1634: SONIC HIGH SCHOOL – Chapter Six

Title: SONIC HIGH SCHOOL
Author: DarkDoomFireMaster
Media:  Video Game
Topic: Sonic the Hedgehog
Genre: Drama/Romance
URL: Chapter Six
Critiqued by Lyle and Koori

-Explicit Sexual Content Warning-

*sigh*  This chapter is NSFW.  I can’t believe I had to put this up here… seriously.  I didn’t see this coming.

*Lyle flounches into her office, a brightly colored Play-Skool style rotary phone in her hands.  She plomps it down on her desk at the same instant she drops into her chair*

Merry Winter Holiday of Your Choice!  I think the last time I counted, there are at least… uhm… *ticks off fingers and mutters under her breath* Christmas, Hanukkah, Festivus, Saturnalia, Winter Solstice, sometimes Eid Al-Adha depending on how the calendar falls… this year it was in September, though, but I’m still counting it because it’ll eventually be in December again…. Yule, Kwanzaa…

Well, you get the picture.  Winter is a time when things are cold as hell and people need a reason to celebrate.  Almost every culture has a winter holiday.  So whichever you observe, I hope it was fantabulous.

*glances out the still-open door*

You coming?

Koori: *drags an anvil into the room*  What the hell, Miss Lyle?  What are we even going to use this for?

I’m sure something will come up. For now, stick it next to my desk.  I’ll put my new phone on it.

Koori:  Why didn’t you ask Lina to carry this?  She’s the one with super-human vampire strength!

I promised your dads that I’d make sure you kept up with your training.  This is good for you.  Now, less talk, more anvil Feng-shui.

Now, while Koori gets that into place, let’s get on with today’s riff.  Last time, Sonic received a very peculiar fortune cookie that told him he’d be happy if he finally confessed his lust for Tails, but he totally misinterpreted the message and instead had Tails help him to help Espio get ready to have sex with Rogue.  To do this, they gave Espio an invisibility… hat.  I couldn’t make this shit up if I tried.

Chapter 6: Espio and Rouge

I really hope I don’t have to add a lemon warning to the top of this fic.

Koori:  *finally pushes the anvil into place beside the desk*  There.

*Lyle surveys it for a moment and frowns*  I think it might look better under the window, actually.  *points across the room*

Koori:  … Are you serious?

Yup.  Move it over there, please.

Koori:  *swears under her breath and starts to heave the anvil across the room*

Espio walked to Rouge’s house because it was time for their date together, and all Espio could think about was that they were about to make sex for the first time. Espio looked at the computer and read about what to do and what the right words were so he would know how it works and how to say it right so no one would make fun of him.

He researched how to properly sex someone so no one would make fun of him.  Is there going to be an audience?!

It was Rouge’s house he was at now, and it was in front of him.

*A-WHOOO-GAH! A-WHOOO-GAH!*

*A DRD agent bursts into the room and trips over the anvil Koori is still dragging across the floor, smacking his head on the floor hard enough to knock him unconscious*

Well, that was coincidentally effective.  Shove him in the closet and then get that anvil in place.

Koori:  *sighs and grabs the agent under the armpits*  I miss the days when all I had to do was kill agents and fetch coffee.  Now I’m hiding the evidence and moving blacksmithing equipment.

Well, when you’re done with the anvil, feel free to go get us some drinks from Lina.

Espio knocked Rouge’s house door. “I hope she is home!” said Espio and she was, she opened the door just then.

“Hello, I’m home,” said Rouge,

No shit, Sherlock.

*The DRD agent groans and starts to wake up*

Koori: *snags the Play-Skool phone off the desk and beans him upside the head with it, knocking him back out*  Wow, that’s a sturdy toy.

They made them to last back then.  *takes it back and wipes the blood off the receiver.*

looking always sexy in her tiny baby bra

The fuck is a baby bra?  I am not googling that.

and big cool boobs.  Espio thought she looked like the hottest woman in the world that he could see from here.

There could be hotter women, but they aren’t in his line of site so Rogue will have to do, I guess.

Koori:  *finally slams the closet door shut*  Does this thing lock?

No.  Just put the anvil in front of it.  That’ll keep him in there.

“Where are you taking me on our date tonight?” whispered Rouge in a sex-filled voice.

