1805: Maya and Raider – Chapter Two

Title: Maya and Raider
Author: EclipsePheniox
Media: Video Game
Topic: Borderlands
Genre: Adventure/Romance
URL: Chapter 2
Critiqued by Delta XIII

I already regret everything. Let’s just get this over with.

Oh, and as a side note, I’ll be counting the sins of each chapter separately and then tallying them up at the end, so the counter gets reset after each chapter. Though I will be starting the counter at 500 rather than zero, because A: I’m extremely petty, and B: this thing deserves every sin it can get.

EVERYTHING WRONG
WITH

Maya and Raider
Chapter 2

(spoilers)
(maybe)

As Maya tested her new weapons her belly began aching again.

I know it’s probably meant to be talking about her wound, but this just makes it sound like she’s hungry. (501)

Alex, or Raider as he called himself, noted to her that she had to be careful about it in case it may open again. She didn’t like it but she didn’t want it to open again. The pain wasn’t too bad and she coped with it.

Uh, EP, would you kindly at least mention the actual wound somewhere in there? Without that, it just sounds like her stomach painfully opens at random intervals. (502)

Taking aim with her new Maliwan corrosive revolver she fired a couple of shots at some empty cans so she can get a feel for the weapon. The accuracy was good but the recoil had a good kick to it.

This was what I got when I Googled “borderlands 2 maliwan corrosive revolver”. It’s an exceedingly rare gun that you can only get from either a specific vendor, or as a rare drop from a very difficult raid boss.
The long and short of it is, Raider having this gun is just one of what will no doubt be many Stu traits. (503)

(And before anyone asks, no, I’m not going to make some kind of Stu Traits counter; it’s hare enough keeping track of the Sin Counter.)

The other weapon she had was a Dahl smg.

Well, that’s frustratingly vague. There’s a lot of Dahl SMGs. (504)

Raider only had a few weapons to hand

Which is probably the biggest mistake you can make on Pandora. It’s the kind of place where even the friggin’ port-a-potties are stocked with weapons! (505)

No, seriously.

but they where good.

*checks Pandoran map*

Wherever “Good” is, it must be an incredibly secret area! I can’t find it anywhere on here! (506)

It explained how he survived on Pandora

(507)

along with his survivor tactics. As she took her new smg out Raider came out of the hut. He wore digital camo trousers with armour pieces on. It was the same with his leather Jacket with armour pieces.

Wait, so his jacket’s digital as well? Is this Borderlands or Tron? (508)

Paying no attention to him Maya released a few rounds from the smg at the cans.

Hey! What did those cans ever do to you?! (509)

Nodding her head in acceptance with the weapon after taking the cans down.

NOOOOOOO! THE POOR CANS!!!!! (510)

She then eyed Raider as he checked his own Vladof machine pistol

First result when I searched for “vladolf machine pistol”. I don’t know why rarer guns keep showing up, but given that this is an EP Stu we’re dealing with it seems rather fitting. (511)

and Maliwan sniper.

Sniper rifle, EP. Just saying “sniper” brings to mind the image that Raider-Stu is lugging some poor goon around everywhere. (512)

He didn’t have the skull down but Maya sensed that there was something about that skull that covered some part of his past.

How? How could she know that from a single glance? Maya’s perceptive, but she is not psychic.
At least, not in the mind reading sense of the word. (513)

It interested her. Zero was very quiet and no one knew if he was human, but she liked men with mystery.

Pre-emptive sin for obvious upcoming “romantic” subplot. (514)

“So where do you come from?” she asked.

“Small planet of the outskirts, Arcadia but it was too peaceful for my lik…” he stopped and froze slightly.

He sighed and gritted his teeth at a memory that clearly pained him.

“Let’s go.” he said leaving.

Uh-oh, I sense TWAGEK backstory. (515)

Maya following feeling a little guilty from asking about his past. But now she wanted to know.

She clearly doesn’t feel that guilty if she still wants to know. (516)

OOOOO

*sports commentator voice* And it’s zeroes across the board! Ooh, tough break for EP, but not an undeserved score! (517)

Axton was getting worried about Maya as he, Zero and Salvador headed back to Sir Hammerlock. He didn’t know what to feel.

