1728: Subnautica The Novel (Chapter Bundle 4 is out!) – Chapter 3

Title: Subnautica The Novel (Chapter Bundle 4 is out!)
Author: CrashBurnGlobal
Media: Video Game
Topic: Subnautica
Genre: Adventure/Mystery
URL Chapter 1
Critiqued by Ghostcat

 

 

 

Howdy-do, Patrons!

Welcome back to another chapter of meandering fic featuring the “exciting” adventures of Crazy Casey and Dumbass. In the last chapter-cluster they imploded the Seamoth, found an exosuit, squabbled a bit, and managed to find a frickin’ island after weeks of being on the planet.

And now, on to the fic!

Chapter 10: The Floating Island

Which is once again picking up exactly where the last chapter left off.

“What…is…THAT!” I yelled in fear.

:shrugs:

Dunno. What are you looking at? Because all I see is the Void – and it keeps staring back into me, which gets very annoying.

An Enormous pink… thing was just attached to the bottom of the island.

Just one? There should be several.

They are kind of hard to miss.

“Let me go outside and scan it.” Casey said. I have faith in her, to go outside at night, and poke a new creature.

Because it means you don’t have to do it, right? But why is she going out into a presumably hostile environment with no protection when she can just send her comic relief out in the P.R.A.W.N?

She can be put in a fight with a sand shark, with just a stalker tooth, and win.

Is that something she’s actually done? Why would she do that? I know the Sue Force is strong in Crazy Casey, but that just sounds stupid. And again – you HAVE an exosuit. You don’t have to fight off a sand shark with a stalker tooth unless that’s something you really want to do.

When she came back up, she had a look of relief. “It’s not harmful at all. It’s called a floater. Floaters aren’t usually this big, it’s an outstanding specimen.”

Kind of odd that she can use the scanner to gather all of this information regarding an alien species when this is literally the first specimen they’ve seen so they don’t know if it would usually be much smaller.

She waved for me to follow. “If this is an island, let’s go explore!” We both went out of the hatch, she pointed toward the hatch, and i knew exactly what that meant.

…Really? Because I have no idea what she’s doing. Is she telling Dumbass to go back inside and wait?

“P.R.A.W.N TIME!” I shouted running upstairs to the hatch that dropped me in the suit.

Dumbass was outside of the hatch – in the water – and then shouted before running back inside to get the exosuit? I don’t think that would work.

I turned it on, and the cyclops dropped it into the ocean. I used the jets on the suit to float above the water line,

For about fifteen seconds, because those jets are the worst.

and onto the small part of the island that was accessible.

There is only a small sliver of beach, but Dumbass has an exosuit designed for exploration and mining operations in dangerous areas – the entire island is accessible, it just all depends on how much effort they want to put into accessing it.

Casey waved her hand, wanting me to exit the suit. I did so and greeted her on the ground.

Too bad you don’t have some way of communicating with each other over a distance, perhaps by using modulated radio waves.

“We will need this as a strong light source.

Or you could just wait for daylight, negating the need for supplementary light sources. And I had completely forgotten this was happening at night, since it hasn’t been mentioned since the last chapter.

Also GOD knows whats on this island, so we can just be careful bringing this along.”

But you only have one exosuit, so only one of you is going to be completely protected. Crazy Casey has the ability to construct a two-person Seamoth from scratch, but it apparently never occurred to her to either go look for another P.R.A.W.N. or use the one they have as a blueprint to make another so she could have her own. I guess badass Sues who fight vicious predators with their bare hands don’t need exosuits.

She turned around and said, “What are you waiting for?”

For the Cave Crawlers to attack you? I’m kind of surprised they haven’t already, those assholes are all over the island.

They like to jump directly at your face.

I climbed back into the suit and led the way. “Hey logan you there?” she said through the suits A.I. I “Bet you didn’t expect this, i built a radio inside the suit so you could talk to me.”

Then why the hell didn’t you use it ten seconds ago?!?