If the previous chapters are any indication, a bedroom.

Espio had thought this one over on the way over so that he could say it right the first time and get her to do what he wanted: that’s sex. “Well,” said Espio, “Just let me put on this science hat and we will begin sex.”

Uhm, that’s not taking her anywhere.

Koori:  He’s a virgin who learned how to have sex from Wikipedia; obviously he’s taking her to Disappointment.

*snorts*

Rouge looked shocked but she probably was excited too, Espio could tell they both had a nerection.

Rogue has an erection?  I mean, the clitoris can swell slightly when a woman is aroused, but it isn’t exactly something that’s obvious.

“What?” said Rouge in a shocked way, “Right here?”

Yup, right in the doorway.  Why not?  *rubs temples*

Espio said “Yes, this hat was made by Tails pacifically for our date!

Koori:  *pushes the Anvil against the closet door*  No, it was made by Tails for the science fair.  He lent it to you for your date.

It makes it impossible to see and impossible to hear while I am wearing it.” Espio did a cool face at her because being smart can be cool too as long as you’re not a nerd ass.

I’m still confused how being invisible is going to help them have sex.

Rouge said “Okay, let’s go inside,” and gently grabbed Espio’s hand, but he pulled it back and she fell causing him to fell and they both together fell on to the grass where they rolled around in it until they were about in the middle of Rouge’s house’s front lawn so there was plenty of room around them for activities.

They’re going to have sex in the front yard?!

Koori:  Everyone has these fantasies about having sex outside on the grass or in the woods.  It really isn’t all it’s cracked up to be.

You know, I’m starting to get the impression that you might not be as innocent as you come across.

Koori:  *sits down on the anvil and leans her back against the closet door*  Does it matter if I’m not?

No, not at all.  It’s just amusing because you’re so naive about other things.

Koori:  I am not!

“No,” said Espio, “I want to make sex in you right here!” and Espio put on the Invisibility Hat so nobody could see or hear them and a whole new world of possibilities were optioned to them so they could do sex in what ever way they wanted and it was time to start sex right now.

Wait… the hat affects her, too?  Are they both wearing it?

Espio revealed his penis to Rouge, who looked at it.

But they’re invisible.  How can she see it?

Rouge said “Cool”

Not really the word I’d use to describe a penis.

and took out her vagina.

*snort-giggle*

Did she keep it in her purse or something?!

Espio’s penis was really big from looking at Rouge like when he is in church and its so boring but you just get a boner anyway.

Koori:  We’re back to the oddly specific comparisons.  I’m going to go get that coffee.

Rouge’s vagina looked like a surprised ghost.

What the actual what.

Espio’s penis approached Rouge like a plane flying down at the airport but instead of being full of business men it was full of Espio’s Creamy Italian salad dressing.

I can’t even.  Oh my god.  This scene.

“Here it comes!” cried Espio, ramming his mauve avenger into Rouge’s vagina spot.

Okay, this is seriously the most ridiculous sex scene I’ve ever read.

Rouge screamed sex noises and Espio messed around with her boobs and face like she was the X-Men arcade game. Espio slapped his big awesome penis from side to side in her vagina like a hotdog windshield wiper and Rouge was ripping grass from the lawn.

If his “big awesome penis” is able to move freely inside her vagina, there’s some anatomical issues going on here.

Then Espio used his tail to flip her over (he can do this) and put his penis into her butt. He moved his penis in circles in her butthole like he was building a golf course and digging out the back 9.

Koori:  *returns with two coffees*  Well then.  I see I came back too soon.

Dear god, man!  Lube!  There is always time for lube!  The anus does not produce any sort of lubricating moisture!  You’re going to cause tearing like that that’s going to cause internal bleeding.  That shit can kill a person!  You don’t just jam your love-rod into the backdoor and expect things to go like the do in the pornos!  Those actors have been prepped to take it – muscle-relaxing lubrication, stretching, and enemas to prevent shit from getting on anything.  Jesus on a pogostick, you can’t treat the butt like a vagina!

Koori:  *hands Lyle her drink and sits back on the anvil.  Movement can be heard from inside the closet*  You know a disturbing amount about the logistics of anal porn.

