1619: The Secret Life – Parts One, Two, and Three

Title: The Secret Life
Author: secretgallefrey17
Media: Television
Topic: Doctor Who
Genre: None Listed
URL: The Secret Life
Critiqued by Andiliteman and Ceseigh

Hello, there, patrons, Librarians and other such people weird enough to find your way here. I’m Andiliteman, and I am your guest riffer for the day. You can call me Andy if you so please. Today, I’m doing a pretty piece of work suggested to us by Cassandra Oakdown called “The Secret Life.” It’s a Doctor Who fic written by secretgallefrey17, all lowercase even though it’s supposed to be her name. Hm. Apparently, the highlight of this story is a Mary Sue whom Cassandra compared to Tara Gilesbie, which should be, imaginably, immense fun for everyone involved.

Now, flipping through the archives, we haven’t done a Doctor Who fic yet, which, I guess, means I should introduce it. Doctor Who is an extremely popular British sci-fi television program about a human-looking alien with two hearts who calls himself the Doctor. He explores the universe in a spaceship/time machine called the TARDIS, which looks like a little phone box on the outside, but is actually a massive alien transport on the inside. The Doctor usually travels with a female companion, but usually also takes in boyfriends, spouses, siblings and so forth. One thing that has allowed the show to go on for so long is the Doctor’s alien ability to regenerate, otherwise known as changing actors when he dies.

So, that should be it for the synopsis. What else am I forgetting?

“Ahem,”

Ah, that’s right. My partner in crime, Ceseigh. An OC of mine who started as a…

“Can we not discuss the matter of my manifestation?”

I have to at least say what you were originally called. Please?

“Speak that name in my presence and I will end you.”

Alright, cool beans. What’s past is past. Who Ceseigh is NOW, is a badass Jedi antihero with big-ass shoulders and dual lightsabers (a purple and a yellow). She explores the galaxy, mostly just trying to get by, but also bringing her brand of justice on those who deserve it.

“I found the dichotomy of the Jedi order simply ridiculous, dealing only in absolutes with no room for the complexities that arise simply by being in a complex world. So I took to the skies.”

And what lovely skies they were, Ceseigh. Let’s get on to the riff. The chapters are fairly short, and the first is more a prologue than anything, so I hope to knock three of these out by the end of this riff.

“I still don’t understand. Why am I here?”

Because I get tired of my own voice and need someone to play off of. Now read that handout I gave you so you can keep up.

“Alright… This is more of an encyclopedia than a handbook, though.”

On to the fic!

I look up at the night sky out my window. The sky is full of stars that pierce though the darkness. I look up and think, the Doctor Is up there somewhere.., its been four months since the last time I talked to him he hasn’t answered my telpathic messages or even shown up, but he never has. So many questions I have and no answers to them. Why did he just drop me off those years ago? Why would a father do that to his daughter? Does he even care or love me. I know In my heart he does but he never shows it. Why do I not remember my past? So much I don’t know and I long to have the answers for.

So, right off the bat we have a rather angsty whatchamacallit from someone who is apparently the Doctor’s abandoned daughter, keeps telepathic correspondence with him, and was abandoned in the past. You keeping track of this?

“Yes I am. And, if this handout is to be trusted, this points to our narrator being the ‘Mary Sue’ you spoke of earlier.”

Correct. However, Time Lords tend to be pretty Sue-ish to begin with. The Doctor also tends to be pretty serious about abandonment. So that almost negates the Sue points, but we should still keep an eye on it.

The Doctor never let’s me see him, and nothing exciting happens in my life except for the occasional strange out of the ordinary things.

“How strange or out of the ordinary is strange or out of the ordinary?”

Good question. Given we’re talking about someone living a normal life and someone living in the Whoniverse, we could be talking about either car accidents or alien invasions.

Also, lets. No apostrophe.

Every night I find myself looking up at the stars wondering where the Doctor is and wishing he would at least talk to me. Ever since that summer I found out if was a timelord my whole world has changed. I’m a timelord, im not from earth, my home is somewhere far away.

I, not if. Time Lord, not timelord. I’m, not im.

“Get on with it.”

Our narrator seems to have an aversion to identifying pronouns.

