1787: The Lone Wolf Of The Normandy — Chapter 1 Part 2Posted: June 13, 2017
Hello hello all you Patrons! And welcome back once again to the fetid pile of rampant Stupidity that is The Lone Wolf of the Normandy.
“Last time we got introduced to Logan-B312, aka. *gags* The Grim Reaper, aka. *gags harder* Hyper-Lethal Vector. He got left behind on Reach when the Covvies invaded and almost got himself killed, but then brought back to life by some Forerunner AI called Militant Bias that spent basically the whole rest of the chapter giving him upgraded armor – sorry, upgraded “amour” – upgraded biomedical shit, upgraded weapons to fire upgraded bullets, a Slipspace thingy in his tactical pad that lets him carry basically an entire armory’s worth of gear around and teleport it out whenever he needs it, the military AI Auntie Dot as his own personal assistant on a chip in his helmet, and probably for that matter an upgraded meter-long dick as well. Then he got sent through a portal to what I can only assume is this Eden Prime place the summary talked about, and that was really about it.”
Show and Tell Counter: 6
Amorous Counter: 26
You know, I was kind of too paralyzed by the sheer amount of Gary Stu military bullshit on display in the last chapter to do anything but point out how all of these accouterments were stupid, but now that I have some time to sit back and think it over I really just find myself wondering why Militant Bias would possibly have any reason to do all of this.
Forerunner AIs in canon don’t typically go out of their way to save or assist humans in danger, and in any case he had the entire Battle of Reach to do that and didn’t, so the only real plausible explanation I can think of is that there is some connection between the Forerunners, Protheans, Flood, and Reapers that would give Bias some sort of imperative to prevent the next Arrival from taking place- but he never told Noble-Stu anything about the Reapers or really anything at all about what he was supposed to do on Eden Prime whatsoever!
Eden Prime,2183 CE
Appearing out of a blue portal.
Oh. Goodie. The sentence fragments. Are back.
The 7’4 Spartan-III commando appeared and looking around he saw that he was in the Woods.
*sigh*… Remember when Halo was actually good?
Looking in the sky, he saw the weirdest ship he had ever saw in his life but not the biggest. It was black-grey coloured and looked like some kind of squid with arms sticking out everywhere with red lightning around the ship, almost as if it was breaking down but it seemed fine.
… Wow. And here I thought Mass Effect 3 undersold the Reapers.
“Dot. Where are we?” Six asked her as he looked around. Making sure the area was secure of Hostile with his Battle rifle in hands as he began securing the area.
*BLARING ALARM BLARES*
Ok, Fisher, time to do your thing!
“Why do I always have to be the one who fights the random people who break in here? They’re here to kill you, why don’t you go and deal with ’em?”
Sure, I’ll do the fighting if you promise to maintain the facility’s Excel spreadsheets for me- don’t worry, I’ve been keeping up a few dozen binders to explain the formulas used, you should do fine.
“… I’ll get my rifle.”
Dot began to search for any networks that she could hack into and finally finding something. She started to download, getting all the information she could get before she spoke to Six.
” Do you want the good news? or the bad news?” Dot asked him, making the Spartan-III want to pinch the bridge of his nose accept the helmet was in the way.
” What’s the Good News?” Six asked her.
” Well….we’re alive“
“Where you two‘re concerned, that is pretty much the opposite of good news.”
Dot laughed slightly trying to crack a joke to get Six to smile. She knew it would take more then that to make him smile though. He was more of a machine then her, all the Spartans were really But she would make him human or die trying.
” The Bad News?
” Well… from what I’ve managed to get, I have come to the conclusion that we’re not in our universe” Dot told Six through the helmet comms.
” Well For one the date is 2183 and there is no information about the UNSC. Humanity soldiersgo by the name the SystemsAlliance.”
“There no information about the Covent Races. Not that there would be as we didn’t discover them for a few hundred years yet….”
“However there is information about all kinds of different species ofalien’s that are apart of something called the Citadel council “Dot told him while Six just stood there as he processed everything that Dot had told him.
You know, I’ve always wondered why basically every Halo-ME crossover on FF.net involves some number of UNSC forces (typically Spartans) sent into the Mass Effect universe, and none are the other way around. I for one would love to see the Citadel Council have to take on the Covenant some time…
“That portal was one way….wasn’t it?” Six asked her despite already knowing the answer.
