1809: Slender: Find the Eight Pages They Said : Chapter 4

 

Title: Slender: Find the Eight Pages They Said
Author: seclinalunica
Media: Video Game/Creepypasta
Topic: Slender: The Eight Pages
Genre: Horror/Suspense
URL: Chapter 4
Critiqued by Ghostcat Syl and Associates

 

 

:The Riffing Chamber is quiet and dark; nothing moves within its Stygian depths. Suddenly, the heavy reinforced door is flung open as if it is made of cardboard. An imposing figure strides into the room, poking at a cell phone with one finger:

Syl: GHOSTIE! Someone changed the WiFi password and I have an auction on eBay ending in one minute. Damn snipers aren’t getting the better of me again; that vintage Burdizzo clamp is mine.   :looks around: Ghostie? Why the hell is it so dark in here?

:Syl stumbles over to the light switch and flicks them on, ducking to avoid the flying saw blades. The increased illumination reveals Ghostie, sleeping with her head pillowed on the console.:

Syl: The hell? Ghostie, wake up! :pokes Ghostie with her phone: Wakey-wakey, Ghostie-girl. I know this fic is really boring, but you’ve got work to do.

:CHOMP!:

:Syl jumps back, still holding her phone – which now has a bite taken out of one corner.:

Syl: … Or you can just lay there and someone else can fill in for you. Someone responsible :looks around: And rational…:looks around again: Someone who isn’t me. There should be one of those pajama guys around here somewhere … :looks up in the rafters, but realizes the chamber is empty save Ghostie and herself: Goddammit all!

Syl: Well, if I’m doing this I’m going to need these :slides notebook out from under Ghostie’s head: but I’m not using Little Miss Bitey’s console. There should be a button … Ah! :unsheathes a blade and uses it to reach over Ghostie and press one of the console buttons: That should do the trick.

:Koori appears in a swirl of leaves:

Koori: You rang, ma’am? :sees Syl: You’re not Miss Ghostie. Where is … :sees Ghostie slumped over the console and Syl standing over her with a drawn blade: Miss Ghostie!

Syl: Oh, shit. I did not think this through.

Koori: :wickedly sharp needles of ice appear in the young kunoichi’s hands: What have you done to Miss Ghostie?

Syl: Settle down, child, and put away your toys; she’s just asleep.

Koori: Prove it.

Syl: :offended: Child, could it be you don’t trust me? I thought we were friends.

Koori: We are, but you do have a certain … reputation.

Syl: Ah, well; fair enough. :steps back from Ghostie and returns her knife to its sheath: You’re welcome to take a closer look, but I would be careful if I were you. :holds up remains of phone: She’s a biter.

:As if on cue, Ghostie lets out a series of loud snorting sounds. Syl and Koori both jump, startled.:

Koori: She’s possessed!

Syl: No, she’s just snoring. There’s a reason her quarters are soundproofed, y’know.

:Koori carefully examines Ghostie, who occasionally makes little snuffling noises but is otherwise undisturbed. After several moments, Koori’s senbon vanish:

Koori: She is quite a deep sleeper. Have you attempted to wake her?

Syl: Yeah, and now I need a new phone. I don’t think the warranty covers Librarian bites, but I’ll ask Lina what she can do later.

Koori: It was your own fault; everyone in the Library knows not to disturb a sleeping Librarian.

Syl: What can I say? I’m a rebel.

Koori: Among other things. What I don’t understand is why you summoned me here.

Syl: I decided to fill in for Snoring Beauty, but I can’t use her console.

Koori: :snorts: Obviously.

Syl: I need the auxiliary console, smartass. Can you have the pajama boys bring it up?

Koori: I will ask the clan if they can comply with your request. :vanishes abruptly in a swirl of leaves:

Syl: Prickly little thing, but I like her spirit. :prods the leaves with one bare foot: Could do without the foliage, though.

:seconds later several ninja appear in a large burst of leaves, carrying the auxiliary console. They quickly install it in the chamber before vanishing in an even bigger burst of leaves – all except one.:

Syl: :standing ankle-deep in greenery: Now the child’s just doing it to piss me off. :sees ninja:What the hell are you doing here?

