1815: Adopted – Chapter Five, Part Two and Chapter SixPosted: July 19, 2017
Hey, patrons! Welcome back to Adopted, this week we finally finish off this turkey! And then hopefully we can get on to doing some wholesome, cleansing one-shots.
“What about the Raptor and I rewrite?”
“But you prom-”
“Last time the raptors hovered around Annie’s insensate body while waiting for the bruised rib to heal enough for her to regain consciousness. Eventually she did wake up and quickly joined Fitz for some exposition of the previous chapter. Other than a few more blobs of Nedry hate, that was pretty much it.”
Onwards to glory!
“You’re in a strange mood today.”
I had two hours of sleep last night and am already on my fourth coffee! I added espresso to this one! Let’s do this!
“Well okay then.”
“Hey, the author changed her name!”
Huh, that she did, and now is sporting a more unisex name and profile picture. I’ll continue on with the feminine pronoun for now, but I’ll acknowledge that Angie/Tony might be transgender and I may very well be using the wrong pronoun. If that’s the case, I apologize in advance. Now that that’s out of the way, ONWARD TO GLORY!
“You already said that.”
I KNOW! Amazing, right!?
*Eliza surreptitiously pulls out her phone and pokes at it a bit*
“Acid shielding is up, anti-spider field is at full power, and I convinced Lina to have a flash sale on her baked goods and macchiatos. We should be safe.”
Just in case, I pulled a few strings with Crunchy to get a bodyguard in here.
“You convinced Crunchy to guard the door?”
*The Riff Chamber door slides open to reveal a bored looking free trader*
Syl: So, what, I just stand here outside the door?
Yes, deter anyone who tries to enter while we’re working.
Syl: This better be worth it.
Crunchy’s already working on the BifocalsxBookie lemon as we speak. Also, you have permission to grope anything that shows up.
Syl: *Snorts* Permission? I’d have done that anyway, love.
*The Riff Chamber door slides closed*
I sneaked alongside Roy because I wanted to make sure he went through with it.
Hoo boy, loading up the Nedry shame squad, I see.
I really thought he’d wait a bit longer before it came to this and I’ll admit I was a bit disappointed, but at least he’d admitted it to me.
You were disappointed that he didn’t procrastinate? Since when has this ever been a thing?
“At least he admitted that he failed to procrastinate. That’s something, at least.”
No it fucking isn’t!
I WON THE BET!
And much to everyone’s surprise, nobody cared.
*Eliza pokes at a small box on the console* “I think the apathy detector fell asleep.”
Also, I know we’ve counted this before, but if the fic is going to rub our faces in a shitty premise, I may as well keep counting it:
Jr. High Raptors: 16
Now we just had to find Nedry…
Which, given that you’re in an enclosed concrete pen surrounded by electric fence, might be rather tricky.
Some guys were complaining about him. We followed them, trying not to make a noise.
*Raises his hand* Um, Ma’am, how did you get out of your enclosure? I should remind you that it looks like this:
“I’m so homesick all of a sudden!”
I knew I’d won the bet the second I went back to check up on them.
“The two guys? How did they know you’d won the bet?”
They moonlight as exposition announcers in their off-time.
My little “niece” was pestering me about where Anna – just plain Anna, Roy says she’s called – was.
As opposed to ‘Anna of the Duchy of the Waves.’
“Anna of the colony of New Tastyburrow.”
And I saw them, curled up together.
“Which of the “them” are we talking about? Anna and the niece, or the two exposition experts?”
Maybe it’s all of them?
Anna was leaning against Roy with her arm over his back and her head on the back of his neck, asleep. And Roy was lying down on his front with his legs tucked underneath him, his head on her lap and his tail around her all protectively. It was so sweet!
That sounds really uncomfortable.
And then I had to ruin the moment by being a show-off over winning the bet.
“Apparently winning a bet is very loud.”
Well, depending on how much you win, I suppose there could be a lot of jumping around and yelling.
“That doesn’t seem likely given the stakes here.”
Maybe she was just being an asshole and waking them out of spite.
But despite the butt-kicking from Roy I’d just about avoided, it was sooo worth it, to be here for this moment.
“Whatever, it’s sooooooo overhyped.”
Jr. High Raptors: 17
Finally we reached the door marked “CONTROL ROOM”
Somehow. Without being noticed by anyone.
