1559: Profesor Lupus and the Curse of the Wearwolf – Chapter Four and Five

Title: Profesor Lupus and the Curse of the Wearwolf
Author: KingAurthr2
Media: Book/Movie
Topic: Harry Potter / Lord of the Rings
Genre: Mystery/Adventure
URL: Chapter Four
Critiqued by The Wheel

Last time on “Profesor Lupus,” Lupin and Saruman arrived at Platform 9¾ before leaving the station and going to Diagon Alley to get school supplies, then coming back to the station and finally getting on the train. A young Minerva McGonagall, who will apparently be one of their classmates, rode in a train carriage with them. There was some brief consternation during the ride when the train came to a stop, and a villain named “Moldermore” who was erroneously claimed to be Voldermort’s father arrived to make a vague threat before disappearing.

Chapter 4 opens with the students finally arriving at Hogwarts, and the customary start-of-term feast in the Great Hall.

Chapter 4 The Sorter Hat

At the Hogwrotes Sckoole Suaruman and and McDongaol went in the greathall and sat down.

“Suaruman and and McDongaol?” Really? I think you a word there, KingAurthr2. And not just any word, but the protagonist’s name, the most important word in the whole story. Maybe he accidentally spelled it correctly and deleted it, but forgot to write in a misspelled version.

“hello evberyone” said Bumbeldore we are hear to strat another year at Hogwertes for all the wizard now it is tim for a feast!”

No, it is “tim” for the new students to be sorted into their Houses. The feast comes after that. As Nearly Headless Nick said in Book 5, “The Sorting’s more important than food.”

and so everyone begun to eat the magik feast it was magick food not like normal food so there was frog bisquit and bat wing burger and also a piazza maked from ghostly suspance and it was good for eat.

I doubt a pizza made of “ghostly substance” would be “good for eat.” You probably wouldn’t be able to taste it at all. Also, of course, the food at Hogwarts is normal food, like anyone would eat anywhere else. I’ve never noticed anyone eat pizza or burgers at Hogwarts in the books, but if they did, it would just be regular pizza and burgers.

When was fulled up Dumbladore said “Ok now it is time for Sorter Hat to sort you into your houses”

Like I said before, they should have done that first. Where did they eat if they haven’t been sorted yet? Did they just sit on the floor?

but becayse it was past their were diferent houses it was instead Buffalochrage house and the sign was a buffalo and it was a good house and there was Ghosthand hoyse it was a ghost cymbol and it was an evil house and the last two hoses were Parrotfaether house and Ratrunns house it was the two house like Ravenclaw and Hudlepuffle.

Wrong. The four Houses of Hogwarts were named after the school’s founders, Godric Gryffindor, Helga Hufflepuff, Rowena Ravenclaw, and Salazar Slytherin. They wouldn’t change. Maybe if this story was set after the original books, instead of before, it would be possible for the House names to be different, but there’s still very little change that the school would change all the names without any reason.

And then Suarosuman went and he put on sorter hat and it said “Saroman you are to bein Gohsthand house!”

If Ghost Hand House is the precursor to Slytherin, then Saruman definitely belongs there.

“but that is an evil house I don’t want” “hahahaha” laufed sorter it is too late! and then suaruman went to sit at the evil table of Ghosthandd hose.

The Sorting Hat wouldn’t put someone in a House they didn’t want to be in. When Harry was sorted, the Hat considered putting him in Slytherin, but Harry objected, so the Hat put him in Gryffindor.

Then Mcdongalol went and she was putted into Buffalocharge house which was the good house and Lupus did a chear. Then it was Lupus turn and he putted on the hat and it said “Ok you are in Bufflaosharge house aswell” and so Lupus went to sit with McDongadol at the good tabel.

Students are sorted by alphabetical order of last name. Lupin (and Lupus) begins with L. The author has never spelled McGonagall right, but he at least begins every butchery of her name with the letter M. L comes before M in the alphabet, so Lupus should have been sorted before McGonagall.

“ok now it is time to bed everyone bak to comoon room plaese. Said Bumbedorf and so they all wented to rooms for the sleep of the knight.

KingAurthr2 is an even worse speller than Tara Gillespie, author of My Immortal. He’s still a better overall writer though.

Chapter 5 A Teacher Who Was Fake

The next mornding Lupus and Mcdongoldo woked up insid their common room and then they went downsiars. “Now we must get to our magiking lessons!” cryed and so they walked down corrirdoer to the leson.

Who cried? I genuinely want to know.

