1818: The Lone Wolf Of The Normandy — Chapter Seven Part Two

Hello hello all you Patrons, and welcome back to the slowly expanding pile of horrors that is The Lone Wolf of the Normandy.

Last time everyone had a big long chat with that asari scientist Liara that they picked up on Therum, during which time Spartan beat up some more Alliance soldiers, developed some sort of weird hate-on for the pilot, insulted everyone’s intelligence, threw out stupid conspiracy theories dressed up as some sort of tactical insight, and generally was an insubordinate prick to Shepard. Shepard for her part just took a shower, posed in her underwear for no real reason for the author, and was an insubordinate prick to the Council she is supposed to work for. We left just as she was going up to the cockpit to probably be an insubordinate prick to Joker or for Joker to be an insubordinate prick to her.

Oh, and Jun is still chilling on the Citadel and not being a massive dickwad to every single person he meets.”

Show and Tell Counter: 29

Amorous Counter: 74

Collateral Douchebag Counter: 19

Walking passed the crew they all saluted her as she went passed while she nodded back until she finally reach the cockpit where Joker was sitting in his Chair.

Not just any chair, mind you, but an honest-to-doughnuts Chair!

I wonder if it has legendary Chair Powers?

Jeff Joker Moreau with in his mid twenty’s with short brown hair and a thin brown, tanned skin and stood around 5’9.

“I’m sorry, I guess the Admiral ‘n I haven’t been quite clear enough on this point over the last seven chapters:

WE

DO

NOT

GIVE

A

COVENANT

FUCK

HOW

TALL

ANYONE

IS.”

Also, it has just occurred to me that every height we’ve been given so far is in Imperial units. Not only does that not make sense internally since every POV character comes from a fully-Metric society, but it also makes me wonder about the author, who uses British spellings for words.

He was wearing a blue alliance cap, a short sleeved blue alliance uniform as was currently sitting in the pilots chair.

Joker’s the copilot for an empty uniform?”

You know, if this story became a crossover with Kill La Kill, it would actually substantially improve.

“I prefer gold to silver. You know, for my medal. I figured you’d recommend me for one since I pulled your, uh, Boots out of the fire.” Joker commented as he heard the Commander approach from behind him.

” If we present you with a medal, you’ll end up sitting on stage listening to politicians make speeches for a couple of hours. Plus you would only earn a silver medal there as Six is the one who pulled us out of the fire with his jet-pack.” Jane stated.

“…

Once again, I’d like to see Six’s twerpy little jetpack get them all the way to the Mass Relay without a ship right there in the danger zone to do all the grunt work.”

Then again it can lift five people, so it’s less a jet pack and more a Harrier fighter jet stuffed up his ass.

“What! I totally earned that medal. Besides the silent giant would just refuse it, you know what the strong silent types are like Commander. Besides that guy has a stick up his ass. “Joker said to Jane.

“Don’t you think your being a little harsh to him? You don’t even know him.” Jane asked Joker.

True. If you knew him, you’d realize that there is no stick, just ass.”

“Nope. That guy doesn’t talk to anybody and keeps away from everybody like we have the plague or something. Look I get it it if he’s a Xenophobe, I’ve met hundreds before but he doesn’t have to broadcast it to the whole damn galactic community, now everybody thinks that we’re all like that.” Joker stated to her.

“Well from what Admiral Hackett told me, Six hasns’t spent time around other people so he has no idea how to socialise with people, plus his team Noble team were all killed around two weeks ago and now he has to join a complete new team….would you want to socialise after all that?” Jane asked her pilot.

Waaaa waaaaaaa waaaaaaaaaaaa, feew sowwy fow me…

“Well…i guess when you say that.” Joker mumbled.” but I mean come on even you have to admit that there’s something off about that guy? I mean have you seen him out of his amour since he’s been on the Normandy? Or even removed his helmet. I’m sorry Commander but I cant trust a guy who hides behind a helmet all the time.” Joker told her.

My issue isn’t the helmet, it’s the fedora underneath it.

Although that does make me wonder just how the fuck this man eats. He’s been in Shepard’s universe for at least a few days now, has he just been going into combat about to keel over from starvation?”

Amorous Counter: 75

“So you don’t trust Tali then?” Jane asked him.

“Well she’s a Qaurian, she has to be behind a helmet 24’7, Six has no excuse now does he?”

“I’m not asking you to be his friend Joker but cut him some slack alright? He must have a reason to not want to take his suit off.” Jane said to him.

Other than being all mysteeeeeeeeeeeeerious and the inevitable ‘shocking’ reveal that he looks like a supermodel under it, probably not.

“Yeah, yeah Commander. I’ll be civil with him unless he messes with my baby that is.” Joker told her as he rubbed the arm of his chair as he was still a little irked that he shut down the Normandy.

I’d give him about five more minutes before he tries to blow up the entire ship.”

“You seem awfully concerned about the Spartan, ma’am….fallen for him have we?” Joker asked with a smirk.”It’s always the strong silent types.” He muttered getting a smack in the back of the head by a slightly red face Commander.

On one hand, he deserves that.”

On the other, he’s appallingly right.

“I barely know him, Jeff.” Jane told the cheeky pilot who still had a smirk on his face.

We, on the other hand, know him way too dam well.

“And no, I haven’t fallen for him, he’s just a mystery that I want to solve is all.”

The mystery is how this asshole made it through Basic Training without being bounced out of the military on his overstuffed ass.”

“Whatever you say commander.” Joker with with an amused smile making the spectre simmer at her own pilot was against her, she hadn’t fallen for the stupid giant, stubborn hard headed, argumentative Spartan….she barely knew him anyway.

“So Commander, why don’t you tell me why you’re really here? As I doubt you just came to talk about the giant.” Joker asked her.

“No, I just wanted to see how you were is all.” Jane told the helmsmen.

