1812: Tales of Vesperia 2: The Blastia Age Restored – Chapter Seven

Title: Tales of Vesperia 2: The Blastia Age Restored
Author: MrAwesomeMattyDA
Media: Video Game
Topic: Tales of Vesperia
Genre: Adventure/Humor
URL: Chapter Seven
Critiqued by SC and Teh Specs

Hello, and welcome back to Tales of Vesperia 2: The Blastia Age Restored, by MrAwesomeMatty! (Whose name I should probably endeavor to actually write correctly, as I keep forgetting the DA part of his user handle…) I’m your host, SC, joined by Teh Specs, and last time, Tai “fought?” Adecor and Boccos, resulting in grievous bodily harm from to all parties, then the mostly-gathered Brave Vesperia ditched Tai’s ass, shortly before Leblanc showed up to be, well, himself. This proved to be an insult too great to Tai, who flipped a bitch and stormed off after the group, grumbling all the while.

We come now to chapter seven, fittingly titled “Not the greatest of first impressions.”

Specs: These last couple chapter titles have been oddly appropriate.

I know, it’s like Matty was trying to do our job for us.

So, we rejoin Brave Vesperia, as they make their way back to Deidon Hold:

Killing the enemies with ease, the four-man (well, two males, one female, and one male dog) group made their way to the hold on a lovely walk.

It was for Estelle so lovely, peaceful, and great to be able to walk near Yuri and Repede again and travel with them once more. She reminisced of the journey that started with coincidentally a trip to see Flynn

Also coincidentally, it involved some nasty shenanigans.

Specs: Fucking Flynn needs to stop being where shit’s going down.

But then how would we convince Yuri to go on adventures?

Specs: …Okay, you got me there.

and it ended up with a trip to every place in the world first stop blastia thieves, then about the Child of the Full Moon legacy and Alexei, then-

Okay, if I wanted a rehash of the game’s plot, I’d just play Vesperia again.

…And by the way, I’m playing Vesperia again. What are the odds?

“I’m so happy!” she ended up cheering out loud, “This brings back such wonderful memories.”

Specs: What, the butchering of monsters while trying to walk from point A to point B? Isn’t that kind of why you tied a ship to a dragon and turned it into an airship? To, you know, avoid that?

“Oh, right,” Yuri said, smiling as they walked next to her, “It’s just like when we both escaped out of the castle and hurried to see Flynn.”

More like you had to flee for your fucking life to avoid getting your head stomped in by the Knights for unknowingly kidnapping the princess, but whatever.

“Yes, and then we went towards Halure and ended up meeting Karol and-

Yeah, that’s real nice, Estelle, but Yuri knows all this. He was there.

“Ahh, the tear-causin’ memories of how I met you youngings,” Raven said, making his voice to sound trembling as in to cry, “It warms my heart so to love those times we’ve had together.”

Specs: If I see Raven talk like that again, I’m gonna fucking do to him what Alexei should have done.

Killswitch his blastia heart?

Specs: And I would dare him to try and stop me.

You know Raven’s blastia heart is probably kept functioning by the power of a spirit now, right?

Specs: …Fuuuuuuuck.

“If I recall, not only did we meet in jail, old man, but you-

I’m sorry, did I not do a full recap of the game’s plot back in chapter fucking one of this riff? What gives? Stop regurgitating and get on with it, already!

“Yuri, that’s not nice, even for Raven!” Estelle scolded him.

“Hah! At least, someone cares for the old man,” Raven taunted in addition, “I guess it just takes a sweet lady to appreciate the greatness of ol’ Raven.”

Specs: She said “even for,” dude, she wasn’t exactly complimenting you.

“Yeah, yeah,” Yuri waved it off and said, “Anyways, we need to get over to the hold. Flynn’s gonna need our help cleaning up, so we should get over as soon as possible.”

No, but he really doesn’t, though! If the lazy shit would bother to take stock of his resources, he’d see that he has more than enough manpower to handle the matter without needing to involve these guys at all!

