1631: Merry Christmas Daniel & Tragic Christmas Story – Oneshots

 

— WARNING—

— CONTAINS INAPPROPRIATENESS —

 

Generic winter solstice greetings, Patrons!

I hope you are enjoying whatever holiday you may or may not celebrate. Since I’ve finished up with my last fic, I thought I’d follow my pattern from last year and go looking for a holiday-themed oneshots. And, lucky for you, I found quite a few! These two from the Danny Phantom series are both super-short, so today’s a two-fer post!

“WOO-HOO! Double trouble!”

:sigh: Also, Syl is back. And I’m pretty sure she’s drunk.

“Well, your bathtub is full of eggnog and I don’t want it to go to waste.” :sips from giant novelty mug shaped like a reindeer:

What?!?

“You’re welcome!”

:deep, long-suffering sigh: Great.

Just a quick re-cap of the premise for the source materials, since I’ve covered fics from this section before I’m not going to go too in-depth. The animated show follows the adventures of Danny Fenton, who (thanks to a malfunction in one of his parents’ ghost-catching gadgets) can transform into a ghost form called Danny Phantom. Hijinks ensue.

“Sexy hijinks?”

Depends on the fanfic.

A word of warning; while both of these fics are technically Christmas-themed, they are not light and frothy drabbles. Prepare yourself for extremely serious subject matter.

:Syl reaches across the desk and places a festively blinking Santa hat on Ghostie’s head:

…Thanks, that really sets the tone that I was going for.

Title: Merry Christmas, Daniel
Author: spiritmind675
Media: TV Show
Topic: Danny Phantom
Genre: Romance/Angst
URL: Chapter 1
Critiqued by Ghostcat and Syl

 

This is the first fic I stumbled across while looking for holiday fics, and it was the summary that attracted my attention. Let me show you what I mean.

Phantom has a present for Danny, but it’s not what you think…DPxDF/pitchpearl, don’t like, don’t read. Happy Holidays!

Remember what I just said about Danny Fenton transforming into Danny Phantom? Apparently there’s a very small niche in the fandom that ships Danny Fenton with Danny Phantom – essentially shipping the character with himself.

“Would this be sexy hijinks with a cloning machine, or some sort of alternate reality double?”

I don’t think it’s either of those things, but I haven’t read many fics from this niche pairing so I don’t know if those are even options. I assume this ship originates from the episode where Danny managed to split his two selves (again, because of a gadget his parents invented) but it did not go well and it wasn’t a permanent condition.

“Who is this ‘pitchpearl’ person, then? Is this a trio grouping?”

Sorry, no. The “pitchpearl” refers to hair color; Danny has black hair that turns white when he transforms.

“I bet he saves a fortune in salon visits.”

A/N: I know it’s late but at least it’s up right? Right.

The fic was posted on January first, which is a bit late for a Christmas fic, but once it’s posted it can be read at any time of the year.

“I don’t remember you covering any Christmas fics back in July.”

Well, no … But that doesn’t mean I couldn’t. It’s not like the fics are set on a timer or anything.

If you don’t like this pairing, then leave. Now. Otherwise enjoy

“Honey, if Ghostie can’t make me leave then you sure as Hell aren’t going to.”

More’s the pity. I don’t really know why the author included this disclaimer; since the summary clearly states the pairing, I doubt anyone who wasn’t interested in this ship (or happened to be a Librarian or Free Trader) would bother reading it.

Danny glanced out the window, waving a final time as his parents drove away.

I’ve heard of putting characters on a bus, but really?

:refills mug: “When do we get to the sex?”

What? Why do you assume there’s going to be sex?

“Phantom is giving an unexpected ‘present’ to Danny. It’s obvious what that refers to.”

Not everyone speaks Euphemism as a second language, you know.

Oh, I’m sorry.” :leans forward and whispers to Ghostie: “The present is his penis.”

:Ghostie facepalms:

“Are they finally gone?” a slightly impatient voice asked.

“Yes Phantom.” he answered, turning to smile at the spirit.

