1789: The Shadow Warriors – Chapter TwoPosted: June 15, 2017
Title: The Shadow Warriors
Author: Shadow knight1121
Topic: Justice League
URL: Chapter 2
Critiqued by BatJamags (GoodJamags and BadJamags)
Hello! *Waves* I’m your guest host, GoodJamags, and I’m back for more of the Edgy Edgelords. I mean the Shadow Warriors!
BadJamags can’t be with us today for reasons that don’t involve his being tied up in the basement.
Muffled Voice: I didn’t even think we had a basement!
Quiet, you! Anyway, last time, our edgy protagonist by the name of Shadow attacked an evil night club, sucked at it, but got away with it anyway. Also, he made a “your mom” joke and expected to be taken seriously. I was forced to disappoint him.
Well then, let’s see what we’ve got in store for us today!
Chapter 2: Recruitment Drive
Oh, dear, that reminds me: did I leave the Rancor pit open again?
Oh, I suppose I did. I need to be more careful about that.
Authors Note: Wow thank you everyone for the reviews everyone.
*Alarms blare again*
Oh, and I forgot to feed him. How could I be so forgetful? Poor Cuddles.
Danielwilks, Tonycakes, DigitalEmperor001, AgedZen-01 ,Spartan S-999 and JediMasterChris1 thank you for your reviews and oc’s I hope I write them well.
I hope you don’t. Otherwise, why am I wasting my time here?
Anyways here’s the next chapter I hope you all like it.
Disclaimer: I do not own Batman just the oc’s.
Disclaimer: disclaimers don’t actually serve any purpose.
Line breaks do, though!
Four years after the gothic nightclub incident
Already? If anything, they should’ve backed up to show us where Edgelord got all of his gadgets and training.
Shadow and his friends have been somewhat notorious in Gotham. They started out small taking out some gang hide outs and illegal rackets and mob bosses. Jayden also known as Shadow along with his girlfriend Alexandra and his little brother Jason both known as Breeze and Dusk helped him against his fight against evil.
And this is the first mention of his even having a brother. Besides, we’re being shown this as though it’s new information, when most of it isn’t.
And “Dusk” is yet another 90’s-esque edgelordy name. Lovely
There was only one problem they were not the Batman and they were not the justice league.
Yes, I have that problem too. It’s really annoying, and I’d solve it if I knew how. For now, I figure that if I just say that I’m Batman enough, maybe it’ll come true.
Though they did their best to help people the police issued warrants for their arrest. They always got away before they showed up those were the easy nights the difficult nights was when they were too busy with the thugs to escape in time and get surrounded by SWAT teams and helicopters. The hard nights were when the Batman showed up.
Hang on. Stop. If the GCPD tolerate Batman, there’s no reason they should have an issue with Edgelord, unless he’s running around killing people or not turning them in to the proper authorities.
It was harder on Breeze and Dusk when Batman showed up not because he beat the crap out of them.
Which he did.
Not because he caught them.
Which again he did.
I feel like the “caught them” part should go before the “beat the crap out of them” part. How can he beat the crap out of them without catching them?
It was because every time Batman had shown up Shadow always went after him. Usually he was able to throw Batman off sometimes he had to have Breeze and Dusk drag him away.
Yeah, kid, you wouldn’t last five minutes against Batman. If we’d been shown that he knew what he was doing, I’d buy it, but we’ve been shown that he’s an idiot.
But every time Batman showed up it always meant trouble for the three of them.
And what’s Batman’s issue with them? The guns? Because that doesn’t make any sense. Both Jason Todd and Damian Wayne have gotten away with actually killing people, and Bats still works with them regularly.
One night was bad when the three went out to stop Two-Face from robbing a bank. It was real simple break into his headquarters late at night, beat the crap out of his thugs and send the bastard back to Arkham where he belongs. It was a simple plan.
One: How do you know he was going to rob the bank?
Two: On what charges do you expect the police to arrest him before he robs the bank?
Three: Two-Face is going to be ready for costumed vigilantes to come knocking. What’s your plan for dealing with multiple heavily-armed henchmen other than just kind of punching them and hoping you don’t get shot?
What is it?
Only they weren’t the only ones who had that plan.
Nah. It’s stupid enough that Edgelord came up with this plan. I refuse to believe that two different people were this stupid in this way.
Before they could break in Shadow had caught sight of Batman and let his damn pride get in the way. In short they had gotten their asses handed to them and alerted Two-Face. Batman chased after Harvey while Shadow and his crew slipped away defeated.
OK, this is a little ridiculous. I think Batman would be more concerned with taking down Two-Face than with facing off against other vigilantes and giving away the whole stupid plan.
