1793: Betrayal – Chapter ThreePosted: June 19, 2017
Koori: Hello everyone! Miss Lyle is at work today – and tomorrow for that matter – in order to get a five-day weekend that starts on Friday, we will be handling the riff today.
Lina: A five-day weekend would just be a week off, there, Perky.
Koori: Not listening! So last time on this piece of crap, there was a confrontation of sorts between Sakura and a bunch of ANBU that aren’t actually ANBU. Bascially, the author just name-dropped enough of the main characters to try to appear as if she’s actually seen the show or read the manga. By the end of the chapter, Sakura summoned something.
Lina: Don’t forget about the copious author’s notes scattered throughout this thing, too. Those have been as much fun as pulling teeth.
darksakudragon:I don’t give a damn care if no one reviews this!
Lina: Keep telling yourself that, poppet. One day you might believe it.
Sakura sweatdrop:erm…and why is that so?
Koori: Because no one wants to review something so hideous?
Akira yawning:Because she wants to finish this fucking story
Lina: Then why post it it all? If all she cares about is finishing it, then she should finish it in the comfort of her own word processor and not bugger us with it.
darksakudragon:Hrmph!Anywaes…since noone wants to actually review it!They wont receive any cookies from me!
Lina: She’s got that right. I’d rather eat someone Gumdrop made when he’s experimenting than anything this author has to offer.
darksakudragon continues ranting
Sakura sighs and turns around
Koori: It’s bad when the people in your head are so bored they fall asleep.
Lina: *gently snoring with her head on the desk*
Sakura sweatdrop:Erm…darksakudragon does not own Naruto but she does own my demon…
Amon: Demons are owned by no one. We merely contract to serve a master for a finite amount of time; usually until they die or we kill them.
*Lina and Koori stare at the mostly-naked man standing in the room with them. His hair is silvery-blonde with a few garish streaks of red and black, his eyes completely black, lacking the whites of the sclera. His features are inhumanly perfect with a body to match. He wears only a short linen kilt and a leather choker*
Lina: *whispering* Helloooo, nurse.
Koori: Who the hell are you and how did you get in here? *turns to Lina* And keep it in your pants; you’re married.
Lina: I’m married, not dead.
Koori: *incredulous glare*
Lina: Undead isn’t dead. It’s just… mostly sort of dead but not.
Amon: *clears his throat* I am Amontept, but you may call me Amon. Do you, perchance, have another chair?
*Lina and Koori point silently at Lyle’s empty chair*
Amon: Lovely. May I sit?
*Lina and Koori nod in unison*
Lina: *leans her elbow casually on the desk, chin propped on her fist* So…, and I know I speak for both Perky and myself, what exactly are you and why exactly are you here? Not that me mind, of course. *let’s her eyes linger on his pecs*
Amon: I am an Aberration – a human-turned-demon. A Miss… *pulls a slip of paper out from a pocket in his kilt* Lyle requested my presence at this establishment in order to give my professional opinion on things… *squints at the paper* “Demon-y.” I do believe I am at the right place?
Lina: And may you never leave.
Koori: *elbows Lina hard in the ribs* Let’s focus. Welcome, then, Amon. If Miss Lyle says you’re supposed to be here, then who are we to say otherwise.
Lina: I wasn’t going to say anything otherwise.
Koori: We should get back to the riff.
Akira roaring:She DOES not OWN me WOMAN!
darksakudragon growling:YESSSSSSSS i dooooo…
Amon: This Akira is a demon?
Amon: Must be a wind elemental to be so easily cowed.
As the huge thing came out from the ring,Neji starts to back away slowly.”Wha?!”,he said,a little startled by this smirked and quickly jumped up the ‘thing’.
Amon: Cerberus? Is that you?
Lina: You know the giant demonic cybernetic sheep?
Amon: Of course. We used to play bridge every Tuesday. *turns to the sheep poking one of it’s heads through the door* Whatever are you doing here, old friend?
Cerbs: Baaaa’aa ba ba’aa’a.
Amon: What a small world it really is. Well, do carry on. After this we should catch up over a cup of coffee. *glances at Koori and Lina* There is coffee in this dimension, yes?
Lina: Let me give you a coupon. I run the local shop. *pulls a coupon from between her cleavage and hands it over*
Amon: Most excellent! I won’t keep you from your duties. *he nods to Cerbs*
Cerbs: BAA! *GONG!*
She whispered something to it before it turned its body towards Neji.”Hello…my name’s Akira..you must be a Hyuuga…“,Akira snorted rather growled a didn’t liked being remarked rudely by a sat on Akira had a glowing pinkish-coloured fur that was covered with dark-marooned like Sakura’s hair except that hers doesn’t have stripes.
