1752: Fall to Equestria – Chapters Twelve and Thirteen

Title: Fall to Equestria
Author: doomboom1234
Media: Television/Cartoon
Topic: My Little Pony: FIM
Genre: Sex/Comedy/Human/Random/Romance
URL:  Chapter Twelve
Critiqued by AdmiralSakai and Serketry


This is the part where the ‘fic goes completely off the rails and dives straight into hardcore pony sex. It is definitely no longer suitable for work, school, family, or the faint of heart.

Good luck.

Hello hello, all you patrons, and welcome back to Fall to Equestria!

Last time Loser Martin fucked around at the Bridle Gossip Ponyville Day Spa for another whole chapter giving a ‘massage’ to the proprietresses, then was a dick to Princess Celestia and her guards as part of the process of turning the Princess into a stern, emotionless tyrant. Because that’s never been done before.

Lets see how bad this’ll be this time.

Bad Touch Counter: 34

Chapter Ten is called ‘A pleasant massage’- gosh, I wonder what this could involve??

Lotus brought me in to a dark circular room only lit with scented candles. The mixture of the     scented candles and massaging oils tickling my nose with delight;

*AdmiralSakai begins sneezing uncontrollably*

*Serketry desperately claws for his inhaler*

Well fuck you too, ‘fic.

the smell was almost enchanting.

“Make yourself confortable while I go get my sister.” She softly said before slowly closing the door.

He’s not going to fuck them both, is he? Because that’s… that’s a whole different level of bad.

No comment.

There I was once again alone.

Good. Stay that way.

I took a better look at the obscure room and saw the slightly lit massage table in the middle of the room. I decided to lie down on it

If they truly are supposed to be Loser’s little ponies, he wouldn’t be able to fit.

Little or not, I’d like to see the human try to contort himself into that leg brace.


just to relax while I took deep breaths of the hypnotizing scent.

The sudden sound of the door opening brought me back to reality. There I saw Lotus and Aloe entering the room blushing hot.

“Are you ready for the first step of you special massage?” Aloe asked.

I smiled and nodded. They told me to take off my clothing and to lie on my stomach and relax. I was now in my boxers back exposed to them. They rapidly both started on my massage.

How do they know how humans are built? I mean, there’s some similarities, but…

Well, the back and torso muscles are actually fairly similar, it’s everything at the shoulder, arms, hips, and legs that’d be completely alien.

I don’t know why but their hard hooves were doing amazing effect on my rough back. I made light moans to signal them that they were doing a great job and where their movement were more appreciated.

Bad touch counter: 35

Well, sort of. This is a massage. It’s his fetishization of it that’s bad touch territory.

Clopfic: Making honest relaxation feel unclean since 2012!


Just not for us.

After a while of being massaged, I suddenly felt something warm and wet slide on the entire length of my back.

“Big Mac, that’s disgusting!

We’re so, so sorry, we don’t know how he keeps getting in here!”

I wanted to see what it was but I was stopped by lotus as she grabbed my head and landed her lips on mine.

Bad touch counter: 36

After a couple minutes of kissing, she broke the kiss.


Bad touch counter: 37

“Let us take care of everything. And I hope that you don’t mind having a tongue bath. “

The only person who can say this without it being squicky is a dental hygienist. Maybe.

Or a worker at a meat-processing plant. Terrifying, yes. But not squicky.

“No I don’t mind. ” I said now realizing that aloe was now coating my back with her saliva.


Ok this just crossed from a massage to sex acts. I again have to reiterate that this is the Ponyville Day Spa, not the Ponyville Brothel and Steam Room.

And there are supposedly the two rowdy places in Ponyville:

Do either of those business names look like Ponyville Day Spa? NO!

After a minute of back licking, they asked me to turn around and lie down on my back exposing my bare stomach to them. They quickly stated to lick my chest, arms, stomach…etc. somehow they seemed very aroused when they started licking (and kissing) my hands. The two spa ponies panted and moaned as they worked on my fingers.

Bad touch counter: 38

Also, everypony has a hair trigger in this. Have any of these idiots even gotten within ten feet of a stallion since they were born?