I looked outside, through the suits large window, and she waved. I gave a small wave back. She pointed to the right. I led the way right.

:headdesk:

Has a functioning radio, but still uses hand signals to communicate. Frickin’ hell.

I poked my head through the hatch and said “You might want to sit on top of the suit, just so you don’t fall off on this steep part.” She did so, climbing up the drill arm, since it was the one closest to her reach. In seconds she was sitting on the hatch. She banged on the hatch for me to go.

It’s sad that Dumbass was the one to come up with that glaringly obvious suggestion considering Crazy Casey is the one being portrayed as some sort of super-genius.

I started moving the suit slowly through the steep part of the path. When we got to level ground she hopped off and motioned for me to hop out.

What was the point of bringing to exosuit along if you were just going to hop out of it every five seconds?

I did so and walked beside her. “The overgrowth is too thick for the suit to get through. It would be smart to go on foot from here.”

Who said that? Was it Dumbass, who is the only one with any practical experience using an exosuit, or Crazy Casey? How would either of them know the undergrowth is too dense, since they aren’t anywhere near it? And it it’s a mecha with a frickin’ drill arm attachment! UNDERGROWTH IS NEITHER MECHA-RESISTANT NOR DRILL-RESISTANT! 

We walked along a path for a short while until I bumped into a glowing plant.

:headdesk:

It’s night-time and they have no light source because they abandoned their exosuit, and he literally walks into a glowing plant that should have been clearly visible from some distance away.

“Hey casey, do you think this is edible?” I said, hoping she would say yes.

Why does he hope the glowing plant is edible? And shouldn’t they be scanning everything to see what is edible and what is toxic? You can’t just pick out the prettiest plants and hope they won’t kill you – those are usually the most toxic ones. Bright colors are often Nature’s way of saying “I will fuck your shit up, dude.”

Come to think of it, why don’t they have two scanners? That way they could both scan items and speed things up. It’s not as if the tool requires specialty training or something – it’s basically just point-and-shoot, then read the information.

She scanned it, and then said “Yeah, we should take some back to home base and start a garden.”

That’s a great idea! Do you have any clue how to do that? Do you even have the means of accomplishing that, like maybe a growbed or some other type of container you could place inside your base or are you just going to make a pile of dirt in the middle of the floor and hope for the best? (I know it worked for Matt Damon, but Dumbass isn’t Matt Damon.) And what’s wrong with gathering food here, in the wild, where it’s already growing on established plants? Because I can tell you from experience that it is not easy to grow your own food, be it animals or plants; while in the game you can chuck plant samples into a growbed and minutes later get food, actually growing something edible is a very long process. “Fast growing” plants, which are typically leafy or small like lettuce or radishes, can be ready in a few weeks to a month, but larger plants with longer seasons, like squash or melons, can take three months or more. Generally speaking, the more nutritionally dense a food item is the more resources it will consume (those calories come from somewhere) and the longer it will take to grow.

Here is a small (approx. six inches tall) hydroponic catnip plant I sprouted from seed back in early January that I am growing in a five gallon aquarium. (And a few experimental apple seedlings that are about a month old.) It has taken it that long to reach this size. I did not grow it specifically for this fic, but because I have cats who enjoy fine hydro-‘nip. (Which is also the reason it’s in a sealed aquarium and will soon be moved to a Space Bucket.)

This is another one of those things that make sense as gameplay, few players would want to sit around picking bugs off their tomato plants for two months, but aren’t very realistic.

I took one off and ate it.

Dumbass ate the entire plant? That seems a little excessive, but maybe he was really hungry. Of course, some plants that produce edible fruits and vegetables are actually quite toxic, so this could end badly for Dumbass. Fingers crossed!

It was sweet and juicy. But the aftertaste was sour and bitter.

I think Mysterious Glowing Plant is having identity issues.

There’s a lot – and I mean A LOT – of bioluminescent life (both flora and fauna) on this planet, but only a few of the plants are edible; the most common are the Chinese Potato;

Which is actually in import brought to the planet by the Degasi survivors and kind of reminds me of some species of orchid.

