1745: Fall to Equestria – Chapters Nine, Ten, and Eleven

Title: Fall to Equestria
Author: doomboom1234
Media: Television/Cartoon
Topic: My Little Pony: FIM
Genre: Sex/Comedy/Human/Random/Romance
URL:  Chapter Seven
Critiqued by AdmiralSakai and Serketry

Hello hello all  you patrons!

Last time on Fall to Equestria, Twilight sprouted labia, used the narrator… protagonist… thing… as a sex aid, and Celestia stepped on Luna’s turf by invading his dreams. Then he traded a few more sexual favours for a job at the Ponyville Day Spa, which he keeps calling the Bridle Gossip for some asinine reason. We left as one of the Spa Sisters was just about to collect on her end of the deal.

Bad Touch Counter: 25

In a bit of a non sequitur, Chapter Eight is entitled “Celestia who?”

As I brought my hands down I saw her shivering with anticipation. I decided to taunt her before starting the real massage.

… Douchebag.

You seem to be mistaking a massage with foreplay. And while there is some overlap, you’re in a day spa. This is not the place for that.

I’m pretty sure you mean this wasn’t the place for that. Since apparently this story thinks a bakery is a perfectly acceptable location for handjobs.

I brought a single finger just above the base of her tail. I heard her yelp at my touch.

That’s the dock. There shouldn’t be many nerves on the topside. Stop being bad at anatomy.

Bad Touch Counter: 26

I slowly slided my finger up her spine giving her jolts of pleasure and anticipation.

When my finger was at her neck I decided to start the real massage. I used my thumps to rub on each side of her spine while my other fingers on the muscles on her back while very slowly going down her back.

Credit where credit is due, this is an actual massage technique.

“Oh Celestia! This is soooo good!” she moaned.

No, at absolute best it’s passable.

“Who is this Celestia?” I asked innocently.

“You mean you don’t know who princess Celestia is?” Aloe asked me in disbelieve.

He’s been here (conscious) for barely 24 hours. He hasn’t made it that far into the tour; he’s too busy thinking of boning *you*, Aloe,

“Nope, but I would like to know more about her?”

… You’re telling me you had a deep, therapeutic, hours-long conversation with Princess Luna last night and she never once mentioned her older sister and co-ruler of Equestria?

It’d be part of the 1000 years of lost time she didn’t want to talk about.

“Princess is the goddess of the sun and the ruler of all Equestria.” Rarity said

No need to specify which Princess… after all, there’s only, like, four.

Three, this is pre-season 4, remember?

Fair enough, I guess.

“Could you please give me any physical description?” I asked thinking once again about my dream.

“Of course, darling! Princess Celestia is a pearl white alicorn with a majestic flowing mane.

Yep! That’s the one!

The pony of last night dream reappeared in my mind. I had to have more information.

“Is she the sister of Luna?”

“Elder sister, to be more precise.”

“I remember that Twilight sent a letter to Luna’s sister; is she the one that she sends her letters? Because she looked to be accustomed to send her letters.”

“Yes! Each time that we discover a lesson about friendship we send her a letter to inform her of that lesson.”

“After a while, we’ve noticed it gets rather… episodic.”

“…except for that one time Twilight went insane and brainwashed the whole town into chasing a ratty old doll…”

That is when I figured out. My dream was a premonition of what I need to do too get her love.

What, stand still and get groped?

Resist her advances?

Disrespect her position as ruler of Equestria?

I continued the massage; making Lotus moan in every touch. After 30 minutes of massage I stopped.

“Did you like your massage?” I asked to Lotus

“It’s divine!” she moaned

“It seems that you get the job, Louis.” Aloe said to me. “When do you want to start?”

“I would like to work three days a week, if possible?” I asked.

What on Equestria could you need 4 days off for?

I’d say studying the world and its culture, but I’m pretty sure that if he can’t fondle it the Stu’s not going to be that interested.

“Of course! Could you just help me do a menu for your hand massaged please?”

I grabbed a peace of paper, a quill and started righting a menu with original names.