In the lesson the teacher was an old man and he wored a drak cloak that cover his face and bodie aswell.

It’s “as well.” Not “aswell!” I’ve noticed this error several times in this story, and it appears in many of Aurthr’s other stories aswell. Sometimes he even spells it “aswel,” leaving off the last L.

“Hello I am the teecher today I am goin to teach the defence for dark arts to you” and so they sat down at desk and ready for the lesson.

He’s only the teacher today, not for the whole year, apparently. Also it’s Defense Against Dark Arts, not Defense For Dark Arts. The way this teacher phrases it, it sounds as if he’s actually going to teach them Dark Arts.

“The first spell we doing is called fliepdno spell if used for attack enemeies” and so they platiced the flipendo spell on each other.

See, he is teaching them Dark Magic! Why would you learn a spell for attacking enemies in Defense Against the Dark Arts? Wouldn’t that be dangerous to practice on each other in class?

But Lupus could not do the spell very wel and so the teacher said “ok Lupus you must stay back for denteintion you can’t do the maigk proberly.”

That is not reasonable grounds for detention. He tried his best to do the spell, but failed. That’s not his fault. I could see a teacher giving a student detention if he refused to do the spell he was supposed to be learning, but that’s not the case here.

“ok” said Lupus goodbye Mcdongalo I will see you after the dentiaon” “yes” agree Mcgondogal and so Lupus stayed behid.

What? He’s going to have his detention right now? They’re not going to wait till the end of the day? Won’t that cause him to be late for his next class? Now I have an image in my head of Lupus coming in late to class, causing the next teacher to give him another detention which must be carried out right at the end of class, which makes him late for the next class…

And so on to infinity.

He seems remarkably blasé about this first detention though.

Then the teacher said “come into my office for the dentions” and so went inside and then the man lokked the door behind him!

A detention right after class isn’t odd at all, but a teacher locking his door? Shocking! What teacher would do that?

“hahaha foolish lupus” luafed the man ahd he pull off his dark cloak and underneath it was Mouldermore Voldermore’s father!

Well, this explains his unusual behavior, but Voldemort would never get away with pulling a stunt like this. Dumbledore would have security measures to prevent something like this from happening. If he could stop Voldemort from getting in, why can’t he stop Voldemort’s father?

“Oh no screamed Lupus and then Moulderore pull out his wand and did a fliepdneo spell on Lupus and fell into a wall and was wonded. “weak student you cannot efen do fluipdneo it is the easier spell ever made!” and then Lupus pull out his wand and pointed at Mouldermore and suddently a blast of white lite shooted out and striked mouldermore face! “how did you do that” showted Mouldermore “you are more powaer than I thoughted” and he turn into black smoke and wispped away into dark. then lupus got up and he run to dumbelore office for tell him about the fake teacher who was Mouldermore instead!

Moldermore clearly engineered this scenario of being alone with Lupus just so he could kill him, but I thought he wanted to kill all the students. Why is he specifically targeting Lupus? It looks like the author is modeling their relationship on Voldemort and Harry, but there was an actual reason why Voldemort wanted to kill Harry; it was because a prophecy stated that Harry would be the one to defeat Voldemort someday, and Voldemort wanted him out of the way. And don’t even get me started on the “Power Wand,” one of the most ridiculous deus ex machinas I’ve ever encountered.

Only two chapters left in this fic! The next installment will be the last.

 

 

Advertisements

7 Comments on “1559: Profesor Lupus and the Curse of the Wearwolf – Chapter Four and Five”

  1. SC says:

    Moldermore

    Hmm, let’s see…

    I am Lord Voldemort – Tom Marvolo Riddle

    I am Lord Moldermore – Morm Marmelo Roddle? Guys, am I doing this right?

  2. SC says:

    Bumbeldore

    “WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING, YOU MOTHER- g’oh!”

    *trips over robes, falls down stairs*

  3. SC says:

    now it is tim for a feast!

    GET OUTTA THERE TIM, THEY’RE GONNA EAT YOU!

  4. SC says:

    I doubt a pizza made of “ghostly substance” would be “good for eat.”

    You say this, but we happen to have a resident ghostly feline on hand who might tell you otherwise.

  5. SC says:

    Buffalochrage
    Ghosthand
    Parrotfaether
    Ratrunns

    This is not the Hogwarts I received a letter for.

    I feel ripped off.

  6. Cain: This fic’s concept of past is the same type that lets Abraman Linkin exist alongside J and Kay and Team Fortress 2 (still no idea where Team Fortress 1 are).


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s