And the Lantern Tree;

Most likely the plant that they encountered was a Lantern Tree, since the Chinese potatoes only grow near the destroyed base found on the island, but I only know that because I’m familiar with what the difference resources look like. Someone who had no idea what these plants look like wouldn’t know what the hell is going on. (And it just makes it even stranger that Dumbass managed to miss a large glowing tree covered with bright orange fruit that was directly in front of them.)

We continued on our trip, but we found something amazing. It was a seabase, on land?

Doesn’t that make it a land base? I know the construction is the same, but it is, after all, on land. (And partially under land, if this is the one I’m thinking of.)

“Hello, is anyone there?” Casey said. Nobody answered.

Big frickin’ surprise there.

She flashed a light at it, and the seabase got caught in a mudslide, the roof was coated in mud, and there was land inside the base, like it broke through a window or building was rusty, and falling apart.To the right of it there was a hallway that was completely collapsed, and lying on the ground.

Crazy Casey’s flashlight caused an instant landslide? No wonder they weren’t using it, I bet it’s one that she “modified” like she did the Seamoth.

This is probably one of the abandoned bases built by the Degasi survivors; it was destroyed at some point by a landslide and is partially buried by the time the player finds it.

:makes threatening gesture with knife towards ruined base:

You can’t really explore inside it very much, but there are growbeds outside that you can raid for supplies, as well as scanning the growbeds themselves so you can build your own, and there’s a PDA and a purple artifact that you can pick up. There’s two more bases, located in prominent positions at the tops of the island peaks, that they could have spotted if they had bothered to wait until daylight.

We saw something glowing purple inside. We walked over to it, and picked it up. It was cold like metal, and it had a alien letter on it, that glowed a bright and vibrant purple.

And that would be the purple artifact;

Dumbass really did a great job of describing it, didn’t they?

They are used to access Precurser buildings and caches, there’s even a broken one outside the big ship-killing gun that you can scan that enables you to make them yourself.

“Whaddya think this can be used for?” I said to Casey.

I assume you’re going to prop it up in the corner and use it as a nightlight.

She just shrugged, and the sunlight greeted us in a beautiful sunrise from the east. We were able to see the shape of everything without a flashlight, that’s when we realized how severe the damage actually was.

:headdesk:

This is why you should have waited until it was daytime, you idiots!

Something blue glowed inside, but blue this time.

:alarms blare:

Dammit. I do not have time for this today.

:marches over to the door and flings it open, starling the DRD agents preparing to knock it down:

Look, guys, I don’t have time to think of some clever way to get rid of you, so how about I give you these vouchers redeemable for two free cookies with any coffee purchase at the coffee kiosk and you can just pummel yourselves for a while?

:general noises of agreement:

Awesome. :shoves handful of vouchers in lead agent’s hands: And can you tell Lina to send over some of those raspberry-cream cheese scones when she has a minute, will you? Thank you ever so much.

:closes door, shutting out the sounds of half-hearted pummeling:

That went better than I thought it would.

“We should go and check that out.” Casey said “Hoist me up into that broken part of the base. I walked over there wither and hoisted her onto my shoulders. She got off, and climbed up into the hallway overhanging the seabase. She came back down with a PDA in her hands.

I am so very glad I already know the layout of this particular base, and what the PDA is and what it looks like, because otherwise I would have no idea where they were or what was happening.

WHen she jumped down, I heard a rip of clothing, and she hit the ground back first.

Uh-oh. Looks like someone’s trying to seal your spot as the planet’s biggest klutz, Dumbass.

Wait a minute. I thought Dumbass was standing directly below Crazy Casey, they just helped her climb into whichever portion of the base she was climbing into. Did Dumbass move out of the way deliberately so that Crazy Casey would fall?

“Logan! I need some help here.” She said in pain. I ran over to help her, and she was holding her leg.

Did she break her leg falling from a great height rather than calling over her companion or using the ladder inside the base to reach the lower level? (That’s right, there’s a ladder inside the base. That makes this entire scenario pointless.)

