1733: Fall to Equestria – Chapters Five and Six

Title: Fall to Equestria
Author: doomboom1234
Media: Television/Cartoon
Topic: My Little Pony: FIM
Genre: Sex/Comedy/Human/Random/Romance
URL:  Chapter Five
Critiqued by AdmiralSakai and Serketry

-WARNING-

After faffing around for close to five thousand words, this chapter of the so-called “Sex” ‘fic does indeed contain a money shot. Featuring technicolor horses. You have been warned.

Hello hello, all you patrons!

I’m back with some more of Fall to Equestria, the story of Loser Martin’s quest to inappropriately touch the entire primary cast of My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic. Last time, they had a meet-and-greet about human culture at the Golden Oaks library where it was revealed that six capable and intelligent mares had no idea what the word ‘omnivore’ means, the main character traded in his tragic past for a dickshirt, and Rarity got off.

While Spike watched in envy.

Which, alarmingly, was the most in-character thing to have happened.

It makes just as much sense in context.

Bad Touch Counter: 8

All of that, of course, brings us to Chapters Five and Six, “the party” parts one and two.

Twilight showed me around to sweet apple acres to sugar cube corner. She showed me where the bridle gossip (spa) was and the hospital (in case I injure myself).

I realized that there where nopony in the streets.

Animators fell asleep again.

I fell in my deep thought to figure out why.

“Are…Are you alright?” Twi ask beside me

“Yeah. I’m just trying to figure out why aren’t anypony out in the streets.”

You know, we always tell authors to show and not tell, but it takes a rare and special ‘fic to try to do both at the same time.

And that’s when it hit me. My eyes shot open surprising Twi beside me.

“What…What happen?” she ask panicking.

“Nothing!” I said to her while patting her on the head to calm her down. “I just figured out why nopony is here.”

“And why is that?” she ask.

They heard what happened to Rarity and are afraid of getting molested?

They see a freakish thing on the streets, and one of the Mane 6. So, it’s either a friendship problem, or a monster fight. Either way, it’s safer to just stay out of the heroines’ way.

“Well do you remember when I wined of being tired of always introducing myself?” she nodded. ”Pinkie pie said that she will take care of that and her being the party animal; she must have     invited everypony in ponyville for a surprise party in the bakery A.K.A sugar cube corner.

How the bloody hell does he know all this? Yeah the author’s watched the show, but this random person knows more about the town after crashing there for a few hours than Twilight did after she moved there and stayed a week or two.

”I said with logic

Twilight looked at me with amaze.

Oh God, the ‘fic is channeling Garfield Effect: Galaxy Adventure!

Suddenly Pinkie appeared in front of us scaring Twilight off the ground and in my arms.

Bad touch counter: 9

“What are you guys doing we are waiting for you in the bakery. Come-on lets go.”

Pinkie started to push me without giving me time to put Twi down. She stops pushing us when we were in front of the bakery’s door.

If she’s pushing them for a short enough time that he didn’t have a chance to put down the pony he was carrying (?!) then they must have been right next to the bakery to begin with. Pinkie may be crazy, but I highly doubt she would bother bamfing in in front of someone to tell them to walk three feet to their left.

As we stopped I instantly put Twi down.

J = Favg(t2-t1). If (t2-t1) → 0, then Twilight’s, let’s say 60 kg mass, under normal gravity, will hit the ground with nearly infinite impulse. Ouch.

Pinkie grabed Twilights hoof and ran in the bakery closing the door in my face. A bit insulted not knowing what to do I desided to wait and admirer the clear blue skies.

A couple minutes has past not knowing what was going in there. I heard the creaking of the door and I turned my head to nervous fluttershy in the door.

“You…You don’t want to come in?” she ask shyly.

I smiled at here to comfort her. “Nopony said that I could.” I explained

What are you, a vampire? It’s a public building, a business. Don’t be a sarcastic dick.

Yeah, that’s our job!

“Well in that cases do…do you want to come in?”

“I would love to.”

Well that exchange added a whole lot…

We both entered to bakery at the same time. It was completely dark, I wasn’t able to see anything.

