1730: Three Generations – Chapter One

Title: “Three Generations”
Author: YinYangProphecy
Media: Literature
Fandom: Enchanted Forest Chronicles
Genre: Family and hurt/comfort
URL: Chapter One
Critiqued by eatpraylove

I briefly considered doing this as a PPC mission, but didn’t for three reasons: The chapters don’t have much meat on them, I have enough fics lined up already, and I couldn’t think of a reason for my agents to feel the same protective attachment to the Enchanted Forest series that I do. Also, hi, I’m eatpraylove on the PPC Board. I’ve poked around the halls of the Library plenty of times but never thought to get a WordPress account.

Moving on, let’s start with the canon basics. The Enchanted Forest Chronicles is a fantasy kid’s book series by Patricia Wrede, focusing on Princess Cimorene of Linderwall. Linderwall is your standard Disney-style safe, prosperous fairy-tale kingdom, and the rest of Cimorene’s family—mom, dad, and six older sisters—are your standard Disney royalty, the sisters in particular.

Cimorene wants none of it, and runs away from home to avoid an arranged marriage with the equally generic Prince Therandil in the first book. Thanks to her lack of a plan and a sarcasm-blind talking frog (I swear this makes sense in context), she ends up living and working with Kazul, a dragon who’s been looking for a new princess. Kazul doesn’t mind that Cimorene isn’t a typical princess (Cimorene can cook Kazul’s favorite desserts, for example), and both of them eventually gets roped into a big mystery involving the King of the Dragons, a stone prince, Morwen the witch, and several wizards.

The whole series turns fairy tales and fairy-tale tropes on their heads—the wizards melt when you throw buckets of water (specifically soapy water and lemon juice) at them, for example, not Morwen. It’s great fun to read and deserves all the love it gets and then some.

So naturally, bunches and bunches of folks on the Internet have written their own stories about it with predictably mixed results. Thanks to Sehkmet over on the PPC Board for bringing this to my attention. The first chapter is literally a “don’t like, don’t read, please review” author’s note, so I’m going to the first one with actual substance to it.

Also, this riff will contain spoilers for the entire series, so if you’re sensitive about that sort of thing, go get the books and read them. If you’re not, or you’ve already read all of them, strap in, ready your weapon of choice, and put on your coolest sunglasses.

*sits in comfy riffing chair*

*sips hot cocoa* Ahhh, perfect.

Chapter 2: In Which We Review The Charecters

It’s never a good sign when the title has a typo in it. And yes, this is the naming scheme for every chapter in the first three books.

Here is my version of the never written fifth book.

Save this for the end of the dramatis personae, please and thank you.

THE CHARACTERS!

Mendanbar- The king of the Enchanted Forest and got stuck in a semi-dimensional vortex.

Cimorene- Mendanbar’s wife, and mother of Daystar.

So far, so canon, though Cimorene is SO MUCH MORE than just a wife and mother and you’d do well to remember that.

Daystar- Prince of the Enchanted Forest and Father of Joano and T.R.

Oh, goody, a next-generation fic. Not sure about those names…

Sharia- Daystar’s wife and a fire witch.

*chokes on cocoa* Gods, I hope this is the only time Shiara’s name is spelled like that. *picks up Sharia the mini-rock snake*

(Riffer’s note: Rock snakes appear in book two, Searching for Dragons. They’re massive grey-black snakes that live in, well, rocky ravines. Given that a magician accidentally turned one into a cockatrice, I have to assume they can paralyze people, too. Mini-rock snakes hide in dark places and are not deadly to humans or large animals.)

Joanoten Roal (Joano)- Future ruler of the Enchanted Forest and 3 years older then his sister. He acts like a girl a lot.

Good grief, the kid’s full name is even worse than his nickname. Is that supposed to be Jonathan?

Twilight Rose (T.R.)- A rebellious girl who wants to be like her grandmother. She also had so much magic in her blood that (unless mad) she can change her appearance. She is a fire witch and her claim to fame is that she can use the sword but her brother can’t. Her best friend is Tollog.