She had ripped her skin wide open, and it was spewing out blood.

Ewww.

Her hand was coated in it, and her usually tan skin was turning pale.

Wait, Crazy Casey has tan skin? Since when?

“In the cyclops there’s a medical kit fabricator, go there, and bring back a med kit. I can do the rest” She said

What does that mean, that you can perform surgery on yourself to sew the gash shut? Just tear off a strip of clothing, bind up the wound, and go back to the ship! And if you have a medkit fabricator to supply you with medkits, why aren’t you carrying any with you while you explore this potentially dangerous island? How either of you managed to survive this long is a mystery to me.

(Also, I’m pretty sure one of the loot drops inside the base is a medkit.)

“And HURRY” I left without question.

Or Dumbass could go get the exosuit parked a short distance away, pick Crazy Casey up, and carry her back to the Cyclops instead of going back and forth like this.

I ran and I ran, until i got to my P.R.A.W.N suit, and walked carefully around it.

Wait, you’re not taking the exosuit? The hell, dude?

I followed the path until i got to the little outcrop of land leading to the submerged cyclops. I dove right in, and swam as fast as i could. Casey is depending on me.

And yet instead of taking her back to the ship you are going to attempt to treat her serious wound on the ground.

I reached the hatch in no time soon, and opened it and charged for the ladder. “Sir, i sense you are troubled, is there anyway i can assist captain?” The cyclops’ A.I. said to me.

The AI doesn’t interact with the player like that, it does welcome you on board but there’s no reactive response like this and their Cyclops hasn’t shown itself to have this kind of abilities before now.

“Not now, but do you know where a medical kit fabricator is anywhere” I asked.

I refuse to believe that someone as accident-prone as Dumbass doesn’t know where the medkit fabricator is.

“One moment please” He said, and a robotic arm gave me a medical kit.

…Wha? There’s no robotic arms inside the Cyclops, unless you count the ones in the docking bay.

Man this thing is cool.

It was already cool before the author started making up random features for it to have that don’t really add anything to the narration and instead just bog it down.

I ran Back downstairs and jumped down where there was no ladder, i nailed the landing and ran toward the hatch.

…Is this the same Dumbass who fell face-first into a coral reef?

I dove outside, and swam back to the surface. I got on top the small outcrop, almost lost my footing, but i kept running.

Don’t think you can try to pass this off as a clumsy character with one little wobble after all that hardcore parkour shit they were doing.

Four legged crab tings jumped at me a couple of times but they couldn’t hit me.

They were repelled by your sudden aura of awesomeness.

I scooted past my P.R.A.W.N suit again, and ran the rest of the way back.

:facepalm:

Why did they even bring the exosuit along if it was just going to sit there like a lump the entire time?

She had fainted from blood loss by now.

And has probably died from blood loss since she couldn’t maintain pressure on her gushing leg wound if she was unconscious.

There was still blood pouring from her cut.

How does she have any blood left at this point? Even if Dumbass was faster than Usain Bolt, it would still have taken several minutes to reach the Cyclops, find a medkit, and return to the accident site. If the wound was severe enough that it damaged any major blood vessel, or even several smaller ones, then Crazy Casey would have been dead before Dumbass even reached the Cyclops.

I cleaned the wound with a bandage, and i used hydrogen peroxide on the cut so it won’t get infected.

If she’s bleeding that heavily then the blood has probably washed to wound out fairly well; you should be less concerned with infection and more concerned with keeping what’s left of her blood inside her body since you don’t have a way of putting more in. A meticulously cleaned wound is pointless if your patient is a corpse.

I got a new bandage roll, and wrapped it tightly around her leg so it would stop the bleeding.

Well it’s about damn time!

“Please don’t be dead, please don’t be dead.” I would repeat to myself picking her up, and walking her back to the cyclops.

In a real-world scenario she probably would be dead, but since this is a fanfic it is probably the beginning of some kind of weird hurt/comfort “romantic” set-up; which is odd considering this is supposed to be a Mystery/Adventure fic.