“I’m afraid so…I should of never made you run through it. This is all my fault! With all our new upgrades we could of finally ended this war for good.”
“But like the idiot I am I made you run through an unknown portal.” Dot berated herself and if she had a physical body then Six knew she would no doubt be punching herself.
“No, I’m pretty sure that was all Logan’s fault. Since, you know, he’s a complete fucking dumbass.”
That, and a little bit of Militant Bias’s fault for not telling him where the goddamn thing went.
“Calm down.” Six told her.”We’re here now, so we’ll just have to adapt.” Six told his new partner. Was he annoyed that he was apparently in a complete different new universe then the one he was born in?…..yes. A little bit but he was a Spartan and he would adapt.
I, on the other hand, am annoyed a whole helluva lot.
“Okay.” Dot said as she calmed down slightly.”Lets go see what this new universe had in store for us, shall we?” She suggested to her partner.
“Might as well.” Six replied to her as he headed in the direction of the huge ship in the sky. Walking though the woods. Six heard a sound and looking up into the sky. He saw a ship coming down toward the surface that looked different from the ships he was used to seeing as it was in an unknown design.
If he had to guess he would say it was a stealth ship due to how small it looked but then again ships in the new universe might have been smaller then the ships from his universe.
“Because the best way to ID a stealth ship is… the size?”
… don’t worry, it makes just as much sense to me- namely, zero.
On the side of the ship from what he could see with his advanced eyesight were the words SSV NORMANDY.
Deciding to run through the woods hoping to avoid being by the soldiers that were probably on the ship and would no doubt want answers at why a 7’4 armoured being was on the planet and where he got his weapons and amour from.
Ok, so, on one hand I’m facepalming over here about Logan running and hiding from what is clearly a human vessel, but on the other I can see why UNSC forces would be more paranoid about revealing themselves to any unknown faction simply because basically all of their experience with unknowns has involved the Covenant- or worse. In a well-written story, it would be interesting to see that attitude have to adapt to a world like Mass Effect‘s where not every alien is an enemy, and for that matter humanity itself is much less united and much less trustworthy.
This is not a well-written story.
Six finally got out of the woods to see a small hill before sprinted down it. Once the Spartan-III was at the bottom he saw a female soldier who was wearing white Amour with pink highlights that showed of her feminine build nicely that showed of her wide hips and long legs.
She was fighting what looked to be somekind of mechs or robots that had what looked to be flash lights for Head…well head was pushing it as if anything it looked more like a camra to see through.
Oh, as opposed to all of those cameras out there that exist to play music?
The lieutenant put his battle rifle on his back before summoning his sniper rifle then aimed down the sights then activated his active camo to go invisible to the world.
He aimed down the sights before aiming at the head of the robot before he fired a single bullet at it with the new and improved hard-light bullet ripping through the mech like a hot knife through butter.
The bullet went straight through the mech taking it out in one shot. Six might of not been in the same level as Jun with a sniper but he was a decent shot. Jun however made sniping look like an art. There was a reason he was considered the best sniper of the Spartan-III’s.
Ok, people, time for more technology talk.
No, seriously, listen up. This is important.
What’s interesting about Halo and Mass Effect is that they’re both relatively hard science-fiction settings where technology has developed in very different directions with different strengths and weaknesses that are actually kind of hard to quantify. While there are all sorts of different ways that these technological synergies could be exploited, let’s look in particular at weapons and defensive systems.
The UNSC, by and large, does not use energy shields, and while obviously more sophisticated in many respects they still rely on essentially the same explosive-propelled bullet technology as terrestrial weapons- these bullets, in turn, are routinely able to bore through Covenant and UNSC armor and shields. Contrast this with Mass Effect‘s much more sophisticated “hyper-massive needle” weapons, which have much more raw power by default and yet aren’t that much more effective at wearing down Mass Effect‘s own shields and armor materials- this would suggest that those defensive mechanisms are correspondingly more durable than the UNSC’s. Things get more complicated when you start to introduce ship-scale weapons and Covenant plasma technology, but the fact remains that very likely UNSC infantry-grade equipment is far inferior to corresponding equipment used throughout the Mass Effect universe. Add to that Mass Effect‘s seemingly greater availability of genetic and cybernetic augmentations (remembering that the Spartan procedures were experimental and expensive), and it actually doesn’t paint a good picture for Logan here being able to hold his own against the geth.