“As somebody involved in security, I feel ashamed by proxy that they got this far.”
and found Mr Blobby in there on his own, staring at a glowing box.
Knock if off, Tony, or you’re going to be sporting a very unflattering nickname.
Roy gave me a look which said “I’m dreading this”.
We all are, just not for the same reason.
“Oh! C’mere little orphan period!”
Actually, I think it belongs in that sentence, just before the quotes ending.
“Too late! He’s mine now.”
I shot him a look back which said “You decided on the terms of the bet”. Or “Get on with it”.
Can raptors actually do that with their faces?
*Eliza arches an eye-ridge while clacking her teeth.*
I guess you’re right. Still, doesn’t seem very realistic that they could understand each other that well. What do you think, Cerbs?
They’re both basically the same thing, anyways.
In the way that ring toss and hula hoop are essentially the same.
“They are when we play it.”
I don’t think throwing hula hoops at a Darkwraith is considered the typical form of the game.
“What!? Oh hell no!”
I think Ghostie just discovered who our guard is.
*Eliza swipes at her phone* “I’ve got Lina doing free sampling of all her streusel cake flavors for the next twenty minutes.”
All the streusel cakes? I don’t suppose I could just slip over there and-
“Did you forget you told Syl she could grope anyone who happens by?”
I’d been feeling so weak all day.
Bruises will really take it out of you.
“Remember when you got that paper cut?”
Those were dark days.
It was a pretty big shock when the raptors didn’t eat me but then they were acting like they’d accepted me!
Thank you, there was no possible way we could have extrapolated that information from earlier in the chapter.
*Alarm stays conspicuously silent*
I guess the word’s gotten out already.
I figured out that Alpha Roy was the one with the broken leg and that he couldn’t be a full-blown Alpha until he picked a mate, which apparently he hadn’t yet.
Still not how packs work.
I thought the Beta was his mate and she looked horrified at the idea… oops.
“You know what they say: Familiarity breeds contempt.”
Man, I must be really familiar with this fic, then!
The little raptor keeps hanging round me and I’ve decided to call her Maggie. I don’t know why. I like The Simpsons, I guess.
Oh no you don’t, you leave the references to Igor! Mostly because I hope if Igor makes enough references, there won’t be any left for other authors.
I was waiting for Alpha Roy and Beta Sharifa (he’d tried to talk again to introduce her, and done a better job this time) to get back from whatever they were doing.
“Is she going to preface their names with their status every time she used them, now?”
Probably. Luckily there isn’t enough fic left for it to get as annoying as it has the potential to get.
Beta Sharifa had managed to make a noise that sounded like “bet”, so I guess even raptors gamble.
“Not only do we gamble, but we also shark!”
And Crunchy flat out cheats. Never play pool for money against somebody who can move things with the Force.
When they got back, Alpha Roy looked like he’d been scarred for life and Beta Sharifa was having a laughing fit.
“Yup, she’s doing it for the rest of the fic.”
Also, if you have to show the readers your characters reacting to something as if it’s funny to indicate the humor, then it isn’t actually funny. Though, I suppose that’s why a lot of sitcoms use laughing tracks.
I like calling them Alpha Roy and Beta Sharifa.
We don’t. It’s obnoxious.
It makes me feel like I belong here.
“For somebody who disdains authority as much as Anna does, adding titles to the raptors names would definitely make her feel more comfortable!”
Henry Wu’s POV
Poor Henry. I wonder if this characterization will be as he was in the first movie, or the more modern “Villain Henry” from Jurassic World.
“This fic was written before Jurassic World.”
Hey, you’re right. There’s hope for him yet!
I’d been doing a late shift that night because I hadn’t been sleeping lately.
As somebody who’s had insomnia since I was eight, I can relate.
Ever since Anna got shot and we just left her there, all I can think about is what a bastard I feel like for leaving her there with the raptors.
Wait, Wu was out there with Muldoon? When did that happen!?
“I’m surprised they convinced him to leave the lab. I only ever saw him as a chick; he didn’t go outside much.”
I’ve barely been able to eat.
“Really? I usually can’t stop eating after a fresh kill.”
I think it’s a little different when you’re a human geneticist.
“He likes to stuff the body under a rock to age?”
