1796: The Shadow Warriors – Chapter Two, Part TwoPosted: June 22, 2017
Title: The Shadow Warriors
Author: Shadow knight1121
Topic: Justice League
URL: Chapter 2
Critiqued by BatJamags (GoodJamags and BadJamags)
Shadow Kill count: 3
Hello once again, patrons! I’m your guest host, GoodJamags, and we’re back with more of the Shadow Warriors.
Last time, we got a taste of how truly incompetent these “heroes” are. This time won’t be much different.
“Clayface?” Dusk asked. “I thought he was in Arkham?”
Dun dun dun!
What is the point of Clayface impersonating Two-Face?
Shadow Kill count: 2
Actually, no. If that Two-Face had been real, he would be dead. So, Shadow tried to kill him.
Shadow Kill count: 3
And for that matter, let’s throw Damien on there.
Shadow Kill count: 4
“He must have done that clone double again,” Breeze said. “He has always been a good actor.”
“I did think it was strange that Two-Face wasn’t playing with his coin.” Shadow commented casually as Clayface’s monstrous form towered over him.
“That lunatic wouldn’t let me have it,” He said in a gravelly voice. “He said ‘It would upset the equilibrium of his judgment’ he hired me to trick you and kill the Bat.”
Couldn’t Clayface just get his own coin? And why can’t Two-Face do this himself?
And most importantly, why isn’t Clayface killing them yet?!
“Yeah, well he’s not here so I’ll give you one chance to walk your ugly ass out of here and back to Arkham.” Shadow grunted.
Yeah, I’m sure he’ll take you up on that.
The cops outside were tending to the hostages and ordering SWAT teams to go in. Just before they could enter Shadow was sent crashing through the walls of the bank and onto the ground. He staggered to his feet but then fell back down when Breeze and Dusk crashed down on him.
Clayface has good aim.
“I think he took the latter of the two choices Shadow.” Dusk grunted as he got up.
You didn’t give him two choices.
“Yeah no shit.” Shadow said as Breeze got off him. “Damn your heavy.”
“What was that?” Breeze snapped.
So… Is Breeze just going to be the Generic Female for the group? Because so far she’s:
One: Been the main character’s girlfriend
Two: Been all caring and nurturing and stuff
Three: Been self-conscious about her weight
“Nothing.” Shadow quipped.
Seriously, don’t start with the Stupard-quips.
Clayface then stomped out of the bank leaving trails of mud behind with every step. He let out a dark chuckle as his left hand turned into a sledge hammer and his right hand into a cleaver.
“You little punks can’t stop me,” His gravelly voice roared. “I’m invincible.”
You are objectively not invincible, considering that Batman has defeated you in the past.
The three stood their ground and drew their respective weapons. Breeze drew her fighting staff, Dusk pulled out his tonfa’s and Shadow pulled his black sword out from his scabbard.
Shadow already had his sword out!
“Nothing is invincible.” Shadow said in a dark voice.
Actually, Batman is invincible. This is a scientifically proven fact.
The three then broke off and attacked Clayface.
Broke off what? What does that mean?
Breeze took off to the left, Dusk took the right and Shadow charged right down the middle. Shadow jumped at Clayface with his sword held high but was easily swatted away by his sledge hammer fist.
Yeah, swords aren’t gonna do much against a dude made out of mud.
Dusk took the opportunity to attack and jammed his tonfa’s into Clayface’s muddy neck. Dusk pushed a button on the handle and injected something into his body. He was also swatted away like a fly by Clayface and Breeze took this opportunity to attack. She twirled her staff around and pointed the end at him. The end opened up and she fired multiple darts at him. They scattered all over his body and he sucked them all up.
I haven’t seen action scenes this intense since My Little Unicorn. And now Clayface just has these random unknown darts sitting in his body rather than just pushing them out. Great strategy there, General.
“Did you really think that would stop me?” He growled as he fired a blast of mud at her.
Obviously, they’re trying to inject him with some Clayface-stopping-juice, so yeah. It will.
She quickly got out of the way and dodged the muddy attack. Shadow then jumped him from behind and stuck a mine to his head. The three then took their previous stance in front of Clayface.
“Great attack,” Clayface growled. “You did nothing but piss me off!”