Specs: Cut him some slack, he only just recently became the Commandant. You don’t just go from low-ranking officer to top brass and seamlessly adjust to the new duds, bro.

…Come to think of it, how far do the ranks in the Imperial Military go? All we’ve ever seen are bog standard Knights, Lieutenants, Captains, and a Commandant. Do… do Majors exist? Colonels? Lieutenant Generals?

Specs: Maybe all those guys comprise the Royal Guard?

“Don’t worry; we’ll make sure we’ve cleanin’ up as soon… as…” Raven began saying cheerfully, but suddenly he paled up with widened eyes.

“Raven? Are you okay?” Estelle asked, as the group looked at him.

“Oh drat! Estelle, we left Tai back in Zaphias!” he yelled to the princess, looking with a face filled with horror.

We know, it was awesome.

Gasping and feeling regretful for leaving the anti-social teenager behind in a place like this, she covered her mouth in remorse and said, “Oh, no! We need to go back and get him!”

Specs: You really don’t, though.

*Well hey, guess what that sentence was full of!*

Oh yeah, regret and remorse are synonymous, I forgot…

*SC crams his entire arm into Specs’ hammerspace dimension and rips out a minigun loaded with suspiciously sword-like ammunition*

Specs: Bwuh-?!


*SC Scarfaces the DRD – but with swords*

And that takes care of that.

Specs: I feel unclean…

“Don’t bother… I’m right here.”

The voice, which was filled with anger and fatigue, caused the group to turn behind them and see Tai, panting for air and bit injured a bit from visible monster attacks. After catching his breath, he looked up angrily up at the princess and old man and gritted his teeth.

“Estelle… Raven… I want answers,” he said as he attempted to walk forward.


He walked right to the point of a metal sword that was suddenly held to his face and a sudden body stood in front of him. He looked to see Yuri holding his sword at him, keeping him away as he stood in front of Estelle and Raven. He also noticed that Repede had come behind him, and readied his blade in his teeth, slightly growling a bit and waiting for the signal to attack.

“Y-Yuri!” Estelle said, slightly taken back and worried as Raven blinked in shock.

Is Yuri gonna kick Tai’s ask?

“If you’re smart, you won’t take another step before I ask some questions,” the man said with a serious look, “You make any movements before I ask my questions, and my partner and I won’t be responsible to whatever happens to you. So, just calm down, first, alright?”

I hate to be that guy, Yuri, but you’re the one who just took a fucking sword to some dude’s throat because he was angry but otherwise hadn’t done anything threatening.

Four. This was the fourth person today to get in his face. He was not gonna let some pretty boy with long hair order him around.

And my GOD, is Yuri ever pretty.

Specs: He makes my self-esteem hurt.

He closed his eyes and growled in frustration.

“Estelle, can you tell your boyfriend to get outta my face?” he said, in a bit of a demand.

Specs: Uh, excuse you, Estelle is Rita’s waifu, not Yuri’s.

It’s a good thing Leo doesn’t really show up around the Library anymore, I recall he rather dislikes Ristelle as a pairing. Angrily so, if memory holds. To be honest, I also find it a bit far-fetched, because apart from some slightly suggestive moments between them, there really isn’t any outward display of romantic intent, but I still think it’s a cute ship, regardless.

It was then the biggest silence came as even the wind stayed still.


But it was soon broken by Raven’s hysterical laughter. The old man guffawed at what the teen said and literally struggled to breath as he fell on the ground and held his stomach, causing Tai to open his eyes and his rottenness to go away.

Specs: Uh, Estelle, I think Raven is suffering from an ulcer in the stomach lining, you wanna do something about that?

The most baffeling look came across Yuri and Repede’s faces as their eyes widened, totally not expecting such a thing to be said about the man. And poor Estelle’s face turned red like a gel; she waved her hands at Tai as if to say ‘wait’.

“B-Boyfriend?” Yuri was barely able to get out of his mouth as he managed to keep his sword in front of them.

“N-No, Tai! It’s not like that!” Estelle said, waving her hands considerably fast.

“Oh, he’s not your boyfriend?” Tai raised his eyebrow to her.

