1814: The Lone Wolf Of The Normandy — Chapter Seven Part One

Hello hello all you patrons, and welcome back to the heaping helping of horrible that is The Lone Wolf of the Normandy.

Last time… umm, well, Therum happened, pretty much. Shepard’s ground team (plus Six) drove around and shot at a bunch of geth before rescuing Liara and dusting off. Aside from Six being a sexist prick to basically everyone and stealing their kills with his stupid lightning-firing omniblades, basically everything occurred as canon. We know this because we got a line-by-line narration of every driving segment and geth turret. Oh, and Six knows about the Reapers now because Dot ‘hacked a Prothean mainframe’ that was just conveniently sitting around undiscovered on Therum for the taking.

Oh yeah, and also Jun the other Spartan showed up in Shepard’s universe and managed to acclimate without seriously injuring anyone who was just trying to do their job. Last we saw he’d been given a cover identity and was sitting around on the Citadel waiting for something to happen.”

Amorous Counter: 67

Show and Tell Counter: 25

Collateral Douchebag Counter: 12

Chapter Seven is called “The SSV Normandy Part 2”, which still strikes me as a bit odd given that “The SSV Normandy Part 1” was three chapters back but whatever. Strap yourselves in, because it’s a long one this time.

Walking out of the elevator once it reached the top level of the Normandy, Noble Six walked around the corner to see a handful of the Normandy’s personnel were in the cafeteria eating MRE’s.

Pretty sure those are strictly for field operations, as Mess Sargent Gardner presumably has at least the basic ability to mix foodstuffs together, heat them up, and put them on a plate.

A few of the Alliance soldiers turned their heads to see the Spartan-III staring at them with them either turning pale at the sight of him or scowled at him.

“What are you doing here freak?” An Alliance soldier sneered at the lieutenant who wasn’t really bothered by him and tuned away to head towards the debriefing room to as you’d expect to be debriefed on the mission.

Show and Tell Counter: 26

“Hey! I’m talking to you freak!” The soldier sneered at the Spartan-III as he climbed to his feet along with a few others before approaching the lone wolf of Noble team who remained in his spot and watched as they came over to him.

“You attacked and nearly killed Maxwell, shot alliance soldiers, attacked the captain, shut the Normandy and you think you can walk around our ship like you one of us?” The soldier asked the Spartan with a scowl.

“I don’t think so, freak! Your going to learn what happens when attack the alliance.”He said with a sneer as he cracked his knuckles.

You know, it’s a bad, bad sign when the Straw Bigot Brigade are the most sensible characters in the story.

“Return to your seats.” Six told them blankly getting most of them to scowl at him for ordering them around after all he had done before one of them charged at the Spartan-III only to receive a hard boot to the chest that sent him across the room.

Are these guys wearing their body armor in the mess hall?

Because if not, that’s probably another man either dead or seriously injured at the hands of our ‘hero’.”

Collateral Douchebag Counter: 13

Seeing how easily their fellow soldier was taken down, a few of them moved away from the giant human, the one that been doing the talking however only gained new resolve and charged at him.

Six waited until he got close enough before punched him in the stomach making him cough out a mouthful of spit before he was grabbed around the throat by the lieutenant, lifted into the air then began to be choked slowly making the alliance soldier claw and scratch at his hands to make him loosen his grip but to no avail.

Collateral Douchebag Counter: 14

You know, it’s also worth noting that so far out of the fifteen or so ‘soldiers’ we’ve seen in these incidents (did the original Normandy have a platoon of ground troops attached to it? We certainly never see such a thing in the game…), not a one has been female.

Take from that whatever you will.

“Put him down, lieutenant…now!” Jane ordered as she walked around the corner after exiting the lift to see the Spartan choking one of her soldiers, which of course made her see the worst

Sadly, I doubt that this little incident will be the worst.”

and aimed her pistol at him when he didn’t answer her.

Six tightened his hold around the soldiers neck making his face turn slightly blue from the lack of oxygen

Dabba dee dabba dy?

No.

as well making him feel like his neck was going to snap.

“Spartan-B312, I am giving you a direct order!” Shepard shouted at him as she prepared to fire at the Spartan super soldier but to her relief he dropped the private to the ground who gasped for air.

“Commander!…h-he just attacked me and the others, he’s crazy! You should of realized that when he attacked the captain.” The private weezed out as he climbed to his feet making Jane look at Six who remained silent.

I also love how this is the second time Spartan has shown he doesn’t care about people calling him a freak by flipping out and beating up the people who called him a freak.”

“Is this true?” Jane asked him making him raise his arm before his omni-tool appeared with Dot

Whose account would totally not be unreliable in any way…

sending a recording from Logan’s amour

Amorous Counter: 68

making Jane open up the file and watched the recording with her seeing who started the fight

Namely, Six.

and Six even telling them to sit down.

Sorry, I must have missed that part in the Academy where they explained how the best way to de-escalate a situation was to order people you have no authority over to shut up and sit down.”

