1655: SONIC HIGH SCHOOL – Chapter Eight

Author: DarkDoomFireMaster
Media:  Video Game
Topic: Sonic the Hedgehog
Genre: Drama/Romance
URL: Chapter Eight
Critiqued by Lyle and Koori

Warning?  There’s some talk of abortion in this one, although it’s pretty stupidly handled by DarkDoomFireMaster (surprise, surprise)  It’s pretty mild but if you’re sensitive, feel free to skip it.

No Dennis today?

Koori: He had some things he said he needed to take care of at the DRD in order to transfer over to the Library.  He’s planning on telling them that he’s going to infiltrate us or something.

Gotcha.  That gives us some time to set up some classes to break his redundancy habit.  We can work on that when we’re done with today.  Would you care to do our recap?

Koori:  Sure.  In the last chapter, Espio told everyone at school that he and Rouge had sex – if you could call what they did sex – but then told everyone it was a secret and to not tell anyone else.  Sonic couldn’t find Amy at school so he went to her house to look for her.  There he found her tied to the bed with an unidentified something stuffed in her mouth.  Turns out she saw Shadow preparing to kill his mother so he tied her up and *gasp* rearranged her bedroom!

That’s not a euphemism, people.  He literally tied her up, messed up her room, and left.

Koori:  The entire part about a murderous Shadow is swept under the rug, however, as Sonic proceeds to get the important answer on whether or not Amy will sex with him.  Amy tells him she needs to think about it and they go back to school, only to find that Rouge is somehow pregnant already to the point of showing.

And with that, let’s get to the next chapter, titled “Things Change.”

“Shadow!” Sonic shouted. It was Shadow, there.

“Surprised to see me?” said Shadow.

“We know what you did to your mother!” screamed Amy like a crazy man. “It was-“

How do they know, exactly?  Neither of you actually went into Shadow’s house, which is right next door to Amy’s, to see if there was a dead body in there.  All you currently have are suspicions.  And if you truly suspect foul play, you need to call the authorities and let them go into the house and see if they find a dead body.

Shadow cut her off and did not let her finish saying the sentence. “You did not see anything! I am Shadow and I know how to commit crimes. You think I have not killed a person before? I have.” Shadow crossed his arms and sneered at Amy looking at her.

And just like that, he’s confessed to murder.

Koori:  In front of at least four other people.

“But, but, I saw you!” then Amy said.

“You saw nothing! I stopped you!” Shadow said.

Yeah, instead of witnessing murder, you became a victim of breaking, entering, and forced imprisonment.  You’ve still witnessed a crime being done by him.  You should have called the cops the moment you were untied.

“It doesn’t matter, you were on your way inside your house to kill your Mom!” said Amy. Amy shook around because she was all nervous and her smaller than Rouge’s but still good boobs wiggled a little and Sonic thought it was cool to see and he wanted to support her.

Yes.  Let us support the walking tits because tits.


Koori:  Should we add that to the counter?

“I did not kill my mom, I was going in to my house to protect her from Dr. EggMan.” Shadow said.

Likely excuse.

Koori:  And hard to believe given that after seeing Amy see him, he tied her up to prevent her from preventing him killing his mom.  Plus, he told everyone at the lunch table the other day that he was planning on going home that night to kill her.

Flimsy excuse is flimsy.

“Ah okay.” said Sonic and Sonic and Espio went to class because it started and they are still in the high school hallway.

And everyone just sort of believes him over the girl that saw it happen.  Hit the buzzer, Intern.

Koori;  Yes ma’am!  *smack*

Troll be a Misogynistic Bigot: 10

“He was trying to ship my Ultra Chaos Emerald shards to space so he could collect them in his Egg Space Station,” said Shadow to Amy in an explaining way.

“We gotta do something about him… I understand that you had a reason to tie me up, but do not kill your mother.” responded Amy.

What?  No!  There was no reason to tie her up and mess up her bedroom!  If he was trying to protect his mother from Eggman, he could have asked her to help.  Instead he took precious time to tie her up and upend her hamper, and to message Sonic as Amy.

“I was only kidding because the other guys were all being too important about themselves, and I do not think that is a good quality for high school students to be. High school students should be nice and caring and not talk about themselves like they are the best because that will only make us all assholes, which isn’t what we should be trying to be.”

