1731: The Girl – Chapter SixPosted: April 10, 2017
Title: The Girl
Topic: The Outsiders
URL: Chapter Six
Critiqued by Angie
Sponsored by the fact that someone could get offended by Soc and Greaser™.
As I am sitting on my couch reviewing two fics at once, working on Brego’s Mistress part four, I am constantly reminded that eventually I can take a break from reviewing the terrible Lord of the Rings fic and go towards the slightly less terrible Girl.
THAT SURE AIN’T SAYING MUCH THOUGH HUH.
Anyway, this chapter is “luckily” twice as long as the former, which…at least it gives me more to say. So without further ado, let’s see from whose perspective this chapter is told.
Chapter 6: Riley
Can I go back to Brego’s Mistress?
Nah, I’m just kidding. Let’s dive in.
Is it normal to be nervous around someone you like once you kinda admit you like them?
That doesn’t make sense.
That doesn’t make sense…
Ha! See? I told you!
but the next morning when I woke up, Ponyboy was in the kitchen and I freaked at the thought of him seeing me without makeup or looking at least a little decent.
I mean, he’s seen you with mascara flowing down your face more than once. I don’t think you can get much uglier regardless.
I didn’t freak before…although I’ve had a crush on him since I first laid eyes on him, I guess it’s different now that he kissed me.
Ah, another story of love at first sight. The only thing missing is concerning self evaluating.
I mean…he kissed me…it should mean he likes me right? Or was it out of sympathy? I was crying, he was trying to comfort me; maybe he really didn’t like me. All these thoughts kept running through my head and I wasn’t sure what to do
You know, for all my criticisms of The Girl, I’ll give it this. It’s really good at painting by numbers.
That’s going up on the fridge!
I laid back with a sigh, as I grabbed my pack of cigarettes and lit one, hoping to clear my head before having to speak to Ponyboy. As I took a nice long drag from my cigarette, someone walked in the door, screaming.
Wait, okay. Slow down a second. You saw Ponyboy and instinctively laid back and started smoking, and he didn’t even notice you. My bullshit detector is going wild!
“Wake up sleepy heads!” Yelled a boy as he trotted inside, stopping when he saw me. I shot up, pulling the blanket around myself, though I was dressed, so I guess it was just a reaction.
Surely your boobs can shine through your shirt. Unless you’re a trans girl, which…good on you, mate! I don’t want nothing to do.
His dark brown hair was style with grease into a slight curl, he was wearing dirty blue jeans, and a gray t-shirt. I sat there, rather stunned by him, unsure who he was or what he was doing here.
Ponyboy walked out of the kitchen and smiled. “Hey Two-bit.”
Wait, oh. Two-Bit, the charact…got it.
He nodded, not taking his eyes off me. “Hey Ponyboy…you know there’s a chick on your couch?”
That sounds like a sitcom. Chick on Your Couch. I’m fairly certain that was the working title for New Girl. And New Girl was probably the working title of Rent. And—I’m boring myself.
“That’s Riley…she’s my friend.” Ponyboy turned and walked back into the kitchen and my heart sank, friend…well at least I know where I stand.
Oh, fuck off, Riley McNugget. There’s a reason why he hesitated. Stop taking everything so close to home. You’re just going to make this fic worse.
Two-bit nodded at me. “Hey, I’m Two-bit.”
I nodded back. “Riley…” I took a drag of my cigarette and sat up.
Riley? I haven’t heard that name in years.
Sodapop came in, only wearing a pair of blue jeans. “Hey Two-bit, where’s Steve?”
Because…we’ve just made Two-Bit the honorary Steve watcher.
Is it just me or is there a clear reason why we’re getting so many canon characters in this chapter? Maybe the preps were flaming her.
Two-bit shrugged as he headed into the kitchen. “I just woke up a bit ago, how the hell would I know?”
Because you’re the honorary Steve watcher, dumb butt.
I got up and followed Sodapop into the kitchen. Ponyboy was putting out breakfast, chocolate cake, scrambled eggs, and bacon. God, how could they eat like that? I sat on the counter and took a piece of bacon and started munching on it.
My question is why there’s already eggs and chocolate cake ready. Assuming these really are the Curtis boys, I wouldn’t put it against them to fork it all down at once. Hell, I’m surprised they’re sharing.
Ponyboy glanaced at me, “Shouldn’t you eat more then that?”
Then is used when referring to a time, or to finish a passive aggressive statement. Than is used when comparing one thing to another.
“I can do it then rather than now.”
I shrugged. “Shouldn’t you eat better then that?” I glanced at the cake and gave him a quick smile.
Cake doesn’t have a lot of nutritional value. Unless we’re talking about Cake by the Ocean (still a good song, but it’s the clumsiest sex metaphor I’ve ever heard) by DNCE.
Mmm, tastes like sand.
“Hey! I made that cake!” Sodapop said as he came in, buttoning up a flannel shirt.
I smiled at him. “I’m sure it’s great, but it’s not breakfast.”
Now, Riley. Even though chocolate cake shouldn’t be breakfast, there’s no need to be ru—what the fuck am I doing?
Ponyboy put some on his finger and wiped it on my nose. “Try it…it’s good.”