Who knows if she is going to make it. I hope she does.

She probably will, but only so you can nurse the badass Sue back to health and win her heart in the process.

Chapter 11: Medical Attention

I guess this is the teaser for the next chapter-lump – although now that I look at it this was only a single chapter, which is a first for this fic. I should make a note to have the ninjas sedate Lyle and anyone else with even a hint of any kind of medical training because it’s probably gonna get bad if Dumbass tries to treat Crazy Casey’s leg wound in the next chapter.

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42 Comments on “1728: Subnautica The Novel (Chapter Bundle 4 is out!) – Chapter 3”

  1. BatJamags says:

    Dunno. What are you looking at? Because all I see is the Void – and it keeps staring back into me, which gets very annoying.

    Nietzsche would be proud.

    I think?

  2. BatJamags says:

    and onto the small part of the island that was accessible.

    Most of the island had yet to comply with ADA regulations.

    • GhostCat says:

      The bases on the island definitely don’t; two are perched on different peaks accessible only by steep paths (no safety rails and no illumination at night) and the third is partially buried in a valley – which probably violates some health codes, too. The Degasi survivors weren’t very good at choosing locations for their bases.

  3. BatJamags says:

    “Hey logan you there?”

    I forgot his name was Logan (capitalized, author – names work like that). He’s the worst there is at what he does, and what he does worst is not very important.

    • GhostCat says:

      I kind of forgot their name wasn’t Dumbass, too – and I’m still not one hundred percent sure Dumbass is male, since there’s been zero description given.

  4. BatJamags says:

    beautiful sunrise from the east.

    Presumably, if you’re on an alien planet, you will determine which direction “east” is by the direction of the sunrise. Which makes this-

    *Alarms blare*

    Yeah. That.

  5. AdmiralSakai says:

    She waved for me to follow. “If this is an island, let’s go explore!” We both went out of the hatch, she pointed toward the hatch, and i knew exactly what that meant.

    …Really? Because I have no idea what she’s doing. Is she telling Dumbass to go back inside and wait?

    “P.R.A.W.N TIME!” I shouted running upstairs to the hatch that dropped me in the suit.

    So, she waited until you were completely out of the sub to tell him to go back into the sub to get on his suit.

    • GhostCat says:

      Both of these characters are very not good at making decisions or doing any sort of advance planning. At this point, their only real skills have been “being incredibly lucky at not dying”.

  6. AdmiralSakai says:

    UNDERGROWTH IS NEITHER MECHA-RESISTANT NOR DRILL-RESISTANT!

    Maybe the suit was designed by James Cameron, and includes a crippling structural weakness to cellulose?

  7. AdmiralSakai says:

    It was sweet and juicy. But the aftertaste was sour and bitter.

    I think Mysterious Glowing Plant is having identity issues.

  8. AdmiralSakai says:

    She flashed a light at it, and the seabase got caught in a mudslide,

    That’s one destructive light!

    • GhostCat says:

      Especially since it isn’t raining so there shouldn’t be any mud forming anywhere on that mountain for the super-flashlight to trigger.

      • SC says:

        It’s so damn powerful that it liquefies the very earth itself, to a consistency good enough for a mudslide.

      • GhostCat says:

        I wonder what kind of batteries that thing would use. All of them?

      • SC says:

        Exolythium crystals straight out of Star Ocean’s canon. If Star Ocean 4 has taught me anything, a crystal small enough to be worn on a necklace can fucking supercharge the warp drive in a military-grade reconnaissance ship.

  9. SC says:

    She scanned it, and then said “Yeah, we should take some back to home base and start a garden.”

    That’s a great idea! Do you have any clue how to do that? Do you even have the means of accomplishing that, like maybe a growbed or some other type of container you could place inside your base or are you just going to make a pile of dirt in the middle of the floor and hope for the best?

    I mean, that’s how Minecraft does it.

    • GhostCat says:

      Can you also harvest seeds by repeatedly stabbing a plant with a large knife? Because that is how it works in Subnautica.

