1578: Nina the Killer and The Worst Pasta Ever Written – One Shots

Title: Nina the Killer
Author:  Unknown
Media:  None
Topic: Jeff the Killer
Genre: Creepypasta
URL: Trollpasta Rehost

Title: [REDACTED]
Author: Unknown
Media:  None
Topic: Pure, undiluted word vomit
Genre:  Creepypasta
URL: Trollpasta Rehost

Critiqued by Admiral Sakai and Nina

-WARNING-

Like anything to do with Jeff the Killer, the pasta under review today is really, profoundly not scary but does contain substantial flamebait in its tactless approach to violent crime, bullying, mental illness, incest, familicide, suicide, and disfigurement. It is incendiary in pretty much every possible way with respect to a variety of issues that disproportionately affect teens and young adults, and should be read with caution in mind at all times.

Hello hello all you patrons! Heat up some spam and try to ignore the ants, because it’s that time again

“Today we’ve got…

*Looks at the title*

*Looks at the Admiral*

*Looks at the title again*

Sakai…”

Hmm?

“What did the glub did you do?”

Well, it’s quite simple, really. This is the last episode of the Pastathon before we get back to doing nothing but Love of a Spartan for a while. So, since we started this whole adventure with myself somehow getting entangled in Sonic.exe as the main protagonist… you get to star in a shitty Jeff the Killer clone!!

“…”

Oh, and did I mention the entire thing is machine-translated from Spanish?

“… Great Cthulhu preserve us all.”

This was in Spanish so I used google translate. It might sound confusing and I’m so sorry if it does.

Oh, you’ll be sorry all right…”

Never have even imagined … What Jeff’s madness can be overwhelming?

Much for someone with extremely fragile sanity can reach as much as mad for different reasons?

Well, I may as well get it out of the way now

And has anyone really been far even as decided to use even go want to do look more like?

There, are you happy?

“And my Sanity score is a solid 75, thank you very much!”

I heard recently of a new killer, I stay shocked to hear from her, but my first thought was that it was just a crazy fan of Jeff The Killer because of his appearance,

Oh, as opposed to all of those crazy fans of Jeff the Killer who like his personality?

What personality?”

Exactly.

but after doing a thorough investigation of her … I discovered it was worse than a monster.

HEY!

I get more than enough of that shit from flat-faces as is.”

things went well…

I very much doubt that. If things went well, this wouldn’t be a creepypasta.

History:

Extracted from a local newspaper:

Strange and unexplained murders guilty trails have multiplied after several months,

Wait, if guilty trials are multiplying does that mean they’re finally catching some of these goddamn clones?

they had to suspect the murderer was investigated long ago, but found a witness who said advertising was not a murderer, if not 2!

No, advertising is not murder, nor is it two.

“Also, if Jeff had been investigated long ago, he wouldn’t still be running around now. He’s not exactly subtle.”

Terrorizing different cities,

“You know, that actually brings up a pretty glubbing important point- just where is all of this Jeff stuff supposed to be going on?

The stories always just say ‘a local paper’ or something, but if all the clones are really in one place then that city has to have more serial killers than it does victims.”

Yeah, and if they’re not in one place, how exactly does Jeff move around? He’s a freakishly deformed serial killer, it’s not like he can just get on a plane… and some of the stories are set in Europe for fuck’s sake! Did he swim?

it is unknown if they work together or separately, but luckily he was able to find this guy and hardly from the hospital told us what happened.

Here’s what the guy said:

“It happened one night” guy narrate

Ok, so is he a guy, or is his name actually Guy?

Our protagonist, ladies and gentlebeings…

Our protagonist, ladies and gentlebeings…

“…

Ick.”

“walked from my work to home, I was pretty desolate along streets,

Oh god, please don’t be turning into emo poetry…

he had decided to take a shortcut again to change the routine

If he’s doing it again, how is that changing his routine?

… big mistake.

Already half way I began to feel that I watched and heard footsteps, turn quickly looking it was not a thief, but I found nothing, so I just take everything as a product of my imagination, continue walking but the feeling of being watched became stronger,

“Oh no…”

Oh yes indeed!

and I heard steps closer, I noticed something approaching to turn my face and reflecting the elusive, suddenly, in a moment I see a black-haired girl

egad

“…”

… Egad.

with a wick charred pretty HIGHLIGHTED fuchsia,

“What.”

Umm… Ok then?

egad2

body and high point to a 16 or 17,

… I literally have no idea.

“A sixteen or seventeen out of what? Am I supposed to be seventeen glubbing feet tall now?”

though his face did not look like human,

Already got that covered… although sadly not as well as we did before…

“Except… now I’m male? That’s going to take some getting used to…”

his skin was white inhumanly,

egad3

his eyes looked at me with a thirst for blood, were extremely open

Already got that covered, too.

Seriously, Nina, would it kill you to blink once and a while? It’s kind of weirding me out.

“No eyelids, remember?”

Oh. Right.

and a strange braising looked in his eyes, his smile was so superhuman …

egad4

Ladies and gentlemen… the face of modern horror!

“Ohhhhh, I’m scary all right…”

it was rough and I was … cut.

“Yeah, don’t even get me started on all the guys who say they like it rough, then lose their shit the moment the claws come out…”

I don’t even want to know.

I stood still for a minute there, feeling the adrenaline running through my body.

“Which, I’d just like to say, is a particularly stupid thing to do when you’re being attacked.”

Better than trying to take a goddamn picture, though.

She did not let any word, just stood there for what seemed an eternity, and finally, the girl just gave a speech

“Man, I really need to get off my lazy ass and actually do something already!

Although at least I am female again…”

as he tilted his head to one side in a way that a psychopath could do it,

“… never mind that last part…”

that I immediately helos nerves;

“He what now?”

He upgraded his spinal cord to run an operating system designed by the Norse goddess of the underworld?

“Go to sleep my prince”

Immediate react and undertook the race to the opposite direction of it,

“SUDDENLY PURPLE PROSE.”

Tell me, author- just what was so terribly wrong with ‘I ran away’?

I ran as ever, but it was not enough as I heard the footsteps of the girl follow me, then feel its weight on my own, followed by a sharp cold through my arm.

