1579: Digiball Z: The Movie – Chapter OnePosted: October 31, 2016
Title: Digiball Z: The Movie
Author: Dakari-King Mykan
Topic: Digimon/Dragonball Z
URL: Chapter One
Critiqued by AwkwardFerret
Note: Many of the riffs contain sexual references that may be off-putting to some. The original story does not contain any graphic sexual content.
Welcome, one and all, to my first submission to The Library! I’ve had some amount of experience with fanfic riffing before, on a forum known as Project AFTER. Unfortunately, well…some drama happened, and AFTER is largely dead. However, one particular riff (or “mock”, as the forum called it) still stands out to me, of a particularly execrable story by the infamous Dakari-King Mykan, known as Digiball Z: A New Era of Power.
Long story short, Davis is emo because Kari keeps putting out for TK instead of him, so he whines to the ghost of his dad and he and Veemon get superpowers. Then he blows up Myotismon, who’s also Cell for some reason, and they use a bunch of fake Dragon Balls that Gennai made to fix everything and give everybody else superpowers. Also, Gatomon and Veemon become a couple because…Kari and Davis become a couple, I guess? The point is, it sucked dick, and the original mock can be read here:
But it turns out DKM wrote a number of sequels to this opus, variously ripping off Dragonball Z and other sources. This one in particular seems to borrow a plot from Inuyasha for no immediately obvious reason. But enough talk! It’s time to riff:
DIGIBALL Z: THE MOVIE!
Aka: how long you can stand to read this thing.
Three Months had passed since Davis destroyed Cell-Myotismon with his powers of the mighty Goku.
Well, okay, it wasn’t really Goku’s power,
You lying sack of shit.
but it was very much like him. Thanks to the Digieggs of Courage Friendship and Miracles Davis had collected.
Each egg contained a hidden power waiting to be unleashed, the more eggs you had, the stronger you’d be.
Don’t fuck with any spiders, then, they have TONS of eggs. Creepy little bastards…
As for Veemon, his trusty sidekick who could Sprit Digivolve into Angel-Veemon, a Times-10 Mega level Digimon. He assisted Davis in their new found pastime.
Davis now had a job with the International police force, and he flew around the city at night looking for criminals to bust up, and they payment he received really helped him.
Of course, Davis’ definition of “criminal” is rather broad, so he mostly ends up pummeling jaywalkers and the homeless.
Ever since Davis’ father had died, there was a time when he, his mother, and Sister Jun, had been living on very hard times. Payments rapidly increasing, jobs not showing enough welfare…
What a bunch of parasites, am I right?
But now that was all behind them. Davis’ Mother finally got a well paid office job for global warming.
That report about how many tires she burned in the middle of a protected forest got her a sizeable raise.
What? It said for global warming.
Jun had finally gotten all the Medical experience she needed and received her doctorate that month.
Definitely how being a medical doctor works.
Now she was head of the staff at the hospital, and made quite a lot of money for every person in need she helped.
Davis did anticipate that it would be tempting to use his power to maybe get into showbiz and then he could make all the money in the world to support his family…
By stealing it.
But that wouldn’t be fair!
Yeah, stealing generally isn’t.
Davis prayed for his powers to be awakened, and swore on the soul of his dead father, he’d only use them in times of great need.
So showbiz was out of the question.
But the people NEED entertainment, Davis!
He was a crime fighter now. “Got to avenge my dad!” he said to himself.
He didn’t really enjoy having to do all this by himself, but he was relieved that it wasn’t going to last much longer.
The private army of forcibly conscripted children had just finished their training, and he was finally ready to overthrow Japan!
The others had their Powers awakened when Davis made a wish to the great Shenmon, and over the months he taught them how to use their powers wisely.
Soon they’d be ready come with him on their first ever mission,
A beer run across Tokyo.
but for now, Davis, and Angel-Veemon were out stopping a bunch of crazed thugs robbing an armored car filled with gold.
The cops were tied up and striped of their guns,
Wow, Japanese cops suck.
“Come on, lets move it!” the leader cried to his boys.
Suddenly, a Small blast of Energy came from out of nowhere and shot his gun right out of his hand! “Hey, what the–!”
The Leader: “Holy shit, my fucking hand got blown off! There’s blood everywhere! You monster!”
He turned and saw a normal teenaged boy with golden blonde hair. “Isn’t it past your curfew?” Davis mocked.
Oh, yeah, something to note: any time DKM uses the verb “mocked,” you can replace it with “I don’t know how to write actually humorous dialogue, so I’m just going to outright tell you this is meant to be funny, even though it self-evidently is not.”
“Super Saiyan, Angel Veemon!” the Leader cried out loud. He began firing his gun like crazy but none of his bullets even scratched Davis.
