1764: Fall to Equestria – Chapter Fifteen (But really Chapter Thirteen)Posted: May 18, 2017
Title: Fall to Equestria
Topic: My Little Pony: FIM
Critiqued by AdmiralSakai and Serketry
Beware, for here be dragons. Or at least more hardcore pony porn.
Hello hello all you patrons!
Welcome back to Fall to Equestria, ruining awesome characters since late 2012.
Last time our plucky protagonist Loser Martin was captured by the Changelings, promptly escaped through a method so stupid and thermodynamically dubious that I refuse to even recap it, and then immediately turned himself in again. This led to fortunately unconsummated sexytimes with Queen Chrysalis, who apparently was not evil at all and just misunderstood (needing a whole three sentences from the Stu to devolve into a sobbing wreck). Then Princess Celestia showed up and did the first sensible thing in the ‘fic, namely magic-blasting Loser Martin to within an inch of his life while trying to shoot the Queen.
With his miraculous Stu powers he somehow survived the blast. Well, he’s bleeding out, but considering that that Celestia was trying to kill Chrysalis and we’ve seen her literally blast enemies apart, Loser should be chunky salsa by now.
Bad touch counter: 52
I was walking in a long black corridor not knowing where I was going neither why I was going there,
So, basically, experiencing the plot of Fall to Equestria.
it just felt right. It felt like I was walking for like hours none stop but I was not tired or exhausted; I just continued in my way with only the memories of my past.
If he comes out of this as an alicorn I’m going to break something.
I heard a voice behind me and it seems to be calling my name but when I turned around to see who it was, there were nobody to be found. I went back to my walk to nowhere but the same voice keeps calling for me again and again and every time I turned back to see who it was with never a soul to be found.
Not even his own.
Wait, what soul? Loser Martin is basically a blow-up doll with a massage function.
For once I agree with the Formless Voices. This is interminable.
I did what the voice told me to do, I don’t know why? I just did. I waited and waited for something; anything to happen.
So are we, pal. So are we.
-Please don’t go there.
That voice again. I looked behind me but this time there were something in front of me. A floating black silhouette was there; I was not able to say if it was a pony or human.
And then Tirek stepped on him. The end.
-Please don’t go there.
It repeated itself before vanishing.
Well that was really helpful.
I looked back at my original direction; it looked so warm pleasant, I could even see a small light at the end of the corridor. The other side seems cold and unpleasant. What should I do, Go to the warmth or follow the voice?
Wait, which side was which?
You know, the afterlife is really fucking vague!
Suddenly the memories of ponyville appeared in my head. The ponies that I have met, the party in the town, the walks with Luna, the fun I had with Celestia,
“Har har, remember that time I almost got Shining Armor executed on the spot?”
the embrace of Chrysalis.
And what a loving embrace she has, doesn’t she?
For some reason those memories to me to follow the voice’s order which I did. I walked for just a couple of seconds before a bright white light covered my body, it felt warm and pleasant as it gave me energy to run as fast as I can.
Wait, wasn’t he walking away from the light?
He is in a corridor, with only 2 directions, and the narrative somehow fails to make this clear. That’s spectacular.
The more I ran the more intense the light became. It almost felt like I was flying at high speed; it felt good. I saw that I was going towards a wall at full speed but I didn’t stop neither did I slow down. I closed my eyes, ready for the impact.
Stu’s kinda dumb like that.
I opened my eyes in a room that I didn’t recognize. The light of the moon was able to shine though the gigantic windows in the room. The room itself was very luxurious; the walls are white with golden markings on them, the bed I was in is enormous and extremely soft. I helped myself up with my elbows; that was when I felt a sharp pain in my chest. My entire torso was covered in bandages (they seem still freshly applied).
Huh. This… doesn’t actually suck.
I will say this- while the plot and characters are still horrifying, doomboom1234’s command of the English language does manage to improve somewhat compared to the beginning of the ‘fic.
I scooted myself to the edge of the bed to go for a short walk to see what append. When at the edge I saw nurse ponies and witchdoctor changeling
That actually sounds pretty cool. A changeling counter to Zecora. I approve.
resting on the floor close to the bed on each of their very own pillow.