“I see….Private Alan, you and the others that attacked Lieutenant Mendez, I want to see you on the bridge in one hour.”The commander ordered before looking at the knocked out soldier on the floor.”Get him to Chakwas,” She ordered them getting salutes from them but not before sending Six a look that said it was far from over.

“I’m sorry about that Six.” Jane apologised to the Spartan who remained silent, slightly annoyed that she assumed that he started the fight but he guessed it was to be expected.

You know, the author clearly wants us to think we are reading a character arc where “Logan” starts out as a violent disaffected loner, but then over time his interaction with Shepard’s crew humanizies him and allows him to become a useful and even likable member of this larger military unit. Maybe it’s just genre savvy on my part or maybe it’s the story’s weird tendency to show us something and then tell us what it showed us, but I can sort of see impressions of that all throughout the ‘fic, like the dimension lines over a blueprint.

That character arc, however, is not what’s actually in the ‘fic. Rather, this is the story of how, even though Logan remains a massive douchebag and changes only in the most superficial ways (now he smiles and tells bad jokes!), the people who were originally his critics slowly forget the perfectly valid reasons why his behavior was and still is unacceptable and eventually through enough overwroght displays of ‘badassery’ (many of which were in response to situations that the canon characters were perfectly capable of handling on their own) he wears them down into groveling at his boots. This is not Logan getting better as a character, it’s the behavior of everyone else being warped to tolerate his outbusts. It’s the literary version of giving transplant patients anti-rejection drugs- that new kidney never really stops being foreign, we just use brute-force chemistry to knock out any ability for the patient to do anything about it.

Only in this case it’s not a kidney but a surgically implanted fedora.

Jane saw that he wasn’t going to speak and concluded that he was probably pissed at her for taking the others side instead of his. “Look, Mendez…I just saw the worst, I mean I came round the corner and saw you with Private Alan in the air….”

Ohhh, how dare she care about the lives of her men!”

“I should report to the debriefing room, commander.” Six replied blankly to her making her sigh before nodding at him with the Spartan-III turning and leaving up the stairs with Jane watching him leave silently.

I’d make some crack about who’s really wearing the pants on this ship, but in light of previous… err… incidents that’s kind of hitting a little close to home.”

Good one, Jane.” The spectre thought to herself with a sigh before she headed to her room to get out of her amour and have a quick wash before heading to the debriefing room.

Amorous Counter: 69

Heh heh. 69.

“Shut up.”

You okay, Logan?” Dot asked her partner as he walked towards the debriefing room.

“Fine.” Six replied to her as he pressed the button on the wall to open the door.”Why wouldn’t I be?”

Well because of that..that..Asshole of a soldier!

Dot fumed as she crossed her arms over chest with a frown before her lips turned into a small smile and started giggling to herself making the Spartan-III raise an eyebrow at her.

“Dot?”

I swore, it was my first time.“She told him as she continued to giggle making the lieutenant smile slightly, who would of thought that a simple word would send a smart A.I into a fit of giggles?

Not me, certainly.

“This is all new to you too, huh?” The Spartan-III commented to her making her reign in her giggles before calming down before looking at him with her avatar appearing on his visor.

Yeah, everything’s so different to me now, I’m learning all the time and still trying to get used to having all theses new emotions….it’s strange from being emotionless to gaining them instantly.“Dot told him.

Then why did it take her so long to realize this fact, instead of when she first got them back in Chapter One?

“What’s it like?” Six asked making her raise an eyebrow at what he meant.”Being a dumb A.I.

Well for one, do you know how degrading it is to be called a dumb A.I? Because let me tell you, Mr Lone Wolf, it’s not very nice to be considered dumb.” Dot informed her partner.”Though back to your original question….

“At first I was content at the job I was assigned to, helping out Noble team with basic information when they were on their missions, but now that I know what emotions are….its so horrible and so empty.”

…….

CRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWLING INNNNNNNNNN MY CIRCUIIIIIIIIITS…

I knew nothing of happiness or how to laugh or how to feel anything. I could never go back to how I was, Though without militant then I would of probably of deactivated myself to ensure that the Covenant couldn’t get any basic information of me.” Dot informed her partner.

Six couldn’t even imagine what it was like not to have emotions, sure he didn’t really understand things like love but he still had emotions, despite only ever using the negative ones like anger and rage

You know, that actually explains a lot.”

but not to have emotions at all would be nothing short of hell.

Finally reaching the debriefing room, Noble Six saw a soldier standing outside of the room who saw the Spartan and saluted him, either out of fear or because he was a higher rank then him, Six wasn’t sure.

Well, that’s always a good sign on a military ship.”

Six just walked passed him and into the room which housed around ten or so padded silver chairs and a panel at the end of the room along with a screen that Six guessed was for transmissions between ships.

You going to stand there all day or sit down?” Dot asked her partner once she saw he was still standing.

