1808: The Shadow Warriors – Chapter Three, Part Two

Title: The Shadow Warriors
Author: Shadow knight1121
Media: Comics
Topic: Justice League
Genre: Crime/Mystery
URL: Chapter 3
Critiqued by BatJamags (GoodJamags)

Shadow Kill count: 4

Hello once again, patrons! I’m your guest host, GoodJamags, and we’re back for more of the Shadow Warriors. Oh, and I’m still unperson-ing a guest guest host.

Let’s dive back in.

Later that night Shadow and his team went patrolling near a research lab near the docks that was currently under attack.

I’m very confused as to what’s going on. I think that they’re patrolling near a research lab, that research lab is near some docks, there are many docks, and these specific docks are under attack?

Not knowing what to expect they had brought Gauntlet along with them just in case. When they had arrived at the lab they were shocked to see multiple fires scattered all over the field.

There’s a field? I mean, the docks are now a battlefield, but the story doesn’t say that.

“Please, I don’t know anything!” A voice shrieked.

The four heroes

The four what?

I thought they were “warriors.” OK, that’s a lie. I thought they were idiots.

quickly ran over to one of the cargo bay doors to see a cowering scientist back against the wall. Standing in front of him was a small boy who wore a black leather biker jacket with a red shirt underneath, black pants and blue running shoes.

Oh, no. This is another reader-submitted character, isn’t he?

He raised his right hand that had a skull ring on his ring finger

Wow, the Phantom’s really let himself go.

and surprised everyone when a ball of fire manifested into his hands.

Shadow acting on instinct charged up his Adonis power and fired a bolt of electricity at the boy.

Seriously, just a list of powers? Is that so much to ask?

He turned only to have the bolt strike him and send him flying against the wall. Red sparks cackled around his body as Breeze tended to the scientist.

Yeah, skip to the part where they decide that even though this kid is trying to kill this scientist, he’s still a good guy.

“Breeze, Dusk get him out of here!” Shadow ordered as the two secured the doc and ran out of the warehouse. Shadow and Gauntlet then turned their attention to the newcomer who had gotten to his feet. He flexed his arms out as flames engulfed his hands up to his shoulders.

Wow, this guy’s really on fire!

“What do you freaks want?” He growled.

To defeat Batman for no real reason other than his not murdering people!

“Relax kid we’re not here to hurt you,” Shadow reassured as he walked over to the boy. “We just want to help.”

Well, you assumed that he was a baddy pretty quick for “just wanting to help.”

“Help…help! Sorry buddy but I don’t need your help!” He screamed.

Yeah, you tell him, boring powers guy!

“Obviously you do if you’re just running around burning down buildings and killing innocent people.” Gauntlet said.

Well, one kind of “help,” at least.

“You don’t know!” He said as he fired two flame streams at Gauntlet. Gauntlet easily held his hands up and absorbed the flames before they could even touch him. The boy stared wide eyed at Gauntlet and he flexed his arms out.

New Guy: My god, I’m not the only one with the incredibly generic power of fire manipulation!

“You’re gonna have to do better than that kid.” Gantlet gloated.

Which kid? I didn’t see any kid- oh, you mean Shadow knight1121’s writing skills.

“Oh, I’ll show you better do you know who I am?” He smirked. “I’m Phoenix, the god of flames!”

I can tell I’m going to hate this guy already.

“Sure you are.” Gauntlet said sarcastically.

No, actually, I’m pretty sure I am. I mean, I hate you, I hate Edgelord, I hate Generic Female Unit #1, and I don’t know anything about the Other Jason. That’s a pretty bad track record for this author.

The two then engaged each other in battle as flames spilled out all over the place. Phoenix formed a ball of fire and threw it at Gauntlet who simply smirked and let the ball hit him. Phoenix enraged that his attack did nothing to hurt him charged at him with his fist.

The tension is killing me.

Or maybe it’s the boredom.

Phoenix landed a punch across Gauntlets face and swiped his legs out from under him. He fell as Phoenix started stomping on his chest. Shadow then took the opportunity to jump kick him in the chest and send him to the ground.

How can these fight scenes be so lifeless?

