1741: The Girl – Chapter SevenPosted: April 23, 2017
Title: The Girl
Topic: The Outsiders
URL: Chapter Seven
Critiqued by Angie
Disclaimer: Probably something about a Soc and a Greaser.
*waves widely* Howdy, patrons! My name is Angie, and we are back with the seventh edition of The Girl and, surprise surprise, our POV isn’t Ponyboy, Darry or Riley for once!
Granted, the POV we have is Two-Bit, but I’ll take what I can get I suppose.
So with that, let’s dive into the seventh chapter of The Girl.
Chapter 7: Two-bit
Riley seemed all right to me.
That’s a relief. To be fair, though, Riley always seemed like the ‘left’ kind of gall. But seeing as we’ve finally returned to the ‘haha! It’s funny because it’s bad grammar!’ portion of the fic, I’m glad to see we’re off to a good start.
Pretty tough for a chick. I followed her and Ponyboy to her house, unsure of what was going on, but I didn’t ask.
While Two-Bit is accurately the misogynistic asshole we’ve all grown to love, this misogynistic asshole is still a misogynistic asshole. Which is lame.
They were both silent on the walk, seemed a little tense. I made some jokes along the way trying to lighten the mood, but only Riley laughed and you could tell it was half ass.
Well yeah. I guess Two-Bit doesn’t exactly censor himself in front of women. Which…honestly, why should he? Say what you will about this chapter, it’s almost accurately portraying the definite rules that The Outsiders set.
Halfway there, I realized we were getting closer to the South side and wondered where the hell this chick came from.
I’ll give you one guess. It’s one of those trick questions where the answer is in the question.
As we past the park, I saw a mustang trailing us. After a loop past us, it came around again and pulled aside about 5 feet in front of us. Ponyboy and I stopped, but Riley kept walking, not paying attention to the car.
Oh boy, some conflict that will almost certainly be resolved within the next three hundred words! God knows we want another one of those!
As Riley got to the backside door, the doors opened and 3 Socs walked out and one of them grabbed Riley’s arm and pulled him to her. Ponyboy and I trotted up closer so that we could hear them talk.
Instead of…like…well, fuck, I don’t know, helping her? Your logic isn’t exactly the ritz, but you know what? I totally believe it.
I totally believe that Two-Bit and Ponyboy aren’t helping Riley. Because you know what? You know what happened when Johnny saved Ponyboy? Remember that giant-ass Rube Goldberg affect that resulted in two deaths within ten pages in the source material? So yeah. I buy it.
*gives the author a redemption cookie*
“Been looking for ya…” The one holding her arm said in a scruff voiced.
*takes redemption cookie back* Sorry about that.
He was wearing a blue sweater and khakis. Riley seemed to know him, so Ponyboy and I just stood there watching.
*sigh* Okay, here’s the thing. That fact was reasonable in the first instance, but now you’re just beating the dead horse to the point where I can’t redeem you.
“I ain’t been hiding…” Riley said calmly, looking right into his eyes.
Certainly been hiding a faux Southern accent, though. That is a thing you have been doing.
“Stop and seen Earl lately?” I heard Ponyboy take a deep breath when she said that and I glanced at him, but he didn’t move so I stayed.
What were you going to do, run? I don’t know what the point of y’all going out was, but frankly, you guys being close to Earl’s house probably isn’t a coincidence.
“I’ve seen him around…” He glanced at Ponyboy and me then back at Riley. “Guess the rumors are true about who you’re running with…”
I wonder at which point logic mashes with fanfiction, seeing as…you know, this isn’t only a criticism with fanfictions, but it’s always annoyed me that POVs can understand everything a person is saying with 100% accuracy. Unless it’s in a family film, in which case…comedy gold.
“Watch it…” I snapped, glaring at him.
“Leave them out of this Davis…what do you want?”
Oh! That’s right. We just got another five OCs! Which…I don’t know, is impressive or something. Look. OCs in general aren’t really a problem. But when a) the universe is vast enough that you don’t exactly need OCs, or b) they’re only there to force conflict, something’s definitely wrong with your characters.
“Just checking on my baby sister…shouldn’t a big brother be worried?”
Whelp. I suppose I should be surprised right about now. But…honestly, is anyone in the Library actually caught off guard by this? I suppose foreshadowing is fine in moderation, but…somehow there’s no foreshadowing in here and I saw this coming from a mile away.
Riley laughed. “You ain’t been worried yet, so don’t start.” She pushed him and he let go. Riley started to walk away and one of the Socs with Davis grabbed Riley and pinned her against the wall.