Who is standing over there somewhere. :waves towards the Void: Probably.

“With a bright red bow tied around his ‘present’!”

That’s just so inappropriate.

“Oh, should I add one of those warning things?”

I don’t really think that should be necessary…

“Too late!”

:Ghostie facepalms:

“Good, I thought they’d never go!”

The dark haired male laughed, “So much for being patient.” he muttered, rolling his eyes.

I’m already lost. What is the context for this situation? Were the parents expected to leave, or were they called off on an emergency?

“Who cares? If your dimension’s media has taught me anything, now would be the perfect time for a gigantic house party with much irresponsible underage drinking!”

“What?” Phantom smiled innocently, “Is it wrong that I want to spend Christmas with my love?” as the teen blushed he moved closer, wrapping an arm around his shoulders, “I didn’t think so.”

Is it Christmas? Like Christmas Eve or Christmas Day? Where were the parents going, then? Parents don’t typically leave their kids alone in the house during the holidays while they go off together.

“Not according to your dimension’s media. Based on these;” :holds up a stack of DVDs: “This situation happens with depressing regularity.”

You can’t make blanket assumptions about a society based on Home Alone!

“No, nothing wrong with that…” now Danny’s smile faded.

There is something wrong with the parents leaving their kids along at Christmas.

“Kids? Are they brothers?”

I guess they kind of are, but I was referring to Danny’s sister Jazz. The narration only mentions the parents leaving so I assume the sister is still in the house.

“Kinky. But I thought you weren’t doing sibcest this season?”

…Dammit!

“Something wrong Daniel?” the white haired male asked, bright green eyes concerned.

:points to window into the Void: You just saw his parents drive away at Christmas!

“You should be stringing up paint cans before the Pesci arrives!”

:Ghostie facepalms:

“I guess not…just…” the teen sighed, “I didn’t get anything for you…” he mumbled, glancing away.

…On purpose? Or did you forget? I mean, I constantly forget the exact date of Christmas, but I don’t celebrate it so it really isn’t something that I make an effort to remember. If you actually do celebrate or are planning on celebrating it, shouldn’t you remember it?

“Less talking, more gifts! What did you get me?”

I’m not giving you anything!

“I know a Scrooge who is getting coal in their stockings.”

It’s ‘stocking’, singular, and no one does that any… more.

:Ghostie pushes herself back from the desk and removes her boots and socks, shaking everything out thoroughly. A small pile of black rocks forms on the floor:

Is this … coal? :looks at Syl: How… You were sitting … I never saw… Frickin’ how?!?

:leans back in chair and props her bare feet (with toenails festively candy-striped in red and green enamel) up on the desk, taking a sip from her mug: “That would be telling.”

The spirit laughed, “I wouldn’t say that just yet.” when Danny raised an eyebrow he said, “I only want you today. Can you give me that?” he smiled softly.

“Since they are technically the same person, I wonder if that would that count as sexual intercourse or masturbation?”

:Ghostie facepalms:

“Eggnog?” :holds out mug:

No, thank you. I know better than to drink anything you’ve been drinking.

“You’re such a worrywart. I didn’t add any of my special ingredients to this batch.”

Pardon me if I don’t trust a damn thing you say.

“Really? That’s it?”

“What else would I want?” Phantom murmured, hugging him close.

“I can do that.” Danny smiled, wrapping his arms around the other’s neck.

“You could put some effort into it; strike a provocative pose, or put on your sluttiest outfit. Hell, just go get a can of whipped cream from the fridge.”

Don’t forget the sprinkles; sprinkles make everything festive.

:Syl shudders violently, nearly spitting out her eggnog:

What’s wrong with you?

“I’ve not been able to look at sprinkles the same way since you compared them to edible glitter.”

I ruined sprinkles for you? Awwww, now I feel bad.

:opens arms wide: “Wanna hug it out?”

I don’t feel that bad.

“Then I can give you your gift now?” Phantom asked, pulling something from his belt.