I mean, it’s a charming gesture I guess, but if someone came up to you with a dirty ass finger to stick in your mouth, in my case I’d slowly back out of the room.
I wiped my nose as Ponyboy went back to finishing his eggs and I just stared at him. Ok, that was slightly flirting…so maybe he did like me?
So…at the time I was reading this, being Oscar Sunday, I had earlier that day watched The Lego Batman Movie. Short review: It was awesome. And part of why that is is because if they said something over the top, there was a reason for it. Just as it was with The Lego Movie. This fic however…heh…let’s just say it’s got too much bark for its bite.
But he told Two-bit I was just his friend, so I’m only his friend? Jesus, does everyone act like this when it comes to a crush?
Nah, just you. Fortunately. I don’t know what the world would be like if we all acted like Riley. Probably terrifying.
I could hold it together before, but now that he had kissed me, I was falling apart.
Good Christ. Outsiders wasn’t made to be a crappy chick flick. That’s like describing Confessions of a Shopaholic as a horror.
I do love Isla Fisher, but to be fair, she’s made more bad movies than good.
God, why did he have to be so confusing? Wasn’t he feeling just as confused as me? He seemed to have it all together and I hated him for that, I always had it together and he was tearing my apart!
He was tearing your what apart?
You know what, don’t answer that. I don’t want to know.
“Hey guys…” said another guy as he walked into the kitchen and sat at the table next to Two-bit. His hair was in a bunch of different swirls, he was lean, and seemed a bit rude.
That’s a pretty big assumption to make from a first impression. I didn’t even hate Trump that much when I learned he was running for president.
I mean, not that I wanted him to win. But I thought it was a joke.
He looked at me, then looked at Two-bit. “Who’s the chick?”
“The chick as you so rudely called her…” I said, leaning forward slightly so he would realize it was me.
So…if you feel this strongly about being called a chick, how come you didn’t react like that to Two-Bit? Or Sodapop? Or…me?
He turned his head back to me as I spoke. “Is named Riley and doesn’t like being called a chick…”
She’s a strong independent non binary specimen who don’t need no man.
He raised an eyebrow at me. “Cocky aren’t we?” He turned back to Two-bit. “She with you?”
Two-bit shook his head. “Nope, all Ponyboy’s…”
Now I’m just gonna wait for someone to make a comment about him calling Riley Ponyboy’s.
I waited for someone to make a comment about him calling me Ponyboy’s, but no one did.
Well, that was fast. God damn if this fic ain’t gonna end before I tie a rope around my neck.
So does that mean I am? Or did Ponyboy just not want to fight with them? There again, he seemed a bit too busy with breakfast to even hear what they had said. I just shrugged it off…not like it mattered anyway.
*record screech* So…this guy you just met referred to you as an object a owned by a character you met a few weeks ago and are somehow in a relationship with, and since no one stood up for you, you shrug it off like it’s nothing? I can’t tell if this fic is anti feminism or anti patriarchy.
Darry walked in fully dressed and looked straight at me. “Ever hear of a chair Riley?”
I smiled. “Not I ain’t never had one of them fancy things…I’m afraid I don’t even know how to work one.”
I just…don’t know what to say to you anymore.
Darry laughed as he took some chocolate cake and looked at Steve. “You taking Soda to work?”
*cough cough* Soda has a car. *cough cough*
“If he hurries up…” Steve said eyeing Sodapop.
“Ok…ok…” Soda said getting up and getting his coat.
If anything, Steve telling Soda to pick up the pace would end up in Soda purposely moving like a tortoise high on anesthesia.
Darry turned to me. “You stopping at home today?”
“I’ll wait for you to get home…I’d rather not go alone…” I said, looking at my feet and hoping no one would ask why.
Well, three of the five people here know why. It’s not exactly groundbreaking.
“I’ll go with ya…” Ponyboy said, finally sitting down and eating.
I tried to smile. “Thanks Ponyboy…”
Did school just exist for the first chapter and was never brought up again? Shouldn’t Pony and Riley be like ‘hey, we haven’t gone to school for weeks, maybe we should get on that’?
“Well you two behave yourselves and don’t do anything I wouldn’t…”
“Guess that leaves their options open…” Steve commented as he walked out the door. Darry gave him a dirty look.
While that is something Steve would say, what he’s implying is not at all something Darry would do.
Soda, maybe. But not Darry.
“I’ll baby-sit them.” Two-bit said with a smile. “I watch Ponyboy all the time don’t I?”
I smiled, sensing that Two-bit was a smart ass and wouldn’t mind if it was returned. “Yeah, but girls don’t pee standing up Two-bit…you sure you can handle that?”
Yes! *slams fists on desk* Wait, whaddafuk?
Darry laughed. “You’re gonna have your hands full today…See ya later guys.” With that, Darry, Steve, and Sodapop walked out and I sat there watching Two-bit and Ponyboy eating cake and eggs…god that’s disgusting!
And so we end another chapter of The Girl. Holds up about as well as the previous chapter, which…ain’t a compliment, but it ain’t exactly an insult either.
But whatever. This has been Angie, and I’ll see you soon.