Because hospital staff just lie down on the floor of patient rooms to sleep, instead of having shifts.
Looking around the room, I saw some clothing on the table next to the bed. At the same time I realized that I was naked for some reason
Do I need to give another ding on the Bad Touch counter?
Not really, he’s surrounded by creatures that don’t wear clothing, in a hospital, where clothes would get in the way for surgery.
They do have patient gowns, though.
and my original clothing was nowhere to be found. Once I reached the table I saw that it was a snow white bathrobe.
The table was actually a bathrobe?
Dressed and ready for my new adventure I got of the bed. My legs were not able to support my sudden appearance of my new weight. Have I gotten weaker? How long was I here? Using the table to help me back on my feet, I looked around if I woke anybody in the room. To my sight it seems that there are sleeping too deeply.
Meaning nobody is actually watching the Very Important Patient. What if he stands up, gets dizzy, and cracks his head open on an end table?
I waited a couple minute to allow my legs to adapt to my weight. Once ready, I silently made my way to the only door in the room. Just like last time, I made sure that there was nobody before leaving the room.
Ok, no wonder Celestia wanted to fire Shining Armor. Palace security must be staffed entirely by idiots!
Slowly walking in the large corridors, I made my way to a very large door with light which seems to be escaping underneath the door. I brought an ear on the door by pure curiosity.
-What do you mean you can’t reach him anymore?
-It means that exactly!
-Girls! Please, let’s not get angry. That is not what he would want.
Once again, each of those ‘girls’ is at least a thousand years the Stu’s senior.
Three girls seem to be in that room and they sound familiar.
Also, he picked up the ‘anypony’ and ‘everypony’ terms, but he still hasn’t picked up on how they call each other ‘mares’ and ‘fillies’?
I’m just glad this isn’t another ‘fic where absolutely everypony is referred to as a ‘filly’.
Looking thought the key hold; I saw both princess of Equestria and the queen of changelings sitting close to a lit chimney.
Aaaand they’re all completely unguarded! No wonder Equestria gets taken over so often.
I smiled thinking that my words actually help an entire kingdom. I slowly and quietly opened the door to their room to surprise them and sneakily approached them.
That sounds like an excellent way to get oneself obliterated from three vectors simultaneously.
-Chrysalis, you know that it takes a lot of energy to go in dreams even more when it’s a death dream.
A what now?
Aaaaah. He’s been in a coma this whole time. And while I could see the coma ward being relatively unguarded, isn’t there supposed to be an orderly on duty at all times in case this very event occurs?
Also, they were actively performing a spell on him and still didn’t have anyone awake in the room?
The changeling sight in defeat. –Yeah I know, it’s just.. I don’t want to lose him.
-None of us want that to happen. Responded Luna while patting her on back. –And what I meant that I can’t reach him is that I no longer see his dream in the nocturnal haven.
-That’s because I am no longer there! I say teasingly.
All three of the girls turn around to stare at me in disbelief and shock. All three of them were so chocked that they couldn’t even move.
Safety first, fillies.
-Is..Is that you Louis? Asked Chrysalis.
-The one and only.
Before I knew it, Luna threw herself in my arms which cause the pain in my chest to reveal itself to me once again.
Bad touch Counter: 53
All three of them were shedding tears if happiness, to see my well-being. All of us sat close of the fire in the chimney to keep us warm as I asked a couple of questions. It seems that I was in a coma for 4 months
Four months? And he’s able to get up and walk around within minutes of regaining consciousness?
If he really was in a coma ward, they’d have been putting him through calisthenics to make sure his feet didn’t rot off. But yeah, I’m surprised he’s walking, too.
and during that time the Changeling Empire has joined with the pony kingdom under the rule that one must not manipulate the other in any way.
Umm… good luck with that.
Celestia is a masterful manipulator… do you think she set up Loser as a ploy to capture the Changeling empire with as little effort as possible? Hell, maybe she was trying to rub out Loser once his task had been complete?