Wait, I thought you just said he was getting worried, and suddenly he doesn’t know how to feel? Make up your bloody mind! (518)

Sure he may not have known her for very long but she seemed his type

Oh, good. A love triangle. That is totally what this story needed. That is in no way completely unnecessary. [/sarcasm] (519)

and after the fact that he is now devoiced meant that he could do it.

It’s covered in Axton’s audio logs, but basically, he was married to his CO back when he was still a soldier, things didn’t work out, and she allowed him to escape his own execution.
And with a single sentence, I’ve already told a more interesting story than what we’ve been reading. (520)

But it was still a little too early to say if he did love her or not.

Yeah, especially since you’ve known each other for maybe an hour at the absolute most. (521)

As they walked through the bandit village one of the residents decided to take a shot at them. The shot landed near Salvador who quickly took cover with Axton. Zero had disappeared. The Gunzerker and Commando began to use their assault rifles at the bandit. But the sniper was too well positioned to take and damage.

“Once I kill you I’ll take your wallet!” the bandit yelled.

The bandit then got up and took aim but just them a blade found itself in his chest.

This so-called action scene is boring.

I know that comment wasn’t particularly interesting, but neither was this scene. (522)

‘So that’s what he was doing.’ Axton thought.

The bandit then fell onto the ground with an audible splat. Axton and Sal came out of cover and joined Zero who was searching the bandit for loot. After finding a couple of bucks they then continued to see Hammerlock.

As they rounded the corner to the bounty board they found Hammerlock checking out one of his sniper rifles.

Uh, excuse you! That’s Sir Hammerlock! (523)

At your service.

“Hammerlock.” Axton called. “We got the shields and the ECHO tapes.”

Congratu-fucking-lations, you’ve finished a portion of the tutorial! You want a medal? (524)

“Ahh yes jolly good show my friends” Hammerlock said as he pulled out something. “For your troubles.” he said throwing some cash to the three.

Apparently, Sir Hammerlock couldn’t be bothered to just walk over and hand them the money. (525)

The gentleman then looked at the sun as it set in the distance.

“It’s getting late. Perhaps we may retire for today.”

The three nodded and followed Hammerlock into his house. Inside was mostly empty as there was only a fireplace, locker, and a large safe.

To be fair, that is how most Pandoran homes are layout-wise. I’m sinning it anyway because, as highlighted in the intro, I am extremely petty. (526)

The Vault hunters took a seat around the fire place as Hammerlock lit it.

“Hammerlock I need to ask you something.” Axton said.

“Ok old bean.”

EP: I’ll add British-isms in every other sentence! That is most definitely how you write a British-sounding character! (527)

“Have you seen a young woman with blue hair and lips with a yellow top?”

I mean, at least there’s some level of description there, but you’re still being kinda vague, Axton. (528)

Hammerlock gave good thought to the question before answering. “Unfortunately not. Aside from the bandit’s here there only one other person. The chap’s name is Raider. He a solitude fellow but he means well. He moved in around 5 years ago not too long after the fall of New Haven. He lives out in Frostbite somewhere I do not know. All I know is that he’s ether hiding from something or escaping from something. But he may know something about your lady friend however I have no idea where his hut resides.”

Axton: Uh… thanks, but I didn’t ask about some random guy out in the wilderness. (529)

“It’s ok I was just asking.”

Hammerlock nodded as he picked up his rifle and went out hunting for some food. As soon as he left Sal moved over to Axton.

“Hey ombre do you think this Raider guy has her?” he asked

“I don’t doubt it for a second. But what concerns me is that he appeared after the New Haven massacre.”

“Why’s that?” Zero asked.

“Well when I was with the Dahl military I heard about that massacre. But what getting me was that it was planned and orchestrated by a guy from Arcadia. And Hammerlock says that this Raider guy showed up soon after the massacre? Too much of a coincidence if you ask me.”

Oh, gee. I wonder if Raider-Stu was somehow involved. I think he might have been, but the foreshadowing is just so subtle I could be way off-base.

