1802: The Shadow Warriors – Chapter ThreePosted: June 29, 2017
Title: The Shadow Warriors
Author: Shadow knight1121
Topic: Justice League
URL: Chapter Three
Critiqued by BatJamags (GoodJamags)
Shadow Kill count: 4
[NOTE: This riff used to have a guest riffer. She ended up being boring and not showing up again, so if any of this sounds like it was written as two-person dialogue, that’s why. I’ve tried to clean it all up, though.]
Hello once again, patrons! I’m your guest host, GoodJamags, and your usual guest host is still tied up in the basement-
Muffled Voice: Fuck you!
Anyway, last time on the Shadow Warriors, Edgelord, Generic Female Unit #1, and The Other Jason fought Two-Face, and killed him. Luckily, it turned out not to be Two-Face, but Clayface! So, they fought Clayface in an epic battle, the sheer scale and tension of which would make Dakari-King Mykan proud.
Then, the requisite Deus ex Machina came in the form of Sam Motherfuckin’ Jackson, who was all like “Enough is enough! I have had it with these motherfuckin’ supervillains in this motherfuckin’ town!” Then, he battled Clayface with his purple lightsaber, did the Pulp Fiction speech, and then recruited Edgelord, GFU1, and TOJ to the Avengers Initiative.
And got eaten by a raptor or something. While advertising the Capital One Venture Card. What’s in your wallet?
Chapter 3: More Members
Muffled Voice: Bow chicka bow wow!
Authors Note: Okay thank you once again to all my faithful reviewers and letting me use your OC’s it has been fun.
Oh wow. That whole one chapter, he got to awkwardly introduce someone else’s OC. Good times, man. Good times.
I think I am going to add two more OC’s to this chapter maybe three but no promises.
Wait, wouldn’t it make more sense to write the author’s note after you’ve finished the chapter? Or at least start the chapter with an idea of exactly what’s going to happen?
If I don’t write your oc in the right way please let me know.
Given how vague the last profile was, I don’t think there’s any way to determine what the people submitting these OCs have in mind. Besides, if they’re submitting OCs to the author, there’s going to be an understanding that he can do what he wants with them.
Ok let’s get started then shall we.
Actually, I think we’ll just sit around and have a chapter-long author’s note! It’s probably better than your actual writing, at least.
Disclaimer: I do not own Batman just my oc’s Shadow, Dusk and Breeze the rest well they know who owns them.
Disclaimers still serve no legal purpose. This is just stating the obvious. And by the end of this chapter, there will be three reviewer-submitted OCs. It’s not that hard to keep track of who submitted what.
Jayden, Ally and Jason were currently sitting in the living room of their penthouse watching Sam eating Thai food. He had eaten almost every plate they had ordered for him and he showed no sign of stopping. He was currently eating a dish called Kaeng phet pet yang which meant roast duck in red curry as he looked at the three confused.
So… is that a real dish or just Google Translate? And why is the author being so weirdly specific about what he’s eating?
And I should probably be paying attention to this hilarious scene which is funny because he’s eating a lot.
“What?” He asked with a mouthful of duck. “I’m hungry?”
See how not-overused this joke is?
“Yeah but, dude you ate like six plates of this stuff aren’t you full yet?” Jason asked.
You know what else is funny?
Explaining the joke. It’s as funny as dissecting a frog.
Nobody laughs, and the frog dies.
See, it’s funny because it’s saying that when you explain the joke, the joke dies, just like the frog.
“I’m satisfied but I’m far from full this gourmet curry is the best,” He said with glee. “I mean I like the over the counter family restaurant stuff but man this is the best I’ve ever had.”
I don’t care. Probably because it’s not funny.
“Right so you were telling us about yourself.” Jayden asked.
“Oh right, well I come from a broken home you know the type drunk parents who hate everything in the world including their own son,” He said as he saw a faint expression of understanding across Ally and Jason’s face. “Well, anyways they kicked me out when I was a boy and then from there I was sent to a crappy orphanage were they beat the crap out of me because of my gift for setting stuff on fire. Not on purpose of course but you get the idea they didn’t see a child they saw a freak. So of course I ran away again. I hid in the sewers because I had heard that some men in suits were looking for me and I didn’t want to end up some experiment.”
