1709: The Girl – Chapter Four

Title: The Girl
Author: MRobitussin
Media: Books
Topic: The Outsiders
Genre: Romance
URL:  Chapter Four
Critiqued by Angie and Queenie

Soc and Greaser.

Alright. Good night, Queenie.

Queenie: *lays in her bed* Have a pleasant evening.

You too. *closes door, slides onto floor, sighs* Pleasant evening. That ain’t gonna happen. I still have to review this fic.

*coughs, goes down to my office (a broom closet), and pulls out manuscript* Lets just get this chapter over with. It’s a doozie from Riley’s perspective.

Okay, seriously. What sane person would imagine The Outsiders as a better book with POV changes?

Chapter 4: Riley

My birth should never have happened.

Sorry. Maybe I shouldn’t be that rude. But, goddamn if this author isn’t making it too easy.

My parents weren’t in love; they were searching for love and in the process had me.

Let me guess. There’s a dad, and a mom, and possibly a cuckold somewhere in there.

My dad Earl was married before my parents met and they had a son together, but his first wife couldn’t deal with his drinking, so she left him.

Gee, how do I keep guessing these things? It’s almost like this bullshit excuse for literature is…boring and predictable!

Earl was upset that I wasn’t a boy and my mom, Abby was only 18 when I was born, drop out of high school

*coughs* I almost forgot about this author’s vague understanding of common word choice. It’s like when I used to call those things ‘mixed tapes’ instead of ‘mixtapes’.

and struggling to make things work between her and him.

Well, it ain’t The Girl without forced sob stories about things the author couldn’t possibly understand, is it?

My mom moved us around all the time and tried to keep my dad away from drinking and other woman, but nothing ever worked. The night before we moved to Tulsa, she got into a fight with him and he smacked her. That was the last straw for Abby, she packed up her stuff and left.

Why does she keep referring to her mom as ‘Abby’? I get that it’s her name, but couldn’t she…you know…call her mom?

She promised me she’d be back for me, once she was settled in New York I would come live with her.

Unlike Queenie over here. Her mom just left her with a strangely prostitution praising circus troupe. And then she became queen. Yay!

I know Ponyboy and his brothers said I was welcome at their house, but I didn’t feel right leeching off of other people.

Well…wait. Are you telling me you never ask other people for help? You’re a fucking abuse victim. Of course people are gonna try to help you. Don’t be an asshole.

I left that morning before any of them woke up. At school, everyone told me Ponyboy had been asking about me, but I avoided him.

Fucking kill me. Are you fucking serious? You motherfucking goddamn piece of fucking shit. He helps you, and you straight up boycott him entirely. I mean, Jesus Christ! This is fucking Draco/Ebony bullshit going on here!

I used make up to cover my black eye the best I could and I didn’t want it talked about school.

Furthermore, shut the fuck up, Riley. God, I hate you. And you’re the title fucking character!

I knew that what my dad was doing wasn’t right, but I also knew that sometimes when people get mad they accidentally take their anger out on other people.

Is this like Star Wars, where all the main characters die horrible deaths? Please?

I just had to survive a few weeks of torture and then mom would send for me. I would move to New York and I’d never have to think about Tulsa, or Earl, or Ponyboy and his beautiful dark eyes and sweet smile…

Fucking hell. This is where the romance begins, isn’t it. The cringiest part of the whole thing.

I was able to avoid Ponyboy for a month.

Well, nice guys finish last, I suppose.

Sure, Earl got mad at me a few times and pushed me around, but if I basically stayed in my room, he would leave me alone. I learned to stay out of Earl’s way; it was easier than running away every night.

Wait, isn’t running away staying out of Earl’s way? I’m not really getting the distinction.

Like I said, we’d been living in Tulsa for almost two months, I thought by now mom would have sent for me, Earl and she went through dissolution, so it only took about a month for all the paper work to be finished.

Okay, kid. You could’ve had, like, three sentences there. Instead, you found it more useful to just use a shit ton of commas.

I remember when I walked into the house that day after school, the whole place seemed like cheaper beer; it was disgusting.

You know, that day. The day we were talking about, where that thing happened, probably.

I had planned to just walk to my room and avoid even looking into the kitchen, Earl’s favorite spot in the house…sometimes I wondered if he slept in there.



As I walked by, Earl threw a beer bottle towards me, but it shattered on the wall next to me, forcing me to turn around and stop.

But it shattered on the wall next to me. If he only threw it towards you, isn’t the idea just to get your attention and not give you cuts and bruises, or worse? I’m beginning to think Riley is just being a drama queen.

