1759: Tales of Vesperia 2: The Blastia Age Restored – Chapter Five, Part Two

Title: Tales of Vesperia 2: The Blastia Age Restored
Author: MrAwesomeMattyDA
Media: Video Game
Topic: Tales of Vesperia
Genre: Adventure/Humor
URL: Chapter Five
Critiqued by SC and Teh Specs

Well, hot damn! Been a while since we’ve been here, huh?

Specs: You know, I actually forgot I was part of the riff for this fic until you dragged me in here.

Well, now that I’ve dropped the soul pain that is LAFS off my shoulders, I say we should get back to this, because it’s been far too long since we’ve had any adventures with Rainbow Tai and the Brave Vesperians. With that in mind:

Hello, and welcome back to Tales of Vesperia 2: The Blastia Age Restored, by MrAwesomeMatty! I’m your host, SC, joined by Teh Specs, and last time, Tai, Estelle and Raven made it to Zaphias, news of which was quick to reach the ears of Yuri and Repede. Shortly after their arrival, Tai was instructed to hang out by the ramp down to the Lower Quarter, which was where the riff cut off for two whole years.

So, since I’ve had this thing on hold for so long, let’s not waste anymore time and jump back in!

Just as Yuri and Repede started to head over, they noticed the teen walking away from the group. He seemed pretty shady of a character, as he buried his hands in his pockets, hid his face in the hood, and walked off, only to stop and rest against a wall near the lower quarter exit of the city. Why was someone like him traveling with Estelle and the old man?

Specs: Well, it’s certainly not by any choice of his.

Here’s a brief refresher of how that went down, for anybody who might not remember: “You should travel with Estelle.” “But I don’t wanna travel with Estelle.” “Yeah, well, I’m the mayor, so fuck your opinion, you’re traveling with Estelle.” “Damn it.”

However, he shrugged it off (for now) and began his way over to his friends, only to see the Princess got a glimpse of him.

“YURI!” She yelled happily as she ran over to him and hugged him.

Crushing all his ribs into confetti.

Specs: Seemingly unaware of him vomiting blood.

Caught off guard by this, he stuttered a bit with widened eyes and blinked a few times. Hearing her sigh, he slowly smiled and let her hug him gently as she soon broke it and stood happily smiling.

“It’s so good to see you again, Yuri!” she chimed, holding her hands rather tightly in excitement.

“It’s great to see you too, Estelle. It’s been a while,” Yuri nodded to her, and said calmly.

Whazzat? Yuri greeting a friend without some little quip? Something stinks, here.

“Aww, ain’t that cute? The two of you youngings huggin’,” Raven said, walking over and saying with a smile, and causing Estelle to blush a bit.

“Well, well, I thought something stunk around here. You know, there’s a thing called baths, Raven; you should use them, so that way you don’t smell, old man,” Yuri glared unimpressed at him, putting a hand on his hip, as Estelle pouted at her failed attempt to pet Repede, who backed away from her.

Specs: Oh, well, fuck you too, then.

“Hey, com’ on!

I presume he’s figured this out by now, but, Matty, that’s not how you spell that.

Several months go by since we were together, and this is the welcom’ ol’ Raven gets?” Raven said, losing his smile and making a disappointed face.

“Act that way, and your answer is yes. Actually change, and I might be more cheerful to see you. Emphasis on both ‘might’ and ‘cheerful’,” Yuri said, smirking.

Specs: Disregarding that Raven actually did have a sizable character arc over the course of the game.

So does everybody else, for the most part. Yuri, Flynn and Repede share a backstory that stretches across a prequel movie and the game, Estelle’s character arc is basically the first half of the game’s plot, and Karol has an entire boss fight dedicated to him working up the balls enough to get shit done, and prior to that, he gets a series of side missions that show how he and the Hunting Blades get along (which is… not swimmingly. Like, they tolerate him, but just barely. Karol’s character shtick is that he’s the shittiest guildie in the world and is constantly being rotated through guild after guild on account of him being a cowardly, bumbling dolt, and it was the “cowardly” part that cost him his place with the Hunting Blades because, well, they’re monster hunters, and kind of can’t afford to be scared of their own job). I think the only two characters who don’t have an extensive past in the main party are Rita and Judith, or I wasn’t paying attention to their respective backstories, whichever.

“Heh… ya know I’m gonna be stickin’ around like this for a while; guess it’s no use, even if I tried,” the old man shrugged, grinning, “And here I’ve been sent ta ask for yer help.”