“Enough kid what are you hoping to accomplish?” Shadow asked as Phoenix started chuckling.

Wait, something just occurred to me… His name is Phoenix?

“Revenge.” He whispered in a dark tone.

And he plans on accomplishing that by brawling with people he doesn’t know?

He then fired two streams of fire at Shadow who quickly got out of the way and threw a couple of nitrogen bombs at him. They exploded at the base of his feet encasing him in ice up to his neck.

That should’ve killed him. So, only seven paragraphs after she was introduced to this story, Jean Grey dies again. I’m shocked.

Shadow Kill count: 5

“Enough.” A voice said.

Everyone looked up as a dark shadowy figure glided down onto the ground. Phoenix started to panic as Gauntlet stood his ground and Shadow started chuckling.

And GFU1 and The Other Jason were ignored by the author because they’re not important to this scene.

“What brings you here Batman?” Shadow asked playfully.

Probably the terrorist attack.

“You know what I want,” He snarled. “I want the gauntlets back and these two boys in custody.”

Sick ‘em, Bats!

“What the hell are you talking about?” Gauntlet snapped. “I didn’t do a damn thing!”

Dude. You openly admit to being a thief and a murderer. Just because you didn’t do something recently doesn’t mean he’s not going to try to catch you. That’s Grand Theft Auto logic.

“You stole those gauntlets two years ago they are priceless and dangerous they don’t belong in your hands and this one has been burning down random labs for the past five years.” He said referring to Phoenix.

Wow, he’s just been burning any random lab he comes across? And Batman is still the voice of reason here. You just know he’s going to end up being the bad guy in this fic.

“Five years?” Shadow asked in disbelief. “The kid looks about fifteen.”

You sound about twelve, and by our count, you’ve killed two people and would’ve killed three more if they weren’t Clayface or just inexplicably resilient.

“That’s because he is and he is highly dangerous.” Batman said.

And the kid was burning down labs at age ten. Forgive me if I’m skeptical.

“I’m not going anywhere with you freak!” Phoenix snarled.

Let me guess: Edgelord and co. are going to defend this guy even though all evidence points to his being highly unstable.

Me either and the god who once owned these gauntlets begs to differ.” Gauntlet grinned.

So… those gauntlets belong to you, but you’ve only used them to slaughter random security guards and fight Clayface once. Alright.

“You see these gauntlets are mine I own them and if you think about to let some psycho in a cape take them back to air head Bruce. Well world’s greatest detective I only have two words for you.” He said calmly as he manifested some fire in his hands. “You’re fired.”

*Insert Trump joke here*

With that he fired two streams of fire at Batman encasing him in flames. Gauntlet grinned for a moment only to have it replaced with shock as the dark knight leaped out of the fired completely unscathed and tackled him to the ground. Gauntlet quickly placed his boot to his chest and kicked him off as he pulled out his chain whip. He swiped his hand along the bottom edge causing the whole chain to glow brimstone orange. He swung the whip around and snapped it at Batman who dodged the hit leaving a bright orange scratch mark on the ground.

He then swiped the whip at him again and again only to hit the ground again and only take a small portion of his cape. Batman as quickly as he could pulled out three batarangs and threw them at Gauntlet. They flew halfway towards him when Gauntlet swiped his whip down and sliced through them like a hot knife through butter. He thought he had the upper hand until he saw Batman rush towards him and land a kick to the center of his face. He went stumbling back as he charged at Batman again.

Shadow dived behind another wall avoiding Phoenix’s flames as he charged up his ice powers. He stepped out from behind the wall as he fired a stream of ice at him. He grazed his shoulder but quickly melted it off as he fired another wave of fire.

I have no idea what’s going on, but I think Batman’s winning, so yay?

“Dammit, this kids tougher than I thought.” He grumbled.

“I won’t let you take me away again!” He yelled as he fired again blindly.

The kid’s clearly lost it.

Shadow knew this kid was hurting bad that’s why he had to get him the hell away from Batman.

Why? What’s so bad about Batman?

