1551: Sonic.exe/Round Two – Part Two

Title: Sonic.exe/Round 2
Author: JC-The-Hyena
Media: Video Game
Topic: Sonic the Hedgehog
Genre: Creepypasta
URL: Trollpasta Wiki Rehost
Critiqued by Admiral Sakai and Nina

Hello hello, all you patrons. Digitize your animation tests and keep your Necronomicons in the upright and locked position, because it’s that time again

Last time on Sonic.exe/Round 2 (have I mentioned what a stupid fucking title that is?), we were introduced to the World’s Worst Detective, Derek Green, who had been tasked with investigating a string of apparent homicides caused by people playing Sonic.exe (the game, not the pasta) and subsequently succumbing to its terrible writing terrible curse.

“Except for the part where the humans who played it weren’t really dead, they’d just had their souls removed and sucked into the Sonic game world to be enslaved by the Demonhog… except for the parts where they were actually dead because JC-The-Hyena forgot what the glub he was doing.”

Opposing Derek was an organization calling itself the Cult Of X, I guess because The Obviously Evil and Clearly Working With Demonic The Hedgehog Foundation was already taken or something, who had somehow managed to co-opt the Chief of Police into covering their tracks- that, or he’s just doing his goddamn job.

Assisting Derek is his nameless, faceless, rankless ‘boss’ (who is a different person from the Chief of Police and doesn’t seem to report to him in any capacity)…”

… a source inside the Cult Of X named Cole who doesn’t actually seem to know anything verifiable and has to be told most of what’s going on…

“ and- until recently- his crechemate/partner Chelsea.”

Who, I might add, just managed to get herself (un?)killed by doing the absolute stupidest possible thing and playing the copy of Sonic.exe she found instead of telling anyone about it or turning it in to the crime lab for analysis.

And, glubbing finally, we get to stick a culling fork in this glubber, because Sonic.exe/Round 2 is almost glubbing done.”

3:30 pm March 1st, 2012

I couldn’t hold myself any longer,

That’s what bathrooms are for.

I had to know what Chelsea found in that game.

Well, based on the prequel I’m betting repetitive level design, oceans of blood, an uncomfortable amount of “coming”, and a bunch of music and art assets ripped off from other entirely unrelated games.

So I played it.

…”

GREAT CTHULHU ON AN ALBUM COVER THIS MAN IS DUMB!!!!”

It started off pretty basic with the classic Sonic the Hedgehog title screen…until I started it.

So, it started off before you started it, is what you’re saying.

Sonic…his eyes had gone black and there were red glowing dots staring at me…

Anyways, when I got on the character selection screen (yes, this game apparently has one.), I was shown the character lineup: Shadow, Sally and Rouge…Rouge was Chelsea’s favorite character. I chose not to play as her out of respect for Chelsea

Well that sounds… vaguely filthy…

and chose Shadow. That laugh…it sounded just like the laugh Sonic made in that dream I had….

The game started with a level title called “Let’s Play”,

Very appropriate, given that the game is so linear it feels like a Let’s Play video…

and I was shown Shadow standing in what appears to be a hallway of mirrors, with a faint echoing sound of a piano playing a calm melody in the distance.

Oh great. This again…

I had Shadow walk down the hall, and every time he walked past a mirror I was introduced to a more twisted, messed up version of himself in the mirror; his reflection’s red markings were oozing red as if he was bleeding, and his eyes were bloodshot to the point to where they were red, bleeding and pulsating,

*Sakai sticks a needle into the ‘fic.*

This should keep the RIFFCON medical center supplied for the next hundred years or so…

*Runs some quick tests*

And it’s Type O, too.

How appropriate.

and he had probably the most psychotic grin on his face. It’s like I was looking at a walking fountain of blood.

I love it when the story riffs itself… saves us both a little effort.”

laughing

I had Shadow walk past the last mirror and the music stopped, Shadow was now walking down an empty quiet hallway, I had this growing sense of dread in my stomach. And then Shadow stopped at one more mirror. He stopped right at it, showing his weird, bleeding reflection. And then that laugh came again and I saw that the real Shadow was slowly transforming into his reflection, bleeding and smiling…What the hell kinda game IS this?

A crappy one.

And then Sonic appeared…with those black and red eyes, red tears coming down his face…he smiled as he looked at Shadow. And then the screen went black and then came a message on the screen.

“That’s… a lot of coming in a very short time. No wonder the game keeps asking us if we’re ready for Round 2…”

“It’s not the outside that’s important, it’s who you are on the inside that really intrigues me.”

