1792: Unknown Origins – Prologue, Part One

Title: Unknown Origins
Author: Cyberweasel89
Media: Video Games
Topic: Fallout: New Vegas
Genre: Adventure and Romance
URL: Chapter One
Critiqued by Angie
Rating: M

For swearing, nudity, sex, blood, and violence. Hey, it’s Vegas, baby.

And drugs and alcohol. Thanks Cyber.

Hey, I’m Angie. And…after I got in touch with Cyberweasel on Fanfiction, she informed me that she liked my riffs and was wondering if I was willing to review what she considered to be her worst. So I went onto the Suggestion Box page. Scrolled to the bottom. And I clicked on the link.

*takes a shaky breath in* I also read the reviews. “The character has a severe case of Mary Sue, anime influenced or not.” “I stopped reading after the 1st scene. Way to unbelievable for me. Way to different than I remember from the game.” “Instead, she comes off as a two-dimensional, annoying idiot.”

I don’t want to read this. I really don’t. I don’t know shit about Fallout. I shouldn’t have to read this.

*sighs* Let’s take a look at Unknown Origins.

Disclaimer: I do not own Fallout: New Vegas. It belongs to Bethesda, who purchased the rights from Black Isle.

Wow, it’s almost like people are going to confuse this with the actual thing. Fanfiction isn’t copyrighted, Cyber. There’s no need to go all ‘all rights reserved’ on this shit.

XXXXXXXXXX

You sure you don’t want to add a 666 somewhere in there?

Wait, this isn’t My Immortal. My bad.

Rating: M

For swearing, nudity, sex, blood, and violence. Hey, it’s Vegas, baby.

Thank you, wise Cyber. I’ll make sure everybody knows that every time a new riff of this fic comes out.

Genres: Adventure, Action, Romance, Sci-Fi, Post-Apocalyptic, Western

It’s also a comedy, drama, family, horror, satire, tragedy, and fantasy. Is there anything I left out?

Summary: Her memories gone, a shy Courier must learn to adapt to a new life where no one’s going to cut her slack for her nervous stutter. Hopefully she’ll be able to find some friends as she hunts down the man who left her as a clean slate.

I think you may have mentioned those exact words in that exact order in the description of the fic that is IN THE DESCRIPTION OF THE FIC.

*BLARING ALARMS BLARE*

FUCK YOU.

XXXXXXXXXX

Fallout: New Vegas

We know.

Unknown Origins

We know.

By Cyberweasel89

We’re aware.

Prologue: Fade to Black

Alright, coolio. I hate that ‘fade to black’ trope, but…hey, maybe Cyber will do something good with it. I’ll give the benefit of a doubt.

XXXXXXXXXX

OH MY GOD. CAN WE JUST GET TO THE FUCKING STORY?

Look, I know Cyber’s reasoning for this. I read up on her comments on the previous riff. But it’s too good not to make fun of.

*shrugs* She told me to go all out.

“You got what you were after, so pay up.”

Shit… her head hurt so much… Wait, why the fuck was her vision blurry?

Ah yes, the gratuitous swearing. It really is the only thing that keeps me from calling Cake by the Ocean a modern masterpiece.

I said it.

Had she been chugging the absinthe again? Or did some asshole slip something more than Mentats in her atomic cocktail?

God, Cyber wasn’t kidding about drugs and alcohol—wait a second.

There’s no mention of drugs and alcohol in the disclaimer? Is that just…I mean, sure. By all means, mention the nudity that we can’t see because we’re reading a fic, not watching a movie. Mention that, disregard substances.

*sighs* This is going to be a long day.

“You’re cryin’ in the rain, pally.”

Wait, her hands were tied? Shit… this couldn’t be good…

You couldn’t have guessed that from the fact that you woke up with no recollection of what’s happened before, assumed you had been drugged, and are surrounded by mobsters probably?

“Guess who’s wakin’ up over here.”

Three men in front of her, even more gathered around, obviously all pricks.

Obviously. Right? I mean, I have no proof that they are pricks, but they obviously are. Right? God? Right?

Judging from their outfits and bandanas, they were all Great Khans. Directly in front of her was a Khan holding authority shovel and an African-American one. Between them stood a man in… a checkered suit? Seriously? Ugh. Talk about bad taste.

Oh dear. *covers face* Anti Joke Brigade, prepare for a fate worse than death.

“Time to cash out.”

Clearly.

The checkered suit man threw the butt of his spent cigarette on the ground and stomped it out. She could smell the delicious smoke wafting over her nose right now.

