1627: The Secret Life – Parts Four and FivePosted: December 20, 2016
Title: The Secret Life
Topic: Doctor Who
Genre: None Listed
URL: The Secret Life
Critiqued by Andiliteman and Ceseigh
Hello, patrons, and welcome back to The Secret Life. I’m Andiliteman, guest riffer, and I’m back with rogue Jedi Ceseigh for more of this Doctor Who fic.
“The same story we were reading before?”
Yup. Here at the library, the word is “dedication.”
“Are you sure it isn’t ‘masochism?’”
You’re funny. You really are. Onward!
What is it?
“That chapter title…”
Secret life Part 4. chapter 4. Homelife
“Part four, chapter four? Isn’t that a little…”
Son of a cracker! Get down!
*Throws Ceseigh to the floor, hides under desk*
“What the hell is that!?”
[Please wait patiently while the situation is handled. We apologize for this interruption. Deploying relaxing melodies in 3, 2, 1…]
*The riffing chamber is in shambles, Ceseigh is just putting her lightsabers away while Andiliteman collapses his scyther-rifle. They slowly head back to their seats.*
Look what you’ve done, now!
“What I’ve done? Those maniacs just attacked out of nowhere! How many of them are there in this place?”
As far as I’ve seen, they’re unlimited. Didn’t you read the handout on redundancies?
“I skimmed it once. I didn’t think it was that important.”
*Hands Ceseigh the handbook*
Well, it is very important. Read it again, and try not to set that thing off. I’ll get the bananas working on some security against them.
Never mind. We’ve wasted enough time as it is. Also remind me to get some of my playlist on the waiting tunes. That elevator music was dumb.
I come home after the secound day of school still nothing exciting happened.
Second, not secound, silly girl! That’s not how you British!
“Not how you British?”
She fails at British. I’m American, and I take British offense.
“You realize you’re being even sillier than she is right now?”
Nobody asked you.
I had met a new friend called oliva she seemed very nice. Doesn’t talk much but I have the feeling we will be good friends. I get on my tablet and scroll though my contacts. No one texted me.
I know that feel, crystal. Although your friends all probably just got out of school. Don’t give up hope!
I sigh and sit on my bed wondering what I’m going to do for the day. The room is silent and I start to get lonely. One thing about me is I get bored and lonely easily. One thing I share with my dad. I have lost so many friends. I’m always afraid of losing more. I’ve always felt that way but until I found out about my past I never knew why.
Ugh… Fear of losing friends is not intrinsic to being a Time Lord. It’s a side effect of the Doctor’s lifestyle because he likes to hang out with short-lived Earthlings. I totally understand your loss of friends because of the move to a new school, but stop trying to make yourself like him when you’ve been living a normal human life for an indeterminate amount of time.
“I’m not sure she meant it like that.”
That’s how she makes it sound.
I only have a few memorys of my timelord past, I remember gallifrey, the timewar, the daleks and fire, my training.
“I thought she didn’t even know she was a Time Lord until last summer?”
I’ve just given up on trying to figure out how long she’s known.
One of my , memorys I have is of my mom when she died. Her name was Catherine brigget lylica.
Random comma, no capitalization.
“Not to mention that’s another very human name.”
A very nice human name, I might add. But that’s irrelevant because Time Lords don’t use human names, or even our naming structure of first-middle-last. Although I think Lylica was made up by the author, so thumbs up for effort or thumbs down for butchering a name beyond recognition. Whichever applies.
The Doctors wife. And my mom. I had watched her die in my memory, and after it was over my face was lined with tears. She was my mom, my real mom and I lost her. I have a mom on earth a human mom, the Doctor made it so I would be their child but I’m not.
Since I get lonely so quickly when I found out about my mom having ALS a muscle disease that is slowly killing her, i am filled with pain every day. She is the only mom I have left and I don’t want to lose her too like I have my other friends and my other mom. I can’t bear to see her in that way, weak and dying. So when I go home I go straight to my room. She doesn’t understand why I do that my parents since I first found out they have been misunderstanding me.
Yeessss, but I’m going to be careful here because ALS is a real issue. And I shouldn’t write it off as tryhard just because it appears in the story, though. The thing is, though, she’s not some big mystery for being upset that her mother has muscular atrophy. That sucks. You’re not special or mysterious for being a child in pain for a parent. That’s just life. Don’t sit in your room and sulk, help her out! Be with her!