“Hm? What now?” the man asked, as Repede turned his head and looked towards a certain someone.

“Commandant Flynn has been assigned a task regardin’ some former imperial knights and guild members stealin’ blastias and cores, although they don’t work no more,” Raven explained in a serious tone, “He’s right now headin’ off to the port city to recruit some friends of his, but he asked ol’ Raven here ta com’ for yer help on the matter.”

*sigh*

That makes no fucking sense. There are no blastia cores anymore. The blastia cores all underwent spiritization at the exact same time, and therefore no longer exist. Only the blastia bodies – the constructs that housed the cores – are still around, and without the cores, they’re useless. So, this whole terrorist-sounding plot? Yeah, not happening. Ever. At least, not in the Terca Lumereis where shit is logical.

Not to mention, as Raven so handily pointed out, they don’t work anymore. So what point is there in stealing them? At best, they might make a profit being set up in museums as art pieces. Beyond that, they’re fucking worthless.

Although, to throw the fic a bone, I know I called it a “terrorist-sounding plot,” but I may have misspoken – prior to the Adephagos incident, the world thrived on blastia. Particularly the nobility of Zaphias, who had so damn many of them thanks to having first dibs on all blastia distribution that they treated them like high-end fashion accessories, as noted by one particular exchange between Rita and Estelle during a victory animation:

Rita: That Bodhi blasita of yours…

Estelle: It’s pretty, huh?

Rita: That’s not what I was going to say!

This in mind, it’s not unreasonable to assume that said nobility, or any of the smaller areas where having a blastia was a lifesaver, might not be taking the sudden lack of said blastia too well, and might be inclined to try and cut some under-the-table deals to try and regain access to them, even with full knowledge of the shit they suffered while the blastia were still around. This goes particularly for the nobility. They’re painfully up their own asses, to the point where it’s almost comical how douchey they all are. Even when Zaphias was attacked by monsters mutated by extreme amounts of Aer, we can probably safely assume that they chalked it up to a freak incident not related to the blastia whatsoever, even though it was heinous abuse of the blastia that caused it in the first place.

Now, does this excuse how stupid the whole “stealing blastia bodies” plan is? No, not in the slightest. But, at the very least, it has plausibility, unlike a lot of other stupid things that have been happening in this fic up to now.

Specs: I’d like to focus on the part where Ioder thinks badly enough of this situation to order Flynn to assemble a special brigade, most likely to launch a sting operation against the thefts.

Yeah, I feel like Ioder either knows something, or is seriously jumping the gun on the matter. Thanks to Alexei and Duke both fucking everything up, there are large parts of the world that are either irreparably damaged, or are more than likely in a state of turmoil thanks to the spiritization of the blastia. As Zaphias and Danghrest are the two biggest major activity hubs, it stands to reason that it would then fall to them to see to the aid of ailing peoples (probably Danghrest’s jurisdiction, since a good number of guilds cater to basic necessities like first aid, protection from monster attacks, food and water procurement, and providing clothing) and instill order in the areas of strife (more than likely Zaphias’ jurisdiction, given that they have the most powerful military force in the world, and under Flynn’s leadership, would easily be able to stem any attempts at uprising or terrorism), so unless the thefts of blastia bodies could, somehow, lead to some terrible thing if left unattended, Flynn really has better things to be doing right now.

All in all, a waste of everyone’s time.

Specs: …But this fic is totally gonna play it off as the same kind of minor plot point that set the game into motion, right?

Matty, just so you know, if you do treat this blastia body theft thing as the “Mordio-Pretender steals the Lower Quarter fountain’s blastia core” incident, I am going to laugh at you many times. With all the best of intentions, of course, but it’s still gonna happen.

“Hm… if he asked you to come all the way from Dhangrest to here, then this is definitely no joke,” Yuri said, looking down and holding his chin,

Specs: What, did Raven cuff him across the face when nobody was looking?

No, but he would be well within reason to do so.

“Maybe Brave Vesperia could help. I bet Karol and especially Judy would like to get in on this.”

Primarily because they’re the only other two members of the guild, since Rita is an important imperial researcher, Estelle is still royalty, even if she has the freedom to roam now, and Raven is already present. And Raven is only part of Brave Vesperia because his life is forever indebted to them.

