1691: The Savior – Chapters Seventeen, Eighteen, and Nineteen

 

Title: The Savior
Author: bubbersgod
Media: Video Game
Topic: Dark Souls
Genre: Romance/Adventure
URL: Chapter Seventeen
Critiqued by Leider Hosen

Friends. Patrons. Perverts. Homicidal Sentient Buzzers.

Heresy Counter: [*Ascending white noise* *Descending white noise*]

Much like all good things, all bad things must one day end. Here we are, at the very end of this crazy journey. This was fucking nuts in all the right ways, but it’s time to lay this shitter to bed. When we last left off, Savior Stu dropped all pretensions and declared himself bubbersgod, who is going shit all over everything Dark Souls stands for and writing conventions in general to have his overly saccharine ending. However…

Abrelepine: However what?

Let’s not spoil the surprise, let’s just say that, if my hunch is right, the ending to this story will be very entertaining.

Chapter 17 Goodbye

The Savior didn’t want to leave before making sure he had done as he promised with the pale sister.

Our hero, everyone! Making sure he fucks a girl pregnant before saving the world because it would be rude if he didn’t yo!

Abrelepine: This hero has more confused moral priorities than I do.

He went to her and found out that she was in fact, finally with child. He kissed her and they cheered. She was infinitely happy with him. He got the sisters, Priscilla, Nito, Seeth, and the four speechless kings of New Londo together at Fire Link for an announcement.

“And then the Four Kings ripped Savior Stu’s soul out and fed it to the Abyss, Seathe drug everyone back to his library of doom to perform inhuman experiments on him, and Nito decided he didn’t even know what he was doing there and went back to his coffin to sleep the apocalypse off.”

Pontiff Sulyvahn: Is what would happen if any of them were in-character.

This would possibly be his last chance to confront them. So he wanted to address them all, as they where the ones he saved and so they where the ones whom would be concerned about his situation.

“I have called you all here to tell you something important. I have acquired the last Lord Soul from the Bed of Chaos. This means I will now be fighting the Lord Gwyn. I will be victorious,

BRB, killing God!

Pontiff Sulyvahn: Because vanquishing Gwyn is so easy.

Heresy Counter: 4991

but what pains me is the fact I must tell you all here today. I will, once I acquire Lord Gwyn’s soul and feed it to my gauntlets, cast the magic to save the entire world. All demons will die. All terrible curses will break. Every person whom is sick will no longer feel their pain. Light and prosperity will shine upon this world like never before, and peace will be yours.

Abrelepine: I hope the Daughters of Chaos don’t mind their entire race being purged.

But the reason I gathered you all here was not to boast.

Suuuuuuuuuuure

I may very well die from the casting. So after no more sounds of combat are heard, and a great light shines upon the the land from the heavens above, seek me out in the Kiln of the First Flame.

[Blaring Alarm Blares Blairingly]

Don’t worry, I have an idea. Hey look, Heresy!

Heresy Counter: [*Dissonant white noise and 16-Bit growling*]

-Moments Later-

Abrelepine: I… didn’t know it could do that. That’s rather frightening actually.

I do not want you to think I have left so you long for my return. I do wish to be helped if I am only injured and it is within your powers. But if I die, I want the world to know of my sacrifice, I want my three loves to know that their children where the product of greatness.

Because that isn’t narcissistic as fuck!

Sexist Douchecanoe: 20

This is why I called you all here. Say nothing, as I am now going to face Gwyn. If it is destined I live, we may speak then, but I do not want to hear cries of worry or wishes of good luck. I want there to be no doubt that I will succeed. I love you all and I love these lands. I even love the world in its entirety. So I make my leave friends. Good bye.”

What a moving speech, truly. I will remember these words forever.

Chapter 18 The Final Fight

The Savior had Frampt take him to the vessel. When he arrived the vessel glowed bright without him offering anything. It turned into a soul, the soul of hope. His gauntlets consumed it and the stone door to the Kiln of The First Flame opened.

Heresy Counter: 4992

He fought a few knights on the way, but other than that the path was safe.