How well does a flat, deadpan monotone of sarcasm translate to written text? (530)

Wait, is that an actual line break? Why weren’t these being used before? (531)

Maya relaxed in a recently acquired boat house. It was a shame that it didn’t go anywhere but it was getting dark and they needed a place to stay the night. So like any good Pandorian they took out a bandit camp and chose the least smelly hut.

As you do. (532)

As Raider checked his sniper rifle

Wait, now he’s actually using the term “sniper rifle”? Did I accidentally switch to a different story? (533)

Maya placed her feet on a table in front of her and relaxed. She then eyed Raider with an interested eye.

Her actual eyes, however, were quite bored. (534)

Since they left Raider’s hut he never took his skull balaclava off. Even now he didn’t even reach for it and she wondered why. Why would he keep his face hidden behind a mask.

Because he’s a tryhard? (535)

She knew what he looked like but something told her that was half of the story.

The other half was somehow even stupider. (536)

They didn’t talk for a while and that was starting to get on Maya’s nerves but then Raider began to talk.

She then quickly wished that he would shut up. (537)

“Where do you come from?” he asked.

“Athenas. A beautiful world.” she replied.

“Why’ed you leave?”

“To put it simply I had no friends, no family and the only people who looked after me where using me as a fear weapon.” She sighed and began to play with small phase lock ball between her fingers. “I killed the bastard who used me and my handler.”

“First kill?”

She just nodded. “Yeah. In all honesty it was a relief.”

“Why come to this piss hole of a planet?”

“To learn about my heritage. There are only 6 sirens at only one time and no one knows where we come from. I want to know why.”

Wait, didn’t we go over this last chapter? (538)

Raider stopped and looked at her. She noticed something in his eyes, a pain held away.

“Listen to me very carefully. The vaults are dangerous, this one especially.

Well, he’s not wrong. (539)

But I’m only taking you to Sanctuary after that you can do what you want.”

He turned back to his weapon. Now she knew he was holding something back. They didn’t talk again and fell asleep. The next day they where awoken

*searches map again*

I think this map might be out of date; I can’t find “Awoken”, either! (540)

by the sounds of explosions.

Given that it’s, well, Pandora, explosions in the distance should not be cause for alarm.
Unless they’re coming closer, of course. (541)

Quickly leaving the boathouse they saw in the distance explosions coming from a large iceberg no too far from there location.

After seeing it they quickly grabbed their equipment and ran toward it.

“Run towards the exploding thing” – Video games in a nutshell. (542)

They passed a large ice block to see a ship perched atop an ice burg. Maya looked to raider.

“It’s Flint’s ship.”

Another boring action scene coming up. I’m just gonna give it ten sins and leave it here in its entirety, because if I have to suffer through this shit, then so do you. I’m gonna go get a drink; I’ll be back when something of substance happens. (552)

Both of them drew their weapons and moved toward the ship. As they got close seven bullymogs ambushed them. They stopped and looked at the four armed snow apes. They looked at each other before drawing their weapons. Both of them charged at the apes unleashing a hail of lead. Maya took the four on the right while Raider took the three on the left.

Maya carefully lined up her pistol with the nearest bullymog and fired. The acidic bullet hit the beast in the face causing it to scream in pain. The other three came in fast but she used phaselock on the nearest one before focusing on the other two. Raider jumped on the back of the nearest ape. The beast tried to throw him off but he grabbed onto it’s main.

He placed his auto pistol to its head before firing. It’s head exploded the beast collapsed just as the other two where about to pounce on him. As he brought his gun up one of the mogs bashed it out of his hand. Cursing Raider flung himself out of the way before the mogs landed on him. As he skidded across the ice he drew a knife before running at the mogs.

Maya drew her smg and slid under a bullymong that charged at her. As soon as she reached the other side she turned onto her belly and fired at the mog. The beast screamed as the bullets hit it until the click of her weapon sounded. She quickly got up and reloaded, as she did the phaselocked disappeared around the mog. It then charged at her, as it roared Maya threw a grenade into its mouth. The beast swallowed it before being blown into pieces.

Raider moved in fast slashing at the mog’s legs. Making the first one collapse and dragging it’s self across the icy ground. He then drew a bandit shotgun and fired the beast instantly killing it. The final one then jumped on him pining him down. Maya rolled out of the way as the two bullymogs she was fighting pounced at her. Once out of the way she retrained her fire at the closest one.