Long, complicated explanation: At first, Raven stabbed Brave Vesperia in the back by revealing his hand as a double agent for Alexei, kidnapping Estelle and handing her over to the bastard. Then, he promptly turned on his heel and stabbed Alexei in the back by allowing Brave Vesperia to escape, and then not get buried alive like he was supposed to, which meant that Alexei technically no longer held Raven’s killswitch because he thought Raven was already dead, so there was no need to deactivate the Tony Stark blastia that serves as Raven’s heart, so Raven was free to enact some much-deserved revenge on the fucker before he had the chance to wise up. But because Brave Vesperia was still quite sore over being the first of two backstabbings, Yuri made it painfully clear to Raven that they owned his miserable ass now, and if he ever tried to do that crap again, they’d fucking kill him the second they got their hands around his throat.

…I didn’t already explain this earlier in the riff, did I?

Specs: I think you might have.

Well, uh, call it a refresher course, then, because I don’t want to delete all that.

“So, you’re coming with us?” Estelle said, happily.

“I guess I can spare time to help out. How about you, Repede?” he asked.

Repede, still staring at the person his gaze was on, still was able to reply with a bark.

Wowza, Matty, that one’s gonna melt my brain if I try and read it again.

Specs: It’s a good thing I remember that Repede is still staring at Tai, else my head would’ve exploded.

Yuri noted the person who his partner was eying was in fact Tai.

*Alarms Blare*

Fuck’s sake, man.

Specs: I didn’t know that the next sentence would be a redundancy of what I just said!

Alright, audience, what’s about to happen here is called the Specs Minigun.

Specs: The wha-?

*SC grabs Specs by a belt loop and the back of his shirt, hefts him like a battering ram, and quickly smacks his head against the floor, opening the hammerspace dimension in Specs’ mind and firing every single bladed object therein at the DRD*

The Specs Minigun, ladies and gentlemen.

*SC drops Specs to the floor with a thud*

Dangerously Intelligent!Specs: I’ve been used as a weapon of mass destruction before, but I quite dislike this method.

Yeah, that’s nice, go pick up your swords.

Dangerously Intelligent!Specs: Oh my- every single one is covered in blood, now! Do you have any idea how long it’s going to take me to clean those?!

Do I care?

Dangerously Intelligent!Specs: You’re a heathen, you’re a fucking heathen…

>Raising an eyebrow, he turned his head back into the conversation and noticed Estelle celebrating a bit.

“Yay! We can travel again, just like we used to, Yuri!” she said, causing him to smile.

“And this will give Flynn a bit of a relief as well. Glad you could spare the time ta help us out, Yuri,” Raven said, smirking with him rubbing his chin.

“Hey, I don’t mind. Now…” Yuri said, then deciding to investigate, “About that other person who was with you…”

Oh, are we going to pay attention to Tai, now? I have it on record that he doesn’t like that.

Specs: I thought he didn’t like crowds?

Details. Oh, and after all that bitching about how long it was gonna take to clean your swords, you’re already done?

Specs: No, asshole, I used one of those bubbles Bifocals made that stops time for whoever’s inside it. It probably took me the equivalent of fifty fucking years.

And you didn’t miss a day!

Specs: Can you pretend to care about my suffering?!

But I have so many better things to do with my time.

Wow, just incredible. A little ramp had less noise than all of the city.

It’s the poor part of town, nobody really goes there if they can help it. Naturally, it’s gonna be pretty quiet there. And I’ll have you know that the ramp leading from the Civilian Quarter to the Lower Quarter is not “little.”

Pictured here: Yuri in a douchey hat. Also, ramp.

Specs: Interesting to note that the poor part of town is actually quite nice.

That’s entirely thanks to the residents’ hard work. The rest of Zaphias can’t be assed to give two shits about them.

He guessed maybe he’d have to stick with exits from now on.

Dude, you entered from the Civilian Quarter, and are on the ramp to the Lower Quarter. That’s not an exit, it’s a footpath.

Specs: Unless we assume that he means it’s an exit from the Civilian Quarter into the Lower Quarter.

I refuse to get that technical with Tai, of all people.

A lot more happy, Tai silently listened to his music and bobbed his head back and forth slightly to the tunes he was listening too.

Oh right, I forgot, he has fucking headphones that shouldn’t exist.

Specs: Or, at the very least, should have Rita’s signature carved into them. They’d probably be her idea anyhow, in this canon.

This is the same Rita who was obsessed with blastia to the point that it weirded all her peers out, are we sure she’d be the one to make music-playing headphones?