:the ninja bows and holds out a folded piece of paper to Syl, who snatches it away:

Syl: The hell is this? :reads: Are you fucking kidding me? I gotta have some fucking babysitter in here with me? What a crock of shit. :balls up paper and tosses it at the ninja, bouncing it off their head: And why does it have to be you?

Ishi: :bows: Apologies, Siru-san, but no one else would volunteer.

Syl: To hell with this; I’m out of here. :walks over to the door and attempts to open it, only to find it locked shut: What the hell?

Ishi: Once the console is activated the Riffing Chamber is placed on lockdown; it can only be overridden by a Librarian or a Librarian’s authorized representative. As Ghostcat-sama has never granted you such status, the door will not open until the chapter concludes.

Syl: :snorts: Like I’d ever let a little thing like a locked door stop me. :gets  door open:

Eliza: Hi!

Syl: :slams door shut: Is that the new glitter bazooka?

Eliza: :muffled by door: Yep!

Syl: :takes deep breath:

— MANY BAD WORDS LATER—

Syl: … And the horse you rode in on! SIDEWAYS!

Ishi: Are you quite finished?

Syl: Yeah, whatever. :goes to the auxiliary console and flops into the chair: Let’s get this over with. You just stay way the hell over there and don’t come anywhere near me, leech-boy.

Ishi: One shall be as silent as the grave.

Syl: If only.

AN: Hello peoples! I hope you had an awesome Halloween.

Syl: Dammit, did I miss Halloween?

Ishi: According to one’s calendar, the festival is still several months away.

Syl: They why the hell is this person talking about it?

I didn’t have many trick or treaters over.

Syl: I don’t know about treats, but if you want a trick :produces knives: I can oblige.

:Koori appears in a flourish of green, takes Syl’s knives, and vanishes once more, thoroughly covering Syl in leaves:

Syl: OH, COME ON!

Ishi: :snickers:

Syl: What was that?

Ishi: Nothing.

Syl: Damn smartass ninjas.

I had some interesting costumes though; mainly kids dressing up as Minecraft.

Syl: That’s the blocky game with the constant digging, right? I thought this was one of that tentacle-guy’s fics. Did you bring the wrong one?

Ishi: One believes this is what is known as an Author’s Note, Siru-san.

Syl: It’s fucking annoying is what it is.

Anyway here’s the new chapter please read, Review and enjoy. even follow or favorite. Anyway stay awesome people! and enjoy more slender.

Syl: I would if you would just get on with it!

Chapter 3: Page 3

Syl: Are we missing two pages? And a chapter? :flips open notebook: This is supposed to be the fourth chapter.

Ishi: It is.

Syl: …Fucking hell. :begins rummaging through the console’s drawers: There better be alcohol in here, because I can’t do this shit sober.

9:55 pm:

Syl: Is it time to synchronize our watches? :takes a watch that looks suspiciously like one Contacts wears out of her vest pocket and puts it on her wrist:

Slender was behind me.

Syl: Just relax, lie back and think of England, and it’ll be over soon.

As I walked, I peered behind my back, and he was in the same spot; watching me. I needed to look, so I have a general idea of where he was.

Syl: Brilliant deduction, Sherlock. There’s got to be something in these drawers. :continues rummaging: I need a drink!

:Koori appears and deposits a tray containing a single glass of water, which begins to rapidly freeze solid, and several piles of leaves on the console before vanishing:

Syl: She’s enjoying this, isn’t she?

Ishi: Koori-chan does not like being called a child.

Syl: Noted.

In that case, if I see him…I know I have to stay away from that area. It wasn’t the greatest strategy; for if I kept looking behind me, eventually I would fall into his hands.

Syl: Or course he’s going to catch you if you keep stopping and turning around, you stupid idjit! Just run, dammit!

I looked again, and he teleported closer, a small hint of static was visible in front of me.

Syl: I’ve ingested a lot of substances in my days, but never anything that would make me see static. I don’t think it’s even possible.

I turned around and sprinted, keeping the distance between us.

Syl: About damn time.