“Worthless…” Earl spat at me. “Good for nothing…what the hell am I suppose to do with a bitch like you?”

Gee, I don’t know, asshole. Why do you care? She doesn’t like mooching off of people, and clearly you don’t like her mooching off of you, so why in God’s holy name do you give enough of a shit to yell at her and physically abuse her?

I stared at him. “Mom is going to send for me soon…then you can pretend I never existed…go find your son and forget me.”

Earl laughed as he threw a handful of papers at me. “She doesn’t want you…who would want a pain in the ass like you…”

Look, Earl. Care about your daughter or don’t, I don’t care. Just don’t lie to me.

I got onto my knees and looked at the papers in front of me. They were the final papers for Earl and mom’s dissolution…she had given sole custody of me to Earl, no visitation…no nothing…how could

this be? My vision started to get cloudy from tears as I sniffed and tried to figure out Abby’s reason for this.

…well, that’s kind of a dick move. Abby had literally no purpose in doing that other than just to make herself the antagonist and ruin Riley’s life further. Ugh.

“Shut the hell up!” Earl roared as he threw another bottle at me, this one hitting right in front of my feet.

Dude. Riley. Just fucking go. Leave the house.

My head was screaming run, get out of here before he throws another one;

*gestures towards the door* Come on, dumbass! Run!

but my heart wouldn’t let me move. I was too stunned by this realization to even protect myself; I just sat there mortified by the news and weeping in pain.

God fucking damnit. It’s Riley’s own fault if she gets abused more. It’s a dick thing to say, but honest? If Riley thinks she’ll get any sympathy in this, she can go fucking cry me a river.

Earl walked up to me and slapped me across the head, slamming my head into the doorway. I screamed in pain, I wasn’t bleeding or bruised, it just hurt very badly.

Because…Tom and Jerry logic! Hell, I’m surprised she isn’t half squished like a pancake.

I kept my head against the doorway, crying, holding my head, and in my head I was begging him to just leave me alone.

What a little shit. You’re NOT getting any more sympathy from me. No wonder your parents don’t want you.

“Shut the hell up now or I’ll make it you never see the light of day again!” He roared at me and kicked me in the stomach. I clutched to my stomach for a minute, then grabbed the paper and flew out the door. I think what they say about having super human strength in a time of need is true because even though I had just had the wind knocked out of me, I ran faster than I ever had in my life.

For a scene like this, you’d imagine to have…some stakes. Of course, this is The Girl, so I shouldn’t be all that surprised.

Without knowing it, I was heading towards Ponyboy’s house. I guess it was an instinct, I had felt safe there that night. But they would get annoyed with this girl running there all the time needing a place to sleep. Besides I hadn’t talk to Ponyboy in over a month…he probably wanted nothing to do with me; I had blown him off like he was nothing.

When I finally stopped, I was on Ponyboy’s block. Wow…I didn’t mean to head over here.

*cough* Bullshit. *cough*

I look around and find an empty lot full of random trash and a back seat from a car. I walk over there and sit down, pulling out the paper and studying it.

It was Abby’s signature…

Well, shoot. That’s pretty lucky, isn’t it? You just so happen to be on Ponyboy’s block, and then you just so happen to find an empty lot full of random trash and a back seat from a car, and there just so happens to be a—wait. Oh.

I use to watch her sign checks for bills and worry about if the money would be in the bank by the time the person got them. It felt like a piece of my heart was gone, this gabbing hole that throbbed and beat inside my chest. I never felt a pain like this before…I wish I had better words to explain how empty and incomplete I felt. Abby didn’t want me…Early didn’t want me…

Pffffft. *snort* Early. That’s goddamn hilarious. Holy shit. I just. I can’t even insult that. I just…wow. Just wow.

No one wanted me. What was I going to do?

Gee, I sure wish Pony randomly arrived in a weird-ass deus ex ma—

“Hey!” Someone yelled at me from the sidewalk. I turned my head, ready to take off a moment’s notice as I watched the black figure walk to me. It was Ponyboy, in blue jeans, a black t-shirt, and a black leather jacket.

*rolls eyes* Of course it is. I mean, who else would it be? Cleopatra? The Queen of England?

Queenie: *opens door to broom closet* Yes?

Queenie! Boy, am I glad to see you! For once!

Queenie: It’s a pleasure.

Wanna riff with me?

Queenie: No.

Well, that sucks. Sit down.

He looked surprised to see me. “Riley?”

