1688: Panic! In the Host Club – Chapter 1

 

 

Title: Panic! In the Host Club
Author: crossover king
Media: Anime/Manga
Topic: Ouran High School Host Club/Full Metal Panic!
Genre: Humor/Drama
URL Chapter 1
Critiqued by Ghostcat

 

 

 

Hello, dear Patrons!

I’m here with a very short three-chapter fic that is a crossover (because I loves me some crossovers) between a source material I’ve covered before – Ouran High School Host Club – and a new source material that we haven’t featured in the Library before – Full Metal Panic! – so I’m only going to give a synopsis for FMP!.

:cracks knuckles:

Prepare yourselves for a SC-style infodump, Patrons!

The series follows Sousuke Sagara, a teen-aged former child soldier recruited by a private military organization called MITHRIL. Sousuke’s behaviour is extremely regimented at times and he’s what might charitably be called a bit of a stoic.

sousuke-gun

This is his happy face. Also his sad face. Pretty much his only face.

He’s the pilot of a large battle mecha known as an ArmSlave.

arbalest

This one is his, it is called Arbalest.

While Sousuke is a very efficient soldier, having lived with various military organisations since he was eight means he doesn’t do very well in social situations and that he has no idea how to be a regular teen-aged boy.

sousuke-canteen

This is technically true, but that’s not the item’s intended use.

This becomes a problem when, due to his young age and Japanese ancestry, he is assigned to infiltrate a Japanese high school in order to secretly protect a young woman named Kaname Chidori.

Hell-ooo, Kaname! :whistles:

Kaname is what is referred to as a Whispered; she has the ability to fall into a trance-like state that enables her to intuitively understand the inner workings of advanced machinery called Black Technology. (For example, the ArmSlaves are the products of the Whispered.) The Whispered, because of their very unique abilities, are considered valuable resources by paramilitary groups and terrorist organizations. (This doesn’t end well for the Whispered, who are usually drugged and tortured by the less scrupulous factions.) MITHRIL is at first unsure if Kaname is one of the Whispered, so Sousuke is sent in covertly to prevent other organizations from kidnapping this defenseless girl – but Kaname is not exactly as defenseless as she seems. At the end of their first day of school together, Kaname leaves the battle-hardened sergeant handcuffed to a folding chair. (Sousuke notes that she attached the cuffs with the keyhole pointing towards his elbow, making it difficult for him to reach the lock to pick it, and calls her a “resourceful girl”. He also says it was difficult to purchase a train ticket while handcuffed to a chair, which I imagine is true.) Of course, Kaname isn’t aware at that time that he is a real soldier, as everyone assumes the weapons he has in his school bag are just toys that he likes to carry around because he’s a military otaku.

The two are superficially nothing alike – Sousuke is reserved while Kaname is almost aggressively vivacious – but they are oddly similar in that they both have very protective natures (Like the way Sousuke wants to protect Kaname from outside threats while Kaname wants to protect Sousuke from being a socially inept idiot). They do develop deep feelings for each other, but it is developed very slowly over the course of the series rather than just shoving the two together after a perfunctory character introduction. That’s one of the good things about the series; even though there are giant battling mecha, it still takes the time to develop the characters instead of focusing on the robots beating each other up. It’s one of my absolute favorites, and much love to Taco for recommending it to me.

There are actually three series; Full Metal Panic!Full Metal Panic: Fumofu, and Full Metal Panic: The Second Raid. The first and the third are quite serious at times, with the third being a continuation of the first, while Fumofu is much more light-hearted and fluffy with little connection to the other two series. Fumofu is actually similar in tone to OHSHC, but the summary for the fic does not indicate which version is going to be used;

Kaname has been invited to be accepted to Ouran, the prestigious school for the rich and famous. Of course Sousuke goes too. Showing how far he is willing to go to protect Kaname Tamaki invites him to the host club

Rather than trying to smash the two together and attempting to reconcile the differences, it would seem the author is transporting Kaname and Sousuke to Ouran and focusing mainly on that setting, which sounds almost … sensible. Only time will tell, though.