I lost count of all the clichés.
His face dropped a little as he set his fork down in his empty bowl. Ally leaned over and placed his hand on his and he looked up at her smiling face which seemed to calm him down.
Generic Female Unit #1: I am caring, emotional, and nurturing, like all Generic Female Units.
Eh, at least she’s not really being objectified sexually. That’s another reason I’d been under the impression that this was written by a kid: his power fantasy involves a woman whose traits seem more… motherly than hypersexualized. He doesn’t seem to have been hit with the hormones just yet. Maybe when he talked about “work” killing him, he meant schoolwork. Or maybe we’re just dealing with a badfic author who’s just not as much of a pig for once.
“Anyways, while I was hiding I had encountered a whole bunch of people who had some kind of power and we immediately became a family.
I’d buy that in the Marvel Universe, where mutants are pretty common. In DC, most people get their powers from some specific incident, so the chances of what sounds like at least four or five people, all with superpowers and all around the same age, just running into each other on the street seems pretty slim.
We would go out and steal some snacks here and there or beat up a few robbers they were great times.” He said with a smile.
You have power over one of the primal forces of nature and you used it to steal snacks. In your position, I’d go see about those men in suits.
I mean, the government is stupid and inefficient, but they’re mostly not evil. They’d probably run some standard medical tests to try to determine the source of his powers, and then offer him a job as a government agent. Whether he’d be allowed to refuse, I’m not certain, since we’re talking about an improbable hypothetical.
“But, then one day a whole team of mercs came in and started dragging people away.”
In the middle of the city? Without being stopped by the police?
He mumbled as Ally felt him trembling. “They came in with tranquilizers, stun guns, nets and other kidnapping crap.
“Kidnapping crap?” So does the crap get kidnapped, or do they do the kidnapping?
They dragged them off one by one not caring if they were boy, girl, man, woman, young or elderly they just didn’t care.
Presumably, they were there for the ones with powers, right? So they would have to be discerning in that regard, at least.
And Metahumans don’t tend to go down easily. Even untrained superpowered people can usually still put up a good fight.
As of course you imagined I vowed revenge but my power alone couldn’t do it.”
For some reason.
That’s when Jayden had a look of realization.
Edgelord: You’re not the real Sam Motherfuckin’ Jackson!
“Those gauntlets,” He exclaimed. “I knew they looked familiar those were the gauntlets of Vulcan the ones Wayne was gonna use for some type of new weapon. It was all over the news.”
Wayne Enterprises does not build weapons. Period. And how did Bruce get the gauntlets, anyway?
“Exactly, so we broke in on opening night and took them only it wasn’t that easy.” He mumbled again looking guilty. “My friends got caught and some got killed when we stole them but they told me to keep going so I did.
and then Legolas said”why they did it to you not me”and then the Orcs came and said”because she got a power and she can distoy us all the bad guys”.
When I was sure I had lost them I slipped on the gauntlets and then the markings and jewels started glowing and pumped fire in my veins.
Why bother waiting to put them on? If you’ve just gained a new advantage, you better put it into play while it’s still useful. There’s keeping some trump cards in reserve, and then there’s handicapping yourself for no reason.
Seriously I was immune to fire and I never knew what burning felt like but damn that burned like hell. Afterwards I had passed out and I was in some sort of dream where Vulcan had dubbed me worthy of being the new demigod and as the new demigod I have to ensure that peace goes on and evil is put in its place. So after a few years of training Vulcan told me that I needed proper guidance and his voice led me here so…yeah that’s about it.”
This is the most boring exposition I’ve seen in a while, and I just got done riffing Love & Bullets.
The three sat there trying to understand everything this boy had just said. From the sound of it he lived a pretty harsh life but hey who hasn’t it’s that brutality that makes them strong it made them what they are.