“I say again get on with it!”

Gallifrey. And the planet I thought without a doubt was my home turns out that it wasnt.

Pardon?

“Given she recently discovered she was an alien, she could be referring to Earth.”

In which part of the sentence?

“The first part, after she latches on to the Time Lord planet.”

I’m the Doctors daughter.

So, a bunch of doctors got together and…

“Yes, she failed to use the possessive term. At this rate, a four-hundred word prologue is going to become the size of this handout.”

A name I take pride in. It’s who I am. Along with so many other things that make up who I am. When someone tells you something so impossible and unbelievable like that you have to question impossible not doubt it.

How many times did you have to read that to understand what she was saying?

“Once.”

Did you use the Force?

“No.”

Because that sentence could be worded much better.

I’ve been searching everyday for evidence and I have found it. A timelord is who it am it’s my personality it’s my dream for adventure it’s my impossible secret life that I live.

And the fact that you have an extra heartbeat, which would really seal the deal for me.

My name is crystal my secret name is Katrina and this is the story of my life.

Time Lord names include Torvald, Narvin, Pythia, Shonnzi, Reogus, Ao and Troppolsabler. The best you could do was Katrina? Really?

“I admit, it is a rather uninspired name.”

Aaand that’s the prologue!

“What did we establish here?”

I’m not certain. Continuing.

It was the first day of school another start to a new year, ever since the crazy summer my life has been, not making sense and confusing. I get on the bus following everyone else. Over the summer I was told that a lot of my dad’s enemys were surrounding the school waiting for me on the first day. So I had dreaded that first day when I had to go.

“That’s frightening.”

Enemies.

“Enough. Who told her that the Doctor’s enemies were around the school? The Doctor?”

I suppose so. Though, if the Doctor hasn’t spoken to her in four months, that covers the entire summer. So it couldn’t possibly be him.

The Doctor had informed me on what I should do if someone asked questions about me or him or if I saw something strange. We had a whole plan of swapping stories about if we saw anything strange that day.

How strange are we talking here?

Apparently the master is my principal in disguise, weeping angels in the front yard and daleks in a underground floor that wasn’t supposed to be there.

“Sounds like the spooky stories I’ve heard parents tell their children.”

Yeah. And apparently, the Master is actually a strange amalgam of crystal’s principal, a stone angel and an alien tank in a suit. That’s a plot twist I didn’t see coming.

“It must be an impressive suit to house such a strange combination of creatures so seamlessly.”

Yeah. And getting them to cooperate must be a pain in the ass, as well.

I was never very alert of people around me, but back then I didn’t know I was a timelord.

When you know that your deadliest enemys the daleks and weeping angels along with the master are all waiting for you at the school you can try not to be scared but it doesn’t work too, well.

Time Lord. Enemies. Daleks with a capital D. Master with a capital M.

*Ceseigh smacks Andy’s shoulder.*

Hey. Don’t do that.

“Only if you stop that incessant correction.”

*Huff.* Fine.

Anyway, why are so many of these random enemies who, again, would never cooperate, so obsessed with hunting down the Doctor’s long-lost daughter?

“Perhaps she could grow up to be like him.”

Unlikely.

“Perhaps it’s to spite the Doctor.”

That’s like throwing rocks at a rancor for the hell of it. The Doctor’s enemies know to avoid him at all costs unless absolutely necessary.

I also wasn’t one that’s very good at hiding my emotions I’m going to have to learn how to do that, one so no one asks questions and two so the master can’t find me within all the students.

Uhh… What?

“Allow me.”

I also wasn’t very good at hiding my emotions. I’m going to have to learn how to do that for two reasons: One, so no one asks questions and two, so the Master can’t find me among the students.

Ah. Thanks.

“You’re welcome.”

Alright. So, how does the Master even know she’s among his student body? Why does he care?

“Because she’s the Doctor’s child.”

Yeah, but, to be perfectly honest, he has a couple of those, and the universe doesn’t revolve around any of them like that.

I stepped on the bus with a deep breath, to get me ready for this day. This year will definitely be a interesting year. Along with all the other years after. My life is now changed. ” Hope today goes well” I think as I sit on the seat on the bus siting right up to the window. Geronimo.