The first chapter is title “Prolouge”, but I won’t go into yet another rant about the difference between first chapters and prologues. To the fic!

Its been awile since I last updated any fics.

…I mean, to the Author’s Note!

To tell you the truth its because of alot of things. I had more than 10 new games including Assassins Creed 2, gone through several free to play MMO’s watched a crapload of anime, and my computer crashed and I didn’t have it or internet access for close to two weeks.

:headdesk:

Not to be mean, but I. DON’T. CARE!

This fic is not a blog entry! If you want to give your audience personal information and updates, then put it in your bio. That way you can update it as your situation changes. I mean, It’s been SEVEN YEARS since this fic was last updated – that’s like, a dozen Assassin’s Creed games (and almost one movie) or something.

I’m still not getting the creative edge but I felt like doing this for fun.

Well. That’s certainly a good sign, isn’t it?

“Speaking”

“thinking”

…Is that a key for the fic? Am I going to need to know the difference between a character talking and a character thinking? Because that’s something that should be easy to determine through the context.

NOW LETS GOOO!!!!

Hey – I’m waiting for you, dude.

“You are moving?” Sousuke said turning to Kaname.

“Yup I’m leaving in about a week.” Kaname said.

Kaname had been accepted at a predigious school called “Ouran” which was mostly for the rich and famous of Japan.

…Oh-kay. If that’s really all the back story the audience is going to get, why not just start with Kaname going to Ouran? Why bother starting the fic a week out from when she goes? Is the audience going to have to follow her around while she tells everyone she’s leaving?

“Hmm.” Sousuke let out.

Hey! Reign in those emotions, fella.

“Oh, Kaname I’m going to miss you!” Kyoko said holding Kaname in a tight bear hug.

Kyoko is Kaname’s closest friend; she’s very bubbly and likes taking pictures of literally everything with a tiny camera. Since the author doesn’t seem inclined to describe characters beyond their canon names, this is what she looks like;

:click!:

“Hey we’re gonna still stay friends aren’t we?” Kaname said smiling.

Kyoko sniffed a bit but was smiling.

Ummm, Kaname isn’t dying; she’s just transferring to a new school. Since most anime take place in a Tokyo-like setting, Kaname probably isn’t going to be that far away.

Kaname gave everyone a smile as they told her how much they were going to miss her, all except Sousuke.

Kyoko saw this and was less than happy.

“Souske aren’t you sad?” She glared at him.

No, Sousuke doesn’t really do “sad”, the best you can get from him would be mild apprehension, but you’d probably first have to threaten his Miss Chidori with physical violence. (And survive her reaction.)

“I do not see why, considering I will be going to the same school.” Sousuke said going back to reading his war book.

Which “war book”? There are likely millions of books that deal with the subject of war (or just have “war” in the title.)

Kyoko was confused “But your test scores aren’t that good.”

That would only matter if he were trying for a scholarship; Ouran also excepts students simply because they are rich enough to pay the entrance fees.

In fact Sousuke was just above failing, except in P.E. where he excelled.

It’s true he doesn’t do well in some subjects since his prior learning had a very limited scope of subjects and he tends to be very literal-minded (he’s terrible at interpreting poetry) but there should be something, like math, that he’s decent at.

Sousuke didn’t reply.

What a surprise.

A Week later

:headdesk:

Let me guess – that entire scene was completely pointless? I guess it was technically a prologue, though.

A blue haired girl in a yellow dress appeared at the school gates

AHHHHHH!!!!!! EVIL SPIRIT! :throws salt at fic: MAKE IT GO AWAY!

“So this is the predigious Ouran Academy.” Kaname said looking around and sighed “It’s going to be real different without my friends or Sousuke.”

Is she the girl in the yellow dress? The girls’ uniform at Ouran is yellow, but there’s so much Void in here I can’t tell where we are or what’s going on.