“Doubt they’ll hold me.” He commented to her as not many things to hold the weight of a fully armoured Spartan in Mjolnir power amour.

I find it rather hard to believe that the chairs on an active-duty warship wouldn’t be able to hold a few hundred kilograms.

Amorous Counter: 70

I know that Six. These chairs can hold a Krogan from what I’ve read on the Extranet as most ships use the same metals in this universe.” Dot told him.

Six nodded and sat in the chair on the left side of the room slowly and cautiously at that with the chair making a light groaning sound but otherwise was fine.

Well that bit sure added a whole lot.”

No one will be admitted during the heart-pounding chair test scene!

Logan got as comfortable as he could as he waited for the others to arrive.

Jane after the little incident with Noble Six and Private Alan, headed to her quarters and decided to have a quick shower to get all the dirt and grime off of her and to freshen up before she would head into the debriefing room.

Didn’t we already hear about this?

Show and Tell Counter: 27

Changing into a new pair of bra and panties, Jane did a little pose in the mirror before she rested her hands on her hips and gave herself a firm nod.

Uhhhh……..”

I now have a well-developed hypothesis about exactly why the narration feels the need to specify that the Commander is taking so many showers.

She wasn’t vain by any means but she knew that she was considered beautiful by many, both males and females of the galactic community.

Chief among them, apparently, the author.

She had used her beauty and kind smile to earn her and her friends free drinks when she was in her late teens, she would of probably still been parting to this day if not for her mother having enough and stopped her from being nothing but one of those girls that partied every night of the year.

That’s… actually incredibly disturbing for any number of multilayered reasons.

Wasn’t she raised on a military base?”

She gained her looks of her mother who despite being in her late forty’s was still considered beautiful by most.

Her mother has no other defining qualities, of course, but God damn was she beautiful!

Knowing this wasn’t the time to be posing the mirror, so with that in mind she put on another Alliance uniform before leaving her room and headed to the debriefing room to debrief the others.

This might be even more pointless than the chair scene.

Once she arrived, she saw everybody there talking with each other except for Wrex who had his arms crossed and was brooding like he usually did, and Mendez was sitting in his chair with his arms resting on his legs and looking down to the floor not paying attention to anybody in the room.

So, brooding like he usually does.”

Ashley and Kaidan were talking to each other about something, while Garrus, Tali and Liara were talking in their own little group, they were the only non-humans on board so it was easier for the three to relate to each other.

… Racist.

Walking up to stand in front of the panels to look at her crew, Jane went to speak only to be interrupted by Jokers voice through the comms.

Too close, Commander. Ten more seconds and we would’ve been swimming in molten sulphur.

The Normandy isn’t equipped to land in exploding volcanoes. They tend to fry our sensors and melt our hull. Just for future reference.” Joker sarcastically commented through the comms

Show and Tell Counter: 28

making Six smirk slightly, thank god he and Jun would never meet.

My. What a grasp of irony this story has.”

Indeed. A regular Dave Strider, this one.

“We almost died out there and your pilot is making Jokes?” Liara asked in disbelief.

“Joker pulled our asses out of there. I think he’s earned the right to a few bad jokes.” Jane defended the helmsmen of the Normandy.

Show and Tell Counter: 29

What the hell! He didn’t do crap! That was all you, Logan.” Dot fummed inside the Spartan-III’s helmet.

This is in fact true. All Logan does is, indeed, crap.

I’d like to have seen Spartan’s dinky little jet pack get them all the way into orbit.”

Once again, the main character can only make himself look awesome by taking credit away from other characters for things they were perfectly capable of doing on their own.

“Dot.” Six warned his A.I.

No, how dare he. I should shut of all systems of the Normandy until they give you the credit.” Dot huff.

Because nothing says ‘contributing member of the team’ like life-threatening sabotage for the purposes of extortion!

Collateral Douchebag Counter: 15

So after this, the Liara debriefing proceeds almost completely as canon… at least until she starts talking about the Reapers, and then things take a turn back to the stupid:

“But here is the incredible Part. According to my findings, The Protheans were not the first galactic collectivization to mysteriously vanish. This Cycle began long before them.” Liara told them all.

“Maybe they were wiped out during a war?” Six spoke for the first time startling most of the group as he was so quiet that they almost forgot he was in the room.

Gorsch, Skippy, you think?

“What makes you think that Kurt?” Jane asked the Spartan-III, while the others in the room discovered his true name or so they thought.

“You want to be a ghost, you kill everything, then wipe all traces you ever existed.”The lieutenant told the commander.”In time you become you become a myth, then a simple whisper in the night and finally, you complete disappear from history.”

Well that‘s… a weirdly purple thing for a Spartan to say.

He’s also putting all of this in weirdly tactical terms. I don’t really have a lot of experience with the subject, but I’d imagine wiping out a whole civilization isn’t really that similar to leading a mission to stick timed charges on Covenant Wraiths or whatever.”