How is this treaty even supposed to work? Any sort of negotiation involves getting the other side to do what you want, and any sort of trade or cultural exchange involves introducing ideas from one power to the other in the hope that they will take root. This sounds less like an alliance than the two factions moving from a hot war to a bitterly cold one.
I smiled as listened to what happened during my nap.
Nap?! For as long as you were out, you probably have brain damage!
More so than before, I mean.
They also told me that Luna often tried to speak with me in my dream while I was in my coma to help me wake up. I do not have all the memories of that dream
but I do certainly remember that silhouette. Could that be her? I invited Luna to rest her head on my lap which she happily accepted.
Bad touch Counter: 54
The two other didn’t protest out of jealousy to her better treatment.
Oh, going the harem route, I see.
She fell asleep as I petted her head; if she didn’t talk to me, I would maybe be dead.
Loser Martin has been the reincarnation of Rhymey from MLU:MiB all along!!
The two other girls continued to tell me what happened while resting their head on my shoulders. Eventually, Celestia had to leave to raise the sun and warn the maids (and doctors) that I was awake.
Ok, for one thing it’s a bad sign when the supreme ruler of Equestria knows when a patient is awake before his doctor does. For another, why the maids? Or she just worried that a now-active Loser Martin is going to try to grope them??
After waking Luna, we (me, Luna and chrysalis) decided to go in the dining room to get something in our stomach. Waffles with maple syrup! Delicious. We all ate the same thing except for the changelings; they had some sort of pink heart on their plates.
Little pink hearts? Where did she get… oh…
I have to ask Chrysalis how she collects love.
Apparently, by eating actual pony hearts!
Or Luvcats, they did keep strategic reserves.
I would just like to remind everyone that this is a show about magical ponies who teach lessons about friendship.
Once our meal finished, maids came up to me and asked me to follow them. I looked back at the princesses who had a large smile on their lips. The maids brought to the room that I first arrived. This time I went to the large windows to look outside. The massif
I wasn’t going to say anything but this guy has misspelled ‘massive’ Every Single Time.
kingdom of canterlot, was at full view. I was in the canterlot castle. –I sorry pinky, I was not able to arrive. I murmured to the window.
“Okie dokie lokie!”, said the window.
Pinkie Pie was strange like that.
The maids gave me new close that looked quite fancy; a three piece suit with a sheathed sword tied to my belt.
Why in the wide wide world of Equestria would you arm this man?
Hopefully this means he is expected to commit Seppuku?
I felt really badass in this outfit. I went back to the girls who were waiting for me to show up with impatience. When I showed up I saw Chrysalis biting her inferior lip,
Her inferior lip? Good to see that the organized subjugation of the Changelings is already beginning.
She does that sometimes while reminiscing on burning low-performance subordinates alive.
Celestia was blushing slightly and Luna just couldn’t look away.
“This is like the Great Manehattan Train Wreck, only ten thousand times worse.”
-So, how do I look? I teased.
-Thy looks better than we tough.
No, you not tough. You not tough at all.
Luna’s answer made me giggle a bit. I approached the girls asking what we should do now. All three of them smile and walked to a balcony outside. I followed them to then be surprised by a sea of individual in front of me; a mixture of both changelings and ponies. Cheers were able to be heard as I entered their field of view.
I really do think this Stu sees sounds and hears colors.
What, were they all camped on the castle lawn for four months waiting for Loser to wake up?
Two questions popped in my head; what are the girls doing
Hopefully, throwing you to the hungry mob.
and how did she manage to get all these individuals here so quickly. (I just woke up last night.)
Wait, what? You woke up, stole a bathrobe, skulked about the castle, ate some pancakes, and got dressed. How did that take a full day?
Celestia calmed the sea of subject and started to speak.
-Thank you all for coming here. We are all here to pay our respect to the one who has united our society together with his words of wisdom.
All 14 of them.
The first individual who offered their friendship to me, the person who help Luna to live without the fear of her past, the one who sacrifice his soul to save Chrysalis.
Do I need to bring up my previous diatribe against this fic? Celestia has friends, Luna already has help with her guilt, and Chrysalis is literally made of evil.