“You called Miss Chidori?” A familiar voice said from behind her.

Slendpai? Kyoko?

Kaname jumped around and saw Sousuke in a black school uniform.

Is he visiting her? The Ouran boys’ uniform has a powder blue jacket, not a black one.

“Sousuke what the hell are you doing here!” Kaname yelled taking out her paper fan and wacking Sousuke with it.

That is kind of her thing – especially in Fumofu – but where was she hiding a giant paper fan?

“I have been transferred to this school in order to protect you Miss Chidori.” Sousuke said monotone as always.

I know he usually speaks in a monotone, but why wasn’t that addressed when he spoke in the previous scene?

“How did you, never mind Mithril right? Well fine whats your class?”

Non-commissioned officer, I think.

“Class 2-A.” Sousuke said.

‘Wait isn’t that my…’ Kaname simply let the matter go.

“Fine just, don’t be so high strung.”

“I will work on that ma’am.” Sousuke said standing straight.

Hey, show a little more gratitude! Kaname has magnanimously allowed you to be in the class you’ve been previously assigned to. One word from her and you’ll be tossed in with those eraser-clappers in Class 2-E.

Kaname sighed “Come on lets go before class starts.”

In a couple of minutes they came to their class room.

:stares into the Void:

I’ll take your word for it.

“Well this is it Sousuke.” Kaname said looking at the door.

“Indeed Ma’am.” Sousuke confirmed.

“So…. We’re in a school.”

“It would appear so.”

“That’s … good.”

“Yes.”

“Jeesh your so uptight.

His what is so what?

Well here it goes.” Kaname opened the door.

In the classroom there was quite a few people.

All squashed together in a convenient Character Blob made of Void.

Most of the guys were either chatting with each other, playing games, or simply waiting.

Wow. It’s like I’m really there.

The girls were all crowded around either a rather pretty, ‘scratch that’, Kaname noticed, ‘he was downright handsom’ boy with blond hair who was smiling at them, or another handsom boy with black hair and glasses who was writing in a journal.

I assume that’s supposed to be Tamaki-senpai and Kyoya-senpai, but it could really be any blond male character or dark-haired male character with bad eyesight. Just in anime and manga that would be at least eighty percent of the male characters, if not more.

The blond one saw the two came in and stars filled his eyes.

I assume that’s literally happening? This is anime-based, after all.

“Excuse me my princesses I believe we have two new classmates.” the blond said smiling at them as he started standing.

This drew the attention of everyone.

Probably because Tamaki-senpai doesn’t usually show that kind of attention to boys. At least, not outside certain fanfics.

Kaname froze “Uh…”

:thumbs-up: Smooooth.

The blond smiled at her “Please don’t be nervous I am Tamaki. I am from the illustrious host…” He was stopped because he had touched Kaname’s shoulder one moment and found himself in an arm lock by Sousuke who had a gun to his head.

Frickin’ how? Tamaki-senpai was just starting to stand when he began to speak; he never left his desk so he shouldn’t have been able to touch Kaname – never mind getting put into an arm-lock.

“Sousuke what are you doing!?” Kaname shouted as everyone except the dark haired boy looked on stunned.

He’s over-reacting. It’s kind of his thing. You really should be used to it happening by now. Usually you just whack him upside the head.

“He touched your shoulder Ma’am, this was obviously a hostile action on his part.” Sousuke said.

“You idiot he was being friendly!” Kaname shouted bashing Sousuke upside the head and making him release Tamaki.

Yeah, like that.

“Hey! How dare you attack Tamaki!” A girl shouted.

“Yeah he is…he is…whoa.” The other girl was distracted as Sousuke turned to them.

Wait, what?

“He…he’s gorgious!” the first girl shouted.

“I love his eyes.” Another girl said.

“Girl forget his eyes look at his body!” said another.

…What is going on?

Sousuke started to sweat ‘Their looks, they look like Gauron.”

Woah, now. That’s completely inappropriate for a school setting.