Or it could be traumatic and mentally scarring. The kid could need professional help, for all you know. I’m not saying that everybody who’s gone through trauma’s going to have mental health issues, but damn, at least show a little concern.
“Well if your Demigod asked you to help us we’ll take it.” Jayden said. “Welcome to the Shadow Warriors.”
And I love how Edgelord just buys the story and gives him full access to everyone’s secret identities and hideouts. This guy could easily be Batman in disguise.
So the guy’s name is Shadow, he considers himself a warrior, and he calls his team the Shadow Warriors. Ego, much? It’s like if Superman was part of a team called the Superfriends.
“Thanks I promise I won’t let you guys down.” Sam said.
That’s a dangerous promise to make. When you do let them down, they’ll be doubly disappointed.
After dinner Ally showed Sam to his room while Jayden looked at the blacklisted candidates for the Justice League.
This still makes no sense. He’ll take literally anyone who was denied entrance to the Justice League? Does that include villains, killers, and non-powered civilians who couldn’t keep up? What is the nature of this blacklist?
They each had a small red beacon on their files that showed that they were in town but the question was where?
I don’t think you know what a beacon is. If it doesn’t tell you where they are (or train you to fight monsters), it’s not a very good beacon, is it?
He let out a sigh of frustration and walked over to his room and went to bed himself.
That scene added a lot to the story.
About 59 words, by my count.
The next morning Jayden and Ally went to work at his company which he named Warney Tech Industries providing for a safer tomorrow as the logo said.
Ow. You call that a sentence? Because I call it a mess.
He used all his money his father left for him and used it to start up his company. He started off small making safety devices for weapons and security systems but went big with cars, bikes, jets and other inventions.
So, by “went big” you mean that his products were literally physically larger?
Next to Bruce Wayne he’s the richest most powerful man on the planet.
No. Generally, Bruce himself is second to Lex Luthor, so you fail on that level, and there’s also the fact that I refuse to believe this random idiot is Bruce Wayne-level rich.
Of course he would be nothing without his dear Alexandra, but then again Bruce Wayne and his entire company would be nothing without Lucius Fox.
Wait, so his bad guy-punching girlfriend is also running this business that we’re supposed to believe is the biggest thing ever?
Jayden sat at his redwood desk
You realize that Redwoods are endangered, right?
in his comfy leather chair as his phone started to ring. He casually pressed the button on his phone for the speaker phone.
So… Is he working, or is he just sitting in his fancy office waiting for phone calls?
“Yes Ally?” He asked.
“Bruce Wayne is on the phone, are you available?” She asked.
And the Lucius Fox comparison gets less relevant. Lucius Fox is Wayne Enterprises’ CEO, not Bruce Wayne’s secretary.
So… The only female character in this story so far is the main character’s love interest and secretary? Brilliant. Just brilliant.
“Bruce, why the hell would he call me?” Jayden whispered to himself. “Um, yeah sure.”
I don’t know. Why would one businessman want to call another businessman? Could he possibly wish to conduct some sort of… what’s the word… business?
He then turned off his speakerphone and picked up his earpiece and clicked it on.
“Bruce?” Jayden asked.
“Expecting Batman?” He asked sarcastically.
“Hey, you never know.” Jayden joked. “Anyways what’s up?”
So… are we supposed to think it’s funny that he’s talking about Batman, or does the author just think he’s being cute?
“I’m actually here to talk to you about a lost relic of mine perhaps you’ve heard of them. The Gauntlets of Vulcan.” Bruce asked in his slick tone.
Why would Bruce want to talk to Edgelord about this?
Jayden’s blood froze at what he had just said. ‘How the hell could he know about Gauntlet?’ he thought.
Maybe it’s because the Gauntlets of Vulcan were Bruce’s property, and he’d like them back?
Pretty sure Batman is on the fast track to being our resident Awesome McEvil. Which is really weird.
“Yeah, didn’t you lose them at some auction or something?” Jayden asked in false curiosity.