Absolutely! But…wait, unless the smoke was directly in front of your face, I doubt you could get a good whiff of it. I don’t know if that’s the idea, but throwing cigarettes at people is just plain bullying. Even if these are our spooky villains.

“Will you get it over with?”

Said the person, presumably standing in this room, probably with a mouth. Maybe.

Context clues, sure. But don’t make your sentence completely devoid of any idea as to who said it.

The African-American man on the left seemed annoyed… The checkered suit man raised his hand, his index finger skyward. “Maybe Khans kill people without lookin’ ’em in the face… But I ain’t a fink. Dig?”

Wow. I haven’t taken notice of such whore shit slang since…

…that.

The checkered suit man reached into his jacket and pulled out a poker chip. She instantly recognized it as that stupid platinum poker chip she was hired to deliver to the Strip, faintly lit up in the distance.

Is…is this an actual objective in New Vegas? Deliver the thing to the post apocalyptic place so you can do a thing because plot? If so…for fuck’s sake, Bethesda. I invite you to eat my shit.

“You’ve made your last delivery, kid.” He placed it back in his jacket, his hand lingering inside as he spoke. “Sorry you got twisted up in this scene.”

*starts checking things off on list* Drugging the Mary Sue, check. Mention of how they’re all pricks, check. Token black character, check. Token black character is a villain, check. Smoking is bad, check. Schoolyard threats, check. Now all we need is…

He was holding a nickel-finish pistol with an ivory grip when his hand emerged. Nine millimeter by the look of it. Highly engraved, with some bullshit religious image on the grip. She couldn’t make it out with his fat fingers in the way and her vision so goddamn blurry.

*checks off final box* Well, I think you’ve hit all the marks to make a bullshit stereotypical villain. But getting Tim Curry to do the voice over would be the icing on the cake.

“From where you’re kneeling, it must seem like an eighteen karat run of bad luck.” He pointed the gun at her. She promptly spit in his eye. The gaggle of Khans took to laughing uproariously as their boss removed a handkerchief from his jacket with his free hand and wiped the loogie from his face.

…wait a minute.

*goes to Uncle Google. Finds herself on Fallout wiki*

*headdesk* *headdesk* *headdesk*

You shit. You fucking…you’re stealing…YOU’RE DIRECTLY COPYING LINES FROM THE ORIGINAL. YOU HAVE BEEN THIS ENTIRE TIME.

ARE YOU KIDDING ME. YOU’RE ACTUALLY JUST RETELLING THE STORY OF THE OPENING SCENE IN YOUR AVATAR’S POINT OF VIEW. THAT’S SO LAZY.

*headdesk* Moving on.

“She’s gotta lotta fight in her for someone lookin’ down the barrel of a gun!” the one with the shovel howled.

*covers face, makes distressed noises* Cyber, for fuck’s sake. Don’t do this to me.

“Bull’s eye, too! Even after that whack in the back a’ the head!” the African-American one wailed.

Somehow you managed to confuse me and give me the backstory behind what’s going on in one go. It’s impressive, really.

She smirked at the checkered suit man’s visibly repressed anger, satisfied that she had humiliated him in front of his Khan goons as a final fuck you. He stepped closer to her, returning the handkerchief to his jacket.

…there was a final fuck you? Wait, there was an initial fuck you? What was that? When was that? Is there shit you’re not telling me?

“Cute. Especially for a broad your size.”

Heheh. *wipes nose* Broad.

“What’re ya doin’?” a Great Khan to her right asked.

I don’t know. I have absolutely no idea what’s going on. At all.

The prickweed pressed the gun right against her forehead. “I don’t wanna miss after that.” he explained with a smirk. She only smirked back.

I…I don’t…

*sighs*

I’m just at a loss for words. This is so fucking stupid.

“From where you’re kneeling, it must seem like an eighteen karat run of bad luck. But truth is… the game was rigged from the start, sweetheart.”

*BLARING ALARMS BLARE*

And there it is. It was only a matter of time.

Even as he squeezed the trigger, she continued to mock him with a smug look on her face, delighted that it was upsetting him all the more. Hey, at least she’d had a good run. She’d have to remember to come back and haunt this sorry dickhead.

*slams fists on desk repeatedly while chanting* Kill the Sue! Kill the Sue! Kill the Sue!

There were two loud bangs, but she only heard one and a half bangs before her world faded to black…

 

XXXXXXXXXX

Which is where I’m stopping for now. I could go longer, but…eh. The more I drag this out the easier it gets.