So, we seem to be dealing with the Eleventh Doctor right now. Geronimo was his favorite word. That’s nice to know.

Even with knowing all the enemys are after me I took some reassurance in the fact that the Doctor, my dad.

“That the Doctor, your dad what?”

I think crystal’s just happy that the Doctor is her dad.

“Okay.”

Was going to be my math teacher.

Who’s going to be her math teacher?

“Was.”

Ah. Was.

Well more specific, my chemistry teacher.

Is that more specific? I always saw chemistry as a science thing. There’s a lot of math involved, but overall it’s science.

How cool is that. Surrounded by enemys and me and my dad stuck in the middle.

Ah. See, this is why I brough you, Ceseigh.

“Oh, joy.”

I know, right? So, when you were a padawan and your master jumped in the deep end of some wasp’s nest of things wanting to kill you, was it cool?

“Well, with something like that, I wouldn’t have been able to function properly. I was quite fearful when I was younger. Except my master never did anything like that because he wasn’t the kind of fool to put a child in harm’s way like that.”

Wow, good point. I didn’t think of that.

“That’s why I’m here.”

It would be the first time I have saw seen him. Which I don’t know why but he never let’s me see him, maybe someday I will figure it out.

“What are you doing to the narrative?”

Nothing. Keep reading.

Today was a nervous first day as it would be for most students, it not only was going to a new school and my first day in high school, that made me nervous it was the fact that it’s my first time going to school knowing I’m an timelord.

WOW.

“Put that pen away.”

Nah, this sentence is a lost cause. But what I was “wow”ing at was the fact that crystal-Sue is going to her first day in high school.

“Enlighten me.”

crystal is fourteen years old! And the Doctor is just letting her wander into a school that’s being steaked out by alien squid tanks! And even better, he doesn’t seem to be doing anything about it. If anything, he’s actually drawing attention to his kid by showing up there with her.

“Though you said these enemies have a healthy fear for the Doctor.”

They’re afraid of him because he’s not an idiot. What he’s doing now is idiocy.

The master and other enemys allready waiting for me. I just hope all goes well this day.

The bus pulled up to my new school, I grab my things and step off the bus. And look around. No weeping angels like the Doctor said. Hmm wonder why. Looking around a bit nervous on where they could be. I start walking after still taking a few steps slowly towards the school. It’s time to go undercover. To hide Is plain sight.

“Is it technically undercover if she’s supposed to be there in the first place?”

I don’t know. Her narration seems to imply that she lived a normal life until sometime last year when she discovered she was an alien. I’d assume all she’d need to do to remain hidden is avoid stethoscopes.

Well, that’s the first chapter. At least stuff happened.

“That’s an improvement.”

Well, on to chapter two. This should be easy.

When you find out your the Doctors daughter you want to expect everything at once. A whole adventure in one day, in the start of so many other adventures. But number one rule the Doctor lies.

“When did he tell her that?”

Actually, that’s a repeated phrase from his wife in the show.

“So when did crystal meet his wife?”

I don’t know. She’s never even met the Doctor, apparently. Also, I want to know how she knows about all this adventure stuff. What was the nature of this incident that revealed her to be a Time Lord? How much about the Doctor does she actually know?

“Given how crystal seems to be aware of everything learned on the show, it’s perfectly possible this story is simply the collection of the daydreams of an audience member. ”

That very well could be.

I walk Into the building and I see a lot of the staff members standing around the entrance greeting all the students. One of them the principal. Looking directly at me. Now one thing I learned over the summer was that my principal was the master, and with knowing my principal the year before I knew she was also lady and had been there for a while.

“The Master’s a woman, then?”

Yeah, that was one story arc. But this tells us that this was written post-Amy, as well.

“Amy?”

Yes, one of the Eleventh Doctor’s companions. After losing her, the Doctor picks up Clara. The second major story arc with Clara involves the woman Master. However, she only revealed her identity to the Doctor, and she got disintegrated soon afterward.

“So, crystal shouldn’t know about this?”

I don’t know! There’s no context to any of this! I don’t know how much crystal knows! I don’t know when in the Doctor’s timeline this is, and I don’t know why the hell she’s so important!