Or, well, at least it wouldn’t if Santa Claus the Monitor hadn’t given him a bunch of God Mode upgrades that will probably let him take entire Reapers apart with his bare hands.
Gunnery Chief Ashley Williams.
“Yes, well, what about her?”
a woman around the age of twenty six, was currently fighting for her life, against the Geth that hadn’t been seen outside the veil for over three hundred years.
All right, so whose POV is this supposed to be, exactly? If it’s Ash’s, why does she only know her own age approximately? If it’s Logan’s, how does he know what the geth are and more importantly why does he care that Ash Williams is around twenty-six years old?
“So after that we get some pointless retelling of how Williams’ unit got wiped out, and Spartan (of course) shows up and saves her ass but then he just runs away again rather than try to explain the situation to her, and leaves her alone in hostile territory to fend for herself and possibly get killed again. And then it’s the next scene.”
Walking through the woods after landing on the planet was one Commander Jane Shepard. A young woman who was around twenty seven years old. She had blood red hair that was currently styled in a bob cut with a few bangs across her forehead, emerald green eyes with a few freckles underneath her eyes, which made her rather cute. A white milky Skin Tone, full pink lips and stood around 5’6.
She was wearing black amour with a red strip going down one of the arms showing her rank as Commander and had an N7 logo printed on her left breast. The amour showed of her toned body that had taken years to get with it showing of her wide hips and long legs, along with her modest chest. In her arms was her trusty Avenger assault rifle.
“Ok, seriously, what the fuck?”
I keep having to check the title page to make sure that this ‘fic was not, in fact, written by EclipsePheniox.
Next to her was Lt Commander Kaidan Alenko. Who was thirty two years old and had cropped black hair, dark brown eyes ,tanned skin and stood around 6’0. He was wearing Standard black alliance amour that showed of his impesive physic that he had gained from his career being a soldier
You know, I was going to say that at least the description was an equal-opportunity objectifier, but the females still got it much, much worse.
and in his hands was a Pistol that was his main weapon due to being a biotic.
Both he and the Commander were walking through the woods as they tried to locate the Prothean beacon that humanity had discovered Hidden underground on the planet. They had gotten a distress message that Eden Prime was under attack by unknown forces.
You know, SSJ, as difficult as it may be for you to believe, the majority of people browsing the Mass Effect section of ff.net have in fact played the first Mass Effect game.
They Had One More Solder with them But he was Killed a Few Minutes ago as he Didn’t Raise his Shield’s and the Drones Shot him to Pieces and Killed him Instantly and Had To Leave his Body until the Mission was Finished.
Oh my God just About every Other word In that Sentence is Capitalized for No comprehensible Reason.
“So these two meet up with Williams, and not a lot else happens for about a page, and then it’s back to Spartan.”
The Spartan-III commando was currently fighting some kind of grey humanoid creatures. They were currently charging at lieutenant with the Spartan who took out his magnum then aimed the gun at their heads, Killing them easily.
Wait, there’s another Lieutenant with the Spartan?
“Please don’t send me back into the ‘fic, please don’t send me back into the ‘fic, please don’t send me back into the ‘fic…”
They seemed very dumb and charged at him with no plan and fought like wild beasts just swinging their arms all over the place in hope of getting a lucky hit on the Spartan-III.
“So, in other words, they’re roughly Logan’s equal in tactical insight.”
” Dot. what are these things?” Six asked her after he killed the last one by crushing it skull in with his hand.
Dot then began scanning the bodies thanks to the scanner the amour had. ” Theirentire Bodies are dead and has been replaced with cybernetics.”
Wait, if their entire bodies have been replaced with cybernetics that would just make them robots.
“From the scans it shows that they used to be humans…most probably the colonist.However by some means they’ve Been turned into these things and if I had to Guess by them poles” Dot said to him while he looked up at the silver poles on the hill.
“… ‘them poles’?”
“They are literally walking zombies…there is nothing that makes them human any more. I have no idea how it is even possible to turn the humans into….well I guess you could call them husks.“
And of course he just happens to independently hit on the same name that Shepard and Co. decided to name them in canon because being creative is haaaaard.