Gauron is this guy;

And that’s how he looks at Sousuke. If the girls are giving Sousuke a look like that, he needs to run like hell.

Gauron’s a whack-ass mercenary from Sousuke’s past who has a fanboy-like obsession with Sousuke (whom he calls Kashim) supposedly because he wants to be the one to kill Sousuke. There’s some very unsubtle homoerotic subtexts present in Gauron’s interactions involving Sousuke, even the battles between their mechas are a bit … odd. There’s a LOT of fanfics featuring a relationship between the two.

“You.” Tamaki said standing up his hair obscuring his eyes “You grabbed me, twisted my arm, and held a gun to my head.”

“That is correct.” Sousuke said.

Gold star for you, Tamaki-senpai.

Kaname smacked him “Don’t say it so proudly!”

Did he? I thought he said everything in a monotone.

“And you did it for this girl’s protection?” Tamaki said his voice a low growl.

“That is also correct.” Sousuke said looking straight forward.

Even though there was no indication of danger, or even movement, before Sousuke grabbed Tamaki-senpai.

Tamaki started to tremble then “You are a true man amongst men!” Tamaki looked up with new respect in his eyes.

Ummm … What?

“Wha?” Was on the face of everyone present.

Yeah, what the Character Blob’s collective face just said.

“You were willing to risk everything for the sake of a girl, I have not seen that much spirit in a long while, I am Tamaki Suoh at your service.” Tamaki said bowing.

He grabbed you and held you at gunpoint – at what point was Sousuke putting anything at risk? He’s the only one armed!

“Seargent Sousuke Sagara, Sir.” Sousuke snapped to attention.

“You also look like the type of man for my organization.” Tamaki said appraising him

Why, because there are a couple of girls giving him creepy and somewhat pedophile-esque looks? Is that really the atmosphere you want to promote in your extremely stylized boy-brothel?

The black haired boy froze “Tamaki, your not going to…”

Oh, Kyoya-senpai. You should know that Tamaki-senpai definitely will be going to.

Tamaki turned to him “Yes Kyouya I am, Sousuke Sagara I wish to invite you to Ouran’s prestigious High School Host Club.”

Like, on a date? Is this going to be one of those fics?

“Wait what?” Kaname asked.

Hey; if you liked it you should have put a ring on it.

“I Sousuke Sagara accept your proposal Suoh-san.” Sousuke said snapping to attention.”

I’m fairly certain Sousuke doesn’t understand what’s going on, both because of the vague way the scene is written and because he does not understand most normal social cues – Tamaki-senpia’s exaggerated mannerisms might as well be an alien language to him.

And, because fanfic, there’s a closing Author’s Note.

BEHOLD! THE UNHOLY UNION OF MY MINDS WORK.

This is why punctuation is so important; it’s the difference between the possessive tense and have multiple (possibly possessed) brains inside your skull.

So ya this story is going to be less story guided as my others, its going to be like a single plot for like every chapter or two.

I’ll update it if I just feel like having fun.

Peace out.

I assume that means there’s going to be even more nothing in the future chapters, but does that mean each chapter is going to be treated as a stand-alone work that is completely unconnected to the other chapters? I guess I have to wait until the next chapter to find out.

 

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59 Comments on “1688: Panic! In the Host Club – Chapter 1”

  1. BatJamags says:

    “Well this is it Sousuke.” Kaname said looking at the door.

    “Indeed Ma’am.” Sousuke confirmed.

    Thrills. Action. Excitemdeuhuhjgduahnguukhf

    Sorry, fell asleep for a moment there.

  2. SC says:

    I mean, It’s been SEVEN YEARS since this fic was last updated – that’s like, a dozen Assassin’s Creed games (and almost one movie) or something.

    Hmm, nope.

    In order, the AC games that have been produced over the last seven years have been:

    Assassin’s Creed: Brotherhood, Assassin’s Creed: Revelations, Assassin’s Creed 3, Assassin’s Creed: Liberation, Assassin’s Creed 4: Black Flag, Assassin’s Creed: Unity, Assassin’s Creed: Rogue, and Assassin’s Creed: Syndicate. Eight games.

