1775: Betrayal – Author’s Note and Chapter Two

Title: Betrayal
Author: Darksakudragon
Media: Anime
Topic: Naruto
Genre: Fantasy/Adventure
URL: Chapter One
Critiqued by Lyle

Hello, lovelies!  After some consideration (not a whole lot, mind you, just some) I’m dropping SONIC HIGH SCHOOL.  It was sapping my will to live and just wasn’t funny anymore.  So good riddance to the trollfic.  Let’s get back to the crackfic I’m doing, instead!

Last time, Sakura ran into Ino, who was turned into a moss-covered cat.  Ino told Sakura that she has a demon inside of her and then Sakura fake-exploded, the author threw a random-ass note into the middle of the fic explaining that Sakura didn’t actually explode, made fun of Ino, and then resumed the story.  Sakura decides to follow Ino’s advice of skipping town and we find out that Ino is actually serving a dark master (that the author reveals in her author’s notes to be Madara Uchiha, because what the hell is suspense and mystery about, right?)

With that, let’s start the next chapter, which is really an author’s note, because Darksakudragon doesn’t put enough author’s notes before, during, halfway through, and at the end of the prose as it is.

Author’s note:

dark-thundress:The next chapters depends on how many reviews(as much as 2 will do)i receive so that i

can continue on my next chapter.

Review pandering.  Oh joy of joys.

Sakura murmuring:What acts will i be doing next in the next chapter?

Well, all you did last chapter was walk around, explode, j/k not explode, and pack your bag so you could skip town.  Hopefully you’ll actually leave town and we will learn more about the demon inside you.  Although given what we’ve already seen, we will probably just see you explode again.

dark-thundress:i can’t tell i can tell you what chapter it will be you know.

You can’t tell her but you’ll tell her.  Right.  Got it.

Sakura:*sigh*fine,just tell me already so that i can’t go to sleep.

I wish I could say 100% that this author’s first language isn’t English, but the profile doesn’t actually say.

dark-thundress:Next chapter shall be…:demon summoning jutsu

Sakura O_.

Demon:You’ll get stronger…

So, this author’s note was begging for reviews and attempting to give a teaser of the next chapter.  That was worthwhile*.

*Not worthwhile at all.

Everyone:JA NE!

Everyone, stop.

The real chapter two opens with, you guessed it, more rabbits on crack!

dark-thundress fuming:You know…this is my 3rd attempt to do this story…

When first you don’t succeed, you really don’t have to keep trying.  It’s okay to give something up for lost.

Sakura yawning:Oh?Really?

dark-thundress:Yessssssssssssss!

Akira:What’s the fuss about?

Sakura:Err…that this is her 3rd attempt to do this story?

.Deja vu…

*the DRD alarm gives a pitiful squeak and goes silent*

It might have been hell having to listen to 10 hours of yodeling, but it seems to have paid off.

dark-thundress:Arghhhhhhh!Shut up!On with the fucking story!

Yes!  Thank you!

Disclaimer-I do not own I do own this Karin doll :(

Throws the doll into a fire chute

What did she ever do to you?!

*digs the Karin doll out of the fire and brushes it off*  You can help me riff this.  *props the slightly singed Karin against her monitor*

This is Karin, by the way.  She’s one of the Uzumaki clan members and was, for a while, part of Oorchimaru’s group.  She eventually joins Sasuke and, via association with him, is redeemed by the time everyone from the original series starts popping out babies.

 

3 days after her disappearance,the hokage namely,Tsunade,

Namely definitely does not belong there.  Tsunade is the only Hokage.

sent a squad of ANBUs to look for sending them away,she summoned Jiraiya,Genmai and Gai into her had a puzzeled look on his face but mumbeled a “hi” before sitting down while Genmai just kept quiet and Gai,jumped about shouting,”Oh!Tsunade-sama!How youthful you look today!You look s-“He didn’t get to finish his sentence as he was thrown outside the office by Tsunade(Who was drinking sake)that followed with a loud CRASH!Jiraiya and Genmai sweatdrop.