After that humiliating defeat they had to lay low for a while and hope to god the cops or Batman didn’t follow them back to headquarters. Currently they were all lounging in their living room doing something to take their minds off their humiliating defeat.
Or, y’know, you could actually try to cover your tracks as you retreat? I guess those basic tactics are a bit too much for Edgelord here to handle.
Ally was sitting on the couch messing around on her computer, Jason was listening to his music and Jayden was playing video games.
Oh, they seem real scared that they’ll be found. I’m very worried for them.
He knew that there was still tension between him and his friends after what had happened and it was killing him.
Show, don’t tell.
After his character had died for the millionth time Jayden shouted at the T.V. and threw his controller on the floor smashing it to pieces as he turned to his friends.
Geez, no need to throw a tantrum, Edgelord. Try to display a little more maturity than BadJamags.
Muffled Voice: You do that too and you know it!
I told you to shut up!
“Dammit, how many times do I have to say I’m sorry!” He shot up as the two just sat there.
Hey, watch firing that gun off. You could accidentally shoot that chunk of Void!
“We’ve forgiven you,” Ally said. “We’re just not ready to trust you.”
If they’re not ready to trust him, then why have they been following him for four years?
“What the hell are you talking about?” Jayden scoffed.
I know, it’s confusing me, too.
“Dude, you’ve been so obsessed with trying to beat Batman that we don’t think you’re fit to be a leader anymore.” Jason said causing Jayden to scowl at him. Jason raised his hands in defense as he tried to calm his brother down. “I don’t mean you suck as a leader I mean you need to let your grudge with Batman go.”
Yeah, seriously, Edgelord, what is your beef?
Mine is a medium sirloin with barbeque sauce. It’s pretty delicious.
Jayden’s expression softened a little as he sat back down. Ally clicked off her computer and sat next to him. She placed his hand on his as he looked up to her with his different colored eyes.
Ah, yes, heterochromia. A very rare genetic condition causing person’s eyes to have different colors, often seen as a side effect of being a Sue or Stu. It’s a step down from mood ring eyes, but still obnoxious. Yes, it exists. No, it doesn’t make sense for your OC to have it. It’s overplayed.
Even though it pained her to see him so sad she always loved how innocently cute he looked.
Well, I will admit that he’s adorable, but that comes more from how cool he thinks he is.
“Why do you hate him so much?” She asked as he let out a heavy sigh.
Edgelord: One day, I was in the park, eating ice cream. And then… Batman kicked me!
“I told you he failed me.” He said.
“I know you told us,” She said. “He failed to save your parent so you spent your life turning yourself into the ultimate warrior to take him down.
That is the single stupidest origin I’ve ever heard.
You know who else didn’t save your gender-neutral parent (Vaarsuvius, izzat you?)? Superman. Do you want to take him down? Wonder Woman didn’t save your parent either. Do you want to take her down? Are you going to take down every superhero who didn’t save your parent? Are you going to take down every police officer, soldier, or federal agent who didn’t save your parent?
Or was there some specific situation in which Batman failed to save your parent? Because it’s still stupid that you’d train to fight a guy who, in your eyes at least, couldn’t cut the mustard. It would be a fine enough excuse to say that Batman isn’t all he’s cracked up to be, but it really doesn’t make sense to try to defeat him because of it.
But why do you hate him, there’s got to be more?”
Alright, by all means, tell me more. Try not to embarrass yourself any further.
Jayden took another breath and leaned back in his chair.
“When I was a boy and my father was killed he was a very dear friend to one Bruce Wayne.” Jayden explained. “He adopted me after my father’s funeral and took care of me ever since. While I lived with him I met another boy who was just like me.”
Oh, goody. Another bonus Wayne-ward. I’m shocked.
“What was his name?” Jason asked.
“Jason Todd.” He said as Jason’s ears perked up. “When I found you in that alleyway you reminded me so much of him so I named you after him.” Jason smiled at Jayden before his expression dropped.
Well, that doesn’t make things confusing at all, does it?
“Wait, what happened to Jason?” He asked.
“Like I said I had met Jason but I also met a young woman name Barbra.” He said.
“He died.” It’s not hard to say. And please attempt to spell Barbara’s name right. She helped us survive the last badfic, so she deserves better.
“Aw, you’re Aunt Barbra.” Ally cooed.
“Yes anyways,” Jayden grumbled which caused Ally to giggle. “I had met my Aunt Barbra and my brother Jason. They were my family and I loved them.
Edgelord: I did the thing and the other thing. Then I felt emotion, like the squishy emotional human I am.