You know, my grandmother always told me not to sit on stone walls or else I’d catch a cold through my kidneys, but this is the first time I’ve heard of that applying to arms.

I fell to the ground with a groan of pain, I seized the floor girl releasing a hysterical laugh, drew his knife from my shoulder and feature my shirt, making a strange caress my abdomen naked, watching in detail,

I said, I do not want to know!

“C’mon. There’s a time for fucking, and there’s a time for stabbling flat-faces, but the two really shouldn’t get mixed up.”

but luckily, we hear the voice of a policeman who had come,

*SNERK*

was holding a gun, the girl sat up quickly and the police fired several bullets in his direction, but this elusive like the falling leaves of trees they were, not to let go of that laugh, walked away climbing several of the houses.

“…

Ok, I have no idea what the glub just happened, but I think it might have been badass. And possibly involved ninjas or something.”

Never able to forget that look … let alone that laugh …”

After the interview the young man was found in his house, ‘d slice and lack of bodies were found in the house,

Wait, if there was a lack of any bodies, then how did they find the young man? And… what the fuck is a ‘D Slice’?

*A small logic bomb materializes, but Nina draws her combat knife and D-Slices it before it can go off.*

That did not answer my question.

it was full of blood everywhere,

Well of course it was- this is a creepypasta, after all.

and the room where the body was found

Oh, so now there’s a body…

on the wall was found written blood “did not you go to sleep prince”.

prince

“Wow. That was… kind of in really poor taste.”

If you find the girl from the description, or the murderer of the last time, please get in touch with the police.

Don’t worry, if I ran into a seventeen-meter-tall girl with braised eyes, a superhuman smile, and a fuchsia-highlighted wick, I’m pretty sure I’d be calling the police anyway. Or possibly a psychiatrist.

Origin:

Nina Hopkins, 11 years old, was transferred to a new school to be closer to home.

I dunno, maybe things are different in Y’ahnth-lei, but typically the location where you live is what determines where you go to school… not the other way around.

“Also, if I’m 11 years old in this, the ‘fic would be set in 1921.”

One Sunday morning, a day before his first day at her new school,

Seriously, what exactly is making this story switch pronouns every six words? It was originally in Spanish, so it’s not like there wasn’t a clear grammatical gender associated with every single noun for the translator program to work off of…

Or was it this bad in the original version too?

woke up and went to the bathroom and washed his teeth, followed went back to his bed and took his laptop to connect.

Nina was not the kind of girl that stood energized to open the window and let in the light to do something productive in the day, no, she just enjoyed sitting down to watch animes, or listen to music as rock, J -pop or pop, playing video games or just play guitar.

… I have really terrible taste.”

And you may or may not be an enormous Weeaboo Sue.

So he liked to be and so loved her family and friends.

But this time she did not want to do any of the things you normally did not,

THRILL as the story confirms that nothing interesting is going on!

this time wanted to read for the thousandth time “the origin of Jeff The Killer” creepypasta adored her, but that was his favorite, he felt a strange attraction to him,

012

“Ew.

Yuck.

No.”

admiration more than anything. Every time I read it I felt a strange impulse to invade, but exactly why, enjoyed this strange impulse.

Wait… who is I, now? Is it still Guy Fieri?

“Although I for one have a hard time imagining Guy Fieri successfully invading anything.

Other than someone’s personal space, anyway.”

When I read, suddenly the door hole,

SUDDENLY DOOR HOLE

SUDDENLY DOOR HOLE

quickly looked up meeting his little brother Chris and his beautiful green eyes

huh

Chris was the prince of Nina,

“And, you know, given that the last time that term was used it was in reference to someone I might have been in the process of fucking, I’m really not too comfortable with my crechemate being referred to with it!”

I loved it and used to call because every night fairy stories will be asleep, she also liked these stories. Chris was pretty dark black hair,

As opposed to all of that light black hair you see people with these days…

fair skin and light green eyes, like his late father, however she was light brown hair, fair skin and light blue eyes, she was very like her mother.

“And very, very unlike the description we got in the intro.”

Whatever that description may have actually been.

“Sis, to eat” allege the child with an innocent smile.

“I’m my prince” cheek pinching Nina ad as honey.

What.

*Sakai’s attempt to act out this scene is foiled by Nina’s lack of definable cheeks.*

I leave the computer on one side and under to eat.

Word to the wise, unless it’s specifically built to be multi-position, don’t leave your computer on its side while running. You can put stress on the fan and structural elements from directions they weren’t designed to handle, and possibly shorten the life of the device.

And don’t eat underneath it, that’s just asking for the thing to fall down and fracture your skull.

The next morning, Nina and Chris went to school, Nina got up and dressed in a shirt of their favorite shirts,

Hmm, I dunno, making a shirt out of pieces of all of your favorite shirts sounds like a good way to ruin all of your favorite shirts.

[THE ALARM THAT INDICATES BLARING ALARMS BEGINS BLARING]

Bwah?

[OPERATIVES OF OPERATIVES OF THE DEPARTMENT OF THE DEPARTMENT OF RECURSION SUDDENLY BUSTS THROUGH THE DOOR HOLE, BRANDISHING GUNS THAT FIRE OTHER, SMALLER GUNS]

*Nina makes a move for her harpoon cannon, but Sakai holds up his hand.*

Don’t worry, I got this one.

Hey guys, does a set of all sets contain itself?

[OPERATIVES OF OPERATIVES OF THE DEPARTMENT OF THE DEPARTMENT OF RECURSION BUST BACK OUT]

and she took her bag she felt something strange … like a strange milestone, he did hold his head in an attempt to stay stop, doing a strange little smile formed on his mouth, suddenly pit her mother’s voice bring to reality and immediately took the bag and under completely ignoring what happened, I hope Chris facing the door.

“…

That was all one sentence.”

For a very loose definition of ‘sentence’, anyway…

Shortly after the child under quite a hurry

“Ready?” Asked the mother.

“Yes!” Responded both.

“Well, good luck in school” ad his mother back to the kitchen.

Sexist pasta is sexist?

“Bye mom!” Responded both boys leaving home.