Genmai?  The only guy named Genmai in the Narutoverse is essentially an NPC who gets lost in the hills during one of the movies.  Do you, perhaps, mean Genma, author?  They are completely different people.

That aside, I will give the author another half-redemption cookie.  Gai, at least, is actually in character so far.

However… *smacks the counter*

I IS BADFIC!: 15

Sweatdropping is not good writing.  Show that they’re sweating or nervous. Don’t use visual anime tropes when writing a goddamned story.

She looked at them with a serious look on her face before continuing,”I want you guys to look for both Sasuke and Naruto for me.”Genmai had a shocked look on his face and he said quickly,”Demo!Tsunade-sama!

*snorts*

Demo!Tsunade is now my favorite Tsunade.  It’s got all the functionality of Full!Tsunade, but you only get to play the first level and it’s impossible to die.

You do know that you could send out the ANB-“”I sent the ANBUs on a far more important mission”,she said rather calmly.

How many ANBU do you think the village has?  The answer is “more than enough for multiple missions.”  Especially since they typically work in 3-man-squads.  There are far more than 3 ANBU in Konoha.

“Ok…demo,Sasuke would be quite difficult…Naruto,we could get him back mabye…but Sasuke?It’ll take days!And what makes you think that we could get him back?”,he questioned sacarsticaly(OH.)wrong thing to say.

Jiraiya is standing right there.  Naruto left the village with him (unless this is Post-Pain).  Just fucking ask him where Naruto is!  Jiraiya is Naruto’s mentor!

In a flash,a kunai was held against Genmai’s neck by the powerful sannin,

Which one?  There are two sannin in the room.  *points at both Tsunade and Jiraiya* And they’re both very powerful.

hokage, eyes were narrowed dangerously and she had a what-the-fuck-did-you-say?! look on her got up but when Tsunade looked at him,he got the message immediatly and sat down ,on the other hand..was still unconcious on the floor with a huge bump on his head(wow,imagine that).

Poor .., that floor can’t be very comfortable.  Someone get .. a pillow or something.

Tsunade said rather dangerously,”Listhen to me, of our most precious kunoichi,not to mention most powerful shinobi in Konoha has disappeared!Now,you listhen to me,I’m counting on you guys to bring both of them back!If they ever were to resist,beat them up!I don’t care what method you do to bring them back…JUST DO IT!”

Genmai nodded vigorously while Jiraiya sat there smirking and Gai…err…he’s still unconcious…so anyway,they all disappeared,leaving a very irritated Tsunade behind,rubbing her temples as she felt another headache coming through.

Maybe if she didn’t drink so much sake, she wouldn’t get such bad headaches.

Oh, look!  A line break!  That was a short-ass chapter.  Maybe I’ll knock out chapter three while we’re at it today!

dark-thundress:So?How?ok?Should I continue or should I not?

Please don’t.

Sakura with gleaming eyes:OH!YESYESYESYESYES!I’m a missing-nin huh?

Akira chewing dark-thundress hair:Mrmph…yesh…

dark-thundress:HEY!

throws Akira away

dark-thundress:anyway,here’s the ANBUs:

Oh great.  Let’s introduce more characters into our pointless author’s notes, shall we?

Neji:Hn

No.  *smack*

Kakashi:Yo

Nope.  *smack*

reads the icha-icha paradise

Kiba and Akamaru:YO guys!/Woof!

Yeeeea-negatory. *smack*

knocks Kakashi’s book into fire chute

Hinata:H-hi…Erm..K-kiba-kun?

Oh, most definitely not.

Kiba:yeah?

Tenten:Hiya guys..Kiba,you should be running,Kakashi’s afta ya.