A few minutes ago, I started calling the creature Slender, because he was very tall and slender; the name sort of grew on me.

Syl: In my experience, when you’re running away from an unspeakable horror you don’t usually pause to give it a name.

Ishi: One has difficulty picturing Siru-san running away in terror.

Syl: I never said I was the one doing the running.

Suddenly, an enormous white flash quickly appeared in front of my eyes. Half a second later, it disappeared.

Syl: Thirty seconds is a long-ass time for a flash of light.

Ishi: Such exposure would likely render the viewer at least temporarily blind as well.

Syl: Good.

Startled, I dropped my flashlight, and rubbed my eyes.

Syl: Yeah, that’ll restore your singed corneas.

Again, I turned behind me, but Slender wasn’t there.

Syl: Isn’t that just like a man; never there when you need him?

Ishi: One senses animosity in your tone.

Syl: :throws a stapler at Ishi’s head: 

Picking up the flashlight, I flicked the switch on and off several times before continuing on my horrifying journey.

Syl: Why the hell did they flick the thing off and on?

Ishi: To insure it is still working?

Syl: If it was on when they dropped it and still on when they picked it up, then it’s still working. Flicking isn’t the answer in this situation.

I shifted my eyes to the right. Slender was hiding behind a couple trees.

Syl: Creepy stalker bastard.

Ishi: 目糞鼻糞を笑う.

Syl: What did you just say?

Ishi: Apologies, one was merely clearing one’s throat.

In fear, I quickly turned my head away and ran; searching for the nearest landmark.

Syl: Fuck the landmarks, look for a weapon!

Ishi: It is not that kind of game, Siru-san.

Syl: Everything is that kind of game, parasite fondler.

10:15 pm:

Syl: :checks Contacts’ watch: No it’s not.

Shortly after my encounter, I came across a single tanker.

Syl: Why, hell-o.

It was a blue Volvo, and it was full of gasoline.

Syl: Just how I likes ’em.

Ishi: It is far better to have a full tanker than an empty one.

Syl: Like you would know.

I slowly walked around the tanker, eager to not have another surprise meeting with Slender.

Syl: The asshole can teleport, so nothing you do is ever going to matter because he can pop right up in front of you at a moment’s notice. An admirable quality in a man normally, but not in this situation.

I twisted my head from left to right, but he was nowhere in sight.

Syl: :facepalms: Are those the only directions you know? He was behind you before, so check behind you!

I frantically searched around the tanker for another page.

Syl: Fuck the page, look for keys! Or some matches. Do something useful, ya twit.

Hearing the slightest crackle gave me the sign that Slender was somewhere nearby.

Syl: Or that you’re walking on leaves.

I found the third page near the back of the tanker.

Syl: It took you entirely too long to find that. I don’t think you’re really making an effort to not get caught.

Ishi: Perhaps they wish to be captured.

Syl: That is when the fun part starts, but this looks more like incompetence than foreplay.

On the paper, there was a sketch of a tree and a tall man. It was a 90% chance that the drawing was a representation of Slender.

Ishi: One questions the math used to reach this conclusion.

Syl: Nerd.

Beside the sketches were words. It said:

F

O

L

L

O

W

S

Syl: Those aren’t words, they are letters that make up a word.

I snatched the third page from the back of the tanker, and placed it in the left pocket of my sweater.

Syl: Huh. Based on Ghostie’s notes, this person was just shoving these things down their top but now they are carefully placing the paper in their pocket. There must have been a wardrobe change somewhere while they were wandering around doing fuck-all in the woods.

Suddenly, the sound of the BOooom ended, and a new sound entered my ears.

Syl: If that little brat hadn’t taken my favorite knives, something else would be entering your ear right now.

It sounded like a lawn mower. However, this lawn mower was unnerving, and if the sound continued, I was afraid that my ears would start bleeding –

Syl: Ugh. Some people :glares at Ishi: can just be so inconsiderate. Who mows their lawn in the middle of the night?

Ishi: Vampires?

Syl: … Well, you’re not wrong.

OH! He’s over there.