… I don’t even know what my chromosomes are supposed to be any more.”

They walk to school because it seemed annoying Nina take the bus.

Were divided and Nina went to high school while his brother -primary .

Why is an 11-year-old girl going to high school?

Nina felt a hell class apart long.

So… what exactly do they teach in a hell class, anyway?”

I dunno, sounds like a pretty good description of PE if nothing else.

Nina came out and went looking for Chris to his room, east out both decided to find a quiet place to eat without having to put up with all students playing around,

You know, I’m an only child, so this sort of thing isn’t really within my area of expertise-

“-and Deep Ones raise our kids communally, so I really can’t be any help either-”

– but don’t Angsty Teens with elementary-school-age siblings try to avoid those siblings as much as they can?

so I found a garden behind the school where almost no was nobody, not a teacher or a student, so they sat pasiblemente

Hey, Sakai? I thought you said this thing was translated from Spanish, right?”

Umm, yeah, it was.

“SO WHY ARE PARTS OF IT STILL IN SPANISH?!”

to eat, thinking they would have a leisurely breakfast, they could see a few steps closer to it. Nina looked up and met a girl much older than her, black hair and some street clothes.

“Well, well, but what we have here? New students” announced the girl

Bully McEvil in three… two… one…

“It doesn’t tell us what the black hair and the street clothes did, but since they were apparently not attached to the girl in any way I’m guessing it’s not very much.”

“my name is Claudia, and I rule at this school,

‘… and if you aint’ a fool you’ll admit that I’m cool’?

and if you do not obey what I say … will pay dearly “

“… I liked yours better.”

That slant rhyme… ouch!

allege as he pulled a knife from his jeans, suddenly about two guys came out of a nearby tree

“Great Cthulhu, I’m being mugged by Keebler elves!”

Who are apparently in some form of macroscale quantum superposition, since the story can’t determine if there are actually one or three of them.

“known to Mailcom and Yoni”

And one of the Keebler elves is apparently the personal website of a Russian computer scientist named Leonid Broukhis (he’s doing some interesting things in the field of data compression, or at least he was in 1997), and the other is some kind of Israeli playboy.

Nina sat up quickly and stood in front of Chris to protect it.

“Hey, do not want any trouble , we just want a relaxed breakfast ” Nina clarified.

“Ah , I see, but you should not be here , this area is our ” Claudia said approaching them.

You know, I can no longer hear Claudia’s voice as anything but a thick, James-Bond-style Russian accent.

“That’s stupid!,

Yes.

Yes it is.

You have no right to send anyone! “Said Chris posing in front of Nina and receiving a nasty blow to the stomach from Yoni. Chis callus Nina’s arms after the coup.

Umm… what just happened?

“Either my brother fell down and I had to grab him, or I need to get my fins trimmed and the government was overthrown, I’m not sure which.”

“CHRIS!” Said Nina holding in his arms.

“Well, if you do not want to be next, I recommend obey and get out of here” claimed Claudia stroking Nina’s face with a knife.

“This is going in a direction I am not entirely comfortable with.”

Nina did nothing but drop a clean hit on Claudia’s face knocking her to the ground, quickly let Nina lunged Chris and Claudia taking the knife and plunging it into Claudia’s shoulder.

“… much better.”

Nina Mailcom held back and overtook him in his arms. This gave a strong kick in the crotch of the guy knocking him to the ground, Nina turned quickly to release several kicks in the boy’s face and bounced cause nosebleeds and mouth.

Just what is it with the female Jeff clones and nut shots, anyway?

Yoni immediately chickened out to see the girl’s reaction to the attack and started the race away from her, but Nina immediately notice it and ran Yoni taking Claudia shoulder blade and lunged at the boy digging the knife in the stomach.

“Did… I just stab the one who was running away with his dead leader’s shoulder blade? Because that would be glubbing AWESOME!”

“NINA, BASTA!” Heard the voice of his little brother, Nina immediately turned to him and watch, this had a very surprised look.

Yoni Nina let go and stepped back watching their bloodstained hands on something, it felt like a monster … but I had to admit … the other side was extremely good,

The scales are always greener on the other side of the Deep One?

“And now this is going back in a direction I am not entirely comfortable with.”

and the momentum died down, turning back to his brother that followed there surprised unable to drop a phrase, Nina ran to him and took his arm.

“Did I stab anyone to death with it?”

“Come on, we can not be here for long” and left the yard.

After that Nina went to wash his hands to take Chris to review the hit.

Because it’s always important to write up a clear after-action report on your schoolyard brawls, right?

Avoid at all costs Nina mention something about that, Chris just thought it was an impulse to defend … but she knew something else was going on there, I knew it was something stronger and horrible, that feeling of being powerful and strong …

“Yes, females, it’s horrible to feel powerful and strong. Now get back in the kitchen!”

I hate this fandom so goddamn much

The need to hurt someone.

“Oh, after reading this glubber I’m definitely feeling a need to hurt someone… preferably the author.”

The day passed quickly and when the brothers returned they sat down to eat with his mother.

“Well!, And how they were in school?” Asked his mother with a sweet smile.

“…” Chris shuddered to try to answer that question.

“Excellent” commented Nina something psychotic in a smile.

Nina went upstairs after eating and opened his closet meeting his collection of Jeff The Killer ,

“My collection of Jeff-The-Killer… what, exactly?”

Knowing this story… very probably your collection of Jeff The Killer pornography.

“Uglb…”

were several posters , different plates, some old notebooks that he had lined with some dolls and stuffed animals, take a small one she loved and bed were shot with this , and I observe …

“Oh. Jeff The Killer fanart, Jeff The Killer commemorative plates (?) and some Jeff The Killer dolls I’m apparently using for shooting practice. Makes sense.”

Better than the alternative, for once.

with his sinister smile that she or he was afraid or intimidated of him down otherwise somewhat amused , looked at him for a while, then whisper.

“Jeff … you make me this …”.

“Jeff makes me what? Incomprehensible?”

After the incident looked and looked for the culprits of the fight, but did not find them

So, considering how closely we’re following Jeff The Formula, I’m guessing now is the part where Chris gets randomly accused of assault and hauled off without a trial to be executed by firing squad or something?