Main

Limb tenderizer: leg massage

Back liberator: back massage

Doorway to heaven: full body

Bonus

Smoking grip

Mind relaxer

… Those don’t sound like massage techniques, those sound like finishing moves.

“What’s a ‘Mind relaxer?’” asked Aloe

“It’s exactly what it says; it relaxes the mind of the client.”

“The main ingredient is marijuana.”

“Show me!” commanded Aloe

“It’s only faire. Lotus got the massage. Come over here, Aloe!”

Aloe walks towards me and sat on the massage table that Lotus was on not long ago.

“What happens now?” she asked

“This” I grabbed her chin to keep it steady as I locked lips with her.

Bad Touch Counter: 27

“SIR! This is a day spa, not a.. a massage parlor!”

Her eyes shot open from the sudden kiss but didn’t move away.

Good, because if they did they would exit her skull.

I decided to deepen the kiss poking my tongue between her teeth. I saw her eyes slowly closing to taste me better. She tasted sweet. She moaned in my mouth breathlessly.

After two minutes of kissing I decided to break it.

Only one actual kiss took place; I’d believe a 2-minute snogging session, but a single kiss lasting 2 minutes? No. The taste of each other’s breakfasts would get old, one of you’d have to come up for air, and the taste of someone else’s mouth is only sweet when something is decaying. Or they have really high blood sugar.

As I moved my face away from hers, I looked at the two other ponies; they where blushing furiously.

I wiped the residue of saliva from my mouth. “So! Is your mind relaxed?”

“Yeessss” she moaned her eyes still closed; savouring my saliva.

Ew.

I am beginning to think there is something profoundly wrong with the biochemistry of Equestria in relation to Earth.

“Good. I shall come back in two days for my first day of work. I shall leave you girls to put a prise on my menu.”

I turned to Rarity. ”Rarity, you have no need to reserve; I have a better plan for you. Spike told me that he wanted to learn how to do my special massages. Do you mind that I take you for his massage lesson?”

“No! Not at all darling!”

I took my shirt and walk toward the exit but a pony that was in the waiting room took my attention. It was Lyra.

Oh bollocks.

“Good morning Lyra!” I happily said.

She looked up. As soon that she saw my face, her face turned crimson and she had a surprised look on her face.

“You…You’re not mad at me?” she asked

“Why should I?” I laugh

“I…I did cum on your face.”

While we did have a crack theory that the ponies were actually large, highly evolved single-celled organisms that could mate through conjugation… even in this case, what was launched from Lyra’s horn wasn’t ejaculate. Concentrated pheromones, some other biological discharge, but not that.

I love how he’s most able to recognize other ponies not by their personalities or even appearances, but by what sex act he performed on or with them.

“Those are just details. Just next time tell me when you cum. OK?” I said seductively.

Her eyes shot open at my last words. “Ne…Next time?”

I laugh loudly as I walk toward the door

Douchebag.

but before exiting I had to say one last thing to Lyra.

“We never know what the future awaits for us”. I said teasingly.

No, but we can look back at the tags.

I exited the spa with Rarity. She said that she had some dresses to make and ran off.

Completely forgetting the part where she just said she was going to go to the massage lesson with Spike.

Any excuse to avoid him.

I walk in that street saluting everypony that I see.

why? Are you rubbing in the fact that your have hands?

Heh heh… ‘rubbing in’…

With no warning, Pinkie jumped out of nowhere and hugged my chest.

“I am not foalsiting the baby cakes tonight. You can sleep at my place now.” She said happily.

Pinkie, you live in the bakery loft. Are you sure the Cakes are ok with this? Sure, there might be a clause in the renter’s agreement, but I think they’re going to want some notice.

I have a feeling they would not only want notice, they also wouldn’t want him within 30 meters of their kids.

Or, you know, they wouldn’t want to hear loud, chaotic pony sex from upstairs. No one wants to hear the neighbors fucking.

“Great! But first we must warn Twilight about this. Ok?”

She needs time to purchase a replacement dakimakura.