He had to try and talk some sense into him. That’s when he switched his powers over to electricity and waited for the kid to stop shooting. The second the flames dimmed down Shadow stepped out and fired two bolts at the child.

This is the same strategy he used at first. Is he expecting a different result?

Red electricity surged through him as he let out a scream of pain. Shadow continued firing as he walked closer and closer to him. When he was within arm’s reach of the boy he stopped firing and landed a hard punch to his stomach. The boy slumped forward unconscious as Shadow lifted him over his shoulder.

Oh, it’s not just two bolts, he’s Emperor Palpatine-ing the poor guy. So now he’s going to hand him over to the proper authorities and- OK, I can’t finish that sentence with a straight face. Something like that would mess with the power fantasy. The

Fantasy.

Meanwhile Batman had a beaten Gauntlet on the ground as he tried to take the gauntlets off. Not only could he not get them off they were molded into his skin.

Ow.

“I told you,” He hissed through his broken jaw. “The Gauntlets are mine and you can never have them.” He then slowly got to his feet as Batman readied himself. “How does it feel knowing that you will never be able to take away my power? Does it make you feel human, the great big Batman crushed by a teenage boy.”

He… wasn’t crushed. He just can’t do the thing he was trying to do, and the teenage boy in question has nothing to do with that.

“You can’t wield that power it’s too unstable.” He explained. “It will consume you.”

“Says who, the guys dressed like a bat who thinks he knows everything?” Gauntlet chuckled.

That really has nothing to do with what he said.

“These gauntlets and this power is mine why? Because I’m the only one who can control them I am the decedent of Vulcan not you and I am the god of flames.”

So… are we supposed to think this is cool or scary? Because I guess it works as a mediocre villain rant.

Before Batman could say anything else he was struck by two bolts of red lightning and sent flying into a nearby wall. Shadow dashed forward and switched his powers to ice and fired two streams of ice at him. Batman quickly held his cape up as the ice tore at him like glass. When Shadow was sure he wasn’t going anywhere he stopped and let out a heavy sigh.

And Shadow just casually incapacitates Batman because the author says that the fight’s over now.

“Damn, how the hell did you let him get the better of you, demigod?” Shadow asked sarcastically.

By not being a real demigod? It means half-god, which there has been no indication of that being the case.

“Ha ha, your one to talk,” He grunted. “Like you my power is great but my heart is still human I overshot my limit and burned myself out, see.” He said as he held up an open palm which the circle in the center was glowing dark red. “If I push too hard I’ll die.”

Is that supposed to be a weakness? Because I get the feeling it’ll never actually come up.

“Yeah, same here,” Shadow panted. “It takes its toll on my heart I could go seize uncontrollably or have a heart attack and drop dead on the spot. Anyways, we can relax at dinner let’s get this kid the hell outta here.” He said as he lifted the boy over his shoulder and ran away from Batman.

And Batman’s doing what? Just sitting there?

“You’ll get no complaints here buddy.” Gauntlet said as the two followed Breeze and Dusk.

Oh, that’s what happened to GFU1 and TOJ. This story is so flat that I forgot.

They put as much distance between them and Batman as they could when they spotted something on the ground. They picked up the speed and as they got closer they recognized him to be the doctor from before only now he had a bullet hole right between his eyes.

So, there’s someone else running around and killing random doctors?

“Oh, no,” Shadow gasped as he started to worry about his teammates.

“Take it easy they are still alive.” Gauntlet reassured.

How do you know?

They kept running until they had finally found Breeze and Dusk slumped against the wall with a tall blonde haired man standing over them with a sniper rifle in his hands. Shadow wasted no time charging at the man.

Oh, god, not another one.

The man wore a black urban army camouflage uniform with a black combat vest, matching bandana, fingerless gloves with spike plates and a black pair of combat boots.

What is with these boring costumes? Aren’t these supposed to be superheroes?

Before he could comprehend what had happened Shadow had tackled him to the ground. Shadow was then thrown off as the man reached into his pocket and pulled out a black handle. With a flick of his wrist a long black sickle flew out as Shadow pulled out his sword. He examined the sickle closely to see that it looked just like the one on the Russian flag.