Syl: So he is. :throws tape dispenser at Ishi’s head:

Ishi: That was uncalled for. One has done nothing to earn this animosity.

Syl: The hell you haven’t.

Frightened, I scurried into the trees, which was probably a terrible decision.

Syl: You’re in the middle of a forest, dumpling; unless you suddenly sprouted wings you don’t really have a choice in the matter.

I bushwhacked for a minute or two, and then stopped.

Syl: Why did they suddenly attack the shrubbery?

Ishi: According to one’s study of the English language, that word has more than one meaning.

Syl: Oh. I knew it had more than one meaning, but the only other one I know involves an intimate act with an unshaven lady-friend and that didn’t seem relevant to this situation.

I twisted my body around, and Slender was there.

Syl: Quite the limber little monkey, aren’t we?

Ishi: One fears this person has dislocated their spine in order to perform such a maneuver.

Syl: Meh. Just rub a little dirt on it and it’ll be fine.

I continued running in the opposite direction, but soon ran out of stamina.

Syl: :clicks tongue in distaste: That’s the problem with kids these days – no stamina. It’s all those video games and junk food.

Ishi: If one remembers correctly, you are above level eighteen hundred in Overwatch.

Syl: I was, but we lost the last few matches because that damned Bifocals refuses to play as anyone except Junk Rat. Do you have a point?

Ishi: It is nothing.

Finally, I reached the safety of the path and strolled.

Syl: :snorts: Paths aren’t safe, duckling; quite the opposite. They are large open areas with no defensive cover that tell your pursuer exactly where you are going.

Slender was still behind me (I looked), but at a long and safe distance.

Syl: And tell me, sunshine; what exactly is considered a “long and safe distance” to be from someone who can teleport?

Ishi: The clan recommends a minimum of fifty kilometers.

10:40 pm:

Syl: :shakes wrist: I think this thing is busted, Contacts should be ashamed of wearing such shoddy merchandise.

It took me a while to figure out which way I was heading.

Syl: You’re a special kind of stupid, aren’t you?

I was lost recently, because Slender forced me to retreat into the trees. I was attempting to find a way out of the vegetation, but had no idea where I was going to end up.

Syl: Wait, what happened to the path?

Ishi: It has been lost to the Void.

Syl: Damn. That’s the third time this week.

I stopped peering behind my back; I just couldn’t do it anymore.

Syl: Oh, no; I will so miss the anatomically implausible descriptions of you turning around every ten seconds.

I stepped onto the gravel path.

Syl: I found the path!

Ishi: One does not …

Syl: :talking over Ishi:AND I CLAIM IT IN THE NAME OF SPAIN!

Ishi: One was not aware Siru-san was affiliated with the Spanish Empire.

Syl: I’m not, but that doesn’t mean I can’t steal shit and blame it on them.

I breathed a sigh of relief, knowing that Slender wasn’t back on the path.

Syl: Which you know for certain due to your special path-based psychic abilities.

Ishi: One has heard of far less likely abilities; the ability to negate molecular bonds without producing any radiation, for example.

Syl: :growling: You wanna see what happens when someone negates the molecular bonds of a living creature, Mister Sassypants?

Ishi: One retracts one’s statement.

There was something big and dark in the distance.

Syl: Damn, and me without my popcorn.

It was long and looked like a log cake times a billion.

:Ishi looks at Syl:

:Syl looks at Ishi:

Ishi: Nandatte?

Syl: Beats the hell out of me.

As I drew closer to the over-sized log cake –

Oh no…

It’s a tunnel.

Syl: What? Was that seriously the best way you could think of to describe a tunnel – a fucking roll cake? There’s no other cylindrical object in the world that you could possibly think of?

Ishi: Perhaps they desire cake.

Syl: …Dammit, now I want cake. I wonder if the kid would bring me a snack?

:Koori appears and hands Ishi a plate covered with assorted baked goods before vanishing once again. Every leaf in the room immediately rises into the air and lands on Syl, partially burying her:

Syl: WHAT THE HELL?!?

Ishi: :munching on cookie: Ninja have excellent hearing.