It was totally safe, save for the legions of Silver Knights that were scarred black by the Chaos Flame and were “cleansed” by getting nuked to ashes by Gwyn in the Kiln. These knights, may I remind you, were demon killers, after being dragon slayers.

But other than that, completely safe!

The Kiln of The First Flame showed tons of charred landscape and shes where piled everywhere. The path was melted in some places to the point of difficulty to pass by. But he made it to Gwyn.

I could tell you how the Kiln of the First Flame is one of the most haunting, eerie, and profoundly impactful areas in the series. I could tell you the awe at seeing the souls of all the dead Black Knights walking by. I could tell you the all-encompassing feeling of finality and loneliness at stepping within the grey, barren landscape. Knowing that after all the deaths and rage, the end is near. Wondering if everything that lead you up to that point was worth it. Knowing that the final choice, which is ultimately pointless either way, awaits you.

But I won’t talk about it. Because that is something that shouldn’t be told. That is something you have to play Dark Souls for and experience for yourselves.

Even after using all of his Saviors Casting magics in combat, Lord Gwyn was attacking hard. He swung his fiery sword with great skill. When fighting Gwyn with his sword he finally parried and stabbed Gwyn in the stomach. He fell slowly, clutching onto the Saviors robes and caught on fire, leaving nothing behind other than his soul.[/quote]

That’s it. Gwyn, the First Lord of Cinder, the former Lord of Sunlight, the man who built the entire nation you travel through, who founded the world as we know it, dead in one tap.

Now, you can parry him to death, but if you can’t parry he is probably the third hardest boss in the main game, next to O&S and the Bed of Bullshit respectively. But really, the entire point of Gwyn is not how “epic and badass” he is but the impact he’s had on the world. He is a truly sad, tragic, and lonely figure.

After looming on the mountaintop as a god for all those years, he couldn’t take the idea of falling off and resisted the course of nature. He lost everything he ever loved, until he came to destroy what he wanted to protect in the first place. In the end, in a final act of defiance, he threw himself on the flame so he could selfishly die in the name of holding onto his nation for just a little longer, mostly because he knew the end was near and there was nothing he could really do about it.

He’s a cautionary tale about pride and how blind ambition to conquer and dominate can lead you down a dark path. He is so much like the humans that he despised and burned. That was likely one of the realizations that drove him over that edge. That is why, while he’s easy to parry cheese, as a lore figure I can see why he’s one of the most beloved characters of them all. Flames guide you, Lord of Sunlight, too bad the Stu couldn’t learn how much you and he are alike.

The Savior Picked it up and fed his gauntlets for the last time even all of his regular souls. He stood near the unlit bonfire and turned away from it. He closed his eyes and spread his arms into the air slowly. His eyes shot open as well as his mouth. Light beamed out of his eyes, mouth, and hands as smoke also rose from every part of his body.

Light enveloped the entire sky. As it did the Saviors friends and lovers ran for him. They made it to where the bonfire room was to find him still standing with light souring out of his face and hands. They all could just watch what was happening. He started to shake at first but the light kept up. Then blood began to slowly trickle down his eyes and mouth and still the light capt coming. The pale sister could see this and knew he was in pain, so she began to cry for him. Then blood was pouring down, heavy. It was evident now that he may well die.

Oh shit, Savior Stu is making the same dramatic sacrifice as Gwyn, better find some fitting music!

Abrelepine: I’m in love with your time period’s music.

The Pale sister was weeping now as was Qualaag and Priscilla. But the last thing they saw was the most horrifying thing they ever witnessed. Their Savior, who selflessly helped each one of them, the man they all respected and loved, caught on fire before them.

The Pale sister tried to run for him screaming, “NOOOOOO! PLEASE! I LOVE YOU! PLEASE DON’T DIE!” But Priscilla and Qualaag grabbed her, still weeping their selves, but understanding that this is what he would want. They just cried and watched, that was all they could do. The light kept shining even brighter. The ash was swept off of the landscape around them, the melted bits where repaired, and even the ruins everywhere else in the world where repaired to normal. New Londo was a kingdom once again.

I guess that answers weather or not Savior Stu has time travel powers.