It seriously must be a human biochem thing. The humidity is probably driving the output of whatever pheromones are causing this through the roof.

I suddenly decided to take things in hand,

So to speak.

without warning I sat up. The two earth ponies looked at me worried that they have done something wrong.

“It’s time for me to take care you girls now. ” I said as sensual as possible.

Before that they could protest, I grabbed Aloe and laid her on my right legs and did the same with Lotus but I laid her on my left leg. “

Oh. I know where this is going.

Bad touch counter:39

Bad touch counter: 40


And are they seriously, like, the size of cats?

That’s gonna make this next section very painful for two of the three participants.

Yes, and in addition to you and me it would also be very painful for the ponies.

“You girls looked and sounded quite aroused as you cleaned my hands. ” I remarked teasingly.

Your hands aren’t clean, they’re covered in spit and massage oils.

They opened their mouths to say something but the words were replaced by moans as I stated to scratch their necks. I slowly descended on their chest. I tried the best I could to give the same treatment at both of them but I am right handed, so it is natural that Aloe has a better hand then Lotus.

Some masseur he is, then.

I was now rubbing their bellies; it sort of feels like memory foam.

That’s… not at all right.

Are… are those actually plush toys? Is he just playing with the stuffed dolls? Because that’d make everything, well, less creepy, but still a little creepy.

They’re not giant single-celled organisms, they’re giant stromatolites!

As I dissented more to their lower body,

“Down with the unconstitutional lower body! Power to the central nervous system!”

I manage to find soft fleshy nubs.

*sighhhhh*… Inevitable crotchtits.

Yet, not described as full-on humanoid breasts. So at least he got *one* part of equine anatomy right.

They instantly reacted to my touch as they both hugged tightly the arm that was pleasuring them.

Their nipples hugged the Stu’s arms?

I still can’t tell which way they’re facing on his legs; are their heads on his knees, or on his feet? Because it’d be really awkward to try to give a reacharound to two girls at once at such distance.

Unless the Stu is secretly Slenderman…

Although I sort of always thought they were sitting on his upper thighs, above his knees.

Their heavy panting and constant moaning told me that they loved my warm touch on their sensitive nipples.

Yep. That’s foreplay. I’m torn between wanting more detail, something better than ‘constant moaning’ to describe this scene, and just wanting it to finish up and leave.

How would you like ‘none of the above’?

After a minute of nipple rubbing, I decided to stop teasing them

You’re not teasing them, you’re pleasuring them. You’re actually doing a fairly decent job. Do you not actually know what you’re doing, and have been lucking out this whole time?

Are you talking to the Stu or the author?


as my hands slowly got in between their hind legs. At my surprise, they were already extremely wet

Well that confirms, it, he’s clueless.

Took long enough.

as my fingers slowly rubbed on their slits. I felt them hugging my arm even harder than before and gasped as I touch their most sensitive place. Making them feel like this was making me harder than steel but I had to contain my desire; they will owe me after this.

What the fuck? That’s another weird thing this fic has, owing sexual favors. That’s a dick move at best, extortion at worst.

And, oddly, he never seems to actually collect. We’ve had four orgasms so far in the ‘fic, and none of them have been the Stu.

Don’t jinx it, man.

As I played with them I tried to make a symphony of moans which actually didn’t sound that bad.

For some reason, all I can imagine is him trying to make them moan the Mario theme.

Without warning Aloe’s lips darted to my face

Without the rest of her head. Pleasant.

to begin a very lustful kiss while Lotus started to lick my neck.

Ok, once again, just how large are these ponies, and how are they positioned? Or are they just built like Stretch Armstrong toys?

I made the both moan as I entered a fingers inside them; rubbing their moist walls. Aloe was now moaning in my mouth while Lotus was now resting the back of her head on my shoulder; her tongue lolling out of her mouth.

Aloe broke the kiss and looked at me with half-opened eyes. “I’m…I’m going to cum. ” She weakly said in between pants.

It was true for both of them; I was able to feel their walls vibrating on my fingers.



Now it’s time to give myself a personal challenge; make them both cum at the same time. I pulled my fingers out of their vagina keeping them on the edge of cumming.