“Are you okay?”
One day I was texting the Doctor and my best friend saw me.
“I thought they communicated telepathically?”
Of course I had to tell her what I was, thinking I could trust her but in the end she didn’t keep the secret and my parents foundout. They were worried and told me not to continue it. It was the first time I kept my secret. And I haven’t told anyone since worried they might betray me and tell someone. So I hide who I am, a timelord the Doctors daughter. Everyday just wishing somehow someone will see the true me and understand.
This person has no idea how to use punctuation, does she?
Songs. One thing I like about songs is they show who you are more than words ever could or understand you more then people ever could.
And now, something completely different.
“I feel I should sympathize for crystal’s wanting to be understood… But I don’t.”
That’s because it’s kind of dropped on your head. crystal isn’t actually being sympathetic, she’s speaking sympathetic, of you know what I mean.
“I can see you’re going to continue, but I recommend stopping because we’re slowing down the pace of the story significantly.”
You’re right. Down to business.
listen to Doctor who songs, ones that are heart warming and make me smile because I can relate to them.
“I thought this story took place in the universe of Doctor Who? But she’s apparently seen the show.”
Here we go.
Usually they are songs that were made on utube with pictures including the song itself. One of my favorites is a song called a a thousand years. So many promises so many dreams. I have waited a thousand years for the Doctor. I would wait a thousand more for him.
Just to be the man who’d walk a thousand miles to fall down at your door!
In all seriousness, though, Google that song. It’s just as good as she promises. Don’t let its affiliation with Twilight scare you off.
“I thought she said it’s a Doctor Who song.”
It’s not. And if it was, she shouldn’t be able to listen to it. So reality saved her from a hole she dug herself.
Also, YouTube, not utube.
As I was listening to one of my utube YouTube songs the Doctor texted me right on time. I joyfully got out of utube YouTube and taped on my best friend alex.
She did what?
Alex is my other timelord friend she was the one who helped me find the Doctor and without meeting her I couldn’t of met him and found out who I was.
“I thought crystal was upset because she was the only Time Lord on Earth and couldn’t relate to other humans.”
No, don’t you see, Ceseigh… Time Lord is code for Whovian! You were right the whole time, this is pretty much just a diary of the author’s fantasies of being a real Time Lord.
She isn’t a full timelord she’s actually the cyberplanners great great great granddaughter. The Doctor does a sort of telpathic link with her. It’s the only way I can talk to him.
Aside from texting, of course.
And it’s how I met him. Though her. Like literally though her. I text back a greeting. “Hi Doctor” me and him swap stories of what strange things we saw that day.
I imagine he usually has the better stories.
“Which is why he has the television show.”
Ugh. This next conversation is written all in the same paragraph. I’m going to break it up. For my own sake.
“So how was your day?” He asked me.
“It was ok” not mentioning that I was lonely “I met a new friend today, her name is oliva”
I waited as he was texting back “wait oliva? No it can’t be” I was curious to what he meant by that response
“what is it?”
He replied “oliva was your old best friend on gallifrey”
“How many Time Lords are in this town?”
I don’t know. At this point in the timeline, the Doctor is supposed to be the only one in existence (Aside from his clone, his wife, the Master and the Time Lord planet stuck in suspended animation), so I’m pretty sure crystal has simply figured out that her new friend is a Whovian.
I thought about oliva not having much memorys of my past I found it cool
Well, duh. olivia doesn’t have your memories.
“I think the author may have missed a comma.”
Ah. Well, that changes everything.
“woah, so she’s a timelord, my old best friend. Wow. So that means I’m not the only timelord at my school”
Alright, I can sympathize with crystal, now.
“Really? How so?”
She’s a nerd at a new school, looking for more nerds after she moved. I relate to her, now. Being the only RWBY fan up in Jock-Town, CA was pretty difficult. After moving to a place with more cultural diversity, I found some more RWBY fans to talk to, and it was the most fun I’ve had all year.
I was already excited for the next day to come to ask her things. But I felt joy in the fact that I don’t have to face all those enemys at my school alone. I talked more with him and found out that the enemies at my school had a plan for the whole week. I had to keep an eye out and be careful.
Oh, yeah. The random Whovian enemies who wouldn’t possibly be found in the same place. I forgot about that.
“Probably a representation of bullies?”
I’m thinking of a representation of her loneliness. My enemys surround me. But at least I’m not alone now. Timelords always find each other.