So after that bit of inanity we have the get-to-know-you conversation with Liara, which proceeds almost exactly as canon except for a few bizarre and creepy insertions:

“We still require a partner to reproduce. This second parent, however, may be any species and any gendered.” Liara told Jane.

“I don’t understand. Your species can mate with anyone? You need a male to have a baby as he has to insert his….thing inside the woman’s…thing.” Jane said gaining a tint of pink on her cheeks talking about intercourse with a woman she had met not even an hour ago.

The… fuck?”

Sadly, yes.

“And even after there gone, a part of them remains with us, that we keep forever. The union is a connection that transcends both time and space.” Liara told her.

“I think somebody been watching Doctor Who.” Jane teased.

“Doctor what?” Liara asked a bit confused.

“Oh sorry, old human show. Its a bit of a guilty pleasure for me.” Jane told her with a bright smile while unconsciously started humming the theme song in the back of her head.

DOCTOR HWO

Wow. All the subtlety of a toppling house.

After re-hashing her original conversation with Liara, Shepard decides that the best thing to do is of course to re-hash her get-to-know-you conversation with Kaiden Alenko.”

Wait, he was in this ‘fic?

His special training program is called Biotic Acclimation and ‘Temperance’, but other than that there’s really fuck-all to it.”

So, after that, we get another forced millennial reference…

“Of course, Commander.” Kaidan replied to her before Jane headed back to the Cargo bay to greet the rest of her crew and see how their minds were about the mission, she knew that Wrex would be brooding by the wall and Six would be away from the others in a dark corner, most probably brooding like Wrex was as he was like a highly advanced Batman.

She was expecting every time she turned to speak to him, for to to growl out.”I’m Batman!” Before he would disappear into the shadows, something that made her giggle inwardly.

*sigh…*

THE BASTMAN

And, honestly, Logan is really more on the level of Jayden Warney from The Shadow Warriors.

… and then it’s time to head over to the MAKO for a rehash of the get-to-know-you conversation with Garrus! What joy!

Once she got out of the lift she decided to speak to her favourite Turian and headed over to the Mako where Garrus was calibrating…again.

OH FOR FUCK’S SAKE, IF I HAVE TO HEAR ONE MORE FUCKING GODDAMN LINE ABOUT FUCKING GODDAMN CALIBRATIONS I AM GOING TO FLIP THIS FUCKING GODDAMN TABLE!

I…….. think it’d be a good idea to skip the rest of this scene, too.”

“I’m not sulking. I’m calibrating.” Garrus told her making her laugh.

“Well I’ll leave you to your calibrating. Bye Garrus.”

GOD FUCKING DAMMIT YOU FUCKING IMBECILIC LITTLE DUDEBRO ASS CLOWN LITTLE FUCKING FUCKING FUCKING FUCKING FUCKING FUCKINGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG GGGGGGGGG GGGG GG G GGGGG

BSOD

Well, fuck.”

Jane said to him as she waved him goodbye before she headed to find their resident Giant.

Oh twelve o’clock! Six. We got the red haired commander headed our way.” Dot told Six

What other Commander would Spartan be looking for?”

who was was currently at the weapons bench, maintaining his weapons, taking them apart, cleaning them before putting them back together without really looking at them, after doing it for years it was a second nature to him now.

Didn’t he just get a bunch of new weapons when he got sent here?”

“Kurt” Jane voice called him.

“Commander?” Six asked her as he turned around to look at her.

“Do you have time for a little chat?” Jane asked him hoping to get to know the Spartan a bit more

Show and Tell Counter: 30

with the lieutenant nodding slightly.

“So? How are you settling in on the Normandy? I know that we didn’t meet in the best situation and everything that has happened since and then how the Crew has been treating you. Its not the best impression for when you’ve been out in the terminus system for years.” Jane apologised to him.

“Jane apologized to him? JANE apologized to HIM????

“It’s fine, Commander.” Six told her.

“I have to ask. Is there a reason you never remove your Amour or helmet when we’re not on a mission?” Jane asked the Spartan-III who looked to the ground to think as it had been years since he had been out of his amour as before he had the MJOLNIR power amour he was using the SPI amour when he began his Spartan-III career

Amorous Counter: 79

“I fell comfortable with it on.” Six told the spectre.”I’ve been wearing my amour for so long now….my career made me depend on it.” Six said quietly making Jane frown and wonder what his job was to make him be in his amour at all times.

Gosh, maybe it involved being a soldier.”

Amorous Counter: 81

“Well when you want to remove your amour, let me know, Okay.” Jane told him.

Gyehhh…”

Yeah, even without the misspelling that’s a bit pervy.

“*Troy does a bit of a double-take as AdmiralSakai walks into the control room, pushes aside the rollie-chair in which AdmiralSakai is currently sitting slumped over and comatose, and snags another to sit down in.*”

what? It’s just common sense in the computer world to keep backups.

Amorous Counter: 82

“I doubt you could Commander. My amour weighs over a ton.” The Lieutenant told her.

” Your joking right?” Jane asked as she looked up at his visor.

“No Ma’am.”Six said seriously.

*barely suppressed Marine giggling*”

Amorous Counter: 83

“Wow. What can you lift?” Jane asked in amazement at the Spartan who was carrying around a ton of amour on him like it was nothing.

“More then you, Ma’am.” Six said stoically.

“Is that a challenge?” Jane asked with a smirk.

“No Ma’am, just stating facts.”

I mean, yeah, a Spartan probably is stronger than the average Alliance Marine, but there’s ways to say that without coming across as a massive dick.”

Amorous Counter: 84

“Well once your ready to take your amour off. Me and you will be having a spar.” Jane told with with a challenging grin.

“We best not, Ma’am.”

“Why scared that you’ll lose to a woman?.”

No, but I bet the author is.”

Just don’t let Garrus hear about this.

Amorous Counter: 85

“No. I’d break you.” Logan told Jane who went a little red as she took his words a different way when he told her he would break her.