10:55:pm

Syl: This damned thing is worthless. :removes Contacts’ watch and tosses it at Ishi’s head:

“This is a death trap right here.” I whispered.

Syl: Oh, I sincerely hope so.

I stopped at the entrance of the tunnel.

Syl: The first slice of the roll cake.

Looking behind before entering, Slender was in the distance; hiding in the shadows of the trees.

Syl: Didn’t this idiot just say they weren’t going to do this “looking behind every two seconds” bullshit? :throws handful of leaves at the fic: Be consistent, dammit!

I suspect, he was attempting to be inconspicuous, but unfortunately, his white head gave it away.

Syl: Sugar-britches, he don’t need to be inconspicuous; far from it, in fact. Based on how inept you are, and the fact that he could just teleport over to your ass, I would say he’s decided to toy with you to prolong his enjoyment.

Turning around, I entered the vast tunnel.

Syl: That is located in the middle of this forest for no adequately explained reason.

I waved my flashlight from right to left, searching for a page.

Syl: Someone take that flashlight away from them before they give themselves epilepsy.

Halfway through the tunnel, I started to notice that there were no visible pages. Maybe the note was near the end of the tunnel?

Syl: Don’t be silly; you should turn around and search the area you just looked at. Maybe give ol’ Slendy a saucy wink over your shoulder while you’re at it.

Nearing the end, I started to panic. Where was the page? It’s supposed to be in the tunnel. WHERE IS IT!

Syl: Excuse you, but do you have a fucking map? No? Then you don’t know that there’s a page in this roll cake.

I exited the tunnel, and stopped in my tracks. I turned around, and Slender was at the other end of the tunnel.

Syl: Big fucking deal; he’s been following you around like a puppy for-fucking-ever.

I gasped. “LEEAAVVE!”

Syl: No, thanks; I’ve plenty.

I sprinted outside, and ran along the side of the tunnel.

Syl: But progress was slow due to repeatedly running into trees.

Where’s the page? Where was it?

Syl: Not in the tunnel, that’s for damn sure. Go look somewhere else, idjit.

Without thinking, I decided to chance my luck and try going through the tunnel again.

Syl: :facepalms: That stupid note isn’t going to magically appear in a spot you just searched.

Ishi: Are you certain of that, Siru-san?

Syl: Oh, fuck me; it is, isn’t it? It’s going to pop up out of the fucking void and be plastered right in the middle of the damned tunnel.

Running down the side of the tunnel, I reached to the entrance again. I peeked into the tunnel with my flashlight; Slender wasn’t there. I breathed a sigh of relief.

Syl: Again, he can teleport.  His absence is not a sign of safety.

I entered again. I searched and searched, but once again, I couldn’t find a page.

Syl: Oh. Well, that was a pleasant surprise.

Ishi: Would you care for a redemption cookie, Siru-san?

Syl: I’m not touching anything you’ve touched.

Once I exited the tunnel, I continued in search for the fourth page.

Syl: By repeatedly running through the same damn tunnel over and over again until there was another time skip.

I decided to look behind me.

Syl: :loud groan: Of course you fucking did!

Slender was there, so I did the obvious and ran for my life.

Syl: Big fucking surprise there. This damned thing is so Goddamned repetitive it’s no wonder Ghostie fell asleep.

Chapter 4: page 4 coming soon….

Syl: Not with me it’s not: I’m getting the fuck out of here. :she kicks her way free of the leaf pile and goes to the door, once more flinging it open: Stand down, twinkles; the chapter is over. :she pushes past Eliza:

Eliza: Awwww…

Ishi: Would you care for a cookie, Moukin-neesan?

Eliza: Oooh, are those Gumdrop’s special Elasmasaurus-praline crunch?

Ishi: Hai. The extra capsacin gives a most delightful bite. In fact, we may be able to convince Kanai-san to make a fresh pot of tea to go with them.

Eliza: D’you think she’ll let me try on her wigs?