Koori: Did Neji just sit on Akira?
Lina: I honestly can’t tell what’s going on here, other than Sakura doesn’t have stripes.
Amon: As an avid reader of human literature, I cannot believe this constitutes writing in your world.
Lina: Neither can we, handsome.
The demon’s eyes were a deep greenish while it’s neck was covered with fluffy pink ‘s tail was like a paintbrush-shaped that had a red liquid at the end of it’s head to tail,Akira was covered in dark feets are covered with a much more lighter pink(Too much pink!).
Koori: Did you bring the buzzer, Old Lady?
Lina: *plops it onto the counter*
Koori: *smacks it* The equivalent of clothing porn, convoluted as it is.
I IS BADFIC!: 18
Neji couldn’t help but stare at Akira with his eyes growled slightly but purred when Sakura stroked her at the neck,”It’s rude to stare at someone you know…you’re actually staring at Sakura…“Sakura was surprised but didn’t showed any of it.
Koori: Wait, so Akira is Sakura? Then who is Akira? Is Sakura actually Akira?
Amon: Demons are not their masters. We are separate entities.
Neji,however,had to look away as he felt a blush coming(oooooh!Neji’s blushing…).
Lina: Did Lyle already count mid-sentence author’s notes?
Koori: Yes. Did you not read the previous installments?
Lina: I did but there’s been so much horrible suck that it’s hard to keep track.
Amon: *picks up the buzzer and turns it over in his hands* What a marvelous contraption. It appears to be made of nothing but paperclips, a stapler, and a massive amount of chewing gum, yet it functions. How is this so?
Lina: Welcome to the Library, handsome. Nothing here makes sense.
“Sakura!Should come back to Kono ha!Don’t be a missing-nin anymore!”,Neji shouted
Koori: Technically, she isn’t a missing-nin anymore. They found her. Now she’s just a rogue.
and he starts to activate his shooked her head slowly before saying,
Amon: This author appears to forget to finish her sentence before starting a new one.
Lina: Welcome to Badfic, handsome.
“I’m sorry Neji-san..I cannot allow myself to return…””But your loyalties is to Konoha!Not to Madara!”Sakura raised and she heard right?Loyalties to Madara?’He’s kidding right?Loyalties to Madara?’,she thought.
Amon: What is that infernal racket?
Koori: *stands, pulling a kunai from her hip pouch* Incoming! *dashes out the door*
Amon: That little girl is quite effective with those knives.
Lina: Don’t let her hear you say that or you’ll never hear the end of it.
Amon: She doesn’t like to be told she fights well?
Lina: No, she doesn’t like it when you call her ninja toys “knives.”
Koori: *plops back into her chair, toweling blood from her face* They aren’t toys, Hagzilla.
Lina: *clicks her teeth at Koori, fangs out*
Amon: You, madam, do not appear human.
‘Unless,that friend of yours,Ino wanted to lure you straight to him?‘,Akira thought back.
Sakura felt a surge of anger coming through her dare she try to trick her?!Sakura shook her head violently,”No…my loyalties to Madara?hmph… loyalties is with Konoha and no one else Neji-san…”Neji gaped while Akira calmly looked over at Ino’s dead body before asking,”Can I eat her?I mean she’s dead right?“
Koori: Wait… when did Ino die?
Lina: I’ve not the slightest idea.
Amon: I would guess in unfinished half of one of those sentences up there.
Both Neji and Sakura looked at her with a disgusted look on their looked back at Neji and said sternly,”Neji-san…this isn’t going to be pretty…”Neji nodded and closed his eyes but said anyway,”Your friends are waiting for you back in Konoha…even…I…I…”.Sakura just stared at Neji but giggled when she saw him blushing.(she ignored the crunching of bones..)
Lina: Hey, handsome. Do demons eat people? I thought they stole souls.
Amon: Depends on the demon. Shape changers will eat humans.
Koori: So Sakura is possessed by a shape changer?
Amon: Shape changers cannot possess people. Only the ethereal can do that.
Lina: I’m getting the impression that the demons in your existence are much different than the demons of other mythos.
Amon: Undoubtedly. I’m truly not sure why I was called into this since my expertise will be next to useless.
Lina: Well, you’re here now so there’s absolutely no need to go away. You don’t even need to help us riff if you don’t want to. Just sit there so I can look at you.
Amon: Did not the child mention you are married?
