1724: Brego’s Mistress – Chapter Two, Part Two

Title: Brego’s Mistress
Author: hannah.jpg
Media: Books
Topic: Lord of the Rings
Genre: Drama and Romance
URL: Chapter Two
Critiqued by Angie

Howdy, nerds! I’m Angie back again with another edition of Brego’s Mistress. And, y’all…I finally found a fic that I really want to get through. Like, The Girl is fine, but this one… HO BOY.

I have the entire fic saved to my phone just in case Hannah decides to take it down…which means I’ve skimmed through and…it only gets worse.

With that, let’s finish Chapter Two!

For the first time, a look of discomfort passed on the prince’s face. “I am sorry, Léofe, that I am taking him away. I hate to cause anyone pain. If it is any consolation, I cannot take him for a year yet. I intend to return every few months to do some training myself.”

…which I’d believe if anything about your characterization proved that you’re not a lying bastard. First of all, you don’t give a shit about anyone other than you. Second of all, the whole reason you’re not taking the horse now is that you want Léofe to train him herself. Third of all, don’t act like you’re being forced to not get Brego for a year. You lying bastard.

You have already caused my pain! she thought.

Oh good, now the author can read minds, too. Brilliant. Tropes, tropes, tropes!

But out loud she said, “Swear to care for him, and I will be content.” It did not occur to her that she was not really in a position to give orders to a prince.

A farm girl asking a prince to take good care of her best friend? Well, that’s just never happened before! Put this on the front page, Goddamn It!

But he seemed to take it in good humor, and bowed to her slightly.

Yeah, exactly! So why does Léofe think everything she says could get her executed? She’s a farm girl, not a criminal.

“I swear it shall be done.”

“Very good.”

*snort* Pretentious little shit. It’s real tragic, how self absorbed these assholes are. And that’s coming from me!

“And further -” He suddenly reached a hand into his tunic, and pulled out a small bag that jingled. “For your expense and investment in raising him, I feel it fitting to compensate you. Perhaps it will take away some of the sting.”

If you expect me to believe that Theodred gave Léofe a Mercedes Benz, I…don’t know what to tell you. It’s either a Keychain or a Bell, which is frankly even stupider.

He placed the pouch in her hand, which she weighed briefly. There had to be twenty gold crowns at least! “This is ridiculous, sire,” she said, trying to give it back to him. “You do not need to pay.”

Oh, they’re coins. I guess that makes more sense.

But wait! I thought royalty didn’t need to pay for horses!

“I wish to be fair.”

Léofe gritted her teeth. “We do not need your charity!”

Well then give the money to someone else. Like me. I want it!

But also, is this implying that Theodren just carries around sacks of gold wherever he goes? Bull. Shit.

BUT ALSO, why would you imply Theoden would just give money to poor farm girls?

BUT ALSO, I just. Why is she denying the money?

BUT ALSO, why is he paying now instead of in a year when he actually takes Brego?

The prince frowned slightly at her words, and she stammered as she realized her rudeness. “That is, we will be well set once the traders come through. It is against Rohirric law to charge a member of the king’s family for a steed, and I do not wish to stand trial in front of your father.”

Exactly! Jesus, I was scared we were just completely denying the rules we previously set—

He reached out and closed his fist over hers, encasing the bag within her grip.

*throws desk at wall* God damnit!

Even though he wore gloves, she found herself reeling at the sensation of being touched. Since her mother died, she had only been touched by horses through nudges and an occasional kick. Gerdhelm

I’m so sorry.

had certainly never been one for fatherly embraces. “I would testify on your behalf should such a tragedy occur,” he said. “Please.”

Your dad never touches you, huh? You should be happy about that, to be fair.

“Fine,” she snapped. “He is yours now! Take him now or next year, whichever you prefer. I will continue training him until then. But our business today is concluded. I am sure your eored will be missing your royal presence!”

Oooh! *throws sunglasses* Savage!

Wait, I don’t get it.

The prince regarded her solemnly. “Pray remember, I was invited to dine with your father tonight.

Well. Huh. Okay. I guess…okay.

If you insist, I shall of course return to my eored, but I would rather prefer something other than patrol rations.”

Manipulation to get what you want never actually works in real life. But you’re a prince, so I guess whatever floats your goat.

Her annoyance rising to untold levels, Léofe grumbled to herself as she led the prince to where she and her father lived.