*Headdesk*

*Double headdesk*

You fail at flags. This is the Russian flag:

This was the flag of the Soviet Union until it collapsed in 1991:

The hammer and sickle in particular are the symbol of communism. The USSR just used them because they were, y’know, communist. So, this guy had better be some rabid communist and not just a Russian stereotype, or else I’m going to blow a gasket.

The two attacked each other with their blades as sparks flew upon each impact. The two locked blades as Shadow looked into his eyes he saw that his areola was replaced by red crosshairs. The thing that helps you picks a target when looking down the scope of a sniper rifle.

Here’s the funny thing: I have no idea what “areola” is, but I’m quite familiar with the concept of crosshairs. Yet, for some reason, it’s crosshairs that get this awkwardly shoehorned explanation.

AND YOU STILL FAIL AT SWORDS!

His eyes weren’t the only unusual feature as his strength was overpowering him in a super human rate. Shadows eyes went wide as the man pushed him back twenty feet across the ground. Shadow activated his own strength when Dusk had come between the two of them.

“Shadow, stop,” He shouted. “He saved our lives!”

Something that could’ve been cleared up by saying “Stop! Who are you?” before running off half-cocked like that.

Shadow had slowly walked over to the two as he looked closely at the man. He gave him a cautious stare as he looked back at Dusk.

“How?”

Comrade Communist: By uniting ze vorkers to depose ze bourgeoisie, you greedy capitalist pig!

(Ten minutes earlier)

*Headdesk*

Breeze and Dusk were running with the doctor trying to get to their bikes as the doctor tried his best to follow. He was winded from this whole experience and who could blame him when you’ve got a kid shooting fifty foot flames at you.

Why do the flames always have to be fifty feet? Ten-foot flames do the job well enough on their own.

“Why was he after you?” Breeze asked.

“I don’t know he said it was payback for what we’ve done to him,” He said in and exhausted tone. “I didn’t know what he was talking about if you ask me the kids out of his m-”

He was cut off when the front of his head exploded blood all over the place. He fell to the ground as Dusk pushed Breeze behind some garbage cans.

Earlier, it said he was shot between the eyes. This sounds like his head got completely gibbed, which would make it difficult to tell.

On top of a roof a few yards away Deadshot self-proclaimed number one marksmen stood at the edge of a roof with an M40 bolt action rifle on a tripod aiming at the two heroes. Two-Face gave him the job and was paying him twenty grand for each hit. As long as he paid Deadshot would deliver.

One: Deadshot isn’t the “self-proclaimed” number one marksman. He literally does not miss shots. We’re talking nigh-supernatural accuracy here.

Two: We don’t need to know exactly which gun he’s using.

Three: I know where this is going, and just don’t try it.

Four: Why are you giving us information that the viewpoint characters don’t know?

“Let’s see,” He pondered as he zoomed in on his scope. “Two plastic garbage cans exterior two inches thick I can shoot through that. They are possibly crouched too so all I have to do is aim low.”

Oh, how silly of me, Deadshot is the viepoint character! Apparently.

Dusk the fired a glock at nothing as Deadshot smirked. He had just given away his position.

Well, The Other Jason is an idiot.

He aimed the rifle at the middle of the trash can and could practically see Dusk’s head on the other side. The second his crosshairs were aligned he squeezed the trigger. The rifle roared through the night as he loaded another bullet into the chamber but then frowned when he looked through the scope.

The bullet had never even hit the can.

“I missed,” He gasped in disbelief. “I never miss!”

For the record, real snipers can usually land roughly one-in-two shots, and that’s considered ridiculously good accuracy.

He then took aim again and fired only for the can to still be intact. What was going on?

He checked his clip to see that his ammunition was live and he had checked his rifle five times so he knew it was clean. Someone was messing with his shots. But in order to do that you would have to shoot the bullet in midair and no one was that good.

Yeah, no. Just…

No.

This new guy can’t shoot bullets out of the air, because that’s stupid, and he can’t out-shoot Deadshot because that’s canon-breaking.

Oh, and also, there’s the fact that cloaking devices and other forms of invisibility are quite common in the DCU, so there could easily be an invisible barrier stopping the shots.