*Ceseigh flips through handbook* “Could the answer to that last one be ‘Suefluence?’”

Very probably.

The master disguised as a lady as my principal. I saw though her disguise.

The Master is not disguised as a lady. She is a lady. She is disguised as the principal, however.

Though as nervous as I was for this day confronting the master wasn’t on my list of things I wanted to do, so I quickly made my way to the chapel where I would along with all of the other students get our schedules and get introduced/ getting settled into our new classes.

A chapel? Huh. As a homeschooler, I can’t say I’m very experienced with high school grounds, but I’ve never heard of a chapel on one.

“I have seen many cultures where religion and education are one in the same.”

Eh. Oh, look, we also have a random tense shift at the end of that sentence.

It was going to be a sad year. All my friends I had last year had graduated, I know and lot of people from the school but only one or two I could name as my friends.

Two friends is all you need!

i was given my schedule and it looked over it. Chemistry and geometry my first and last classes of the day. Hmm already the master is trying to split us up. I think.

Why!? The only way that would work is if the Master knew that both his arch nemesis and crystal were in the same place. Why keep up the masquerade? Just do whatever it is you’re planning on doing to them.

“I’m becoming more and more convinced that this is simply a collection of the author’s regular daydreams.”

It Is then time to go to my first class and meet me new teacher me hoping it is my dad.

Me salty sea-dog ‘o a father gunna be teachin’ me first class ‘o th’ day.

“What the hell are you doing?”

I be mockin’ how many times Crystal uses th’ word “Me” in that sentence. It made her sound like she was shoutin’ like a scurvy pirate.

“It’s making me uncomfortable. I want you to stop.”

Yeah, that was weird.

I step into the classroom and see that no one Is in there. The Doctor must be running late. Or he’s not coming at all to be my teacher which leaves me here with the expectations that he is going to be my geometry teacher.

The daydream theory seems more likely by the minute. I’ve totally had that experience.

“Have you ever wished to be instructed by the Doctor?”

A doctor.

“Is it one I know?”

It’s Doctor Oobleck.

“I am pretending not to recognize that name.”

*Snickers*

The day passed very slowly

“Much like this story.”

until I finally walked into my geometry class. Looking at my schedule at the name of the teacher of this class. A strange name I can’t pronounce was on the paper my one thought. The Doctor isn’t coming.

Unless, of course, the Doctor is working under an alias, which he frequently does.

“Why would he, though? It seems the Master already knows he’s there.”

Maybe it’s to hide from the Daleks.

I look up as the principal walks Into the class room. I avoid her gaze at me and think about why she Is Is here. Next to her is her husband or so he calls himself. “Good evening everyone, I’d like to introduce to you, your sub for today your geometry teacher, we have not gotten a teacher for you this class so mr. Hardich will be your teacher”

Wait, the high school neglected to get a geometry teacher? So the principal is just going to drop her husband there as a sub? Who runs this place?

“Apparently the Master.”

Well, she’s not very good at it.

after her looking directly at me again she left the room leaving me alone with the Co principal and most likely an associate of the master to be my teacher.

“The co-principal? Her husband, then? Or the substitute?”

Like I would know.

“Wouldn’t a co-principal also have better things to do than teach geometry?”

Like I would know!

One of the Doctors instructions for this day was to not trust the teachers. I had that situation now and yes I did not trust him. He seemed to be strangely happy. Making jokes and doing a wierd meant to be amusing voice that matched daffy duck, which I didn’t much care for. I knew he was acting.

Well, when teachers start talking like Daffy Duck, they’re generally acting in hopes of lifting the students’ spirits. They’re usually just as nervous about a new class as you are, and want to make a good first impression. Also, this guy sounds a lot like my Public Speaking teacher in college, who is a perfectly respectable woman. Chipper and a touch eccentric, but completely trustworthy.

Putting on the act for the other students. I didn’t trust him. But just knowing I’m In a room with a teacher that most likely is plotting in secret to kill me is very intimidating and if not at all making me nervous. Not quite as much as when the master and him were in here. Blimey.

When the end of the day came I got on the bus again and on my way home. Nothing had happened no adventure no Doctor and just the masters glares to make me nervous all day. This was going to be a long year. Anything could happen any of the days. This was just the first day.