“I bet you want to give it to him.”

Please try to behave yourself.

“Can’t talk, need popcorn.” :sits large earthenware bowl brimming with popcorn on the desk beside her mug:

…I don’t even want to know where you were hiding that.

“You bought something?” Danny frowned, “But I-“

How? He’s a ghost!

“The Ghost Zone has a lovely little shopping district, very quaint. It’s right between the Well of Shrieking Souls and the Pit of Endless Despair. There’s even talk of a Wal-Mart going in, but the locals are protesting it.”

…Okay then.

“I didn’t buy it.” the spirit interrupted.

Frowning suspiciously he said, “Alright then…”

Did he steal it? And is Danny okay with that?

“Haven’t you heard that it’s the thought that counts?  You can’t let a little thing like ownership rights ruin your holiday spirit.”

Of course you would be okay with stealing gifts.

:glares at Ghostie over the rim of her mug: “I don’t like what you’re implying.”

“Good, now close your eyes.” the white haired male said.

…Okay, why?

“Well, Ghostie; when two boys have very special feelings for each other they like to express those feelings in a physical way…”

:Ghostie takes a handful of popcorn out of Syl’s bowl and throws it at the Free Trader:

As the teen complied he asked, “What is it?” and felt the other’s arm shift forward slightly.

What is he reaching for?

“The plot?”

Laughing once more the spirit responded, “Something you’ll always be thankful for. Something you’ll love after a while.”

“I won’t love it now?” Danny asked teasingly, slightly confused.

What on Earth is he talking about?

“Maybe Phantom’s not very good at handjobs?”

“Probably not.” Phantom answered quietly, his serious tone further confusing the other, “Just keep your eyes closed.”

“He must be really bad at handjobs.”

:Ghostie repeatedly headdesks:

“Don’t knock over my drink!”

when Danny nodded he smiled, slipping what could only be described as a small dagger between his ribs.

:Ghostie looks at Syl:

:Syl looks at Ghostie:

That’s … That’s really not where I was expecting this to go.

“I was hoping for some penetration, but not like that.”

And the phrasing is very awkward, it could even be interpreted as Phantom stabbing himself in the ribs.

“Would that make this a murder-suicide, or a double suicide?”

I have no frickin’ idea.

Said teen gasped, icy blue eyes snapping open as he felt a stinging pain, and the warmth of blood as it seeped through his shirt, “Ph-Phantom?”

“Danny is strangely accepting of this situation. He’s not even trying to fight back.”

Yeah, it’s really not like him to just roll over and take it like that.

:Syl giggles:

Oh, grow up.

“Shh, it’ll be over soon love.” he answered, moving his free hand slightly so he could stroke the other’s dark hair and still keep a hold on him.

If Phantom is stabbing him in the ribs as well as supporting his body, how can Phantom stroke Danny’s hair? He doesn’t have enough hands!

“Flexibility is an admirable trait in a lover and in an assassin.”

He smiled reassuringly as pressed the blade deeper so as to assure it hit its mark

:tsks: “What an amateur.”

What?

“You really should aim before you stab someone, especially if you only have a small knife. “The ribs” cover a big area, nearly the entire torso, so stabbing in the wrong place could mean a slow and lingering death.”

Thanks, that’s very … informative.

“Wha-why?” the teen whimpered, the pain burning with every struggling beat of his heart.

Because your ghost self is apparently fucking cray-cray.

“If only he had been content to stick with cray-cray fucking, this popcorn wouldn’t be going to waste.” :takes a piece of popcorn and dips it in the eggnog: “Mmmm!”

Gah.

The other didn’t answer at first, instead he took the time to gently remove the blade and toss it aside unceremoniously.

So he did it both carefully and carelessly? How do?

:sticks hand in vest: “I’ve got a diagram in here somewhere…”

It was a rhetorical question, Syl. :stares at growing pile of papers: Damn. How much Sephiroth fanart does one person need?

“I don’t need it, I can stop any time I want.” :grabs papers and stuffs them back in her vest: “STOP JUDGING ME!”