      If there ever is some kind of apocalyptic event that has everyone going off the grid, thanks to gameplay mechanics there’s going to be a lot of young folks with some very odd ideas about how a farm works.

      • SC says:

        I mean, you can punch wheat and make bread out of it by arranging it horizontally on a table, and you can turn reeds growing by a body of water into either sugar fit for consumption or paper, according to Minecraft. If ever I decide to live in the wild, you’ll likely find me attempting to cut single chunks of log out of a tree with my bare fists, that I will then stick on a table and wonder why they don’t transform into perfectly cut boards to build my shitshack with.

      • BatJamags says:

        I’ll probably be smacking my wooden pickax into the ground repeatedly and wondering why I haven’t found iron yet.

      • AdmiralSakai says:

        I’ll probably spent thirty seconds wandering around in a cave looking for ore, then try to open up Eclipse and write a mod that allows it to be farmed endlessly from a one-meter-by-one-meter box of optical equipment.

  10. Delta XIII says:

    Dunno. What are you looking at? Because all I see is the Void – and it keeps staring back into me, which gets very annoying.

    I only stare at the Void to keep it distracted while I pick its pockets.
    It actually works a lot better than you’d think, though staring for too long does cause the occasional exsistential crisis.

  11. The guy who wrote the fanfic, CrashBurnGlobal says:

    Hey~ I don’t like that you guys are giving such a harsh review on my fanfic. Some things to point out that you duumbasses can seem to see yourself

    1: They have most likely encountered floaters before since they are all over the place.
    2: They made it to where the P.R.A.W.N suit works better on land, so thats why I implemented it.
    3: Casey can’t build another P.R.A.W.N suit, because she doesn’t have the blue prints. Also she doesn’t need it because she is a bad ass. And no she is not stupid because she fought a sandshark with a stalker tooth, she actually was going to do that in the fan fic but I just didn’t implement it because people would think casey is OP and by the way LOGAN JUST SAID THAT BECAUSE HE LIKES HER!
    4: Seamoths are easy to find and build, and since the current time line is just a little over a month and a half not a few weeks, of course she could build one.
    5: The cave crawlers see Casey and Logan as threats so they don’t attack them, because its classic alien knowledge and common sense. If something is more powerful than you, back the fuck up!
    6: They don;t know what lantern fruits are or any other kind of plant, because they didn’t even know it exists, and in this fan fic, Casey and Logan name everything, not the PDA lady.
    7: Logan was already in the sub, he was talking to casey via ear piece. Ya dumb ass.
    8: All she got was a cut to the bone, and she was pressing down on the wound to slow, and eventually stop the bleeding, but this didn’t work because she passed out by then.
    9: Yes I do plan for Casey and Logan to hook up, but it will play out different than you might think.
    10: I know that the purple artifact is what it is, but they don’t know that they don’t even know precursors exist, since they had no contact with any precursor technology before hand. So thats why they found the “Purple glowey thing.”

    • SC says:

      I’m getting a hoot out of this entire rant, but number three, in particular, is cracking me the fuck up.

      Casey can’t build another P.R.A.W.N suit, because she doesn’t have the blue prints.

      Funny, that hasn’t stopped her before, if prior chapters have shown anything.

      Also she doesn’t need it because she is a bad ass.

      I have yet to see any proof of this, rather than, “a moron who can mysteriously build complex shit out of scrap and keeps getting lucky where being in danger is concerned.”

      And no she is not stupid because she fought a sandshark with a stalker tooth,

      And that’s… not stupid? How do you figure? Because if common sense has taught me anything, stabbing sharks is generally a good way to get torn apart, by the very same shark.

      she actually was going to do that in the fan fic but I just didn’t implement it because people would think casey is OP

      Being OP is fine, being a God damn Mary Sue is the issue.

      and by the way LOGAN JUST SAID THAT BECAUSE HE LIKES HER!