Ok, NOW you’re being a teasing douchebag.

Just to keep them on the edge, I moved my fingers on their lips to get closer to their little sensitive nub. I suddenly squeezed that nub in between two fingers.

Ow. Depending on how much force he put into that; gentlemen, imagine getting your dick caught in a door hinge.

They both froze in place while their minds were analyzing what just happened.


I guess it just took their brains a while to load an orgasm from disk.

A sudden gush of warm love juice sprayed on both of my hands

… At least it’s not the ‘velociraptor love Tabasco’ from that one Jurassic Park ‘fic.

accompanied with louds yells of pure lust. After their orgasm, they the two spa ponies seem to have lost all strength as they started to slide off me.

Humid air, greasy lotion, lots of sweat. Yeah, I don’t blame em.

I delicately laid them on the table so that they could rest. It seems that my turn would have to be another time.

Good, keep pushing it back.

I will just relax in the big tub I saw this morning.

I walked toward the only door in the room until I heard lotus behind me.

“Wait its…it’s your turn! ” She said with difficulty.

Dammit! We were so close to avoiding this.

I looked at her with a smooth smile. “No, you girls should rest. I will just relax in the bath. ” I walked to the door but stop just before exiting the room. “Let’s just say that you girls owe me. “I said teasingly.

That’s arguably worse.

As I entered the bath room there were a couple ponies already in the bath and others in the steam rooms. All conversation stopped as all ponies looked at me.

“It sounds like the Spa Sisters just died horribly, and now this deformed monster is leaving the massage room! Everypony run!!!”

I went in a changing chamber and came out naked with just a small towel covering my waist. Many ponies looked at me ether with large smiles to be able to see me bare chest or were wildly blushing. I slowly entered the tub just to give the mares around a good show.

This is an odd subject to broach in most fics involving clothing-optional species, but, shouldn’t they be used to seeing male genitals hanging out? If the mares have vaginas, by the same logic, the stallions should have big swinging testicles. So the sight of this human’s nuts really shouldn’t be that special.

As soon that I was confortable position, a mare in the tub with me approached me.

“I…I have question for you? ” The pink mare with a yellow mane asked.

“I have an answer for you. Ask away! ” I said smoothly.

“Well…could you tell us what was that yell we heard in that room. “

Every other mare has been uncharacteristically sex-crazed. Why does this one not know what an orgasm sounds like? There’s not much else that sounds like one, even in the land of magical pony.

A seductive smiled appeared on my face. I know that I am a good looking creature to the pony eye,

Still not sure how that happened, but, whatever.

I’m telling you. He’s a human that just so happens to look like a tiny, bug-eyed horse.

so let’s take my charms to my advantage.

Ohh, he’s been taking advantage all right.

I grabbed that mare’s right cheek and slowly rubbed it with my thumb.

Are you serious, sir. She asked you a straightforward question and you get handsy immediately.

Bad touch counter: 41

Also, my relatives used to do that to me (in a non-sexy way) when I was little. It’s not a sensation I imagine anyone would be anxious to experience.

“Let’s just say that fingers are better than hooves.

… Fucking anthro supremacist.

Anyway what’s your name? ” I said teasingly

Do you even know how old this filly is? Do we need an adult?

Good luck finding one in this ‘fic.

Her cheeks redden beneath my thumb. “Li…Lily. My name is Lily. ”

I let go of her cheek and grabbed a sponge and some soap and offered it to Lily. “Well Lily…shall we make a deal? You clean me and I clean you. “I asked in a very sensual way.

Up until now I’d been assuming ‘bath’ and ‘bath room’ were translation failures in describing the spa’s hot tubs. Ponies have indoor plumbing, they don’t need a Roman bath house. And you don’t use bar soap in a hot tub. What the hell is this?

Her entire face turned red as she grabbed the sponge and soap.

Man it is fun to have power

Why is this random average-joe “nice guy” so much more of an obvious sociopath than Tirek?

but I have to be careful to not start something I would regret but for now let’s just enjoy my bath.

A little god damn late for regrets, Loser.

Well that was hot!!!

No, it wasn’t.

Anyway hope you like this chapter. The next one will a bit more time because the will soon finish my other story (I’m on the last chapter.)