I was passing the Control Room on my way back when I stopped to look inside.
Uh-oh, things are about to get all sitcom!
“I’ll cue up the laugh track!”
Funny how I mentioned that earlier and it became a thing.
“Yeah, how unexpected!”
Nedry was staring blankly, straight ahead and didn’t seem to notice me come in.
Nedry is a programmer, not a zombie. He wouldn’t stare blankly at a computer! He would stare blankly while typing furiously.
It was as though something had spooked him. And I mean really spooked him.
And I mean really, really spooked him.
“And I mean _really_, *really*, really, really, really spooked him.”
But what really caught my attention was something in the raptor pen.
If it’s Anna, and he doesn’t report it, Imma gon’ gong this fic in its stupid fic face.
I stared at the surveillance footage long and hard.
Syl: Bow chicka bow wow!
Shouldn’t you be groping somebody!?
Syl: Are you volunteering?
Eliza has the glitter cannon in here!
Something didn’t seem right. The raptor with the broken leg was curled up, as though it was curled around someone.
“That’s a rather specific thing to notice.”
Especially given how unremarkable a thing it is to notice.
“Wu must have plot sense!”
But when I looked closer, I could tell it was Anna. And she was alive.
“Now all he has to do is keep this information to himself!”
Imagine my delight.
“At least you’ll get some exercise.”
Syl: She’s just standing at the end of the hall. Glowering.
Is she doing anything else?
Syl: No, but it’s a pretty angry looking glower. I could leer back at her if you want.
I wouldn’t dare tell you how to do your job.
“Yeah, that’s how he got shanked last time.”
Syl: He was such a baby about it too. You’ve got two kidneys for a reason. Well, had.
My head hurt so badly the next morning, and my body felt stiff.
I’m officially confused at the timeline here. How many days has it been since she woke up? Is this after her first night sleeping on top of Fitz, or is it the second night? When the hell are we!?
At least I knew I was awake this time. And I managed to remember where I was.
“In a badfic covered in your own excrement?”
At least I know what hell has in store for me.
Alpha Roy had taken it upon himself – I think – to protect me, and he was curled up around me. I woke up because he was nudging me, trying to wake me up.
Do raptor necks even do that?
“You’ve seen owls, right?”
Beta Sharifa was just waking up, because Maggie was pestering her. Maybe Maggie was told by Alpha Roy to wake Beta Sharifa up.
Can’t fault Fitz’s method here. Children are amazingly effective at waking people up.
“Most of the time you don’t even need to ask them and they’ll do it!”
The Alpha and the Beta were swapping glances like they really badly had to talk about something, but they didn’t wanna wake anyone else up.
“They’re trying to decide which one gets to tell Anna about the odor.”
I wanted to ask them what because I’d been teaching some of the raptors human words and they’d picked it up fast, but I didn’t think they knew all the word.
And taking the opportunity to teach them the word would just be silly. Gods forbid you be able to ask them questions when you have them.
Finally Alpha Roy nodded and they started gathering up a crowd, waking up the other raptors. Who looked less than amused, by the way.
“The queen is a raptor!?”
Depends on who you ask. The lizard people conspiracy theorists would tell you that she is.
I’m so glad those eight sentences were in Anna’s point of view. There was no way to consolidate all that information into just Fitz’s point of view. Especially given that we’re probably about to get the same information from him. Yup, definitely a necessary scene.
*The wreck of the sarcasm detector spurts and fizzes*
“You leave that poor thing alone!”
I woke up Anna and finally me and Sharifa came to the decision to just bloody get on with it.
If only they’d take that gung-ho spirit to their author.
No putting it off any more.
“Are they talking about the plot?”
It’s a little late in the fic to start worrying about the plot now.
Anna may not be a raptor but the kid – Maggie, apparently – stuck to her like her own child and I liked her. I couldn’t deny it. I’d lost the bet.
Where the fuck in the timeline are we!?
“I have something to announce,” I said hesitantly. I really didn’t wanna do this. “I have… chosen a mate.”
“With all the subtle build-up, I can’t help but wonder who it could possibly be!”
*The wreck of the sarcasm detector sparks*
“Oh no I’m so sorry!”
We should send him off to live on a farm where he’ll be happier.
A lot of teasing noises and a wolf-whistle, then everyone stared at Anna.
