1641: Metal Gear Solid: Fight of Metal Gears 2 Old Enemys Come Back- One Shot

Title: Metal Gear Solid: Fight of Metal Gears 2
Author: squirrelking
Media: Video Game
Topic: Metal Gear
Genre: Adventure/Suspense
URL: Oneshot
Critiqued by Delta XIII

Howdy, Patrons and Librarians! Delta XIII again with the sequel you’ve been waiting for (or, more likely, dreading), Metal Gear Solid: Fight of Metal Gears 2: Old Enemys Come Back.

I think I said all I needed to last time, so without further ado, let’s dive right into it.

EVERYTHING WRONG

WITH

 METAL GEAR SOLID: FIGHT OF METAL GEARS 2

OLD ENEMYS COME BACK

 

(Spoilers)

(probably)

 Metal Gear Solid: Fight of Metal Gears 2: Old Enemys Come Back

The real sin of this title is that only one old enemy returns. (1)

Jake Snake shot the special thing that was a nuke that only kill enemy metal gears but not Jake Snake so when he shot it the enemys died.

(2)

Jake Snake flied up to the top of the sky again in the metal gear

While there was a flying mech in the Metal Gear series, it was in Peace Walker, which came out approximately four years after this story, an AI controlled it, and it wasn’t actually a Metal Gear. Therefore, this flying Metal Gear concept is just so much bullshit. (3)

 and drove really really fast

One cannot “drive” that which is flying. The same is true of Metal Gears; they were always referred to as being “piloted”. (4)

 to more into Out Heaven to fight more metal gears.

Because Jake Snake is out for BLOOD!!! (5)

 Jake Snake was up in the top of the sky and looked down and seeen a boss metal gear making people blow up with weapon

Apparently, another sentient Metal Gear. (6)

so Jake Snake went down and landed fast and dust came again

Oh, come on, again with this mental imagery?! You just earned yourself fifty sins, fic! (56)

 then it went and Jake Snake said “Boss metal gear stop it or i will shoot you with fire gun.”

When has this kind of tactic ever worked? (57)

The boss metal gear said “Ha ha Jake Snake you are just small child and cant kill me becaus i am strong and have wepons that kill things and you too Jake Snake.”

Apparently, Boss Metal Gear considers Jake Snake an afterthought. (58)

Jake Snake said back angry “IM NOT SMALL CHILD AND I WILL SHOOT YOU WITH FIRE GUN!”

A man getting angry at comments on his size.

Insert your own dick jokes. (59)

 so Jake Snake shot fire all on the boss metal gear and the boss metal gear fell down.

But he apparently didn’t burn in any way because that would just be logical. (60)

 The boss jumped out of metal gear then the metal gear went BOOM and went away somewhere to pieces.

Wait, so if the Metal Gear isn’t sentient, then who or what was the boss?

*off-screen whispers*

Not THAT Boss! (61)

Jake Snake jumped out of teh metal gear to and landed and then jumped and kickd the boss in the leg so the boss fell.

Why would you EVER get out of a fully functioning Metal Gear?! Just use it to stomp the boss into dust! (62)

 Then Jake Snake took out a nife and stabed the boss in the hart and the boss died.

Well, that was anticlimactic. (63)

 Jake Snake crawled in teh ground and went somewhere else again to fight other things.

In the ground. Because Jake Snake is apparently a mole now. (64)

Out of no where again Otacon sccreamed “JAKE SNAKE BEHIND YOU AGAIN!” and Jake Snake turned around and there was 10 bad guys there.

Should’ve stayed in the mech, Jake. (65)

 Jake Snake throwed a flash bang and put on glasses so the flashes wouldnt hurt him

He then subsequently went deaf because he forgot to account for the “bang” part of “flashbang”. (66)

 then the flash went away and he put the glasses away and the bad guys coudlnt see.

I doubt that Jake Snake would be able to see either. If protecting yourself from a flashbang was as easy as putting on sunglasses, they wouldn’t be as big of a problem as they are. (67)

Jake Snake standed up and crawled to one of the bad guys and borke his arm and his neck and throwed him at another bad guy and snapped off his head.