The next chapter is called… *sighs*… “luna suprise”.

Let’s see how he royally fucks up her character, too.

I suppose it’s too much to ask that the Stu’s ‘Luna surprise’ is becoming the Molester in the Moon.

Author’s Note:

I am back but with some bad news. I can no longer call myself a brony. I no longer like to watch the series.

What, are you opposed to good characterization and organic development?

And nothing of value was lost.

But the brony community and its gigantic heart help me multiple times so by respect to all you guys/girls I will at least finish both fimfics that I have started.

Better fics have stalled out during initial planning than this one here.

As I exit the spa, I see that time has passed faster than I was expecting and my stomach was whining for the lack of nutriment.


I walk through the streets and I asked myself what could happen next. I suddenly bumped into a male pony. Shining armor! What was he doing here?

Hopefully he’s here to arrest you on your four counts of gross sexual imposition.

-ha! Mister Martin! I was looking for you. I have to important massage


to tell you, one from the princesses and the other from me.

-let’s start with your massage

Didn’t know Loser Martin swung that way.

-I would like to thank you and to offer you anything that you want for saving my rump and my job.

That’s the second time he’s mentioned both his life and career in the same phrase. Look, I know Shining Armor’s had practically no characterization in the show proper, but he’s more than a uniform.

Why is Shining Armor even here? Shouldn’t he be with Princess Cadence in the Crystal Empire?

Maybe this takes place before the season 2 finale? When he was just a guard captain?

So he was the one who charged me when I made Tia yelp.

“Oh yeah, you’re the stupid guard who did his royal duty in protecting his ruler”

-You can buy me something to eat if that is in your budget?

I smile appeared on his lips.

Bad touch counter: 42?

What does that even mean? Is that a jab at government employees not making that much money?

–Of course it is! Please follow me.

I followed him into what seems to be a fancy restaurant. I found it amusing to see the waitresses fight each other to be our table’s waitress.

Because that’s totally a thing that happens.

Shining armor wanted to tell me the other message he had for me but I asked him to wait till after our meal. I decided to learn more about him. It seems that the Sombra incident in the crystal palace hasn’t passed yet but they have met the changlings with queen Chrysalis.

So, did this guy see the show or not? He knows about specific events that have yet to happen- although he seems rather reluctant to share that knowledge with THE RULERS OF EQUESTRIA- but had to be told what the difference between a unicorn and a pegasus was.

Was this an aside to the reader? If so, that was still terrible delivery. He could’ve just blunted stated this takes place between seasons 2 and 3, and everything would’ve made sense. Well, everything but the characters acting like idiots.

Also, there goes your ‘before the Season 2 finale’ theory.

A waitress arrived to our table. He took a basic tomato salad but I decided to take a more adventurist path. Two simple words slipped thought my lips which caused the mare serving us to blush “Surprise me”.

Our meal arrived to our table simultaneously.

A restaurant that gives you your food before you submit your order? What a novel concept!

Well now we know where Starlight Glimmer got ahold of that unconstrained time travel spell…

Shining got the salad that he ordered, he made the remark that what I received was not even in the menu Spaghetti with béchamel sauce with a small bouquet of roses. I took one of the roses out of the bouquet and I took a good whiff of it

Loser, you’re in ponyland. They eat flowers. Stop playing with your food!

but it did not smell like roses should smell. It had a sent that aroused my senses. When I turned to the waitresses I say them whisper between themselves with a strong blush on their faces. Those naughty little ponies.

Ummm…. whut?

They got in on the pheromone game, too, and gave him spiked… flowers? Did they try to roofie him?

That, or he’s discovered what happens in the real world to customers who sexually harass the waitstaff, and just doesn’t recognize the smell of kitchen garbage.

When finished eating, shining paid for the meal while I thanked the waitresses for the meals leaving the flowers there.

Again, you’re leaving food on the table.

Only a couple feet out of the restaurant, Shining started to talk about the massage once again.

Gosh, he’s almost as obsessed with massages as the ‘fic!

-Are you ready for your next massage?

-Yea sure.