The lights suddenly lidded the room forcing me to cover my eyes from the sudden change of luminosity. At the same time I heard a big ‘WELCOME’ witch echoed in my ears. I felt something grabbing my left leg. As my eyes slowly got used to the light, I looked down and saw fluttershy holding my leg; her forelegs around my waist and hind legs around the bottom of my leg while using my foot for a seat.

Bad touch counter: 10?

I wasn’t really intending it for when the Stu got molested…

Count it.

She must been startle by pinkie’s surprise party.

The surprise party that she herself was a part of.

This is season 2 Flutters, here. Barely past Putting Your Hoof Down, still afraid of her own shadow Fluttershy. Give her some slack, she’s yet to finish developing.

In that case, this is the most in-character she’s been through the whole ’fic.

I looked up and saw about fifty ponies staring at me with surprise and amaze. I saw a microphone held by a light blue glow floating in front of me waiting for me to present myself. I grabbed the mic while making it spin between my fingers just to impress my public and it seemed too worked.

Showoff. You’re not even the only creature here with opposable thumbs.

He’s a Stu- what did you expect?

“Good afternoon everypony, I am a human from another world or planet and my name is Louis. I would probably be here for a bit of time.

Or, you know, forever

I’m sure the earth would be better with his absence, but I can’t in good conscience inflict the ponies of Equestria with this blight.

I hope we could become very good friends.” I said joyfully.

The mic glowed back blue and floated to a white unicorn with a blue mane in front of a turntable.

Oh, goodie, I suppose it was only a matter of time before he decided to ruin Vinyl.

“Now let’s bass this party up” the unicorn yelled before putting on a rave beat.

Precisely one line after introducing her. -yay-

I looked down at fluttershy who was now cuddling my leg. I patted her on the head

Seriously? She’s not a dog startled by a thunderstorm.

I’m just glad he didn’t pat her on the rear. … You know, as pervy as this ‘fic comes across as, I have to take a minute, step back, and realize that basically everything that’s happened so far has been solidly PG.

Context, foresight, and tags, man.

The god damned tags.

Although I have seen my fair share of authors who put these on their ‘fics simply for mentioning where fillies come from.

Sadly, this is not one of them.

and asked her if she was comfortable. Her cheeks flushed and she got of my leg apologizing. I giggled a bit and told her that I accepted her apology with a big smile. She smiled back at me trotted in a random direction.

It happened to be down towards the center of Equestria at a sixteen-degree angle. She was never seen again.

As inspected pinkie pie appeared in front of me asking me if I was surprised.

“Nope!” I said tauntingly

“What! That can’t be!” Pinkie exclaimed

There must be other factors?

“It is very hard to surprise a psychologies

*walks over to the social sciences building*

*returns half an hour later after a ‘chat’ with campus security*

Demonstrably not true!

Not cool, man.

and I am not the nervous type.” MY eyes lit up as an Idea pop in my head.” Pinkie! Do you like challenges?”

Her face was filled with joy. “Do I ever!”

“Awesome! I’ll get the nutmeg!”

I’d get the absurdly hot hot sauce, but if Pinkie’s involved, there’s only one thing to get: Windingo Ghost Peppers.

Don’t worry, I wasn’t going to need to sleep tonight anyway.

“If you are able to surprise me before the party ends I will give you a tummy rub. Deal!”

“DEAL!” she hopped away.

Bad touch counter: Preemptively 11.

I sight knowing what I have done. I sat down to the nearest chair that I could find; their chairs are deferent of ours first they have no back support

So, they’re not chairs, but bar stools. You said you’re a 23-year-old psych major, how have you not been to a bar?

second they are uncomfortably low but I didn’t care I still sat down on it.

You are describing a stool. You are floundering to tell us that you sat on a footstool.

I looked around seeing what was everypony doing some where dancing others where talking many where just staring at me.

A mint green unicorn with a similar colored mane with a white strip approached me with two cups of punch floating in front of her.

“Do…Do you want something to drink?” she nervously ask.

Lyra, no. Leave the human alone, he won’t teach you how to sit like him.

He can barely even identify a chair.