Okay, you’re now up to five instead of three, and only one of them has ever been ANBU and he left it a long time ago.  Kakashi was ANBU when he was in his teens.  The others?  None of them are ANBU.  ANBU are the special forces; a chimera of the secret service, FBI, CIA, and hitmen.  Basically, they’re the ninja that ninja fear.  While Neji, Kiba (with his ninja hound Akamaru), Hinata, and Tenten are ninja to be reckoned with, none of them ever joined ANBU.  By the tentatively guessed Mid-Pain timeline this is written in, they’d all be part of normal ninja squads, chunin and jonin ranked but not ANBU.

Kiba and Akamaru runs in circle and gets knocked out by an angry Kakashi

Every one sweatdrop

Right…NOW!On with the STORY yeah!

Wait, what?  No!  Don’t tell me…. shit buiscuits.  That was another mid-chapter author’s note.  Jesus fucking a blow up doll.

*picks up her phone and sends a quick text*

With the ANBUs

*smacks the buzzer*

I IS BADFIC!: 16

Japanese terms are not pluralized like English.  It’s like Moose.  1 ANBU, Many ANBU.

“So,do you really think we could actually find Sakura?”,Tenten asked(quite nervously).Neji answered cooly,”Well,how hard is it to find a pink-haired kunoichi?She’s the only girl with pink besides,she’s weak.”

Only girl with pink hair?

 

While it is rare, she is not the only kunoichi with pink hair.

“HELLO?!Sakura Haruno is one of the most powerful shinobi AND kunoichi in Konoha!”,Kiba shouted with barked nervously in -one wants to challenge this Hyuuga.

This is why it is important to proof read.  God damn.

“Y-yeah..N-neji-kun…”,Hinata only reads his eww…icha-icha paradise ,both Kiba and Akamaru stopped all of a whole ANBU squad stopped too.

ANBU squads are, like typical ninja squads, made up of three ninja.  However, it is very rare that ANBU actually work together.  Much of the time, the go out in ones or twos.  Sending five, plus a ninja hound, is a huge waste of resources.

“what is it,Kiba?”,Tenten asked,fearing for her safety(?Scared?the weapons mistress?Buahahahaha!)

You took the words out of mouth, if far less eloquently than I would have used them.

.Anyway…Kiba’s body stiffened all of a started to looked scared but placed a brave look on her nearly pissed in his pants when he saw Kiba’s reaction(Hah!Pissed?The mighty Neji?!Haha!)

STOP.  JUST.  FUCKING.  STOP.  IT.

.Kakashi,however,continued with his reading(when is this pervy guy ever going to stop reading?)

He’s actually not that pervy.  He likes Icha Icha Paradise, but that’s akin to liking Nora Roberts, or even 50 Shades of Gray.  Icha Icha is a smutty romance novel.

.’Poot’.”Ahh…Argh!I sense a very familiar chakra!But…there are two of them?”,Kiba said softly while Akamaru had tears in his eyes.

Neji signalled to Kakashi and both ,Kakashi whispered to them cautiously,”Hey,you guys stay here first kay?We’re gonna approach those we need help,we’ll send a snap trough the air and then you guys come in kay?”All Kakashi and Neji disappeared.’Please be careful guys…‘The ANBUs thought.

*Koori poofs into the room in a swirl of leaves*  I got your text.

I need coffee, or alcohol, or both. This thing is painful.  Oh, also, can you put this out on Lina’s counter for me.  *hands Koori a jar with a slit in the lid. Taped to the front is a piece of paper reading “Crack Rabbit Rehab Fund”*

Koori:  Uhm?

Trust me.  The poor bunny narrating this story needs it.

Koori:  *reads over Lyle’s shoulder for a moment*  A rabbit is writing this?!  Oh, poor bun!

Yeah.  So put that out for me and get me something to drink.

Koori:  Right away!  *poofs back out in another swirl of leaves*

*picks a leaf off her shoulder and flicks it to the floor*  I really need to remind her to bring a broom with her if she’s going to keep doing that.