“This attack couldn’t of happened that long ago. A few hours a max. it should of taken weeks to turn a single human into one of these…things.”
“Let’s go, Six. We need to stop any more colonist from becoming one of these husks.”Dot said clearly angered at what had happened to the colonist. Even if they were the humans from their universe they were still humans and to have this happen was evil and wrong.
“Which is why you just left one such human to a probable grisly fate five minutes ago!”
Also, once again, does the author seriously think that he needs to remind us that eviscerating live prisoners with three-meter-tall metal spikes to turn them into disposable zombie soldiers is wrong, or else we’ll start rooting for the Reapers?
“Agreed.” Six replied to his partner before he ran Passed a few bunkers. Unaware that two scientists saw the 7’4 Spartan, killing the husks and ran passed them.
“Wait, the scientist killed the husks that were chasing Spartan?”
The lieutenant ran down the hill where he saw the strange ship near the docks. The Spartan-III then summoned his sniper rifle again before he aimed down the sights. Where he looked around until he saw two unidentified aliens down at the spaceport.
So we rehash the meeting between Nihlus and Saren pretty much as canon, and then of course Logan gets his sniper on and saves Nihlus.
“Right, because he totally knows which of these two aliens he has never seen before and can’t hear talking is the good guy and which one is the bad guy.”
So many of these Mass Effect plot-regurgitation ‘fics save Nihlus, but none of them ever actually have him do anything either in providing diplomatic cover with the Council or directly assisting Shepard’s crew. In fact, nine times out of ten he never appears again once Eden Prime is done, and I guarantee you that’s what’s going to happen here.
It was around this time that a squad of Geth and husks appeared to support Saren. It was also the same time Jane with her team arrived.
“What the hell!?” Jane said in shock as she saw the Fire fight going on as they had just found two scientist’s who had told them that a huge black armoured being was on the planet killing the Geth and Husks, the giant had started killing them with ease.
Jane would find the giant being and bring him in for questioning. It was too suspicious that it was on the planet the same time it was under attack.
“That’s… the first actually sensible thing anyone in the story has said so far.”
From the description of it’s armour and weapons then she would make it tell her where it got them from. As it put the rest of the galaxy at a huge disadvantage.
Of course it did. Because actually interacting with another franchise as equals is just totes lame.
Jane shook her head as she had a mission and she had to save Nihlus before it was too late. Shepard charged at the enemy with her team, while a sniper was taking down most of the Geth and Husks with ease as she took out her assault rifle and began firing.
Saren swore from where he was as he just avoided another shot from the deadly sniper.
“Ok, how many geth has he shot so far? Because unlike those gravity guns you showed me that Shepard and her squad are using, UNSC sniper rifles have a finite mag size!”
Oh, calm down. I’m sure Santa Claus just gave him a five-billion-round Hammerspace clip etched with Elder Signs or something along with all the other shit.
Things were not turning out like they were meant to at all. He was supposed to just kill his old friend Nihlus and blame it on humanity. But he didn’t expect the intervention of a damn sniper to change his plans….and take his damn off.
“Take his what off?”
His damn. It’s an important component of turian anatomy, I swear!
“Hold them off!” Saren ordered the Geth as he moved from cover. But as soon as he did his shields were taken down by the sniper and got shot in the in the back and shoulder making him scream out in Pain
“I must get to the beacon!” Saren Roared at the Geth Unit as he limped passed him as blue blood leaked from his wounds.
Six seeing the Turian getting away turned his attention to the remaining Geth
“Instead of, you know, shooting the turian that was getting away.”
and began firing on them, taking them out easily with his upgraded weaponry.
The combined forces of Six, Jane, Ashley, Kaidan and Nihlus proved to much for the enemy Forces, and soon they were wiped out. However Saren managed to get away.
Which we just saw…
Show and Tell Counter: 7
So they stand around on the landing pad for a while and check on Nihlus, and then lo and behold Six actually decides to make himself visible again!
“Obviously, something has changed.” An emotionless voice said behind them making them all spin around with Ashley being the closest spun around and saw a huge towering black armoured being and straight away seeing the worst.
“Geth!” Ashley roared as she aimed her gun at him. The Spartan-III kicked her in the stomach knocking the wind out of her and making the gunnery chief go flying back, away from the others.