I’m confused as to why making the prince leave as soon as possible is actually helping Léofe’s case.

The house had been built very close to the stables, for birthing season they might need to rush out two, three times each night. She directed him towards the well for a wash, and she entered the kitchen with a bang!

*sigh* What the fuck am I reading right now? So far we have been introduced to two actual characters from the Legendarium, one of them being a horse. The Legendarium of the trilogy is so complex that it takes fifteen hours or more to explain it all. This doesn’t even include the Hobbit trilogy. That Legendarium had hobbits, elves, dwarves, kings, queens, giant talking trees…whatever the fuck Sauron is…whatever the fuck Smeagol is…you need a fucking dictionary the size of my leg to explain it all. And this fic? This fic is about a horse. Just a horse. Nothing special. Jesus Christ.

“Quickly, lass, put these on the table!” Gerdhelm had scraped together their best produce and preserves for a respectable table.

How did he cook a giant meal, enough for the Second Marshal of the Riddermark, in…hell, ten minutes? I mean, it can’t take so long to explain every horse’s stats. ‘This is Morciul, the mightiest of our horses. He eats the chicken poop.’

Fortunately the prince had been living off worse, and he praised the meal profusely as they ate. Léofe felt no need to contribute to the conversation, instead simmering with resentment towards the man across from her while she pushed the pickled green beans back and forth on her plate. Her appetite was gone, and tears pricked her eyes. She did not want Brego taken away, now or later!

How many times is Hannah going to keep rehashing this line? You’ve said this exact thing, in some way or another, a good twelve times. Jesus fuck, move on! You knew this was coming!

“There is an adage among the riders in Aldburg,” the prince said suddenly, his gaze drawn to Léofe. “That a stallion born at night is the best to ride into battle. Is this true, mistress?”

Gee, I don’t know. This is the first time we’ve heard of this idiom. Hell if I know, asshole.

“I cannot know,” she said, straightening her back. “My experience is with horses untrained in battle. Any way -” A thought struck her, and she stared at the prince. “Why do you bring this topic to the table, sire?”

Maybe it’s because he wants to buy your fucking horse? I mean, I know Léofe isn’t necessarily the sharpest knife in the drawer, but you’d think she’d have some brains.

Gerdhelm nearly choked at her rudeness, but the prince only looked disconcerted. “I – your father mentioned it – I think?” he said, looking to Gerdhelm for help.

Yes indeed he did. And so did Léofe. And the narrator. All several times.

“He could not have,” Léofe said. “He was in Edoras to purchase new mares during the birth, and I was left alone. Except -“

*headdesk*

Oh, what a fool she had been!

I completely agree! But…why?

Of course the prince looked familiar. Brego’s birth had been difficult, even with her experience, and it would be difficult to forget a happenstance friend’s help. “It was you,” she said, staring at him. “You were the stranger that night!”

Uh…uh duh.

“Well, yes.” Now he looked distinctly uncomfortable.

“I see.”

Doesn’t exactly take a genius to figure that out, now does it?

Silence ensued for several long moments, and abruptly Gerdhelm inquired the prince about the king’s health.

Which I’m sure the prince will answe—

A jar of preserved peaches was brought to the table for a sweet treat, and as soon as her father stood to end the meal, Léofe dashed for the door.

*headdesk* Of course not!

Her nightly routine of taking each horse for a quick exercise was normally her favorite part of the day, as she did enjoy the sunsets, but the prince’s visit still disturbed her. Brego was no longer hers.

Actually, no. He’s yours for another year, Léofe. You might have missed that, even though you responded to the prince when he said that.

Okay, why on Earth did Theodred come to the farm now instead of later if he wasn’t even planning on taking Brego for another year?

Everytime she would reach to pet him, she would see the prince’s face in her mind, and remember. His face on that starlit night, which she had dreamt about afterwards. A handsome man was dangerous, a prince was perhaps more so, but man that was both? She was in danger of forgiving him for both his lie and his theft.

Surprise, this fic is a romance! Yup, Léofe is a self insert OC who falls in love with Theodred because reasons. It’s expanded upon later on in the fic, but let’s just riff the story in order.

“Oi, Moonlight! Check your paces!” she shouted at the grey blush mare, tugging on the lead rein gently. This horse was easily distracted, and it showed. The mare turned to her and snorted, as if to say, I exercise all the time. It’s not every day I see a butterfly! Have a heart!