Also, what’s all this about the Stu giving up his soul?
I think they meant when to took a nuclear bullet from the sun-goddess herself.
Or maybe Chrissy just drained it when he wasn’t paying attention.
The one who brought us together.
I walked forward and waved at the massif bundle of ponies and changeling.
That’s fuking Lovecraftian.
Without warning, something cold was put on my head; some sort of hat.
-And the new king of Equestria. Celestia finished.’’
-KING? I said while turning toward the girls who all three of them had a sly smile.
This is all it takes to be crowned KING OF EQUESTRIA?
And if it was, what does that make Twilight Sparkle?
A figurehead, a buffer, and an instrument of destruction, usually.
And our story end here with a sweet ending
That nonetheless leaves a bad taste in my mouth…
but under this will be explicit content that only optional to read at your will. You have been warned.
… You didn’t give us that luxury when you finger-banged the Spa Sisters…
After a week of royal initiation, I was exhausted of righting files
Well if he ‘rights’ them like he ‘rights’ his fanfiction, I give the Equestrian economy a life expectancy of maybe eight minutes, tops.
and reading the giant rule books.
“I still don’t know how to successfully become a Bard.”
I went to my room to change into something more comfortable and relax but when I entered my room there were three goddesses on my bed.
-You know that being king means more than just royal duties. Said Celestia with her bedroom eyes staring at me.
Her regular eyes were in a jar on the nightstand.
-I am sorry girls but I am a bit too tired to do anything. I said teasingly.
I was grabbed by magic (I don’t know who’s) and was thrown on the bed with them.
Bad touch Counter: 55
Celestia and Luna were already undoing my three piece suit as Chrysalis was on top of me with a bottle floating besides her.
Keep in mind that two of these three ponies are related.
-Once I give you this potion, you won’t fell your sleepiness anymore.
It’s curare, isn’t it?
I was expected her to pour the mixture in my mouth but with my surprise, she brought the bottle to her own lips. Then brought her lips against mine, forcing a torrent of sweetness into my mouth.
Ew. It’s one thing to share a spaghetti noodle, or a strawberry, but liquids?
Fall to Equestria– the only fimfiction with the nerve to include a sexy Changeling puke scene!
The sad part is I know someone’s getting off to this.
Bad touch Counter: I quit.
Barely time to drink the mixture, I was fighting her long tongue in my mouth.
Without even realizing, the two princesses got me completely naked while I was making out with the queen. I broke the kiss; I was out of breath from the voracity of chrysalis’s kiss.
Deep blue hooves grabbed my head and forced me into another kiss. Luna was significantly less experienced than Chrysalis from how sloppy it was.
By that metric, doomboom1234 must be at most three weeks old.
my chin now was being covered in her saliva while she explored my mouth with her tough. A mischievous idea popped in my head that made me deepen the kiss. We fought back her tough assault
Who is ‘we’?
as I brought my hand to her horn. She moaned breathlessly in my mouth while was jerking her horn off (thank you for that knowledge Lyra).
Yeah, thanks for the reminder.
She broke the kiss and panted hard while I made her feel good.
None of this feels good.
This time it was Celestia turn to exchange saliva with me
Could you maybe phrase that less… clinically? You sound like Martin from My Favorite Martian.
as she brought my face close to hers. To my surprise, she was more the one wanted to be dominated over to dominate.
It’s not a surprise. It’s a hack writing twist we saw a mile away. ‘Ooo, the all-powerful godlike being likes to be bottom-bitch’. Spare me this dreck.
I sense a great disturbance in the Intertubes… as though a thousand Molestia memes cried out in terror and were suddenly silenced.
I gladly obliged her request as I intruded her mouth with my tongue. This time it was my turn to moan in her mouth as I felt something warm and wet covering the tip of my dick.
I this point, Luna grabbed my hand and started to sloppily suck on my fingers. At this point
This sex scene uses the word ‘point’ a lot. I don’t know why that terrifies me, but it does.
There are at least three sharp points flailing around. Someone’s gonna get penetrated and it’s gonna be far too kinky for their liking.