The hell would they have learned that? And why don’t they know what a can is, but what a wolf-whistle is!? For crap’s sake, Tony, can you at least try to be consistent!?
Bloody hell. Seriously, bloody hell.
I’m also trying to figure out how raptors who were raised primarily by American scientists and Costa Rican handlers managed to end up with British slang.
“Muldoon used to spend hours standing on the walkway outside our pen and just swear drunkenly to himself.”
Oh. So why don’t you use British slang?
“I know a bad influence when I see one.”
You do not! Your best friend is Swenia.
“Fine, I spent most of my time in the lab with Doctor Wu watching I Dream of Jeannie reruns.”
What was the point of that?
“They were trying to breed a Raptor who wouldn’t immediately eat everyone upon escaping. And it sorta worked!”
At least that explains the glitter fascination.
“Yeah, yeah, I know,” I groaned. “You guys are right. Shut up. So I’m the Alpha for real now. Got it?”
STILL not how packs work.
“In the land of juvenile raptors, Fitz is king.”
Can’t argue with that.
I know Anna had no way of knowing what I’d just said but I didn’t know the human words to tell her.
And yet this didn’t prevent you from knowing your name, that the exposition twins were talking about Nedry, or what wolf-whistling is. But no, this particular piece of linguistics escapes him just at the right moment for it to build cheap romantic tension.
“You okay over there?”
I’m fine, it just irritates me when authors pussy-foot around information that they’ve been blasting through a megaphone up until that moment.
She’ll figure it out in the end, I’m sure.
“Probably when all the raptors she’s been teaching to speak English tell her.”
Or, given the European aristocratic parallel going on here, she’ll figure it out when the raptors demand to witness consummation.
“I think I’m starting to feel woozy”
Here, take this temporal sickness bag. Just close your eyes and pretend that authors aren’t clueless enough to use point of view shifts like this.
I looked up at Alpha when he was telling us the human was going to be his mate.
All this buildup, and the actual event is provided via exposition. I didn’t expect anything from this fic, and still managed to be disappointed.
Then when he stopped I asked him, “Does this mean you’re my daddy now?”
Ew, dude- Wait, your bag’s empty.
“Don’t you have one already?” he asked
“You mean Doctor Wu? He’s nice, but not really father material.”
I shook my head no. I was born in the big concrete nest with no parents, I told him.
As all the adult raptors would have at this point. In fact, in the movie the raptors never got a chance to procreate since they were all strictly monitored in a very secure enclosure. See above.
So he said yes, he’d be my daddy if I didn’t mind. Then he asked if Anna was my mommy and I told him no but I like her like a mommy.
“We finish with a fic that’s almost all dialogue, and now we’re in a scene that’s almost all exposition. Yay juxtaposition!”
There was a funny human in the concrete nest but he wasn’t like a daddy, I said.
And then a big moving thing drove in and the same funny human stepped out.
“Doctor Wu to the rescue!”
Hey, he might actually be doing something positive about knowing Ann is alive! That’s just about worth a redemption cookie by itself. Except I know it’s just going to be used as a way to separate the romantic pairing for more cheap tension.
I couldn’t believe it. Henry Wu – who, I told you, I have a crush on – turned up to come get me!
I won’t lie, Henry Wu is pretty hot.
“Another benefit of not thinking he’s my father.”
“Anna! You’re alive!” he said, rushing over to me – and a bunch of raptors ganged up on him.
“Tearing him to shreds and feasting until all were sated. The end.”
But you said he was cute!
“A meal can be cute.”
They stopped when I told them to. Huh. Weird. Alpha Roy was growling in a way that made me think he was saying “Only just, thanks to you”.
*Taco farts in such a way as to convey: ‘Tony, you need to stop with this bullshit.’*
“You left me out here,” I accused, going along with Alpha Roy’s line of thinking.
“At least she has the presence of mind to remember who tried to kill her.”
Yet doesn’t have the presence of mind to be terrified of being surrounded by raptors.
“I didn’t want to,” Wu said. “I promise you it wasn’t my idea. And then I wanted to come back but I thought you would’ve been eaten by now.”
And he didn’t tell his superiors because that would resulted in a rescue mission which might have prevented the plot.
“Or he was worried that the resulting four-week party would negatively impact his research schedule.”
