1730: Three Generations – Chapter OnePosted: April 9, 2017
Title: “Three Generations”
Fandom: Enchanted Forest Chronicles
Genre: Family and hurt/comfort
URL: Chapter One
Critiqued by eatpraylove
I briefly considered doing this as a PPC mission, but didn’t for three reasons: The chapters don’t have much meat on them, I have enough fics lined up already, and I couldn’t think of a reason for my agents to feel the same protective attachment to the Enchanted Forest series that I do. Also, hi, I’m eatpraylove on the PPC Board. I’ve poked around the halls of the Library plenty of times but never thought to get a WordPress account.
Moving on, let’s start with the canon basics. The Enchanted Forest Chronicles is a fantasy kid’s book series by Patricia Wrede, focusing on Princess Cimorene of Linderwall. Linderwall is your standard Disney-style safe, prosperous fairy-tale kingdom, and the rest of Cimorene’s family—mom, dad, and six older sisters—are your standard Disney royalty, the sisters in particular.
Cimorene wants none of it, and runs away from home to avoid an arranged marriage with the equally generic Prince Therandil in the first book. Thanks to her lack of a plan and a sarcasm-blind talking frog (I swear this makes sense in context), she ends up living and working with Kazul, a dragon who’s been looking for a new princess. Kazul doesn’t mind that Cimorene isn’t a typical princess (Cimorene can cook Kazul’s favorite desserts, for example), and both of them eventually gets roped into a big mystery involving the King of the Dragons, a stone prince, Morwen the witch, and several wizards.
The whole series turns fairy tales and fairy-tale tropes on their heads—the wizards melt when you throw buckets of water (specifically soapy water and lemon juice) at them, for example, not Morwen. It’s great fun to read and deserves all the love it gets and then some.
So naturally, bunches and bunches of folks on the Internet have written their own stories about it with predictably mixed results. Thanks to Sehkmet over on the PPC Board for bringing this to my attention. The first chapter is literally a “don’t like, don’t read, please review” author’s note, so I’m going to the first one with actual substance to it.
Also, this riff will contain spoilers for the entire series, so if you’re sensitive about that sort of thing, go get the books and read them. If you’re not, or you’ve already read all of them, strap in, ready your weapon of choice, and put on your coolest sunglasses.
*sits in comfy riffing chair*
*sips hot cocoa* Ahhh, perfect.
Chapter 2: In Which We Review The Charecters
It’s never a good sign when the title has a typo in it. And yes, this is the naming scheme for every chapter in the first three books.
Here is my version of the never written fifth book.
Save this for the end of the dramatis personae, please and thank you.
Mendanbar- The king of the Enchanted Forest and got stuck in a semi-dimensional vortex.
Cimorene- Mendanbar’s wife, and mother of Daystar.
So far, so canon, though Cimorene is SO MUCH MORE than just a wife and mother and you’d do well to remember that.
Daystar- Prince of the Enchanted Forest and Father of Joano and T.R.
Oh, goody, a next-generation fic. Not sure about those names…
Sharia- Daystar’s wife and a fire witch.
*chokes on cocoa* Gods, I hope this is the only time Shiara’s name is spelled like that. *picks up Sharia the mini-rock snake*
(Riffer’s note: Rock snakes appear in book two, Searching for Dragons. They’re massive grey-black snakes that live in, well, rocky ravines. Given that a magician accidentally turned one into a cockatrice, I have to assume they can paralyze people, too. Mini-rock snakes hide in dark places and are not deadly to humans or large animals.)
Joanoten Roal (Joano)- Future ruler of the Enchanted Forest and 3 years older then his sister. He acts like a girl a lot.
Good grief, the kid’s full name is even worse than his nickname. Is that supposed to be Jonathan?
Twilight Rose (T.R.)- A rebellious girl who wants to be like her grandmother. She also had so much magic in her blood that (unless mad) she can change her appearance. She is a fire witch and her claim to fame is that she can use the sword but her brother can’t. Her best friend is Tollog.
Well then. The Kings of the Enchanted Forest and their descendants/family members are the only ones able to use the magical sword the author mentioned. It’s technically possible that TR here would be able to wield it, since Telemain says the wielder’s bloodline and personality are more important than their gender near the end of Calling on Dragons in reference to the then-unborn Daystar. (What that says about the sword if it won’t react to a young man with possible gender issues, however…) She can’t be essentially a Metamorphmagus, though. That’s not how fire-witches work. I can’t fault her for the name or wanting to be like Cimorene; weird names are common in this canon and Cimorene is great.