…so, two Socs. Why didn’t you just say two Socs—wait. Is it…is it just saying it’s one of the Socs in the group with Davis? Well, no, that doesn’t make any sense either…
Ponyboy and I ran up. “Let her go!” Ponyboy yelled, as he grabbed the Socs and tried to pull him off.
Because they clearly say Socs in that sentence. Davis clearly didn’t care enough to hold on to her, in any case, if she was able to escape his grip so easily. So that’s…a thing.
I ran up to Davis and knocked him to the ground. “Lay off!” I yelled at him and punched him square in the jaw. He got up and ran into the car and the rest followed. The Socs holding Riley had dropped her and she sat on the ground, coughing slightly.
Okay…first thing. One, most Socs I know wouldn’t run like pussies when a Greaser knocked them to the ground and punched them. Maybe if they got stabbed (thanks Ralph Macchio), but I rest my case. Two, why on Earth is she coughing? From the description, there’s not exactly any reason for her to be coughing other than to look like a poor son of a bitch. Which…she is, but whatever.
Ponyboy walked over to Riley. “You ok?”
She laughed. “I’m fine! Seriously, you guys shouldn’t have started anything.”
Aye, but…it was the Socs that started everything. Well, actually, if anyone, it was Earl. Which…we can assume he’s a Soc, right?
I watched to make sure they were driving off then turned to Riley. “Who was that?”
She got up and brushed herself off. “My half brother Davis…ain’t seen him since we were kids…too bad he hasn’t changed.”
Somehow I believe we went over th—
*BLARING ALARMS BLARE*
Oh, good Christ in numbers.
She pulled out a cigarette and lit it. “Can we go please? I want to get back…”
The default mode for Riley seems to be smoking a cigarette, which…you know, it’s fine, lots of characters do it, but…god, is Riley just a fucking chainsmoker? Will she be on the new album? We can only speculate.
We finished the walk in silence. Riley stayed ahead of Ponyboy and me. He was quiet, keeping his eye on Riley. I have to admit I couldn’t help, but glance at her back end…she had a great ass. We got to small house on the outskirts of the south side and she stopped.
That was…creepy. Frankly a little sexist. But you know what? Isn’t everything relating to Two Bit hilariously offensive? Why start now?
She turned to Ponyboy and me. “I’ll go in… You guys wait here…”
“You sure about that Riley?” Ponyboy asked, looking concern.
This is among the same lines of telling someone they are a homophobia. *snort-giggle*
She nodded. “His car isn’t out front here…he shouldn’t be home…” She turned and jogged inside.
That would make sense. I’m glad to hear Riley’s getting some common sense finally.
I looked at Ponyboy. “Who’s not home?”
He kept watching the door after Riley had walked in. “Her Dad…Earl…”
Was…was it important to capitalise ‘dad’? You wouldn’t capitalise father. You wouldn’t download a capitalisation.
We stood outside waiting for what seemed like hours, when Riley finally walked out, carrying a duffle back.
Oh, you poor sweet summer child.
“Let’s go…” She looked up, but didn’t look at either of us and just started heading back towards the house. We were silent the whole way home. Riley seemed shook up and scared of her own shadow.
When we got back to the house, Ponyboy walked in and I held the door open for Riley, but she shook her head. “I want to sit out here for a bit…if that’s ok?”
I shrugged. “Don’t matter to me…” I walked inside and sat next to Ponyboy on the couch.
“Sitting outside on the porch, she seems kind of off…”
Take one guess why, I’m pretty sure you’ll get it right.
Ponyboy shrugged. “I think Davis just shook her up, she gets crap from her Dad and now her brother.”
That was completely…
*BLARING ALARMS BLARE*
Oh my GOD.
I smiled. “Kind of remind you of Johnnycake don’t it?”
Wait a minute.
He nodded his head. “Yeah…if I didn’t know better, I’d swear that was Johnny’s little sister out there…”
*headdesk* *headdesk* *headdesk* *headdesk* *headdesk* *headdesk* *headdesk* *headdesk* *headdesk* *headdesk* *headdesk* *headdesk*
This is gonna be a thing, isn’t it. It’s gonna turn out that Riley is Johnny’s sister. It’s gonna happen. I can see it now.
I looked towards the door to make sure Riley wasn’t coming in then looked at Ponyboy. “So what’s the story with you two?”
Ponyboy laughed. “She’s my friend…she wouldn’t want to be with greaser like me…”
Unless you two were dating.
Which you are.
“Aww come on kid…you’re cute in that little kid way ya know?” I pulled him into a headlock and messed up his hair.
That line was kinda pointless, but it’s not really any more pointless than the rest of this fic.
“Hey stop!” He said pulling away, and then he glanced at the door. “You think she’s ok?”
“Only one way to find out.”
That isn’t dramatic.
Nor is it a cliffhanger.
See y’all next time!