1648: SONIC HIGH SCHOOL – Chapter Seven

Title: SONIC HIGH SCHOOL
Author: DarkDoomFireMaster
Media:  Video Game
Topic: Sonic the Hedgehog
Genre: Drama/Romance
URL: Chapter Seven
Critiqued by Lyle and Koori and Dennis

Good morning, lovelies!

*glances at the stats list*  Who the fuck is Dennis?

Dennis:  Hi and salutations.  My name is Dennis Dennison.  It’s a pleasure, and I’m happy to be here.

Koori, did you bring the DRD agent that we locked in the closet?!

Koori:  He didn’t want to go back.  With all my increased duties lately, I figured I could use an intern.

Interns don’t have interns!  That would just be redun-

*glances at Dennis, who grins back*

Oh, fine.  Whatever.  Let’s just get the next chapter done, okay?  Anyone want to do the recap?

Dennis:  There was lots of sex happening as two characters had invisible sex without being able to be seen by anybody else.

That’s actually a lot more to the point than I thought a DRD agent would be able to accomplish.  This next chapter is called “Teenage Women.”

Koori:  Sexist Bigot counter on standby!  *sets it on the desk*

“We had front sex.” whispered Espio at the people at his lunch table. Espio was at school in the lunchroom and also was Tails and Knuckles and Charmy Bee and Vector, too. “I ejaculated from my penis and into her body, bet you haven’t done that.” They had not done that.

They haven’t ejaculated into Rouge’s body?

Koori:  My question would be where else would he have ejaculated from?

Dennis:  I do not believe you really want that answered, in my opinion.

“Wow, cool! You are the coolest after Sonic!” said Tails who was right there so he didn’t have to shout. It was good not to shout because this was supposed to be a secret. Tails did not hear the whole school talking about Espio’s penis and balls like with Sonic in chapter 1 but in a different way (sex).

*smacks the fic*  Stop breaking the 4th wall!

Dennis:  They’re not very good at keeping secrets very secretive if they’re talking about it in this discussion.

“Yeah, speaking of Sonic, where is that gay-bag?” said Vector, who was the captain of the school’s FootBall team.

Koori: *taps the buzzer*

Troll be a Misogynistic Bigot: 8

Vector was good at this because he was big and strong and had sharp teeth under his mouth.

Under his mouth.

Koori:  Vector should really go see a doctor; that sounds painful.

“Just kidding,” said Vectors. “Sonic is cool!”

“I don’t know!” said Tails to Vector.

Where Sonic was was somewhere else, trying to find Amy who was not at lunch.

Dennis:  Vague narration is not very clear.

Sonic was knocking on Amy’s door at her house. “Are you home,” said Sonic. “Are you home.” It was like Amy was not home because she was not opening the door. Sonic was worried about Amy because she was his only GirlFriend even if she denied his sex offer, so he ran into the door and barged it down like it was made of nothing.

*Lyle starts grinding her teeth*

Dennis:  That unpleasant noise is very unpleasant.

Koori:  Miss Lyle gets very upset over issues of consent and objectification.

Dennis:  As well she should, as well.

Sonic was now in Amy’s house. Amy’s house was really pink because that was Amy’s color. Sonic looked around Amy’s house for Amy but Sonic could not find anyone. Sonic finally went to Amy’s bedroom and opened the door up.

Invasion of privacy?  That’s that?

What Sonic saw next was what he did not expect. Amy was there tied up on her bed with a thing in her mouth so she couldn’t talk. Sonic did a scream and ran over to Amy who was looking at his with tears in her eyes. She looked sad and starved like African kids.

Wow, really?  As offensive as the African kids comment, she would have only been there for a day.  I’m sorry, but no one will waste away in a single day.

Sonic united Amy and she sat up and cried into Sonic’s arms.

“It was awful!” said Amy. “He came into my room in the evening and tied me up on this bed and messed up the things in my room!” Amy was right, her room looked messy.

*snort-giggle*  He messed up her room.  The travesty!

Dennis:  I was expecting more with my expectations.

Koori:  Does it get annoying having to talk like that?

Dennis:  I don’t have any idea, nor do I know, what that question means when you asked that question.

Wait, the redundancies in how you talk aren’t on purpose?

Dennis:  I still haven’t the slightest clue or idea about the meaning of what you mean.

Never mind.

“So get a maid,” said Sonic, always thinking about a solution to problems.

*headdesk*

Dennis: That looked painful and like it hurt.

“Who tied you up, who was it? Be calm Amy, calm down and talk to me.” Sonic patted Amy on the back to help her.

“It was Shadow! I saw him outside his house next door with a machine gun and a sword going in his house to kill his mom, and he saw me! He knew I saw him so he tied me up like a brigand!” Amy said all of this. Sonic was shocked that Amy said this to him. He remembered now in that other part when Shadow said he was going to kill his mom but no one thought about it more than once because Shadow was always a bad guy. What they didn’t realized was that Shadow was serious.

Naturally, the next thing to do would be to go over to his house and check to see if his mom is dead.  Right?

“Okay, was it him who also said that you would not have sex with me on Sonic Messenger?” said Sonic to Amy.

Wrong.  There’s most likely a gruesome murder scene next door but now is the perfect time to clarify whether or not Sonic is going to get some mad pink-hedgehog pussy.

Koori:  Things you’d never think you’d say.

Dennis:  I am starting to understand a little better in my understanding of what you people do here as your job for a living.

Oh, this isn’t my day job.  I’m actually the laboratory operations lead at a milk manufacturing plant.

Dennis:  Hold up and wait a moment.  You do this for fun and pleasure?  With purposeful intention?

Yup.