Pontiff Sulyvahn: Amusingly enough, thus far it’s been shown the more power he attains the less damage he inflicts on himself. If that is the case, shouldn’t he be ascending to a higher plane of existence and be very much alive?

Abrelepine: But Trajik!

The light stopped and the fire went out. Finally they let go of the pale sister, who ran to the Savior with all of her soul with tears still running down her red face. She reached out to grab him one last time, to hold her love and savior in her arms one last time. But as soon as she touched him, he turned to ash. His entire body, gauntlets and all where a pile of unrecognizable ash. All of them shed a tear or two for him and his loss, then eventually left to return to their affairs.

“I don’t know about you, but I work a 9-5 shift and the wife is gunna fawkin kill me if I get my hours slashed again.”

Abrelepine: “Same, I gotta’ meth lab to operate.”

Pontiff Sulyvahn: “I guess we’ll send the dame a card or something.”

Chapter 19 Climax

The Qualaag sisters and Priscilla each birthed a son.

 

They became the main kings of the world that was saved by a nameless man whom fought hard and went through everything to do so. They told the world of their father’s victories based on the info provided by their mothers.

Pontiff Sulyvahn: “Now bow before your god or face the wrath of the Three Kings!”

Abrelepine: “Right after the Civil War with the Four Kings runs its course. Who would’ve thunk that restoring the humanity of the four most powerful Darkwraiths, reviving their Kingdom, leaving the Abyss open, and letting Kaathe teach Lifedrain was a bad idea?”

[/quote]The world went on for a long time untouched by darkness in a brief age of prosperity and hope. But soon a new threat surfaced from a distant land. Not demons, or a curse, or even a great magic. It was an invasion of giants from a far off land. The three sons of the Savior fought them off and eventually this led to the world known in Dark Souls II.

Abrelepine: Hosen, are you going mad again?

No. No, I’m fine. More than fine, I’m awesome.

Pontiff Sulyvahn: What are you getting that?

Don’t you see? Bubbersgod skipped the DLC. He never played it or worked it into the story. Think about it…

Pontiff Sulyvahn: Oh, Oh *sinister creepy laugh*

Abrelepine: I’m lost.

Let me explain. I’ve been talking all about Manus and the Abyss, because they’re so important. I also keep referencing “humanity”. “Humanity” is a human soul, it’s what makes a human, human. Every humanity originated from the Dark Soul, from Manus.

The Abyss is essentially an amorphous mass of trillions of endlessly replicating humanities that exist only to spread and consume. The Abyss devours light and souls to grow stronger, mutating humans and eroding everything else. It’s unstoppable but it still needs a heart, an engine to drive it or it loses the energy to replicate and grow, causing it to slowly dissipate. Manus was that heart, the keeper of the Dark Soul, source of all humanity.

In the DLC, Manus drags you back in time, where you kill Artorias. You then go on to destroy Manus and claim the Dark Soul. This creates a stable time loop: the legend of Artorias exists because you went back in time and stopped the world from being destroyed by the Dark Soul in the past.

Well, Savior Stu is dead, which means the timeline has been changed:

Because Savior Stu never went to the past, he never stopped Manus. Because he never stopped Manus, Oolacile was destroyed utterly, and presumably Manus is still alive, and now he has a buffet of light to devour.

Wait… if that’s the case, how has the world not been destroyed by now? I was going to say Epilogue Manus kills everything but… damn, I’m at a loss. Maybe… No… There has to be an explanation that somehow explains all this. Wait. We never did learn what the “Saviors” are. They clearly existed before the Stu to leave all this shit behind, so who were they? Hmmm.

Doesn’t it seem strange that the Savior has so many cursed items? A cursed sword, a cursed ring, a special Dark curse…?

Also, where were the Savior castings? New Londo, Tomb of Giants, Oolacile. Places touched by the Dark. Also, they are all sorcerers, but the Savior is called a necromancer, so likely they are all necromancers… Maybe their “necromancy” was not used to raise the dead like Savior Stu said, maybe it’s all about manipulating souls! Like Logan! All the Savior castings are derived from Logan because he was the foremost authority on soul manipulation, he trained them all! That explains how the gauntlets are able to feed on souls and show sentience, and why only one of the Saviors can use them! The Saviors were masters of Soul manipulation and enchantment.