Just then his rifle was shot and then so was he. Deadshot fell back as he readied his gun gauntlets incase his oncoming attacker came to finish the job. He waited a few minutes and heard someone approaching as he aimed his gauntlets across the roof. Just then a pair of massive hands grabbed him by the wrist and crushed his gauntlets to pieces. He looked up to see a blonde man with ripped muscles and red eyes in the shape of crosshairs standing over him.

Wait, how’d this guy sneak up on him?

“Who the hell are you?” Deadshot grunted.

Comrade Communist: I’m Batman.

“No one,” He replied coldly in a Russian tone.

Oh, so he’s Odysseus, then.

And what’s a Russian tone? I’m pretty sure nationalities aren’t tones of voice.

(Back with Shadow)

Seriously, stop with the vague scene tags, and actually narrate.

“Wait so where is he?” Shadow asked.

“I left him tied on top of roof.” He said in his monotone voice. “Your Batman can have him.”

So, if this guy’s explaining what happened, why is the flashback from Deadshot’s perspective?

“Well what do you want?” Shadow asked again.

“Wait why do we have the kid?” Breeze asked.

Gah! Sudden subject change!

“He’s hurt we need to get him out of here.” Shadow said.

“You’re not serious are you?” Dusk asked.

Edgelord: I am serious, and don’t call me Shirley. Wait…

“Someone did this to him and from the sound of it, it ruined him pretty badly.” Shadow defended. “Besides he’s just a kid, don’t forget you were like him when I found you and look how you turned out.”

Incompetent and boring? Pointless and irrelevant?

Dusk said nothing as he knew he was right. When he first met Jayden all those years ago he didn’t want anything to do with him now he couldn’t picture life without him.

That’s unrelated to the unstable fire-powered terrorist you just decided to take in.

“Okay, I’ll carry him.” Dusk said as he lifted Phoenix over his shoulder.

“Okay great,” Breeze said as she looked back at the Russian. “What about him?”

So… he is just going to be Generic Russian Guy.

“What about him?” Shadow asked as he got on his bike.

Yes, please leave him behind!

Breeze didn’t know what to do as she looked between him and Shadow.

“Will you come with us?” She asked.

Crapmuffins.

He remained silent as he walked away from her. Her expression dropped as she then suddenly hears an engine revving. She looked over to the darkness to see the Russian fly out in a bright red Ferrari.

“I love your American cars.” He said as the engine purred.

“It’s Italian.” Breeze giggled as she got on her bike.

Not sure what the point of that exchange was, though at least Comrade Communist here has a little characterization.

“Come on let’s go!” Shadow ordered as the sirens from the distance got louder and louder.

Gauntlet hopped on the back behind Shadow as he pulled out, Dusk kept Phoenix secured on his bike as he pulled out and Breeze finally pulled out as the Russian followed closely behind them.

So he’s just going to be called “the Russian?” Not a very catchy moniker.

The cops and fire department came as the warriors of dark fled into the night.

Muffled Voice: Bow chicka bow wow!

*Headdesk* Let’s just do the author’s note and move on with our lives.

Whew long chapter long chapter.

Yeah, no kidding.

Okay we got two more heroes today so why don’t I introduce them.

Again, “heroes” is a relative term.

DigiatlEmperor001

Not sure whether this username is a misspelling or if it’s actually that stupid.

Name: Blaze Zephyr A.K.A Phoenix

Well, the name “Blaze Zephyr” is stupid no matter how you spell it.

Age: 15

Bio: Born December 12. Brown eyes. Black hair. Height is 5 feet 7 inches. Male. Orphan. 

Wow, that’s very creative and original

Personality: Mistrusting to strangers, loyal to friends.

It’s like I almost know the guy.

Power: Fire Manipulation.

And another fire manipulation guy, to boot.

The Illusive Mann

Don’t remind me of better stories, please.

Name: Marcas Valitov/AKA Red Crosshairs. 

I like Comrade Communist better. And I may be wrong, but I’m pretty sure that’s not a real Russian name.

Age:27.

Bio: 6’2, 224 IBS, blonde hair with brown eyes. 