“No!” Estelle shouted a bit as Yuri looked down a bit and blinked a few times.

“Then how come he’s so defensive of you when I talked to you angrily? I mean, I wouldn’t attack you, but still; how he and his dog is so protective of you, it gives that ‘dating’ feel,” the teen said.

“Estelle is a good friend of mine. We’re not in a relationship, as much as you think,” Yuri answered, recovering from the shock, “But she’s a close friend of mine, and I don’t take kindly to people just coming up to my friends and yelling at them.”

Yeah, surprise surprise, Tai, people can be protective of friends of the opposite gender without being romantically involved with one another.

Specs: I would know, I don’t let anybody bully Bifocals, and we’re not romantically involved!

*Bifocals stumbles out into the hall, woozy from having been violently catapulted into the friendzone*

“I didn’t even yell… Estelle, can you please tell him and his dog to get off my back?” Tai groaned rolling his eyes, and then looked back to the princess.

With a silent yes, she walked over to Yuri’s side, quickly healing the teen, and said, “Yuri, please. This young man was the one who helped me journey from Halure to Deidon Hold.”

Turning his head to look at her, he replied with an instant, “Wait, HE helped you? I thought the old man was the one who brought you to the capital.”

“Sorry, kid,” Raven winked with a grin, barely able to say through gasps, “But that’s where ya are mistaken. I only joined the two youngings from the hold. It was Tai here who helped Estelle make her travelin’ outside of Halure to begin with.”

“Ahh, well then, I guess I can back off for now, but I still want to ask some questions,” the man said, turning his gaze back onto Tai, yet sheathing his sword.

Boy, I sure don’t remember Yuri being that quick to cool down after making a false presumption. What, did the whole incident with Rita just not happen, then?

Wow, this guy was a bit on the stubborn side, wasn’t he? Even after Estelle told him to back off, he still was in his face about him. Watching the dog walk past him and sheath his own sword, soon standing by the long haired man, he put his hands in his pockets and watched Raven stand up, brushing himself off.

So wait, first we decide that Yuri is quick to chill out when he gets caught making wrongful accusations, and now we’re going back to him canonically being stubborn about admitting his own fuckups?

Specs: Stop the world, my head is spinning.

“What’s your name?” Yuri asked.

“Tai Hurokido,” the teen said, revealing his whole name.


Specs: Um.

*Somewhere in the Clan lobby, one of the ninjas suddenly begins choking on their rice, and is dragged off to the infirmary by Ishi*

…Okay, so, let’s take a look at this new information. Here’s how not Japanese that name is – I put it into Google Translate on Detect Language, and the closest match was Arabic (“Harakiduh,” which translates to “Hymn” in English; I then tried to force it to translate from Japanese, and it STILL translated from Arabic, to the exact same word, no less). Then, I entered the word into Google, proper, and Google went “Oh, fuck me” and stammered out three words that, in no way, are related to what I was searching for: Hapkido, which is a form of martial arts developed in Korea; Hiroko, an actual Japanese name meaning “Tolerant Child”; and Hokkaido, which is both one of the largest islands, and the largest northernmost prefecture of Japan. Then, just to be absolutely sure I didn’t fuck up my attempts to get a translation, I reentered my Google query to “Hurokido meaning Japanese”, and Google once again defaulted to Hokkaido. (By the way, Hokkaido was apparently once known as “Yezo,” fun fact.)

Matty, you managed to fudge together the least Japanese surname I’ve ever tortured Google with.

“Where are you from?”


“What are you doing around with Estelle and Raven?”

“I thought Raven just told you,” Tai folded his arms, grumbling from his hood.

“He may have explained why you three came to Zaphias, but that doesn’t explain why you and Estelle left Halure in the first place,” Yuri said, lowering his brow in a serious tone as if to intimidate him.

As the teen rolled his eyes, Estelle luckily stepped in, “I wanted to go visit Flynn for a nice chat. The mayor said I needed somebody to go with me, and thus Tai came along. However, Flynn had to go to Capua Nor and the rest is exactly how Raven explained it.”

