Sixth Annual Sucktastic Award Polls
Posted: July 6, 2017 Filed under: Sucktastic Awards | Tags: Sucktastic Awards, Your Librarians Are Crazy 18 CommentsThe Polls are now closed! Thanks to everyone who participated this year. The Sixth Annual Awards Ceremony will be Wednesday in place of Taco’s riff.
It’s that time of year again! Time to vote on the best of the worst in the Sixth Annual Sucktastic Awards! Your Librarians have collected and nominated the worst fics across twenty four categories of failure! The polls are now open, so get in there and let us know which fics you think are bad enough to win our utmost revulsion!
Note: It was brought to our attention that Garfield Effect was erroneously nominated for the Redundancy and Douchebag categories and has been disqualified. The polls are locked and cannot be changed at this point, so please refrain from voting for Garfield Effect in these categories as it will be a wasted vote.
Sucktastic Award Poll
For those who haven’t had a chance to read everything this year, or for those who need a bit of a memory refresh, here are links to the first riff this year of every nominated fic:
List of Nominees (In no particular order):
Heroes and Villains
X-Com: Mass Effect
Mortal Kombat: A New Hero’s Journey
On-board the USG Arendelle
Arkham Asylum
Love of a Spartan
Celebrian
Jeff the Killer
Jeff the Killer clones
The Lone Wolf Of The Normandy
Adopted
Unknown Origins
The war of O’khasis
A Daughter
My Inner Life
A Very Special Christmas
My Bleeding Crimson Despair
A New Metal Cyborg Trio!
The Savior
rise of the Xenoponies
Whatever McGill Can Do I Will Do Better
I’ll protect you
Sonic.exe/Round Two
Teen titians: The weirdest foe
Popo, Star Spawn of Cthulhu
element
Fall to Equestria
MLP Jurassic Equestria
Garfield Effect
THE PRINCESS BRIDE: LADY IN WAITING
Slender: Find the Eight Pages They Said
Subnautica The Novel (Chapter Bundle 4 is out!)
help me
Betrayal
pepper the match maker
Happy Birthday TadashixReader
The Before time of Lock, Shock and Barrel
Five Nights at Freddy’s x reader character x character oc x oc
Dora of the Rings
Star Wars: The Force in Arendelle
His Inamorata: Light and Dark
SONIC HIGH SCHOOL
I don’t want to be alone again!
Brego’s Mistress
Nina the Killer
Parties are for flirting
How to train you Dinosaur
Library of the Damned 
I’d like to nominate Garfield Effect for Biggest Gary Stu and Most Obvious Troll.
Oh, and it may be a bit pedantic, but Garfield Effect:Galaxy Adventure is the full title.
And where does the repeat chapter occur? I couldn’t find it on FF.
And I know this is getting long, but I’m not sure how Shepard from GE could have been the biggest DoucheCanoe McAsshat when he appeared for all of a chapter. Perhaps you meant Garfield?
Garfield was disqualified from several categories this year because of previous year nominations which were based on the bulk of the fic posted in the 2015-2016 season. This includes the two you cited as well as Biggest Douchebag and a few others.
I personally didn’t put in the nominations for GE that were accepted, and I didn’t have the time to check on the accuracy of the nominations, so it’s quite possible they were done in error. Since you’re the expert on it, I’ll trust that the nominations were on erroneous information.
I’ve made a note to disqualify Garfield Effect from the Redundancy and Douchebag categories. Sadly I can’t delete the entries without wiping all the current voting data.
Oh, whoops!
I went back and checked the GE riffs from this year and found that indeed Shepard never appears in them and there was no mention of a repeated chapter. I’ve made a note of this in the case we need to re-poll those two questions.
For now, disqualifying it is the easiest solution. Shouldn’t be a big deal because it didn’t collect many votes for either.
Should the disqualified categories be won by GE, we can either give the award to the runner up, or repoll those categories afterwards.
Yay! I was really looking forward to this and was afraid it got cancelled for a bit there. It’s sorta become a holiday to me since I discovered this site in 2014.
So for my votes, well I don’t want to spend too much time talking about it, but I had a ton of trouble on this one. A few of the categories I had a lukewarm opinion of and couldn’t pick for certain, while a few were tied in my mind and no matter how hard I tried I couldn’t for sure pick one over the others.
Jenna was easy though. I chose Jenna for most Epic Sue before I even opened the poll because I KNEW she would be there. She also won by a landslide for most obvious Author Insertion, namely for that six page mental breakdown about her negative reviews, which I still think is one of the most glorious things ever written in FF.
Troy also handily won his place for most loved “hate” character for me, because of the bunch he was the most authentic, three-dimensional and realized character to me. He outshone everyone else in the fic, especially Edward-117 who won the Douche award for being a belligerent maniac in my mind.