For a moment he only studied the other, then seeming satisfied, he nodded to himself.

I feel like I should include a Highlander reference here, but I’m a bit distracted by the fact that he’s nodding to himself in front of himself.

“Pity that’s all he’s doing to himself.”

Phantom?” Danny repeated in a whisper.

You’re not really repeating what you just said since there’s been a bit of dialogue since you said this.

“I bet you alphabetize your unmentionables.”

…No, of course not! :nervous laugh: That’s crazy!

“I had to.” the white haired male frowned, “Please don’t be mad. I just don’t want to lose you…see you hurt, and now that’ll never happen.”

:headdesk:

He didn’t want to see Danny get hurt, so he shanked him. Right. Because that makes sense.

“Nothing says ‘I love you’ like a knife to the lung. It’s the gift that keeps on giving!”

Yeah, right up until the recipient dies of their injuries.

“It’s the thought that counts.”

You keep saying that; I don’t think it means what you think it means.

he smiled sadly as the dark haired male shook, tears threatening to fall, “Don’t cry love, I did it for you.”

I assume you killed him so he would turn into a ghost, which means you didn’t do it for him but you did it for yourself so that you can keep him with you forever.

“Like buying a gift for someone you know they’ll hate and then offering to return it for them but just keeping it instead.”

Wait, is that why you got me that knife set for my birthday?

“No, don’t be silly! That’s why I got me that knife set for your birthday.”

Right, my mistake. Anyway, he’s also taking quite a chance with this plan of his since not everyone who dies gets turned into a ghost. It’s just a very poorly thought-out plan.”

“Like the dragon’s Kill Your Own Dessert night?”

Gumdrop means well, bless his heart. I tried to warn him that some things aren’t meant to be dipped in chocolate.

“No…Phantom, my family, friends…” the dark haired male struggled to even say a few words.

Yeah, what about all those things he cares about? Danny also wants to be an astronaut, which would be a hard goal to obtain if he’s dead.

“If he’s a ghost then he can go wherever he pleases, even space.”

I guess you’re right. :sighs: If he was still the canon version it would be different.

“He’d be much harder to stab if he was already a ghost.”

Also true, but not just that. It’s because he would be used to being a ghost and his close friends would know about it, but clearly he doesn’t have that trait now. Since this is an AU, I don’t know how much the other characters know about the whole Fenton/Phantom dynamic. There’s a lot left up in the air.

“But you said I could have you.” he murmured, “You gave me permission.” he nuzzled the teen’s cheek, “You’ll think differently about it soon.”

You were necking in his bedroom; I doubt brutal murder was what he was giving you permission to do.

“That’s why you should have all your lovers fill out a consent form; saves you from any potentially embarrassing legal issues later.”

Closing his eyes Danny pressed closer to the other, tears spilling over. The spirit was the only support he had, the only reason he was standing, and the reason he was dying he recalled as he felt the pain lessen and drift,

This seems like a bad idea on so many levels. If Danny remembers the circumstances of his death and still harbors resentment for having his dreams cut short and being taken away from his friends and family, he’s not going to be very happy with Phantom and will have a long time to get revenge if he so chooses.

“I have a few suggestions, if he’s looking for ideas.”

I bet you do.

“Merry Christmas Daniel.” he heard as the other’s lips kissed his cheek, black spots blooming in his vision as he lost consciousness.

I hope he kicks your ass when he turns into a ghost. You’re a terrible boyfriend.

“And a terrible assassin for drawing out your target’s death like that.That costs extra.”

Try to focus, please.

A/N: So good, bad, alright? Tell me whatcha think please!=3

It was poorly thought-out with a confusing premise, had a number of very unclear passages, and while I assume it was supposed to be “romantic” it could also go very badly for the murdering douche.

“2/5, would not shank again.”

Right. Now, on to the last fic!