Specs: I thought we were cutting out the plot regurgitation?

Meh, Estelle glossed over it, so I’ll let it slide.

“Very well,” Yuri said, still glaring at Tai, “but I am going to give you a warning. If you try to pull anything shady or sneaky while you’re with us, I won’t be responsible for what I’ll do.”

“…If this is your way of trying to intimidate me, you’re doing a piss poor job,” Tai glared right back and said straight-up, “I’m not scared of your little threat, all right?”

Specs: Nobody needs you to be, and I frankly don’t care if you are. It’s just good to have you be aware of it ahead of time so that you don’t have any grounds to bitch at Yuri later when you inevitably force his hand.

Alright, fess up, how many swords did you pull out of your head to make yourself smart enough to come back with that one?

Specs: None. You were the one who pulled out the sword minigun.

Oh, right, that…

It caused Yuri to grit his teeth from behind his closed lips and become angry. This kid had one hell of a mouth and he wasn’t backing down. He couldn’t stand punks who would talk back no matter what, and he secretely worried that Tai would end up doing something bad to Estelle… and the old man maybe. Repede growled, bearing his teeth at the teenager after he said that to his owner. A slight glance given to him, Tai looked at Yuri again.

“And your dog can growl at me all you want; I’m not scared. If you’re gonna attack me, then do so, but don’t waste my time,” he said.

“Hehe, might as well give up on intimidatin’ Tai, ya two,” Raven chuckled, suddenly lightening the mood, “He’s not gonna be backin’ down anytime soon.”

Okay, serious time now, I know that Matty came forward and fessed up about this being an old shame fic, but I really detest how younger him treated Tai’s garbage attitude as “badass,” when it should have gotten him backhanded a long time ago, by several people, including Yuri. For real, if Tai was inserted into the actual canon of this game, he’d get mouthy exactly one time with, say, Rita, and be left in a pool of his own blood. Here, I wouldn’t be surprised if he manages to out-bitch her upon first meeting and she gets left powerless to respond.

I also dislike how Raven has been transformed into a sockpuppet for Tai whenever the little bitch mouths off. You know what Raven did whenever, say, Yuri started talking shit? He would shit talk right back. Hell, even when facing down Alexei, fully aware that his life could end in literally the next second if Alexei felt like it, Raven still gave him a verbal middle finger. I refuse to believe that this little cheerleader is that same Raven.

Swearing a slight chance that there might have been a chuckle from him, Estelle walked in between the two, causing them to lighten up looking at her, and said, “Please, both of you stop it. I don’t want us to fight; we’re going to be traveling with each other.”

“Yeah, she’s right, ya know,” the old man rubbed his head, “We can’t have ya two and the pooch kickin’ the crud out of each other.”

“You’re right,” Yuri said, nodding as Repede calmed down too, “I lost my cool a bit. Sorry about getting a bit upset, Tai.”

Specs: And we’ve made the personality shift of Yuri being quick to mend bridges again, especially after getting up in someone’s face and having them get right back in his. Because, you know, the arguments between him and Flynn were totally hugged out like bros. Especially the one where Flynn caught him murdering Captain Cumore.

You know, part of me feels like the heated battle between Yuri and Flynn should have happened when Flynn caught Yuri killing Cumore. I mean, it was no less dramatic when it did happen, and for the reason that it did, but I have a hard time believing that Flynn watched Yuri murder a fellow knight, however scummy the guy was, and decide that telling him off with a stern slap on the wrist was the best course of action.

“No, it’s all my fault,” the teen replied, waving it off,

Wait, can I get that in writing?

Specs: You mean you haven’t already?

…Shit, you’re right!

“It’s not you that made me upset. It’s just the fact that you’re the fourth time someone has gotten up into my face…”

“Huh? Fourth time?” Estelle perked her head up and looked at him.

Specs: I feel like it’s wrong to classify Adecor, Boccos and Leblanc as individual incidents. If anything, they were a single, continuous incident.