, and how they think it was a 11 year old girl as Nina, oh a 6 years as Chris, they had that to your advantage to avoid suspicion, and as it happened the first day of school, many could not tell if Nina was there because many do not know, and was not attracting much attention, so many do not know whether it was that day or not.

“Huh.

Or… that could happen, I guess…”

Although unless this school has frequent stabbings all the time, having one happen shortly after a new student showed up seems to me like it’d put a lot more suspicion on the newcomer…

“And it makes me wonder what exactly I’m doing wandering around stabbing people at eleven years old.”

Actually, now that we mention it, Chris seems pretty damn articulate for a six-year-old as well.

But despite everything, Nina opened her locker one day meeting with a note which said, “I know what you did … but do not worry … I will not tell anyone, you are skillful … but dangerous” Hayo Nina signature or anything identify him, he had the slightest idea who had sent him … someone came, but decided not to take into account that note, if you would not tell whoever sent it, good for her.

“Whut.”

You know, we’re actually incredibly lucky that this story is so cliché and predictable- otherwise we’d have no idea what was going on!

Meanwhile, Nina’s sanity was not improving

“Not reading this shit it isn’t…”

as mad as he took a knife and sat much of the night by the room of his brother or mother.

“And got away with this… somehow.”

Apparently you no longer need to sleep, either.

One day , Chris was playing with his new friends on the block,

Close enough, I guess...

Close enough, I guess…

and it was getting dark, so Nina’s mother, Monica, asked him for it. Nina went out and saw the children playing in the distance as he approached Chris could not make out,

“Why am I cockblocking my six-year-old brother?”

That’s… that’s just fractally wrong.

and she became concerned, went over to the children and ask them where was Chris, and they responded that they had gone with a girl older than her, Nina was very concerned and went home to take the knife he had hidden in his room without his mother finding out.

“Instead of, you know, actually looking for the target or anything…”

Chris was looking for not praying that anything happen, bringing the further away from the house. Nina spend a lot of time and could not come up with Chris, getting desperate and mourn. That I hear a car coming, this strike along with Nina and this took a few steps back preventing you were to do something, in that the doors opened and out came Chris giving the floor,

“Did…

did Chris just hit me with a car?”

they heard laughter coming from the car that immediately ripped.

“And did I just rip the car in half?”

Nina quickly held his arms Chris is nervous and the poor child found beaten and some disrupted clothing.

Ok, so, I think what was supposed to have happened here is that to get revenge on you, the bullies kidnapped Chris and beat him up before tossing him back to you and absconding the fuck out of there. Which I suppose makes more sense than having him get summarily sent to Juvie like in the original…

Except for the fact that it means the bullies who routinely go around picking fights with eleven-year-olds, and LOSING, are themselves OLD ENOUGH TO DRIVE!!!

“Chris!, Holy God! Happened?!? “Exclaimed Nina holding the small body of his brother.

“If Holy God happened, I think I’d be worried about more important things than my brother.”

“E – them – there me Nina … at … me … to- played” allege Chris with much difficulty,

Well, it’s not like he’s any less coherent than the rest of the ‘fic…

and fell to mourn on the chest of her older sister, Nina try to control something that was screaming inside, over and over and over again I felt an anger control,

The band from Pod People‘s subsequent attempt to move into the metal scene was not well received.

up at his brother in his arms and led him quickly to hospital for shock and other tratasen he had.

Here Nina called her mother and informed him what had happened, his mother went as fast as he could to the hospital and they came and told him that was both strong shocks and internal bleeding and traces of violations were found,

“Oh, real nice, story…”

Actually, I highly doubt this thing is actually talking about rape. Based on past experience I know that machine translation really loves the word ‘violation’ for some incomprehensible reason and will substitute it into cases where everything from ‘torture’ to ‘technical foul’ would normally go.

the mother of Nina began to mourn and Nina just kept silent to the situation, avoiding at all costs drop this need to hurt someone.

The next day he was discharged to Chris,

Ok, either this hospital is the most efficient in the world, or just goddamn incompetent.

“It’s the Pastaverse, remember? How is that even a question?”

Good point. He’s lucky he got out with both his kidneys.

but they asked him to stay a while at rest, so for three weeks I care for Chris Nina telling stories and helping a lot with your medications.

With… my medications?

*Nina hands AdmiralSakai a bottle of allergy pills.*

I’ve actually been looking for those.

Umm… thanks, I guess?

“And, of course, now that a six-year-old child has been beaten to within an inch of his life the Guard finally takes an interest, Chris provides descriptions of his attackers, and the deviants responsible are locked up for the rest of their short flat-face lives. End of story!”

Oh, how cute, you still think logic holds some sway over this universe!

We immediately cut to Nina going back to school, and the doctors prescribing bed rest is the last we ever hear of any adult even acknowledging that the kidnapping happened in the entire rest of the pasta!

“…

Serves me right for getting my hopes up, I guess…”

And while Nina went to school again, he left a new note, which read, “I’m sorry about your brother … I hope to recover, do not think you’re alone … I’m here, I’ll be your friend … but unfortunately distance … “Nina felt a slight flush to that,

“Wow.

I really glubbing need to get laid.”

In this ‘fic? I’d strongly advise against it.

I check the letter again and found no signature.

Maybe it was sent by the Cult of X.

Weeks passed and go to classes to play Chris, this was a very bad grace, and because that day was school picture day, so look for something downward Nina get without giving much more than a black skirt cuts, black stockings with burgundy stripes, a black colored convers a franelilla black and blue striped, fingerless gloves favorites and collected hair with blood red tie.

Oh my god, it’s like somebody hacked My Immortal into pieces and stuffed it in a cement mixer.

Yet he felt that something was missing, so I look in your closet meeting his favorite sweater purple, which reminded him of Jeff The Killer sweater,

“Why would a purple sweater remind anyone of Jeff the Killer? There was nothing purple in the entire story! Note even the prose, for once!”

so put it on and under the stairs meeting his brother who was waiting in the door,

Why is your room under the stairs?

“Why is my brother fused with the door?”

both left saying goodbye to his mother.

They came to school, this time it was by bus to prevent that they did not seek to Chris fuck them on the road.