I mean, OK, yeah, that’s probably something a Spartan physically could do to Ashley Williams (especially after he’s been super-augmented to be able to bench-press tanks and all that nonsense), but that’s still a dick move.
Jane seeing one of her team mates attacked, reacted like any solder would and started opening fire at the black armoured Geth as did Kaidan and Nihlus.
Six rolled out of the way as his energy shields flared up before he charged at the Alliance soldiers and Council Spectre. Six aimed for the human male first as he had the lightest amour so he concluded he would be the easiest.
With a hard elbow to the jaw. Six knocked him down to the ground before picking him up roughly then threw him at the Turian making both go tumbling to the ground before he ran and kicked the Turian in the jaw, knocking him out.
Six turned his attention to the red head who fired her gun at him making his shields pop up again before he saw her run at him and went to tackle him to the ground.
Only for the lieutenant of the UNSC to grab her arms then flip her over his shoulder before the red head landed on the floor roughly then winched as the giant stomped his foot on her chest.
“Stand down.” The armoured being told Shepard as she looked up at the golden visor.
Shepard clearly wasn’t expecting the giant thing to move that fast in the heavy amour and managing to take out trained soldiers and a spectre in mere moments, leaving the Commander at a loss for words.
“I’m going to remove my foot.” Six said to the Commander.”Attack me again…you will die.” Six warned her getting a nod from her as there wasn’t anything she could do, as the guy must of weighed a ton as she tried to move a few times.
Way to make a good first impression.
Especially when you’re fucking invincible and these people pose zero threat to you whatsoever!
“Whatever happened to just putting your hands in the air and saying ‘I’m not a geth’?”
Luckily she was wearing her amour otherwise it would have been slightly awkward as his foot was on her chest. While she certainly wasn’t busty like some woman but she wasn’t flat chested either.
I… just… why? Why did you think this was a good idea, SSJ?
Jane climbed to her feet slowly before she saw how tiny she really was compared to the armoured giant. She barely cam up to his chest and was around the top of his stomach.
“Name?” Six ordered Shepard in a no nonsense tone.
“Commander Jane Shepard of the Systems Alliance and you?” Shepard asked hoping to get some information out of him as well as trying to get regain what little pride she had left after she an N7 was taken down like a mere recruit.
By… letting him order her around even though she’s a Commander and he’s a Lieutenant?
“You know, after this is over a nice long bath in bleach and rubbing alcohol is sounding increasingly appealing.”
Just don’t let anyone set you on fire.
Six stood there for a moment. Wondering if he should tell her who he was but he supposed that she told him who she was so it was only fair.”Spartan B312 of the UNSC”
“Spartan?…like the ones from ancient Greece? What does the UNSC mean?” Jane asked him wanting to get some more information out of him.
“Classified.”Six told her blankly
“Then why did you even bring it up?”
before walking over to the knock out alien while Shepard pouted at being blown off by the now identified Spartan-B312.
“Dot check his condition?” Six ordered her.
“One moment.” Dot told Six. “Hmm from the looks of things, he’s just been knocked out.
You Spartans can be such brutes at times. Learn to hold back will Ya!”
“We’ll see.” Six replied back to her.
While Six was checking on Nihlus. Shepard went to check on Ashley and Kaidan. Checking that they were alright. Kaidan got up by himself, while Ashley needed a bit of help.
Oh, is she going to need a fine, strapping gentleman to hold doors for her now as well?
” Are you alright Williams?”Jane asked her as the gunnery chief rubbed her ribs.
” Yeah…or I will be Ma’am. Did you get that Geth unit?”Ashley asked hopefully.
“No I didn’t.”The commander informed her.”Besides it wasn’t a Geth. Just a really big human that took us all down like we were mere recruits” She told her, still a little bitter at the fact that She a trained N7 soldier was taken down like she was a mere recruit.
“Not sure how Williams wasn’t able to see Six still alive and standing right in front of her, but whatever.”
Six after shaking Nihilus awake
Which is totally a thing you can do to people who have been knocked unconscious by blunt-force trauma.
and got him up. At first, Nihlus tried to reach for his gun but only to be held back by Six
” I am not your enemy. “Six warned him.
“Well you got a funny way of showing it!”
” Attack me again however…” The lieutenant trailed off making his point to the Turian who seemed to get the message before he nodded as the wolf pulled him up of the ground.