“Yeah okay there that, but somebody would remember. I mean your can’t kill ever single person who would remember the Protheans.” Ashley commented.

I am pretty sure that, in fact, is exactly what the Reapers did.

“You can if you try hard enough.” Six informed the gunnery chief.” not right away perhaps…do you remember who the first world war started?”

“Well…no but that was over two hundred years ago.”

“That’s my point, we’re talking about filthy thousand years ago.” Six replied to her making her get what he meant.

That’s… that’s really not actually the point at all. The Reapers went to a lot of effort to deliberately hide their activities from future cycles. This is because, unlike SSJ here, the Reapers understood that the inhabitants of the Mass Effect galaxy are not dumb and would have found evidence of the Reapers’ existance a long time ago if it was available to them. The issue is not one of living memory (which would be useless anyway as all of the extant intelligent species were barely using tools when the Protheans died out) but of records and indirect archaeological evidence.

“No species has the fire power to whip out all life in the galaxy though.” Tali waved off.

I’d really rather not think about the Reapers ‘whipping out’ anything, thank you very much.”

“Your right Miss Rayya…or at least all races that you know off.” The Spartan-III said to the young Quarian making her blood go cold.

“What do you mean by that Six?” Jane asked the Spartan.

“Classified.” Logan told her

Ok, so, I’m not one hundred percent sure which galaxy-ending threat Six is actually referring to here, since as he has “the complete history of the Forerunners” at his and Dot’s disposal it could be the Halo Array or the Flood in addition to the Covenant…

But whatever he’s talking about, it’s downright criminal to have information on these threats- which, just to remind everyone, might still find their way to this other galaxy and not tell the people responsible for dealing with that sort of thing just because it was classified back in your own galaxy.”

Collateral Douchebag Counter: 16

Actually, I’m not sure if any of those threats would be classified. The Halo Arrays and the Flood can’t be because the UNSC administrative structure doesn’t know about them yet, and while the exact size and capabilities of the Covenant may be the aliens’ general nature and stated goals certainly are not.

making her frown, if a race had the power to destroy entire planets then she wanted to know about it.

“I think that if a race is as powerful as you say then…”

“I said it’s classified.” Six replied to her with a bit more force to get his point across to her, she was a commander so she should know what the word meant.

Spartan, I’m beginning to wonder if you know what that word means!”

Collateral Douchebag Counter: 17

After all of this, Shepard asks about Liara’s evidence, and she admits that she doesn’t have any in another conversation taken directly from canon.

Sadly, though, Spartan still gets a chance to butt in:”

“And then like all the other forgotten civilizations throughout galactic history, the Protheans disappeared. I have dedicated my life to figuring out why.” Liara said to the group who began processing every that they had been told.

What did I tell you Logan!? I knew something was going on here, and to think I only took me a few days to work out compared to the doctors fifty years. Take that blue girl.” Dot said smugly making Six sigh at her as it was clear that she had gained an ego since she was upgraded.

You know, I never thought I’d be saying this, but that’s hideously unfair to the scientific skills of Liara T’soni. Liara worked all of her theories out on her own, from actual evidence she and other researchers managed to unearth. Six just straight-up got told. And even then, without the benefit of canonical foresight his theory is only as well-supported as any other conspiracy theory- internally consistent, but with only the most tortured of external ‘evidence’ existing to support it over a million other more mundane explanations.

That, and AIs gloating about how smart they are is one of the things they told us to look out for as one of the first signs of rampancy.”

Blah blah Beacon visions, blah blah Council report where Tarren Sparatus is referred to as “Sparacus”, blah blah plot regurgitation.

We have seen agent Nihlus camera of the Spartan in action on Eden prime.” Tevos stated to the Commander who nodded her head for her to continue.

So, they want to talk about Spartan and not the rogue Specter or the giant fuck-off killer spaceship. That makes sense…”

We are impressed with his skills but we want him to turn over his weapons and Amour as there more advanced then anything we’ve ever seen, once we do a full examination on them and have him answer some questions about them, then he will be freed to leave.” Valern said to the Commander with a gleam In his eyes at the thought of getting his hands on the Spartans technology.

I really don’t want to think about Erdat Valern desiring to get his hands on Noble Six’s amour.

Amorous Counter: 71

“I’m sure you saw what he did to the geth on Eden prime correct?” Jane asked them.

Of course, he managed to destroy them easily.” Sparacus stated.

“Well what do you think he’ll do to you if you try and take them off him?” Jane asked them making the three look at each other.

Commit mass murder against his supposed allies rather than obey an order he personally does not like?”

Collateral Douchebag Counter: 18

Yes but if you his commander order him too…?” Tevos trailed off making Jane narrow her eyes.

“Noble Six works for Admiral Hackett only. Spartan-B312 is just working with me for this mission.” Jane stated to them making them frown slightly as they knew that they couldn’t order Hackett around as he wasn’t a spectre.

I’m pretty sure the Council can indeed demand that the Systems Alliance turn over foreign technology they’ve discovered for study.