Ok, so, obvious that’s supposed to be another double entendre, but I’m not sure exactly how. Is it supposed to be some kind of BDSM thing?

If he’s carrying over a ton of amour on him and walking around like it was nothing, he must have a body of a god under all that amour. He certainly would break me like an old piece of firewood

Yeahhh, still not making sense.

Amorous Counter: 87

“Jane thought as she blushed even harder as her face matched her hair. “Stop it Jane! Stop thinking like that, sure it’s been a while but your not a hormonal female that wants only one thing!

No matter how hard the story tries to turn you into one.”

Jane mentally breathed herself.

“?”

… I think he meant ‘berated’.

“Commander? You’ve gone red.” Six told her as he saw her face turn red for some reason…strange.

Show and Tell Counter: 31

Oh, Logan.” Dot said with a sigh at the denseness of her partner.

“What?”

I believe the word is phrasing, You said you would break her, a young beautiful woman?” Dot informed him.”That’s not the kind of thing a man should say to a woman unless their talking about one thing.

Not only is this baffling, it’s also getting increasingly creepy.

“If we spared I would break her.”

ten-pin-bowling-spare-as-snake-eyes-bed-posts-19075331

Six replied unsure what he had apparently said wrong, he was an augmented super soldier, if he fought against the commander then he would break and injure her, it was simple logic at the end of the day.

Hmm.

You know, his repetitious use of that one specific term is getting weirder and weirder, to the point where I am wondering if the author is not a native English speaker and it makes some measure of actual sense in the language this ‘fic was originally written in.

Don’t worry, Logan. You’ll learn soon.” Dot reassured him.

“Yes…I’m fine Kurt. It’s just a little hot in here is all.” Jane told him as he mentally tried to will her flustered state away.

As opposed to… physically trying to will it away?”

Show and Tell Counter: 32

“There’s a nice breeze here actually.” Garrus commented from the Mako making Jane turn and level a glare at him for destroying her cover story for blushing.

“Well your not human, Garrus, so its different for us.” Jane told him.

“Well anyway. Dinner will be ready in a few hours and I want you to have something, Okay?” Jane told Six with narrowed eyes as he hadn’t eaten at all since he had been on the Normandy so he had to be hungry. Six nodded his head making her smile at him before she walked away to speak to Wrex.

Huh. So he is charging into battle about to keel over from starvation.”

Or he would be, if this ‘fic had any coherent sense of time and pacing. We really have no idea how long he’s been on the Normandy, on the Citadel, or even in this universe, as those convenient little time-and-date stamps went away back in Chapter One.

“Why?” Jane heard Six ask her.

“Why, what?” The Spectre asked him, clearly confused.

“Why are being kind to me?”

Good question. It’s not like he’s ever done anything at all to deserve it…

“Its not a crime is it? I just want to get to know you as a person. You seem to cut yourself away from everyone all the time and distance yourself from everything. Maybe you do it to handle whatever you’ve been through in your life but eventually everything you’ve bottled up will explode. I hope maybe one day you’ll open up to the crew or to me. I promise you Kurt. Whatever you’ve done in your past, nobody here will judge you for it. But in all honesty I think you need a friend in your life. Just so you can talk to somebody.” Jane told him sincerely.

Damn, Six. That was deep.” Dot stated.

Not really.”

“We’ll see, ma’am.” Logan replied after a few moments.

“You can call me Jane.” Jane told him kindly.

“Your a superior officer Ma’am. It wouldn’t be right.” Six stated to her.

“Well Maybe when we’re friends then.” Jane asked hopefully as she wanted to get to know the man behind the amour.

“Maybe… Commander.” Six told her making the red haired Spectre smile at him making that strange feeling return in his chest again like it usually did when she smiled but shrugged it off again.

NO

Amorous Counter: 88

“Well, I’ll leave you to yourself, lieutenant . See you at dinner.”Jane told him as she waved him goodbye and left to speak to Wrex.

So after this Six and Dot proceed to rehash the conversation he and Shepard just had, before waxing maudlin about the rest of Noble Team and Six’s family.

We learn that Spartan got his stupid Hyper-Lethal Vector thing at age eighteen, he complains about how under-fucking-appreciated the Spartan-IIIs are, and apparently his predecessor Thom-A293 was in a goddamned love triangle with Carter-A259 and Kat-B320!

Amorous Counter: 89

You remember your mother? Most of the III’s can’t remember anything about their lives after they became Spartans…most only cared about killing covenant.

“A bit.” The lieutenant hesitated.”I had a sister….Sarah was her name.”

What was she like?“Dot asked wanting to know more about her new partners life before he became a Spartan-III commando.

“I don’t remember,” Six told her.” She wanted to be a marine though.”

Well that makes this whole Shepard relationship thing even creepier than it already was…”

After leaving The Spartan, Jane decided to head over to the Krogan battlemaster who was standing in his usual place by the wall.

SKIP!”

The Commander decided to speak to the gunnery chief was was at her usual place next to the lockers and the weapons bench.

SKIP!”

After chatting Jane decided to head to see Tali who was in engineering as she was a geek for anything technological which came from being a Quarian.

SKIP!

Also, that’s racist.”

nodding before she turned back to her station while Jane went to her quarters to start the evil know as….Paperwork.

You know, ‘The Young Quarians’ would make for an awesome name for an indie band.

 

23:45 pm

Oh, so now the timestamps are back.”

Sort of. We still have no idea what the date is…

… Actually, looking back, we have never gotten a date and time more specific than “2183”, so never fucking mind! This timestamp in fact serves to provide us with nothing.

Noble Six opened his eyes and looked around to see he was in the hanger bay and everybody expect Garrus had left.

Oh, finally awake are you?” Dot asked as she appeared on his visor with a cheeky grin.

“How long was I out?” Six asked as he rubbed his muscles.

Which is totally a thing you can do through armor.”

Through amour, you mean.

Oh. Yes. Right.”

About seven hours, everybody was called for dinner a while ago.” Dot told him.