Personality: When not using his power:kind, calm, reserved. When using his powers: ruthless, tactical. 

These are, like, the blandest possible characters.

Power: when he is threatened, or when one of his friends is his eyes form bloody crosshairs, enhancing his vision, and his precision with firearms and other sorts of weapons. His strength also increases while his powers are ability is that his brain unlocks itself to him, giving him almost 99 percent access to the organ.

No. The brain does not work like that. And his power is basically just “make him super good with guns,” which is a bit too 90s for my taste.

I hope I wrote them right if not give a jingle. As for my reviewers thank you soooo…much for your support it is very much appreciated. I hope to hear from you again soon.

Finally! It’s over! We’re done!

*SLAM!*

Edgelord: Jayden Warney/Shadow

Generic Female Unit #1: Alexandra ???/Breeze

The Other Jason: Jason ???/Dusk

Sam Motherfuckin’ Jackson: Sam Jackson/Gauntlet

Jean Grey: Blaze Zephyr/Phoenix

Comrade Communist: Marcas Valitov/Red Crosshairs

Shadow Kill count: 5

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66 Comments on “1808: The Shadow Warriors – Chapter Three, Part Two”

  1. AdmiralSakai says:

    Shadow acting on instinct charged up his Adonis power

  2. AdmiralSakai says:

    charged up his Adonis power

    Don’t you need pills from the Internet in order to do that?

  3. AdmiralSakai says:

    “You don’t know!” He said as he fired two flame streams at Gauntlet. Gauntlet easily held his hands up and absorbed the flames before they could even touch him.

    He’s immune to fire. Why even bother?

  4. AdmiralSakai says:

    He thought he had the upper hand until he saw Batman rush towards him and land a kick to the center of his face

    You mean to his nose.

  5. AdmiralSakai says:

    he fired another wave of fire.

  6. AdmiralSakai says:

    I am the god of flames.

    “Whenever someone mentions abortion on the Internet, I AM THERE!”

  7. AdmiralSakai says:

    “You can’t wield that power it’s too unstable.”

    Kicking in chairs and knocking down tables / In a restaurant! In a West End town! Call the police there’s a madman around!

  8. AdmiralSakai says:

    The man wore a black urban army camouflage uniform with a black combat vest, matching bandana, fingerless gloves with spike plates and a black pair of combat boots.

    I always wondered what would happen if Enoby Dark’Nesse Dementia Raven TATA Way joined the Special Forces…

  9. AdmiralSakai says:

    So, this guy had better be some rabid communist and not just a Russian stereotype, or else I’m going to blow a gasket.

    Six of one, half-dozen of the other, really.

  10. GhostCat says:

    Why do so many of these characters have fire-based powers? They should be trying to build a diversified team with a variety of powers that can be used in different situations, not start up a pyromaniacs club.

    • BatJamags says:

      I’d add it to the list of issues with reader-submitted OCs, but that list would be so unbelievably long it wouldn’t be worth it.

  11. AdmiralSakai says:

    The two attacked each other with their blades as sparks flew upon each impact. The two locked blades as Shadow looked into his eyes he saw that his areola was replaced by red crosshairs. The thing that helps you picks a target when looking down the scope of a sniper rifle.

    Here’s the funny thing: I have no idea what “areola” is, but I’m quite familiar with the concept of crosshairs. Yet, for some reason, it’s crosshairs that get this awkwardly shoehorned explanation.

    Also, the aureola is the region of darker skin surrounding the nipple. If this guy’s aureolas have been replaced with crosshairs, I’m torn between wincing in pain and wondering how Edgelord can possibly tell.

    (I would assume that the author meant “iris”.)

  12. AdmiralSakai says:

    “No one,” He replied coldly in a Russian tone.

    Oh, so he’s Odysseus, then.

    And what’s a Russian tone? I’m pretty sure nationalities aren’t tones of voice.

    God, it’s weird looking back to the time when Americans still thought anything Russian was cool and not the Antichrist.

  13. GhostCat says:

    . “I’m Phoenix, the god of flames!”