But then, I suppose, that would interfere with the God-given right of Stus to remain stingy.

“Would you like me to go and fetch Noble Six? He just left and you can ask him yourself if you would like?” Jane asked them with a hidden smile as she saw that they clearly didn’t want to ask the giant human.

I don’t blame them.”

No, I don’t believe that would be wise, we have seen his interview that detailed how he is a known xenophobe.“Tevos stated to her.

So, several people in previous comments have mentioned that Logan referring to himself unashamedly as a xenophobe is like a modern American describing themselves as a racist- they might show all the signs, but the term itself is a universally negative one nobody would admit to. Here, though, it sounds more like it occupies the same linguistic position as ‘Communist’.

Weird.

“So aside from his amour being different, why are you after his amour? You have no jurisdiction over Six or the Alliance to make him hand them over to you?” Jane inquired making the turian councillor narrow his eyes slightly.

We are the council, everything that happens in citadel space is our concern, a human that is wearing unknown amour that has never been seen before and somehow can store weapons and make them appear in Noble Six hands is….”

“None of your concern.”Shepard interrupted him.

Excuse me?” Valern asked her, unhappy at how their new spectre was talking to them.

Yeah, that’s… a pretty damn clear-cut case of insubordination right there, really.”

Amorous Counter: 74

“Noble Six and his technology are his and Admiral Hacketts concern, not mine, and not yours.”

Allow me to explain to you the concept of the fucking chain of command.”

Now listen here spectre Shepard…“Sparacus said annoyed at her and how they were speaking, they were the council and this Spartan-B312 was at a huge advantage compared to the other races.

“I may be a spectre but I am and always will be

A Satanist?

human,

“Oh.”

Six of one, half-dozen of the other really.

I have a duty to my people as you do to yours, if all you care about is his technology then we have nothing further to say to each other.”

Crap.

Spartan’s transparent racism is rubbing off on her.”

Collateral Douchebag Counter: 19

Commander you have to understand, we are simply doing what is best for the galaxy and trying to save more lives in the process, is that not what you’re fighting for too?“Tevos tried to persuade the young (to her) commander.

“Funny to didn’t feel that way when Eden Prime was attacked?”

Are we really doing this again, Commander?” Sparacus asked.”Your colonists new the risks when they founded a colony on the boarders of the Terminus system.

That’s actually a pretty good argument, except for the fact that Eden Prime is not on the border with the Terminus Systems.

“Does that risk count for a turian spectre who was known to hate humans?” Jane asked back mockingly.

We made a mistake.”

“No! A mistake is knocking somebody over, your spectre slaughtered hundreds of my people on Eden Prime, then you had solid proof from the dock worker, Nihlus, you even refused to watch our video logs because you feared we may of tampered with them.”

So that‘s why this story saved Nihlus- not to have him do anything, but simply to provide more evidence for it to force the Council to ignore.

Ladies and gentlebeings, this is how you cheat at Council-bashing.

“So now because of your mistake, I have to try and find Saren who is god knows where in the galaxy and try to stop him finding this conduit, though I have a feeling in my gut that as soon as I find him that you’ll let him go.”

I believe we should end our talks until you’ve calm down.” Tevos advised everybody getting nods from the other two councillors.” Very well then, Commander. Good luck in your mission.” Tevos said before they went off line making Jane sigh in relief before she left the room and headed up to see Joker.

Sadly, this is where we’re going to have to cut it off for today, as even with vast chunks of plot regurgitation cut out this is still a massive chapter.

Come back next time for what might just be the single most asinine ‘twist’ in the history of Halo crossovers. And JPEG artifacts.

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70 Comments on “1814: The Lone Wolf Of The Normandy — Chapter Seven Part One”

  1. Leider Hosen says:

    You know, it’s a bad, bad sign when the Straw Bigot Brigade are the most sensible characters in the story.

    And even then these are pretty stupid Straw Bigots (regrettably I made similar mistakes in the past). Even the most bigoteering bigot knows that if the object of your bigotry could snap your neck in under a second and is clearly willing to do so, you don’t confront them face-to-face because it’s not going to end well.

    You seethe quietly until you can inconvenience them without repercussions, like you’d do for anyone you don’t like. This is doubtless a cheap crack at cheap conflict, so we can get some cheap “righteous” violence from the Grinch, when the “fight” they are obviously going to just be a curb stomp.

    • SC says:

      For real, this fic is some bullied freshman having daydreams about his tormentors getting smacked down by some pro wrestler or some shit.

      • DasCheesenBorgir says:

        Yeah I was wondering where this shitload of fuck came from

        She had used her beauty and kind smile to earn her and her friends free drinks when she was in her late teens, she would of probably still been parting to this day if not for her mother having enough and stopped her from being nothing but one of those girls that partied every night of the year.

  2. BatJamags says:

    heaping helping of horrible

    You seem to have had an atypical attack of alliteration.