Dennis:  You are insanely crazy.

“Yes! I did not talk to you then.” spoke Amy back to Sonic.

“So how do you really feel about it?” asked Sonic whose brain was now humming with sex ideas.

This really is not the time to be discussing this, Sonic.  Go check on Shadow’s mom, for Christ’s sake!

“Shit I don’t know,” said Amy still all worked up. “Give me a day. Right now let’s get things right.”

Que 80’s montage of them cleaning up instead of looking for a murder scene 20 feet away.

So Sonic and Amy went back to school where everyone else was besides them. Sonic and Amy saw Espio walking around between a lot of other people.

Is seriously no one concerned about the fact that Amy saw Shadow prepared to kill his own mother?!

Koori:  *shakes a Magic 8 Ball that was sitting on Lyle’s desk*  All signs point to “no.”

“Hey, here you are,” said Espio to Sonic and Amy. “I had sex with Rouge last night! Do not tell everyone.” said Espio.

“Because I plan on telling everyone myself!”

“Oh, that’s right you did, I almost forgot,” said Sonic. “Hear that, Amy?” and Amy was like yup. “You gotta tell me all about it later so I know what to do to Amy.” said Sonic and then turned around.

You really don’t want his advice, Sonic.  His sexual experience involves pulling a vagina out of a purse.

Dennis:  I’m happily pleased to have been shoved in a closet while that happened.

Sonic heard a sound coming from down the hallway where someone was coming. It was a really fat guy that looked so huge to him. The fat guy got closer and closer until they could see who it was, and it was Rouge!

Rouge =/= fat man.

“Wow, you are so fat now,” said Espio, “What’s that about?”

Rouge looked mad and surprised at Espio. “Well you got me pregnant!” said Rouge.

They had sex less than 24 hours ago!  It doesn’t work like that!

“Oh my god” thought Sonic to himself without saying it with voice. “She is pregnancy fat.” This means she will have a baby.

No, it means she will have a watermelon.  What the fuck do you think it means!

Koori:  This pregnancy has advanced more quickly than Dally in FaCe ThE StRaNgE

Amy was smiling for real to Rouge. “That’s so nice! I hope you have a great baby.” said Amy.

Sonic tried to be a good boy friend and said “Hope your baby is cool.” And smiled. Espio looked more worried than everybody else.

“So I am gonna be your baby’s dad?” said Espio, worried and excited, both.

That all depends on if she was actually somehow hiding her pregnancy yesterday during your front yard tango session.  If you knocked her up, you’re at least biologically her baby’s dad.

“Better believe it, fag boy,” said a voice that sounded just like Shadow’s.

Dennis:  Allow me to do the honors, if you’d allow me.  *taps the buzzer*

Troll be a misogynistic bigot: 9

Like usually, there wasn’t much to this chapter but that’s about as much as I can stomach in a sitting.  From all of us at the Library, have good one!  So, Dennis, you going to stick around?

Dennis:  I have not yet made a decision about this.  I haven’t decided.  It’s very odd and weird here.

Koori:  It sure beats getting killed every day, though, right?  We might have to teach you a new way to talk, though.

Dennis:  I’m really perplexed and confused by these statements you keep stating.

Maybe if we have him use some voice-to-text software and underline the redundancies, we can get the point across.

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15 Comments on “1648: SONIC HIGH SCHOOL – Chapter Seven”

  1. BatJamags says:

    Amy was smiling for real to Rouge. “That’s so nice! I hope you have a great baby.” said Amy.

    And the moral of the story, kids, is that teenage pregnancy is just dandy.

  2. BatJamags says:

    “Better believe it, fag boy,” said a voice that sounded just like Shadow’s.

    DUN DUN DUoh, who gives a fuck?

  3. AdmiralSakai says:

    Vector was good at this because he was big and strong and had sharp teeth under his mouth.

    A very useful attribute indeed in a sport where you are required to wear a full-face helmet.

  4. AdmiralSakai says:

    Amy’s house was really pink because that was Amy’s color.

    That’s… racist?

  5. AdmiralSakai says:

    Amy was there tied up on her bed with a thing in her mouth so she couldn’t talk.

    Given that what the “thing” was is never mentioned, I shall assume it was a kazoo.

  6. AdmiralSakai says:

    “Hey, here you are,” said Espio to Sonic and Amy. “I had sex with Rouge last night! Do not tell everyone.” said Espio.

    Now, it may be a while since I took introductory formal logic, but this statement seems to indicate he is fine with the entire universe knowing his secret except for one arbitrary person.

  7. AdmiralSakai says:

    “She is pregnancy fat.”

    Rouge has been transformed into the fat that accumulates during pregnancy?

    Yuck.

  8. agigabyte says:

    Dennis: I don’t have any idea, nor do I know, what that question means when you asked that question.

    Wait, the redundancies in how you talk aren’t on purpose?

    Dennis: I still haven’t the slightest clue or idea about the meaning of what you mean.

    DuFresne: Very few among the DRD learn to speak without redundancies, because it’s so difficult. By the way, Dennis, welcome to the Library, which I would like to welcome you to.

  9. Whey says:

    If the author is smart enough they will put in a plot twist where Espio isn’t the dad. The dad would be Sonic somehow.

  10. GhostCat says:

    Oh, this isn’t my day job. I’m actually the laboratory operations lead at a milk manufacturing plant.

    Dennis: Hold up and wait a moment. You do this for fun and pleasure? With purposeful intention?

    Yup.

    Dennis: You are insanely crazy.

    We get that a lot. Personally, I’m a financial services representative – which is much less fun than it sounds. But I do get to prepare other people’s taxes! Which is also less fun than it sounds.


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