“Why didn’t you wake me?” Six asked not because he wanted dinner but because he didn’t want to let his guard down.

You needed the rest, I would of rather he kept sleeping as its been two days since you last did.

… and the timesquiggle deepens.

I know you could go a while without it but I rather you catch up on sleep rather then just a few hours.” Dot told him.

“I’m fine, Dot.” Six informed her making her sigh at his dismissal of his health.

“How are you feeling?” Six asked making her look down in shame at her outburst from earlier.

Sorry, Logan. I guess these new emotions take some getting used to.” Dot apologised to him.

“It’s fine.” Logan waved off,”You lost Noble Team too.”

Yeah…it’s just hard to believe there all gone now.” Dot mumbled.

“I know.” Six said to her.

Oh, good, more horrible attempts at irony.

Well enough of this sitting around. You need food.” Dot ordered as she set a way point for him on his HUD.

“I know where I’m going Dot.” Six told her while she just ignored him. Six shrugged and headed to the lift.

Once he was out of the lift he saw that it was only Jane sitting at the table on her own but had a small picture she was holding in her hands tenderly as if she was afraid she would break it.

“Commander.” Six greeted to the Spectre making her jump from her seat with a scream…uh shout yep, a shout.

I’d make Taco’s ‘manly bellow’ joke here, but once again that seems a little insensitive considering everything else.

“Kurt! Don’t sneak up on people like that. I could of used my mad karate skill’s on you.” Jane joked at the end as she turned to look up from the seat.

“Sorry Ma’am.” Six apologised but had a small amused smile behind his visor.

“I didn’t see you at dinner.” Jane asked as she levelled a glare at the Spartan.

“Apologizes, Commander. I um…fell asleep.” Told her a tad embarrassed making Shepard grin at the lieutenant.

“So even our armoured giant needs sleep?” She asked with a teasing smile.

“I’m afraid so, ma’am.” Six said to her.

“Well, you must be hungy, right?” Jane asked with a heart warming smile that made that feeling appearing in his chest again something he would have to ask Dot about soon.

Please just be a chestbuster please just be a chestbuster…

“Yes Commander.” B-312 replied to her.

“Well I get something for you then.” Jane said as she went to get him some food while Six stood where he was, before coming back with a tray of food, Jane handed it to him. “Sorry its only MRE’s.” Jane apologised to him.

I’m just glad it’s not a sandwich.”

“It’s fine Commander.” Six stated as the two just stood there looking at each other.

“So…that picture?” Six began to say as Jane looked at the Photo on the table and quickly grabbed it.

“Sorry I didn’t mean to make you drop it.” Six apologised to her.

“No.. it’s okay. Its just the only photo I have of my brother.” Jane waved off the Spartans worries.

“Want to see him?” Jane asked as she wasn’t sure why she was even asking him as she hadn’t showed anybody his photo before, but she felt like she could trust him with this bit of information and maybe would show him that she trusted him so he would trust her.

“Sure.” Six said as Jane walked next to him and showed him a picture of her family. He could see that Jane took after her mother as they shared the same hair colour and eyes but the other person of the group looked like he had seen hell.

Oh he does, does he? Why him and not Shepard’s veteran-officer mom?”

I think we both know the answer to that.

He had dirty blonde hair styled in a flat crew top, a youthful face, tanned skin, a lean swimmer body type, his eyes were heterochromia as one was bright blue while the other was glowing red

Stu.

with a scar running from his forehead to his jawline on his left side of his face and stood 4’8 a very short man

You know, it’s not even worth getting worked up about at this point.

and looked to be in his twenty’s

“There’s mum, Hannah Shepard, Me and my younger brother Blaze Shepard.” Jane told him with a smile.

… who the fuck names their child Blaze?!”

Who the fuck names one child Blaze and the other child Jane?! If you’re going to go for lunatic Stu naming, the least you could do is not half-ass it!

“Nice family.” Six said to her which she could almost hear the sigh in his voice at the thought of a family.

“Thanks. So do you have any sibling?..you don’t need to tell me of cour…” Jane began to ramble only to be cut by Six.

“I used to…an older sister.” Six said as he tried to think about what she looked like but came up with nothing, He just knew her name was Sarah.

Well, if he’s counting dead ones why only mention his sister and not his parents?”

“I’m sorry Kurt.” Jane said as she held his arm while giving him a sad smile.

“It’s fine Commander, well…I should go.” Six said to Jane who looked like she wanted to talk more.

“You can eat up here you know?” She told him with a smile.”I don’t bite.”

“I know Ma’am..I’d rather nobody saw my face.”

For once, Logan and I are in perfect agreement.

“I understand, Six.” Jane told him before she realised she was still holding his arm making her yank it away.

Did…

Did Shepard just rip off Spartan’s arm?”

Well this chapter just got a whole lot more interesting…

“Goodnight Ma’am.” Six said to her and turned and walked away leaving Shepard who watched him leave with a heavy heart. It was clear that he missed his family. And in time she hoped to he would talk about his past to her.

Show and Tell Counter: 33

Looking at the picture in her hands he rubbed her finger across the face of Blaze with a sad smile.

I hope wherever you are Blaze..you’ll come home soon.” Jane thought to herself as she and her brother hadn’t parted on the best of terms when they last saw each other a few years ago.

He was so angry about what had happened to him years ago while Jane wanted him to forget his past and move on but he had told her he would never forgive the Batarians for what they did

Oh, so the batarians were the ones who named him ‘Blaze’.”

or the Council for allowing the Batarians to do what the hell they wanted for so long with no consequences for their actions.

Which had caused the two siblings to drift apart as he decided to head to terminus system to hunt criminals instead of joining the alliance,

i.e., the Alliance with the military that spends a disproportionate time fighting the batarians?

like Jane wanted him to do, Hannah on the other hand just wanted her baby boy to stay with her, he and Jane were all that remained of their father after all.