Telemain- Husband of Morwren, father of Tollog, and a magician.
(Morwren the mini-rock snake slithers into the room; her scales look like bird feathers)
*mutters to self* Once is an accident, twice is unlucky, three times is deliberate. Once is an accident, twice is unlucky, three times is—
Morwren- Wife of Telemain, and a witch with MANY cats.
Well, that should teach me to hope for things.
Tolerfyl Logan (Tollog)- Best friend of T.R. and a mixture of his parents.
How do I even pronounce that? Toler-fill? Toler-full? It looks like Welsh. (Although, given that Telemain and Morwen are two of the sassiest characters in the books, I can only imagine that their kid would be extra-sassy and I am SO HERE for that character type.)
KAZUL!- If anyone had no idea who this is, then why are you reading these stories?
Well played, author. *sips cocoa*
Plus the god-mother of T.R.
Uh, no. Kazul is no one’s godparent except possibly Daystar’s. She has a family of her own.
Ramnernin- The dragon who accompanied Daystar & Sharia on their trip and eventually became a guy.
Explanation time: In the Enchanted Forest books, young dragons do not have horns. Adult males have two horns on either side of their head; adult females have an additional horn in the center of their forehead. An unnamed juvenile dragon came with Shiara and Daystar for part of their journey in book four, so it’s fine that this author made the dragon a fully-defined character.
Chapter 3: In Which There Is Jealosy
Wow, another typo in as many chapters. Disappointed but not surprised.
Something appears to have gone wrong with your chapter numbering, ma’am. (Riffer’s note: There are a lot more dashes at the start of a paragraph in the actual fic, but the mobile version limits it to one.)
–I raced down the path to my favorite herb picking spot. Tollog was right behind me. We both were trying to invent a spell that could pick herbs for us. We aren’t lazy or anything, we just have better things to do with our time.
Like making me suffer through this?
I smelt the clover and the feverfew. I even kept this plant which the extract from it has the same properties as lemon soap-water.
*Morwren hisses* Yes, I agree completely.
I called it Leiron, the dragon word for melt.
There’s no dragon language. My God. (picks up Leiron the mini-rock snake)
I was broken out of my reverie by Tollog saying, “So what time does your brother’s party start?” I hated my sissy brother more than anything. Tollog instantly looked worried so I asked, “What is it Tollog? Did you see an elf?” Tollog, for some strange reason, was scared of those things.
He was six, I am five, and I am part magician, part dragon, part fire witch, and part adventurer.
WHERE THE HELL DID YOU GET PART DRAGON AND MAGICIAN? And you’re only five?? What the hell are you doing outside with all this?
Tollog said, “Your hair is on fire again.” Oh, great, Mom hated it when I burned through my good tunics. We picked as much as we could and then raced back to the palace.
She’ll be fine. Fire-witches, as the name implies, are immune to their own bursts of fire, which tend to happen when they get angry enough.
–Mom flipped when she saw the ruined tunic, but just then Dad came along, “Sharia, give the poor girl a break. It’s not like you didn’t burn tunics when you were younger.” I giggled as Mom and Dad started one of their many “discussions” that were very funny.
Oh my god another paragraph! Also, this is what we in the business call “telling, not showing.”
Grammy Cimmy came in and rolled her eyes,
and then walked up and said, “Daystar, Sharia, it’s almost time. Go down stairs and make sure Mendanbar didn’t mess up with the decor.” Then she picked up me and went to make sure my brother was properly dressed. I suggested that Grammy dress him in a kilt (which in dragonic tongue means manly man), since he kept stealing my dresses. She said no.
Was that supposed to be funny? Because it really wasn’t. Stop being an ass about your big bro’s hobbies.
-I sighed, he was the heir of the sword, but I think it senses his sissiness and refuses to be held by him. But me, on the other hand, can hold it.
“But I” and “heir to,” smarty-pants. Also, if he’s the heir to the sword, he should be able to wield it anyway. You honestly think anyone with a mother like Shiara will have an unsuitable personality?
But Mom says, “The is only KINGS of the Enchanted Forest, never Queens who can use the sword.”
*points to earlier explanation about the sword’s lack of sexism*
I think it’s about time, and I’m about as cool as they come. My brother was eight and it was like my parents ignore me, but they adore him.
With an attitude like yours, it’s no wonder. But that’s none of my business. *sips cocoa*
But a bonus was that my God-mother, Kazul, was there, so I spent the party with her. I glared at my brother, and secretly wished that he was never born.
Done! Thank you for reading this chapter and please review!
Hahahaha no. *finishes cocoa*
*skulks off to do homework*