You know, I’m trying to think of something filthy to say here, but all I can think of are those signs in Chinese supermarkets:

sign

Meeting came to school with a not so pleasant surprise.

Claudia, Mailcom and Yoni walked down the hallway, looking a few friends. Nina was aware of the reason of why their faces were searching her and Chris.

“Without… any fear of consequences whatsoever, I guess…”

Nina Chris react and take them out of the hall arm where they were and at all costs avoid being seen.

The day passed quickly and did Nina and Chris were found the trio, or so she thought .

Back Classes, Nina felt that followed them, so to turn receiving a blow to the face, fell to the ground and look for his brother, finding him caught in the arms of Mailcom, Nina tried to get up but received another blow in the belly, fell back to the ground and looked up seeing Claudia.

“I’m… suddenly really lame for some reason. What happened to chasing after my enemies brandishing their comrades’ shoulder blades?”

“At last I have you where you wanted brat” Ad Claudia posing in front of her “pay for what the last time” allege is pulling a gun.

Eleven-year-old-kids, ladies and gentlebeings… eleven-year-old kids.

“I do not care a pussy fight with you, and if I beat once I can do it …are shit!” Gritoneó Nina trying to sit up, immediately Claudia went to drop a headshot of Nina, but this quickly react and let a kick in the gun to not give him.

“And I guess I’m back to just shrugging off glubbing headshots again.

Hooray…”

The power of JEFF protects you!

“Sadly, that’s probably exactly what is going on.”

Nina stood up and ran nimbly to an abandoned house nearby, locked inside, up the stairs being chased by the trio, felt the wave of bullets chasing him,

“I felt a wave of bullets chasing me?”

Ok, so when exactly did you learn to use the Force?

but each bullet was a stray bullet, Nina is locked in the bathroom, looking desperately for something to defend.

“Sal Nina!, You stay there? Knowing what I did to your brother that night!?

Wait… how does anyone know that Claudia was behind Chris’s kidnapping? All anyone said about the kidnappers was that Chris ran off with “an older girl”- that could literally have been anyone!

“I mean, Chris could have given someone a description, seeing as he was there… BUT THEN CLAUDIA WOULDN’T BE ABLE TO COME AFTER ME FOR REVENGE!”

Actually… what does she want revenge for? I thought the whole point of all this was that Chris getting kidnapped was her revenge! Did she much later on decide that it just wasn’t enough revenge? And if so, why is this plan so much riskier and less premeditated?

“Well, at least now we know that when it comes to a choice between Jeff the Formula and reality, the ‘fic will always choose Jeff the Formula.”

If it didn’t, it wouldn’t be here.

,You idiot!” Gritoneo Claudia from outside.

Nina felt a surge of hatred and anger, and again … that need killing.

Nina looking around the room where he locked himself occidado finding an iron-tipped,

“An iron-tipped… what, exactly?”

Probably an iron-tipped thing of bleach.

Nina watched him for a brief moment a wry smile forming on his face, took the iron and left the trio dodging bullets as if they were leaves, approaching the trio, took the iron and through the head of Yoni releasing a stream of blood, some blood fell on Nina’s face, and there … something seemed to work well, something broke … like a thin thread had broken … that thread dividing sanity from insanity.

Or the thread dividing regular old gibberish from purple prose.

Mailcom Claudia and took a few steps back, Nina turned to his direction showing a psychotic smile along with a pervasive and horrific shit, making even Chris shiver,

…”

…”

“I think I’m going to throw up.”

Claudia try to run along with Mailcom, preventing Nina followed them through, leaving Claudia semi hit – incosiente on the floor, followed gave him to release Mailcom for Chris, which callus on the floor staring in horror at her sister. Nina Mailcom repeatedly hit, opening a wound in the head, giving many blows to leave your head like a crimson red multo.

“… ok, so I think what happened was that Claudia and the Russian guy tried to run away (even though it says they tried to keep me from escaping), while I guess Israeli Justin Bieber bled out or something. Then Claudia fell on the floor and passed out even though I never touched her, and the Russian guy went down after I stuck a red parking ticket on his head.”

… Well, at least it wasn’t more nut-shots, I guess.

Claudia tried to move to get the gun, but Nina hand flat so you do not take, Claudia looked up meeting with the piercing look of Nina, this shook his head and crossed the iron right in your heart.

“So is… Claudia dead now?”

Or did you just cure her chronic anemia?

“Ni- Nina … t – bi – feel good” allege Chris with horror, Nina turned to face him with a little more relaxed, but without deleting your smile.

“Feeling good …? I FEEL ecxelente!, Let my Prince, we go home ~ …” Chris allege charging Nina, which will miss him, since she was always so complicated.

Oh, this story’s complicated all right…

Especially now that my brother might have just tackled me because he’s afraid I’m bisexual.”

Nina and Chris returned home, Nina was seen by his mother as he was full of blood,

Then again, most animals are full of blood, so I fail to see what makes you so special.

so I quickly went to his room and knelt at the edge of his bed burying his head in his arms as he held her.

“And Mom does… glub all about my coming home carrying my brother, being covered in blood, and having just been attacked!”

Although depending on who some of these pronouns refer to she might have come in to give you a hug. Which is nice. Although not as nice as calling the medics and police.

Nina gritted teeth as preventing “it” out, Nina, with little awareness that he had grabbed her laptop and wrote a note … a note that perhaps no one will ever read.

And, suddenly, for the first time in over sixteen pages… ACTUAL CORRECT ENGLISH.

Night fell and the mother of Nina and her brother slept pasiblemente, however Nina could not, this need not let him, so he got up, still not removed his clothes that day,

“Meaning they- and me– were still covered in at least three different humans’ blood.

Ick.”

and looked in the mirror, he saw a common face, so without deleting its Sinic smile which carried since long,

“My… Sinic smile?”

Apparently the story thinks Chinese people are synonymous with serial killers.

under the stairs ready to do the craziest of his life.

“Sorry, Jeff, but I’ve got a strict policy of not doing crazy people.

Especially ones that look like the Joker got dragged face-first through a Hot Topic.”