Lina: I’m not touching, just looking.
Koori: I’m telling Vlad.
Lina: Go for it. He won’t care.
darksakudragon:So,how d’ya like Sakura-chan?
Koori: The real Sakura is fine. This Sakura?
Lina: We’ve hardly seen her do anything.
Akira coughing:*cough*What are you doing here Hyuuga?
Amon: Is this part of the story?
Lina: No, the author likes to have imaginary convesations with the figments in her head.
Koori: Much like us and Lyle, except we’re not gramatically painful.
Amon: I’m afraid you’ve lost me.
darksakudragon smiling playfully:hahaha!He must be here to see Saku-chan!
Neji blushes and walks away
Sakura scratching head:What was that for?
Akira shrugs:Anyway,ON WITH THE STORY!
darksakudragon yelling:Hey!I was suppous to say that!
Koori: Well damn. That was another mid-story author’s note.
Amon: And what does that mean?
Lina: It means we’re not done yet, handsome. I’ll go get us some coffee. How do you like yours?
Amon: Turkish, please, with a cinnimon stick. That would be wonderful.
Lina: You’re so polite! *ruffles Koori’s hair on her way past* And I know what you want, Perky, so don’t worry about it.
Koori: GAH! Don’t touch me, you hag! *pulls her hair tie out and starts smoothing her hair back into a high tail before hollering after Lina* Extra caramel while you’re at it!
After Akira finished devouring the remains of Ino yamanaka,she turned her head towards Sakura who smiled sadly towards the Hyuuga prodigy.”I’m afraid,Neji-san…that if i were to ever come back to the village…I’ll only be a hindrance to everyone…and…this is where we bade farewell,Neji-san.”,Sakura said jumped off Akira board shoulder and stood in front of a blushing whispered,”temporary slumber“And before he could do anything,Neji’s face was cupped by Sakura’s hands and was kissed frimly on the blush spread rapidly and soon,he was unable to see anything.
Sakura let him drop to the ground and turned towards Akira who was smiling said softly,”Seal jutsu”and did some hand signs before Akira fully then proceed to quickly leave the place and into the opposite forest leaving behind a sleeping Neji on the ground.
Koori: What in the world did she seal? If Akira is still running around, she didn’t seal her up. Neji is still there, so it wasn’t him. Did she seal the remains of Ino so her demon pet thing could finish eating her later?
3 hours later…
Amon: That’s quite specific.
Koori: We’ve seen worse.
Neji woked up in a hospital and was surprised to see that everybody was beside noticed the Hokage and said softly,”I’m sorry,Hokage-sama…I was unable to retrieve her back..she said that her loyalties was still with Konoha and not to Madara…she…was..too…powerful..”
Koori: Yes, she kissed you and you passed out. Such power. So strong.
Amon: I would hate to see what happens to him when he first attempts intimacy if a kiss is enough to knock him out.
.Tsunade smiled weakly and and Sasuke was surprised when they heard Neji saying that Sakura was was about to say something when he was interuppted by Naruto,”What?!She’s THAT POWERFUL?!ITAI!”Naruto was knocked on his head that he earned by…surprise,surprise…Hinata!
Koori: Finish. Your. Sentences! Now I see why Miss Lyle said the narrator was as rabbit on crack.
Amon: I will admit that I only understood half of what you said. I’m still learning about the things in your world.
Koori: I had a lot of catching up to do when I first got here, too. One bonus of being in an endless Libraray is that there is no limit to the knowledge you’ll find here. Plus, we have the interent.
Amon: Oh, so you are not from this world, either?
Koori: Very few of us are. Some are from places more easily transfered due to similar technology levels. Others, like where Gumdrop came from, not so much. But he does the best he can.
Koori: He’s a T-rex. I’ll introduce you after this is over. He does most of the baking.
Amon: That would explain the incredible size of your hallways.
Hinata said sternly,”Naruto-kun…you should be quiet when your in the hospital..”Naruto nodded while the others stared at Hinata sighed,”Still the same dobe aren’t you,DOBE.””Don’t call me a DOBE,TEME!”,Naruto shouted
Koori: *twitches* I hate that term.
(he earned a punch from Neji)”‘s that strong Naruto…and I suspect..that the Akatsuki would be looking for her…she has a summoning jutsu too…so be careful…”,Neji said snorted but when Tenten gave her a death glare,she kept asked,”Erm…what kind of summoning did she do?”Neji tried his best to avoid everyone’s gaze but failed to do so when Juugo said silently,”It has got to be a very powerful one…if not…you wouldn’t have a scared tone..”.