I was wondering if I had the energy to satisfy all three of them. Celestia broke the kiss when she felt my finger scratch the back of one of her ears. I took the occasion to look at myself; I was shocked to see that my rod was significantly longer and larger than usual.
*Stares into the ‘fic.*
Wow, it might even be a whole three inches.
They went there. They gave the Stu a horsecock. Christ, are we done yet?
Could it be because of the potion? Chrysalis made eye contact with me while she made my length slowly disappear in her mouth. Waves of pleasure bolted the entire length of my spine
So… now he’s Frankenstein’s Stu?
as she played with me with her tongue.
When I turned my head toward Luna, my mouth dropped. The very erotic scene
… is not what got posted to fimfiction.net.
of the masturbating herself with my numb hand
Why is his hand numb? Is the Stu suffering a stroke during all of this?
Probably from loss of circulation. There’s a horse-sized alicorn sitting on his hand. I’m surprised it isn’t broken.
made my dick twitch I chrysalis mouth.
Then she bit down, and things got very bloody very fast.
She wouldn’t even have to bite. She has fangs, and rows of sharp teeth. It’d be like fucking a cheese grater and hoping to leave with all your skin.
Before I knew it, my head was forced down as darkness covered my eyes. A strong feminine scent invaded my senses as salty yet addictive juices entered my mouth. Was Celestia sitting on my face?
That seems like the sort of thing you would be able to tell.
I started to eat her out as the other girls were having their on fun.
I was barely able to breath under Tia’s weight
Yeah, about that…
Even after playing up the ‘little’ part of My Little Pony, you still described Celestia as the size of a regular horse. Regular horses are heavy.
Roughly three-quarters of a ton. Yeah, even on a soft bed, his head just got flattened like a tin can.
Well that explains why he can’t feel his hands. She broke his neck.
yet I wanted to warn that I was about to blow from Chrysalis fine work. The queen seemed to have realized that I was at my limit as she called the princesses name. Both ponies stopped what they were doing as they brought their lust filled face close to my manhood. All three of them made one last lick to the entire length of it; with that my body went stiff with pleasure as my load shot through the air. To my surprise they collected my semen in some sort of vial with the help of their magic to keep later for reason I did not know.
-We don’t know if ponies/changelings can procreate with humans.
Dear GOD I hope not. The last thing we need is for this story to cross over with When You’re Strange.
We are just collecting this for… hum… research. Said Chrysalis.
And this is how you went about collecting a sample? He’s been laid out on a bed for four months, you could’ve had an orderly collect a sample during that time. Now it’s contaminated with changeling saliva, and god knows what properties that has.
Without warning, Chrysalis lifted her body above me then her wet marehood on top of my dick.
Ok, time for a serious chat. If pregnancy hasn’t been ruled out, he’s still leaking. This is a very bad idea.
… Just in general this is a very bad idea.
-Time for the real fun to begin. She said as she probed herself with my tip.
She moaned loudly as I penetrated her most sensitive parts.
Her tongue lolling out and panting she bounced herself on me; with each bounce I felt her warm and moist walls milking me furiously.
And crushing your pelvis under a thousand pounds of zombie plant bug horse. Yeah, I bet that feels pleasant.
While she had her own fun the other girls decided the switch with each other with their original place. Luna tasted a bit sweeter than her sister yet just as addictive.
Yes, by all means, please remind us that the two are related. I was just thinking that this explicit four-way with magical talking horses wasn’t uncomfortable enough as is.
Eventually, Chrysalis came with a loud moan as she fell sideways.
Now lying on her back panting of exhaustion gave place to the other girls. Luna was the first to react. Placing herself on top of me and probing her lips she took deep breaths to prepared herself. It was obvious that this was her fist time
and she was nervous. I placed my hand on her cheek which seems to have calmed her down. With a single and swift motion, she forced herself balls deep.
That’s not cool. If that really was her first time, you probably caused some damage.
Her scream was filled with lust and pain as her eyes started to fill with tears.
Yeah, there’s gonna be blood. Nope. This was already not particularly sexy but this bad.
-You don’t need to continue if it hurts too much.