I don’t doubt that he’s surprised to—actually, no.

Queenie: I sense a small rant.

Pony does realise that he told Riley that she’s welcome any time, right? Or was that just a thing I imagined?

Queenie: I was not here.

I know. I only just obtained you.

Queenie: ‘Obtained’?

It’s a nicer way of saying ‘kidnapped’.

I wiped my eyes. “Hey Ponyboy…what are you doing out here?”

He looked around than looked back at me. “Umm…I live down the street…remember?”

I sighed. “Oh yeah…right…”

Fuck yeah! Pony’s throwing shade!

Queenie: Shades is not here.

No, not shades, I said…*sigh* Whatever. Carry on.

He sat down next to me, I could smell the scent of smoke on him and it made me want a cigarette badly, but I had left my pack at home in my coat pocket. I looked at him and tried to force myself to smile. “Got a cigarette I can bum?”

I think it’s actually really stupid that Pony just happens to have a pack of cigarettes whenever it’s necessary.

Ehhhh. Whatever.

He held out his pack and a lighter. I took one out and lit it, taking a long drag and inhaling as much of the smoke I could. I felt light headed at the first hit, that’s why I loved to smoke…that light headed feeling made me feel at peace, if only for a moment. Ponyboy took one out and lit one himself as I sat there, not wanting my high to end.

I mean, unless you’re smoking marijuana, I seriously doubt you can call it a ‘high’ and get away with it.

“Riley…are you ok? You look like you’ve been crying.”

…then she’s probably been crying, which means it’s kind of stupid to ask if she’s okay.

I didn’t look at him. “It’s nothing…” I took another drag of my cigarette and hoped he wouldn’t ask more…I knew he cared, but I didn’t want to admit out loud no one wanted me.

“Get in your dad’s way again?”

Jesus fuck. I mean, Ponyboy. I…really? You had to say this? And he says this with a fucking lighthearted chuckle? Bull. Fucking. Shit.

I half laughed at Ponyboy’s comment…in my dad’s way…I didn’t have a dad…I had an Earl and I was always in Earl’s way. I looked over at him. “Yeah…something like that…” I tried to smile and looked back down at the paper I was holding.

And then she does a lighthearted chuckle as well! What the fuck is wrong with these kids? Do Riley and Pony not understand the things that are at stake? Ugh.

Queenie: …well, damn.

Ponyboy noticed my gaze. “What’s that?”

I looked back up, but not at Ponyboy…if I looked at him I would cry, I didn’t need to cry to him. “My parent’s dissolution papers…they’re officially no longer married as of today.”

Well, good! Right? Now that they’re not together, the stress of their relationship shouldn’t be coming down so hard. I mean, right? Right?

He took my hand. “I’m sorry Riley…bet it’s hard…”

Nope! Now that they’ve divorced, everything should be okay! Go to court for heaven’s sake, it’s not like Riley has done anything the judge can hold against her.

I looked down at my hand and watched as a tear from my eye landed on his hand and splat into a million pieces; god I wanted to be that tear. “It’s been almost two months since I moved here…she was suppose to send for me after she got settled in New York…I would live with her…happy and away from Earl.”

But seriously, I can think of no reason why Riley’s mom would do this. I’m sure there’s a good reason for this, but for the life of me, I can’t figure it out.

Ponyboy rubbed my hand. “I’m sure she’ll send any time now…”

I half laughed and half cried and turned to face him. “Look at the paper Ponyboy…she gave all rights to me to Earl…” I sniffed as I turned away, anger building in my voice. “She doesn’t want me! He doesn’t want me! Nobody wants me!” I pulled my hand away from his and put them to my face, sobbing uncontrollable; I struggled to breathe through sobs that racked my body in slightly violent shakes.

Well, I’m sure Ponyboy wants you. He wants you move then anything.

Ponyboy threw his arms around me and held me tight to his chest, trying to get me to stop shaking. “I want you Riley…I want you move then anything…”


*headdesk* *headdesk* *headdesk*

I stopped crying when he said that. Someone wanted me? Impossible! I still struggled to catch my breath as I lifted my head up and looked into his eyes. His dark eyes were comforting…I felt safe next to him and looking into his eyes. This boy made me feel like I had never felt before, complete and

Oh boy, do I love when Marissa uses her amazing ‘Enter’ skills. It’s not the first time this has happened, and I’m sure it’s not the last time.

welcomed; my parents fought so much and moved around so much I never felt complete or welcomed anywhere. It felt so good to feel that way and I didn’t want it to end.