I walk into the kitchen drinking a bottle of vodka, put it on the table and look for a pot of bleach down the cabinets, finding nothing, it began to harden your hearts .

“Where are you piece of bleach …” Nina groaned looking for him.

… you piece of bleach?

“Ok, that’s my new favorite Jeff-related insult…”

“Did you look for these small …” Nina heard a voice behind her, turned around and found quite refreshing surprise to see a guy at the entrance of the kitchen holding the can of lye,

Not just any can of lye, mind you, but the can!

I wonder if it has legendary can powers?

the boy had an extremely white skin, his hair was black and charred, carried a rough and horrible smile.

Wait… how did Jeff get into your house? Can he pick locks or something? You’d think with the Fine Young Mafiosi wandering around this family would be paying a little more attention to security…

“Actually, for that matter, how the glub did Jeff get into the school?”

“Ah ~ … that comforting surprise … Jeff The Killer” allege Nina with a look somewhat challenging.

And yes, that right there is a goddamn tilde.

“I have seen for a while … I think your coconut and went down the drain …hahaha!” Claimed Jeff gracefully.

Evil gloating.

YOU ARE DOING IT WRONG!

“My coconut may have went down the drain….  but I still have a pineapple in the medicine cabinet!!”

CURSES!! FOILED AGAIN!!!!

“You’re right! So I need that pot of bleach if I may …” Nina said giving his hand to give it to her.

“I need to erase this ‘fic from my memory by the fastest means possible.”

“Aw ~ …let me help!” Exclaimed Jeff opened the pot and Nina echándoselo enzyme, this boto a groan when I walk into his eyes bleach, followed by sitting slumped on the floor.

So the serial killer equivalent of One Direction wanders into your house and tries to start up a conversation, and what do you do? Get high huffing cleaning products! Stay classy, Pastaverse…

Nina felt another liquid running through your head, get up to look and Jeff had the tinderbox in hands. Nina smiled and looked at him defiantly.

“What do you expect …? … Do it” allege the girl with derision, Jeff grinned and lit the Yesquero.

“And it wouldn’t be creepypasta without a badly-capitalized Noun, I guess…”

“Go to sleep …” added Yesquero dropping.

Immediate, when the flames touched Nina’s skin just let out a loud scream this, I felt a hell surround him, I look around at Jeff, but it was gone, Nina writhed on the floor and saw that his mother and brother Chris had arrived and were putting out the fire, was semiconscious when they cut it, so I immediately called the ambulance and get many neighbors came out to see what happened because of the screaming. Nina fell unconscious when they put on a stretcher and taken to the ambulance.

“Well that was… relatively quick. And surprisingly painless.”

Yeah, I figure you’re getting second-degree burns from that at most.

Especially since, as I said in the original Jeff review… bleach is not flammable!

Among the neighbors, a boy with black hair, fair complexion and green eyes, slightly higher than Nina looked at him with some concern, but I try to approach her mother took the shoulder.

“Sclin No, not safe” luring women my submission to her, the boy watched as they put Nina to the ambulance.

Ok… who the fuck is ‘Sclin’?

“And why is he luring women through submission? Am I going to have to do something about this kid?”

Nina woke up after being unconscious in the ambulance, I try to move but it prevented bandages, immediately tried to get up but a nurse came in with her mother and brother.

Must be a pretty big ambulance if it has multiple rooms…

“It will be better if you stay still, you are not able to move,” said the nurse laying her back again, her mother and brother came to him and encouraged a while,

“Encouraged me to do what? Not move??”

Nina kept the other side entirely, as only saw his mother as someone else, and his brother … had to admit, was still his only treasure.

Step one month recovery, Nina received little support from her mother and brother.

“Except for the part where they were constantly by my side encouraging me.”

The day came they would take the bandages, his mother and his brother were anxious to see his face, like Nina, thankfully, kept his face intact and not burned too.

“Well Miss Nina , burns were not severe, it lasted longer and had lost most of his face including his nose, but did not last long burning, which did not cause great harm,”

So… I lost most of my face, including my snout… and this isn’t severe?!”

said Dr. ready to remove the last band, let see the Nina’s face, Nina’s mother looked at him in horror as his brother was hiding behind his mother.

“What … ? What is it?” Said Nina getting up and going to the toilet running, and watch in the mirror, his face … it was quite the opposite as before.

*Sigh…* This again…

His skin had turned completely white, her hair fell to her knees over now was halfway back, apart from black and charred, her skin was raspy almost like leather. I look puzzled her new face.

The Jeff the Killer fandom, ladies and gentlebeings… the only place where being set on fire makes your hair grow.

“Her- sister …” I’m Chris hugging “t – you still look as beautiful as before,” but the child not only lied because his body was scorched and pale, but by the look penetrating and disturbing, with which the girl I look at his younger brother and squatted at its height.

“He said I looked beautiful at some point?”

You know, no matter how many different ways this ‘fic tries to portray the relationship between you and Chris, it never stops being creepy.

“Oh Chris ~ … your always so accommodating …” Nina claimed while looking at him in that way so disturbing “but it is not …I SEE MORE BEAUTIFUL THAN EVER!” She exclaimed, opening his arms and leaving not only perplexed her mother and brother, but also the doctors and nurses” this face …perfect !, oh my dear Jeff!, GAVE ME tHIStHE fACE! “the girl continued shouting.

When DID THIS become Sweet Bro and Hella JEFF the Killer?

“Do- doctor … my daughter is well” ask your mother approaching the doctor.

“Well, usually things go well after a lot of soothing, but if not improve, bring to mind test you, okay?” Announced the doctor.

So, not only are they willing to overlook your bizarre behavior (including shouting about ‘Jeff’, who to their knowledge you never even met), but they seem to have forgotten that the whole reason you’re in the hospital in the first place is because you set yourself on fire!!

“Why does this story only follow Jeff The Formula when it doesn’t make sense with the changes the new version made?”

“Yes …” I argue weakly approaching his mother Nina “we love … and have to go” ad is grabbing him by the shoulders.

“Hahahaha! Sure …!” Nina said while looking at his ugly face in the mirror.

HEY! I’ll have you know I’ve got an APP score of 12!”