For most Epic Gary Stu… I really, really tried NOT to vote for The Savior. I really did, for the sake of avoiding bias. I really picked apart Baily and Nero (Grease I forgot about) and found they had a lot of “Epic” qualities to them (especially their Costume Porn armor and weapons), but in the end I couldn’t force myself to not vote for Savior Stu strictly because of that absolutely asinine ending scene, in which he not only defiled Dark Souls canon harder than Quelaag, but even if you took the scene out of context it’s still absolutely ridiculous. The fact it wasn’t the FIRST time he pulled off physics-defying utterly bullshit magical nonsense just cemented it.
He did not, however, win the Squick for me. Celebrain takes that honor. The Savior makes me angry, sure, but Celebrian is one of the very, very few things to utterly repulse and disgust me to the core of my being. While Bubbers was oblivious to what he was doing, Deum was malicious in that he wrote this… this… WHATEVER YOU CALL THIS and expected people to find it arousing, and the things he portrays would make Savior Stu faint in abject horror. EclipsePheniox ain’t got nuttin’ on how utterly vile and… disturbingly well-described this thing is.
Anyway, that’s my two cents. I’m really hype to see how the award ceremony goes and these polls really got me thinking about all the crazy fics we’ve read these last 365 days. Happy Voting!
Sorry guys, I’m not going to be back on this website. I tried to read a bit of Celebrian so I could make an informed voting decision and now I have to live as a hermit in the caverns beneath Cowdenbeath just in case anybody ever mentions orcs in front of me.
I should have prepared the backup Closet of Weeping for the influx of people who went back to check out the archives.
Thinking of barring creepypasta from consideration in next year’s awards, as since they are ludicrously short there are always a lot of them and as a result they tend to dominate the polls.
For Worst Abuse of the Thesaurus, I’m going Heroes and Villains. That seemed to be a recurring problem with it.
For plot regurgitation, I’m going Unknown Origins. That shit’s ripped straight from the game.
The Most Epic Mary Sue category is tough (Shepard from X-Com: Mass Effect being a serious contender here), but Jenna is just one of those legendary Sues that you can’t really beat.
I picked Savior Stu for Most Epic Gary Stu, since he’s… yeah.
Dark Link is a frickin’ champion mustache-twirler, and for that I’m voting for him as Awesomest McEvil.
Troy Fisher is a shoe-in for favorite character we were supposed to hate.
WTF Moment was a tough choice between AMYXFUCKSHITOTP and My Inner Life’s piss-drinking, but I’m going with the latter.
For the Award for the Award for Redundancy Award, I said Garfield Effect due to the repeated chapter. It’s kind of hard to top one of those.
I chose Whatever McGill Can Do I Can Do Better for highest jumping shark, because it was incredibly silly and lead to the prototype for the Punchy-Robo-Arm-Porcupine Ship.
Author Insertion was a very tough call between Loser Martin and Jenna, but at least Link’s Queen bothered to give Jenna a backstory, so Loser Martin it is.
Douchecanoe McAsshat was kind of a toss-up, so I went Edward-117 since his behavior bothered me the most.
I picked Willow as lamest duck since she basically never did anything.
All of those Voids are pretty Formless, but in Betrayal you can pretty much never tell what the fuck’s going on, so I chose that.
That awkwardly-named Five Nights at Freddy’s readerfic had nothing to do with the source, it read like some kind of generic template that literally just had Chica’s name shoved in a few places.
Weirdest Crossover finally gives element a chance to shine.
SONIC HIGH SCHOOL is pretty much the king of unintentionally hilarious lines.
For Squick, I kind of wanted to vote for Arkham Asylum, but it really didn’t stack up against Celebrian (or most of the others, for that matter).
For Worst Romance, I picked Edward-117 and Renee. It was a pretty tough decision, but I feel like that one bothered me the most.
X-Com: Mass Effect took Worst Trivialization pretty easily, especially since the crimes in question were supposed to be heroic actions.
I don’t even remember what the hell was up with Sonic.exe Round 2, but that description alone makes it hard not to vote for.
You cannot hope to beat Amy Smythe in a whiny-and-immature-off. She is simply the best there is.
I voted for my baby Arkham Asylum for bashing. That one was pretty easy.
Despite stiff competition from My Inner Life, I’m giving wardrobe porn to Jenna.
For most obvious troll, I said SONIC HIGH SCHOOL, since the other authors still might be serious.
Umm… Jenna is from My Inner Life.
Oh, Sakai. That’s like saying Léofe is from Brego’s Mistress. Don’t be silly.
Oh, shit. I meant X-Com: Mass Effect.
For the Asshat award, I have to go with the Reader’s Mother. It’s hard to beat a character who abandons a six year old at a pizza restaurant – on their birthday! – with a note basically saying she wishes she had gotten an abortion.
There’s no “Sensual Crane came on the sky”? Then again, I suppose it was technically intentional.
For the award for the award for redundancy award, I feel like A New Metal Cyborg Trio is the best choice.