stay for the time needed,” Chance replied, “There’s a fugitive that’s facing death row and if I don’t find her soon, she could do great harm to the citizens of Gotham.”

Wait, is Weepy Sue the criminal? She doesn’t really seem like the type. And why would a prince be in charge of tracking down a criminal? He has to call ahead for a police escort, so it isn’t like he can exactly sneak around looking for someone.

“I understand, Your Highness,” Gordon said with a serious tone of voice, “We’ll leave you to your mission to commit the execution.”

And this prince is going to perform an execution while in Gotham? How would that be in any way legal? What happened to the extradition process? Has this criminal even been convicted and sentenced to death, or are they just wanted for crimes so Flying Stu is going to preemptively execute her because reasons? There are legal steps that another government would take to locate a criminal and bring them back to the area where they committed their crimes. Gordon might be okay with Batman’s brand of vigilante justice, but this just sounds wrong.

“Not me…Him,” Chance replied. “Him?” Gordon asked with curiosity.

Don’t look at me, I have no idea why Flying Stu has decided to play the pronoun game. Maybe Flying Stu is going to try to enlist Batman’s help, but with that whole “no killing” rule of his I don’t think that would work very well.

“Trust me. He must do this alone and I ask that Batman remains out of this. He does things his way and Batman would only get in the way.”

No I’m really confused. If Unknown Male isn’t Batman, then who is it? Why is Flying Stu being so cryptic about everything? Why can’t Flying Stu just say he brought along an executioner to take care of this wanted criminal, since it is apparently legal for him to perform executions outside of his legal jurisdiction?

:shakes fic:

MAKE SENSE, DAMMIT!

Gordon sighed on the other end. “All right, Your Highness,” Gordon complied, “We’ll see to it The Batman remains out of what ever needs to be done on your behalf.”

:snorts:

Yeah, good luck with that. Gordon can’t even keep Batman around long enough to finish a conversation, so I highly doubt he would be able to control Batman to the extent you seem to think that he can.

Chance stroked his little bat’s ear, hearing her give off a series of happy squeaks and squeals. “See that you do,” Chance spoke with authority, “I’ll be landing shortly. Don’t disappoint me, Commissioner. The ties of our planetary cities rest on the fugitive’s capture.” The call ended.

Question – if the “ties” of your “planetary cities” (whatever the hell that’s supposed to mean) ride on finding this fugitive, then wouldn’t asking Batman, The World’s Greatest Detective, be something you would want to do? Or is Flying Stu and his unknown henchman just so mega-awesome at finding criminals that they don’t need any local help? I mean, the criminal is probably another gryphon/griffin so they aren’t exactly going to blend in with the human population and should be easy to spot, but you have to know where to start looking. Flying Stu can’t just walk into the nearest den of ill repute and demand to know if there are any gryphons/griffins around.

The plane landed and soon Chance entered Gotham City by police escort, as he rode in a limousine.

What a master of stealth.

Chance could only think of his mission and what may had become of his wife. He recalled her leaving him, after an abrupt fight at his home in Alternative City.

Is that seriously the name of their city? I hope it means something different in Gryphon/Griffin.

He never laid a hand on her, despite her slapping him so hard, he fell to the ground.

If Weepy Sue can knock a full grown gryphon/griffin over with just a slap, why didn’t she put up any kind of struggle when she was abducted by the Gotham City Mobsters?

He remembered her leaving The Estate in tears, and pregnant with his child.

The Estate? Really? Damn but you are bad at naming things.

Days passed and all he could do was wait for his law enforcement to return his calls with a lead…nothing came to be.

Either Weepy Sue is really good at hiding, or the law enforcement people in :snerk: Alternative City are very incompetent.

He never wanted to hurt his wife, but somehow he did without even knowing what he did.

Wasn’t she the one who knocked you down before running out on you?

He was in the arms of another female, yet she was controlling him to her ways, all he did was try to stare her down, but that made it worse.

I have so much pronoun confusion. It looks like Flying Stu was in the arms of another woman and Weepy Sue was trying to control Flying Stu in some way so he decided to try to stare Weepy Sue down like she was the one at fault but that somehow made the situation worse.