With Jiraiya,Genmai and Gai

Jiraiya soon spotted Naruto and Sasuke who were fighting said smirking,”Should we go in?”Gai frowned a bit before saying,”Lets ‘ll just wait till they’re tired or something…and then we capture them!”

Lets’ll.  Lets. I’ll.  Let us I’ll.  Let us I will.

I’m flabbergasted.

Jiraiya stared at him while Genmai had his mouth opened.”What?”,Gai asked.”I didn’t know you were smart enough to say out a !I didn’t even know you had a brain!”,Jiraiya lifted his eyebrow before saying(too loudly),”WHAT?!I AM A JOU-“He got knocked out by Genmai who muttered under his breath,”Man…do this guy ever shut up?”Jiraiya chuckled,”Well,apparently,he doesn’t…”

This added so much to the story.  I’m eternally grateful to have read it.*

*I’m lying.

Oh, thank God.  Another damn line break and author’s note.

dark-thundress:okay!Skip some part!In the end,they manage to capture Sasuke and Naruto!

Are you fucking kidding me?

Sakura:And bout his team?

Akira:Suigetsu,Juugo and that slutty bitch followed them.

What?  I… I don’t even know who these people are supposed to be.  I guess Juugo could actually be Jugo.  Our author has shown a great penchant for misspelling the names of the characters.  But who the hell is the girl?

Sakura eyes popping:Wow!They allowed that Baka slutty fucking bitch to actually follow them?!

Wow!  You can’t stay in character to save your mother fucking life, can you?!

Karin:Who’re you calling a Bitch?!Whore

Karin?  That’s who Sakura is talking about?  Holy monkey farts is that entirely inaccurate.  *grabs the slightly singed Karin doll and hugs it*  Don’t listen to the mean OOC Sakura.

dark-thundress sighing:Careful Karin…that’s the best compliment you’ve gotten so far…

How is that a compliment?  If that’s what our author thinks a compliment sounds like, I feel really bad for her experiences.

Karin angrily:Oh yeah?Why?

Sakura shoves Karin into pit of doom:Burn in hell bitch!

Karin screaming in pain:ARGHHHHHHHHHHH!

Jesus.  I’ve seen Sakura bashing before, but Karin bashing?  This is new.

ON WITH THE STORY!

FUCK.

With the ANBUs and Sakura + Ino

ANBU times S, plus Sakura, plus Ino… hm… *scribbles on a piece of paper*  Carry the Iruka, subtract a borrowed Konohamaru…

I got twelve kunai.  Anyone get anything different?

Sakura got into her fighting stance while Ino stood behind Sakura, said quietly,”Sakura Haruno,you are under arrest for becoming a Ino,

*snort*

you too,will be charge for becoming a missing-nin for 2 years.”

Okay, so, typically ANBU don’t retrieve missing ninja.  They kill them.  But I suppose they were  given orders to bring them back so I’ll forgive this.

“So,come quietly with us and we will not harm you,else,we will be forced to fight you guys…”,Kakashi continued,still reading his icha-icha smiled sinisterly before saying,”

How can you tell he’s smiling at all?

not…besides..I’ve been gone for like what?3 days only…and you want me to go back to Konoha?As much as I want to,Kiba,Akamaru,Hinata,Tenten,Kakashi,Neji…I cannot…I’ll only be a danger to everyone…”.

Hey, any number of days could make you a missing ninja if you’re not expected to have left.  You’re registered; if you leave you have to let someone know.  Otherwise, they’ll come after you.

Kiba and Akamaru went out of their hiding since Sakura firgured out that they were there and Hinata plus Tenten followed in suite as they do not want trouble from anybody.”I thought I told you guys to stay in there unless of course..if we need help..”,Neji said annoyed by their lack of shrugged while Sakura scoffed angrily at Neji,”Now,now,Neji…we don’t want you to have all the fun do we now girls?”He and Akamaru looked at Hinata who strongly agreed while Tenten roughly shooked her head.”There is no way am I going to be killed by some insane person such as her!”,Tenten said.

