1768: The Girl – Chapter Nine

Title: The Girl
Author: MRobitussin
Media: Books
Topic: The Outsiders
Genre: Romance
URL: Chapter Nine
Critiqued by Angie and Hiraani

*shakes Magic 8 Ball* Will there be Socs and Greasers in this chapter?

“Ask Later.”

*Angie walks angrily into the broom closet, sopping wet. Hiraani is waiting for her. She sits down*

Hiraani: What happened?


Hiraani: Why are you all wet?

No reason.

Hiraani: …you fell into the shark tank again, didn’t you.


Why are you here?

Hiraani: You said I could riff with you.

Oh. *rubs eyes* That’s right. Alright, let’s read The Girl.

Chapter 9: Riley

We sat out there for hours…just talking. He told me all about two of friends, Johnny and Dally and what had happened to them and how I reminded him of Johnny because his Dad beat him too.

*groans* Stop comparing Riley to Johnny! It’s not working!

Hiraani: Honest, it’s like comparing Niel to Nostradamus. One’s an amazingly smart superhuman. And uh…one’s Niel.

I told him about my parents and about moving around all the time and my mom leaving. It felt so good to feel so close to someone, to have someone to listen and even if he didn’t understand, he was at least there for me; Ponyboy was unlike anyone I had ever met.

Ah, love at first sight. It’s bullshit.

Hiraani: It’s the only thing keeping me from liking Romeo and Juliet.

I took my leave after a week…the boys fought me on it, but I couldn’t stand being there, I felt like a burden on their already struggling family.

What struggles?

Hiraani: Is she talking about the Great Chocolate Cake Shortage or the Tale of the Three Brothers?

As long as I was smart about when I got home I was all right. Ponyboy walked me home from school every day and called almost every night, begging me to come back to his house. What part of burden didn’t he understand? I had a system…if Dad wasn’t home I would go in, get food, and hide in my bedroom. If Dad were home, I’d go down to the corner store, get some supplies and sneak in through my bedroom window and just not make a sound the rest of my night. My system worked for quite a few weeks…

Really. My system is just to wing it and hope.

Hiraani: Maybe that’s why you’re not going to college.

Pfffffffft. I’m dumb.

One night it was around 9,

Ah! *shoots Baby the Pistol at the fic*

Baby: “Count no more, motherfucker!”

I guess my Dad wanted to go to the bar and couldn’t find any money, so he came in my room to search my room for some cash and he was pretty shocked seeing me sitting on my bed doing my homework.

You’re…you’re shocked, because your daughter is doing homework.

Hiraani: I’d be shocked if you did your homework.

Shhhh shut up.

“Where the hell did you come from?” He demanded, glaring at me from the doorway.

You’re speaking to her like she’s some rat. Or a dingo, trying to eat the baby.

Hiraani: You make that joke at least seven times per day, and it gets less funny every time.

My jokes are hilarious.

I breathed heavy, unsure of what to say or do. “I got home hours ago…I said hi to you as I walked in, you didn’t reply so I just came to my room…”

Uh…didn’t you just say he’s been gone all day? Time skips are bad enough without you rubbing it in our faces.

He snorted at me and started to go through my dresser drawers. I knew if I yelled at him it would set him off, so I stayed calm. “Can I help you look for something?”

“I need cash!”

“I don’t have any Dad…sorry…”

He turned and looked at me. “What about the money for the electric bill?”

Hiraani: Ah, yes. Because god knows you should trust a fifteen year old with the electrical bill.

Listen, asshole. You don’t have a job and neither does she. Shut your trap about ‘what about the money for the electrical bill’.

I was confused; he’d never given me money. “What are you talking about?”

He marched over to me and punched me in my cheek; I fell back on the bed and held onto my cheek in pain, trying not to cry. “I set out the fucking money for the electric bill on the counter and now it’s fucking gone, I know you have it!”

You know what? Maybe you sent it in…or maybe you spent it like every other dollar that manages to find it’s way into this house!

Hiraani: You used the wrong its—

I choked back sobs. “Maybe you sent it in…or maybe you spent it like every other dollar that manages to find it’s way into this house!”

Hiraani: Ohhhh. You’re good at that.

Thanks, I know.

He slapped me across the face. “Don’t ever talk to me like that again or I’ll take my fucking belt to you!”

I couldn’t help, but scream in pain.

Well…why weren’t you screaming in pain before? When he punched you? Doesn’t a punch pack more of a…punch…than a slap?

Hiraani: There’s a reason there’s a song about it in Fun and Fancy Free.

He had a lot of force behind his hand. I was cornered and didn’t have a way out, suddenly the phone rang…I knew it was Ponyboy calling to check on me. I froze, watching my Dad. After two rings, he went back to digging in my dresser drawers and I crawled to the side of the bed and answered the phone.

And you expect me to believe Earl didn’t hear the phone ring? I guess it might be because he was digging in the dresser or what have you, but that’s some deus ex machina bullshit right there.

“Hello?” I whispered into the receiver.

“Riley?” Ponyboy said sounding alarmed. “Why you whispering?”

Hiraani: Take one guess. I’m about 90% sure you’ll get it right.

I continued to whisper, with my hand cupped around the phone. “I can’t talk right now…” My Dad slammed one of my dresser drawers on the ground, causing a huge crash, which of course Ponyboy heard.

“What the hell was that? What’s going on?”

Hiraani: Take one guess. I’m about 90% sure you’ll get it right.

Hiraani. Hiraani stop. No.

“I can’t talk…” I started to tell him again, but Dad turned around and yanked the phone from me.

Let me guess. Earl is gonna throw the phone at the wall causing it to crash into a million pieces.

“Who the hell is this?” My Dad demanded in the phone. I don’t know what Ponyboy said to him, but he threw the phone against the wall causing it to crash into a million pieces.

Hiraani: Seriously, how do you do that?

It’s not that hard anymore. The Girl has gotten way too predictable for its own good.

I just sat there staring in shock until my dad picked me up by the collar of my shirt and dropped me on the ground. “That your little boyfriend whose house you’ve been hiding at?”

Like here. The half brother probably fills Earl in on everything that’s been going on. It won’t make sense, but it’ll move the plot along.

Hiraani: You’re insulting things that happen in the fic before they even happen.

I looked at him and couldn’t help, but stare in wonder…how did he know anything about me. “What?”

“You think you’re so cute running around without a care in the world…don’t you think your brother fills me in?”

*headdesk* This fic contains the most predictable bullshit ever. I swear to fucking god.

Hiraani: *stares in astonishment*

I review way too many fics way too fast.

I laugh. “Half brother!”

He smacks me across the face again and I hit my head on the side of my bed and let my body drop onto the floor. My body goes completely stiff, as I want it to be. I hold my breath so that not a single part of me is moving. From where Dad stands I must appear dead just as I want to.

You know what they say. If a bear attacks you, play dead.

Unfortunately, this is a human. The morals are still there, though.

If he thinks I will not move again, he’ll leave. And sure enough, after only a minute of waiting, he marched out of the room, defeated.

And so we reach the end of another chapter.

Hiraani: Wait…that’s it? That’s all?

It’s longer than most Girl chapters.

Hiraani: Wow. That’s fucked up.


Uh. Join me next time as I endeavor into another chapter of Brego’s Mistress.

Hiraani: I hate you.


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