Specs: This is the same Rita who hates people that aren’t pink-haired princesses or scientifically inclined, are you sure that she wouldn’t make music-playing headphones?

…Good point.

That didn’t mean, of course, he didn’t take a look around the place. If it wasn’t so noisy, he would’ve loved living in this lower quarter. The people did look nice and kind and the water fountain in the middle was pretty sweet.

Specs: You know what else that water fountain is? Prone to exploding.

On the upside, Yuri made back all his gald in wishes that never came true!

The first month without blastia must have been hell for the Lower Quarter…

“Ahh, come on, you two,” he said, gently to himself, “Hurry up.”

Is Tai talking to his balls?

He took the time to gaze up at them just to see how it was going. He saw Yuri, the long haired man, speaking with the princess and the old man. He was pretty skilled, just by observing his sword and how he stood.

Specs: You can’t gauge skill by how someone stands around. Maybe if he was in a stance, but not when he’s just futzing about in town.

You also can’t gauge skill by how cool the dude’s sword looks.

Specs: Hey, I resent that.

Glancing around, he couldn’t seem to find this “partner” of his, but he did happen to see the dog. That’s when a thought hit him.

“Wait a minute… That’s… Repede?” he thought, his eyes narrowing with a mixture of annoyance and let-down, “Estelle is seriously comparing me… to a dog?”

His pupils turning into dots from how much of a disbelief and irritation the calculation in his head rang, he groaned/grunted and shook his head. Face-palming came across his mind, but he’d rather not, for he was comfortable with how he was standing.

Specs: You know, I only know three languages, and I’m pretty sure this isn’t any of those three.

“Way to go, your highness, making me feel wonderful about who I am…”

If Tai knew that Repede is way cooler than “just a dog,” he wouldn’t be bitching so much.

But upon taking a second look at the dog, it seemed that Repede was staring at him. Not blankly, but as if he was studying him, observing his movements. Once he took note of it, he lowered his head a bit, so the dog couldn’t see his eyes.

Repede is shorter than you, lowering your head won’t stop him from seeing your eyes.

Turning his head back into a neutral viewpoint,

Specs: Huh?

he still glanced at them, counter-studying why he was being stared at.

Specs: Counter-studying sounds a lot like something Bifocals would engage in against Booky if they ever had a significant disagreement.

Just angrily one-upping each other by reading more confusing books to try and show who’s smarter.

[You say that like it didn’t happen. And it turned out to be a draw, because we realized that I had all the most difficult reading material, and it seemed equal parts unsporting, since I wasn’t going to let her read them, and cheating, because even if I did let her read them, I had already read all those books, myself. -Book Specs]

Suddenly, it hit him. In different parts of their conversation, once Estelle and Raven looked away or at each other at the same time, Yuri would glance at him from the corner of his eyes with a very serious look. What, did these two suspect him as something?

Why are Yuri and Repede going through NPC motions?

“I get the feeling these two think I’m some sort of bad guy…” he thought, “I better get up there and make sure they don’t get some kind of bad impression of me.”

But before he made his way up the ramp and could get close enough to be seen for their attention, he was suddenly stopped by a huge sword and spear being pointed at him. Before they got too close, he jumped back and kept his right arm back, just in case he needed his bat. Quickly tracing where they came from, two imperial knights, one who was really skinny and had bloated lips with a black mustache, and the other who was really short and round, held their weapons out in front of him, preventing him any further access.

Where the fuck did you two come from?!

Uh, okay, seems awful late in the chapter to be doing a character infodump, but here we are, I suppose.

O hai, Adecor!

O hai, Boccos!

These guys are Adecor and Boccos. They are two of three incredibly goony knights from the Schwann Brigade (yep, Raven is as cool as knight as Flynn, but all Flynn’s men are badass while his underlings are assholes). They start out the game as very minor antagonists to Yuri, and because of their status as chumps, it takes little to no effort to knock them on their faces each and every time they’re encountered directly, much to their dismay. They also accidentally teach the player several combat mechanics over a series of scripted “boss” fights against them, because they keep stumbling over each other to show who’s the better of the two and the information just kind of slips out.