Well then. The Kings of the Enchanted Forest and their descendants/family members are the only ones able to use the magical sword the author mentioned. It’s technically possible that TR here would be able to wield it, since Telemain says the wielder’s bloodline and personality are more important than their gender near the end of Calling on Dragons in reference to the then-unborn Daystar. (What that says about the sword if it won’t react to a young man with possible gender issues, however…) She can’t be essentially a Metamorphmagus, though. That’s not how fire-witches work. I can’t fault her for the name or wanting to be like Cimorene; weird names are common in this canon and Cimorene is great.

Telemain- Husband of Morwren, father of Tollog, and a magician.

(Morwren the mini-rock snake slithers into the room; her scales look like bird feathers)

*mutters to self* Once is an accident, twice is unlucky, three times is deliberate. Once is an accident, twice is unlucky, three times is—

Morwren- Wife of Telemain, and a witch with MANY cats.

Well, that should teach me to hope for things.

Tolerfyl Logan (Tollog)- Best friend of T.R. and a mixture of his parents.

How do I even pronounce that? Toler-fill? Toler-full? It looks like Welsh. (Although, given that Telemain and Morwen are two of the sassiest characters in the books, I can only imagine that their kid would be extra-sassy and I am SO HERE for that character type.)

KAZUL!- If anyone had no idea who this is, then why are you reading these stories?

Well played, author. *sips cocoa*

Plus the god-mother of T.R.

Uh, no. Kazul is no one’s godparent except possibly Daystar’s. She has a family of her own.

Ramnernin- The dragon who accompanied Daystar & Sharia on their trip and eventually became a guy.

Explanation time: In the Enchanted Forest books, young dragons do not have horns. Adult males have two horns on either side of their head; adult females have an additional horn in the center of their forehead. An unnamed juvenile dragon came with Shiara and Daystar for part of their journey in book four, so it’s fine that this author made the dragon a fully-defined character.

Onwards!

Chapter 3: In Which There Is Jealosy

Wow, another typo in as many chapters. Disappointed but not surprised.

Chapter 1

Something appears to have gone wrong with your chapter numbering, ma’am. (Riffer’s note: There are a lot more dashes at the start of a paragraph in the actual fic, but the mobile version limits it to one.)

I raced down the path to my favorite herb picking spot. Tollog was right behind me. We both were trying to invent a spell that could pick herbs for us. We aren’t lazy or anything, we just have better things to do with our time.

Like making me suffer through this?

I smelt the clover and the feverfew. I even kept this plant which the extract from it has the same properties as lemon soap-water.

*Morwren hisses* Yes, I agree completely.

I called it Leiron, the dragon word for melt.

There’s no dragon language. My God. (picks up Leiron the mini-rock snake)

I was broken out of my reverie by Tollog saying, “So what time does your brother’s party start?” I hated my sissy brother more than anything. Tollog instantly looked worried so I asked, “What is it Tollog? Did you see an elf?” Tollog, for some strange reason, was scared of those things.

Wow, seriously?

He was six, I am five, and I am part magician, part dragon, part fire witch, and part adventurer.

WHERE THE HELL DID YOU GET PART DRAGON AND MAGICIAN? And you’re only five?? What the hell are you doing outside with all this?

Tollog said, “Your hair is on fire again.” Oh, great, Mom hated it when I burned through my good tunics. We picked as much as we could and then raced back to the palace.

She’ll be fine. Fire-witches, as the name implies, are immune to their own bursts of fire, which tend to happen when they get angry enough.

Mom flipped when she saw the ruined tunic, but just then Dad came along, “Sharia, give the poor girl a break. It’s not like you didn’t burn tunics when you were younger.” I giggled as Mom and Dad started one of their many “discussions” that were very funny.

Oh my god another paragraph! Also, this is what we in the business call “telling, not showing.”

Grammy Cimmy came in and rolled her eyes,

EXCUSE ME?

and then walked up and said, “Daystar, Sharia, it’s almost time. Go down stairs and make sure Mendanbar didn’t mess up with the decor.” Then she picked up me and went to make sure my brother was properly dressed. I suggested that Grammy dress him in a kilt (which in dragonic tongue means manly man), since he kept stealing my dresses. She said no.

Was that supposed to be funny? Because it really wasn’t. Stop being an ass about your big bro’s hobbies.

-I sighed, he was the heir of the sword, but I think it senses his sissiness and refuses to be held by him. But me, on the other hand, can hold it.