The things you research for an adoring readership.  *sips her coffee*

Rouge was flapping her bat wings like an idiot and not flying because Espio’s was holding on to her asscheeks and pressing into them with his fingers and leaving marks that looked like it said “wow” when combined with the spot where her butthole is, and that is what she felt because Espio seemed to be a sex professional.

Koori:  Everyone who reads one Wikipedia article thinks they’re a professional on that topic.

*polite knocking sounds on the closet*

DRD Agent:  I’m apologetically sorry for having tripped over your anvil and fallen onto your floor while tripping.  May I exit out of this so I may come out?

That depends.  Do you want to read a horrible anal sex scene between two invisible anthropomorphic video game characters?

DRD Agent:  I’m content to stay happily in this enclosed closet.  Can you please pass me a snack by putting a snack under the door through the space under the door?  My stomach is growling as I am hungry.

Sure.  Koori?

Koori:  *pulls a scroll out of her vest and unseals it.*  Here’s a package of Pocky.  *slides it under the door*

DRD Agent:  My most thankful gratitude.

Espio used his tail again to flip her over and did all-star sex things like using his penis like a rolling pin on her face and plugging his penis into her bellybutton to see how far it would go and making a balls hurricane with swirling his balls and her balls.

Her… balls.  Uhm.

Koori: 

Okay, so either this author has no idea what female genitalia looks like, or we have a surprisingly accepting Espio who has just discovered that Rogue is a hermaphrodite.  You don’t see that often.  I can’t tell if I need to give the troll a redemption cookie for being so tolerant of non-cis genders, or smack him for purposefully saying she has testicles as a further shock factor.

Koori:  *slides the cookie under the closet door*  Too late, I gave it to the agent.

DRD Agent:  My grateful thanks!

Finally they both got so sexy that Espio’s penis ejaculated, and semen came out of it and landed on Rouge who was lying there on the lawn but nobody could see them so it was ok. At that part Espio screamed “It’s semen time!” and Rouge shouted “Create a generation in me!”. Espio ejaculated semen in to her vagina and that was what happened.

Koori:  At least it wasn’t Lasagna time.

*snorts*

Now that they were done doing sex, they put their penis and vagina and balls away and Espio took off the Invisibility Hat and it was like nothing ever happened but they both know it did because they were there for it.

Tuck their genitals back into their purses and off they go.

“Bye bye,” said Espio and Espio walked off her property and away to his house and did the rest of his things until school happened the next day.

Well.  That was certainly… something.

Koori:  *takes a sip of her coffee*  Better put that content warning at the top.

*sighs*  Yeah.  Let’s hope there’s a hell of a lot less sex in future chapters.  Until then, have a Merry Holiday of Your Choice!

Koori:  Ta-ta!

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37 Comments on “1634: SONIC HIGH SCHOOL – Chapter Six”

  1. AdmiralSakai says:

    Espio walked to Rouge’s house because it was time for their date together, and all Espio could think about was that they were about to make sex for the first time. Espio looked at the computer and read about what to do and what the right words were so he would know how it works and how to say it right so no one would make fun of him.

    Because apparently the secret to good sex is knowing the proper incantation.

  2. AdmiralSakai says:

    “What?” said Rouge in a shocked way, “Right here?”

    Yup, right in the doorway. Why not? *rubs temples*


    Do none of these high school students have parents?

  3. BatJamags says:

    Author: DarkDoomFireMaster

    I just noticed this author’s name, and I hate everything about it.

  4. BatJamags says:

    Chapter 6: Espio and Rouge

    Who’s this Rouge person? Whoever they are, they keep popping up. It’s almost like no one can spell the word “rogue” even though it’s a fucking five-letter word, spelled largely phonetically (except for the u) and used relatively often. Why is this so hard?! R-O-G-U-E!

    https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rogue_(comics)

    Rogue.

    https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rogue_(Dungeons_%26_Dragons)

    Rogue.

    https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rogue_One

    Rogue.

    https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Roguelike

    Rogue.

    FUCKING ROUGE.

    God damn.

    Please tell me those links won’t set off the spambots.

    • BatJamags says:

      Heh, I guess they did. Sorry about that.

    • Leider Hosen says:

      Actually that’s not a misspell. He’s referring to “Rouge the Bat”, the girly girl he intends to give the sechs to…

      So yee, Rouge, after the color, is her name.