    A phoenix isn’t a god, it’s a mythological bird known for self-immolation. Does this mean he’s going to set himself on fire at some point?

    • BatJamags says:

      If only. He mostly just stands in the background of group scenes and whines a bit, while Sam Motherfuckin’ Jackson does all of the burnin’ stuff.

  14. AdmiralSakai says:

    This new guy can’t shoot bullets out of the air, because that’s stupid, and he can’t out-shoot Deadshot because that’s canon-breaking.

    Oh, and also, there’s the fact that cloaking devices and other forms of invisibility are quite common in the DCU, so there could easily be an invisible barrier stopping the shots.

    I also love how he resoundingly failed to even try to do that when it was the scientist in danger.

    • AdmiralSakai says:

      I also am left wondering why Deadshot doesn’t hear another gunshot whenever he fires. Does Comrade Communist have a silenced sniper rifle in addition to everything else?

      • BatJamags says:

        I think the implication is that he somehow manages to pull the trigger at the same time Deadshot does, thus masking the sound, but that really makes even less sense.

      • AdmiralSakai says:

        Which also doesn’t make sense, as there would be a definite lag between the time Deadshot heard the sound from the rifle right up next to his face and the one [mumblety] meters away.

    • BatJamags says:

      Well, see, the scientist doesn’t have a name.

  15. AdmiralSakai says:

    almost 99 percent access to the organ.

  16. AdmiralSakai says:

    Jean Grey: Blaze Zephyr/Phoenix

    I vote that we change this one’s nickname to EclipsePheniox.

    • BatJamags says:

      What? He turns out to be whiny, unable to take criticism, and incapable of providing the audience with meaningful action or character development.

      I really don’t see the comparison.

  17. GhostCat says:

    He swiped his hand along the bottom edge causing the whole chain to glow brimstone orange.

    Brimstone is another name for sulfur, which is bright yellow and burns with a blue flame.

    It does melt into a red liquid, but nothing about it is orange.

  18. GhostCat says:

    “I told you,” He hissed through his broken jaw. “The Gauntlets are mine and you can never have them.”

    He can if he cuts your hands off, dude. That would probably do the trick.

  19. GhostCat says:

    “Yeah, same here,” Shadow panted. “It takes its toll on my heart I could go seize uncontrollably or have a heart attack and drop dead on the spot. Anyways, we can relax at dinner let’s get this kid the hell outta here.”

    Translation; “I’m totally not an overpowered Super Stu because I can die from using my abilities! Now let’s never speak of this again or have it impact the plot in any way.”

    • BatJamags says:

      Wow, how did you guess that would be the case? Clearly, you must be psychic or something.

      I’ll give him credit on one point: he does have an actual weakness that eventually actually get used.

  20. TacoMagic says:

    And he plans on accomplishing that by brawling with people he doesn’t know?

    To be fair, that plan is only as bad as Team Edgelord’s plan to get revenge on Batman because reasons.

  21. GhostCat says:

    The two locked blades as Shadow looked into his eyes he saw that his areola was replaced by red crosshairs.

    snerk: Dude, if you have an areola on your eyeball then you have bigger problems than a handful of generic super-teens.

  22. GhostCat says:

    Two-Face gave him the job and was paying him twenty grand for each hit. As long as he paid Deadshot would deliver.

    Damn, Two-Face must have had a coupon or something to get Deadshot that cheap.

  23. CrunchyRaptor says:

    Meanwhile Batman had a beaten Gauntlet on the ground as he tried to take the gauntlets off. Not only could he not get them off they were molded into his skin.

    That does not mean they are irremovable. It simply means that you cannot remove them without a significant cleanup effort afterwards. This is why I make a point to have easy access to a tarp at all times.

  24. GhostCat says:

    “Let’s see,” He pondered as he zoomed in on his scope. “Two plastic garbage cans exterior two inches thick I can shoot through that. They are possibly crouched too so all I have to do is aim low.”

    What the hell kind of garbage cans are two inches thick?

  25. GhostCat says:

    His strength also increases while his powers are ability is that his brain unlocks itself to him, giving him almost 99 percent access to the organ.