“I miss you.” Jane mumbled before she headed into her room for the night.

Target is in sight.”A male voice came over the comms as a female in a white cat suit watched the Spartan heading down to the lower wards after he had spent most of the day looking around the citadel.

O hai Miranda.

I can already tell by the ‘catsuit’ remark that your time in this story is not going to be a pleasant one.

“Good, try to get him to come with peacefully,

The odds of anything remotely peaceful happening here are directly proportional to the odds of this being Jun currently and not Logan in a flashback.

if not take him down, we only want him amour and weapons at the end of the day.”

Amorous Counter: 90

The female said in an Australian accent as she watched the Spartan known as Noble Six walking down the steps.

He’s different then the description said he looked like.

“He’s probably changed his amour,

Yeah, sure, he’s probably changed the unique armor that literally looks like nothing else in this universe for a completely different set that he was able to bring with him.

Amorous Counter: 91

remember do not fight him in CQC, from the videos we have gotten, the amour gives him augmented strength, speed and has shields unlike anything we’ve seen before.” the woman said.

Don’t worry ma’am, that amour will be in Cerberus hands by the end of the day, one way or another.”The Cerberus agent told the woman who narrowed her blue eyes at his reply.

Amorous Counter: 93

“Don’t get cocky.”

Relax ma’am, we out number the lieutenant here.” The agent reassured her before he cut the feed and headed down the step to see the Spartan just standing still with his back turned to them.

“Spartan-B312, we need you to come with us for your own safety.”One of the Cerberus told the Spartan who continued to stand still his his back to them making them narrow their eyes slightly.

“Noble Six! We need you to come with us.” He repeated with more force only to be ignored again making him frown before he walked forward with his rifle and went to nudge him his rifle of the Spartan to disappear but before he could react they were snipped through the head, killing all of them besides one who he shot through the knees making him fall to the floor.

Wait, how many guys just got shot in the head by one bullet?”

Somewhere between mumblety and [REDACTED], I’d wager. Which is still far too many to possibly shoot in the head with one bullet.

“It’s Noble Three, actually.” Jun commented as he came out of activate camo before he walked towards the downed Cerberus agent who went into his pouch to grab a pouch of poison to prevent the Spartan from getting any intel from him, only to be shot into the hand by a Jun’s pistol.

Ok, I’ll accept that depending on exactly what take individual authors may want to have of it, Cerberus may not necessarily have the absolute best people working as its field agents. But this is just shameful. First off, we are expected to believe that Cerberus, a para-intelligence agency with people spread all throughout the Alliance military, completely missed the fact that a second Spartan showed up on Eden Prime and that the Spartan they were looking for had been deployed on the Normandy and was no longer on the Citadel; that they proceed with this operation even when very suspicious things start happening like their target not matching their target description; that the area has not been secured for snipers or random hooligans with cloaking technology (which is an extant thing they know about); that their actual ‘plan’ is just walking up to the target and saying ‘you need to come with us for your own safety’ with zero explanation given as to where or why; that they were all grouped together so that a sniper could pick them off with impunity; and that they had zero backup when things inevitably went south.

Also, this is why you put the suicide pill in your mouth.”

“Now, now, no need for that.”Jun told him with a tut.”I just want a little chat with you.” The Sniper of Noble team told him as he grabbed him by the front of the amour

Ow.”

Amorous Counter: 95

and dragged him away from the bodies of the Cerberus and towards the apartments in the area.

Sir, we have a problem.”The female voice said as she brought up her omni-tool to speak to her boss who was sitting in his base as a hologram of the woman appeared in front of him.

The man had cropped black hair with white around the sides, blowing blue eyes, a healthy skin tone and a strong jaw, he was wearing an expensive black suit with a white shirt. He was currently smoking a cigarette before he took a deep breath and tapped the end to make the ashes go into his ash tray.

O hai TIM.

What, no height? I’m impressed!”

“Miranda, I sent you personally sent you because you’re one of Cerberus’s best agents. I do not want to hear about any problems.”The man said coolly to her as he looked at her hologram.

I haven’t failed, sir.” Miranda informed her boss known throughout both the alliance and Cerberus as the illusive man.”We just got our information wrong.

“Information is my forte, Miss Lawson, it’s never wrong.”

Well this time it was.” Miranda shot back to her boss making him narrow her eyes at her.

Wow, this is like every horrible middle-management cliché wrapped into one.

There is no Noble Six here….there is however a Noble Three and from what I’ve heard, he a sniper and a good one at that, he took down the Cerberus agents before they even had a chance to react.” Miranda told her boss who smiled slightly at this bit of information.

“This is excellent news, if there is a second Spartan that hates aliens as much as Spartan-B312 does, then we must try and convince them to join our organization.”

Join?

Yes, join. You know, that thing people who shoot your agents on sight clearly want to do.

“Yes, what did you think I wanted you to collect B312 for?” The illusive man asked his agent who looked slightly uncomfortable as he glared at her.

I assumed that we just wanted his weapons and amour for Cerberus. Sir.

“I would be lying if I said I wasn’t interested in the Spartans amour and weapons but I’m more interested in the Spartan or Spartans themselves, I doubt the amour makes them as skilled as they are, if we can get to join Cerberus then this will be a huge win for humanity.

Ok, I know that fanfic Cerberus is always a few redactions short of a classified document when it comes to their long-term planning capacity, but this is right up there with Stubject 23 as one of their dumbest ideas yet.

Amorous Counter: 99

Sir, I don’t believe Noble Six or This Noble Three will join us, Six seemed a hundred percent military,

Right, because Cerberus clearly has zero support from members the Alliance military.

he will just see us as terrorists.”

“I believe that they will both see things our way, I’ve seen men like them before…trust me.” The Illusive man told her ending all further conversation with her.

I understand sir.