I put my hand on the Alpha’s arm. “Alpha Roy didn’t let them.”
“Good thing she reminded Doctor Wu that there’s an emergency situation with the raptors changing sex.”
Hopefully he’ll be able to radio for an extermination team from the Jeep.
“Listen to you!” Henry exclaimed. “You’re talking like you’re a raptor, too!
Good read, Henry! That was an entirely natural way to reference the intended plot that did not at all sound like a forced line of dialogue! And that was absolutely a logical conclusion for you to make given what she said.
*The sarcasm detector re-explodes*
Sorry! I didn’t know it could do that!
Anna, please, you have to come back – you need a doctor to make sure you’re alright.”
“Also, a shower.”
More than one, in fact.
Ah. That was true. I did need checking up on.
And for the love of the gods, don’t forget the showers!
I started to go with Henry, but Alpha Roy stood in between us and said something to me in raptor.
Also known as growling and chirping.
“Growl growl chirp, growl. Chirp, chirp growl, chirp.”
Dude, it doesn’t count if you just say ‘growl’ and ‘chirp.’ Shouldn’t you know how to speak your own language?
“Of course, but it’s more fun to mess with you.”
I didn’t get it. Then he said a human word I’d taught him. “Stay.”
Because that’s something you can just decide to do in Jurassic Park. Want to go native and live with our dinosaurs in the preserve? Sure, go for it!
I shook my head. “I can’t Henry’s right, I need a doctor. I have to go.”
“And the showers!”
In fact, shower first, medical aid later!
I can tell you now, I’ve never felt so guilty in my life. Alpha Roy gave me this horribly sad face like I’d just said to him the most horrible thing ever.
“Like oh my gawd it was like sooo tragic and junk.”
You’re surprisingly good at that.
Anyway, even though it’s Ann, I’m still counting it.
Jr. High Raptors: 18
But I had to go, and he knew it too.
So he let me.
You’re going to get that bruise treated. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but soon, and please shower first.
And that’s the end of the chapter! But, fear not, we have one more to go, and it’s tiny, so we might as well, right?
It starts with the same procession of crap that the other chapters start with, so we’ll just skip over and get to the main event.
Chapter Six: Back to the Island
I unno, maybe we skipped a chapter? Check and see if the web page is sticky, it might have another page stuck to it.
Syl: She’s still just standing there, glaring.
“You might want to check on that.”
Syl: And why might that be, Glitters?
“Ghostie had me make about thirty cardboard cutouts of her about a week ago.”
“She said it was for a good cause!”
Syl:*stomps up to the cutout and knocks it over* Waste of some good leering!
It’s been about a week since Anna McNeil left and the pack seriously misses her – especially Maggie.
The way she laid unconscious for several days, and then spent a day draped all over Fitz.
“Good times the like of which we’re unlikely to see again.”
If we’re lucky, anyway.
They didn’t have much bonding time but Maggie really latched onto Anna, much as a daughter would latch on to her mother.
Why do authors insist on pointing out when they aren’t making any sense? It’s like they think announcing their stupidity somehow makes it more acceptable.
I’ve been looking after her but I’m not convinced she wants to know… she keeps asking me where Anna is; when she’s gonna be back.
“Wants to know what?”
Ann died of shower complications. Too much soap.
Roy isn’t too amused, either.
He keeps sulking. Everyone else thinks he’s missing Anna too but I talked to him about it. The last thing he said to his father was a promise to keep her safe. And like he said, it’s hard to do that when she’s not here.
“Even on the best days, having her bumbling around on the island seems less safe than letting her go back to the main land.”
Look, the fic doesn’t have to make sense, it just has to end, and we’re almost there.
“Hurray! Last point of view tag!”
Finally something to celebrate.
“You’re fine,” the doctor had said. “You just need a good shower,
Listen to the man!
some food, water and rest. Don’t worry about it. Take a holiday. Costa Rica’s a good place for that. You can go to a beach and spend all day there with no-one in sight, if you know where to go.”
“Places where they’ll never find the body. Not until it’s nice and ripe.”
You terrify me in ways that Crunchy can’t manage.
I sighed but agreed and Muldoon said, “No problem.” Then when we got outside he added, “You’re not to return to work until you’re all better. You’re staying with the family of a worker so we’ll know if you try sneaking off.”
“Never find the body.”