 

Title: Tragic Christmas Story
Author: notreallyhere12345
Media: TV Show
Topic: Danny Phantom
Genre: Tragedy/Angst
URL: Chapter 1
Critiqued by Ghostcat and Syl

 

Since I shared the summary for the first fic, I should probably share the summary for this fic as well.

“Must you?”

You can leave at any time.

“But then you’ll get lonely!”

I think I can endure it.

Danny has died and Sam is sitting on a park bench thinking… Oneshot.

“Danny’s really getting the short end of the stick in these fics, isn’t he? Not literally in the last one, which was a disappointment, but still.”

It does kind of flow together oddly, though, even if these fics weren’t written by the same author. Almost like I planned it that way.

“No one likes a braggart, dear.”

A/N: Hi I wrote this today and decided to post it! well have fun reading it!

Because Tragedy/Angst fics are known to be a rip-roaring rollercoaster of laughs.

“I don’t know about you, but I’m absolutely delightful.”

Modest as ever, Syl.

The cold white snow covered everything in sight Christmas music traveled through the crisp winter air.

:digs through Spare Punctuation Box:

Damn, no commas. Those always  run out first.

“If you ask nicely, I might be able to procure a few for you.”

Did you just wink at me?!?

“Maaaayyybe.”

Okay, I think you’ve had enough eggnog. :attempts to take away Syl’s mug:

“Silly Ghostie; I’m fine!” :pulls mug out of Ghostie’s reach, loses her balance, and falls out of chair: “I think your gravity is broken.”

Oh, gods.

“I told you, I’m fine! Look, I didn’t spill a drop.”

Sam Madison sat alone on a park bench silent tears streaking down her cheek.

I guess the author is just going to go ahead and crank that Angst Knob up to eleven right from the start.

Her jet-black hair blowing in the wind as little snowflakes fall onto her delicate flushed skin.

And sprinkle in some purple prose while they are at it.

“Shall I get the black eyeliner and angry music, dimples?”

Not yet, but we might need them later. And don’t call me that!

In her hands she held the Fenton thermos.

This thing.

This thing.

“I failed him.” She cried the thermos slipping from her grasp. “I failed him.” She whimpered once more.

If I hadn’t read the summary that specifically stated that Danny was dead I would just assume that he was stuck in the thermos.

“You could just pop him out with your prybar.”

No! :hugs Mr. Crowbar to her chest: Mine!

She wrapped her arms aroundherself trying to keep warm having forgotten her coat in all of the action.

The action the audience hasn’t seen. It could be assumed that they were doing something outside, since she’s outside now, so I find it unlikely that she would have gone out into the snow with no coat to do whatever it was that ended with Danny’s death.

“You would be surprised what you can do in the snow; Swenia has this fascinating anecdote involving a wolf and eighteen inches of fresh powder…”

Please stop talking.

More tears rushed from her eyes landing on the ever-rising snow.

How hard is it snowing if it’s visibly growing while she’s sitting there?

“Fair to middling.”

That’s very helpful, thank you.

“I should have been there when he needed me the most.” She shed more tears ignoring the rushes of cold air.

You’re outside, in a frickin’ blizzard. There’s not “rushes” of cold air – you’re surrounded by cold air.

“It’s a bit like inviting me over for a visit; harsh yet not entirely unpleasant, with vaguely inappropriate undertones.”

Vaguely? Ha!

She felt a hand on her shoulder she gasped and spun around.

Is it an intern with the fic’s missing punctuation?

“That creepy uncle who likes to hug you for just a little too long?”

Through the snow she could see a silhouette of the person she loved more then life itself.

… Shit. Sam’s going to die of exposure, isn’t she?

“And it’s not even the fun kind of exposure.”

I don’t think you can die from the ‘fun kind’ of exposure.

“Then you haven’t been doing it right.”

“Sam don’t blame yourself, I would never blame you for something you couldn’t prevent.”

That’s good of you to say.

“Bit late, but it’s the thought that counts.”

I still don’t think you’re using that phrase right.

“Danny.” She stuttered. “D-don’t leave me. I want to come w-with you.”

That’s not good.