He raised his arms ready to attack when he noticed the three of them each had a detonator. The three grinned as Clayface started to freak out as they each pressed their buttons. Explosions erupted inside of Clayface as he started to turn blue and freeze in where he stood. The three let out a sigh of relief as they defeated the mud man.
Much shock. Very surprise. So wow.
“Whew, that was…actually that was pretty easy.” Shadow gloated. “Good teamwork guys.”
Don’t say that, man. You know it’s just going to make the author drag out this poorly written fight scene!
“Yeah that was,” Breeze was cut off as she pushed Shadow out of the way of an oncoming mud spike. “What the hell?”
The three looked up to see that Clayface was still moving but now covered in ice shards.
So, he’s frozen but also not frozen?
“It’ll take more than that to take me down.” He roared.
Clayface: You’ll need a unicycle, two clown noses, water from a Jacuzzi, twenty-seven paperclips, and an iguanodon cookie.
“Dammit, looks like I have no choice.” Jayden said as he stood up and closed his eyes. His veins glowed red as he opened his eyes again.
Edgelord: Don’t make me angry. You wouldn’t like me when I’m angry.
As a sidenote, it bothers me that he’s referred to as Jayden here. When I write for this fandom, when characters are in-costume, I use their costumed name. When they’re out-of-costume, I use their real name. Just for consistency’s sake.
He looked around and saw a dumpster and rushed over to pick it up.
Is he using Venom? Because if so, that’s stupid. I’ll withhold my rant until I find out one way or the other, but basically, Venom is a drug that makes you strong. It’s rather addictive, and even Bane, the guy who’s usually associated with it, went out of his way to stop using it after a couple appearances.
He grabbed the bottom of the dumpster and picked it up over his head and hurled it at Clayface. Thanks to the nitrogen bombs they made Clayface harder and venerable to physical attacks. The dumpster hit him and he fell back onto the ground.
The improvised weapon made a sickening metallic crash as it struck Clayface in the head, sending him hurtling directly into the asphalt.
Just a sample of what a non-boring fight scene reads like.
Clayface threw the dumpster to the side and got to his feet. He then formed his right fist into a spike ball and slowly crept towards them
Why go slowly? What is even the point?
when something had hit Clayface right in the head and exploded all over the place.
Oh, it’s so that he can be hit by the thing.
“What the hell was that?” Dusk asked as the three looked over to where the shot was fired.
That’s not shots fired. You know what shots fired is?
Shadow’s priorities are worse than this fic’s writing.
That’s shots fired.
There stood a young man wearing a red hoodie, black jeans a pair of leather boots and black motorcycle goggles.
Oh, for the love of…
This is one of the reader-submitted OCs, isn’t it?
His most unusual feature was a pair of medieval knight gauntlets with a silver body and gold rims. The palms of his hands had a circle in the center of each hand with small gems around the wrists. He aimed a magnum at Clayface and his gauntlet patterns started to glow orange as he fired another round. It hit Clayface in the chest and blew up upon impact. Clayface stumbled into the middle of the streets and started melting.
So this guy has gauntlets that make his guns superpowered? I mean, there are dumber ideas for superheroes, but come on.
The three looked over at the young man as he holstered his gun and pointed his hands at Clayface. The circles in his hands started to glow orange as fire slowly manifested in front of his palms. He thrust his hands out and fired two streams of fire at the mud monster. Clayface started melting as the boy let out a few short breathes.
Clayface is made of liquid, moron. That’s why he always gets taken out by freezing: Melting him won’t do you any good. Oh, and I almost forgot:
Clayface was reduced to a muddy puddle as Shadow took this opportunity to attack. His veins went from red to blue as he fired two burst of ice streams at him.
How many Stuperpowers does this guy have?
He let out a scream of pain as he formed a hand dramatically reaching out to the sky before freezing him to the ground.
OK, that’s pretty awesome. A shame that the narration calls it out as dramatic rather than letting the audience make that assessment based on the fact that it’s, y’know, dramatic.
“Bit over the top even for you ay Karlo?” Dusk asked sarcastically.
That’s not sarcasm.
The three looked over at the fire bender as he turned to them and grinned.
Did this just turn into an Avatar: The Last Airbender crossover? Because I saw, like, three episodes of that. A few years ago. I am not remotely prepared to deal with that canon.