The burst shots from the smg where annoying but managed to be accurate. That she was thankful for as the rounds she fired burst after burst wakening the beast before pulling out her pistol and finishing it off. The final one jumped at her but she phasedlocked it and blew it up with a grenade. Raider had been pinned by a large bullymog and the beast was trying to beat the crap out of him. He had is knife out and tried to slash at the beast but failed to anything.

Maya saw this and quickly took aim but before she could do anything.

“I’M GOING TO EAT YOUR SOUL.” someone yelled from behind her.

*pokes head back in*

Oh, finally! Something’s actually happening!

Thinking it was a Psycho she turn fast but saw someone familiar. A large bare chested Psycho came running buzzsaw in hand.

Oh hai Krieg!

The beast ran up and jumped on the mog and swung his buzzsaw at the ape’s head destroying it. The Pcycho then got of the beast as it fell.

“GET THIS THING OFF ME!” Raider yelled in a muffled voice.

Maya used phaselock on the mog corpse allowing Raider free. As he got up he was choking like hell.

pleasediepleasediepleasediePLEASEDIE!

Maya walked up and placed her hand on his shoulder with a caring look on her.

“You ok?” she asked.

“THAT FUR STINKS.” Raider said pulling his balaclava halfway up his face and breathed heavily.

Aw, damnit, he’s still alive! (553)

The unknown Psycho then walked up to the two of them.

“Pretty lady meats me again.”

Maya just smiled. “Yeah we do.”

As Raider recover she found herself kind of admiring him. Her heart beated very fast.

‘Jez what’s wrong with me?’ she thought.

You’re in an EP fic, so, approximately everything. (554)

Raider then looked at the Psycho who didn’t seem interested in attacking them.

“Thanks. Come on lets go.” he then said as he started running followed by the Siren and Psycho.

He’s just going to trust that this random Psycho whom he’s never met before will not kill him.

(555)

Chapter 2 Sin Count: 555

Sentence: Boring Action Scenes (on an infinite loop)

I really can’t think of any kind of witty banter to put here. I’m just so drained from trying to slog through that action scene.

Insert random comment about upload schedules.

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123 Comments on “1805: Maya and Raider – Chapter Two”

  1. AdmiralSakai says:

    Sure he may not have known her for very long but she seemed his type

    Oh, good. A love triangle.

    Or, knowing EP, a gangbang.

  2. AdmiralSakai says:

    and after the fact that he is now devoiced meant that he could do it.

    It’s covered in Axton’s audio logs,

    How can he have audio logs if he’s “devoiced”?

  3. SC says:

    It’s the kind of place where even the friggin’ port-a-potties are stocked with weapons!

    Interestingly enough, I keep finding sniper rifle bullets in toilets.

    This puts a worrying image in mind of a bunch of people all sitting down to take a crap on opposite ends of the world, and in doing so, playing the single most dangerous game of Russian Roulette ever conceived.

    • Delta XIII says:

      When you give it some thought, it actually makes sense to keep guns in the port-a-potty, because, well, it’s Pandora, and not having a gun within arm’s reach at all times is tantamount to suicide.
      It only really gets weird when you find bullets or grenades in the toilet bowl.

      • SC says:

        Tell that to T. K. Baha, he had a gun in his lap at all times and still got fucked over by Psychos.

        Perhaps on account of him being blind… And stuck on a prosthetic leg.

        Kind of hard to utilize the “run backwards away from the jackass with a makeshift axe while replacing his organic matter with lead” strategy with those handicaps.

  4. SC says:

    I know it’s probably meant to be talking about her wound, but this just makes it sound like she’s hungry.

    By the way, judging from the giblets I’ve exploded them into on many an occasion, Flaming Psycho makes for good eating.

    Yeah, it’s cannibalism, but that’s hardly the worst thing Pandora has to offer.

  5. SC says:

    Uh, EP, would you kindly at least mention the actual wound somewhere in there? Without that, it just sounds like her stomach painfully opens at random intervals

    Ah, the Peek-A-Boo Chestburster!

  6. AdmiralSakai says:

    “Have you seen a young woman with blue hair and lips with a yellow top?”