“No, it’s just good manners, Ghostie. It’s common decency to make sure everyone comes together.”

:Ghostie repeatedly headdesks:

“Hey, now! Don’t knock over my popcorn.”

“I will never leave you Sam.”

She is gonna die, dumbass. You need to get her somewhere warm.

“Preferably with a roaring fireplace and a bearskin rug.”

What?

“You’d prefer hot chocolate and snuggle time on the sofa?”

Actually, that does sound really nice. :shakes head: What am I saying? Back to the fic.

“Spoilsport.”

Quiet, you.

Of course Danny isn’t going to leave her – he was already half-ghost. Unlike the last fic this version is presumably the half-ghost version so his death, while tragic, isn’t going to be quite as limiting since he wouldn’t lose all contact with those close to him.

She felt her eyelids drop and warmth come back into her body.

Yep, she’s freezing to death.

“Or ascending to the next plane of existence.”

Kind of the same thing, depending on your personal philosophy.

Her eyes reopened and she took Danny’s outstretched hand smiling at him.

I seriously doubt that either one of these characters would be smiling in this situation.

“I should hope not. They haven’t done any of the fun stuff yet!”

Not even close to what I meant.

She left the cold wet depressing snow behind flying right next to Danny the love of her life.

What about her family? Her friends? She’s going to abandon them all for a boy? That doesn’t sound like Sam at all.

“Honey, listen to the cranky spinster – no man in any dimension is worth dying for.”

…Thanks, I guess?

The next morning, Christmas day they found the frozen body of Samantha Madison with a smile on her face looking into the cloudy sky.

“Oh, I have an idea! Quick, someone find an enchanted silk hat!”

:THWACK!:

“Too soon?”

The lover’s funerals were held at the same time and were buried next to each other so that even in death they would be together.

:Ghostie snorts:

“What bee flew up your bunghole?”

The joint funerals might be plausible, but a joining cemetery plots? That’s not happening. Even if their families knew they were close and/or dating, they wouldn’t bury them together. If you’re the kind of family that plans ahead, then Danny’s parents may already have a plot for themselves. They would either bury Danny there, or try to locate an adjoining plot to theirs. This is assuming they don’t have him cremated, which is a popular option these days. Sam is another story – it’s clearly established in the series that she is Jewish and that would require her family to follow very specific burial rites that the Fentons would not share or participate in. Likely she would be buried in a Jewish cemetery, where Danny would not be allowed.

“There’s always Crunchy’s new business venture.”

I don’t think he’s had a lot of interest in it; oddly enough, there’s very few people who want to be buried alive in an active volcano. I have no idea why.

“Normals are weird.”

They left behind two families and a best friend who committed suicide a mouth after the tragic deaths of his two best friends.

Poor Tucker. He barely gets a mention in the fic – it doesn’t even give his name! Just a footnote to the great tragedy/romance.

“Don’t forget the angst.”

How can I forget that? It practically oozes out of the fic.

“Ewww.”

The rest of the Fenton family died in a car accident three years later.

Well, that was sudden and unexpected.

“In more than one way.”

Sam’s father killed her mother and then killed himself.

…As was that.

“Being a character in this fic is akin to a death sentence.”

No kidding. What are we supposed to take away from this? Did Danny and Sam cause those deaths so they could collect the ghosts of their loved ones and live together forever? Or was this just a string of coincidences?

“The collection thing is creepy – let’s go with that one.”

It is said that on that Christmas Eve you can see a gothic girl and a bright blue eyed boy sitting together in the park smiling at each other.

Who says that? Everyone who knew them is dead now.

:slides knife out of a sheath at her waist: “If you point them out to me I could make them stop saying it…”

Down, girl.

They never stopped loving each other even in death.

“This is what passes for romance in your dimension? The two lovers’ shades get to hang out on a park bench for all time?”

It’s meant to be tragic.

“No, what’s tragic is that this is killing my eggnog buzz.”

A/N: Crappy ending I know. But review! flames welcomed.