-The princesses have offered you a place to stay at the canterlot castle and you may stay there tonight. The transport will be by carriage and you will be served the most luxurious life that ponies can offer.

As a reward for… existing, I guess.

Maybe this is Celestia’s subtle way of removing Loser from the general public; keeping him holed away in a tower would do wonders to curb the Bad Touch count.

“You will be served the most luxurious life that ponies can offer… ON THE MOON!”

-and what will happen if I refuse.

-Wha… why would you refuse such an offer?

“Two words. Concrete. Horseshoes.”

Riiiight, let’s get the mob involved! Maybe this Loser’ll end up in a trash bag in the trunk of some beat-up taxi out in the city dump, see?

-I already have a job here in ponyville and I promised pinky pie I would stay at her place tonight. Many ponies will be sad if I disappeared like that.

-So will the princesses if you refuse.

He is putting me in a difficult position. I hate this.

It’s like a reverse Sophie’s Choice: He can have sex with the fan favorite, or a literal goddess, but not both.

Simple! Take Pinkie with you to the castle and fuck her brains out there. Why does everything have to be so complicated?

-Would you allow me to think about it?

He smiled and nodded. –Thank you again for saving me. See you some other time. With that he disappeared. Leaving me alone with my thoughts.

I walked and walk trying to clear my mind until I realized that I am at the tree in the hill. The night has overpowered the day now,

stars glistening in the pitch black sky. I decided to lie down on the ground besides the tree and to watch the relaxing sky as I used my hands like a pillow. After a while, I heard the hoof steps behind me and Luna’s voice.

-Are thou awake? She asked, a bit more than a whisper.

That seems like exactly the sort of thing a princess who traverses dreams would not need to ask.

I closed my eyes and started to breathe louder than usual to try and trick her. I can hear her approaching me. I can feel her hovering above me, watching my every move. A sudden touch of a fabric touches my stomach and tries to lift my shirt. Since when does she wear fabric? My shirt now lifted to my armpits leaving my bare chest exposed to the elements.

Good. Maybe now they’ll turn him to stone.

Bad touch counter: 43

A new feeling appeared on my chest; the blissful touch of fur on my skin. Was she lying on top of me?

I have a feeling that if an alicorn princess the size of a small car was lying on top of you, you’d know it.

Doing my best to not break character is getting harder by the second.

I have a feeling that’s not the only thing that was getting harder.

Yeah, his character’s broken already.

-Mmmh! So warm! She moaned

Once again, ponies are not ectotherms, desperately needing warm objects to regulate their body temperatures.

She was right. My body temperature is increasing by the second

What? Why? How?

He’s being pancaked by a horse. He’s not venting heat, and the pressure is generating some of its own.

and that’s not the only thing that’s increasing. My mind went blank when I felt Luna’s hot breath on my face, my eyes shot open. Her face was so close to mine, her puckered lips diving in for a kiss,

Bad touch counter: 44

her eyes half open to give more energy to her sense of touch


and her cheeks that are covered in a deep red blush.

-What are you doing?

The sudden sound of my voice caused her to shoot herself away from to land on her rump in front of me still blushing red but this time from embarrassment.

Now in front of me, I can see that she is wearing socks,

Not again.

light blue socks that made the blue in her eyes pop out.

-We are sorry.

-For what? Being curious?

-That, and for using hyphens instead of quotation marks in all of our dialogue for some reason.

I burst into laughter to make her feel more comfortable.

-It will take much more than that to make me hate you, luna.

-But we tried to…

“We tried to get thou to hate us just to make the inappropriate touching stop”

I placed a finger on her lips to make her stop talking.

… Asshole.

Bad touch counter: 45

I knew she would just degrade herself if I didn’t stop her.

“Nobody gets to degrade these characters but me!”

-The past is history, the future is a mystery and the present is a gift that why we call it a present.



As I said last night, do not worry about the past, live as you still can. If you wanted to cuddle you could have just ask.

Thank you kung Fu Panda. Even though my words were cheesy, it still worked. She looked at me with tear filled eyes; a smile on her blushing face.

-thou always know what to say.

-I don’t want to brag but yea, I do. I said jokingly.

Stu powers: Activate!