And suddenly, SONIC HIGH SCHOOL turns into a public service announcement.

Shadow said that to Amy and she understood that he was a good guy and had a reason for tying her up on a bed even if he had bad times when he was dark and did crimes in the cityscape. They both went to class in different directions so the conversation ended.

Koori:  What reason could he possibly have had to tie her up and rearrange her sock drawer?

We will probably never know because this incident will never be mentioned again.

Later, after school, Sonic went on Sonic Messager and talked to Espio. “Hey Espio how are u, do you know what ur gonna do about being for Rouge’s baby?” he said into the computer.

“Listen Sonic this is hard for me to say,” said Espio into the computer which went across the internet to Sonic. “I want to get Rouge to get a bortion.”

Okay, brief time-out.  I’m not going to delve into the ethics behind abortions in this.  Everyone has their own opinion and rather than shove mine at you, I’m going to dissect this from a rather detached, logical, and medical level.  Capisce?

Koori:  Ka-who?

Don’t worry about it.  Anyway, if Rouge is only one day pregnant, that wouldn’t be too difficult.  However, it was implied she’s already pregnant enough that it’s starting to show.  At that point, it becomes dangerous and can’t really be done without a medical reason.  And then it would be called an elective termination wherein the mother has to endure a full birth induction.

Sonic was upset because Rouge’s baby would not survive it. In fact, Rouge’s baby would die.

Uhm, yeah.  That’s rather the point, Sonic.

“There has to be another way, Espio,” said Sonic in Sonic Messenger. “But if you really want to do it, that’s okay too because it is your decision.”

Now we’ve entered a very gray zone when it comes to who exactly has the right to terminate a pregnancy.  Ultimately, the mother has the most rights when it comes to this.  If she is married, it becomes more difficult because the husband could attempt to prevent it from happening.  I think there’s less ability to prevent one if you’re not married.  HOWEVER, in this case it isn’t Espio trying to prevent one.  If the mother wishes to keep the baby, no one else can force her to abort, not even the father.

“Good because I want you to help me. I am going to go to Rouge tomorrow at school and slip her the bortion pill in one of her meals. You will help me by distracting her from me,” Said Espio then.

Okay, 1.) Abortion pills do not exist.  Due to the general idea that humans are idiots, when Plan B hit the market, people assumed it could terminate pregnancy.  That is false. Plan B is what’s termed “Emergency Contraception.”  That means that if you take Plan B shortly after having unprotected sex, it will increase the chance of the sperm failing to penetrate the egg’s wall.  If you are already pregnant, Plan B will do nothing.

2.) That’s incredibly illegal, Espio, and you could go to jail for murder if she decides to press charges.

“Okay, c u then,” said Sonic. The next day happened and Sonic was at lunch.

“I won the Science Competition, but you didn’t come, Sonic,” said Tails in a sad mad way. “I wanted you to come because I am such a good friend to you but you did not, but I won anyway without you.” Tails was mad at Sonic which did not usually happen because they were the best friends.

Koori:  Sonic is a horrible friend.  Tails needs to find a new crush.

“Wow, sorry Tails, I was so busy and I did not know,” said Sonic, trying to make Tails happy again.

“Kiss my ass, dick!” screamed Tails to Sonic and flew out of the room with his flying tails.



Koori:  He’s not wrong, you know.

Not at all.

Koori:  Tails is my favorite character in this.

“This is awful,” said Sonic. “He is my best friend.” Sonic knew this was a big problem but changed his mind to thinking about Rouge and Espio and then went over to where Rouge was going to get the bortion pill from Espio.

Yeah, helping your friend try to prevent his girlfriend from having a baby is much more important than chasing down your best friend and making amends.

Vector was there, too, which was weird because he usually was not.


“Okay Espio, are you ready?” said Sonic only to Espio. Espio shook his head yes.

“Hey Rouge, how are you doing today? How was class? Do you have lots of homework? What are you eating for lunch?” Sonic said to Rouge to distract her from Espio. Looks like Sonic did it perfectly because while he was asking these things Espio put the bortion pill in Rouge’s salad. Rouge ate salads because she is thin. Rouge answered the questions but no one was paying attention because they were now glad it was done.

Koori:  How could you not notice a pill in your salad?