I grabbed one of the cups and stated to dink it.

Dinky Doo is a mere filly, Louise. I’m keeping an eye on you…

I was surprised the punch was spiked.

Mmmm! Salmonella!

I thanked her and ask her name.

She blushed. ”Lyra, my name is Lyra”

Every fucking ‘fic she has to show up.

She puts her forelegs on my lap to get a better look at me. Her blush deepens.

Bad touch counter: 12

“Could you do me a favor?” I nodded. “Could you use your gorgeous hand and…” she squeaked and her face was now crimson. ‘…rub my horn?”

So apparently Lyra Heartstrings just asks random strangers to jerk her off in public.

That’s… umm… good to know?

Bon Bon will be most displeased. And that would mean this guy’s pissed off secret agent Sweetie Drops. Maybe he’ll be enough to revive the old Canterlot super-secret anti-monster agency. Because I refuse to acknowledge what is about to happen.

I raised an eye brow at her request. I brought a tentative hand to her horn who was now glowing. As I touched the base of the horn she yelped at the warm softness of my hand.

“P…Please touch it more.” She panted

And so I did. As I slowly brought my fingers up to the tip of the horn and then back to the bass.

Sexy!

Give it arms and legs, and some Atlantic coast villager will want to fuck it.

Now you’re just being intolerant.

She was panting heavily and drooling all over my lap.

Yuck.

After just a couple of strokes, she lets go a scream at the same time that her horn shot a sticky goo on my face forcing me to close one of my eyes. She fell on the ground twitching.

Ok, so I sort of get the idea behind hornjobs- horns are an important organ poised right over a unicorn’s brain, so it’s not implausible that it could be very sensitive to touch (although I for one always imagined the sensation as similar to someone rubbing an eardrum or dental nerve; not pleasant in the slightest). However, horns actually ejaculating? Why, and more importantly HOW?

Conjuration is one of the base unicorn powers, and an overwhelming pleasure sensation could result in a loss of control. That said, most creatures’ horns are b-keratin, if not actual bone. The length of the horn will have no more feeling that one’s finger nails. The base, admittedly, might have a large number of sensory nerves, and as anyone who’s damaged their nail’s cuticle will know. But none of this explains WHY THIS HAD TO HAPPEN IN A PUBLIC PLACE IN FRONT OF FIFTY-SOME VILLAGERS.

“What happen?” screamed Twi.

Lyra’s going to go away for a while for indecent exposure, or something like that.

Solicitation, too.

I looked around and saw all the ponies looking at me blushing hot.

‘Cause you essentially wanked off some random pony in the middle of your own surprise party! What’d you think was gonna happen?!

Probably an orgy or something else equally dumb.

I grabbed some of the goo that was on my face. It was a light blue and it glowed a little. I looked back at a blushing twilight.

“Please, tell me what just happened?”

“Since, having just screamed ‘What happened?’ yourself, you obviously have a decent idea of what happened.”

“Did you rub her horn?” I nodded. “Well, a unicorn’s horn is very sensitive and if well massaged it can give the host an orgasm.”

“And this goo?”

“It’s a magical residue that as the same effect that a powerful aphrodisiac.”

Of course it does.

“In that case can somepony give something to wipe my face?”

Suddenly pinkie jumped on to my lap.

“That’s not what I meant.”

(Please let that not be what he meant…)

Oh no, I see where this is going. This is gonna turn into a horniness plague, isn’t it.

I suppose it’s too much to ask for it to turn into 28 Pranks Later.

“Let me take care of that.” She said joyfully.

“PINKIE! NO!” Twi shouted but it was too late. Pinkie took all of the goo in her mouth with one lick.

Great, now his face is covered in hornjizz and spit.

See? Even Pinkie agrees this is gross!

As I looked at her swallowing the goo, I was afraid that she would become an uncontrollable sex beast.

Which would make her different from every single other character in this… how, exactly?

She looks back at me with a very hungry eyes.

Hope you have a redundant set of internal organs, you’re gonna end up as a pastry now.