“But I” and “heir to,” smarty-pants. Also, if he’s the heir to the sword, he should be able to wield it anyway. You honestly think anyone with a mother like Shiara will have an unsuitable personality?

But Mom says, “The is only KINGS of the Enchanted Forest, never Queens who can use the sword.”

*points to earlier explanation about the sword’s lack of sexism*

I think it’s about time, and I’m about as cool as they come. My brother was eight and it was like my parents ignore me, but they adore him.

With an attitude like yours, it’s no wonder. But that’s none of my business. *sips cocoa*

But a bonus was that my God-mother, Kazul, was there, so I spent the party with her. I glared at my brother, and secretly wished that he was never born.

Done! Thank you for reading this chapter and please review!

Hahahaha no. *finishes cocoa*

*skulks off to do homework*

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35 Comments on “1730: Three Generations – Chapter One”

  1. AdmiralSakai says:

    Chapter 2: In Which We Review The Charecters

    What happened to Chapter 1?

  2. BatJamags says:

    Twilight Rose (T.R.)- A rebellious girl who wants to be like her grandmother. She also had so much magic in her blood that (unless mad) she can change her appearance. She is a fire witch and her claim to fame is that she can use the sword but her brother can’t. Her best friend is Tollog.

    And there’s the Sue. Didn’t waste much time getting there, did she?

  3. AdmiralSakai says:

    Sharia- Daystar’s wife and a fire witch.

    It’s a bad, bad sign when the ‘fic could really use more attention from Donald Trump.

  4. AdmiralSakai says:

    her claim to fame is that she can use the sword but her brother can’t.

    Isn’t that more her brother‘s claim to fame? Most people can use a sword to some limited capacity.

  5. BatJamags says:

    KAZUL!- If anyone had no idea who this is, then why are you reading these stories?

    Counterpoint: if you expect everyone to know one character, why do you have to establish so many others, rather than just your boring OCs (and trust me – I’ve never heard of these books and I can spot the OCs, so you’re clearly doing something wrong)?

    In fact, the entire concept of having a Dramatis Personae at the beginning is a practical necessity for stage plays (since there’s no narration to identify the characters for you), but is just lazy in literary writing. Introduce your characters, author.

  6. BatJamags says:

    Chapter 3: In Which There Is Jealosy

    Is this an attempt at Ye Olde Englishe?

    Chaptre Threee: Inne Whyche thare ys Jellosie

  7. BatJamags says:

    We both were trying to invent a spell that could pick herbs for us.

    In most canons, inventing a spell is not exactly something you can just do because you want it.

    • GhostCat says:

      I’m not sure how magic works in this canon, because I’m unfamiliar with the source materials and the fic isn’t very good at explaining things, but in most cases magic involves using energy – either drawing it from within the spellcaster or tapping an outside source – so I fail to see how creating a spell (which I assume would involve a lot of time and effort during the trial and error process) is easier than just harvesting the plants themselves.

    • AdmiralSakai says:

      I can actually totally see this working. I create bits of software to automate small tasks every single day.

      However, I was not able to do this when I was five years old.

    • SC says:

      In most canons, inventing a spell is not exactly something you can just do because you want it.

      I notice that my writing seems to take the stance of magic being this perpetually difficult concept to understand, even for the most practiced minds.

      In the canon that Scarlet of Mesyth hails from, “inventing spells” is something that is only sanctioned for the absolute most capable wizards, and if anybody else is caught trying, they’re immediately jailed on the grounds of attempted acts of treason – not because it’s such an evil thing, mind, but because one mispronounced vowel sound could level a fucking town center. And even the pros can do things back-asswards sometimes: one country who earned their renown from studying magic collaborated with three other well-known magic-studying countries and tried to make some sort of continent-hopping portal superhighway system for themselves and their allies to use for expedient diplomatic meetings and suchlike. They ended up fucking up one equation by accident and the portals that were supposed to harmlessly transport Dude A to Location B now run the very high risk of transporting Dude A several hundred feet above Ground B, tossing Dude A across time and space into World C, or even sending bits and pieces of Dude A across Locations A, B, C,D, E, F and G, and this problem has proven so damn difficult for those magic-studying countries to solve that the current solution is to just wall off the portals and hope that no stupid fucker gets curious and goes near them.

      Keep in mind, it’s not like these guys didn’t know what they were doing. It literally was because someone forgot the “S” in PEMDAS.