Or an electric blanket. Or a trip to the hospital because her core body temperature is plummeting.

“Okie dokie lokie”

I told her to descend me to start our walk towards Twi’s house but something caught my interest. In the shy, there was a carriage pulled by two Pegasus.

That seems highly unpleasant for the Shy.

It was moving too quickly to see who was behind. I managed to take a good look when they landed in front of me and pinkie. It was Celestia.

Time to put my dream to reality.

WRONG ROYAL, DUNKASS.

Sorry for the short chapter it’s just that I am suffering of writers block and it sucks big time,

Although it still sucks big time when he’s not suffering from writer’s block, so nothing of value was lost.

diablo3 isn’t helping either. Still here is the next chapter hope you like it

Actually, the next chapter isn’t a chapter at all but an author’s note called ‘resurrection of a fallen brony’, which sounds substantially more badass that what the contents actually are:

Thank you all so much for all your support and care it was all really appreciated. Sorry if I all scared you with the cancellation of the story,

We could only hope.

I was acting with a broken heart. Now I am feeling much better. My `EX` soon realized that she lost more than expected

Well that’s… ominous.

and I manage to find myself a job that makes me happy.

Somehow, I suspect it was not as a writer.

Why am I telling you all that? Because I accidently brought you all in this mayhem and made you all sad by my sudden reaction. I just wanted to say that thanks to the warm hearts of the Brony community. I am now working on my other story for the moment but when I wil be finish with that story. I will come back to this one. BROHOOF YOU ALL!!!!

After that, we dive right into something called “A new friend”. I just hope it’s not the one in Loser Martin’s pants.

I realized that when the sun goddess descended her carriage, all the ponies around her bowed down to her royalty. I just stood there looking at her with no shame.

Like the disrespectful moron you are. I bet he’s one of those people who, when visiting Britain, thinks it’s funny to try to distract the palace guards.

Suddenly a spear pointed directly toward my neck, almost touching it.

Whoa! Failing to kneel isn’t a capital offence. Unless it is, here, and Celestia is a tyrant…

Gosh, what a novel idea!

I just looked at the guard who was holding the weapon with his magic without showing any trace of fear in my face.

Idiotic bravery is still idiocy.

Careful with that edge, Loser. Might cut yourself.

″May I please have the reason of this aggression?″ I asked with a calm voice.

″You dare not bow to the ruler of Equestria.″

I just smiled at him. ″That would be giving her what she wants and not what she need. ″ I said calmly.

What the actual fuck. She’s a state official, you can at least afford her the common courtesy of bowing at the waist.

Next thing you know, he’ll be spreading the ‘truth’ of how the Princesses don’t actually move the sun and moon.

The guard instantly brought the sharp edge of his spear closer to my neck with an irritated look on he’s face.

So, he didn’t move it at all, if it was already “almost touching” your neck.

″How dare you question the princess desire? ″ He screamed at me

Yeah, questioning the Stu’s “princess desire” is our job!

″And how dare you threaten the only reason that I am here? ″

We both look up at the sun goddess who was giving an irritated look to the guard.

″But princess, he refuses to bow to you. ″ The guard stated in his defence.

″And does that make him a threat? ″ asked Celestia trying to make the guard realize his actions.

No, it just makes him an insolent prick.

The guard lowered his weapon and down at his hooves. When I lifted my head I saw Celestia looking directly at me. She even seems to be scanning me with her eyes from toes to head. Once she finishes scanning, she was staring in my eyes as if she was trying to see my soul.

What soul?

″Louis-R Martin. Right? ″ She finally says to break the ice.

″It seems that my name is getting well known. ″ I remarked

She only got a letter from her star pupil last night detailing your arrival and early interactions with the town and populace.

And probably more than a few reports from the local constabulary.

″You have no Idea! Anyway, I heard you say that bowing to me would be giving me what I want and not what I need; so tell me what do I need? ″ She askes

I gave her a charming smile. ″A friend. ″

″What? ″ She say a bit confused.