You know, most stories tend to start when things get interesting. Like, when you go on an adventure with the Doctor.

“Or when you discover you’re an alien.”

That, too.

I felt a big disappointment when I got home. It’s not like I ask to be captured or to have some sort of bad thing happen concerning daleks or weeping angels or anything like that but.

But what?

All my life I have dreamed of having a more exciting life, an adventurous life. In the mists of my boring everyday life with only a few exciting things happening.

Like what?

For when I found out.

What?

“Okay, you can stop that, now.”

I thought everything would change, that I would have a more exciting life. A life with my dad and being extraordinary. But I see now, as I’m thinking about it in my room. That I expected too much in the first day and in continue to wonder if in will ever have that dream life.

“I think this pretty much confirms the daydream theory.”

I’d say you’re right about that. So, that was the prologue and first two chapters of The Secret Life. I’m Andiliteman and this is Ceseigh, signing off. Thanks for reading, patrons.

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56 Comments on “1619: The Secret Life – Parts One, Two, and Three”

  1. GhostCat says:

    Now, flipping through the archives, we haven’t done a Doctor Who fic yet, which, I guess, means I should introduce it.

    Technically we haven’t done a riff of a DW fic, but I did feature one that was a crossover with Shaun of The Dead as a Sunday Special back in the early days of the Library.

    https://literarytravesty.wordpress.com/2012/03/04/sunday-special-doomsday-scenario-4/

  2. GhostCat says:

    Good question. Given we’re talking about someone living a normal life and someone living in the Whoniverse, we could be talking about either car accidents or alien invasions.

    And for some reason the alien invasions tend to happen more frequently around Christmas.

  3. GhostCat says:

    I’m the Doctors daughter.

    A name I take pride in.

    That’s not a name, even by Gallifreyan standards. Does she make everyone address her as Doctor’s Daughter? Because that’s going to make even casual conversations a bit awkward.

  4. GhostCat says:

    Apparently the master is my principal in disguise, weeping angels in the front yard and daleks in a underground floor that wasn’t supposed to be there.

    I bet her homeroom teacher is a Sontaran and the gym teacher is a Judoon! Today they are having lessons on the bitchy trampoline.

  5. GhostCat says:

    Was going to be my math teacher.

    Well more specific, my chemistry teacher.

    Crystal/Katrina is very not good at school.

  6. GhostCat says:

    The Master is not disguised as a lady. She is a lady. She is disguised as the principal, however.

    And isn’t the female version called Missy, short for Mistress, rather than Master?

  7. AdmiralSakai says:

    I’ve been searching everyday for evidence and I have found it. A timelord is who it am it’s my personality it’s my dream for adventure it’s my impossible secret life that I live.

    Your secret life? Are you sure it’s not your inner life…?

  8. AdmiralSakai says:

    Apparently the master is my principal in disguise

    The Master’s true identity is a school principal on 21st century Earth?

  9. AdmiralSakai says:

    a school that’s being steaked out by alien squid tanks!

  10. AdmiralSakai says:

    Blimey.

    So, her school has a principal instead of a headmaster, but she still says blimey.

    I think the ‘fic is just going to average out to being set in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean.

  11. GhostCat says:

    A chapel? Huh. As a homeschooler, I can’t say I’m very experienced with high school grounds, but I’ve never heard of a chapel on one.

    There wouldn’t be a chapel (or church) in any state-run public school in the US, but private schools – especially church-run schools – could have them. I’m not sure about in the UK, though.

  12. BatJamags says:

    The sky is full of stars

    Dammit. I spent ten minutes waiting through a video of the end of 2001: A Space Odyssey trying to figure out where the “My God, it’s full of stars” line comes from, and it wasn’t even in the video. Was that even in the original movie or just the beginning of 2010? This is why I need to watch more Kubrick movies…

    • GhostCat says:

      I think it’s in the book, but I can’t remember if it’s in the movie. It’s been a while since I’ve seen it. Maybe after the wooshy bit?

      • BatJamags says:

        I found another video of the beginning of 2010 that had it, but no indication whether it was in the movie version of 2001. I assume it must’ve been, since the scene I was watching was basically just regurgitating 2001‘s plot as exposition.