Koori: Where did Jūgo come from?! And Sasuke, for that matter. How many people are in this room?
Amon: Far too many if this is a hospital. Back home, I live in a hospital. Mag would never allow so many people cluttering up the space.
Koori: Demon realms have hospitals?
Amon: Oh, of course not. I’m a summoned Aberration. My master’s adoptive mother is a healer. We live on the top floor of the hospital building.
Neji looked up towards Jiraiya who blankly stared at him.(Tsunade had left)
Koori: Bummer there was no possible way of showing that without adding that parenthetical note.
Neji mouthed something but nobody could hear him.”C’mon us..”,Jiraiya sighed before saying,”It’s called a demon summoning jutsu..very powerful…and don’t allow her to kiss you…you will fall asleep if she kisses you..”Kiba’s eyes went wide,” she kissed you Neji?”This time,Neji couldn’t hold it any blushed and blushed started cursing Neji in his mind while Sasuke only kept ,Kiba and Hinata couldn’t contain their laughter anymore.
Koori: Neji just announced that Sakura could summon demons and yet everyone is too busy laughing about the fact that she kissed him. Right.
Amon: Their priorities do not appear to be in the right place.
darksakudragon:So,should I stop here?
Koori: Yes. Forever.
Sakura sighing:Well,you should make it a little bit more longer…
Amon: Is there a word limit they are required to reach?
Akira nodding:Yeah..and,you did say about Akatsuki right?
Koori: Mentioning the Akatsuki doesn’t mean you have to have them in the chapter.
darksakudragon shrugging:Yeah I guess…,your turn
Sakura shouting:OK!ON WITH THE STORY!
Amon: I hope I am not out of place by saying that added nothing to the narrative.
Koori: The narrative adds nothing to the narrative.
*Lina returns bearing a tray of drinks and goodies*
Lina: Turkish coffee with cinnamon sticks. *hands one to Amon* Iced, blended caramel chai latte, whipped cream, extra drizzle. *hands another to Koori* And a nice peppermint mocha for me. *places a third on the desk by her chair* Plus Gumdrop just dropped these off. He promised they have the newest lot of Iguanadon in them; the last ones he made tasted a little gamey. *places a tray filled with scones on the desk*
Koori: Oooo! *snags a scone* Don’t be intimidated by the weird ingredients, Amon. They’re surprsingly tasty.
Lina: Plus three of those bad boys will fullfill your daily reccomended protein.
Amon: *delicately picks up a scone and eyes it before taking a tiny bite* Dare I ask what that unknown flavor is?
Lina: Is it a bad flavor?
Amon: Not particularly. Just different.
Lina: Then it’s best not to ask.
Unbeknowsnt(dunno how to spell)
Lina: If you don’t know how to spell, look it up. As it is, you actually managed to spell it correctly.
to all of the ninjas,
Koori: That shouldn’t be plural!
Lina: I’m pretty sure Lyle already hit the buzzer for pluralized Japanese.
a spying venus-flytrap-man was was from Akatsuki from his cloak that had red clouds on spoke slowly towards a claybird,”Inform Leader-sama about a certain kunoichi to name is…Sakura.”The bird nodded but before it took said sternly,”And I am NOT a CHICKEN Zetsu-san.”Zetsu chuckled at the comment fron the blond idiot who had,telepathically informed him through the then vanishes underground while awaiting for orders from Madara and Pein.
Koori: *headdesks hard, making the entire tray of scones wobble*
Amon: Are you okay, child?
Koori: *voice muffled by the desk* This author. Pein is the Japanese version of his name. However, in every English translation – subtitles, English dub, and translated manga – his name is Pain. Because that is what he creates. It’s his self-made moniker. His real name is Nagato. Pein was Japan’s attempt at an English word.
Amon: It is a shame the narrative could not tell us we were back with her.
Lina: You’re catching on.
Sakura walked slowly in the was actually taking her own sweet time until she heard two voices.’Funny..they sound familiar…unless…it can’t be..‘,she thought and hid behind a tree,cancelling every trace of her chakra signature,hoping that the two person whom she suspect greatly wouldn’t know that she’s peered cautiosly from behind the tree and her suspicions were was the Akatsukis’.
Amon: I am utterly baffled that this person was able to use “whom” properly but can’t even finish a single coherant thought before moving on to the next one.
One was a blue-skinned man who had shark-like features while the other looked exactly like Sasuke.’So..another Uchiha huh?Great…
Koori: The timeline of this is totally fuckered. Sakura would have already known who Itachi was by now.