Ishi: Anything for our Moukin-neesan. :the two leave the Riffing Chamber:

:several minutes pass before a lone Darkwraith enters, wheeling a large trash bin and carrying a broom and dustpan. He looks at the massive pile of leaves and then sets the broom and dustpan aside to remove a shovel out of the bin and begins scooping up the leaves. The metal blade of the shovel scrapes softly against the floor:

Ghostie: :snorts: No, Necromorphs got my teddy bear! :looks around, disoriented: Wha? What just happened? : takes in the auxiliary console, the tossed office supplies, the pile of leaves, and the industrious Darkwraith:  I feel like I just missed something.

 

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69 Comments on “1809: Slender: Find the Eight Pages They Said : Chapter 4”

  1. AdmiralSakai says:

    I had some interesting costumes though; mainly kids dressing up as Minecraft.

    They dressed up as an entire game?

    Impressive!

  2. AdmiralSakai says:

    As I walked, I peered behind my back, and he was in the same spot; watching me.

    It just wouldn’t be a creepypasta fic without that video.

  3. AdmiralSakai says:

    this lawn mower was unnerving

  4. AdmiralSakai says:

    I exited the tunnel, and stopped in my tracks. I turned around, and Slender was at the other end of the tunnel.

    Syl: Big fucking deal; he’s been following you around like a puppy for-fucking-ever.

    I gasped. “LEEAAVVE!”

    Syl: No, thanks; I’ve plenty.

    I sprinted outside, and ran along the side of the tunnel.

    So how exactly did you do that, if Slender was at the beginning of the tunnel? Did he just let you walk right past him? I hope you at least had the decency to say “excuse me”.

    • GhostCat says:

      This is the laziest version of Slendy I’ve come across in a while; it’s like he’s just going through the motions.

    • BatJamags says:

      The “tunnel” is basically just an extended arch in the middle of the forest for some reason. I think the narrator was going around the outside of it.

  5. BatJamags says:

    Ishi: Once the console is activated the Riffing Chamber is placed on lockdown; it can only be overridden by a Librarian or a Librarian’s authorized representative. As Ghostcat-sama has never granted you such status, the door will not open until the chapter concludes.

    *Kicks Door*

    Yeah, tell me about it. Though I think my Door might just hate me.

  6. BatJamags says:

    kids dressing up as Minecraft

    Like… the whole thing?

  7. BatJamags says:

    A few minutes ago, I started calling the creature Slender, because he was very tall and slender; the name sort of grew on me.

    Slender Man, dammit.

    • GhostCat says:

      And “Slender Man” actually appeared on the sign (in ALLCAPS no less) that was by the gate giving the instructions to gather the pages in order to get the gate to open way back in the first chapter, so this isn’t something Nameless Narrator came up with on their own.

    • AdmiralSakai says:

      Quick, somebody alert the Slender MRAs!

  8. BatJamags says:

    Syl: Thirty seconds is a long-ass time for a flash of light.

    Ishi: Such exposure would likely render the viewer at least temporarily blind as well.

    Manfred Mann strikes again!

    Well, that or Vriska Serket is Making Someone Pay again, but whatever.

  9. BatJamags says:

    Syl: Creepy stalker bastard.

    Ishi: 目糞鼻糞を笑う.

    Syl: What did you just say?

    Google Translate seems to think he said, and I quote, “Laugh at eyes shit nose fuck.”

  10. BatJamags says:

    On the paper, there was a sketch of a tree and a tall man. It was a 90% chance that the drawing was a representation of Slender.

    *Pokes at calculator a few times and looks up* 91.26%, actually.

  11. BatJamags says:

    It was long and looked like a log cake times a billion.

    Oh, man, at Christmas time my mom makes this pumpkin log cake and it is SO FUCKING GOOD and now I want it. Damn you, story!

  12. CrunchyRaptor says:

    Syl: I was, but we lost the last few matches because that damned Bifocals refuses to play as anyone except Junk Rat. Do you have a point?

    If you Neanderthals could stay close enough so I could actually heal you, we might be able to keep a streak going. Mercy cannot heal if you keep breaking line of sight!

    • agigabyte says:

      *Wants to make a Widowmaker joke with Goddess but doesn’t know enough about Overwatch’s game mechanics to be certain it’s an accurate joke*

      Goddess: Heh, “accurate.” Get it? Because Sniper Rifles.