I’ve been Angie, and…god save my fucking soul.

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51 Comments on “1792: Unknown Origins – Prologue, Part One”

  1. KatsAssReaperDoomsdayDevice says:

    Fanfiction isn’t copyrighted

    Wait, seriously?

    …shit!

  2. KatsAssReaperDoomsdayDevice says:

    Deliver the thing to the post apocalyptic place so you can do a thing because plot?

    Ya

    It’s somehow still one of the least restrictive setups for your character in… fk it I’m willing to say all the Fallout games at the moment

    At least for the purposes of pretending that the player character is actually a Terminator :P

    • Angie says:

      At least for the purposes of pretending that the player character is actually a Terminator.

      Makes enough sense to me.

  3. LoudAssReaperDoomsdayDevice says:

    the African-American one wailed

    Sorry

    Not sorry

    Either way I just accidentally made this thing blare at max volume on my phone looking it up in public so I’ll take that as due punishment

  4. AdmiralSakai says:

    XXXXXXXXXX

    How appropriate.

  5. AdmiralSakai says:

    Genres: Adventure, Action, Romance, Sci-Fi, Post-Apocalyptic, Western

    Oh by all means, please continue typing out information ff.net adds to your ‘fic header automatically. I can’t possibly think of a better use of wordcount.

    • Angie says:

      Ehh, Cyber works in mysterious ways. There’s got to be a method to her madness.

    • I started making fanfics at a time where FF.net didn’t actually do that. When they started doing it, I kept doing it myself out of habit. I eventually broke this habit, rest assured. This is my worst fanfic for a reason, after all. XD

  6. AdmiralSakai says:

    OH MY GOD. CAN WE JUST GET TO THE FUCKING STORY?

    Sadly, I have a feeling that is exactly what we will be doing before too long.

  7. AdmiralSakai says:

    Directly in front of her was a Khan holding authority shovel and an African-American one. Between them stood a man in… a checkered suit?

    So one is described by his clothes, one is described by his gear, and the black guy, by implication, is stark naked.

  8. BatJamags says:

    “The character has a severe case of Mary Sue, anime influenced or not.” “I stopped reading after the 1st scene. Way to unbelievable for me. Way to different than I remember from the game.” “Instead, she comes off as a two-dimensional, annoying idiot.”

    And this is on ff.net?! The reviewers there are not exactly known for their discerning and critical taste.

  9. BatJamags says:

    “Bull’s eye, too! Even after that whack in the back a’ the head!” the African-American one wailed.

    I’m just gonna throw out there that I’m pretty sure in the Fallout universe, America isn’t really a thing anymore, so this guy isn’t anything-American.

    • BatJamags says:

      Though I know only slightly more than jack shit about Fallout, so I could be completely wrong about that.

      • SC says:

        Fallout 3 shows that, at least in Washington DC, there’s still some pretty strong ties to the America of the past, but that could be because it’s Washington friggin’ DC.

      • BatJamags says:

        Plus, Washington is used to being overrun with radioactive pests, though these days we call them politicians.

    • AdmiralSakai says:

      That, and my understanding was that the local population had interbred sufficiently that there weren’t really definable ethnicities so much as just a continuum of skin tones.

      • Angie says:

        You’re going to be very pleased to find out Ms. Sue was initially black, but Cyber changed most of her descriptions to make her pale and ginger. I’ve been imagining a chemically castrated Carrot Top.

        The word of the day is ‘most’.

  10. BatJamags says:

    Great Khan

    Are these guys like the Great Ahmed Khan? Because we could use the Ecumenical Liberation Army to come in here and assassinate this fic on live television.

    • AdmiralSakai says:

      I was thinking more along the lines of

      Now that was truly a great Khan.

      • Angie says:

        At least he wasn’t given a Twinkie. Up top. *goes to high five Queenie*

        Queenie: I’ve never seen Bill and Ted.

        Hiraani: *gives Angie a high five*

      • BatJamags says:

        Damn, it looks like Captain Kirk is mad as hell, and he’s not going to take it anymore.

      • Angie says:

        Goodness. Are we just playing a game of How Many Movie References Can We Fit In One Thread? We’ve got Star Trek II, Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure, Network…we just need Iron Man 3 and we’ll be set.

  11. GhostCat says:

    […] a Khan holding authority shovel and an African-American one.

    So is the Khan holding two shovels, an authority one and an African-American one? How does one differentiate between different kinds of shovels like that? And is “African-American” even the correct term, since there’s no America anymore?