The last chapter told us that Rouge had gotten fat due to being pregnant, yet here we’re told she’s skinny.  Consistency?  What’s that?!

“Oh, uh oh, what is this?” said Rouge, suddenly looking like a shocked woman.

“What? What is wrong?” asked Espio. He was worrying that Rouge found the bortion pill in her salad and was looking at it.

“I think I am having my baby, here it comes.” Rouge said this before she could even eat the bortion pill so everyone knew the baby was coming for real.

“Oh no!” said all of them together, but Rouge.

Koori:  That is very fast acting medicine to induce labor within moments of ingestion.

Anyone who has ever been induced is rolling her eyes at this very moment.

Rouge lied down on the ground and they put a curtain around her so no one could really see what was going on because it was gonna be gross.

The hell did they get a curtain?  They’re in the lunch room!  At least go to the nurse’s office!

They could see a baby start to come out of her butt and it was crying a lot.

Uhm… that’s… er… that’s not how that works.  You don’t poop out babies.

Everyone wanted the baby to shut up already because they were just trying to have lunch, but now there is a baby coming out in the lunch room at high school.

That sound about right for teenagers, actually.

Koori:  Hey!

Mrs. Lesson, who was also the school nurse, said “Get out of my way kids, I have to help this baby get out of Rouge. Babies are too weak to do this by themselves.”

Baby’s have nothing to do with the physical mechanics of giving birth!  The mother is the one doing all the fucking work!

Mrs. Lesson went behind the curtain and helped pull the baby out of Rouge’s butt and it was still crying, could you believe it.

Yes.  Being born would be a very shocking experience.  There you are, floating in your warm bath, when suddenly someone pulls the plug and you’re squeezed through a small opening into a cold room full of loud noises and bright light.  I’d cry, too.

Rouge was exhausted from her baby, but Mrs. Lesson was not. Mrs. Lesson held the baby in her hands while it was still crying and held it out to everyone.

“Look at it,” said Mrs. Lesson. Rouge’s baby was red and had long hair and big white fists.

Well, that explains why she looked pregnant already; she was carrying Knuckles’ baby from some previous tryst.  Are we surprised?

Koori:  No.  This sound about right for this fic.  Let’s see… I’m going to guess that her excuse will be that she didn’t know he’d had sex with her because she as asleep at the time and his dick was so tiny it couldn’t be felt.

I’d argue but I could see that happening in this fic. Until next time, patrons!

Koori:  Ta!


9 Comments on “1655: SONIC HIGH SCHOOL – Chapter Eight”

  1. AdmiralSakai says:

    “I was only kidding because the other guys were all being too important about themselves, and I do not think that is a good quality for high school students to be. High school students should be nice and caring and not talk about themselves like they are the best because that will only make us all assholes, which isn’t what we should be trying to be.”

    And suddenly, SONIC HIGH SCHOOL turns into a public service announcement.

    And a really, really shallow public service announcement, at that.

  2. AdmiralSakai says:

    Rouge ate salads because she is thin.

    In other news, correlation does not imply causation.

  3. BatJamags says:

    Mrs. Lesson

    Someone working at a school is named “Mrs. Lesson?” Where’s Mr. Chalkboard and Ms. Lecture?

  4. BatJamags says:

    Babies are too weak to do this by themselves.

    I’m going to go out on a limb here and say that this author has never learned how pregnancy works except in the vaguest of terms. He doesn’t even seem to understand the idea that nine months is longer than two days.

  5. Leider Hosen says:

    Abortion. Okay, you know what. I’m just not going to cause an ado because really, it’s grey and not getting angry over.

    “Good because I want you to help me. I am going to go to Rouge tomorrow at school and slip her the bortion pill in one of her meals. You will help me by distracting her from me,” Said Espio then.

    *illegible growls and spitting as there is too many reasons this is stupid to speak*

  6. Leider Hosen says:

    Do you know what we need for the Sucktastic Awards this year?

    Dumbest Population.

    Not that this gem would have any competition, but you know, there is just so much stupidity perpetrated by so many that I really think it deserves honoring.

  7. Whey says:

    Dammit, I was expecting the kid to be Tails’.

  8. agigabyte says:

    That gives us some time to set up some classes to break his redundancy habit.

    DuFresne: I can help.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.