“While all of you guys were talking, some bozo knights came up in my face, and starting accusing me of being a criminal,” Tai explained, grunting a bit in frustration, “They said I was going to attack Estelle because I was apart of some claw that belong to a leviathan or something like that…”

Was that an attempt to comedically display Tai’s lack of interest in that situation? Because I’m pretty sure you did it wrong, Matty.

All of them gave him different yet strange looks at this statement as Raven asked, “Really, now? What did these knights look like?”

“You want their description or MY version?” Tai said, glaring irritatedly at the old man, folding his arms.

“Might as well go with yours,” Raven laughed, then put his hands on his head.

“One looked like a twig with bloated lips, and the other was fat and short like a baby,” the teen grumbled.

That is, in fact, an accurate description of both men.

Specs: Especially the baby part for Boccos. Seriously, you see him, and his voice just starts to sound wrong for the stumpy little guy it’s coming out of.

“That would be Adecor and Boccos,” Estelle said, realizing who he talked about.

“Tweedle A and Tweedle B…” Yuri sighed as he put a hand on his hip and shook his head, “Man, those guys are as dull as a pair of rocks.”

“Yeah, they’re retards,” Tai scoffed at them.

“Tai!” Estelle said, shocked at the name he called them by, though even the guys were too and the boy just shrugged it off.

Motherfucker, if you piss Herr off because of your fucking motormouth, I’m gonna go into the fic and kick your ass clean up between your ears!

“So, what happened? How’d you get away?” Yuri asked, looking at him.

“I had no freaking choice! I had to fight them and sprint out of the city!” Tai exclaimed, causing the group to be worried for him, “Wonderful… now I’m gonna be labeled as a criminal over something I didn’t do, all because some stupid dull knights jump to conclusions way too quickly.”

“And if I know those tweedle-heads, they and their hard-headed captain are gonna be following you out of the city to arrest you,” the city man said, looking at Raven for some reason, with the old man giving a shrug back.

Once again, Leblanc is NOT the Schwann Brigade’s captain.

“What, really? How do you know?” Tai asked, tilting his head.

“Let’s just say… I know from personal experience and I’ve dealt with them before,” Yuri said, turning around, as a question mark came above the teen’s head,

*SC notices the floating question mark and clicks on Tai*

…Are you for real? It’s another “collect twenty bear asses” quest.

Specs: Dude, we stopped getting worthwhile experience from those ages ago. All they do is wear out my weapon durability now, and I’m not paying three hundred gold to the blacksmith because a bunch of grey mobs broke my sword.

Nope, I’m with you, I’ve got better shit to waste bullets on.

“Let’s hurry over to Deidon Hold. We can decide what we’ll do about this. Okay?”

“All right,” Estelle said, nodding as she walked by his side before saying to the teenager, “And Tai, I’ll explain why we’re headed to Deidon Hold when we get there, okay? Don’t worry; you’ll get your answers.”

With Tai’s silent agreeing nod, Repede silently turned and walked by Yuri’s other side, as the trio led the way. Although being safe with his companions, Tai felt like utter scum. Being labeled a criminal for a misunderstanding… this was not at all what he wanted. He looked down a bit in sadness, but soon felt a nudge from a nearby elbow. Raven had smiled at him, motioning with his head to walk beside him and hurry. Causing his smile to return and his attitude uplifted, the teen began moving and the five thus made their way to help Flynn at Deidon Hold.

And then Tai joined the party, but I cut that part out because fuck it.

Skit – Not a great start…

You know what, fuck this. From now on, unless a skit is actually important to anything, I’m cutting them out, because all they are is shitty, pointless banter.

I’m also deleting the author’s notes from here on out, because those also contribute nothing of worth.

And with that, this chapter is done! Thanks for reading, folks, and stay tuned for next time! There’ll probably be random encounters or some shit, and Tai’ll get to Stu it up again, because God knows we need him to have even more opportunities to be a douchebag. In the meantime, I’m SC, and on behalf of Teh Specs, I’ll see you next time!

Specs: …So can I have my minigun back?

Okay, but you’re collecting the swords yourself.