That said, they’re quite a lovable pair. They mean well, honestly, it’s just that Yuri happens to be a repeat customer for them, so they usually jump to the conclusion that he’s starting shit, even when he’s not actually starting shit. And when he helped Estelle escape from the castle, him not knowing at the time that she was a princess… well, it’s hard to be mad at them for responding like they did (i.e., chasing Yuri across half the fucking planet, chomping at the bit to take his legs out from under him). Plus, prior to the reform, their bosses were incredible dicks, and they looked down their noses at the Schwann Brigade and made not secret of their disdain for them, Adecor and Boccos especially, so they were frequently made to collect outrageous taxes from the Lower Quarter that led to them getting their shit kicked many a time, either by Yuri or the residents, so you can imagine that they have sore prides in desperate need of some manner of redemption.

And actually, the whole Schwann Brigade is a bunch of lovable dolts. Before the Knights get reformed under Commandant Flynn, it’s shown that the Schwann Brigade actually take their job quite seriously and try their hardest to do it well, displaying an unprecedented level of competency as protectors of the innocent and upholders of the law when they damn well need to. And an old buddy of Yuri’s from Knight Boot Camp wound up with a pretty respectable career in the Schwann Brigade, to boot. And for as loud and aggressive as the Lieutenant of the Brigade, LeBlanc, can be, he is a man of honor, and has a very tight grip on the letter of the law, to the point where he completely derails an attempt by a scumlord Knight Captain to retake Estelle and kill all her friends, simply by being all, “But, uh, we should be arresting and interrogating them, right?”

And all three of these guys – Adecor, Boccos and LeBlanc – later play an integral role alongside the Flynn Brigade in helping protect the innocent citizens of the fledging joint-Empire-Guild colony of Aurnion from a sudden monster raid that threatened to kill everybody.

So, all in all, the Schwann Brigade are cool guys, and if you don’t find yourself pleasantly charmed by Adecor, Boccos and LeBlanc’s wacky hijinks, there might be something wrong with you.

Specs: I like how that went from an infodump about two characters to you fawning over the entire Brigade.

I can’t help it, they’re genuinely nice guys.

“Halt! What do you think you are doing approaching the princess?” the short one said, announcing it boldly.

“I’m just walking over there; what’s the crime?” Tai said, stunned but then allowing his attitude to flow into his words.

“Don’t think you can fool us! I say, we will defeat you, scum of Leviathan’s Claw!” the skinny one declared, struggling to keep his helmet from closing.

Tai tilted his head, and with a bit of silence, muttered, “…Um…What?”

Er, pardon me, Adecor, but members of Leviathan’s Claw typically look like this:

ATTACK OF THE BEES!

Not some technicolor rainbow fucker with a weird arm.

By the way, be careful looking up Leviathan’s Claw on Google. I don’t know why, but there is some weird porn of Yeager involved with it.

Specs: Rule 34 strikes again?

I wasn’t even looking for pictures of Yeager!

Let’s hope Tai can find some way out of this. But in the end, it’s hard to get away from Tweedle A and Tweedle B, right, Yuri? Anyways, here’s another chapter done and I’ll keep ’em coming! Hope you like it!

I sincerely hope Matty got rid of these author’s notes in future writing, man. They are so pointless.

Welp, that’ll about wrap this chapter up, and welcome back to a fic that’s actually fun to riff, ladies and gentlemen!

Thanks for reading, folks, and stay tuned for next time! It took me a while to get this finished, yes, but that’s primarily due to the fact that I’m in the process of starting a new job, so I’ve been busy with IRL stuff. That, and, well, I’ve always been a slow riffer, even when I enjoy a riff. I imagine the next chapter will involve Tai punchabunching Adecor and Boccos, because they exist to have boots crammed up their asses, the poor guys. In the meantime, I’m SC, and on behalf of Teh Specs, I’ll see you next time!

…Did it seem to you like you were uncharacteristically grumpy while riffing today? Because it did to me.

Specs: Well, I remembered that Tai exists, and that he made me mad back in previous chapters. Something about bats being better than swor- yep, there they are, the bad memories are back…

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4 Comments on “1759: Tales of Vesperia 2: The Blastia Age Restored – Chapter Five, Part Two”

  1. Jon Arbuckle says:

    “Tales of Vesperia 2: The Blastia Age Restored”

  2. TacoMagic says:

    “I get the feeling these two think I’m some sort of bad guy…” he thought, “I better get up there and make sure they don’t get some kind of bad impression of me.”

    Okay, kid, you can do this! Just remember my advice: “Never be yourself.” You’re a whiny douchebag at heart and nobody likes those. You can be pretty much anyone else, just not yourself.

    Now get in there and make a better second impression! As I always say, it’s never too late for damage control!


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