We know he knows the answer to his question, so you don’t have to specify that the curiosity is false, unless it’s evident in his tone. Since Bruce doesn’t seem to catch on, it’s safe to say that it isn’t.
“No, they were stolen from my museum,” He grounded out. “Some hoodlums came in and stole them and a few private guards who I didn’t know killed some of them but one of them got away with the gauntlets.”
He didn’t know the guards in charge of his own loot? That’s just asking for a disaster.
And he got one. Just look at what we’re reading!
“Tough luck,” Jayden deadpanned. “And what does this have to do with me?”
That’s what we want to know!
“Well as you must know your bank was robbed last night by Clayface and almost got away when Shadow and his team arrived at the scene but they weren’t the only ones there. A young man was also there and he was shooting fifty foot flames from his hands only they weren’t from his hands they were from a pair of gloves.”
And what is the point of expressing this information to Edgelord?
“How do you know, were you there last night?” Jayden snapped worriedly when in fact he was really angry at Bruce’s unknown information.
We can infer that from the fact that he’s snapping worriedly. And presumably, Edgelord, it’s all over the news.
“Jayden, it’s all over the news,” Bruce said in a deadpanned tone.
“Deadpanned tone?” Really?
“There footage of it all over the place, anyways I had Fox look into it and they match the same as the gauntlets that were stolen from me two years ago?”
That’s not a question.
Bruce finished explaining as the phone went silent for a few minutes. Jayden eagerly tapped his finger against his desk as the silence continued.
“And?” He snapped.
Somebody’s in a bad mood.
“And I want to know where they are they are after all my property.” Bruce said.
Please start using punctuation.
“First of all I have no idea, second if you recall there were a lot of scholars who hated the fact that playboy billionaire Bruce Wayne was buying a priceless artifact as if he were shopping for a new suit and third how the hell would I know?”
The earlier conversations about this sounded like his company bought the Gauntlets.
And it still doesn’t explain why he’s talking to Edgelord.
“Because I know you,” Bruce said with superiority.
When Garfield Effect does this, it’s funny. When a serious fic does it, it’s depressing.
Wait, do Bruce and Edgelord know who each other is? Would be nice if the author could clear that up.
Jayden started gritting his teeth as he could practically see the bastard grinning on the other line.
Which is odd, because he should only be calling Edgelord on one line.
“I know you want to try and upstage me but, I’m telling you this as a friend, please give me the gauntlets back. I know they are dangerous but that’s why I bought them I wanted to keep them out of enemy hands”
And now they’re in (on) the hands of a murderous Samuel L. Jackson impersonator.
Well, there’s a sentence I didn’t expect to say.
“Believe it or not I’m actually looking at the contract in which you used to buy the gauntlets.” Jayden said. “And they said you were planning on making weapons out of them.”
“They were lies Jayden.” Bruce growled.
If it’s in a contract, then it’s at least his official stated intention. Sure, people can plan to breach contracts, but usually at that point it’s not worth making the contract in the first place.
And why would the reason for his wanting to use them be in the contract? Contracts are all:
“You want this?”
“Yeah, I want it.”
“OK, gimme the money.”
“Here you go.”
“And here’s your whatever-ma-hoozit.”
“Well, whatever the case is I don’t have them so on behalf of Warney-Tech I bid you farewell.” Jayden snapped sarcastically.
So… do they not know each other’s identities?
“Ja-Call disconnected.” The line went dead as Bruce sat in his office chair.
Gah! POV whiplash!
“He didn’t listen did he?” Barbra asked.
Still not spelled right.
“No, dammit those Gauntlets are unstable in Jackson’s hands.” Bruce grunted. “If Shadow doesn’t do something then I’m gonna have too.”
Why not just go deal with the matter yourself?
“Want me to go talk to him?” Barbra asked.
“No,” Bruce said as he got up and opened a hidden bookcase revealing his Bat suit. “I’ll try again tonight.”
Seriously, these people keep their costumes in the weirdest places.
And with that, I’m going to have to cut this off, because this chapter is long.