Well, that was unnecessarily brutal. (68)

 Jake Snake took out his wepon that he got from the boss metal gear

A weapon from the Metal Gear? How is he even able to lift it?! Metal Gears are not small things! (69)

 and made a bad guy blow up

And it was apparently some form of missile launcher? What the actual fuck?! (70)

 then he throwed the gun at 2 bad guys and killd them too.

Throwing a gun away like that is just wasteful. (71)

 Then Jake Snake choked a guy and riped off his arms and throwed them at anoter guy then he went to the other guy and stepd on him til he died.

More unnecessary brutality. (72)

Then Jake Snake said to Otacon “thats a lot of dead bad guys”

Worst. One-liner. Ever. (73)

 and Otacon said “Solid Snake did that too before”

To my knowledge, as of when this fic was published (May 24, 2006, for those curious) Solid Snake never did anything like that. (74)

 and Jake Snake said “I must go!”

“My planet needs me!” (75)

 so he went in the bad guy base thaht was around in trees.

Bad guy base manages to be simultaneously around the trees and inside them. And I thought the Library’s non-Euclidean geometry was bad! (76)

Jake Snake crawled into the base and shot a camera so they couldnt see him in there so he could go there quietly.

And, of course, no one spots the feed from the camera suddenly cutting out!

Well, okay, to be fair, it wasn’t until MGSV that enemies would notice when a camera was shot out, so there is precedent.

However, I’m still going to sin it because shut up. (77)

 Out of no where someone was behind Jake Snake again so he turned round and saw Revolver Ocelot there.

Aww, they dragged poor Ocelot into this, didn’t they? I guess this is his punishment for playing the x-tuple agent for so long. (78)

“I killed Solid Snake and how i kill you Jake Snake”

How? Well, if I had to guess, I’d say either revolver or something long and drawn out. (79)

 Revolver Ocelot said to Jake Snake after Jake Snake saw him. “No! You didnt kill Solid Snake!” Jake Snake said back.

Denial. (80)

 “Yes i did and i did it slow and he was hurting a lot” Revolver Ocelot said after.

(81)

 “Im going to kill you Revolver Ocelot for that!” Jake Snake yelled back.

Unlikely. (82)

Revolver Ocelot jumped away and landed

Ocelot is in his senior years by this point. I find it very unlikely that he would be able to jump away like this. (83)

 and shot Jake Snake in the eyes so Jake Snake had to get an eye patch out of his pocket

A bullet in the eyes is not something you can just walk away from. In fact, it will kill you.

“But, what about Big Boss?”

Big Boss lost his eye from the muzzle flash of a gun, not from the bullet. (84)

Also, if Jake was shot in the eyes, wouldn’t that mean that he is now completely blind? I think he’s gonna need more than one eyepatch. (85)

 and he put it on then he shot Revolver Ocelot but Revolver Ocelot ran away after so Jake Snake had to follow him.

Not surprising that Jake would miss; he’s apparently at least half-blind right now. (86)

Then teh room filled up with gas

(87)

 and Revolver Ocelots voice spoked from thhe speakers and said to Jake Snake “now you die too.” Jake Snake looked around and coffed and was dying almost.

Almost, but not quite. Somehow. (88)

to be continued…?

Sadly, no. This is the last one. (89)

Total Sin Count: 89

Sentence: Another dramatic reading (with slightly less crappy comic)

Well, that’s it for this installment! I’m planning to do a multi-chapter fic at some point, but that’s probably gonna be quite a while off.

Until next time!

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7 Comments on “1641: Metal Gear Solid: Fight of Metal Gears 2 Old Enemys Come Back- One Shot”

  1. BatJamags says:

    Old Enemys

    Is it time for you to do what has to be done by-

    Oh, forget it.

  2. BatJamags says:

    a boss metal gear

  3. BatJamags says:

    Insert your own dick jokes.

    Heh heh. “Insert.”


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