So you said.
Who does that jerk think he is, my dad or sommat? Geez. What a Denis Nedry.
All right, Tony, you wouldn’t give it up and now it’s come to this. So, what nickname should we use for you now?
I like it! Insulting, marginalizing, and perfectly emphasizes the small-man syndrome she seems to have.
“I’ll get your bags sent over when they bring the chopper to pick me up,” Mull told me. I gave him a hand sign behind his back which I doubt even Beta Sharifa would have approved of. If she knew what it meant, anyway.
For fuck’s sake, Tiny, you don’t need to be all coy with flipping somebody the bird or the two-finger salute! Watch! Markus, Syl wants to talk to you!
*Marcus leans out of a door far down the corridor and flips Taco off*
He showed me to a small house where one of the workers lived. They didn’t have much, but I’ve never been to a Costa Rican house before so I have no idea whether Mull was being cheap or not. I didn’t know the worker’s name but his mother, father and little siblings all lived there with him and there wasn’t much room.
She was injured as part of a highly important secret project being funded by a multi-billion dollar company. Costa Rico is a poorer country, sure, but they still have modern cities. There are plenty of better places for her to stay while recovering from a gunshot! Certainly places a lot more secure than with the family of one of the random workers if you want to keep her under your thumb.
My bed was made up on the sofa but I didn’t mind. It was nice. I could turn the blankets into something like a nest and play forts with his eight-year-old sister and two-year-old brother. They were really sweet to me.
“Hello random family who will be in one scene and never mentioned again!”
Still, I couldn’t help missing Alpha Roy and Beta Sharifa. They were so cool.
Jr. High Raptors: 19
I like how there’s supposed to be a deep emotional connection here, but the best that she can come up with is that they’re cool.
I know I said and thought all those bad things at first but they’ve changed by mind about raptors.
“You know, I totally could have stolen the showing and telling counter.”
I’m really feeling it was a missed opportunity now.
Then, about a week after they took me away from the raptors and sent me on “holiday”, I decided to go down to one of the beaches.
“She’s in Costa Rica and it takes her a week to hit the beach?”
It takes a while to heal up from a nasty bruise like that. She didn’t want to exert herself, she might have deepened the purple color.
I told the worker’s mother I was going out and got a local from town to drop me off on a beach. Looking up and down, it curved round beautifully, a field of white-gold sand and glistening waves on the water.
Suddenly (and likely from behind), setting!
The beach was completely empty and the waves crashed like they had done that time my family had visited Devon and Cornwall.
You know, that one time. She talks about it constantly so you should be very familiar with the anecdote by now.
“Don’t tempt Tiny! She just might go into a flashback.”
Large but not tidal; just right for surfing.
Wait, is there surfing in Cornwall?
*Eliza pokes at her phone* “Quite a bit of surfing if the internet is to be believed.”
Huh, well, I learned something new.
Anyway, at this point, Ann goes for a swim; it’s not a great scene, but not nearly as poorly written as the rest of the mess. This is honestly the closest to competant writing Tiny gets in the fic, so we’ll just skip it.
Honestly, the difference in writing competency in the swimming scene compared to the first five chapters is pretty large. Looking back at her updates, there was almost a two-year gap between her postings, so the amount of improvement she underwent during that time is pretty evident.
“Unfortunately she still has enough bad habbits to make this chapter bad in its own ways.”
Not to mention she hadn’t smartened up enough to realize that the premise itself should have been abandoned long before this point.
After her swim, she climbs into the sun to dry off and stares out at distant Isla Nublar.
I could see the island from here, I suddenly realised. Far off in the distance, a beautiful, inviting blue mountain, and I was hit by another wave, one formed of complete madness;
“She was hit by a wave of fanfiction!?”
No, no, that’s a wave of stupid. A wave of madness is one made up of EclipsePhoenix forum posts.
“I thought that was the wave of delusion.”
Close enough, keep going!
a wave that washed over my mind with a sudden urge to swim over there and meet the Pack again.
“Are we sure this wasn’t the wave of stupid?”
I’m less and less sure now.
Fully clothed, I stepped carefully down the drop-off and started walking into the waves.
About waist-deep a wave pushed me backwards. When I was chest-deep a wave came at me. I turned my body sideways and it hit me in the breast. Not the most pleasant feeling.