I slightly giggle as I kept my smile. ″You have so many subjects but do you have a friend?

Well, there’s Luna… and Twilight… and leaders of the allied countries of Saddle Arabia and the Griffon Kingdom… and her close advisers… and Cadence and Shining Armor…

Sombra and alt!Luna from the mirror universe…

Take your fucking pick, really.

I heard that you student sends you letters telling you the advantage of friendship and with your reaction you are not used to have one. ″ I stretch my arm to her and open my hand. ″ Now I ask you, do you accept my friendship? ″

Your friendship is your dick, isn’t it?

She looked at my hand then my face with a confused look and back to my hand; she repeated her action a couple times. Starting to get impatient, I let my hand fall to my side and sight.

″If that is your chose princess. ″ I said with a sad smile as I bowed respectably in front of her and turned around to join back Pinkie pie.

You sanctimonious prick.

As expected the princess accepted my friendship but not in an expected way. I felt her jump on my back

Crushing you instantly…

Bad Touch Counter: 28

as her fore hooves rolls around my neck and her head on my right shoulder.

″I accept your friendship with opened hooves. ″She whispered in my ear.

I looked back at her and saw her tear filled eyes looking back at me.

″Are those tears of happiness there Celestia? ″ I asked with a smooth smile.

“No.”

She nodded as she nuzzled my neck with her nose. I looked back at Pinkie pie as I brought a hand to Celestia’s head to start petting her.

Bad Touch Counter: 29

″Pinkie, could you go see Twilight and tell her that I will sleep at your place tonight. Ok! I will be at the Sugarcube corner late tonight. ″ I said to Pinkie.

She simply nodded with a large smile and hopped toward the library. I looked again at the sun goddess on my shoulder who was now hugging me tighter as tears of rolled on her cheeks.

I think Celestia has realized where this ‘fic is going and is trying to crush the Stu before he can do any more damage.

″So, do you want to go eat something? ″I asked calmly as I pet the back of her head. Her silky smooth mane felt amazingly good between my fingers.

What Loser Martin thinks Celestia is experiencing…

… and what Celestia is actually experiencing.

She nodded before slowly getting off me. As we walked in the street, she kept thanking me for being her friend. I soon realized that we were followed by five or six guards in the sky and ground.

″Do you acctualy need all these guards? ″ I asked her.

“Yes. They are here to keep crazed fans from jumping on me in the middle of the street and trying to feel me up.

Oh.”

“They’re just for show, we all know they drop like rocks in a fight. Changelings, Tirek, plunder vines… really we just keep them around to inflate the price of gold.”

″Actualy no! there just there to make me feel important. ″ She said with a amused smile. ″You don’t like them? ″

″No I don’t like them. They give me a feeling that they will arrest me if I do something wrong. ″

Yes, that’s generally what security and law enforcement personnel are for….

She chuckled. ″Don’t be silly they would never do thEEEP″

I surprised her as I touched her back. As I though, three guards ran at me and tackled me on the ground.

Bad Touch Counter: 30

Bad Touch Counter: 31

BAD TOUCH COUNTER TIMES TWO COMBO!!!

″I told ya. ″ I said breathlessly.

″GUARDS! GET OFF HIM RIGHT THIS INSTENCE. ″ Celestia screamed with anger.

″but princess he made you yelp! ″The stallion on top me said in their defence.

″ARE YOU REFUSING A DIRECT ORDER! ″She screamed now steaming with anger.

″But princess…″ This time he didn’t had time to finish his phase; he was thrown off of me by the angry goddess’s powerful magic. I saw him fly in the air and landed on the dirt floor. Celestia’s face was contorted by anger,

I had to do something. I quickly got up and hugged Celestia tightly before she does another attack.

Good way to get yourself incinerated, that.

Bad Touch Counter: 32

″Celestia, calm down! You don’t have to be angry with a misunderstood. They just want your protection, no need to kill one. ″ I said in her ears.

″You’re right I am just getting really hungry. Let’s go eat. ″ She said

… Was she planning to eat the guard?