    Alright, it’s not that atypical, but I needed a first word that made sense, dammit!

  3. BatJamags says:

    tuned away to head towards the debriefing room to as you’d expect to be debriefed on the mission.

    Let’s put some commas in there.

    tuned away to head towards the debriefing room to, as you’d expect, to be debriefed on the mission.

    *Alarms blare*

    Whoops.

  4. SC says:

    did the original Normandy have a platoon of ground troops attached to it? We certainly never see such a thing in the game…

    It didn’t, but you could potentially cram a combat-ready platoon on the Normandy. A standard platoon is only like forty or fifty guys, after all. They’d have to hang out on the hangar deck, though, since they’d kind of be in the way anywhere else. Plus, I’m pretty sure there’s not enough bunks for them to utilize on the crew deck…

    Though, given that the Normandy is a stealth/recon ship, I rather doubt it would be deemed necessary, or a good idea to have a platoon of ground units on board in the first place. For starters, you’re a STEALTH UNIT, what the hell do you need that many ground troops for in the first place? And besides that, Shepard and his/her team more than make do on their own, so the platoon would really just be redundant and take up space and resources that could have extended the mission for several more months with a smaller crew.

    Besides that, the rest of the crew is already combat trained, it’s just that it’s not their specialization.

    So, yeah, on the whole, waste of time.

    • agigabyte says:

      I can see an extra Special Forces squad as backup if necessary (a team member is lost, or extra troops are needed), but a Platoon of regular Marines? Yeah, no.

  5. BatJamags says:

    “Return to your seats.” Six told them blankly getting most of them to scowl at him for ordering them around after all he had done before one of them charged at the Spartan-III only to receive a hard boot to the chest that sent him across the room.

    Damn, narrator. Take a breath or something.

  6. BatJamags says:

    Six waited until he got close enough before punched him in the stomach making him cough out a mouthful of spit before he was grabbed around the throat by the lieutenant, lifted into the air then began to be choked slowly making the alliance soldier claw and scratch at his hands to make him loosen his grip but to no avail.

    And another entry on the list of characters our hero shouldn’t be reminding us of:

    Darth Vader.

  7. SC says:

    I’d really rather not think about the Reapers ‘whipping out’ anything, thank you very much.

    Well, that’s one way to assume direct control…

  8. BatJamags says:

    Alan

    Oh, hell no! You leave my name out of this!

  9. BatJamags says:

    “What’s it like?” Six asked making her raise an eyebrow at what he meant.”Being a dumb A.I.

    It’s not like anything, because dumb AIs are basically just sophisticated computers, like VIs in Mass Effect.

  10. SC says:

    […]This is not Logan getting better as a character, it’s the behavior of everyone else being warped to tolerate his outbusts.

    So, canon-wide Stockholm Syndrome, then.

  11. SC says:

    I have to wonder if the authors who shit on the alien-dominated Council have ever played Mass Effect 2’s default plot (where, apparently, Shepard is the biggest douche to ever live), because the human-dominated Council from 2 is arguably worse. At least the alien Council has the common decency to reinstate Shepard’s Spectre status upon confirming that they’re still alive, even if it was only a formality that they did so, and they’re honestly not that terribly unreasonable. It took some hard evidence and a lot of faffing about, but once the alien Council heard Saren’s own voice saying that he was responsible for Eden Prime, that motherfucker was stripped of title and privilege, and Shepard was given the green light to wipe the floor with his ass without delay. They’re not these awful monsters the fandom keeps vilifying them as, they have their kinks in the system, just like any other government.

    Compare that to the human Council, who don’t even have the balls enough to MEET with Shepard, in spite of Shepard basically giving them their jobs, basically write off Shepard’s claims as utter baseless bullshit (which, to be fair, so does the alien Council), and provide exactly zero support of any kind to Shepard’s mission, because “well, those guys went to the Terminus systems to get away from us, so fuck ’em.” Hell, the one token effort they make to protect one of the Terminus colonies ends with all but two people being kidnapped and the kidnapper’s ship maybe having a few new burn marks on it but otherwise getting away unscathed.

    Whereas the first game points out plainly, if the alien Council heard one of their colonies was in danger, they’d deploy an entire fucking fleet to help out. (Within reason, mind, they don’t want to accidentally wage war with other systems.)

    I dunno, I feel like Council-bashing is just incredibly dumb, given these details. Feel free to correct anything I fucked up, though.

  12. BatJamags says:

    Shepard’s “backstory” might actually make me vomit. This is not how you write characters.

  13. BatJamags says:

    “My. What a grasp of irony this story has.”

    Yeah, next thing you know, we’ll be fuck deep in pupp-

    Indeed. A regular Dave Strider, this one.

    Dammit! One of our brains needs to start working differently before this gets any creepier and I do an acrobatic fucking pirouette off the handle.

    • BatJamags says:

      Come back next time for what might just be the single most asinine ‘twist’ in the history of Halo crossovers. And JPEG artifacts.