      Cain: Anyone willing to babysit her for a week? Please?

    • SC says:

      Contacts: Incidentally, Hanzo can’t hit anything if you keep breaking line of sight, so please, do as Crunch says and stand still, video game archery is a lot more difficult for me than real life archery.

  13. TacoMagic says:

    It was long and looked like a log cake times a billion.

    It’s big, long, and looks like a giant log cake. Might it in fact be a… log?

  14. The CRB says:

    ” ” Tunnel ” ”

  15. SC says:

    Damn snipers aren’t getting the better of me again

    *Shades chuckles while sighting in a Barrett M107A1*

  16. SC says:

    Syl: Oh, shit. I did not think this through.

    Incidentally, this is the subtitle of Contacts’ entire life.

  17. SC says:

    Koori: It was your own fault; everyone in the Library knows not to disturb a sleeping Librarian.

    This goes in a different direction for me, but only because I have to take off my glasses to sleep, and those are necessary to subdue the whole eye lasers thing.

    There has been many a time where Specs got his head exploded by accident because he startled me awake.

  18. SC says:

    Syl: Is it time to synchronize our watches? :takes a watch that looks suspiciously like one Contacts wears out of her vest pocket and puts it on her wrist:

    Contacts: THAT WAS A CHRISTMAS GIFT!

    From Bifocals.

    Contacts: Nevermind, you can have it.

    • SC says:

      Syl: :shakes wrist: I think this thing is busted, Contacts should be ashamed of wearing such shoddy merchandise.

      *Bifocals trembles in impotent rage*

      • SC says:

        Syl: This damned thing is worthless. :removes Contacts’ watch and tosses it at Ishi’s head:

        *A loud snap resonates through the room, and what appear to be Demonic horns begin growing on Bifocals’ head*

        Nice fucking job, Syl, now she’s gonna nuke the Library.

      • agigabyte says:

        Cain: Yes, we’re just going to go hide on the Archon for a moment, for no reason at all. Aren’t we?

        Goddess: But what about studying Bifocals’ nukes in a firsthand manner?

        Cain: You’re right, we should go. Right now.

        Goddess: Fine. You’re such a fucking spoilsport.

        *There is a loud crack as air fills the location Goddess and Cain occupied but a moment before*

  19. SC says:

    Syl: Isn’t that just like a man; never there when you need him?

    Glasses: Unless he’s just playing hard to get, like Booky.

    *Glasses deftly ducks out of the way of an incoming staff, which becomes embedded in the wall behind her*

    • Syl says:

      He’s not so much “hard to get” as he is “hard to keep hold of”. That damn sexy beast is slippery as an eel. Sometimes literally if he’s just had a bath.

    • agigabyte says:

      Goddess: Time to bring out the old Booky Shipping Chart! And the personal-scale point defense systems, just for fun!

      • GhostCat says:

        Why is the most desirable male in the Library the surly, nonresponsive mage who likes to chuck bricks at people’s heads?

      • BatJamags says:

        I’m not exactly an expert on these things, but something tells me you’ve just answered your own question.

      • SC says:

        You forgot that he smacks people in the head with staves.

        *Book Specs adjusts his glasses irritably*

        He takes offense to this omission of detail.

      • Syl says:

        [taps the bridge of Book Specs’ glasses] But you’re so cute when you’re pouty.

      • SC says:

        *Book Specs shudders, removes his glasses, and incinerates them – and promptly procures a new pair from his book bag*

        • agigabyte says:

          Goddess: *Chuckles. I’m pretty sure she’s actually trying to get Booky to believe he’s falling into her trap, as part of some greater, more convuluted plan.* Monitor! Stop ruining the Congress of Carnality’s plans!

          (Alexandria, I’m not sure that you’re aware, but the only reason I don’t screw over Cain the way I screw you over is that he’s my employer. You should not expect me to refrain from breaking up one of your pointlessly convuluted plans if it means also breaking up the monotony. -Monitor)

          Goddess: My plans aren’t pointlessly convuluted!

          (Well, they’re worse than Cain’s ten-step Batman Gambits, so…)

          Goddess: Shut up.