Sounds like some people I know at the Library.

Syl: *holds a gun to my head* Say that again!

Footsteps suddenly sounded behind her, and Léofe turned and saw the prince approaching, leading a saddled gelding, which must have been his remount. Instead of standing a respectable distance away, he had come right up to her. She had to look up to see his eyes, which seemed regretful. And quite a beautiful shade of brown!

Oh Jesus. Yup. Here we go. We’re gonna get some romance in here right about now. Whoop-de-Fucking-Doo. This is gonna be loads of fun. So where does this go?

Léofe shook herself and the prince spoke. “I cannot say that I am at ease for purchasing Brego, but I felt a bond with him from the night that he was born. I feel that he is destined to be mine.”

…absolutely nowhere. I don’t know how I feel about that fact. Am I angry or thanking a God?

“And I cannot argue that point,” she said. “For I know it as well. I can see it.”

Bull-shit. Why can’t you just stand up to the prince? Just say ‘hey. Is there absolutely no other horse you want besides Brego?’.

A half-smile formed on his face, and despite having spent the afternoon in his company, Léofe still found it staggering.

Oh Jesus. Yup. Here we go. We’re gonna get some romance in here right about now. Whoop-de-Fucking-Doo. This is gonna be loads of fun. So where does this go?

“Though I bow to your obvious experience with him. I look forward to hearing your advice in training. You might even consider him still half-yours, with your influence and care.”

…absolutely nowhere. I don’t know how I feel about that fact. Am I angry or thanking a G—didn’t we already go over this?

Half-hers. Never before could she have claimed to own any part of a horse, as her father often reminded her. She was simply their caretaker. Knowing that Brego could still be a part of her and she a part of him made her heart swell with warmth, and she smiled. “I would be happy to share, sire.”

At least they made a compromise, you know? I mean, at least there’s that. God, I’m just hoping we don’t get another fake out.

He pressed his lips to her knuckles,

Jesus Christ. Skip to the Author’s Note!

Hullo!

*waves* Hi!

Just wanted to say Hi and I hope you’re enjoying thus far.

Not really, no. But I’m glad you’re thinking of me.

Do let me know what you think – I would much appreciate a review or message.

¯\_(ツ)_/¯ Maybe this wasn’t the kind of review you were expecting. Uh…sorry?

Oh, and before you rail me about how unlikable Leofe is, I already know. She’s ridiculous to write and makes me a bit crazy.

Glad we’re on the same page for once. Thanks, Hannah. Now I know who to send threats to. *headdesk*

But let me assure you this as well – she is going to enjoy lots of miseries and turn out all the better for them :)

I honestly doubt that.

But, there’s the end of the chapter. God, this riff took me a while. And I’ve still got a shit ton more to do. Yay!

Let’s do this.

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14 Comments on “1724: Brego’s Mistress – Chapter Two, Part Two”

  1. AdmiralSakai says:

    Title: Brego’s Mistress

    Every time I read that title, there is a split second where I perceive it instead as “Preggo Mistress”. And I hate myself for it.

  2. AdmiralSakai says:

    Yeah, exactly! So why does Léofe think everything she says could get her executed?

    To be fair, everything she writes makes me want to execute her…

  3. AdmiralSakai says:

    Even though he wore gloves, she found herself reeling at the sensation of being touched. Since her mother died, she had only been touched by horses

    Ew.

  4. AdmiralSakai says:

    She directed him towards the well for a wash, and she entered the kitchen with a bang!

    *Jumps, startled.*

    Hey! What’d you have to do that for?

  5. AdmiralSakai says:

    A jar of preserved peaches was brought to the table for a sweet treat,

    By whom? There’s only three people in the house, and they’re all currently eating.

  6. AdmiralSakai says:

    she is going to enjoy lots of miseries

    Hopefully one of them involve her being beaten with twelve to six elbows.

  7. BatJamags says:

    Manipulation to get what you want never actually works in real life.

    What do you mean by this? Because manipulation does and has worked for a very long time (see also: my “politics” joke that I accidentally posted on Sonic High School).

  8. BatJamags says:

    Syl: *holds a gun to my head* Say that again!

    That again!

  9. Delta XIII says:

    Sounds like some people I know at the Library.

    Syl: *holds a gun to my head* Say that again!


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