Geez, no wonder she slapped him.

She wrapped her arms around The Prince, tempting him to do her bidding.

So Weepy Sue is hugging both Flying Stu and the mysterious female in an attempt to make him do what she wants him to do? Weepy Sue must have really long arms to go with her inflated sense of self-worth.

The last thing he remembered was a severe slap to his face, sending him crashing to the ground, and the woman gone.

Which woman, the mysterious female or Weepy SUe? It’s already been established that Weepy Sue ran away, but did the mysterious female go with her? Did they build themselves a little love nest somewhere before Weepy Sue was taken by the Gotham City Mobsters?

He had to find her and execute her properly, for if she was allowed to roam free, his family could be in peril…wife, and child.

Does that mean that this mysterious female is the reason that Flying Stu is in Gotham? What about Weepy Sue? Doesn’t he care about finding her? Was he even aware she had been kidnapped, or had he assumed she would return to :snerk: The Estate after she finished throwing her tantrum?

He sat in deep thought throughout the entire ride to the hotel, petting his little bat.

:Syl returns and pulls a Portable Porn Music Generator out of her vest pocket:

:eye-twitch: Batjamags is very lucky my Xenodoken Gun is in the shop for it’s monthly wax and buff. Also, how the hell did you fit that thing in there?

“I can be extremely accommodating.” :winks:

Well, that statement certainly has a number of disturbing implications. :throws other boot at Syl:

“Ohh, Andromeda,” He spoke in sadness to his little pet, “I’m worried about Lisa and the child I’m soon to father.

Dude, if she’s pregnant then you’ve already fathered the child. You can’t exactly father another child with Weepy Sue while she’s still pregnant.

If only I can call Bruce and ask him for help, but I’m too upset to even call him.”

Your pregnant wife, the princess of your city/country/planet, is missing and you’re too upset to even call someone for help in locating her? :face-palm: Frickin’ hell, dude! If you were really upset about it, you would be squandering resources like a n00b trying to find her.

Andromeda looked up to her master with a sad bat like squeal, as he continued to pet her.

She’s literally a bat so she wouldn’t make a “bat like squeal”; it’s just a squeal. It’s completely unnecessary, like pointing out that cats make cat-like meows.

“I just wish I knew where she was, and if she was all right.” A sad tear fell to his hand as they arrived at last.

Am I going to have to change your name to Weepy Stu now?

You would think that the prince would make locating his lost pregnant wife a priority and delegate the task of locating this mysterious female criminal to someone else, but apparently you would be wrong. I guess there’s no one else in the city/country/planet to do these tasks so Flying Stu has to handle everything himself.

Before long, The Prince was in his suite and preparing to order his meal, before setting out to do what he was determined to do.

:pulls feet up onto chair: If the vagueness gets any deeper, I’m going to need my hip-waders.

Back at Wayne Manor, Lisa recalled the fight as well, but her side was too much difficult to handle than his.

Oh, this should be good. And by ‘good’ I mean a frickin’ train wreck.

She had always been faithful to her beloved Chance and she never allowed herself to cheat on her husband.

She didn’t allow herself to cheat? That makes it sound like she really wanted to commit adultery, but managed to force herself not to.

She had just been through her second trimester and she was so close to having their first child,

She’s only about two-thirds of the way through the pregnancy so she has either one month (if her gestation follows that of a lion) or three months (if she is following a more human-like timetable) to go until the bun is out of the oven. Either way, that’s still a fairly long time to go.

until she caught Chance in the arms of a she cat in a red dress and heels.

Was Flying Stu the one in the dress and heels, or was it the mysterious female? I’m not judging, but that is the sort of thing that you need to clarify.

Her hair was elegant, and Chance was submissive to her possessive ways.

Pronoun trouble yet again. It’s nice to know that Weepy Sue has elegant hair, though.

The cat kissed Chance, right before Lisa’s painful eyes, and not once did he break away.

If you are near a cat and have painful eyes, that is probably a sign that you are allergic.

This narrative seems to be evolving as it is being written; Flying Stu remembers having some sort of weird staring contest that was interrupted by a slap that knocked him over, while Weepy Sue saw him in a full-on lip lock with a nekomimi version of the Amazing Kreskin.