Sorry for the lack of update I’ve been so occupied the last days that I barely got have any time for myself. Hope you like this next chapter. Please leave a comment it encourage me to right more.

He didn’t ‘right’ this ‘fic so much as he wronged it.

My heart was beating at a alarming rate. I knew that pinkie was a party animal

somehow.

He read the manuscript.

imagine that with a powerful aphrodisiac. She was still looking at me while standing on my laps.

“Did I win the deal?” she asked with a tauntingly.

I nodded. “So do you want your tummy rub?”

“Nope! I want something else.” She said as she brought her face against mine.

Bad touch counter: Confirmed.

Oh no…

She locked lips with me. I throwed my arms in the air showing everypony that I am doing nothing and giving pinkie pie total control.

This guy seems to have a thing for ponies taking advantage of him.

As an aside, real horses have prehensile lips, to aid them in manipulating small objects. Additionally, on a cultural perspective, one pony kissing another would probably look past the odd taste of whatever was last being held in their partner’s lips-

You know, Serketry, I would have been perfectly happy living the rest of my life without considering that.

– which is why Loser should be crapping his pants in terror and suppressing his gag reflexes. He’s surprised now, that’s for sure.

She brought her for hooves around my head and deepened the kiss. She forced my lips open and started explore the inside of my mouth to get a good taste.

I just let her kiss me for a couple of while the other ponies just watch us.

And the rest of Ponyville just likes to watch.

Charming.

She has the anatomical advantage here. Is this assault?

On the Stu? Probably. On the readers? Definitely.

She broke the kiss leaving us breathless with a web of saliva between us.

Oh, how romantic.

Someone’s mouth was dry. Yech.

“Are you ready for more fun?” she asked teasingly.

Just before she went back for another kiss, her body got completely covered in a smooth pink aura and started to levitate in the air in front of me. She slowly moved towards Twilight who had an annoyed look on her face.

“Pinkie! Please stop embarrassing our special guest.” Twi calmly said

I dread the passage when the voice of reason falters. Doubly so when it’s because she has someone else’s tongue down her throat, or something like that.

“But we had a deal” Pinkie wined

An early 2014! Very fine year.

Twi tilted her head and look at me if that was true.

“We had a deal.”I approved. “But your reward was a tummy rub not a sloppy kiss.” I précised.

“Aaaawww! But you taste soooo good.

See the above evidence that even she would know this is not true.

Just a bit more, please.” Pinkie begged while doing puppy dog eyes.

Generally, sex and puppies should not be placed in the same conceptual sphere.

Unless you’re stating that the former tends to follow the latter, when talking about dogs.

Well, yes, obviously.

Ponies, sex, and puppies should never intersect, then.

Sadly, there’s another ‘fic that features exactly that.

I shrugged at her cuteness. I always had a hard time saying no to a woman.

Looks like you have a hard time with women saying no to you as well.

But this was somehow awkward for me; we just met.

Didn’t stop you from giving Lyra a quick handy.

And the fact that she is a pony doesn’t enter into it in the slightest.

As I’ve said before, the idea of sexual relationships with or between ponies doesn’t really bother me any more than ‘regular’ sexuality does- they’re sapient beings with distinct personalities, after all, and it’s not even like they look at all similar to Earth horses. But especially in ‘fics like this one where one of the participants is a human from a world where xenophilia is a topic mostly limited to speculative-fiction authors, I think some measure of discussion and working-through is in order for the fact that a character is suddenly attracted to multicolored, furry, quadrupedal entities.

“Pinkie! No! Leave him be.” Twi ordered

“Aaaawww! But Twi he-!”

“Pinkie, I said no.”

Restraint! It does exist! Too bad it showed up so damn late.

“Ok” Twi slowly puts Pinkie down. Pinkie looked at me with disappointment which broke my heart. This is supposed to be a happy party but she only had a frown on her cute little face. I kneel down to and opened my arms wide.

“How about a hug instead?” I offered.

Bad touch counter: Preemptively 13.

She looked at me with surprise. Her frown rapidly turned into a very large smile as she jumped in my arms. Her forelegs where around my chest and hind legs around my waist.

Bad touch counter:

“She’s stronger than I thought.”