That is how they can control curses and make them grant bullshit powers. And do you know where one can aquire lots of curses from, using sorcery like the Dark Sigil to artificially enhance Soul Level? The Abyss.

So, a conclusion can be drawn:

“The Saviors” have been holding back the Abyss this entire time, since Manus was too powerful to kill without the Chosen Undead intervening early on. The Abyss corrupted their armor and weapons, though they used their arts to find a way to mitigate the effect, until it became too much and they died out, which is why none of them are around anymore.

If that’s true, the Abyss should have come unsealed, so why not? Hmm,

The sorceries! The Savior’s castings have limited uses, right? Why can’t they be recovered at the bonfire? Well, all Savior’s share a curse…

Abrelepine: Of course, how could I not realize! Their souls are all linked together by the Savior’s curse. They must have made the same covenant my ancestors did to pool their power. The gauntlets were merely a key, a tool for tapping into the well all Savior’s share, even in death. So long as the Savior stayed alive, the seal would remain intact. He could use the pool of soul power for immensely strong sorceries, but each time he did it weakened the seal, which is why they could only be used a few times. The strain of having all their souls must have also compromised his individuality. He didn’t forget his name because he went hollow, he forgot it because he traded his soul away!

That’s why he couldn’t afford to die. Because if he did it would have unleashed Manus. This entire time, from the very beginning, it was all according to plan. He must have discovered a relic of the Saviors; they told him they were the protectors of the world, defending it from the Abyss from the shadows, but their power was eroding away. They needed a host to focus their hive mind into, so they could gather souls to recover their strength.

The Savior knew it would be dangerous, so he prepared Firelink Shrine for the day he would come back, and went to the Saviors long before the story began. He received the curse in order to use their power, coming back to Lordran. He skipped Firelink because he already knew that Frampt couldn’t help him. He went right for the bells, harvesting souls along the way. All his powers were, in fact, the combined effort of hundreds of master sorcerers, all trying to test the limits of their strength, because the Dark was coming and they knew they needed to be ready.

Pontiff Sulyvahn: That must have been the cause of his raging libido. The Saviors overwrote his will, and desired more of their number, so even if the Savior died, his children could inherit some of his power and leave a legacy for them. He was likely completely unaware of it.

That’s how they were able to magically seduce everyone as well. The Saviors were able to use subconscious, extremely powerful hypnosis transmitted through their souls to make everyone cater to Savior Stu. All in the name of their hidden agenda.

With the legacy secure, he used all the castings on Gwyn, gambling the seal on the Abyss to take out the Dark for good. However, it would be impossible to erase all Dark since humanity is required for humans to live, thus the Dark Soul must be intact inside Manus.

Pontiff Sulyvahn: And with the last Savior fallen, and all casts used, Manus would be weak but the seal is no more. That’s why Kaathe didn’t appear, and allowed the Four Kings out of the Abyss, he wanted the Four Kings to witness the Savior’s death so Kaathe would know to awaken Manus.

The Savior thought he had the kings under control, and that Manus would lay dormant forever after sponging up all the humanities, but that’s because the Saviors were unaware of the primordial serpent, Darkstalker Kaathe. They thought they had it all figured out, but that one small oversight cost them dearly. Kaathe had everything planned from the very beginning as well.

So, by Dark Souls 2, rather than the Abyss being faded, it would be more powerful than ever. Manus, alongside all his Daughters and having a matured Dark Soul, would be invincible, especially with the greatest enemies of the Abyss disposed of. In summary, the shitty little utopia the Savior built is doomed. DOOOOOOMED.

Pontiff Sulyvahn: By the gods… and here I thought this story was rambling nonsense. In reality, it was simply too intelligent for us to grasp. This is not one of the worst Dark Souls FanFictions, but it was really all along the best.

Never have I seen a work with such subtle, intricate foreshadowing. The signs were there all along, no fic has ever truly encapsulated the minimalist storytelling of Souls in this way. My writing absolutely pales in comparison. Sorry Patrons, I accidently made a dumb and brought a Goodfic into the Library. I’m sorry.