  8. BatJamags says:

    He was six, I am five, and I am part magician, part dragon, part fire witch, and part adventurer.

    And all Sue.

  9. BatJamags says:

    Sharia

    When I read this, the only thing I can think of is Sharia Law.

  10. AdmiralSakai says:

    I am part magician,

    I am fairly certain that you can’t be genetically part profession.

    They wouldn’t sum to one, how would that even work?

  11. AdmiralSakai says:

    he was the heir of the sword, but I think it senses his sissiness and refuses to be held by him

    What, was the sword forged in the fires of Tumblr and quenched in the waters of the South Carolina seaboard?

  12. GhostCat says:

    I suggested that Grammy dress him in a kilt (which in dragonic tongue means manly man), since he kept stealing my dresses. She said no.

    Oh, I am not going to like you very much, am I?

    -I sighed, he was the heir of the sword, but I think it senses his sissiness and refuses to be held by him. But me, on the other hand, can hold it.

    :headdesk:

    Did she overwhelm the sword’s true nature with her super-butch Sueness? Or should we call her a Stu, since apparently she’s better at being a guy than her brother is.

    This whole set-up – the ‘feminine’ male having his ‘sword’ taken away by a more ‘masculine’ female – is just rife with unsettling implications.

    • AdmiralSakai says:

      I feel like I need to let it dig itself a little deeper into whatever hole it’s shooting for before I bother attempting to properly characterize it, but there’s definitely something profoundly wrong with this setup.

  13. SC says:

    Also, hi, I’m eatpraylove on the PPC Board. I’ve poked around the halls of the Library plenty of times but never thought to get a WordPress account.

    Hi, I’m SpecstacularSC on the PPC board, you might remember me as the guy who pops in whenever the stars align and Satan rouses from his slumber. I used to be much more active there, but that was prior to Herr informing me that this place exists.

  14. SC says:

    Chapter 3: In Which There Is Jealosy

    HATERD!

    BERTAYAL!

  15. SC says:

    “don’t like, don’t read, please review”

    That’s at least one thing this author allows. The author of Saphire doesn’t even want you to review if it’s not ass-kissery.

  16. SC says:

    I sighed, he was the heir of the sword, but I think it senses his sissiness and refuses to be held by him. But me, on the other hand, can hold it.

    It feels like I’m bragging about my own writing whenever I talk about it like this (which, I swear, I’m not trying to), but this would be a laughable concept in the canon Scarlet of Mesyth hails from.

    Like this fic, there exists a sword which has heirs. It’s called Mystera, and it was forged by the very first Scion of Blades (read: basically a demigod of all that is war and military and combat and such), to be wielded by all future Scions of Blades, because Number One thought the title deserved a weapon that properly exemplified its awesomeness. However, he kind of botched the forging a little bit, and wound up binding that sword to his blood, and his emotions, making it so that he could only manifest it in physical form through great exertion, and while it was intended to cleave through entire vanguards with ease, it could only do this if the wielder was sufficiently pissed off.

    Because Mystera was bound to the blood of the Scion, this pretty well drew a line in the sand regarding who was allowed to wield it: Thanks to the Scion being from a certain family, and his blood being theirs, that family COULD, in theory, all summon Mystera if they so chose, but because it takes such a toll to manifest in the physical world, the only person capable of SAFELY summoning it is the Scion of Blades, whoever they currently are, period. And even then, Mystera is only as useful as the Scion is amped up and ready to throw down, which is typically not a good mindset for the ultimate military commander to maintain, so it winds up being more practical for the future Scions to just use regular weapons unless they’re, like, fighting for their lives or something.

    • GhostCat says:

      Now I can’t help but wonder what would happen if one guy from the bloodline tumbled a barmaid and ended up fathering a bastard daughter he didn’t know about, and then twenty years later someone pinches the girl’s bottom one too many times and BAM! Drunk dude gets a sword in his face.

      • SC says:

        Shiiit, I’m gonna have to advance the canon’s plot like another thousand years just so I can do that. XD

        (Because, uh… the current thousand-ish year jump has basically nothing but heroes as Scions of Blades. And the current Scion is too nice a guy for those kinds of hijinks. So, yeah.)