“It’s about time I found you!” He exclaimed as he rushed over to the three.
“Um…who the hell are you?” Shadow asked.
?: I’m Batman.
“So sorry didn’t mean to be rude, my names Gauntlet,”
Gauntlet: My name needs to be in bold, due to reasons, and possibly BLUE.
Frank Miller, eat your heart out.
He said as he extended a hand out. The three backed away cautiously as Gauntlet looked at them confused as he looked between them and his hand. “Oh, don’t worry you won’t get burned unless I demand it.”
Gauntlet: I DEMAND that you BURN, mortal!
“Okay, um what do you mean by you found us?” Shadow asked as he motioned to Breeze.
I don’t know about you, but I’m pretty sure he means that he found you.
“I mean I’ve been looking for you for a week,” He explained. “You see I kind of been told to well…can I join you guys?”
Why would you join these losers?
The three looked at the boy with wide eyes as they tried to comprehend what he had just asked. He wanted to join their group. They were just a bunch of young punks taking their revenge on the world. Why would he want to join them, in fact how did he even know about them?
I know, right? And now they’re “taking their revenge on the world?” Give me a break.
“I’ve never seen you before in town,” Shadow started. “Who told you about us?”
Gauntlet rubbed the back of his head and let out a light chuckle as he looked up at Jayden.
Gauntlet: Your mom. See? I’m as edgy and cool as you are!
“Well, here’s the thing,” He started. “You see these gauntlets used to belong to Vulcan the roman god of volcanoes.
How about you pay attention in Mythology class next time, author. Because I’m pretty sure that Vulcan is the god of logic the forge. I may be thinking Hephaestus, though, so correct me if there’s a difference. The two are pretty much equivalents, though.
Anyways, when he died he transferred his powers into these gauntlets along with his form.
Vulcan died? That’s news to me.
Muffled Voice: The Romulans blew it up in the reboot movie!
JUST SHUT UP!
He told me that I was a bloodline
He said that you are a bloodline? That’s impressive. Tell me, how do you, a single individual, manage to be an entire genetic lineage?
The author’s just throwing words out there without knowing what they mean, isn’t he?
and was worthy of his power and named me the new demigod of fire,
That’s not how demigods work.
but in order to keep this power I need to use this power for peace not destruction. His voice led me here and told me to find the warrior known as Shadow. I take it from your dark attire that you’re Shadow and well…yeah that’s pretty much it I was hoping you would let me join.”
There are a lot of people in Gotham wearing dark colors. Heck, there are probably a lot of people there calling themselves “Shadow.”
And please stop calling him a warrior. It’s not nearly as cool as you think it is.
“Breeze.” Shadow barked.
Shadow is now a dog, and BadJamags isn’t here to tell me otherwise.
On cue Breeze pulled out her portable computer and a holographic screen came up scrolling through multiple files. She nodded a few times and pulled down her screen.
That is the vaguest description of computer-things ever.
And please stop using the word “multiple.” It really doesn’t add anything to your story.
“It’s all true,” She said. “His powers, his gauntlets even the whole demigod thing, but get this. The file we have on him came off the blacklist from the Justice League.”
So the Justice League just blacklists superheroes? That’s… interesting.
“The Justice League!” Shadow, Dusk and Gauntlet shouted. “You hacked into their files off a small portable computer?”
No, she didn’t. I’m guessing that the JL is going to actually put this list out rather than just sitting on it, because otherwise they wouldn’t need a list like that.
“Of course I’m the best!” She gloated.
Or she hacked into the Justice League’s systems. Which is stupid. Because the Justice League’s systems would’ve been programmed by Oracle (the character, not the company), and Oracle is, in fact, the best.
Finally, correct me if I’m wrong, but I don’t believe the size of the computer has anything to do with its hacking mojo. I guess bigger computers have more computer-bits to do more computer-stuff, but I think you can hack from a cell phone, so I’m not sure if that’s important.
“According to the list he really burned the hell out of most of his victims placing them in comas. Most of them came out mumbling and twitching twenty four seven and others…didn’t come out at all.”
Well, this guy’s pretty evil.
The group remained silent as they looked at the kid.
“Look, I didn’t mean it alright. It was an accident.” He said.
This sounds like a repeated incident.