”You’re telling me…cheh…cannot be helped anyway..that must be Itachi Uchiha…and the other one…‘,Sakura thought while pondering on the fish-like nin.
Luckily for Sakura,Akira decided to help her with the name,’Hmm…he must be…Kisame Hoshikage…he has the samehada(No idea how to spell)
Lina: You’ve made that abundantly clear. Now learn how to Google.
Lina: It’s going to be fun introducing you to our ways.
quite powerful…‘Sakura said thanks silently but before she could react,a shuriken missed her face by ,Sakura backed away slowly and nearly bumped into turned around to look at the two was grinning while Itachi had a I-really-don’t-care-look on his face.”H-hi?’,Sakura said while backing away growled,”What’s a lone kunoichi like you doing in a forest?”Itachi looked at her closely before saying,”‘re the Kyuubi’s friend..””Hmph..just our luck..more trouble..”,Sakura muttered.
Kisame grin grew wider still and said,”Well…I guess it couldn’t hurt if we were to…capture you…wouldn’t it?”Sakura just stared at him and seethed,”Well…I’m afraid that you would have to catch me first…fishy-chan..”She smirked when she saw Kisame’s eyes narrowing dangerously.”
Cerbs: BAAAA! *GONG!*
Amon: As enthusiastic as ever, I see. We should get our bridge night going again. Do you suppose we could find two more?
Cerbs: Baaa, ba ba baaa’a.
Amon: Most excellent!
..ME?!”,He yelled.”I said…FISHY…why?Angry?”,Sakura he could anything,Itachi stopped him,”‘,you better follow us back…or else…””Or else what?Your Sharingan wouldn’t work on me…”,she said cooly leaving a very puzzeled Itachi to just stare at her(Hah!Take that Itachi!).
Koori: Uhm, yeah it will. She’s good at releasing genjutsu, but she can still be caught in it.
Kisame started to punch her but didn’t manage to hit her.”You’re fast..I have to admit that…”,he spat did the same thing but was unable to hit her.”Heh…easy as pie…Flames of tribute jutsu!”,Sakura said before making hand signs and aiming it onto the ,a huge flame came gushing out from the resembled a huge ,it scorched both Kisame and Itachi,injuring them badly.”Ugh…we will get you soon enough…”,Kisame said and with that,both shinobi’s disappeared in a puff of smoke.
Koori: Okay, that’s over the top, even for Sakura. She wouldn’t be able to take down two Akatsuki with barely a blink. *reaches for the buzzer*
Lina: We should let our new
hunk friend do the honors. It’s his first time here, after all.
Koori: Sure, go a head and hit the buzzer, Amon. The count is for turning a character into a Sue.
Amon: I don’t quite understand what you mean by that, but I’ll be glad to oblige. *taps the buzzer*
I IS BADFIC!: 19
‘We better be more careful next time…Saku-chan..‘,Akira rolled her eyes,’Yeah…okay…lets go‘.She then jumped back onto the track and headed back to south.
Lina: Does she even know where she’s going?
Koori: That a way. *waves vaguely south*
darksakudragon:Well?Whaddya think…huh huh?
Lina: For someone who was so admanat part way through that they didn’t care if they got reviews, you sure are asking a lot for reviews.
Koori: And we think it was terrible.
Koori: Do we hit the buzzer for text-speak when it’s in an author’s note?
Lina: That would be Lyle’s call. I’ll make a note to ask her when she’s back.
Kisame snorting:Hn…I think there are less action there…
Lina: How can you tell? Half the sentences are missing.
Sakura:What?Not happy bout me kicking your bloody ass?
Kisame snarling:Why you little fucking…
Sakura back away but was stopped by Kisame’s mouth inside her
Lina and Koori: What?!
Amon: I beg your pardon?!
Akira fidgets away from the two of them
Itachi review…no flames or I will kill you guys…
Lina: My point has been made, again. “I don’t care if you review, but you need to leave me reviews, and they can’t be mean ones!”
Kisame groaning,Sakura moaning
darksakudragon:…ugh…I think I’m gonna have nightmares… wants popcorn?
Itachi and Akira:Me
The trio walks out of room leaving Kisame and Sakura kissng inside the room
Lina: Wait, that wasn’t some weird typo?!
Amon: You are very strange people to read this sort of thing. I don’t know if I should pity you your job, or be frightened by it.
Lina: A frightened demon?
Amon: I am not without a healthy dose of fear in the proper situation.
Lina: Then let me warn you about Syl and Swenia before you leave this room.
Koori: Ta-ta, everyone!