‘Strength of an earth pony’

I remarked as she tighten the hug. I hugged her back. I got up, pinkie still attached to me, and walked to a table where I saw some punch. I was getting thirsty.

As I arrived near the table I felt a sudden tug on my pants.

I looked down and saw a plum colored pony pulling my pants to get my attention.

“C…Can I also have a hug?”She asked shyly.

“Can I have a hug to?” said another pony.

“Me too!” said three more simultaneously.

Bad touch counter: Preemptively 14.

Alost all the ponies in the party wanted a hug from me. I looked Pinkie, who was cuddling my shirt, to get off me for just a few minutes. I didn’t know what to do. So I did what all good men would have done in this situation.

Abscond the fuck out of there?

Can’t abscond, bro.

I grabbed a cup of punch and swallowed it in one gulp. I did the same thing with two other cups. When I was finish with my drink, I just stared at the bowl of punch just waiting for the alcohol to do its effect. I was sober enough to know what I was doing, but I was drunk enough to not care what would happen after.

I lifted my hand and pointed at the DJ, who stop the music when Lyra had her ‘horngasm’.

“Drop the bass at my signal.” I ordered.

Vinyl, are you sure you want to help thi-

Never mind then, carry on. Drug-fueled raves are your wheelhouse, I guess.

I took of my shirt and turned around while throwing my shirt at a nearby chair. I opened my arms wide and braced myself for impact.

Great, now he’s Magic Mike.

As referenced above, the show is no stranger to chaotic, narcotic-infused parties, but even then there was an element of… maturity… that is sorely lacking here.