  13. BatJamags says:

    Why would a father do that to his daughter?

    I’ve not seen a single episode of Doctor Who ever and what I know about the show is basically just what you put at the top of the riff, but I’m going to take a wild guess and say that this is probably bullshit already.

    • GhostCat says:

      The odd thing is, there’s an episode that deals with all of this. During the Tenth Doctor’s run, he was forced to create a cross-gendered clone by some hostile natives and at first he was extremely reluctant to have anything to do with her because she reminded him of Gallifrey and all the family he lost when he destroyed the planet. (Only he didn’t really, but he didn’t know that at the time.)The episode is even titled The Doctor’s Daughter.

  14. BatJamags says:

    “I say again get on with it!”

  15. BatJamags says:

    When someone tells you something so impossible and unbelievable like that you have to question impossible not doubt it.

    See, those are all words that mean things, but when you put them together, it doesn’t make a sentence that means a thing.

  16. BatJamags says:

    Enemies.

    Has the time come for you to live up to full-life consequences and help your brother to defeat the enemys?

  17. BatJamags says:

    How strange are we talking here?

    Let me necromancy up a joke from my comments on When You’re Strange to show you.

    *Fires Door Launcher*

  18. BatJamags says:

    Me salty sea-dog ‘o a father gunna be teachin’ me first class ‘o th’ day.

    “What the hell are you doing?”

    I be mockin’ how many times Crystal uses th’ word “Me” in that sentence. It made her sound like she was shoutin’ like a scurvy pirate.

    “It’s making me uncomfortable. I want you to stop.”

    Yeah, that was weird.

    YARR! Who ya be callin’ weird, mateys? I don’t be takin’ kindly to havin’ me accent insulted, ye scurvy dogs!

  19. BatJamags says:

    Hardich

    That’s really not that hard to pronounce. It’s either something like “Hardik” or “Harditch,” likely the first one.

  20. Leider Hosen says:

    Andy! You finally found your muse. Proud o’ ye kid, ya done reel gud.

  21. Leider Hosen says:

    I look up at the night sky out my window. The sky is full of stars that pierce though the darkness. I look up and think, the Doctor Is up there somewhere.., its been four months since the last time I talked to him he hasn’t answered my telpathic messages or even shown up, but he never has. So many questions I have and no answers to them. Why did he just drop me off those years ago? Why would a father do that to his daughter? Does he even care or love me. I know In my heart he does but he never shows it. Why do I not remember my past? So much I don’t know and I long to have the answers for.

    Lay off the fucking punctuation. Constant fullstops are tedious and annoying. There is no hard limit to how long a sentence can be. Phrases pertaining to the same idea belong to the same sentence. Sentences should express a complete idea.

  22. Leider Hosen says:

    Ever since that summer I found out if was a timelord my whole world has changed. I’m a timelord, im not from earth, my home is somewhere far away.

    BLARING ALARM BLARES

    Don’t worry Andy, I got this shit! Unleash the Daleks!

    • Leider Hosen says:

      It was the first day of school another start to a new year, ever since the crazy summer my life has been, not making sense and confusing.

      I need backup! Repeat, I need backup! The DRD are throwing everything they have at me!

      • agigabyte says:

        *Several Platoons of Trained Military Professionals appear and begin fighting off the DRD*

      • Leider Hosen says:

        Now one thing I learned over the summer was that my principal was the master, and with knowing my principal the year before I knew she was also lady and had been there for a while.

        The master disguised as a lady as my principal. I saw though her disguise.

        STOP! For the love of all that is good in the galaxy and me and agig surviving this Riff, stop repeating yourself! That sentence at the end says exactly what you just said a moment ago but in more condensed form!

        BWEEEEEEEEEEEEEM

        And where did the DRD get Star Destroyers!?!

        • agigabyte says:

          (Eh. I’ll be fine. I’m wayyyyyy behind the fourth- Ow! Fine, DuFresne. I get it. You’re an important enough character that you can ignore it. Please go back to the comments and do whatever it is you do to avoid having to fight the Library alongside the rest of the DR!. -agig, the author)

          *Suddenly and from behind, the Star Destroyers are hit with weapons fire from the PCDF Mystic and her accompanying fleet.