The nurse handed him his clothes was his purple jacket with black cut skirt and black stockings with burgundy stripes.

If this hospital had any brains, they would have burned that outfit as soon as they saw it, to protect the eyesight of everyone in the building!

“Actually… why isn’t this outfit a pile of ashes? It was in a fire that somehow got hot enough to burn off my scales!”

Nina dressed and left the hospital on his way home, not knowing … that Nina had become a monster that just thinking about killing in cold blood.

“Hey! That’s a massive generalization! Deep Ones love our children too!”

They came to the house and kept Nina show that crooked smile, on that Nina is focused on the home front, and noticed that the window of the house loomed a guy black hair and green eyes, the boy held his mouth watching the disfigured face of Nina, it will look for a moment and put your index finger in your mouth in the form of silence and entered the house followed.

“Oh Great Cthulhu SCLIN IS IN MY HOUSE!!”

Why is this random bystander so much creepier than any of the actual killers?

That night Nina’s mother sobs woke hearing from some point in the hallway, her mother gets up and looks at this and sees the door and the light on Nina’s room, walk quietly, and came to the door, watch the horrible blood festival that held the young girl.

“The… what now?”

The cast of Dr. Horrible’s Sing-Along Blog was trying to raise awareness of blood donation in your room?

Nina had a body with various enzyme intestines out of bed, the body was of a girl with blonde hair and it was very nice, but where he did not look well. Nina was above him with a kitchen knife in hand, with all his clothes stained with blood and staring at the ceiling.

“She used to torment me at school …” allege Nina as she kept her eyes to the ceiling

Wait… didn’t Claudia die in the fight before? And didn’t she have black hair?

“And even if I did just kill her this night… how did I manage to drag her all the way back to my room without anyone noticing?!

And what the glub happened to Sclin?! I get nervous when I don’t have a clear bead on that glubber.”

“Mommy …I’m more beautiful than ever!” Nina exclaimed turning to see his mother, her face … was worse, his smile crooked and badly cut up cheeks, her eyes were cooked to keep them wide open

If your eyes were cooked, you wouldn’t be able to see. Just gonna throw that out there.

“Shit, now I’m hungry again. Mmmmmm, roasted eyeballs…”

“I get tired of farces,

“And yet, I still keep coming back to the Creepypasta Wiki.”

I get tired of mourn and suffer … now I’ll smile always and always see my beautiful face … the face that I was granted Jeff … I am not beautiful mama?” wonder so sínica girl.

“You know, for a Deep One, I’m really shallow in this!”

Nina’s mother could not help but take a few steps back, shaking her head.

“No … Nina you … you’ve become a monster … this was by your obsession with this murderer … I …” I submit is starting to run down the hall.

Nina swiftly followed her mother “I kill for funwhen they run!”

I guess with Claudia dead somebody has to take over the gratuitous painful rhyming duties…

Exclaimed as she followed her mother, she was running to Chris’s room to wake him, but just going to take the knob,

“*SNERK*”

really?

Nina went through the knife in the skull of his mother, immediately pulling down.

“It is unfortunate that mom does not believe I’m beautiful … how sad” allege Nina pulling the knife out of his mother’s head.

“So my solution to that little disagreement is to stab her in the face!”

… why do I feel like the body-positivity folks had some dark hand in this story’s creation?

Chris in his room, he was restless, he was in danger and moved and moved looking accommodated, but nothing was in it, Nina opens the door revealing his shadow, Chris took the sheets off to see her sister, due to the light and could not see his face, but if the knife.

You know, I have to wonder- would it kill a few of these clones to use some other goddamn weapon? Knives are reasonably effective murderizing tools, I won’t begrudge them that. But at this point all the police need to do is dress up a few undercover officers as Cutco salespeople and the problem will take care of itself.

Chris was alarmed and snuggled into his pillow.

“Chris ~ …” I submit seen leaving Nina to Chris, who let out a little moan of horror at Nina’s face “right I’m beautiful?” Allege is leaning his head on one side.

Chris nodded in fear as he covered with sheets.

“Oh come on Chris … I did not do anything ~” Nina allege

“Other than stab our mom in the face, of course.”

hiding his hand while crossing fingers “You know … I feel more new than ever, and start a new life … will you come with me?” Nina said getting closer to it. Chris nodded again “Oh ~ … good boy … now if you want to join me … just go to sleep my prince.”

Perviness levels are increasing…

Nina kicked the front door of the house carrying his brother on his back, Chris was dead, with a creepy clown smile and eyes with something black bordeándole, had burned eyelids, he was covered in blood and with multiple stabbed.

“Yeah, I got stabbed in the multiple once too… ouch.”

Nina took a few steps at the entrance and fixed his gaze on the boy for a while, this time wore a white shirt and white jeans, looking at a book, but out of curiosity turned encountering the horrible scene of Nina.

“I still resent that. Even though all the scenes in this thing are horrible.”

“Go Chris … looks like someone knows more than you need … let’s put it to sleep” Nina walking allege the house opposite.

Yes… let’s.

You know, there are a lot of people out there who say that Jeff the Killer is the worst creepypasta in existence. I can sort of see why they think that- it was massively popular in its day, meaning that probably more people have heard of it than many other pastas; it was really the only story to spawn a significant number of these godawful identical clones; and, well, it is extremely bad. But there is far, far worse out there on the intertubes- stories like Clockwork: Your Time Is Up, Wubbzysuicide666.win, and the entire meandering Happy Appy anthology. But none of those get my vote for the worst creepypasta in existence- they certainly come close, but this one little story right here has it all. I give you, whole and contiguous, exactly as it appeared on CPW, the entire text of It Shall Kill Tho[sic]:

january 9 1987 what was it tommorow i venture in the cave i dont know what to expect but if anyone finds this journal im dead john terry missing since 1987. jounel entry #1 january 3 1792 im finaly in a new state i just cant wait until i finish my log cabin. journal entry #10 it was a monster that killed my mother a monster i tell you it had giant eyes long legs and a heart on its head but it has no head its just not there jackson mcarthy died due to severe mauling and blood loss. january 1 1733 i saw something in the woods i went to investagate i heard a scream something i had never heard before it set chills through my spine it jumped at me it ripped my arm clean off the pain was horrible in ways i can not describe i ran to the nearest town in new york i know im not gonna make it but i will never forget what i saw i call it the SHINGER. marcus mathang died by blood loss. january 5 1700 something terrible happened the people on board the mcathy were found dead i saw something crawl out of the ship something i saw in england but i must be just perinoid i should get to sleep. john doe missing since he went on a hunting trip january ? 1899 Im going to die today im going to shoot myself better to die than that beast if you are reading this tell lisa i love her. jack adams died of suicide all of the men who died were in ther 40s to late 50s so i know im gonna die because of tho goodbye crule world BANG BANG OH NO klaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa AHHHHHHHHHHkHHHHHHHHH SHING Mathew Toren died by ?