“Good….oh and Miranda?” He asked her as she went to cut the transmission making her look at him. ” Don’t make assumptions again.” He told her coldly making her give a solid nod before she ended the transmission leaving the illusive man alone in the dark room before he reached into suit and pulled out a set of dog tags.

The Illusive trailed his thumb over his old dog tags with a small smile as he looked at his old dog tags. Turning them over to see the name Admiral J Harper of the UNSC.

What.”

He had ordered the crew of the UNSC Cerberus to abandon ship before he flew his ship into a covenant corvette and then nothing, he just remembered being found in an alliance hospital.

What.”

No way.

He had created Cerberus after seeing the humanity of this universe weren’t prepared to make the hard choices that the UNSC or ONI would to ensure humanity’s future from the non-humans of this universe.

Ok, this is a special sort of dumb. Not in the least because it’s adding yet another character whose political views exist solely to normalize and legitimize Noble Stu’s.

Now when he had heard of a Spartan running around, he knew that he had to get him to join Cerberus….once he gained his trust then he could reveal that he to was UNSC

Seems like revealing he’s also from the UNSC would actually be the best way to do that. Kind of a chicken and egg problem, really.

and thus they needed to stick together to prevent the council or the other alien races keeping humanity at the bottom.

The Spartans would join him soon, he had no doubt about that, they had though in the covenant war like he had and had seen the horrors that they had done to humanity and all of her colony’s, it was only a matter of time until the other races would try the same here and he would be ready.

Well if they haven’t done it by now they’re probably not going to. Kind of the whole point of the Covenant was that they attacked us without so much as a how-do-you-do.”

And cut! Well here the next chapter of The Lone Wolf Of The Normandy, I hope you all enjoyed the chapter. So Cerberus are after Noble Six, unaware that there is now a second Spartan around and one of the greatest Snipers around.

The description makes it sound like these are two different people.

So the Illusive man is hiding a history that none of his agent know and has a real reason to be a Xenophobe in this story,

No, he has a shitty reason to be a xenophobe in this story.

will he be able to convince Six, Three and Dot to join him? We’ll have to see.

I… honestly don’t know. On one hand, TIM is shaping up to be quite the moustache-twirler, and a bunch of Cerberus grunts just got massacred by Jun, and Miranda in these ‘fics can do no right.

On the other hand, the story is already going out of its way to set up reasons excuses for TIM to be an asshole and making him part of the UNSC, when in these ‘fics the UNSC can do no wrong.

Blaze Shepard belongs to Blaze1992.

You know, that actually explains a lot.

Well that’s about it for this chapter really, so please keep reviewing guys and I’m glad to know your all enjoying the story so far

I am not enjoying this story so far.

and I can only hope to make it better as I go on :)

Normally I’d make some crack here about it being hard for you to make it worse, but over just the last few chapters we have seen that it is in fact entirely possible for this story to get even worse.

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73 Comments on “1818: The Lone Wolf Of The Normandy — Chapter Seven Part Two”

  1. Jon Arbuckle says:

    “Six… was like a highly advanced Batman,”.

    Not as wrong as you might think.

  2. Jon Arbuckle says:

    “… she took his words a different way when he told her he would break her,”.

    Actually, it was another hilarious and setting appropriate Batman reference.

  3. Jon Arbuckle says:

    “Whatever you’ve done in your past, nobody here will judge you for it,”

    I’m already judging him for what he’s done in the recent past, so no promises.

  4. Jon Arbuckle says:

    “He had created Cerberus after seeing the humanity of this universe weren’t prepared to make the hard choices that the UNSC or ONI would to ensure humanity’s future from the non-humans of this universe.”

    I bet this story was written by one of those people who didn’t do any side missions in Mass Effect 1 then whined about Cerberus “suddenly” being evil in Mass Effect 3.

  5. Jon Arbuckle says:

    “She was expecting every time she turned to speak to him, for to to growl out. ‘I’m Batman!'”

    I think he’s a bit less “I’m Batman,” and a bit more…

  6. BatJamags says:

    Six would be away from the others in a dark corner, most probably brooding like Wrex was as he was like a highly advanced Batman.

    No.

    • BatJamags says:

      She was expecting every time she turned to speak to him, for to to growl out.”I’m Batman!” Before he would disappear into the shadows, something that made her giggle inwardly.

      He’d fucking better not, or I will go all Bane on his ass.

      And, honestly, Logan is really more on the level of Jayden Warney from The Shadow Warriors.

      Ruthless killer? Check. Has a bunch of random toys and shit that make no sense? Check. Pointlessly combative toward the canon characters? Check. Insists on rationalizing actions in a way that makes no sense? Check.

      The only difference I can really think of is that Edgelord is under the impression that he has a sense of humor. He’s wrong, but at least he tries.

      … and then it’s time to head over to the MAKO for a rehash of the get-to-know-you conversation with Garrus! What joy!

      Ah, and here’s the real Space Batman.

  7. BatJamags says:

    “Well when you want to remove your amour, let me know, Okay.” Jane told him,
    staring pensively at the serrated blade of her knife.

    What?

    • BatJamags says:

      “I doubt you could Commander. My amour weighs over a ton.” The Lieutenant told her.

      ” Your joking right?” Jane asked as she looked up at his visor.

      “No Ma’am.”Six said seriously.

      *SNERK*

      • Syl says:

        [snorts] If I had a nickel for every time I heard that one I could retire and give up my wicked ways.

        I wouldn’t, of course, but I could.

  8. BatJamags says:

    Me and you will be having a spar.

    The construction of that sentence makes puppies cry. Do you want to make puppies cry, author?

  9. BatJamags says:

    “No. I’d break you.” Logan told Jane who went a little red as she took his words a different way when he told her he would break her.

    Fuck you, I already used the Knightfall picture and you’re not getting another one.

  10. BatJamags says:

    “Jane thought as she blushed even harder as her face matched her hair. “

    *Sigh*

    I can’t believe this story is making me put up with anoTHER GODDAMN FUCKING BLUSHER COME HERE YOU LITTLE FUCK I’M GONNA USE THE BANE PICTURE AGAIN EXCEPT THIS TIME IMAGINE THAT INSTEAD OF BATMAN IT’S YOU!