    • Angie says:

      I would have covered this, but much like Jamags, my knowledge of Fallout falls under the ‘I’m pretty sure this is a video game? Maybe?’ category.

      • GhostCat says:

        I know it’s one of those post-apocalyptic, dystopian-future games with endless side quests.

      • BatJamags says:

        An itemized list of my mad Fallout knowledge:

        – War.
        – War never changes.
        – The world done got blowed up.
        – Some dudes are living underground.
        – Some dudes are not living underground.
        – Now cockroaches are radioactive! That can’t be good!
        – At the beginning of New Vegas, you get shot in the head.
        – Some people probably wear powered armor I think?

      • Angie says:

        I’m learning this as I read the fic or consult with everyone in the Library. The thing about cockroaches being radioactive is completely fresh news to me.

      • SC says:

        Welp, I’ve had the pleasure of actually playing a Fallout game, so I can clarify a few things:

        – The war, in question, can be summed up as: “If the Cold War never ended, technology never advanced beyond the 50’s, and this carried on well into the 2000’s.” In fact, the big thing about this war was that, uh, it turned REALLY FUCKING HOT right at the climax. Among the important events that occurred was China taking over Alaska, America annexing Canada, a fraction of the American armed forces splintering away from their government and forming a tech-obsessed knighthood known as the Brotherhood of Steel, and of course, the atomic bombs dropping all over the place.

        – America is still a thing, but after 200+ years, most everybody’s forgotten what, exactly, it was about. Washington DC has become a battlefield between Super Mutants (the products of a failed super soldier experiment) and the Talon Mercenary Company (Chinese guns-for-hire who are massive assholes), Pittsburgh has been reduced to a place where merchants and wealthy upperclassmen run the joint on the broken backs of slaves, Vegas is still a gambling town (so, you know, at least we still have that), and what remaining scraps of the America of before, the Enclave, have become SUPER DICKS.

        – Given that the bombs didn’t really differentiate between sex or skin, and people turning into ghouls (irradiated, long-living zombie men) is certainly not restricted to any set group of people, nobody really gives a shit about whether you’re black or white. However, they might not like you too much if you’re Asian. Because, you know, that whole War thing.

        – The dudes living underground are Vault-Dwellers, so named because they live in specially-built communal facilities known as, well, Vaults. The leaders of each individual Vault are known as Overseers, and they usually tend to be on the not-all-there side of the sanity meter, sometimes even brainwashing their fellow Dwellers into believing them to be as kings, as shown by the Overseer of Vault 101. Fallout 4 shows that these Vaults are actually shady as hell social experiment laboratories built by a Pre-War company known as Vault Tec, who liked watching Survivor and Big Brother a bit too much for their own good. The reason Vault-Dwellers exist is because Vault Tec randomly selected people prior to the bombs dropping to live in these Vaults, and their children and their children’s children, for 200+ years, have also lived in the Vaults under the idea that the world above was too dangerous.

        – The dudes NOT living underground are a mix of bandits, mercenaries, cowboys (they call themselves “Regulators” and are the polar opposites of the Talon Mercenary Company), ghouls, Super Mutants, wandering merchants, and colonists who build towns out of whatever scrap metal they can find. One of the most popular towns in the series is Megaton, which is built around an ACTIVE, UNEXPLODED ATOMIC BOMB. And yes, you can rig that bomb to blow if you feel like being a massive douche.

        – Cockroaches are indeed radioactive. As are ants that breathe fire, moles that have two mouths, cows with two heads… the list goes on.

        – The Enclave and Brotherhood of Steel are the only two major factions who wear power armor, and they horde that secret fiercely. In order to wear power armor, yourself, at least in 3, you either have to complete a simulation of the battle to retake Alaska from Chinese forces, or get permission from the leader of the DC detachment of the Brotherhood of Steel.

        I should probably stop before my comment gets too long…

        • GhostCat says:

          Fallout 4 shows that these Vaults are actually shady as hell social experiment laboratories built by a Pre-War company known as Vault Tec, who liked watching Survivor and Big Brother a bit too much for their own good.

          I remember seeing a list of some of the different “experiments”, like there was one with a primarily female population and maybe a handful of men, and one with, like, zoo animals or something added into the population, and another that was one guy and a box of puppets.

      • SC says:

        There’s a Vault in Fallout 4 which was specifically pompous, rich assholes, and their elected Overseer was a crazy conspiracy theorist.