    This is because, waaay back at the release of the original Assassin’s Creed, Ubisoft invoked a personal challenge to themselves: Produce a new Assassin’s Creed game EVERY. YEAR. 2016 is the only year that’s been skipped so far, because they’re staging the next game in Egypt and it’s apparently a bigger project than the last have been.

    Also, sadly, the movie happened.

  3. SC says:

    To tell you the truth its because of alot of things. I had more than 10 new games including Assassins Creed 2, gone through several free to play MMO’s watched a crapload of anime, and my computer crashed and I didn’t have it or internet access for close to two weeks.

    You were watching a crapload of anime and playing several FTP MMOs, presumably using the same computer. Of course the poor thing’s gonna crash, you fuckwit. My laptop can barely handle SWTOR on its own.

    • GhostCat says:

      I’ve got a relatively robust desktop and even it gets laggy as hell at times.

      • SC says:

        MMOs are fucking enormous games that take up a good deal of your computer’s hardware in order to run, which is why PCs that can run like, twelve MMOs usually look like they came from a Tron movie – the guys who own them had to upgrade the ever-loving shit out of it. Plus, due to having to watch some anime I enjoy online, I can tell you that there’s practically NO good, stable website to use that doesn’t jack up the lag time on you or require you to pay to use it. It could just be that I’m not looking hard enough, I don’t know.

        In short, the guy pretty well melted his laptop, I’m thinking.

        • GhostCat says:

          My new baby has a touch of the Tron in her; I went with a custom builder so I have a nice sleek case with a clear polycarbonate side panel and I got them to swap out the red case fans for blue ones and beefed up the heatsinks and RAM – no liquid-cooling, though. It still seems absurdly sci-fi-ish that not only are liquid-cooled computers readily available for home use (and come in a variety of colors and styles) but that the machines are primarily used for entertainment purposes.

      • SC says:

        Yeah, PC entertainment is srs bsns.

        Like, more srs than I care to invest in.

        • GhostCat says:

          I wasn’t going to get a gaming computer, because I’ve never been a big gamer, but I really, really, really, REALLY want a HTC Vive and the system requirements are similar to a mid-level gaming PC. Of course, once I got it Steam was having their big holiday sale and, well, …

      • SC says:

        Welcome to gaming, y’idiot! :D

  4. SC says:

    Gauron’s a whack-ass mercenary from Sousuke’s past who has a fanboy-like obsession with Sousuke

    Creed Diskenth, is that you?

  5. SC says:

    Since most anime take place in a Tokyo-like setting, Kaname probably isn’t going to be that far away.

    “Oh, you know, it’s right down the street from Madoka’s old school, nearby where that one assassin school with the weird teacher is. And that creepy school that looks like a prison run by dominatrixes that nobody talks about in polite company. Actually, it’s in the same block as Nanoha’s old school. Whatever happened to her, I wonder?”

    • GhostCat says:

      Fictional Tokyo must be the weirdest place to live; I bet there’s a Danger Report every morning along with the weather report – “Today will be warm and sunny with a moderate breeze, with a twenty-five percent chance of magical girls by evening.”

      • SC says:

        “Residents are asked to stay off the streets at night due to threat of ninjas and assassins, and are cautioned to prepare evacuation supplies in case of mecha or kaiju battles.”

        • GhostCat says:

          There’s an obscure anime called Dai-Guard that features a giant battle mecha that was built to defend against these giant space monsters – only the giant space monsters disappeared after one fight so the mecha was purchased by an insurance company to be used as a corporate mascot. Fast-forward a few decades and the space monsters return. The young hero epically pilots the mecha to defeat the space monsters, only to have the Board of Directors flip their shit at the damage he causes. The Board is constantly bitching; “No, you can’t throw an oil tanker at the monster! Use the cars, they have a lower deductible! Don’t push the monster into that building, push it into the other one – it’s insured by our competitor!” and so on.