Sadly, I’m stuck here until the end of the chapter.
I offered her
-NO! We want this. We want to continue.
Well we sure as fuck don’t!
Less than a page left, Admiral, then we can leave this thing behind.
Come on then… charge!
With those words she started pumping me slowly. I felt like my dick would be squished by the pressure of her tightness.
See “approximately three quarters of a ton”, supra.
Her moans filled the room as she was gasping for air.
Ok, is something seriously wrong with Luna? First she’s in intense pain, now she’s struggling to breathe.
To my surprise, Celestia came silently in my hand. She was biting her bottom to keep her from moaning.
My dogs do that sometimes. It looks stupid.
I only realized it by the explosion of juices on my hand.
I thought your hand was numb?
Or do alicorns ejaculate nitroglycerine?
Soon after, it was Luna’s turn to cum; landing beside the changeling with a wide smile on her cute face. How am I resisting so much?
Yeah, seriously. Just get it over with already!
This time it was Tia’s turn to have a ride on me.
-Could you hold me as we do it? She asked as she forced herself on me.
With the remaining strength that I had I moved up in a sitting position as I hugged her tightly. The feeling of her fluffy chest on my face was blissful. As I rubbed her back my fingers, I accentually touched the base of her wings which made her yelp.
-Are your wings sensitive?
Why would they be? That’d be like having extremely sensitive upper arms.
-That is up to you to discover.
“I’ve given surprised and pained reactions when you’ve touched them three times now… I thought you would have figured it out.”
Challenge accepted! As she lightly bonce on me, I started to give her wings a massage. By her reactions, it seems that she really liked what I was doing. This time I was starting to feel my limit again.
-Tia! I’m ganna…
-so will I.
We both came at the same time was we both filled the air with our moans. We both fell on the soft bed side by side.
Just how big is this bed? It seems to have no problem holding three full-sized horselike creatures, with wings.
Luna’s bed isn’t that big. Twilight’s beds aren’t that big. Celestia’s bed is only seen at an angle, but even it doesn’t look bit enough to hold three horses and a human.
Although really, if he has three horses on top of him, I think the human can be safely assumed to have a volume of zero.
The two other scooted close to me to cuddle. Yep. This was my new life now and it is good.
No, it’s anything but.
-It is good to be king.
Trying to channel Ash Williams? I got a better use for that shotgun. As the wise Abraham Lincoln purportedly said, “I never told a lie and a I won’t start now/ You’re a horse with a limp, I’ll put you down!”
The girls giggled from my words. They all fell asleep while using my chest/stomach as a pillow.
*drip… drip… drip….*
I can get used to this.
It was fun righting this story for you all. This may be the end of my part but you are allowed to continue this story on your own part. Do as you wish, don’t hold back.
And then Discord turned everypony into a bowl of petunias and they all fell out of the castle and died. The end.
I will take a pause before continuing my other story but I will finish it.
Spoiler alert: He never did.
Don’t worry. I hope you all had fun reading this. And it was a pleasure having you all as my friends. Goodbye for now.
Ugh. This was shit. I will admit, this clearly falls under the ‘stupidity’ side, not ‘malice’, but the result is still the same. Shit. Shit writing, shit characterization, shit plot, shit sex scenes. Jack squat payoff.
Pretty much. If I’m being generous I’ll say that his mechanics of English did improve somewhat as he went on, and he actually did manage to do an OK job of describing a few things, and at least it’s not another stupid fucking darkfic where Big Mac violates Applebloom with a corkscrew or something else equally asinine. But still. Bad pony porn is bad.
*Lyle walks in and looks around*
Lyle: Hey guys. So I have some good news and some bad news for you. To get it out of the way, the bad news is that this is AdmiralSakai’s last guest riff with the Library. Before you go reaching for your hankies, though, you should know that the good news is that this is his last guest riff because he has been promoted to Full Librarian.
Eliza: *races in and fires the glitter cannon, then races out again*
Lyle: … *attempting to wipe glitter off her glasses on an equally glittery shirt* We’re all very excited about this and you’ll be seeing him on Tuesdays! Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to find someone to clean this up…