:ignites pitch-soaked torch: “Remember, you asked for it.” :leans over and pats Ghostie on the cheek: “Don’t wait up; Mama Syl has work to do.”

:Ghostie watches Syl run out of the Riffing Chamber, then looks at the novelty mug sitting on the desk:

I’m having second thoughts about that eggnog.

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36 Comments on “1631: Merry Christmas Daniel & Tragic Christmas Story – Oneshots”

  1. BatJamags says:

    — CONTAINS INAPPROPRIATENESS —

    Inappropriateness? I hate inappropriateness.

  2. AdmiralSakai says:

    Tragic Christmas Story

    I don’t think we’ve had as apt a fic title in the history of the Library.

  3. BatJamags says:

    Genre: Romance/Angst

    The greatest Christmas genres!

  4. BatJamags says:

    If you don’t like this pairing, then leave. Now. Otherwise enjoy

    But what if I don’t wanna leave?

  5. BatJamags says:

    I’ve heard of putting characters on a bus, but really?

    :refills mug: “When do we get to the sex?”

    What? Why do you assume there’s going to be sex?

    “Phantom is giving an unexpected ‘present’ to Danny. It’s obvious what that refers to.”

    Not everyone speaks Euphemism as a second language, you know.

    Oh, I’m sorry.” :leans forward and whispers to Ghostie: “The present is his penis.”

    :Ghostie facepalms:

    Hm… so, if I were to offer euphemism classes, would anyone be interested in paying me money for the privilege of taking them?

    LESSON 1: PSYCHOLOGY OF EUPHEMISMS
    Sigmund Freud says everything is sex. He’s right, and the word “right” actually means penis.

    • Syl says:

      You’re making this far more complicated than it has to be. It’s an easy three-step process;

      1. All singular nouns refer to a penis

      2. All plural nouns refer to breasts

      3. All verbs refer to sex

  6. BatJamags says:

    “Something wrong Daniel?” the white haired male asked, bright green eyes concerned.

    He can be a boy, a man, a guy, a dude, a cat, an hombre, a fellow, a gentleman, or un homme if you’re feeling pretentious. So why the hell would you call him a “male?”

    • BatJamags says:

      For a moment he only studied the other,

      “The other?”

      The English language features countless ways of referring to a person, up to and including their fucking name, and somehow you seem to be finding all the worst ones.

  7. BatJamags says:

    He didn’t want to see Danny get hurt, so he shanked him. Right. Because that makes sense.

    And that’s serial killer logic, kids!

  8. BatJamags says:

    Title: Tragic Christmas Story

    Ooh, more BeeGees!

  9. AdmiralSakai says:

    “But you said I could have you.” he murmured, “You gave me permission.” he nuzzled the teen’s cheek, “You’ll think differently about it soon.”

    Closing his eyes Danny pressed closer to the other, tears spilling over. The spirit was the only support he had, the only reason he was standing, and the reason he was dying he recalled as he felt the pain lessen and drift,

    “Merry Christmas Daniel.” he heard as the other’s lips kissed his cheek, black spots blooming in his vision as he lost consciousness.

    A/N: So good, bad, alright? Tell me whatcha think please!=3

    Are you sure this wasn’t a creepypasta?

  10. AdmiralSakai says:

    Danny has died and Sam is sitting on a park bench thinking… Oneshot.

    Oneshots are an odd thing to be thinking about after the death of your friend…

  11. AdmiralSakai says:

    “I should have been there when he needed me the most.” She shed more tears ignoring the rushes of cold air.

    Goddammit, ‘fic, stop reminding me of better character development!!

  12. Leider Hosen says:

    No kidding. What are we supposed to take away from this? Did Danny and Sam cause those deaths so they could collect the ghosts of their loved ones and live together forever? Or was this just a string of coincidences?

    “The collection thing is creepy – let’s go with that one.”

    Somehow that wouldn’t even surprise me, and obviously that’s what our intrepid author was going for since he/she thought “Oh Shoot! It would kill the arousing mood to have them separated from their family!”, becuase obviously that’s the only thing wrong with this situation.