I think my eyes went cross trying to follow that.

Sakura lifted one eyebrow and said,amusement in her voice,”Well,I’ll give you guys 3 options…1)Run and escape and don’t fight…2)Fight and die a painful death…3)Fight and I spare your life..but you will suffer permanent damage…so,I advice Kiba,Hinata and Tenten to be on the run right now…”

If they’re really ANBU, they wouldn’t run away from her.  She’s vastly outnumbered and, while incredibly strong, she wouldn’t be able to fight all of them off herself.  Especially if Neji or Hinata blocked her chakra flow.  Sakura gets her inhuman strength from precise focus of her chakra into whatever part of her body she’s intending to hit something with (usually her fists).  This waste-of-resources-ANBU-namedrop-hey-look-I-saw-one-episode team wouldn’t have any problems taking her into custody.

Tenten nodded and without thinking,she dragged both a angry and protesting Kiba and Hinata out of the forest

All the way out of the forest?  That would take her days to accomplish, especially if she’s dragging two people behind her.  I don’t think Tenten has that kind of strength.

while a very confused Akamaru followed behind then turned to look at Kakashi who calmly replied,”I should be going now…””good choice,Kaka-sensei.”,Sakura smiled sadly(though noone could see it)before running towards the forest.

If she’s running toward the forest, how is Tenten dragging people out of the forest?  I thought they were all still in the forest.

Then she turned to face a very angry Hyuuga.”What is it Hyuuga?Your comrades left you behind?”,Sakura asked in a mocking voice.”GENTLE FIST!”,Neji shouted but Sakura dodged hit Ino

Damn… that’s some miss if she was aiming for Neji but hit Ino.

and she saw this and chakra exploded around her.”I’ve waited a loong time for this…”,Sakura said and did some hand signs and said:Summoning demon jutsu!

How could she have waited a long time to summon her demon when she didn’t even know she had a demon in the first place?

A huge thing came out from the ring in front of Sakura.

Oh, a thing!  And it came out of the ring that was never mentioned!  How exciting!

dark-thundress:2 b continued..

I hope not directly after this author’s note.  Please tell me we’ve actually reached the end this time.  My poor heart can’t take the disappointment of yet another mid-chapter author’s note.

Sakura whining:awww!But I wanna know what happens next!

Your powers of CrackSue!Sakura make big boomy smite Neji.  It isn’t that hard to figure out.

dark-thundress:NO!

Akira sighing:Pls review…it will make dark-thundress more happy…and she will give you a cookie?

Given how this thing is written, I don’t want a cookie from her.  It’s probably “special” and I don’t want to discover what my walls taste like.

Everyone:Sayanora!

*smacks the counter*

I IS BADFIC!: 17

You spelled that wrong.

See you all next time and, if you happen to be getting a coffee or baked treat on your way out, drop your change in the tin.  The crack bunny needs as much help as it can get.

Speaking of which, where did that ninja go with my drink?

Advertisements

35 Comments on “1775: Betrayal – Author’s Note and Chapter Two”

  1. AdmiralSakai says:

    he questioned sacarsticaly(OH.)wrong thing to say.

    Hey, what’s that hydroxyl group doing in that internal monologue?

  2. AdmiralSakai says:

    Every one sweatdrop

    No, I think I’ll go walk the dinosaur instead.

  3. AdmiralSakai says:

    AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

  4. BatJamags says:

    Poor .., that floor can’t be very comfortable. Someone get .. a pillow or something.

    KANE! Your eldritch horror got into the fic again!

    Kane: seems to have taken an interest in the Library.

    Is that a good thing or a bad thing.

    Kane: The respawn points should be able to restore your physical forms, at least.

  5. BatJamags says:

    Kiba shouted with barked nervously in

    Yes, but, has anyone really been far as decided to use even go want to do look more like?