Alright, jokes and comic images aside, this needs to be addressed, shortly.

I lifted an eyebrow at her confusing reason but didn’t protest since I was as well hungry. I looked at the guard who was on the ground to see if he was alright. He was looking back at me and said thank you for saving his life and job.

I don’t know; one way or another, he was gonna get fired today.

We continued our walk and searched for a suitable restaurant for us. As we walked I saw that there weren’t any more guards following us; they learn from their mistakes.

Unlike the author.

This is all so wrong.

We finally found a good cafe for us to rest and eat, as expected; since I was with the princess all the food was free. We ordered, ate and talked with each other to better know ourselves.

More pseudophilosphical dross.

Doomboom, saying your characters had development is not the same thing as actually developing them.

Suddenly, a question popped in my head and I had to ask it. ″Celestia, why were you so angry at the guard who charged me? ″

Oh really, you had to drone about yourself first before wondering why this seemingly friendly horse-like firegod nearly murdered one of her own employees?

″Well… it’s the first time in many years that I have a friend

Bullshit. Celestia may have a regal, unapproachable air about her, but she does make friends. She forms relationships with the faculty at her school…

Her former castle staff members…

Her students, former and current…

She had a nearly unbreakable bond with Starswirl the Bearded, traveling between worlds and documenting everything alien, for MAGIC! But, beyond friendships…

She had romances. When she and Starswirl discovered a mirror universe ruled by a kind and benevolent King Sombra, she formed a strong, millenia-lasting romantic bond with him. And, while it ultimately ended in tragedy, this story takes place within the second season. Before the final events would have happened.

But I’m getting off topic. This fic *pissed me off* with this Friendless Celestia bullshit more than any amount of softcore ponyporn ever could. This is *bad* characterization, even for early season stuff where not all that much was known about her. So let me phrase this so you can read it in French-Canadian: Ce n’est pas une Celestia.

and I wanted to make a good impression on you. When Shining Armour attacked you I thought you wouldn’t like me for their action. ″

Wait, that no-name grunt was supposed to be Shining Armor? As in, the commander of the Royal Guard? Shouldn’t he not be the one actually tackling random weirdos trying to molest the princess?

Chock another one up to a characterization abject failure.

I mean, he’s more than willing to take a spell for his Princess when the big bads come to town, but that’s usually after all of his troops have been incapped. He’s their last line of defense, not their first.

″Don‘t be ridiculous. You are not only the goddess of the sun but also the ruler of all this land. You have already impressed me;

Evidently not enough to bow.

you just need to be yourself. ″ I laugh with a large smile.

She smiled back and slightly blushed. ″Thank you, it feels good to hear you say that. ″ She said with a smoother voice than usual.

We finished eating and got out of the cafe with full stomachs. I saw that Celestia looked sadder than before.

An entirely reasonable response to spending an afternoon with Loser Martin.

I lead my hand on her back to get her attention, which work perfectly.

Bad Touch Counter: 33

″What’s going on you look sadder than before? ″ I asked her.

We heard you the first time, Loser.

″I am sorry but I have to go. I have royal duties to take care of but I really want to stay with you. ″ She said sadly.

I was now scratching her back sending shivers in her spine.

Bad Touch Counter: 34

″I understand. Go and do your duty; I will be waiting for you here in ponyville for our next encounter. Maybe we can go play some bowling together next time!″

She looked back at me, now smiling, with her beautiful face of hers. ″I would love to.″ she said before disappearing in front of me with a bright flash.

Is… is he attempting to court her?

I was now all alone in front of the café, nothing to do now. I just stated to walking for no reason,

Riveting narrative.

looking at the surrounding to familiarise with ponyville.

As I walked many mares gave me gifts, a flower from Roseluck or Daisy, candy from Bon Bon, etc…

Ok, seriously, does everyone just think this guy is fucking Jesus Of Neighzareth?

To be fair, all he’d have to say is it’s his birthday, and he could extort all sorts of stuff from the town.

See: Spike’s haul after a half a day’s panhandling.