    I’m going to just move my obligatory rant to it’s own comment…

  13. Leider Hosen says:

    Okay, I’ll just have to ask with all honesty: Authors, WHAT THE FUCK POSSESSED YOU TO THINK ANY OF THIS WAS A GOOD IDEA?!

    What the fuck made you look at one of the few times of year that is almost universally viewed as a time of peace and good will towards man, a celebration of family and think, “I kno, I do Grimderk ‘we die so we kin be together in dead’ lolololol” and have this whole murder=romance trite.

    Not only is the premise unbelievably fucking stupid and completely ignores a ton of implications to construe it as any sort of “romance”, but the tone absolutely clashes with everything the season stands for. So I ask again, how in the fuck did you this was a good idea!? Aside from taking place in winter, this doesn’t even have anything to do with or mention Christmas, it’s just… BLEH.

    It’s a sad, sad moment when it would have made more sense IF SYL WERE RIGHT

    Yeah, it still would have still been ridiculous and cringe-worthy, but it would have made more sense, raised less questions, and fit the tone better if Syl, SYYYYLL were right. Just, this misses the point of the holiday in every way.

    *sigh* Oh well, I guess it can’t get any worse. Wait… Syl, sex, murder, familial issues… I feel like I covered everything, but something feels like it’s missing…

    …wait, where’s Abrelepine? Hold on, looks like he left a note:

    Hosen, and to whomever it may concern,

    I’ve learned a little about this winter solstice celebration, and it struck a cord with me. Yes, I know it’s horribly sentimental, but I don’t really care. It reminded me of all the dear friends missing me right now. Dietrich, Fyora, Mell… By the time you read this, I will have procured that fucking bus you stuck me on to go collect them. I’m also going to borrow a few things to liven up the place when I get back. How serendipitous to have our third Riff take place on Christmas Eve of all times, but then again, what is life but a set of strange coincidences?

    P.S: It’s an open invitation, but please make a special effort to invite Syl for me. I want to introduce her to all the wonderful people I’ve met on my travels. You probably don’t approve, but again, I find a critical lack of caring about your opinions.

    ..Oh… I don’t know weather to be touched or terrified. So I guess I’ll be a bit of both.

    • GhostCat says:

      You know things are bad when Syl, the poster child for poor decisions, is the voice of reason.

      The sad thing is, there were so many more grimdark allegedly “Christmas-themed” fics like these that I could have picked from.

      • Leider Hosen says:

        The sad thing is that really doesn’t surprise me. I sorta get the reasoning behind it… but by sorta I mean by an extreme stretch of logic it kinda may in some way be presentable… maybe, but not really.

        Keep yer Edge away from muh Christmas, ye’ damned kids!

      • BatJamags says:

        I’m sure I could procure one or two from even the saner fandoms, let alone some of the more… “eccentric” ones.

        *Cough*Sonic.*Cough*

  14. TacoMagic says:

    Don’t forget the sprinkles; sprinkles make everything festive.

    Don’t say the “S” wor-!

    *Taco is knocked out of his chair by a blast of sprinkles.*

  15. agigabyte says:

    Not everyone speaks Euphemism as a second language, you know.

    Cain: Unfortunately, spending so much time around Goddess and Syl has forced me to pick up learn achieve a level of understanding of euphemism that I seriously wish I hadn’t.

  16. agigabyte says:

    “I think your gravity is broken.”

    Cain: Always an annoying issue.

  17. Delta XIII says:

    “Eggnog?” :holds out mug:

    No, thank you. I know better than to drink anything you’ve been drinking.

    “You’re such a worrywart. I didn’t add any of my special ingredients to this batch.”

    Pardon me if I don’t trust a damn thing you say.

    *sips*
    Hmm. Whiskey with a hint of Viagra.
    Interesting.

  18. Delta XIII says:

    “I bet you alphabetize your unmentionables.”

    …No, of course not! :nervous laugh: That’s crazy!


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