      • BatJamags says:

        “Also, somebody pissed off Godzilla again.”

      • SC says:

        That sounds incredible.

        Also sounds a bit like No More Heroes, which is also incredible.

  6. SC says:

    A blue haired girl in a yellow dress appeared at the school gates

    AHHHHHH!!!!!! EVIL SPIRIT! :throws salt at fic: MAKE IT GO AWAY!

    *SC sighs and hefts a massive book onto the desk*

    Okay, what section of Demonology does THIS fall under…?

  7. SC says:

    “Girl forget his eyes look at his body!” said another.

    No female character in an anime is ever going to be caught dead talking like this outside of an English dub.

  8. AdmiralSakai says:

    “He touched your shoulder Ma’am, this was obviously a hostile action on his part.” Sousuke said.

    Yes, but does it provoke an attack of opportunity?

    • GhostCat says:

      Dammit, does that mean everyone in the Library is going to have to roll for initiative?

      :drags large bucket into Library:

      I’ve only got the one bucket of dice, so the minions and interns are going to have to take turns.

      • SC says:

        *rolls*

        …Well I’m immediately dubious about my odds.

      • agigabyte says:

        *Cain rolls a Nat20 with a Retconned-in die*

        *Dakota rolls a Nat20 on his die roller*

        *agig rolls a Nat1 from the bucket*

        agig: You two are cheating!

        *Agent [CLASSIFIED] beats up her die until it rolls a Nat20*

        Cain: Now for the hard part.

        *Cain begins calculating the initiative bonuses and penalties*

        *Dakota does the same*

        agig: We’ll be here for a while.

      • BatJamags says:

        I rolled a 13, but I’ve got, like -5 DEX, so it didn’t do me any good.

      • agigabyte says:

        Cain: Okay, we’ve determined that thanks to Agent [UNDETECTABLE]’s Distracting Double-Reverse-Ception Ambush feat, we get an additional chance to reroll all our initiatives if we want. This applies to all friendlies. In addition, my Retcon Like A Cheating Bastard unique feat allows me to change all rolls I wish to if I succeed a DC 50 Charisma Check against the narrative.

        *Cain Rolls*

        Cain: Nevermind.

      • BatJamags says:

        Also, I’m pretty sure I was rolling a d12.

        Not sure how I rolled a natural 13 with that, but I’m just going to say that a minion did it and move on.

      • SC says:

        Contacts: Shaved dice, hooo!

        *Rolls a 1*

        Contacts: Shaved dice, nooo!

  9. “You idiot he was being friendly!” Kaname shouted bashing Sousuke upside the head and making him release Tamaki.

    Word of advice, don’t just walk up and clobber the guy holding a gun to someone else’s head. That’s a damn good way for your buddy to get shot.

  10. AdmiralSakai says:

    So ya this story is going to be less story guided as my others

    We can tell.

  11. Delta XIII says:

    Wow. It’s like I’m really there.

    Much detail. So immersion.

  12. DasCheesenBorgir says:

    The series follows Sousuke Sagara, a teen-aged former child soldier recruited by a private military organization called MITHRIL. Sousuke’s behaviour is extremely regimented at times and he’s what might charitably be called a bit of a stoic.

    I never would’ve guessed that, might actually have to look into this now lol

    • DasCheesenBorgir says:

      He’s the pilot of a large battle mecha

      • DasCheesenBorgir says:

        At the end of their first day of school together, Kaname leaves the battle-hardened sergeant handcuffed to a folding chair

        The two are superficially nothing alike – Sousuke is reserved while Kaname is almost aggressively vivacious – but they are oddly similar in that they both have very protective natures

        They do develop deep feelings for each other, but it is developed very slowly over the course of the series rather than just shoving the two together

        giant battling mecha

        still takes the time to develop the characters

      • SC says:

        This has been a summary of Full Metal Panic, as told by Armstrong and Armstrong.


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