  11. BatJamags says:

    “There’s a nice breeze here actually.” Garrus commented from the Mako making Jane turn and level a glare at him for destroying her cover story for blushing.

    There’s a nice breeze.

    On a spaceship.

    OK, Garrus.

  12. BatJamags says:

    “We’ll see, ma’am.” Logan replied after a few moments.

    “You can call me Jane.” Jane told him kindly.

    “Your a superior officer Ma’am. It wouldn’t be right.” Six stated to her.

    Then you should call her sir, because that’s how it works in the military.

  13. BatJamags says:

    “Maybe… Commander.” Six told her making the red haired Spectre smile at him making that strange feeling return in his chest again like it usually did when she smiled but shrugged it off again.

    *Jerks arms around all robot-y-like*

    What-are-these-hu-man-e-mo-tions-you-speak-of? Beep-boop.

  14. BatJamags says:

    nodding before she turned back to her station while Jane went to her quarters to start the evil know as….Paperwork.

    You know what? No. No. Stop. Stop right now. Pause that video! This lame ass-joke doesn’t deserve the Imperial March.

  15. BatJamags says:

    He had dirty blonde hair styled in a flat crew top, a youthful face, tanned skin, a lean swimmer body type, his eyes were heterochromia as one was bright blue while the other was glowing red

    Uh… That’s not heterochromia, that’s Sollux Captor fucking demonic possession.

    Or cybernetics, but I like possession better.

  16. BatJamags says:

    “There’s mum, Hannah Shepard, Me and my younger brother Blaze Shepard.” Jane told him with a smile.

    “… who the fuck names their child Blaze?!”

    Would now be a good time to mention that The Shadow Warriors has a character whose real name is Blaze Zephyr?

  17. BatJamags says:

    “I miss you.” Jane mumbled before she headed into her room for the night.

    Target is in sight.”A male voice came over the comms as a female in a white cat suit watched the Spartan heading down to the lower wards after he had spent most of the day looking around the citadel.

    Holy scene transition (or lack thereof), Batman!

    • AdmiralSakai says:

      I was wondering if this was in fact an artifact of the importation process like the occasional Euro signs and other weirdness in LOAS, so I went back and checked the original ‘fic and the author indeed included line breaks between these scenes.

      • BatJamags says:

        Ah, OK. Still, you’d think it would be worth the five minutes it would take to add them back in.

      • AdmiralSakai says:

        Yeah, but for whatever reason we have never used line breaks here at the Library even if the original ‘fic uses them.

        • GhostCat says:

          I typically take them out unless they’re unusual in some way. It’s probably a sign that your work doesn’t need the line breaks if you can remove them and it doesn’t impact the story in any way.

      • BatJamags says:

        Oh, sorry, I didn’t get what you meant. I thought you meant that when the author rewrote it (this is one of the ones that got rewritten, right?). No point in doing it with the riff. Sorry if I sounded combative.

  18. SuperFeatherYoshi says:

    Where exactly is the story going with this “TIM is actually UNSC” bullshit? Are the Spartans going to join TIM and begin a Great Crusade to purge the galaxy from the vile xenos and blah blah blah Emperor Protects?

    • AdmiralSakai says:

      I honestly have no idea if the story is going for Cerberus being evil or Cerberus being the best thing since sliced bread.

      From what I’ve seen from reading ahead, however, what may happen is that neither comes to pass, and instead the entire Cerberus plotline is simply forgotten about and dropped.

  19. OhNoTheBitchesArchives says:

    who uses British spellings for words

    I guess they adopted ‘amour’ from the French and didn’t credit them for it then?

  20. TheAnnalsOfLonelyBastardsWillBeLostForever says:

    Did Shepard just rip off Spartan’s arm?

    Who broke who now, NoblevilleSoto?

  21. LamourBorgirFromageHonhonhon says:

    bright blue while the other was glowing red

    He’s been drinking too much Paragade

  22. Leider Hosen says:

    I wonder if it has legendary Chair Powers?

    Chair-Sama: So OP not even the cancellation of his Manga could defeat him.

  23. Leider Hosen says:

    Then again it can lift five people, so it’s less a jet pack and more a Harrier fighter jet stuffed up his ass.

    With everything else stuffed up there, that’s entirely probable.

  24. Leider Hosen says:

    GOD FUCKING DAMMIT YOU FUCKING IMBECILIC LITTLE DUDEBRO ASS CLOWN LITTLE FUCKING FUCKING FUCKING FUCKING FUCKING FUCKINGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG GGGGGGGGG GGGG GG G GGG

    Yikes. Good thing I have coupons from the repair store I’m willing to part with, I’m pretty sure Lyle wouldn’t appreciate racking up interest on the Library Credit Card again. You wouldn’t believe how expensive Riff Insurance is.

    • Leider Hosen says:

      “*Troy does a bit of a double-take as AdmiralSakai walks into the control room, pushes aside the rollie-chair in which AdmiralSakai is currently sitting slumped over and comatose, and snags another to sit down in.*”

      *on phone* Nevermind, my assistance was not required.

      • BatJamags says:

        Spawn point exploits are so much cheaper than insurance.

        BatJamags 2: The Sequel: Agreed.

        BatJamags 3: Rise of the Trilogy: True, that.

        GoodJamags: I thought I was your only overly talkative doppelganger…

        Oh, suck it up.

  25. Leider Hosen says:

    “I mean, yeah, a Spartan probably is stronger than the average Alliance Marine, but there’s ways to say that without being a chauvinistic cockhole supreme.”

    Fixed.

    • BatJamags says:

      “Cockhole supreme” sounds like something you’d order at a fast food restaurant. I’ll have the Cockhole Supreme with fries, please.