He doesn’t want to brag but yes, he does in fact brag.

Before a can react, Luna pounced on me to cuddle against my warmth.

Bad touch counter: 46

We stayed there on the ground in each other’s embrace; her trying to get as much warmth as she can and I petting her silky mane and fur.

You know, if these ponies are really so starved for heat that they’ll rub up on anything with a pulse, how come the Stu doesn’t find them cold?

Maybe they just have a very low specific heat?

They are apparently made of foam, after all…

We stayed like that in what feel like a couple seconds but was actually 30 minutes. She told me that she had to continue her nightly duty and hopes to see me tomorrow night.

I told myself that it was late enough and went back towards pinky’s place. Shadows passed by me multiple times making me feel a bit nervous. My head got struck by something hard. Holding the painful spot with both of my hands and screamed in pain. I was being attacked! But by what? I turned my head to see who was attacking me but there was nopony there.

*sigh*… Serketry, give me that baseball bat.

Just stop! Stop doing this!

I hit me again

… Guess that puts a whole new meaning to the phrase ‘knock yourself out’.

and this time strong enough to knock me out.


I woke up with a massif headache. Holding my head with my right hand to help calm down the pain. Little by little my senses came back to me. It seems that I was in some sort of cavern lighted up with torches. It seems that I was lying on a basic white mattress while I was K.O. I got off the mattress and landed on something squishy. I crouched down to see what it was and what I saw brought fear to my heart. Thick green slime.

I know who’s responsible here. I want to see her drain the love from this little sack of shit until nothing but a shriveled husk remains, barely able to crawl away in terror.

But I know where this is going. ‘Love for the love bugs’ and all that crap.

Well, remember.

It could always be worse.

Never forgive… never forget…

Hmm. You know how much I hated this turn of events… and yet I’m still keeping with the show. What happened to piss off doomboom1234 to make him quit?

Yeah… I mean, I sort of lost interest in it around the same time he did because it had yet to get really good and real life intervened, but I just sort of stopped interacting with it. I didn’t write long, vague apology notes to the fandom. That takes a special kind of dramatist. Looking on his profile it seems like he did get himself in the hospital at about this time with two broken arms, but then his writing continues for a while afterwards before mysteriously stopping. He doesn’t seem like a terrible person, so I kind of hope nothing actually bad happened to him.


16 Comments on “1752: Fall to Equestria – Chapters Twelve and Thirteen”

  1. BatJamags says:

    There I was once again alone.

  2. BatJamags says:

    There I saw Lotus and Aloe entering the room blushing hot.

    I hate.

    • GhostCat says:

      Quick, someone distract Crunchy with something shiny while I go get the bucket of ice water!

    • BatJamags says:

      Two simple words slipped thought my lips which caused the mare serving us to blush “Surprise me”.


      • BatJamags says:

        The sudden sound of my voice caused her to shoot herself away from to land on her rump in front of me still blushing red but this time from embarrassment.

        I will break out the superweapons again.

      • BatJamags says:

        She looked at me with tear filled eyes; a smile on her blushing face.

        Alright, I think I’ve got something.

        *Calls someone on the phone*

        Yeah, I need some superweapons. Can you hook me up?

        Targeted is better, but collateral damage is entirely acceptable.

        That sounds lovely, thank you.

        *Hangs up*

        Right, so let’s see if the orbital laser does the trick.

  3. BatJamags says:

    -ha! Mister Martin! I was looking for you. I have to important massage

    What the fuck is this bullshit? Did the author forget how to do quotation marks?

  4. BatJamags says:

    Good. Maybe now they’ll turn him to stone.

    You’re making this entirely too easy.

  5. BatJamags says:

    I hit me again

    The first rule of badfic club: You don’t talk about badfic club.

    The second rule of badfic club: You don’t talk about badfic club.

  6. TacoMagic says:

    Without warning Aloe’s lips darted to my face

    For crap’s sake, Goeth, what did we tell you about the sentient lips!?

  7. TacoMagic says:

    -The past is history, the future is a mystery and the present is a gift that why we call it a present.

    Leave Kung Fu Panda out of this. Isn’t sullying one canon enough?

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