        • GhostCat says:

          It doesn’t have to be the direct Scion, right – just someone in their bloodline. Bloodlines diverge all the time and there’s always some black-sheep cousin that no one ever talks about.

          I’m picturing the established Scion family as very Old World and very Old Money, placing a big emphasis on tradition and manners, so they react to this new barmaid Scion the same way they would react to someone dropping a wild raccoon on the dining table; they feel as if they have been insulted, even though they are far too polite to say anything about it, and watch her with a mixture of fear, morbid fascination, and disgust. The barmaid, on the other hand, is a practical and street-wise girl who has no problem calling them on their shit and constantly questions everything when they try to instruct her on how to be a Scion – especially if their only explanation is “It’s our tradition!”.

      • SC says:

        It doesn’t have to be the direct Scion, right – just someone in their bloodline.

        Er, not really, no. The big thing about the Scion Triumvirate (a.k.a. a three-way rulership of the same kingdom consisting of the Scion of Blades, the Scion of Healing, and the Scion of the Arcane, which is made possible by the fact that they all compliment each other well enough to work out a stable government system) is that they’re all ordained by the gods themselves – that means that the title is not inherent to any one family lineage. It can literally be anybody. Since Mystera is the blade of the Scion of Blades, whoever manifests the Mark of the Scion of Blades is then the new wielder, regardless of the fact that the First Scion was from a certain family bloodline. That family can summon Mystera, as they have that partial connection, but it would effectively end up killing them if they tried, without any of them being the current Scion. By contrast, the current Scion would only be mildly winded from the summoning, lessened by how much adrenaline was flowing at the time, and how angry they were when it happened.

        I’m picturing the established Scion family as very Old World and very Old Money, placing a big emphasis on tradition and manners, so they react to this new barmaid Scion the same way they would react to someone dropping a wild raccoon on the dining table; they feel as if they have been insulted, even though they are far too polite to say anything about it, and watch her with a mixture of fear, morbid fascination, and disgust.

        Actually, not so much. The family line that the Scions of Blades have most frequently hailed from is House Carmine, and they made their name in part for being very heroic individuals in battle, and in part for being radical free-thinkers of their age. For example, in-canon, there is a noticeable stigma against members of House Carmine’s vassal, House Lestrade, because House Lestrade rose to nobility from a deeply stained past life as sellswords, bandits and thieves. House Carmine, specifically the First Scion himself (Armand Carmine, the First Scion of Blades), was not only responsible for raising House Lestrade to their current positions, but also happily accepted them as bodyguards, border scouts, and training officers for the civilian-policing arm of his country’s military forces, something which would be positively unthinkable if any other noble house held the authority that they do.

        And because the current Scion of Blades, who is also the current head of House Carmine (Alistra Carmine, the Fourteenth Scion of Blades), is such a nice guy with such an inquisitive, adventurous nature, I feel like he’d be more charmed by the sudden appearance of your social etiquette-defying barmaid Scion, simply because he would find it incredibly fun to learn more about this wildcard. (It’s here that I should note that it’s entirely possible for multiple people to manifest the same Scion Mark – this, sadly, leads to an inevitable duel to the death between them for the respective throne they’re both in the running for, as only one can claim the throne, and the other must be struck down in order to keep the balance in check. There’s one canonical bit of lore where three members of the same family all manifested the Mark of the Scion of Blades, and they had to fight to the death – the winner was Jann Halennis, the Eighth Scion of Blades. She was the mother of one of the other contenders, and elder sister of the other. Her reign was short on account of her guilt driving her to suicide.)

        You are right about there being black sheep, though – at least one Scion of Blades from House Carmine was, himself, a criminal, though oddly enough he was the one who all but purged corruption from the ranks when he took the throne (Raven Carmine, the Sixth Scion of Blades), and another was so terribly inept at his job that he ordered his name be stricken from the pages of historical documentation out of shame (Marthais Carmine, the Second Scion of Blades).

        (Tl;dr: I put waaay too much effort into this.)

      • SC says:

        Go for it, it actually sounds really cool.

        I think this is the first time something I came up with inspired someone else’s work, as a side note.

  17. SC says:

    I suggested that Grammy dress him in a kilt (which in dragonic tongue means manly man)

  18. mattmanthecomet says:

    Eeple! You did a thing! Also, three guesses to what happens to the brother, first two don’t count.


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