“Files said you did it on purpose.” Breeze quipped.
“Alright, but they were terrorist, killers fucking kidnappers they wanted to take me away and experiment on me make more fire troops.” He snapped.
Slow down there, sparky. Are they terrorists, killers, or kidnappers? Because it sounds like they were just kidnappers.
Muffled Voice: Didn’t you read it? It said that they were killers who were fucking kidnappers!
Don’t make me come down there!
Muffled Voice: Bow chicka bow wow!
Give me a second.
There we go. He shouldn’t bother us again.
They all remained silent as Shadow turned over to Breeze and she pulled up the file again.
“Yeah, they were some shady sort,” She said. “Mercenaries, scientist you name it they were sick and twisted.”
Oh, yeah. Those scientists. They’re real evil.
“Okay, so what’s your real name kid?” Shadow asked.
So… you’re just going to let it slide because the guys he brutally murdered kinda-sorta had it coming?
“Sam Jackson.” He said as the two shook hands.
Wow. Nice job with the name.
“I’m Jayden known as Shadow, she’s Breeze known as Alexandra or Ally and that’s Dusk known as Jason. Welcome I guess.”
So you’re just telling this guy you don’t know all of your secret identities? Real smart.
“Really thanks I promise I won’t let you down.” He said as Dusk led him to his bike. Shadow went to follow him when Breeze stopped him.
“What is it?” He asked.
“He wasn’t the only one on the list I got a few more and they each have an indicator that shows that they are in town.” Breeze explained.
Well, it wouldn’t be a list if there was only one guy, right?
Shadow soaked in what she said as he grinned underneath his mask. If they were all blacklisted by the Justice League then that means they don’t want them and if they don’t want them Shadow does.
What if the Justice League didn’t want them because they were freaking psychotic? Or what if they just suck and are more likely to get themselves or civilians hurt than do any good? Or is Shadow supposed to be a bad guy? And why does Shadow hate the Justice League so much that he’ll take anyone they won’t?
“Breeze my dear, I think it’s time for a little recruitment drive.” Shadow smirked.
Roll credits! *Ding!*
And there we go ya Happy Daniel your character Gauntlet. There you asked and asked and now he’s up. NOW LEAVE ME ALONE!
If he’s bugging you that much, don’t use his character.
Sorry, sorry, sorry just a little stressed out I wanted to get this out earlier but work has been kicking my ass.
Oh, for the love of god. I thought that this was just a kid writing over-the-top edgelordy stuff, but if this guy is old enough to be holding down a job, that’s another story. There’s really no excuse for the prose to be this sloppy and the concepts to be this immature from someone who’s actually gotten past high school. I mean, maybe I’m overestimating high schools here, but come on!
That or he’s talking about schoolwork and just said work to sound mature.
Okay a quick bio.
Name: Sam Jackson A.K.A Gauntlet
*Snerk* That’s still awesome.
Power:Can summon fire and encase himself in fire at times. Is impervious to it and can absorb fire to increase his attack power and such. Also uses a magnum and a chain whip as a conductor for his powers.
A chain whip? That sounds like the least practical possible weapon.
Dark Past: Childhood with Drunk parents, ran away with Girlfriend, sacrificed his one true friend, and getting picked on at the Orphan home.
Wow. That was like, all of the clichés crammed into one sentence.
Like I said small portion more will be explained next chapter everyone thank Daniel Wilks this was his character but not the only one more will be introduced later. Thanks again Danny Boy hope I wrote him right. Please read and review.
I’m going to thank Daniel Wilks for giving his character such an awesome name.
I liked to thank everyone for your support and oc ideas they are really good and I have enough male oc’s but can I get a few girl oc’s the only girls I have on my team are my oc Breeze and Tonycakes Oc sarina. just a little help kay thanks bye.
Or you could, you know, put some creative effort into your work, but I guess that would be, like, hard and stuff.
Alright, let’s work on some character nicknames here.
Edgelord – Shadow/Jayden Warney
Generic Female Unit #1 – Breeze/“Ally”
The Other Jason – Dusk/Jason ?
Sam Motherfuckin’ Jackson – Gauntlet/Sam Jackson
Right, that’ll do. Anyway, I’ve got to go untie BadJamags before he hurts himself. See ya!
Shadow Kill count: 4