      Oh, nobody is disputing that Dumbass has a stiffy for Crazy Casey. It is, though, a development in their relationship that still befuddles the mind, given that she held his ass up at knife point and has since then done little to improve upon first impressions.

    • GhostCat says:

      :waves: Hi! Glad you found us! Let’s go down your list, shall we?

      1. If they have encountered Floaters before, why do they refer to it as a new creature? The giant Floaters are still identifiable as Floaters, so if they had encountered them before they should have recognized them.

      2. If this P.R.A.W.N. works better on land now, then why does it get defeated by some undergrowth and then get left behind for most of the chapter?

      3. Casey has a scanner, she’s been using it constantly. She could scan the P.R.A.W.N.to get its blueprint. She’s not a badass, she’s veering deep into Mary Sue territory. (And Logan likes her? Really? I don’t see it.)

      4. I don’t dispute the fact that she could build a Seamoth, I just don’t think she could build one INSIDE THE CYCLOPS – especially not one that she would then modify into a two-seater model, which would be bigger than the standard version.

      5. Considering the Cave Crawlers do attack Logan, there isn’t any indication that they see the squishy humans as a threat. They are just absent from the fic until they make a half-assed attempt to attack Logan to make Logan look a little more badass.

      6. If they are naming everything themselves, why do they keep reading the names off of the scanner after scanning something?

      7. When was Logan on the sub talking to Casey over a radio earpiece? They only time they were apart from each other was when Casey scanned the Floater and then later when Logan ran back to the Cyclops for a medkit. There was no conversation between them either time.

      8. “All” she got was cut to the bone? She’s described as having her leg ripped open with blood gushing out; it the wound was deep enough that it went down to the bone then she would have likely bled out very quickly without prompt medical attention.

      9. I haven’t thought about them hooking up at all. I kind of assumed that they will at some point, because that’s how these fics usually play out, but they don’t really have any chemistry together.

      10: The artifact isn’t described beyond being cold and glowing purple so not only does Casey and Logan not know what it is, the audience doesn’t know what it is either. And why does Logan refer to the decoration as “a alien letter” if they don’t know anything about it or the Precursors? They found it in a human-built base surrounded by human possessions, so if they had no knowledge of the Precursors’ existence wouldn’t they assume it belonged to the former occupants – the Degasi survivors?

    • AdmiralSakai says:

      duumbasses

      Are you for real? Oh god please be for real.

      1: They have most likely encountered floaters before since they are all over the place.

      Who’s all over the place? Your characters? I wholeheartedly agree.

      3: Casey can’t build another P.R.A.W.N suit, because she doesn’t have the blue prints. Also she doesn’t need it because she is a bad ass. And no she is not stupid because she fought a sandshark with a stalker tooth, she actually was going to do that in the fan fic but I just didn’t implement it because people would think casey is OP and by the way LOGAN JUST SAID THAT BECAUSE HE LIKES HER!

      I bet SHES A SATANITS too.

      If something is more powerful than you, back the fuck up!

      And yet here you are, trying to mix it up with a satirical fanfiction website.

      • GhostCat says:

        And, of course, if the author has to explain the fic in a long, detailed post that just kind of highlights the fact that this fic is terrible at explaining what the hell is going on.

      • CrashBurnGlobal says:

        I just want to say fuck all of you. Im not taking this down no matter how much you fuck around with me, so be a shit I don’t care!

      • Delta XIII says:

        We wouldn’t want you to take it down anyway; you’ve given us so much riffing material already, stopping now would just ruin the fun!

      • GhostCat says:

        I’m not “fucking around” with you or attacking you personally in any way, I’m critiquing your writing; there’s a difference. This was very badly written – I just pointed out the problems.

      • AdmiralSakai says:

        We never wanted you to take the fic down; we want you to learn how to write properly.

      • SC says:

        Oh, by all means, keep the fic up. Update it, even! It’s certainly fun to make fun of as it is, and if you ever decide to fix the things that are wrong with it, it might even be good one of these days.