End of chapter 4. That took longer than expected.
“Because you went on a rant over every little thing the author said.”
Well, I feel sorry for her, now. Which may be against Library policy, but I do. It should make this next chapter go by more quickly, though.
It’s been over a month now. No word from the Doctor no telpathic messages or exciting strange things happening. I have no friends and no one takes notice of me. My secret life of blending in is taking a toll on me more then I would think it would. I’m lonely, I feel like I’m invisable that no one cares. I have so many questions that need answers to and so much in my life that doesn’t make sense.
Find the cliques! They’re not too difficult to find. I hear Time Lords are rather fond of custard.
“Or blue buttons.”
Or any references to Police Boxes. That should bring them flocking.
I’m just living a daily boring routine. Home, school, home,Weekend. Everyday wishing that something exciting would happen or just something different. All together dealing with the everyday pain from seeing my mom in her condition.
“Oh, yes, sympathy story.”
I’m honestly not sure at this point. This is clearly a thinly-veiled wish fulfillment story with a Sue-ified main character, but I can’t tell if crystal actually has a sick mother or if that’s just a sympathy play for the Sue. So, no making fun of Mom, kay?
I needed to get it out. But with no one to talk to no Doctor to heal me I am tearing in two. Often times I had been feeling torn between my two lives. The life of adventure and excitement with the Doctor or my normal life. But when both are tearing you part it’s hard to choose.
Although, despite my sympathy for crystal, I’m getting a little tired of hearing her sulk about it. I thought we were reading a Doctor Who fic.
I decided to write a letter. I would have no way to send it to my dad. But I started writing it anyway. I wrote, my situation how I missed him. How the pain in my life is tearing me apart. Then I went on to the questions that I still didn’t have answers to. Asking like, do you even care? Why can I never see you? I guess I was a bit mad at him for from my point of view. Him ignoring me and feeling like he never cares about me. Somehow I would find a way to give him the letter.
He doesn’t talk to you because he isn’t real! Or he his. I don’t know at this point. Maybe it’s both.
“You look a little frazzled.”
Because the story has become pure author tract!
I looked up from writing the letter, mrs. Hardich was standing in the doorway of my history classroom she was dealing with another student but I felt her gaze on me.
Whoop. You just broke down and started writing a letter in the middle of History class?
“I remember when my Jedi Master found me writing a boy’s name during studies.”
How did that turn out?
“Jedi don’t take to romance very well.”
She was watching me. It hasn’t been the first time I’ve caught her watching me. Yesterday as I was leaving her and the Co principal were looking out of he school building just watching me. I don’t know why they were so interested in me but I was determined to find out.
They’re probably trying to figure out how to make you pay attention during class.
“Also, if crystal is trying to keep her identity as the Doctor’s daughter secret amongst a hive of his enemies, wouldn’t it be blatant idiocy to write him a letter in clear view of one of the conspirators?”
Yes. Yes, it would be.
The next time the Doctor shows its one thing I have to tell him.
It’s the end of the week get home.
I think crystal a few words there?
“She what a few words?”
Ceseigh… Chapter 18, running gags and parodic comments.
“That was important, too?”
What did you think was important in that book?
As my normal routine. I start to get depressed as I get on my tablet and see no one on. No one to talk to. More lonely time in the hardest time in my life. I am the kind of person that holds all the pain inside of me not trying to get it out.
Yeah, that’s not the way to do things.
Or knowing if I can.
“You feeling okay?”
Yeah, that one just struck a little close to home for me.
“Come on, Andy. This is your first riff.”
I don’t want to be depressed but everything seems to pile on my hearts. I’m pretty sure one of my hearts are already torn in two. I turn on my utube channel and listen to my songs marked in the sad song section.
Whoop. And there’s the Gilesbie we were promised.
Wondering when will my life get better. And struggling to keep hope for tomorrow.
UGH. That’s the end of chapter five, people. I can’t tell if this writing is excessively angsty, or if the author actually thinks like this. I can’t tell what’s real here. crystal is an obvious self-insert, but where does the self end and the insert begin?
“I think you should calm down.”
Holy crap. First fic and it hits me right in the gut. I’ve totally been where crystal is, or seems to be. If it’s fiction, then I would be able to laugh. But I don’t know. I don’t know.
Sorry, patrons. Librarians, especially. This is Andiliteman, signing off.