“What’s the matter… you flunk out of lazy school!” Angel-Veemon mocked.
Flunk out of…? Maybe you need to go BACK to school, Veemon, Christ…
The Leader ordered all his men to get up and attack, but if they had only watched Dragon ball Z they’d know they were making a mistake!
“This is just plain ridiculous!” Davis sighed out of boredom,
Couldn’t have said it better myself.
“Five seconds, that’s how long I need to take you all out!”
“Five? HA!!” snorted the Leader, “You’ll be six feet under in only Two seconds!”
Oh, great, now there’s math in this stinker. The answer is that they pass in Chicago at 3:15, right?
and they all charged forward, but Davis just stood his grounds.
As each of the boys came at Davis, all he had to do was just hit them each once.
Ew, that sounds dirty…
“One! Two! Three! Four! Five!” and all five of the boys, us the leader were knocked into a pile. “Five seconds!” replied Davis. “Angel-Veemon…”
Davis: “I love you!”
Angel-Veemon: “Wait, what?”
Angel Veemon nodded, “And now, to seal the deal.” He said as he thrust his arms forward.
“CHAINS OF HELL!!”
A very angelic power, naturally.
Thick strong chains encircled around the boys and wrapped them up tight. “Now that’s what I call a binding friendship!” replied Angel-Veemon.
Veemon, stop trying to be clever. You suck at it.
They then freed the cops, and before anyone else took any notice of the two brave heroes, they flew off, but they did leave behind a special trademark.
Just Like Spider-Man used to do in his comics, Davis decided to leave a note and a funny saying.
Davis is an idiot who is incapable of coming up with original ideas.
Today’s note read…
“Five Foolish Fugitives Fumbled… compliments of your Friendly Neighborhood Super Saiyan!”
Davis was relieved that was over,
Me too, that action scene was awful.
but not because he was supposed to be home, or that he had something else important to do… He and Angel-Veemon had a hot double date that night.
Please don’t cross species, please don’t cross species, please don’t cross species…
They landed in the park where Kari and Angewomon were waiting for them. “Sorry we’re late, we had a little butt business to kick!” said Davis.
Uh, Davis, wanna rephrase that a bit, pal?
The girls giggled, “That’s quite understandable.” Said Angewomon. “But enough of this, let’s fly.” Added Kari as she took off into the air.
“Right behind you!” Davis called as he jumped up after her.
Yes, it took some time, and a lot of pain and suffering for Davis,
Oh, quit whining, you little brat. She wanted to pee in TK’s butt, get over it.
but he and Kari finally decided to go steady. That went double for Angel-Veemon and Angewomon.
The boys had crushes on the girls for, who knows how long. Sometimes Davis even wondered if his Digimon could ever become and Angel type, well he got his answer.
Hooray for contrivances!
TK and Patamon of course did respect the girls wishes and let them go easy. Besides, with their newfound powers almost ready they seemed to do nothing more than train endlessly.
Oh, I get it, they just decided to start fucking each other.
Yolei, and Ken were still a happily linked item, but they also liked to spend their times training with Cody.
Davis had taught them everything. How to fly, how to sense things, how to shoot energy blasts, things like that.
Yeah, simple things, like shooting laser blasts out of your hand and fucking flying.
Of course no matter how hard they trained, none of them would ever become as strong as Davis would, but still, they would be strong, and at least be able to help out instead of letting Davis do all the work.
Somehow, I get the feeling that Davis is still gonna be doing most of the heavy lifting here…
Each one of them had their own powers, and styles of fighting like a DBZ character from the show.
Yolei… Android 18!
Cody… Gohan, age 11!
TK… Krillin, and Yamcha!
…Damn, fucking burn on TK. I mean…shit.
Kari…Tein, and Chouitzu
Wait, and how come she gets the crappiest ones? Is it because she hooked up with TK in the show and now she’s getting “punished”?
Spoiler alert: that is absolutely the reason.
So far, their powers were coming in nicely, and their Digimon were growing stronger too. Now they didn’t have to Digivlove to a high level to beat tough guys that much.
“Digilove”? See, I make the bestiality jokes, but then the story vindicates me immediately.
Still, they were all patiently waiting for the day when they would Spirit Digivolve and become a creature like Angel-Veemon. Far beyond the level of a Mega.
Because Veemon is just so gosh-darned special, you guys.
Still, with school behind them, and the town safe again, at least for now. They could all just go about their own businesses.
They all owned restaurants.
Well, that was the first chapter, and true to form, it sucked a big fat one. But will things get worse from here? Will Kari go back to TK when she realizes Davis is kind of a douche? Will TK and Patamon finally bang? Find out next time, on DIGIBALL Z!