Hell I loved them so much I had almost forgotten who my real family was. Anyways, when Jason and I got into trouble Barbra would be smacking our heads in. Those were good times. But like all my good times before they had to end with blood.”
Edgelord: PAIN AND RAGE AND EDGINESS!
His expression fell once again as Ally scooted closer to him. “It was around when I was fourteen when I burst through the hospital doors only to find my Aunt lying in a hospital bed and doctors telling me that she was crippled for life.” His hands started gripping his pants tightly as he continued. “Someone put a bullet in her spine.”
You act like you didn’t know that this had happened when you went to the hospital. What were you there for? Stealing medications?
Ally and Jason remained silent as he continued.
Thanks for this useful piece of information. Generally, you can indicate that someone isn’t talking by not having them talk.
“Then a few months later that same person who crippled my aunt,” He paused as he started panting and trembling. “Killed my brother!”
Edgelord: He had six fingers on his right hand. When I meet him, I will tell him: Hello, my name is Edgelord-o Montoya. You crippled my aunt and killed my brother. Prepare to die.
He was breathing heavily trying to control his temper as Ally rubbed his back and Jason didn’t know what to do. He wanted to help him but he just couldn’t.
Not the best time for a backrub.
“When, I found out Batman still didn’t do anything to save him I decided to take matters into my own hands.
Batman didn’t do anything to-
You’re an idiot. There’s a slight difference between “didn’t do anything” and “couldn’t do anything.” Namely, the fact that Batman is not remotely at fault here. How about you go take down the Joker? Or did that idea not cross your mind?
I spent nights looking for him until one night I finally found him. I failed, he put a bullet in my head and I spent two years in a coma.”
Oh, well then.
Why did you start training to fight Batman, when clearly you also couldn’t stop the Joker? You can’t accuse someone of not doing something unless you could’ve done better in that situation.
“Jesus Jayden,” Ally shrieked. “He shot you in the head!”
Why yes. That is a thing he just said. I’d question how he survived with no brain damage, except he obviously is brain damaged weirder things have happened in comics.
“Yeah, I wasn’t as skilled as I am now but after a shit ton of physical therapy I was able to finally go back to normal.” Jayden said.
Wow, way to dismiss a traumatic event that should’ve caused a permanent injury.
“I’m sorry I know this is all horrible and I do feel for you, but I am having trouble connecting this to Batman. Shouldn’t you be mad at the guy who tried to kill you?”
Yeah, I’m with Captain Unattributed here.
“Hear me out, when I awoke from my coma I had heard that Batman had caught the guy who did me in but he didn’t finish him.” Jayden chuckled. “Can you believe that? The guy crippled my aunt, killed my brother and put a bullet in my head and he was still running and gunning and he still is to this day.”
So? It’s not like Batman not killing is news to you. If you think Joker should be killed, go do it! Don’t waste time fighting Batman.
Oh, sorry. Spoilers. It’s the Joker.
“What do you mean, who is he?” Jason asked causing Jayden to chuckle.
Wait, why didn’t they ask this question before?
“The Joker.” Both Jason and Ally froze as Jayden started to laugh. “Can you believe it after all that blood and all that torment he still couldn’t take that freak out!”
I’m not sure why he’s laughing about this. That seems like something Mr. J himself would do.
“Jayden, I’m so sorry.” Ally said in a nurturing tone.
Not sure exactly what a nurturing tone is, but OK. It’s more fun if you move the space four letters to the left.
“Yeah, me too,” Jayden said. “Anyways, once I was fully healed I spent a year training myself and designing my father’s project in order to take him out. Look I’m sorry I failed you as a leader but I promise from now on I will not,”
I mean, if your purpose is to go beat up Batman, then shouldn’t you just be up front about that?
He was cut off when an alarm on his computer started going off. Ally rushed over and started clicking buttons rapidly.
“It’s Two-Face again, he’s robbing another bank.” She explained.
That was fast. Or is this not the same night when they broke into his lair? Some indication of the timeline would be nice.
“I’m going after him you two can either come with or stay here.” He explained as he ran over to a hidden wall revealing his outfit. “Either way I am done hiding.”
Wait, why would you hide the wall? Wouldn’t it be more logical for the wall to be visible and the outfit-y-spot to be hidden?
“Please, like we would let you go alone.” Jason scoffed.
“Some leader.” Ally joked.
“F’ the both of you.” Jayden grumbled as he pulled his clipped his mask on.
This dialogue sure is endearing and not boring. And I still don’t know why the four-year timeskip was necessary.
Meanwhile at the bank Two-Face and his crew were gathering up all the money as some of his thugs rounded up all the hostages. They were armed with high powered assault rifles and wore mask which one half was white and the other was black.