28 Comments on “1812: Tales of Vesperia 2: The Blastia Age Restored – Chapter Seven”

  1. BatJamags says:

    two males, one female, and one male dog

    That’s one lady short of a Mystery Inc.!

  2. BatJamags says:

    “I’m so happy!” she ended up cheering out loud, “This brings back such wonderful memories.”

    I am experiencing the emotions, as is common for the hu-mans!

    • SC says:

      I, too, feel emotions commonly felt by the hu-mans, and will now proceed to reminisce about data log entry #53379, as the hu-mans do.

    • agigabyte says:

      Is it bad that I speak like whoever that character is?

      “I’m very pleased with this turn of events. It makes me recall such pleasant memories.”

      I think I actually said that, once.

  3. BatJamags says:

    You know Raven’s blastia heart is probably kept functioning by the power of a spirit now, right?

    Specs: …Fuuuuuuuck.

    Am I going to have to call the Ghostbusters again?

    • SC says:

      No no no, this is a good spirit.

      Who is likely infinitely more powerful than you in the first place, because that’s their schtick.

  4. BatJamags says:

    All we’ve ever seen are bog standard Knights, Lieutenants, Captains, and a Commandant.

    I think you’ve mentioned that each brigade is led by a captain, right? And it sounds like the brigades usually act independently of one another. So, unless I’m missing something, I think it would make sense for the captains to report directly to the commandant, right?

    • SC says:

      Yeah, actually. Zaphias’ military is almost private contractor, by the way they do things. One or two Brigades get dispatched to the area, and upon mission completion, their captains report back to the Commandant.

      The Commandant, himself, leads the Royal Guard, who (barring Alexei) focus primarily on defense of the castle, and to nobody’s surprise are the top dogs.

  5. BatJamags says:

    minigun loaded with suspiciously sword-like ammunition

    I’m trying to picture this because this concept should be awesome, and it’s not working. How would the swords slot into the gun?

    • SC says:

      Got the idea from the guy who makes Epic Battle Fantasy. It showed up like once, in a different flash game he made that was a timing-based spacebar smasher game. Of course, that was a sword turning into a minigun, this is a minigun firing swords.

      And also, I absolutely do not know how it would work.

      • BatJamags says:

        I had a thought, and I mostly just wanted to see if it would explode inside Specs’ head, and what would happen if it did.

  6. BatJamags says:


    IT WAS ME!


  7. BatJamags says:

    causing Tai to open his eyes and his rottenness to go away.

    Really? That’s funny, because he still stinks!

    That was cleverer in my head.

  8. BatJamags says:

    You know what, fuck this. From now on, unless a skit is actually important to anything, I’m cutting them out, because all they are is shitty, pointless banter.

    I’m also deleting the author’s notes from here on out, because those also contribute nothing of worth.

    Wow, where did the story go? It’s, like, three words long now.

  9. TacoMagic says:

    Okay, if I wanted a rehash of the game’s plot, I’d just play Vesperia again.

    …And by the way, I’m playing Vesperia again. What are the odds?

  10. TacoMagic says:

    Specs: What, the butchering of monsters while trying to walk from point A to point B? Isn’t that kind of why you tied a ship to a dragon and turned it into an airship? To, you know, avoid that?

    Dude, fuck random encounters, am I right? And anyone who puts mind flayers on a random encounter table is a sick bastard.

  11. Swenia says:

    *Bifocals stumbles out into the hall, woozy from having been violently catapulted into the friendzone*

    Don’t worry, hon, you can come over and we’ll have non-dairy ice cream, watch movies, and talk about how men suck.

    And we can totally make out during the movie if you like!

    • Syl says:

      I’ll bring the popcorn and Chapstick!

      • SC says:

        *Goldie slowly starts to fade from existence*

        Goldie: Ah crap, not again.

      • Swenia says:

        Such drama. It’s amazing how many kids don’t want to believe their parents fooled around a bit before settling down.

        Though I suppose it’s a defense mechanism to prevent you thinking about your parents having sex. In that respect I’m pretty lucky since my mother was able to reproduce asexually.

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