It felt so good not to feel welcome? I mean, same, but I can’t bring myself to say that’s a good thing.


I don’t know how it happened; I can’t even remember moving closer to him like I had. Our bodies were pushed against each other and my hands had moved to his shoulders and were gripping them tight as if I had let go he would disappear.

Oh God, here we go.

We were looking into each other’s eyes and it felt warm and safe there. He put his hand to my cheek and wiped away my last tear, then he leaned in and he kissed me.

*projectile vomits* I knew it. I fucking knew it. God, there can’t be a book that is intentionally without romance that isn’t made into a fic where romance is the main genre. What a prick hole.

It felt like a bolt of lightning crashed into me. I suddenly felt warmer and safer.

Ah, yes. Because whenever a bolt of lightning crashes into me, my immediate reaction is ‘wow! I feel so warm and safe!’ No, Riley. You need to go to the hospital, if you’re not dead.

His arms were wrapped around me and holding me close to him. I gripped tight back to him, not wanting this moment or feeling to end.

Yeah, but on my end, I would thank the Lord if this fic ended right now.

His lips on mine felt right and perfect. It was as if the world around us disappeared and it was just him and I in oblivion. No harm could come to us here, I was safe…I was safe with Ponyboy.

*blows celebratory air horn* Yay! The fic is over! Gee, I…oh yeah. There’s still twenty more chapters.

Fuck me, right?

Well, this has been Angie, and…God, I hope things get better. Signing off.


24 Comments on “1709: The Girl – Chapter Four”

  1. AdmiralSakai says:

    I used make up to cover my black eye the best I could and I didn’t want it talked about school.

    Did she put on TONS of blak iliner?

  2. AdmiralSakai says:

    There’s still twenty more chapters.


  3. BatJamags says:

    Why does she keep referring to her mom as ‘Abby’? I get that it’s her name, but couldn’t she…you know…call her mom?

    I know some people who refer to their parents by their names. I’m not sure what the logic is, but it’s not unheard of.

  4. BatJamags says:

    “Worthless…” Earl spat at me. “Good for nothing…what the hell am I suppose to do with a bitch like you?”

    *Sigh* People don’t get angry at other people by just generically listing their problems with them. Generally something – even if it’s something small – sets them off. My point is this is just too one-dimensional to even be believable.

  5. BatJamags says:

    The Queen of England?

    Queenie: *opens door to broom closet* Yes?

    It’s a nicer way of saying ‘kidnapped’.


    Did you-

    Oh, hell no, I am not going to be here for the diplomatic nightmare this is going to create.

  6. BatJamags says:

    I think it’s actually really stupid that Pony just happens to have a pack of cigarettes whenever it’s necessary.

    It’s (I think?) the ’50s. And if there’s one thing I’ve learned from watching ’50s movies, it’s that everyone smokes. All the time.

    • AdmiralSakai says:

      That still doesn’t explain how he never runs out.

      • Angie says:

        He doesn’t have a job, and he probably doesn’t mug people (which is against his moral compass, I’m fairly certain). Sodapop has a job at a gas station, so it’s a possibility he smuggles Ponyboy boxes of cigarettes, but if anything is evident from the original book, Soda’s not exactly keen on letting Ponyboy smoke, and neither is Darry.

        No matter how I configure it, it’s bullshit.

      • GhostCat says:

        As a former smoker, I can say that people who smoke are very reluctant to let their supply run out and will come up with creative ways to get their fix.

  7. GhostCat says:

    Okay, seriously. What sane person would imagine The Outsiders as a better book with POV changes?

    One of my favorite books, Number of the Beast, has a rotating POV with different characters writing different chapters – but that really only works if each character has a distinctive “voice” to use. (Also, Heinlein was a certified genius.) Fanfics doesn’t usually have that; even if the POV changes, the “voice” remains the same.

    • BatJamags says:

      You also have to plan it very carefully to make sure you’re writing from the POV of the character for whom it makes the most sense.

      • GhostCat says:

        Very true. There’s also the logistical problem of keeping track of how much each character knows about any given situation, which can get very complicated very quickly with a large cast, without letting the author’s knowledge of events leach into the character’s perspective.

        A lot of the issues with these revolving-door first-person fics can probably be traced to the authors’ inexperience; it’s as if the authors get stuck in the mindset of “I want to write about what is happening to [character], therefore I am now [character]!” without realizing it.

  8. DasCheesenBorgir says:

    Is this like Star Wars, where all the main characters die horrible deaths?

    Wait wut

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