I’m never gonna write again.

I let ya’ll down.

I’m gunna run around and desert you.

…

….

…

https://67.media.tumblr.com/2066c0aa69cca23b70b333f52cd4ac0c/tumblr_inline_nnbkq0IY5G1s3vxgv_500.gif

Pontiff Sulyvahn: I feel filthy uttering that.

No shit. That was what, three minutes to take all the insane bullshit and make it sound legitimately epic and convincing using actual canon knowledge? Creativity isn’t fucking rocket science. All you have to do is pretend you give a shit, think through and explain your bullshit plot, and actually take your motherfucking time to develop a tone for your writing rather than meandering through line after line of beige grammatical trainwreck. Anything, no matter how asinine, can be pitched as something brilliant with just a little effort and intelligence.

Abrelepine: Careful. For a moment you had me believing this was a good fic.

Authors Final Note

I hope you all enjoyed this. I know it seemed a little rushed but I do not have much time to work on my stories. I hope to hear some comments about this as I have yet to receive a single review. I live on reviews so please do leave some. Just don’t flame me, be more constructive with your feed back.

Oh? Feedback you say. You want my feedback.

-Abrelepine and Sulyvahn step back and grab the buttery popcorn as Hosen rises from his seat, clears his throat, takes a gulp of coffee, and gets loose-

Okay.

I’ve seen every shade of badfic under the dying sun on the Dark Souls side of FanFiction. I’ve seen rape fics, troll fics, monster rape troll fics, porn that I cannot even begin to describe, and some shitty, shitty badfic of simply subpar quality and I have to say that this fucking piece of shit fic without a doubt or hyperbole is THE WORST OF THEM ALL!

The grammar, sentence structure, and spelling are fucking abysmally bad through the entire thing and there is barely any goddamn content as the fic takes place in a void populated by one-dimensional cardboard cutouts and it utterly cuts away and strips down everything Dark Souls to bare fucking basics as you took a chainsaw to numerous standout moments in the Game!

Even judging it as an original work rather than fanfic, it has barely any plot, barely any characterization, and no description to anything!

Your main protag is a Gary Stu of unbe-fucking-lieveably epic proportions and is so laden with overpowered fucking bullshit out of nowhere that the only thing more offensive than the shit he does is the shit he DOESN’T do for no discernable reason. He’s also a sexist horndog pig that is a perfect example of how not to treat a woman and your pregnancy fixation isn’t endearing its creepy and infuriating especially when you use it as a plot device to justify more sex!

You also made the fic worse with time as you tried to “develop” it and “fix” your prior mistakes like making Savior Stu a borderline rapist and utterly failed miserably at it. Your grasp of the lore is so fucking laughable the “stories” you stuffed in at the end to make it more “deep” only succeeded in making me MORE FUCKING ANGRY!

Your fic is the kind of offensively bad that should be studied as a lesson in how NOT to write fiction because for something so bare bones your every fucking word was either a contradiction of established lore or a plot point so goddamn asinine it wouldn’t have worked NO MATTER WHAT FICTION YOU PUT IT IN!

This is BAD. Irredeemably bad. No number of revisions could possibly fucking salvage this travesty of concentrated bullshit. Tyra Gilesbie’s beta reader would tell you this piece of shit is unpublishable in its present state and any future state as there is nothing, NOTHING, NOTHING to love about this fic.

I give it a 2/100. It was a miserable infuriating chore to deal with and the only thing that made it remotely entertaining was taking a sledgehammer to it and seeing the moments it was so bad it curved back on itself and became hilarious for ironic reasons!

-the dust settles, Hosen glowing eyes of doom and lightning aura dissipating as the Abrelepine and Sulyvahn clap lightly in the background-

We are done! At long last, this fucker is dead and fucking buried. Sorry Patrons, but our time has expired. Vereor Nox! And thank you, Librarians, for giving me this opportunity to talk about how much I love Dark Souls. I hope all of you learned a thing or two about Dark Souls and enjoyed this wild ride start to finish.

As for you bubbersgod, I sent a third party associate to deal with you. You know nothing about Dark Souls, but you should recognize him from the ten minutes you spent playing:

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