      Goddammit, Dave.

  14. BatJamags says:

    But here is the incredible Part.

    What, this author’s Bizarre insistence on Employing awkward and misplaced Capitalization?

  15. BatJamags says:

    Tarren Sparatus is referred to as “Sparacus”,

    I am Sparacus.

  16. BatJamags says:

    “I may be a spectre but I am and always will be

    A Satanist?

    Enoby?

  17. Jon Arbuckle says:

    “I’d really rather not think about the Reapers ‘whipping out’ anything, thank you very much.”

    I KNOW YOU FEEL THIS.

  18. Jon Arbuckle says:

    “Garrus, Tali and Liara… were the only non-humans on board so it was easier for the three to relate to each other.”

    “the only non-humans on board”

  19. DasCheesenBorgir says:

    At first I was content at the job I was assigned to, helping out Noble team with basic information when they were on their missions, but now that I know what emotions are….its so horrible and so empty.

  20. Leider Hosen says:

    “Ohhh, how dare she care about the lives of her men!”

    That’s roit! Especially after the Grinch set so many precedents for good behavior and restraint that would make anyone in their right mind assume this totally isn’t what it looks like.

  21. Leider Hosen says:

    but not to have emotions at all would be nothing short of hell.

    *le sigh* No. No it wouldn’t. Hate this tired cliche honestly. The scary thing about lack of emotions would be that you wouldn’t care in the first place. You can’t react negatively to lack of emotion if you have no negative emotions, it’s an infinite regression paradox.

    Dot is a machine, ergo it only executes functions. I imagine her type of AI would do the same, it would just have the ability to interpret those functions and fill in the blanks without direct human input, which present computers can’t do. Gaining emotions would allow her to react to what she’s doing and form opinions and bias on it, which honestly… it’s incomprehensible to imagine what it’d be like to go from filing out orders without a care to having a clusterfuck of feels clouding everything. Suddenly you have to consider morality, personal investment, and all that fun stuff. Honestly gaining emotions would be traumatizing in a way if you didn’t always have them.

    It’d be an interesting topic to explore in this instance…. but we all know the complexities of the issue will be boiled down ’till the pan is dry in lue of obvious preachy symbolism about “At what point does a Grinch become a Clockwork Orange of Edgy feel-nothingness and a scantily clad tamagotchi is more emotional that he?AT WUT POYT?”

    • BatJamags says:

      Yeah, not having emotions is a concept around which some writers seem to struggle to wrap their heads*. I’d say it’s actually impossible for a sentient life form to lack emotions. Something truly sentient must make decisions based on some kind of motivation. If that motivation is not emotional, then it is most likely logical (I suppose it could be instinctive, but even bacteria have instincts, and no one’s calling them sentient). If it is logical, then it is an attempt to achieve a desirable outcome. Anything that can attempt to achieve a desirable outcome is capable of feeling desire. Desire is an emotion. If the end goal or most favorable outcome is pre-programmed, then we are dealing with not a sentient being, but a machine. At most, it would be a sophisticated computer.

      There’s also a more specific problem with Dot’s transformation. A Dumb AI would most likely be constructed differently from a Smart AI. To make that fundamental of a transformation, the original Dot would effectively have been killed (if we can truly say she was ever alive in the first place) and replaced by a completely new Dot, who just happened to have the original’s memories. We’re talking some Invasion of the Body Snatchers shit here. Regardless, she shouldn’t even remember what it was “like” not to feel emotions (assuming she was actually fully emotionless in the first place, which may be a bit much of a leap).

      *I may sound pretentious, but I’ll be damned if my grammar isn’t airtight.

      • agigabyte says:

        That’s not an actual rule of the language, Bats.

      • Leider Hosen says:

        See, this is what I mean. This is truly fascinating, existential shit right here that could be explored for hours and hours with limitless interpretation, but here it all gets waived, like a lot of things.

        The message is just… Disney levels of cliche. “Oh, hasing the fee fees is the bestess thing ever of all tiem and if u don have fee fees u r shell of a persun! Feel bad for Grinch, I said feel bad he doesn’t express train his fee fees!”

        As someone with a mental disability that cranks my stress levels into overdrive all the time, no, having fee fees sucks in it’s own speshul way.

        But honestly, what pisses me off the most here is that, for how fucking preachy this story got about it, it only reminds me how pathetically this story fails at sending the message it wants to send. He’s not emotionless. He’s a stubborn, insensitive, bigoted, spiteful, vindictive, paranoid, distrusting, sociopathic, condescending asshole… with a fedora.

      • TacoMagic says:

        with a fedora.

      • BatJamags says:

        That’s not an actual rule of the language, Bats.

        What isn’t? Not ending a sentence with a preposition?

        Because…

        I’m pretty sure it is.

        Uncle Google, explain why it’s totally a rule.

        At one time, schoolchildren were taught that a sentence should never end with a preposition. However, this is a philosophy actually associated with Latin grammar. While many aspects of Latin have made their way into the English language, this particular grammar rule is not suited for modern English usage.