“Now who’s up for a hug?” I asked teasingly as I pointed the DJ again to give her the signal. I was attacked by a tilde wave of happy ponies

~~~~~~~~~~~~?

Errrrg… we will address shit like this, later.

throwing me onto the grown.

For the rest of the party I wearing a vest made by living ponies that cuddled my skin with excitement.

That sounds terrifying.

And possibly something we should report to the SCP Foundation.

Bad touch counter: 15

When I finally managed to get out off the bakery with the shirt Rarity gave it was already night time. Back home, my called me the ‘Nightwalker’ because I walked three hours per day, each day, only at night time.

Edgelordy name… check.

I looked in front of me and saw the six first ponies that I met. As I looked at them I realized something. Where am I going to sleep?

“Girls, where am I going to sleep tonight?” I asked

I looked at fluttershy, since I first woke up at her place, but she shakes her head in disapproval; her bed couldn’t withstand more than one living being.

huh?

Three living things! From season 1! You have no excuse!

I looked at the others who one at a time said no and gave me a reason why. I lastly looked Twi.

“You…You can sleep at my place. My bed is big enough to take both of us.” She gladly said with a blush.

Oh come ON!

Also, both Fluttershy and Rarity have couches that you could crash on, Applejack has the barn…

Or, you know, a floor.

Also, wouldn’t a town the size of Ponyville have some sort of inn or hotel?

Not yet, at least.

I smiled back at her.

I looked up at the skies and couldn’t believe what I saw. Perfectly clear black sky, thousands of shining stars and a gigantic moon floating above my head. For somebody who lives in the deeps. Of a metropolis, this sky was gorgeous; it hypnotized me so much that I couldn’t hear the voices around me.

“Luna, there you are!” exclaimed Twi.

“Yes! We’ve been sent here to inspect a new intelligent life form.”

“Well then you’d best keep looking. We don’t have any of those here.”

“Of course! He’s right here.” Twi pointed at me with her hoof.

Luna approtch me. “Greeting, pleased to meet you.” She said

“I…I have to walk.” I whispered

“What?” Luna took a better look at me and saw that I was staring directly at the night sky. She poked me which broth me back the real world.

“Sorry! I kind of got hypnotized by the beauty of the night sky.” I apologized. “Twi I am going for a walk. I will be back in about two to three hours.” I said to Twi.

“Can…Can we join you?” ask a dark blue alicorn in front of me.

So he knows what an alicorn is, but had to be told that pegasus ponies could fly.

Oh no. Oh NOOO. Not her! Don’t do this to Luna!

“We?”

“Oh…Hum…can I join you?”

“Of course! What is your name?”

“Luna”

Me and Lune walked onto the deeps of the night. Together.

*Unintelligible strangled sounds*

Thank you so much for all your support! It really helps me staying motivated to continue this story.

Come back next time to see Loser Martin ruin Twilight Sparke.

Goodie.

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45 Comments on “1733: Fall to Equestria – Chapters Five and Six”

  1. BatJamags says:

    “What…What happen?” she ask panicking.

    Damn, how can somebody be set up them the bomb twice in the same fic?

  2. BatJamags says:

    ”I said with logic

    Twilight looked at me with amaze.

    “We must now attend the big lasagna party,” Garfield said with manliness.

  3. BatJamags says:

    J = Favg(t2-t1). If (t2-t1) → 0

    AH! Numbers!

    *Jumps back and hisses*

  4. BatJamags says:

    ‘WELCOME’ witch

    Alright, who loaned out the Welcome Witch? I put her in the lobby for a reason, dammit.

  5. BatJamags says:

    She blushed.

    I’m not out of superweapons yet. What was that thing Sakai suggested?

  6. BatJamags says:

    After just a couple of strokes, she lets go a scream at the same time that her horn shot a sticky goo on my face forcing me to close one of my eyes. She fell on the ground twitching.

    So… horn = penis.

    The FUCK?!

  7. BatJamags says:

    précised.

    I’ll trust the author that this is an actual French word, but it sure as hell isn’t an English word.

  8. Sexy!

    Give it arms and legs, and some Atlantic coast villager will want to fuck it.

    Now you’re just being intolerant.

    I am so triggered right now.

    • GhostCat says:

      Except largemouth bass like that aren’t found in salt water, just fresh. Rednecks do love to have them cast in fiberglass and mount them on their walls, though. My dad has three; one has a chunk taken out of the tail where our cat LeeRoy got a hold of it before Dad could take it to the taxidermy place.

  9. SC says:

    “Drop the bass at my signal.” I ordered.

    *SC straps on a helmet in preparation for an imminent onslaught of wubs*

  10. Delta XIII says:

    -WARNING-

    After faffing around for close to five thousand words, this chapter of the so-called “Sex” ‘fic does indeed contain a money shot. Featuring technicolor horses. You have been warned.

    So, can I get away with pretending that this paragraph is just a hallucination brought on by lack of sleep?

  11. Delta XIII says:

    Ponies, sex, and puppies should never intersect, then.

    Sadly, there’s another ‘fic that features exactly that.

    I imagine there are several.

    • AdmiralSakai says:

      I was speaking in particular about “Living the Dream”, which includes a minor human character being sent to Equestria and granted one wish by God, and using that wish to become a dog so that he has a better chance of ending up in a relationship with Twilight Sparkle. No, it does not make any more sense in context. Mostly because there is no context.

      Eventually he ends up having a litter of puppies with Winona.

  12. KittyNoodles says:

    It’s really disturbing that he’s making them act like affectionate little kids right up until they’re demanding/forcing sexual favors from him.

  13. SuperFeatherYoshi says:

    *Checks FiMfiction*

    This story has 146 upvotes and less than 50 downvotes.

    And to think I once thought the readers there were better than the ones from fanfiction net.

    • SC says:

      To the best of my knowledge, the only reader base that can be depended on right now is those from Archive Of Our Own. It might be because AO3 is still in beta and therefore is more populated by readers who want to read good stories and writers who want to write good stories, so shit like this would probably get ignored or booed.

      • BatJamags says:

        Eh, I’ve seen some real pieces of shit on AO3, some of them better received than others. Admittedly, it’s slightly biased toward badfics which are technically competent but have more underlying issues as opposed to the messes you tend to see on ff.net, but it’s definitely not completely free of shitfics.

    • AdmiralSakai says:

      In my experience, Fimfiction is substantially worse than ff.net.

  14. agigabyte says:

    Oh God, the ‘fic is channeling Garfield Effect: Galaxy Adventure!

    *Hiss*


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