Whoa! Who gave the hostages assault rifles and Two-Face masks? And why are they still hostages if they have all that?
“Alright people,” Harvey said. “You have been co-operative so I have no reason to harm any of you. So let’s keep it that way.”
“Bullshit, kill all of them and leave them one to show we are to be feared.” Two-Face growled.
“No, we must have them think we are rational otherwise we will lose our supporters who still believe we have a mental disorder and they will have us killed.” Harvey explained.
Uh. Harvey? You just had an argument with yourself. I’m pretty sure you do have a mental disorder. And if Gotham had the death penalty, pretty much half of Batman’s rogue’s gallery would’ve been offed by now.
This went on for a few minutes when a random thug saw something move in the shadows.
Can you try to keep the narration formal? The thug isn’t random. Two-Face hired him and he’s presumably been here the whole time. In fact, some would say he’s a rather deliberately-placed thug.
“Boss, I think someone else is here.” He said in a shaky voice.
“Spread out, I want whoever he is found and brought to me alive.” Harvey ordered.
Muffled Voice: Coin toss bullshit!
Just then the power went out and everyone started to panic. Harvey let out a growl of frustration as he went to order his men, but before he could he heard a shout and then silence. One by one all his men were disappearing until there was one left.
Well, that was abrupt. It’s almost like this author can’t write action.
He started panicking as he fumbled with the light on his gun he got it on but it mattered not as he disappeared into the shadows. Two-Face let out another growl as he walked over to the assault rifle that was still lit. He picked it up and walked over to his group of hostages.
And how is it this dark inside the bank? It has windows, doesn’t it?
“Hey, I don’t know if your Batman or not,” He panicked. “But unless you don’t want to mop up the remains of theses hostages I suggest-“ He stop talking as he shined his light to an empty area where his hostages used to be. “NO!”
Yeah, no. There’s no way Edgelord got all of the hostages out without making any noise. At that point, it would’ve just been easier to take Harvey down from behind while he was busy facing the hostages.
Just then he started firing at random all around the room. He coated the entire room in bullets until he ran out of ammo. He tried to load another clip but then a shot rang out through the room and Harvey’s gun went flying out of his hands.
No. Guns aren’t that accurate, and even if they were, Harvey’s hand is fried anyway.
Harvey looked over to see Shadow pointing a .44 magnum at him.
It’s pitch black, remember? If Harvey could see Shadow so clearly, then he could’ve seen him grab the thugs.
“You know it’s times like these I wish I never voted for you,” Shadow joked. “I only did it because Bruce was your friend.”
It’s not Harvey’s fault he got acid-splashed. In fact, it only happened because he was a little too good at his job.
“Bruce…That’s a name I haven’t thought of in a while.” Harvey said. “That’s the name of a traitor! Anyways, I had thought you and your friends had quit when Batman had kicked your ass.”
I think the author doesn’t know how to change the subject of a conversation, so he just has the characters start talking about something else.
Shadow smirked as he pulled the trigger and planted a round into Two-Face’s shoulder. He fell to the ground as Breeze and Dusk ran up behind him.
Holy crap, he just shot Two-Face! They better escort him to the hospital and get that gunshot wound checked out before he bleeds out and-
“Great job escorting the hostages out Breeze,” Shadow said. “Who taught you to be so sneaky?”
Or you can just pat each other on the back. That works too.
“Catwoman.” She swooned. “She’s so…strong and beautiful and,”
Is Ally Edgelord’s girlfriend or Catwoman’s?
“We get it.” Shadow and Dusk said in unionization.
*Snerk* I dub them the Edgelords’ Guild of America!
In fact, that’s what I’m going to call their little group. They are now the EGA.
[Note from THE FUTURE: Hey, that’s pretty good. I forgot about this and ended up calling them the Dork Patrol. I’ll think about changing it.]
“So, we should get going and let the cops take care of Harvey.” Dusk said.
So… Just going to ignore the gunshot wound?
Alright, then. Just let me set up a counter, because I know this is going to be a repeated problem.
Shadow Kill count: 3
Two-Face and the two guards he pistol-whipped.
Shadow nodded when he started to hear something sloshing around. He turned around and frowned under his mask as he stood between his friends and Harvey.
“Get behind me guys.” Shadow said as he drew his sword.
Why does he keep using his sword?!
Just then Harvey’s appearance started to change from a person to a giant brown puddle of mud. The mud moved around until it started to rise and then formed a giant being.
And I’ll have to leave this off on that cliffhanger because this chapter is too long for its own good.
Muffled Voice: Does this mean you’ll let me out now?
Nah, I think I’ll let you stew.