    • BatJamags says:

      When I first saw this comment, I was in a good mood, so I decided that rather than be a smartass as usual, I’d give you a calm and reasoned explanation of some of the underlying writing issues that you’ve overlooked with your points. However, my computer crashed while I was in the middle of writing that comment, so now I find myself with a considerably less sunny disposition. Lucky you.

      In response to your first post:

      1: When you can show something in your story, don’t tell it, and when you can tell something in your story, you sure as hell shouldn’t wait for someone to bring it up outside the story before you mention it.

      2: What the hell are you saying? That you’re tracking the story progression with game progression? I don’t know shit about Subnautica, but that’s what I’m hearing. Protip: the things that make games interesting don’t translate particularly well into writing. Try some conflict.

      3: Badass does not mean having a laundry list of overpowered talents and skills like improbable invention abilities that would be literally impossible without heavy industrial machinery or winning lopsided fights. Badass is at least 75% dependent on personality. Someone who is resilient in the face of overwhelming odds is significantly more badass than someone who conquers any challenge without difficulty.

      4: If the timeline is important, establish it. And besides, she fundamentally altered the design. How? Why?

      5: Ghostie pretty much covered this part.

      6: You’re being very inconsistent about how they come up with these names. It would be very interesting and creative (if perhaps needlessly confusing) if they came up with their own names or terminology for all the alien things. It would be simple if they just came up with the names from the game and just arbitrarily stick those names onto anything they meet and/or are assumed to have already named it all. Pick one.

      7: This is why description is important. Especially since I have no damned idea which scene you’re referring to.

      8: She got a very deep cut and at some point passed out. So yeah, she should’ve bled out. Minor brownie points to you for at least realizing that wounds to the limbs can be dangerous, but it just didn’t quite work.

      9: Ah, I can tell that they’re attracted to each other because…

      Well, I suppose they’re of opposite genders and have spent an extended amount of time in one another’s presence. If nothing else, Hollywood would say that means they’re in love.

      Note to self: don’t take dating advice from Hollywood.

      10: “A small, datapad-like device with a purple screen that had a strange symbol in the center.” That is a description. What you discussed was just barely specific enough for the audience to have no idea what you’re talking about.

      With regards to your other post:

      11: No one said anything about taking down the fic. It’s your writing. We’re using it as an example of certain poor writing choices (see my previous ten points). Feel free to ignore us if you disagree with our analysis.

      And now a few comments of my own:

      12: You’re clearly very enthusiastic about your writing and that’s a good thing. If I had to give you general advice, I’d say to invest that energy into outlining a clear conflict and arc so that you have an idea of where you’re going.

      13: Second, take it slow. I know you want to rush through the story to get to the next exciting part, because I feel that same instinct with my writing, but you’re moving too fast for your audience to really understand your story the same way you do. Lay things out for them.

      14: Normally, I’d drop some clever one-liner here to wrap up my counter-rant, but it’s 1:30 AM where I live so I’m too tired for that shit.

    • KittyNoodles says:

      You don’t like that we’re leaving such a harsh review on your fanfiction.

      That is the phrase you choose.

      You sniveling git, you’re as bad as E. L. James. But with significantly less talent.

  12. TacoMagic says:

    What does that mean, that you can perform surgery on yourself to sew the gash shut? Just tear off a strip of clothing, bind up the wound, and go back to the ship! And if you have a medkit fabricator to supply you with medkits, why aren’t you carrying any with you while you explore this potentially dangerous island? How either of you managed to survive this long is a mystery to me.

    Meanwhile in Neo Scavenger: “MOAR BANDAGES!”

    • GhostCat says:

      The medkit description in Subnautica says “Treated bandages. Apply to staunch blood-flow and sanitize wounds.” so it really is nothing but bandages – but it still restores fifty percent of your health.

      • TacoMagic says:

        Neo Scavenger is a bit less forgiving. You bandage yourself, but still suffer from pain penalties and a chance to die of sepsis if no antibiotics are available. It’s the fun of Oregon trail, but with 90% more horribly mutated wildlife!


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