        It should be noted that Overseers are chosen by Vault Tec, not the Dwellers themselves.

      • Angie says:

        In fact, the big thing about this war was that, uh, it turned REALLY FUCKING HOT right at the climax.

        *giggles with reckless abandon* You said thing!

      • SC says:

        Behave, damn you! Fallout is srs bzns!

      • Angie says:

        Clearly.

      • DasCheesenBorgir says:

        – Now cockroaches are radioactive! That can’t be good!

        THEY’VE GOT HUGE GUTS

      • Angie says:

        Radioactive cockroaches have some nerve coming into the Library. I’ve been killing them for days.

      • I suppose I can clarify the African American thing. While no one in Fallout: New Vegas SAYS the term “African-American,” the term is used at the beginning of the game when you’re selecting your character’s race. However, no one actually addresses what race you picked in-game.

  12. GhostCat says:

    The checkered suit man threw the butt of his spent cigarette on the ground and stomped it out. She could smell the delicious smoke wafting over her nose right now.

    I assume by “spent” the cigarette has burned down to the filter or to a point where it is no longer smokeable – that would mean none of that “delicious” smoke is available anymore.

    And I don’t know about other smokers, but I never liked the smell of cigarette smoke at all. Cigar smoke or pipe smoke, those are pretty good smells, but cigarette smoke? If cigar smoke is a nice steak dinner, cigarette smoke would be a cold ninety-nine cent hamburger with no condiments.

    • Angie says:

      I never liked any of it. It’s probably a bias towards my asthma, but all things considered, cigar smoke is the superior smell from what I’ve experienced.

    • In my defense (what little I have for this shitfic), like Angie I’m asthmatic and cigarette smoke is a huge trigger, so I never get much chance to smell it before I start asphyxiating. At the young age I was when I wrote the scene, I just assumed people who smoke willingly like everything about it.

  13. GhostCat says:

    You shit. You fucking…you’re stealing…YOU’RE DIRECTLY COPYING LINES FROM THE ORIGINAL. YOU HAVE BEEN THIS ENTIRE TIME.

    ARE YOU KIDDING ME. YOU’RE ACTUALLY JUST RETELLING THE STORY OF THE OPENING SCENE IN YOUR AVATAR’S POINT OF VIEW. THAT’S SO LAZY.

    The same thing happened in her Kore wa Zonbi Desu Ka? fic; it was essentially a scene-for-scene copy with a little extra nudity added in. It just constantly reminded me that I could be enjoying the original.

    • BatJamags says:

      Parallel Realities, anyone?

      Not to mention From Another World, which was a scene-for-scene copy with a little extra nudity (and Stu wank) added in of a scene-for-scene copy with a little extra nudity (and Stu wank) added in.

    • SC says:

      I admit that I tend to go easier on authors who go by the script and only elect to add bits and pieces of their own ideas in, because odds are these they’re a new author and trying to play it safe.

      But when it’s an author who’s done it before, I’m a bit less inclined to let it slide.

      Thankfully, there’s no need to harp on Cyberweasel about it, since she knows, and willingly allows us to rip into her stuff.

      • GhostCat says:

        I don’t like it on general principle, I just don’t think there’s much of a point to write a fanfic that is the exact same as the original except now your OC is the main character, but that’s just me. I doubt that this fic will follow the original closely, if only because there’s so many branching paths in a game like Fallout.

      • DasCheesenBorgir says:

        I definitely feel like New Vegas is prolly one of the most open-ended in the series, lots of stuff could be done just following the ‘main’ quest for the first half of the story just cuz of the different situations and places it conveniently tracks you by

        I still haven’t finished a single playthrough of it on PC yet lol, I’ve always found the freedom of just wandering around without the inhibitions of deciding the fate of some shithole desert too appealing to follow through with any of them

        one of my favorite characters just ended up spending the rest of his days forever lying low in a crappy slum apartment in the Vegas outskirts after bombing the shit out of the entire Strip

      • Ugh, unfortunately, striking a balance between canon dialogue and original dialogue is still a struggle for me, even to this day. I don’t want to be unfaithful to the original, but I don’t want it to be a boring rehash. I can’t say I’ve nixed this problem yet, but I can say that I’ve gotten better. Just compare this shitfest and the Kore wa Zombie fic to some of my other works like Ties That Bind and Two Across and you’ll see an improvement, however small.

        At least my failures make for great riff material! And as odd as it sounds, the Library’s riffs really do help me improve.

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