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33 Comments on “1578: Nina the Killer and The Worst Pasta Ever Written – One Shots”

  1. BatJamags says:

    This was in Spanish so I used google translate.

    Dammit. I tried to make a snarky comment about this and run it through Google Translate, but it gave me back exactly what I said in the first place. Even worse, the French translation was actually fairly accurate.

    • AdmiralSakai says:

      That tells me some rather disturbing things about the quality of the original Spanish pasta.

      • BatJamags says:

        There’s some things, like the killer’s constant gender-swapping, which are clearly Google’s fault. Google doesn’t play nice with Romance languages’ gender pronouns. Also (and this what I know from taking French – it might interact with Spanish differently), Google seems to mess up with conjugations and adjective placement. It still shouldn’t be this much of a mess.

      • BatJamags says:

        One Sunday morning, a day before his first day at her new school,

        On the other hand, this level of inconsistency tells me that this was present in the original version. Maybe the author’s also not a native Spanish-speaker? Because pronouns are a pretty basic thing to mess up.

      • BatJamags says:

        “Bye mom!” Responded both boys leaving home.

      • BatJamags says:

        Nina sat up quickly and stood in front of Chris to protect it.

        “It?”

        *Pulls desk back up*

    • BatJamags says:

      it was full of blood everywhere,

      Was it hyper-realistic? How many seconds did they spend looking at it? What time was it? How do you expect me to be scared by your horror story unless you tell me these things?

  2. AdmiralSakai says:

    Also, Lyle, you appear to have typo’d the title. Not that it isn’t fitting given the subject matter, but still.

  3. BatJamags says:

    Nina Hopkins, 11 years old, was transferred to a new school to be closer to home.

    I could buy it if this were in the ’50s when the schools were desegregated, but I’m assuming this is taking place in a modern-ish time.

  4. BatJamags says:

    And you may or may not be an enormous Weeaboo Sue.

    Weeasue?

  5. BatJamags says:

    “my name is Claudia, and I rule at this school,

    Bully McEvil: HEAR YE, HEAR YE! I, Queen Claudia III of the Kingdom of McEvil, do proclaim dominion over these lands! Whosoever resists our royal decree shall be put to the sword!

    • BatJamags says:

      Chis callus Nina’s arms after the coup.

      Jeffclone: The People’s Revolutionary Generically Named Army declares these lands liberated from Queen Claudia’s tyranny! Being free, you will do exactly as we tell you or else you’ll disappear!

    • That wasn't funny at all , CRB says:

  6. BatJamags says:

    After that Nina went to wash his hands to take Chris to review the hit.

    That was a hit? So Nina works for the mob? Or is that Bully McEvil?

  7. BatJamags says:

    were several posters , different plates, some old notebooks that he had lined with some dolls and stuffed animals, take a small one she loved and bed were shot with this , and I observe …

    So… this is not taking place in the Jeffverse, but in a universe which is fictional, has its own Jeff-style killer, and also has Jeff the Killer as a fictional entity.

    • AdmiralSakai says:

      I think the idea is that the original Jeff the Killer creepypasta is supposed to be a true story. Which raises questions of how it got posted, and by whom, and why they could possibly know as many details as they do, but then again this is the Pastaverse and we should probably just check our logic privilege at the door.

      • BatJamags says:

        Plus there’s the issue of why there’s so much Jeff merchandise available if he’s a real serial killer.

      • GhostCat says:

        There’s an unsettling amount of merchandise available featuring real world serial killers like Charles Manson, so it’s not entirely implausible. Seriously killer commerative plates seem like a stretch, though, unless they were Ed Gein or Jeffery Dahmer themed.

    • BatJamags says:

      “Did you look for these small …” Nina heard a voice behind her, turned around and found quite refreshing surprise to see a guy at the entrance of the kitchen holding the can of lye,

      Oh, I give up.

  8. BatJamags says:

    Actually, now that we mention it, Chris seems pretty damn articulate for a six-year-old as well.

    Articulate? Reading all this Creepypasta has really lowered your standards, Sakai.

  9. BatJamags says:

    They came to school, this time it was by bus to prevent that they did not seek to Chris fuck them on the road.

    This is actually an issue with Spanish translations. I’m not too familiar with it, but I’m pretty sure machine translated Spanish inserts “fuck” for some other word, like “do” or “make” or something.

  10. BatJamags says:

    a pervasive and horrific shit,

    You mean like ____ the Killer stories?

  11. BatJamags says:

    I have witnessed a masterpiece.

  12. Jon Arbuckle says:

    “When DID THIS become Sweet Bro and Hella JEFF the Killer?”

  13. Swenia says:

    “Yeah, don’t even get me started on all the guys who say they like it rough, then lose their shit the moment the claws come out…”

    Preach it, sister!

  14. TacoMagic says:

    “Did…

    did Chris just hit me with a car?”

    Pretty sure he gifted you a floor. It seems nice due to all the features it has.

  15. TacoMagic says:

    The band from Pod People‘s subsequent attempt to move into the metal scene was not well received.

  16. TacoMagic says:

    it began to harden your hearts

    It only took five years, but we finally found a fic that was less coherent than a Quarterflash music video.

  17. AdmiralSakai says:

    Also, dramatic reading:

  18. […] Inamorata: Light and Dark SONIC HIGH SCHOOL I don’t want to be alone again! Brego’s Mistress Nina the Killer Parties are for flirting How to train you […]


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