      • GhostCat says:

        And where did the DRD get Star Destroyers!?!

        …DAMMIT, BIFOCALS!

      • BatJamags says:

        *Sigh* Amateurs.

        HEY! DRD! THAT’S A BIG SMALL FLEET ARMY YOU NON-POSSESSIVELY HAVE THERE!

        *Alarms blare silently*

        There, now we just let the DRD and the DCA/DCB fight it out.

        • agigabyte says:

          Cain: I was trying to spare DuFresne and his company the trouble. We would have taken far fewer losses fighting the DRD than DuFresne’s people fighting the DCA/DCB.

      • BatJamags says:

        Ah, so you’re worried about casualties and resource expenditure. How sickeningly responsible of you. I’m just here to cause pretty explosions.

      • Syl says:

        [snorts] Like I’d ever lead a military force. I don’t like being in authority, gives me hives something awful.

  23. agigabyte says:

    secretgallefrey17, all lowercase even though it’s supposed to be her name. Hm.

    Hey, my name is all-lowercase. Although, it is primarily because I’ve been going by this for long enough that Agigabyte looks stupid to me. Compare it to SecretGallefrey17.

  24. Jon Arbuckle says:

    “dealing only in absolutes”

    • Leider Hosen says:

      “We need you to bring balance to the force! Please absolutely eradicate all Sith and followers of the Dark Side because they are absolutely pure evil bastards with absolutely no redeeming qualities. Also, experiencing any positive emotions absolutely without fail will absolutely make you a pure evil asshole by absolutely sending you down the slippery slope of absolute villainy, absolutely.”

      -Love, The Jedi.

  25. Leider Hosen says:

    It was the first day of school another start to a new year, ever since the crazy summer my life has been, not making sense and confusing. I get on the bus following everyone else. Over the summer I was told that a lot of my dad’s enemys were surrounding the school waiting for me on the first day. So I had dreaded that first day when I had to go.

    The Doctor had informed me on what I should do if someone asked questions about me or him or if I saw something strange. We had a whole plan of swapping stories about if we saw anything strange that day.

    Apparently the master is my principal in disguise, weeping angels in the front yard and daleks in a underground floor that wasn’t supposed to be there.

    “Damian Darkheart the Dark got his first session of summer school after discovering his Dark origins as the third cousin of Black Widow’s daughter, which changed everything.

    He had to be careful because the school superintendent was Hitler and Stalin was the financial adviser. Ultron was also running the school computers and the servers themselves were built by Skynet. The history teacher was the leader of the Illuminati who was actually The Joker playing a prank on the world. Hannibal Lector was doing the catering services while Jason Voorhes was the Phys Ed instructor. The student body was actually composed entirely of zombies being lead by the Nazghul, who were collectively disguised as the English teacher.

    And Damian Darkheart the Dark couldn’t go near the lake because Black Manta’s submarine was down there and the sky had the killer birds from Birdemic and the Moon Nazi’s from Iron Sky called in by Hitler. Yuri was also using a stolen allied weather machine to summon a fleet of Sharknados to block the road, and the bus was driven by Stan from Prayer Warriors.

    Then Damian decided to just say “fuck it” and stay home, completely averting the crisis. The End.”

  26. Jon Arbuckle says:

    “A timelord is who it am it’s my personality”

    Apparently every time lord has exactly the same personality. Who knew?

  27. Jon Arbuckle says:

    “Surrounded by enemys and me and my dad stuck in the middle.”

    Clowns were to the left of her and jokers were to the right.

  28. Leider Hosen says:

    Well, when teachers start talking like Daffy Duck, they’re generally acting in hopes of lifting the students’ spirits. They’re usually just as nervous about a new class as you are, and want to make a good first impression. Also, this guy sounds a lot like my Public Speaking teacher in college, who is a perfectly respectable woman. Chipper and a touch eccentric, but completely trustworthy.

    I have a Shakespeare teacher that acts just like Ryan Reynolds (Deadpool), and he’s badass.

  29. Leider Hosen says:

    No Text wall. Too tired. So I’ll summarize with this:

    Yer fic is bad and u shud feel bad!


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