    Wasn’t she along with their group just a paragraph ago?

  7. SC says:

    maliwan corrosive revolver

    Meh. On the whole, Maliwan guns have just been exceedingly mediocre for me. Kind of a shame, because how you make a gun that can shoot lightning lame, I couldn’t even guess.

    However, I found a two-shot Tediore revolver that does something like two or three hundred damage a pop, and that gun has saved me from so many Badass-grade enemies kicking my jaw out through my ass, you have no idea.

    • TacoMagic says:

      The only Maliwan guns that are useful are anything with slag, and the SMGs. An appropriately-typed Maliwan plasma-caster will destroy pretty much anything’s face.

      That said, shock weapons are just pure junk. I’m not sure how they screwed that up, but there it is.

    • DasCheesenBorgir says:

      I miss Atlas :(

      I mean I guess they were kinda the most ‘boring’ of the bunch, being high quality all around and not really having many gimmicks to them, but I’ll always fondly remember that one machine gun I had which reloaded like fucking lightning compared to most other weapons in the game

  8. AdmiralSakai says:

    Her heart beated very fast.

    EP grammared very bad.

  9. SC says:

    “GET THIS THING OFF ME!” Raider yelled in a muffled voice.

    Cue me chucking a contact-detonation grenade at the currently incapacitated Raider, because he never said HOW to get said thing off of him.

  10. Delta XIII says:

    it’s hare enough keeping track of the Sin Counter.)

    Goddamnit, how did I miss that?!

  11. TacoMagic says:

    This was what I got when I Googled “borderlands 2 maliwan corrosive revolver”. It’s an exceedingly rare gun that you can only get from either a specific vendor, or as a rare drop from a very difficult raid boss.

    Nah, you can get corrosive Maliwans as a standard drop. Generally you don’t see them until around level 10 because of the way loot capping works (you’re supposed to not see them before the elemental weapons quest given by Marcus Kincaid), but you can occasionally nab a lower-leveled one with a crap part assortment (such as a Hyperion barrel or Tediore grip).

    • TacoMagic says:

      First result when I searched for “vladolf machine pistol”. I don’t know why rarer guns keep showing up, but given that this is an EP Stu we’re dealing with it seems rather fitting.

      All Vladov pistols (and all pistols in general that have the Vladov barrel) are machine pistols; and while they are on the less frequent end of the drop spectrum, I wouldn’t call them rare.

      Most likely this was supposed to be some variation of an Anarchist, which is one of the better standard loot-drop pistols you can find.

      It’s hard to call on how specific one should expect an author to be about weapons. A gun enthusiast would probably want all the gritty details, but for narrative sake most of that is unneccesarry.

      Like the difference between saying character has a Glock pistol vs. a Glock 17G4 SA 9×19.

    • Delta XIII says:

      Well, yeah, but I meant the one in particular that I linked to.

      • TacoMagic says:

        I think my issue was this one: “I don’t know why rarer guns keep showing up, but given that this is an EP Stu we’re dealing with it seems rather fitting.”

        Your Google results are based heavily on your browsing history. If you’ve been looking at rarer guns (or typically look at rarer items for any given game), you’re going to get results that favor rare items. If you turn on private mode in your browser, you’ll get a better sample of what somebody randomly searching cold will get.

        Doing that with my browser sends me to much more mundane places instead of right to the rarest guns in the game.

        It feels like a misplaced criticism because you’re essentially criticizing the fic because Google’s personalized search algorithm is front-loading rare guns for you. With a fic that has such a wealth of legitimate things wrong with it, it seemed an odd gripe.

        • Delta XIII says:

          That’s the thing, though: this is the first time I’ve made those kind of searches. I don’t generally look up how to find specific items because I’m not really the completionist type.
          I just thought it was oddly fitting that rare guns popped up in the search when I was riffing an EP fic.

          If it bothers you that much, though, I’ll use more common guns in the future.

      • TacoMagic says:

        I wouldn’t worry about it too much, I just come from a different direction when I riff something, so I tend to over-focus on things that seem odd choices to me. I’m very much in the camp of riffing what’s there vs. riffing the interpretation of what’s there.