      • BatJamags says:

        Oh. I thought I’d seen it spelled “Rogue” before, so I guess I got pissed off about the wrong misspelling.

        I still hate it when people get “rogue” wrong though.

      • Leider Hosen says:

        Oh yeah, it’s a very commonly misspelled word despite it being fairly easy to tell the two apart, and “Rogue” is a common name, but nope, in this circumstance the spelling is actually correct, save that off moment it was spelled “Rogue”

  5. BatJamags says:

    Espio knocked Rouge’s house door. “I hope she is home!”

    What, do you think she’s going to stand you up for a date at her own house?

  6. BatJamags says:

    Espio said “Yes, this hat was made by Tails pacifically for our date!

    He seems more interested in the hat than in the sex.

    Well, when I woke up this morning, I didn’t expect to be typing that sentence.

  7. BatJamags says:

    It makes it impossible to see and impossible to hear while I am wearing it.” Espio did a cool face at her because being smart can be cool too as long as you’re not a nerd ass.

    So, you think that being invisible will make the sex better? Damn, talk about low self-esteem.

    • GhostCat says:

      He doesn’t specifically say that he will become invisible and/or mute, just that it will be impossible to see or hear when he puts it on. I can manage that with a regular knit cap.

  8. BatJamags says:

    Wait… the hat affects her, too? Are they both wearing it?

    Maybe the hat creates a little dome of invisibility for them that doesn’t effect vision inside the dome?

    Which is a stupid function to put in a hat, but at least it makes a little sense.

  9. BatJamags says:

    Espio’s penis approached Rouge like a plane flying down at the airport but instead of being full of business men it was full of Espio’s Creamy Italian salad dressing.

    Sexy.

  10. BatJamags says:

    I wonder if this fic plans on getting stupider, because I’m not sure I can handle it.

  11. BatJamags says:

    OH MY GOD I JUST SAW THAT THERE ARE TWENTY-FIVE CHAPTERS WHY WHY WHY WOULD THAT EVEN HAPPEN

  12. Hiraani says:

    Koori: *drags an anvil into the room* What the hell, Miss Lyle? What are we even going to use this for?

    Angie didn’t give you that anvil, did she? Oh dear, I need to talk to her.

  13. Hiraani says:

    *sighs, grabs a plate of quiche from Hosen’s Christmas party* Let’s get on with it. Can’t be that bad.

    Espio had thought this one over on the way over so that he could say it right the first time and get her to do what he wanted: that’s sex. “Well,” said Espio, “Just let me put on this science hat and we will begin sex.”

    *pushes plate away* I’ve lost my appetite.

  14. Hiraani says:

    Espio said “Yes, this hat was made by Tails pacifically for our date!

    Tails is such a wonderful friend.

  15. Leider Hosen says:

    …Ya know, I was going to snark the sex, but I honestly can’t.

    Even with the very in-depth discussion of Anal Sex, the very worst reaction I gave was “Ok”, so it’s not like I’m squicked out… this “porn” just so mind-bending surreal I think the section of my brain responsible for generating critical review burst into flames after the first simile.

    I mean… I’m honestly at a loss, the fuck do you say to this? I honestly got nothin! I have been broked.

    You win this round badfic.

  16. GhostCat says:

    “Here it comes!” cried Espio, ramming his mauve avenger into Rouge’s vagina spot.

    Okay, this is seriously the most ridiculous sex scene I’ve ever read.

    I didn’t think anything could ever top the throbbing man-carrot, but there ya go.

  17. TacoMagic says:

    Koori: He’s a virgin who learned how to have sex from Wikipedia; obviously he’s taking her to Disappointment.

    *Dumps his flooded keyboard in the trash and pulls a fresh one out of the drawer*

  18. Whey says:

    Well that was magical.

  19. agigabyte says:

    agig: Y’know it’s bad when the lemon is more ridiculous than “released the feeling of his penis.” Seriously.

  20. agigabyte says:

    You know, I’m starting to get the impression that you might not be as innocent as you come across.

    Dakota and Agent [REDACTED]: Just now?

    Cain: Consider that most people do not coordinate an entire Nation or run giant spy networks


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