The she cat looked to Lisa and said “Awww…Did I take your Heroic Prince?!” The she cat laughed so mean that Lisa’s heart broke.

My keen Librarian senses are telling me that this nekomimi is supposed to be the villain. There is also a very good chance that the nekomimi’s name is going to be the same as that of a girl the author doesn’t like, possibly a girl who “stole” the author’s crush.

She regained her senses and remembered leaving Alternative City to take a Shuttle to Earth,

There’s a regular shuttle service between :snerk: Alternative City and Earth? The use of boom tubes I would have understood, but this is far outside the canon of the DCAU.

unaware the ship was hijacked and herself sold to the mob

Weepy Sue was unaware that her ship was hijacked and she was then sold to the Gotham City Mobsters? How dense can someone get? And in the previous chapter Mr. Stereotype made it sound as if they had kidnapped her, not bought her from these slavers/hijackers.

to make Gotham pay for Chance’s unity with the military and sending plans to keep criminals off the streets.

…Nandatte?

What the hell does that mean? The Gotham City Mobsters kidnapped Weepy Sue – actually, they didn’t even do that since she stormed off after a fight and just happened to take a shuttle that was hijacked by a completely different group that sold her to the Gotham City Mobsters – who is the princess of a completely different city/country/planet than Gotham in order to make Gotham pay for Flying Stu (who is also not affiliated with Gotham) making an alliance with some anonymous military organization and sending some sort of “plans” to keep criminals off the streets? Why would Gotham, home of the frickin’ Batman (bitches!) need plans to keep criminals off the street? THEY HAVE BATMAN!

And the Gotham City Mobsters told Weepy Sue all of this during the time she was being held hostage (and apparently being mistreated in some way) because … reasons?

Lisa vowed to never speak to Chance again, but how could she not to? He loved her and would never hurt her, even if tempted by other women.

According to Weepy Sue he wasn’t just tempted, he was being completely submissive to the nekomimi and let her do what she wanted.

Gryphones mated for life and she was immortal along with her family and servant, as well as her beloved Prince.

:lifts up edge of fic: We’re just gonna shove this back story in here right quick … :jabs exposition repeatedly with broom:

If she’s immortal, why would she be so concerned about dying? She was weeping and pleading for her life! Is she only mostly immortal? And who is this servant? Was it the nekomimi? Is there someone else running around in this fic? WHAT IS GOING ON?!?

How could she leave him? How could she just strike the one she loved?

Because you saw him letting a nekomimi lick his tonsils?

Tears fell onto her pillow, allowing Lisa to try to forget the horror she faced and remember how kind Bruce was to her.

…I thought she was eating that enormous tray of fish and seafood? She’s not eating in bed, is she?

She remembered The Batman who came to her assistance, freeing her from the mob that threatened harm to herself and her unborn. Who was he? What was he?

I guess that finally answers the question of whether or not Bruce told her about his secret identity.

Why would he waste his efforts to save a creature like herself?

I can think of several reasons. First off, Weepy Sue is apparently a princess and thus there is likely a reward for her return (assuming Flying Stu remembered to set one up) so if Bruce was the kind of person interested in just money he would have a very good reason to insure her continued existence. Bruce has also mentioned that he knows Flying Stu, so he may be taking care of her due to this friendship. There’s also basic human compassion to consider; Weepy Sue is a pregnant woman in need of aid and protection, after all. And, even if Weepy Sue doesn’t know it, Bruce is Batman and Batman always has a reason for what he does. There are many reasons, but I have a feeling that the narration is not going to explore any of them.

Thoughts flooded her mind and soon she drifted off to sleep, as a final tear fell down her frightened face. What was to become of her now and will she ever see Chance again, in forgiveness?

I don’t know, but I bet there’s going to be a lot of crying involved.

Bruce watched from the doorway of her room, as Alfred stood by his side. He felt Lisa’s pain with every heartbroken sob she released while trying to sleep.

And two grown men watching a woman sleep-cry without her knowledge is in no way creepy. That’s a totally normal thing for them to do.