It’s bad enough that they gave this guy eighty billion different stupid nicknames, but it’s worse when the narration actually starts using them.
“Spartan leads the way to chase after Saren because apparently the Alliance troops who actually know what’s going on didn’t come up with that idea on their own, and fights a bunch of geth hand-to-hand while the others sit around and ooh and ahh. Then they find that Beacon thing they were after, and he pretty much throws Auntie Dot at it.”
“What can you tell me about this thing?” Six asked his A.I partner.
“Hmm lets see” Dot mumbled to herself as she began to go through the data of the beacon. ” Oh you naughty boy, Saren. Setting this to self-destruct when somebody used it. Well we can’t have that now can we?” Dot said as she began to hack the beacon and began to disarm the Bomb.
Oh God, I bet this results in their having an intact Beacon to take back to the Council, and Nihlus Kryik alive to give testimony about what happened… and the Council will probably still react exactly the same way they did in canon, won’t they?
“This is amazing!” Kaidan said as he looked at the beacon. “Actual, working Prothean technology. unbelievable!”
Ashley however raised an eyebrow as he looked at it. “It wasn’t glowing like this when we dug it up…” She said as she began walking towards it” Something must have activated it.”
“What though?” Kaidan asked his fellow Alliance soldier.
“I’m not sure. Maybe somebody used it.” Ashley suggested.
“There all Done. I tell you Logan.These Prothean’s have nothing on Forerunner technology” Dot said to him smugly making Six smirk a bit.
Which shoots all sorts of holes in my “the Protheans and Forerunners were connected” theory, which I’d like to remind you is pretty much the only plausible explanation for why Logan is here in the first place…
“Roger that Normandy, Standing by.” Jane said into her comm then looked towards the others and saw Ashley and Kaidan talking to each other by the beacon. While Six was standing off at the side with what looked to be a shotgun in his Arms while Nihlus was next to her.
“Excellent work, Shepard. This Missio…” Nihlus began to say before Jane saw Ashley and Kaiden starting to get pulled towards the beacon against their will.
“Oh shit!” Jane cursed as she wasted no time and ran towards Kaidan before she threw him out of the way at the same time that Six ran and grabbed Ashley and used his thrusters to avoid getting pulled into the beacon.
Please oh please tell me this isn’t foreshadowing of pairings to come…
Looking behind. he saw the Commander floating in the Air and just hanging there like she was possessed or something.
“Dot? what’s Happening?”Six asked her as he didn’t want to grab the commander encase he hurt her from whatever was happening to her.
“From what I can see on the scans.It looks like the beacon is downloading something directly into her mind. Most probably whatever was Stored in the beacon.” Dot told Six before he saw Jane fall from the air and land on the hard floor.
Six went over to her and checked her pulse. Once he confirmed that she was alive, he picked her up gently being careful not to hurt her in anyway with Jane’s head resting on his shoulder. He saw her eyes fighting to stay open as she looked up at his golden visor.
“You may rest.” Six told the commander.
“She doesn’t need your fucking permission.”
“I will ensure you make it to your ship.” The lieutenant reassured her making her give a reluctant nod before her emerald green eyes slowly closed.
“D’awwwww.“Dot gushed at him.” You do care. Your a big softy at heart, Logan.“
I keep expecting his helmet to morph at any moment into an armor-plated fedora.
“Do you have a mute?”
“Nope! You get to listen to me 24/7. aren’t you lucky?“
Luckier than us readers, who have to listen to the both of you.
“Where’s your ship?” Six asked the two Alliance soldiers as he walked over to them. They informed him that the ship would be arriving in a few minutes.
Six nodded at them and waited for the ship to arrive. ” Well it looks Like Saren Escaped. What’s your plan once we leave the planet?” Dot asked him.
“Hunt down, Saren….then kill him.” B312 said blankly. The Turian had attacked humanity and thus had made an enemy out of Six.
“Logan sure does seem to know an awful lot about this conflict that he’s been a participant in for all of three hours.”
He would hid but eventually he would slip up and then Six would strike and kill the turian.
And cut! Well here the first updated chapter of the Lone Wolf of the Normandy. I hope you all enjoy it
We did not.
and hope it looks better then before.
And it would be hard for it to look any worse than it does now.
Not much else to say really. I will update the other chapters soon.
“Actually, please don’t.”