  6. GhostCat says:

    Sweatdropping is not good writing. Show that they’re sweating or nervous. Don’t use visual anime tropes when writing a goddamned story.

    :high-fives Lyle:

    Sweatdropping needs to die a fiery death; that and the obsession with excessive nosebleeds.

    • SC says:

      Oh man, it actually felt really good when I had Doc medically annihilate the nosebleed trope. It never ceases to piss me off, both in fanfiction and anime.

  7. GhostCat says:

    Japanese terms are not pluralized like English. It’s like Moose. 1 ANBU, Many ANBU.

    :gives Lyle a cookie:

  8. GhostCat says:

    Sakura Haruno is one of the most powerful shinobi AND kunoichi in Konoha!

    Unless Sakura is a hermaphrodite, she can’t be both; a shinobi is a male ninja while a kunoichi is a female ninja.

  9. BatJamags says:

    Is this thing any more comprehensible if you know the source material? Because my headache has a headache.

    • GhostCat says:

      I imagine it would be worse, since you would know exactly how wrong the author was being.

    • SC says:

      Well, the source material, in spite of being a story of ninjas with the power to spit fire (Fire Style: Fireball Jutsu, or, really, any Fire Style skill that may or may not be employed by the Uchiha clan) or turn air into a cyclonic ball of ow (Rasengan, which kinda sorta wound up being one of Naruto’s super attacks in later chapters), actually does keep its story relatively straight, for the most part, so I’m thinking this fic was doomed from the word go.

  10. GhostCat says:

    ANBU times S, plus Sakura, plus Ino… hm… *scribbles on a piece of paper* Carry the Iruka, subtract a borrowed Konohamaru…

    I got twelve kunai. Anyone get anything different?

    I got fifteen mint mangoes! :squints at paper: Or I’ve possibly just summoned an eldritch abomination. Math is not my strong suit.

  11. SC says:

    I’m dropping SONIC HIGH SCHOOL. It was sapping my will to live and just wasn’t funny anymore.

    So that’s two, to quote Taco, soul anchors, that have been dropped, now. I’d say we’re doing good.

  12. SC says:

    How can you tell he’s smiling at all?

    Oh come on, Lyle, you can tell when Kakashi’s smiling!

  13. SC says:

    Tsunade is the only Hokage.

    Although her reign is relatively short in Shippuden, given that some ANBU jackass unseats her not too terribly long after she gets the job. I mean, yes, she falls into a coma and can’t really do anything, but still.

    (And if it seems like I know a lot more about Shippuden than some kid who stopped keeping up at the Chuunin Exams should, it’s because I did still catch bits and pieces of future chapters whenever they caught my attention long enough.)

    • "Lyle" says:

      It might be short in Shippuden but it lasts for half of Naruto, at least.

      • SC says:

        That’s right, she had to take over shortly following the big blowout with Orochimaru and the Akatsuki that happened not long after the Chuunin exams, I forgot.

  14. SC says:

    What? I… I don’t even know who these people are supposed to be.

    Well, Suigetsu is legit, he’s part of Sasuke’s villain team along with Karin. And he carries a sword that hadn’t been seen since as far back as the Land of Waves arc.

  15. SC says:

    Hey, any number of days could make you a missing ninja if you’re not expected to have left. You’re registered; if you leave you have to let someone know. Otherwise, they’ll come after you.

    Okay, so, initially, my mind registered this as being a bit overkill, but then I remembered that these are NINJA villages, so any of their rank departing without notice for an extended period of time could be seen as a major security breach.

    I just hope the poor regular folks who live in the villages don’t get ANBU squads called down on them for going for a walk, man.

  16. KittyNoodles says:

    They fucking dragged Neji into this.

    I’ll kill ’em.

  17. Tayuya has red hair, not pink, that is all.

    • "Lyle" says:

      Looks more pink than red to me, compared to some of the ninja with really bright hair. But it’s sort of borderline, so I lump it with pink.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s