        Herr and I often butted heads over that particular point, so it’s more a stylistic choice than anything else, I think.

        • Delta XIII says:

          That’s fair. The sin itself came more from my own amusement that rare guns popped up both times I searched, because those are exactly the kind of things that EP would equip his Stu with.

  12. TacoMagic says:

    Apparently, Sir Hammerlock couldn’t be bothered to just walk over and hand them the money.

    Sir Hammerlock is far too busy to be bothered with their bullshit. He’s got shit to do. Like fixing the bulletin board or grooming his wicked mutton chops.

    • Delta XIII says:

      And maintaining the bullymong fur on his hat. (Seriously, did anyone ever actually give it to Claptrap?)

      • TacoMagic says:

        Even when playing explosive Axton, I give the fur to Hammerlock just out of principle.

        • Delta XIII says:

          I don’t hate Claptrap as much as most people seem to, but even I can never give him the fur. It just doesn’t feel right, for some reason.

      • TacoMagic says:

        I don’t outright hate Claptrap, but I feel like they went a little over-the-top with him and made him too annoying while hoping that it would be funny; essentially they rode the joke until it died, and didn’t want to remove the saddle. Certainly he’s annoying enough that I’d never choose him over Hammerlock.

        Weirdly, Claptrap was the only character I actually liked playing in the pre-sequel, mechanics-wise.

        • Delta XIII says:

          I haven’t played The Pre-Sequel, but what I’ve read about Claptrap in that game makes me pity him on some level.
          It also makes me think that at some point, he’s gonna just completely snap from all the abuse and turn evil all over again.

        • GhostCat says:

          “The Pre-Sequel”? Is that really what they call it?

        • Delta XIII says:

          Yep. It’s basically Borderlands 1.5, or Hey, Remember All That Backstory We Alluded To In Borderlands 2?

      • SC says:

        That’s Borderlands’ schtick, Ghostie – super on-the-nose, often shamelessly crass humor. Hell, the character selection screen in Borderlands 1 has the bus driver you’re hitching a ride with (who is also the resident firearms entrepreneur of the entire planet) talking shit about each of the characters in turn. And early into Borderlands 2, the main villain makes a point of bugging you on your radio frequently, often times bragging about how he’s far more awesome than you, and that he also has a horse named Butt-Stallion, who is made of diamond and shits gemstone-encrusted guns.

  13. TacoMagic says:

    EP: I’ll add British-isms in every other sentence! That is most definitely how you write a British-sounding character!

    Don’t forget randomly spelling things the British way. Because you can totally hear that in dialogue!

  14. TacoMagic says:

    The chap’s name is Raider. He a solitude fellow but he means well.

    He’s very solitude. Also, extremely fellow. A bit chap, while I’m at it.

  15. TacoMagic says:

    “Hey ombre do you think this Raider guy has her?” he asked

    “I don’t doubt it for a second.

    This is where Axton’s direct line to the plot really comes in handy. It removes all that difficult work searching for information.

  16. Angie says:

    Hmm…this riff reminds me of a very specific YouTube channel but I can’t quite put my finger on it. *peers closer at the riff*

    *finally slams fist on desk* Markiplier! It’s Markiplier, you guys.

  17. Leider Hosen says:

    Uh, EP, would you kindly at least mention the actual wound somewhere in there? Without that, it just sounds like her stomach painfully opens at random intervals.

    In an EP Fic? I find myself completely okay with this.

  18. Leider Hosen says:

    This was what I got when I Googled “borderlands 2 maliwan corrosive revolver”. It’s an exceedingly rare gun that you can only get from either a specific vendor, or as a rare drop from a very difficult raid boss.

    *sigh* Of course it is. In-universe rarity and value means dicc, the MC always has the best shit from the first second and you can just assume he distroyd them all the bad guys offscreen.

    Like, I get it, sometimes it’s necessary for Char A to present Char B with new tools and shit to get the job done, and it can work very well. But that’s when the transaction is for the sake of moving the narrative forward NOT to fucking show off all the bullshit loot and toys pouring from the author’s anus to make his SI more sheshul.

    Looking at you EP and SSJ Lone Wolf…. and actually a lot of hack authors.

