1754: The Girl – Chapter EightPosted: May 7, 2017
Title: The Girl
Topic: The Outsiders
URL: Chapter Eight
Critiqued by Angie
Maybe something about a Soc, and maybe something about a Greaser. We can only speculate.
*Angie is screaming into a pillow* I CAN’T HANDLE IT. THESE ARE JUST SO STUPID.
I mean, for the love of god! Nothing is happening in either of these!
*screams turn into hyperventilating* I hate it. I hate it. Riley, Léofe, I don’t…AHHHHHH. FUCKING CHRIST.
The Girl chapter eight. Let’s do it.
Chapter 8: Ponyboy
I walked outside and looked around. The sun was starting to set, days getting shorter with the come of the winter months.
Nothing about this fic has implied that it was winter. Or any other season, in all fairness. Hey, maybe you should get on that, Marissa. Not eight chapters in, mind you, but it’s a start.
Riley was sitting on the stone block and looking out at the setting sun. In the glow of what was left of the sun, her hair turned into a golden blonde and although I could tell she had been crying, she still looked radient to me.
Why has the grammar been slowly deteriorating in this fic? The good grammar was one of the only things I could use to defend it at the beginning of the fic.
I walked over and sat next to her. “Nice sunset huh?”
She didn’t look at me. “Yeah…I love sunsets…”
*hits buzzer. Sign reading ‘BECAUSE DRAMA ROMANCE’ glows behind her in neon*
I pull out a ciggrette and light it. “I prefer sunrises…more meaningful…”
I’ve literally never heard of a ciggrette. Something tells me Marissa is just making up words now.
She turned her head to me, her eyes were red from crying, but she had a faint smile on her face. “Why do you like sunrises better then sunsets?”
Beta readers, honey. Do. You. Have. Them.
I take a drag from my ciggrette and blow it out slowly before I answer. “Start of a new day…and a poem by Robert Frost…reminds me of a friend.”
Oh, right! This is an Outsiders fanfiction. I forgot. But, to be fair, can you blame me?
She turns her head back to the sunset. “I’ve always loved sunsets…it’s a reminder of the secrety of night…it’s like God putting a blanket over the world and tucking everyone in…it’s safety…” She laughs. “God, that sounded stupid.”
*clears throat* Yeah, a little bit. Uh.
Hell, I’m just happy this fic is going faster than Brego’s Mistress. Although, hell, I can’t bring myself to say that’s a compliment to either fic.
I rub her shoulder. “No it doesn’t.”
She turns to me and smiles. “Thanks for helping me out Ponyboy…I really appreciate it…”
I smile. “Ain’t nothin’. I’m always there for my friends.”
Well…someone just got friend zoned. God damn. That was harsh even for The Girl.
She struggles to keep the smile on her face, as her eyes go soft. “Friends…? Is that what we are?”
I shrug. “Why wouldn’t we be friends?”
Call me crazy, but I’ve never known friends to kiss like they did last night.
She laughes slightly and looks away. “Call me crazy…but I’ve never known friends to kiss like we did last night…” When I didn’t reply, she turned back, slightly alarmed. “I’m sorry…that was out of place…I didn’t mean anything…”
Well, maybe you should! For Christ’s sake! If you friend zone her and then don’t respond to her, maybe you should get dumped!
I laughed. “Calm down Riley…I know what you meant…” I look down. “You gotta be crazy.”
…that’s not something you say when you’re in love.
It’s what I say, but like…no one should say it.
I heard her sniff slightly. “Why is that?”
“You don’t think I’m a hood?” I looked up.
You being a hood isn’t exactly up to interpretation, though, right? You’re a Greaser, for Christ’s sake.
She turned her head quickly, making her pretty blonde hair bounce around her face. “Why would I think that?”
*waves hands in the air* Because it’s true!
I laughed. “Have you looked around? Did you hear what your brother…”
“Half brother!” She snapped.
“Sorry…half brother said…I’m not someone you want to mess with…”
Why does this remind me of that one Usher song where he’s like ‘strippers are people too’? I know it shouldn’t remind me of that, but it really does.
Riley pulled out a ciggrette and lit it, taking a long drag and with a look of consentration on her face.
Christ, did Marissa just drop a bunch of acid before writing this? Or is she really that stupid?
“I define hood as someone who beats people up and takes shit from them…you haven’t taken anything from me or beaten me up…you’re too sweet to do that to anyone…”
I define hood as how hood is defined. A motherfucking Greaser, god damnit!
I sigh slightly and look down. “I kinda did…”
She laughes. “What wrestling with your brothers?”
I shake my head. “No…that friend I told you about…We were getting jumped by some socs and well…I guess you could say things got out of hand and well…We ended up killing a soc named Bob.”
*opens mouth but doesn’t say anything for a while*
You…that…Bob was trying to drown you. Not only that, but it wasn’t you that killed Bob, it was Johnny! So this line makes absolutely no fucking sense!
She was silent for a minute, playing with her ciggrette, then turned and looked at me. “It’s called self-defense Ponyboy…don’t let your past dictate who you are.”
I try to smile. “Yeah I know…but well, I fit your defintion of a hood.”
WHAT THE FUCK IS A DEFINTION? OH MY GOD, WE WERE ON SUCH A ROLL.
She moves closer to me. “Well then I guess I like hoods.” She leaned in and kissed me and I kissed back.
*sigh* And with that, we have slogged through yet another chapter of The Girl. I’m happy to say we’re a third of the way through. Thank god for that.
I’ve been Angie, and…please, for the love of god, don’t waste your time reading this fic.