  20. SC says:

    Syl: I was, but we lost the last few matches because that damned Bifocals refuses to play as anyone except Junk Rat.

    Specs makes a shockingly good Mercy, though. And, confusingly enough, a terrible Genji, which is probably the only time he’s ever sucked at a class that primarily uses swords.

  21. Leider Hosen says:

    On the paper, there was a sketch of a tree and a tall man. It was a 90% chance that the drawing was a representation of Slender.

    Well you only saw him with your own fucking eyes. It’s probably just some other Eldritch entity of the tall orientation.

  22. Leider Hosen says:

    I continued running in the opposite direction, but soon ran out of stamina.

    Fukn Casul. This is why you never invade a dangerous area without 66 Endurance, a FaP ring, and of course, don’t fuckin forget your Grass Crest Shield. If you lack access to such items, just do 100 pushups, 100 situps, and run 10km every day for about three years.

    Results may very, Hosen Inc is not liable for universe sundering devastation as the direct result of bringing out-of-universe items into your reality or death via stress-induced Cardiac Arrest.

  23. Leider Hosen says:

    There are too many citations to make, but my eyes roll at the descriptions of Slender’s behavior. The way the author writes it makes it sound like Slender is hiding from or timid around the damn MC, when there is a BIG difference between someone hiding at the edge of a room because they’re a shy wallflower, and someone being an aggressive predator only keeping his distance to unnerve his prey.

    Stop describing Slender like he’s trying to hide from you, it kills all dramatic tension, which is a shame because being stalked by something you can’t fight back against is high on the list of primal fears. Most of my nightmares (even the silly ones that aren’t that scary) revolve around being pursued by something with no way to evade it, getting more and more desperate and worn down by attrition.

    But like most things, any semblance of stress and paranoia is absent from this because the MC does nothing but play fucking peek-a-boo with Slender with NO emphasis on his actual feelings or the environment. You see, do you know what made Slender scary in 2012, and not so scary now?

    It’s a little word called IMMERSION. It was the poor lighting and the sound design that made it scary. You were ALREADY on edge before you even saw the monster because it took advantage of the medium it was based in. Well, immersion based solely around the visual and auditory medium of Video Games does not translate well to fics AT ALL because this is what Slender looks like when it’s removed from the visual medium, and the fic doesn’t even remotely compensate for the lost detail: the world’s most boring and slow game and peekaboo and seek.

    tl;dr: AUTHOR, IT’S CALLED ATMOSPHERE, AND GIVING A CRAP

    • GhostCat says:

      The author is making an attempt at building the atmosphere, with the repeated mentions of the deep booming noise, but there is a world of difference between actually creating atmosphere and just using onomatopoeia.

      Creating atmosphere by describing the environment and what the character is feeling;

      The wind drifted through the trees, causing the dry needles to shift against each other with a rustling whisper that made it seem as if they knew far too many secrets. Turning in a slow circle I could hear nothing else, save my own heartbeat thrumming unnaturally loud in my ears. But, no … The was another beat joining my own. It was slow and steady, and faint at first; so faint I thought – I prayed – I was imagining things, but it grew steadily stronger. It was less a sound and more a feeling, rising from the ground steady as a metronome and right through the soles of my heavy winter boots until my very bones seemed to hum in the same rhythm. Even the air felt heavier, pressing against me in time to that slow beat, until I could barely draw a breath. Every instinct sleeping deep in the reptilian core of my brain started clawing at my grey matter, screaming at me to run, run, run!

      Something was coming.

      How the author does it;

      BOooommm…

      BOooommm…

      BOooommm…

      The atmosphere was no longer calm. Instead of the sound of silence, the only sound that I heard was…

      Constant bass

  24. Delta XIII says:

    Where’s the page? Where was it?

  25. agigabyte says:

    Damn snipers aren’t getting the better of me again; that vintage Burdizzo clamp is mine.

    Goddess: Heh, yoink! Just as planned.

    Cain: You’re just taking credit for that to make yourself seem more competent, aren’t you?

    Goddess: Uh, no, not at all.

    Cain: Right.


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