    • Leider Hosen says:

      First result when I searched for “vladolf machine pistol”.

      FFS. This is like writing a Destiny Fic, and when the MC reaches the tower for the first time Zavala gives them Fatebringer, Black Hammer, and Gjallarhorn and the full Raid set. And then they beat up some random bumblefucks and instantly get Thorn and Pocket Infinity too.

      • Leider Hosen says:

        Congratu-fucking-lations, you’ve finished a portion of the tutorial! You want a medal?

        T-TUTORIAL??? Okay. Now it’s like having a Destiny Fic where the first weapon you pick up isn’t a Khvostov 7G-02 but a Zhalo Supercell!

      • SC says:

        I actually have a bit of a soft spot for the Khvostov. Kind of bummed that it’s a crappy starter gun, so I had to inevitably change it out for something else.

      • Leider Hosen says:

        Oh yeah, Khvostov deserved better when it got upgraded to Exotic status. Honestly, if they just made it a Legendary Auto Rifle with maybe one sub-exotic perk but otherwise just excellent base stats, it would have been great.

        Still though, the comparison for this example is valid (Though looking back I would have said Necrochasm fits more since it’s a Raid weapon that requires questing to get). Khvostov is a great nostalgic weapon and reliable in the lower levels, but one’s a White Rarity 21st century weapon on its last leg, the other is a Gold Rarity Ak-47 that’s been modded to all shit so it shoots streams of lightning bolts instead of bullets and has self-replenishing ammo and builds super energy.

    • Delta XIII says:

      To be fair, those were just the specific results I got; the story is frustratingly vague about exactly what guns are being used.
      I deliberately chose to link to rare guns because it seemed like the kind of thing that EP would do, given half a chance.

  19. BatJamags says:

    Without that, it just sounds like her stomach painfully opens at random intervals.

    Death to Videodrome! Long live the New Flesh!

  20. BatJamags says:

    Paying no attention to him Maya released a few rounds from the smg at the cans.

    I really hope the entire fic gets knocked into next week. Or possibly clear out of the current calendar year.

  21. BatJamags says:

    Oh, and let’s just get this out of the way:

  22. BatJamags says:

    Uh-oh, I sense TWAGEK backstory.

    This calls for Bee Gees (likely because everything calls for Bee Gees, but I digress).

  23. BatJamags says:

    devoiced

    *SNERK*

    Nyah, he’s devoiced, see? He and da missus ain’t so friendly anymore, y’understand?

  24. BatJamags says:

    “Well when I was with the Dahl military I heard about that massacre. But what getting me was that it was planned and orchestrated by a guy from Arcadia. And Hammerlock says that this Raider guy showed up soon after the massacre? Too much of a coincidence if you ask me.”

    Yeah, he… “showed up” after a massacre happened somewhere else? No way that could be a coincidence!

    I mean, the audience knows that he’s from Arcadia and someone from Arcadia caused the massacre, but the characters don’t. That’s metagaming right there.

  25. BatJamags says:

    Maya placed her feet on a table in front of her and relaxed. She then eyed Raider with an interested eye.

    Crunchy! Can you at least make an effort to keep your eye collection out of the fics?

  26. BatJamags says:

    Because he’s a tryhard?

    Tryhard
    Tryhard 2: Try Harder
    Tryhard with a Vengeance
    A Good Day to Tryhard
    Live Free or Tryhard

    Directed by EclipsePheniox.

  27. BatJamags says:

    The next day they where awoken

    where doing it man

    where MAKING THIS HAPPEN

  28. BatJamags says:

    He then drew a bandit shotgun and fired the beast instantly killing it.

    You’re-

    *ERROR: WEEKLY TRUMP JOKE QUOTA REACHED*

    Dammit, who set that back to zero again?

  29. BatJamags says:

    As Raider recover she found herself kind of admiring him. Her heart beated very fast.

    Developing a romance: this is really not how you do it.

  30. BatJamags says:

    Thinking it was a Psycho she turn fast but saw someone familiar.

  31. Delta XIII says:

    Guys. I just read through the reviews for this story.
    Out of 22, all but two of them were positive. And even one of the negative ones was just a suggestion to get a beta reader.

    God is dead.


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