“She keeps one of her breasts on her side? I thought you monkeys kept those on the front.”
Maybe the doctor moved it there to help the bruise heal.
I was shoulder-deep when it started getting tough.
“The weather started getting rou-”
The first really big wave began to peak and I found myself being dragged towards it. As it started to peak it was taller than Alpha Roy. Obviously I can’t breathe underwater so I threw my head back.
“I think she forgot to do the swimming part of her plan.”
A tiny oversight, really. It’s only one of the four words of her ‘swim to the island’ plan.
I was swept backwards and got a stream of salty water straight up my nose. I nearly choked and I had been pushed closer to the beach, like it didn’t want me to leave, but every time I failed it made me feel more frantic.
It’s pretty bad when the ocean knows what’s best for you better than you do.
“It seems like the ocean is doing equal parts trying to keep her away from the island, and drown her.”
See, knows her better than she knows herself.
I guess you’re wondering at what point I realised this was all crazy?
Please tell me it was after you drowned.
That I shouldn’t be doing this, because it was so painfully stupid?
Hey! Calling you stupid is our job!
Well, here’s the thing…
I think it was supposed to be a turn of phrase.
I didn’t. I actually made it into open sea, not just beach, and I kept going. And going, and going, and going. Like I said: stupid, right?
Painfully so. Not even considering how bullshit it is, swimming out into the open ocean is suicide even on the best day.
“Did she ever remember to swim?”
We may never know.
It was a long swim and me really just being a little kid, I was starting to ache, and I was getting hungry.
“Oh, she did remember!”
See, the plan worked! At least, the first three words, so far.
And there were probably sharks out there too, but I vaguely remembered something about punching sharks on the nose if they attacked you.
Shame that it turns out not to really help you against a shark. But, it’s a common myth, so I’ll let it slide.
I guess sometimes those late-night documentaries come in useful.
Except that you wouldn’t have gotten that information from a documentary. At least, not from a documentary concerned with facts.
It was that single-minded stupidity, the kind where you get an idea and you can’t not go for it, which pushed me all the way out to the island. It was dark and I was tired and hungry when I arrived. When my feet hit the sandy ground of one of the island’s beaches, I stumbled. I’d been swimming all day and I wasn’t used to this; as soon as I had a solid footing again I fell on my face in the water with the hugest splash you’d ever seen or heard. Another mouth and nose full of saltwater. Lovely.
“So, how far of a swim was that, anyway?”
“What a shame, that was only twenty miles short of the world record.”
Yeah, and here I thought Ann was a Sue.
I dragged myself up the beach and found a huge, warm, flat rock, which I stretched out on. I fell asleep pretty quickly.
“And was quickly eaten by dinosaurs, who lived happily ever after. The End!”
I still don’t know why Carlos lets you get away with that.
“He knows who his friends are.”
If anybody came to look for me while I was out cold, I didn’t notice.
Yes, Tiny, that is indeed how being unconscious works. Good job.
I was too asleep to notice much of anything until I woke up the next morning, and that was only because a huge storm was hitting and one of the waves nearly drowned me and tried to drag me off the rock.
“She sleeps really deep!”
Once again, I can relate. It’s a weird side-effect of insomnia. It takes me several hours to fall asleep most nights, but once I finally managed to get to sleep I’m very hard to wake up. I’ve slept through all kinds of things. Earthquakes, alarms, fire drills, ambulances, children screaming, a car crash, lots of things.
I managed to get myself off the beach while still choking on salt water, somehow, and stumbled into the underbrush edging a forest.
“And she was quickly eaten-”
There’s one more sentence, can’t it wait?
Stumbled literally, I mean. I tripped over what looked like a tunnel entrance.
“Is that the tree cave!?”
Wait, what about her getting eat-
Right. Anyway, with that, the fic ends! And given how long it’s been since we’ve seen an update, it’s highly unlikely that we’ll see anymore of it.
Next week I’ll be back with the start of a string of one-shots. Meanwhile Eliza will be back to work, presumably not making any more cardboard cutouts of Ghostie.
“I do that one time and never hear the end of it!”
Anyway, this has been Adopted, and I’ll see you patrons next week!
“So, should we go find a farm for the sarcasm detector?”
Oh, um, about that…
“What about it?
All right, let’s go look at farms.