I rapidly got bored.

Well color me impressed. I was bored after two chapters.

I saw that I was back at the Bridle Gossip.

It’s NOT called that!

″Meh…Lets go for a massage. ″ I said to myself.

As I entered I saw Lotus behind to the desk taking orders.

You mean reservations. Unless the Ponyville Day Spa ships prepackaged massages to your house by mail.

″Welcome to the Bri…Oh! Louis! What brings you to this pleasant surprise? You said that you won’t work today. ″

As soon that she said that, the clients in the waiting room smile wildly now knowing that I will work here.

Why do they care? All they know is that he’s the alien pervert who jerked off Lyra at his own welcoming party. That’s not an encouraging thing to find working at our local spa.

You may have been onto something with the biochemical differences. Maybe human pheromones are super-concentrated, compared to ponies’?

Dear God I hope not.

″Who said that I was here to work? I just got bored and though that a good massage would be amusing. ″ I said with a charming smile.

The eyes of lotus shined with excitement. ″Come right here I will give you the deluxe version with a special ending. ″ She said with a very sensual voice as her face started to blush.

Are you serious. I was making a joke about this not being a massage parlor. It isn’t a massage parlor. ‘Massage parlor’ is a euphemism for a brothel. This is not a brothel.

iiiiiiiit’s a brothel.

I will believe that this will be very relaxing.

Boom baby! I am back and kicking with idea to continue this story.

Only the one, though.

I hope you like this chapter and don’t worry next one will get hotter!!!

And by that I hope he means the ponies will finally warm to room temperature.

No. I did not like this chapter. I was coasting along up until this point, hyperbolizing my reactions to the touchy feely crap and the odd factual error. But this travesty to Celestia’s character deserves immediate banishment to the moon. And it goes beyond Celestia, too. I am tired of these fics depicting every mare in Equestria as sexually frustrated and in desperate need of an orgasm, and only the OC’s magic touch/words/cock can free them. Yes, the show doesn’t show much in terms of romance, and it almost always shies away from sensuality. Besides a few times Rarity’s put the charm on to persuade a stallion, or her genuinely creepy stalker shine to Trenderhoof- and the awkward three-way romance that followed- the show has been fairly chaste. Because it’s a kid’s show. But this isn’t a derisive comment, it’s just the reason why we never see any sex on the show or in the comics. We know it’s happening. The Cakes have their twins, and Shining Armor and Cadance have had their first royal foal, so the few romances we do see also have sexuality behind them, but it’s not the point of this franchise to show it. And while I am whole-heartedly for exploring some of the unseen interactions between characters, turning everypony into repressed, horny, sex-craving maniacs is NOT the way to go about it.

God damn.

Now I remember why I keep you around.

I’m not opposed to smutfics, I don’t find anything fundamentally wrong with ponyporn… but when you botch the characters this badly, there’s the problem.

Anyway till next time.

Next time… well, there is indeed more porn. And, sadly, more Lunacy.

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6 Comments on “1745: Fall to Equestria – Chapters Nine, Ten, and Eleven”

  1. BatJamags says:

    Louis-R Martin

    This is still not how middle initials work in English or French.

  2. BatJamags says:

    So let me phrase this so you can read it in French-Canadian: Ce n’est pas une Celestia.

    • GhostCat says:

      Random French thing I just remembered: My mother took French in high school and one afternoon her boyfriend at the time (the late 1960s) was helping her with her homework and was trying to pronounce “Merci beaucoup, monsieur” but it came out as “Mercy buckets, Mister Monster.” When I was little we would sometimes say “mercy buckets” instead of “thank you”.

    • Serketry says:

      Bugger, I got the French wrong. I speak 2 languages; American and English. Though I can honestly say I tried harder at writing in a foreign language than doomboom did.

    • BatJamags says:

      It’s basically correct. I’m not sure if you were referencing that Magritte painting or just generically saying it, but “This is not a Celestia” I think would follow the same structure as the painting, and “This is not Celestia” would be “Cette n’est pas Celestia.”


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