“I must be crazy, Alfred!.” Bruce gave off a moody and resentful tone of voice to what he was doing,

:repeatedly headdesks:

“She’d never trust me, after the way she was treated, last night! So why does she allow me to get close to being her friend?!”

Wait, last night? It says RIGHT THERE :points to fic: that it has been days since Weepy Sue was rescued. DAYS!

“If I may, Master Bruce,” Alfred said with assurance, “She trusts you, as you wanted to trust her.

She does? I didn’t see any proof of that. They’ve barely spent ten seconds together, and exchanged maybe a dozen sentences total.

She is a Royal, Yes, and I thank God no one dared to harm her.

I know Alfred’s British, but I don’t think they are loyal to all royalty – just their own.

You, on the other hand, bitter as you may seem, have a caring side, enough to see to it she remains safe and well cared for. That’s why she’s given you the time to get to know her…as a true friend.

Is that what Weepy Sue is doing? I thought she was sleeping and crying over her cheating spouse while recovering from her supposed mistreatment.

The same way, you and Prince Chance learned to trust each other.”

A trust the audience is only being told about and probably will never be shown.

Bruce allowed Alfred’s words to sink in, and released a smile small enough to show his servant’s point.

:repeatedly headdesks:

Why aren’t you making any sense? I just want to slap you until my wrist hurts, and then switch hands.

He entered Lisa’s room and approached her bedside.

Still totally normal behaviour and not the least bit creepy.

His hands, then, brushed the bangs from her forehead.

Okay, that’s it;

:THWACK!:

BAD TOUCH!

“Don’t worry, Lisa,” Bruce said with a caring tone, “I’ll protect you…you and your baby. That’s a vow I’m making to you, as of now.”

He’s making a vow to an unconscious person who cannot acknowledge it in any way and will never know that it exists. In fact, if Weepy Sue woke up right now she would likely never trust this creepy Edward Cullen version of Bruce Wayne.

Lisa began to purr, releasing her fears until she sobbed no more.

I don’t think any of these characters understand how emotions work.

Bruce soon joined Alfred down in the cave to discuss what could be done to make sure Lisa’s safety was fulfilled.

You could tie her to a chair in the middle of a locked room and surround her with guards! No, wait …

As the city remained unaltered by Chance’s arrival,

Except for that extremely visible police escort to his hotel and the fact that any time royalty visits anywhere there’s tons of news stories about it.

A pair of dark shadows stand on the rooftop, one a tall outlaw in black, conceiled by a shadow’s form.

…Batman? But then who is the second figure?

The Other was a small black bat with red eyes, that stood on his shoulder.

Why does the bat have eyes on his shoulders? That’s not normal.

Chance’s voice rang into the shadow figure’s mind. “The night has just begun, Hunter,” He said, “Let’s get to work.”

Does this mean that Flying Stu is some sort of telepath? Is this Hunter fellow the executioner Flying Stu brought along to murder the nekomimi? WHY CAN’T YOU EXPLAIN ANYTHING?

“Come, Dark Moon,” Hunter told his bat companion, “We have work to do!”

The bat’s name is Dark Moon? Were all the good sidekick names already trademarked?

“Yessss, Bounty Hunter,” The bat said to her master, “Before The Batman gets in our way!”

Bounty Hunter? That doesn’t sound like the name of a state sanctioned executioner working of the orders of the Crown. Bounty hunters are mercenaries who find people for money.

“He won’t. Because if he dares to disobey Prince Chance’s orders…He’ll have me to contend with!

Again, this is the Batman (bitches!); he’s not going to follow anyone’s orders, least of all vague orders from some tryhard prince with an identity disorder.

And that’s it for the fic, gentle Patrons! There’s been no updates since 2010, so I’m going to cautiously put this one on the “Abandoned” pile. I almost riffed each chapter separately, but the first chapter wasn’t all that bad by itself – it’s clearly the product of a young and inexperienced author – however the second chapter … Woo, boy. The author evidently ran out of steam and started desperately grasping at straws in an attempt to pad out the fic and shoved exposition that should have been included in that first chapter. Like a lot of authors they probably had one element that they really liked (in this case I would wager it was the super special SI character) and though that would be enough to carry the fic, but when they actually got into writing it found that a narrative needs much more to sustain it. So it goes.

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