    That is NOT how brains work; If Comrade Communist isn’t using all of his brain all of the time, he would probably be in a coma.

  26. Leider Hosen says:

    I thought they were “warriors.” OK, that’s a lie. I thought they were idiots.

    They are Idiotic “heroic” warriors. Specifically and exclusively in that order.

    • BatJamags says:

      Except later on they start specifically claiming not to be heroes. Because… I guess heroes aren’t badass enough. Or something.

  27. Leider Hosen says:

    Seriously, just a list of powers? Is that so much to ask?

    1). The “Stu” : Can do anything imaginable and everything impossible, but are often too lazy to apply said talents and instead make their thralls do everything for them. Mostly involves mass hypnosis and psychic domination, allowing those with “The Stu” to get away with anything their heart desires and never face accountability for their actions while turning everyone else into flesh puppets bent to the will of the user.

    2). See Above.

  28. Leider Hosen says:

    Meanwhile Batman had a beaten Gauntlet on the ground as he tried to take the gauntlets off. Not only could he not get them off they were molded into his skin.

    Of course they were molded… to his… skin….

    *beat*

    An Edgy Stu with God-Gloves molded to his hands has godly power and is oblivious to the fact that while he THINKS he’s hero he’s really destroying tons of innocent people because of his skewed view of morality.

    *grabs chair* You can’t fool me Savior Stu! Get over here boy!

  29. Leider Hosen says:

    Is that supposed to be a weakness? Because I get the feeling it’ll never actually come up.

    No shit. Personally I’m a huge fan of the Glass Cannon trope, where a character has huge levels of power that is devastating in short bursts but deals damage to the user proportional to the output, so every time they do battle it’s a sort of all-or-nothing Ace Card or at the very least assumed risk unless they really restrain themselves.

    …Of course, for that kind of interesting dramatic tension to work the risk has to be accounted for every time and meaningful self-damage has to actually impact the story. Of which that is not the case here.

    • BatJamags says:

      Personally, I just like to see that the villains are legitimately more powerful than the heroes, so that way when the heroes get fancy toys, it doesn’t feel so much like cheap favoritism.

      • Leider Hosen says:

        Oh, me too. Like, in the current reboot of my old novel, some characters steadily get stronger as the series progresses, but the majority of them are already at the height of their power.

        Sure, they may get more skilled or build up more stamina, but very few have a substantial leap in actual power as the story goes on. So what you see is more or less what you get and aside from certain special traits, everyone has access to more or less the same paths to power (save the normals, as in any setting with the supernatural).

        This means that sure, the Hero can pull out their special power of awesome to win… but then the villain pulls out THEIR special power of awesome to slap them aside again. So basically, I like it when overpowered BS hax powers are in the story… so long as everyone gets them fairly and equally. The villains mostly edge out based on the willingness to achieve strength by ANY means necessary and not giving a shit about such silly things as collateral damage or accountability for war crimes.

  30. Leider Hosen says:

    Why do the flames always have to be fifty feet? Ten-foot flames do the job well enough on their own.

    Not to mention more bigger does not equal more power, that’s not how does flames. Flamethrowers actually coat the target in napalm jelly to keep the flames burning since they need fuel, it’s not an actual stream of raw fire like people think it is.

    Also, intense flames are usually smaller but compressed so all the heat energy is focused to a single point rather than spread over an area. This author does not know how does fire.

  31. Jon Arbuckle says:

    “They kept running until they had finally found Breeze…”

    At every mention of Breeze I’ve been imagining WWE’s Tyler Breeze instead. He’s a lot more likeable and entertaining, plus his outfit adds some colour to Black Trenchcoat Squad.

  32. Jon Arbuckle says:

    “224 IBS”

    He has irritable bowel syndrome 224 times more severe than normal? Well that’s one way to give your character a weakness, I suppose…

  33. Jon Arbuckle says:

    “…a bit too 90s for my taste,”

    Implying that the 90s was not the best time for comic books. Just look at this amazing masterpiece.

    • BatJamags says:

      Oh, Rob Leifeld. I’d make a further comment about that cover, but I can’t see it because my eyeballs have just been burned out of my skull.


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