      Well, there’s a sentence I didn’t think I’d be typing. I should make a list of these for later, ideally out-of-context use.

  26. Leider Hosen says:

    Not only is this baffling, it’s also getting increasingly creepy.

    Yeah, I really don’t get why having no idea what sex is, which is basically impossible with how biology works (baring Asexuals), is endearing in any way. Ignorance to the point of outright stupidity isn’t endearing, it’s aggravating, especially in places like here where it makes no sense.

    Also, this author should be made aware that woman are perverts to, they are just more closeted about it because it’s “weird” when woman talk about sex, but for dudebros it’s more normal, or something. Woman talking about “intercourse” with eachother is nothing unusual whatsoever, you just don’t see it because you’re a jackass male who’s never spent a significant amount of time with a woman who was open to you.

    • GhostCat says:

      And even asexuals know the basics of how sex works, even if they aren’t interested in it. It’s not like inserting Tab A into Slot B is exactly rocket science.

      I think part of why women don’t discuss sexual matters with men, even men they are comfortable around, is less to do with wanting to look like some kind of pervert and more that we don’t want it to be interpreted as if we are hitting on the guy and/or potentially triggering that whole “friend zone” bullshit. We’re kind of conditioned to censor ourselves in that regard; I might want to ask Brian if it’s weird that John wants me to rub his taint with a nailbrush while I’m giving him a blowjob, but I wouldn’t actually bring the subject up because as soon as I say “blowjob” all I’m thinking about is “Crap, I said blowjob! Now Brian’s going to think about me giving John a blowjob. Shit, what if he’s thinking about me giving him a blowjob? Does he think I’m trying to ask him if he wants me to give him a blowjob? He knows we’re just friends, right? That I’m not interested in him like that? Why is Brian looking at me weird? Shit, shit, shit, shit! ABORT CONVERSATION!” And then I dive out of a nearby window and never speak to Brian again. Theoretically.

      (I should mention that I’ve never had a conversation like that and that I’m very socially awkward so even conversations I have that don’t involve blowjobs tend to have a similar internal monologue, so this might just be me.)

      • Leider Hosen says:

        Oh yeah, those are all good points. I’m not sure if I conveyed it properly, but I understand it’s a complex issue and a lot of it comes down to the individual.

        I have a very keen interest in sexuality, since I find it an interesting topic, but in public I’m super modest because I have extremely poor impulse control and have a natural talent for saying the worst possible thing at the worst possible time, so I just avoid the topic entirely in hopes I don’t make an ass of myself… again.

        Really that’s a point in itself; people are complicated and very choosy about how they present themselves and when, and it’s not gender exclusive either. Unfortunately, such mature and empathetic sentiments are completely unknown to Super Edgy Lone Doggo.

        Based on his writing so far, he clearly subscribes to the Dudebro myth woman are delicate, innocent little flowers that are easily physically and emotionally traumatized and something as dramatic and overpowering as SECKS is just 2much2handle.

        • GhostCat says:

          Personally I think the whole “we must preserve your delicate feminine sensibilities!” thing can be both really condescending as well as incredibly naïve. Unless Dudebro is asexual or gay, if he wants to ever have sex with anyone other than himself he’s going to have to discuss sexual matters with a woman at some point.

  27. Leider Hosen says:

    You know, ‘The Young Quarians’ would make for an awesome name for an indie band.

    At this point we should just add a concert hall to the Library. it’d look great next to Ganymede and the Cthulhu Zoo; give it a glass wall to see the leviathans swimming around…. on second thought that’d be a bad idea unless we made them sign Insanity Waivers.

    • GhostCat says:

      Doesn’t anyone ever read the Orientation Packet? The insanity waivers are towards the back.

    • agigabyte says:

      Cain: We’d also need to ramp up reconstruction efforts, so the view of Ganymede is better after the game of strip poker Syl held on its surface last week. We’re still trying to figure out how that escalated into several high-yield explosives being detonated all throughout the place.

      • Syl says:

        Look, things were said and detonated in the heat of the moment that, while technically accurate, should have remained unsaid and unexploded. But what’s a few thermobaric devices between friends?

        • agigabyte says:

          Cain: A significant amount of pointless effort from my nation. Of course, if someone hadn’t lowered the effectiveness of my retcons, I could save my people the effort for no cost beyond needing a nap.

  28. Leider Hosen says:

    Please just be a chestbuster please just be a chestbuster…

    Oh, please! Even Xenomorphs have standards.

  29. Leider Hosen says:

    “Don’t worry ma’am, that amour will be in Cerberus hands by the end of the day, one way or another.”

    Oh, the suspense! However will The Grinch escape this?

    *Everyone Dies*

    I am shock.

  30. Leider Hosen says:

    “Wait, how many guys just got shot in the head by one bullet?”

    Somewhere between mumblety and [REDACTED], I’d wager. Which is still far too many to possibly shoot in the head with one bullet.

    You clearly underestimate the power of Jun, pleb. He quickscoped them n00b Casuls so Sanic fast it only LOOKED like one shot one bullet. Jun OP.

  31. Swenia says:

    “I understand, Six.” Jane told him before she realised she was still holding his arm making her yank it away.

    Quick! Beat him to death with the wet end!

  32. TacoMagic says:

    “There’s mum, Hannah Shepard, Me and my younger brother Blaze Shepard.” Jane told him with a smile.

    Sweet crap, that sounds like a Sonic character.

    Oh… right.

  33. TacoMagic says:

    Wow, this is like every horrible middle-management cliché wrapped into one.

    This plan bears the Albert Wesker seal of maniacal laughing.

  34. TacoMagic says:

    He had created Cerberus after seeing the humanity of this universe weren’t prepared to make the hard choices that the UNSC or ONI would to ensure humanity’s future from the non-humans of this universe.

    *Rubs his forehead*

    So much dumb. There’s just so many reasons why this doesn’t make any fucking sense that I can’t even.

    I think I need to go lie down.


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