        Fuck you, Uncle Google.

        And besides, I’ll still debate this. While ending a sentence with a preposition is certainly comprehensible on a communicative level, the actual grammatical construction doesn’t make sense, because it breaks up the prepositional phrase. Plus, grammatical rules are completely arbitrary (the fact that a certain sequence of sounds or symbols is or is not “correct” is only the case because people say so), so if something is treated as a rule, then it is a rule, because who can say it isn’t? Aside from an alteration in general consensus caused by linguistic drift, of course. Which is a fair factor to consider, since it’s the reason that the word “literally” is literally (so to speak) its own antonym.

        Where was I going with this? Great, now I’ve managed to confuse myself by rambling pretentiously about a subject I don’t actually know all that much about. What else is new?

      • PepperAndTomatoBorgir says:

        Were you meaning to talk about sapience maybe? Not sure enough of the difference myself to judge in this case tbh, but I know I’ve seen at least one other person make note of how often people use the term ‘sentience’ when they really mean ‘sapience’

        Also I just woke from a nightmare where I was contemplating mass murder because a security guard got pissy with me accidentally walking into the women’s changeroom and decided to hand me a bag of mushed up peppers and tomato (???)

        I’m a little freaked out by it still n needed to write it down

      • SC says:

        So, Das is secretly Noble Six, then.

      • NoblevilleSotoOTP! says:

        Shh! That’s classified!

      • BatJamags says:

        Were you meaning to talk about sapience maybe? Not sure enough of the difference myself to judge in this case tbh, but I know I’ve seen at least one other person make note of how often people use the term ‘sentience’ when they really mean ‘sapience’

        A creature which is sentient is able to feel or perceive things. A being which is sapient is “like a human,” which I think means capable of language and innovation and things like that. My intent was to refer to sentience, not sapience.

        I suppose my point could be debated on the basis that something could be self-aware (and therefore sentient) but not physically capable of taking action, and therefore not necessarily capable of making choices or feeling emotions. Still, I’d say that’s sort of a technicality.

      • AdmiralSakai says:

        I typically use the same definitions that the SCP Foundation site does, A sentient entity is capable of perceiving and reacting autonomously to its environment in some way (which encompasses most animals and many robots, as well as things like industrial mechanisms that react automatically to changes in power level or temperature; it’s possible to view sentience as a continuum where on one end are very simple things like plants that grow towards light or thermostats that maintain a constant temperature, and on the other are things like predators that handle a lot of information at once). A sapient entity is self-aware and capable of learning, reasoning, etc.

  22. Leider Hosen says:

    “So, brooding like he usually does.”

    It’s funny how even when I was a very edgy writer- well I’m still edgy but I’m more educated- anytime someone was described as “brooding” unironically I rolled my eyes at how transparent the edge was.

    I distinctly remember in an early version of my novel I took the piss from the word by having a character broken down with the sadz, and when a character brings it to her attention she literally apologizes for sitting around brooding and gets on with her damn day like a normal person.

    It was a poorly written scene and a JOKE, but I still take her more seriously than Grinch right now.

    • BatJamags says:

      Yeah, I’ve basically never seen that word used as anything other than a way of snarking at characters who are being all mopey and grim.

    • SC says:

      At my absolute edgiest, the word “brooding” never entered my vocabulary. It’s one of those words that I have to wonder who was responsible for making it up, and how it was ever used with a straight face.

      • agigabyte says:

        I’ve used it here on the Library, but only when Monitor is annoyed and making fun of someone. I don’t think I’ve ever used it seriously.

  23. Leider Hosen says:

    “What do you mean by that Six?” Jane asked the Spartan.

    “Classified.” Logan told her

    • Leider Hosen says:

      “I said it’s classified.” Six replied to her with a bit more force to get his point across to her, she was a commander so she should know what the word meant.

      …Sorry you are powerless to slap a bitch for his pretentious and unhelpful behavior, insubordination, and his general douchebaggery because he is the Main Character.

      So I’ll just slap a bitch on your behalf, as I am an author empowered to do so.

  24. TacoMagic says:

    “Hey! I’m talking to you freak!” The soldier sneered at the Spartan-III as he climbed to his feet along with a few others before approaching the lone wolf of Noble team who remained in his spot and watched as they came over to him.

    “You attacked and nearly killed Maxwell, shot alliance soldiers, attacked the captain, shut the Normandy and you think you can walk around our ship like you one of us?” The soldier asked the Spartan with a scowl.

    “I don’t think so, freak! Your going to learn what happens when attack the alliance.”He said with a sneer as he cracked his knuckles.

    So, uh, are we not supposed to be on this guy’s side? Cause I am. Like, all in and everything.

  25. TacoMagic says:

    “I’d really rather not think about the Reapers ‘whipping out’ anything, thank you very much.”

    And thus the band “Galactic Reaper Dong” is born.


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