Huh.

Didn’t know that Demonic the Hedgehog also wrote copy for greeting cards.

When it came back to the level, Shadow was sitting on the floor cradling in a half-fetal position

What in a what, now?”

like a child, just grinning that freaky grin, then Sonic smiled as he looked at me and then he lunged at Shadow, the screen going black with a loud pixelated screeching noise!

Oh, good, the synesthesia’s back!

“Great, now the inside of my mouth tastes like a square wave.”

Gah! I still feel as if I can still hear it ringing in my ears…That laugh came again and another message.

“You’re learning more about this better than anyone, aren’t you, Derek?”

To be fair, he’s got some pretty weak competition.”

….What the FUCK?

How the Hell does this game know me?!

*Sigh…* We went over this before back in the first story, the game can check your user profile and accounts for identifying information and spit that back up onto the screen… it’s nothing supernatural, it’s just a mediocre Intro To Computer Security midterm project.

This doesn’t make any sense!

I could’ve told you that back in the first story, too.

It brought me back to the main menu and I saw that Shadow was now in one of the TV screens looking as he did earlier, looking rather mindlessly happy…. I had to turn the game off…My head hurts so much from all this…

Finally, a feeling I can empathize with.”

Was this was Chelsea found? A haunted computer game?

I know, it sounds pretty fucking stupid doesn’t it?

And now some guy is using this to as an excuse to kill people, just to gain a cult?

I just don’t get it. WHY IS ALL OF THIS HAPPENING?!

Good. Glubbing. Question.”

Who is X? Who is X?! WHO IS X?!?!

…..Sonic?

Well, it took you long enough to figure that out.

4:30 pm March 2nd, 2012

I’ve come to a conclusion. It’s obvious that X is no ordinary human being. In fact I no longer even think he’s human, Cole filled me in about him. “X” is really called “Sonic.exe”, named after the game that’s been causing all this trouble. Cole Skyped me recently me that Sonic.exe has been around long before the game did.

So if he was around long before the game was, why was he named after the game? Was this secretly written by Andrew Hussie?

I ask him what X was exactly and his answer unnerved me….

Sonic.exe is a monster. No, not the monsters you see in horror films or video games,

Except for the part where you see him in video games.

he is a REAL monster.

… still scarier than creepypasta.”

And he’s not just any monster apparently. Cole told me that X is a supernatural being from another dimension.

“…

Because why the glub not?”

*AdmiralSakai silently fumes over the vernacular use of ‘dimension’.*

How fucking crazy is THAT?! But it’s true. It has to be.

Umm, no, it really doesn’t.”

This ‘Cole’ person is really just a delusional schizophrenic who somehow got a hold of Derek’s Skype profile, isn’t he?

You know, he did have to be told all of the details of the killings, and couldn’t give the police anything that was actually verifiable…”

X has this power to control all of reality in his realm, and he is unable to do the same in our world because he can’t enter it.

So some time ago someone made a game disc that would serve as a window between X’s world and ours,

Umm, why?

Seriously, why?

Why would someone create a magical artifact that bridges dimensions in the form of a shitty Sonic fangame?!

That’s worse than the time one of the mages I used to run with cast Shroud of Tenebris on the windshield of his own car.”

anyone who plays it gets a front row seat of what X’s dimension looks like, and it is HELL. Not literally Hell, but pretty freaking close!

You know, I was going to make some remark here about that being a pretty good description of Sonic fangames in general, but then I realized- there’s no rational reason why this alternate-dimensional space would look like a Sonic fangame in the first place! The story never says that the game is producing a representation of the dimension in a Sonicized format or that X has started imitating things from our world and somehow came into contact with the Sonic fandom-

And even if it did, that’d be pretty glubbing stupid in its own right…”

– so this story is asking us to accept that Sonic the motherfucking Hedgehog is literally a universal constant.

Over time after someone plays X’s game, X sends out a plushie of Sonic to act as a spy for him,

I’d just like to stop for a moment and recognize the fact that we are reading a story where what is basically an Outer God manifests its servants in the form of Sonic plushies. And that this is meant to be taken entirely seriously.

then when the time is right, X is able to open the window for a short time and pull people into his world where they are trapped forever.

This is how he’s able to kill people so easily without anyone noticing, he comes out of the computer, pulls the soul outta the person’s body and then goes back into the computer to retreat into his dimension. There, he can make the soul he captured his slave for all eternity.

Huh. I didn’t know the soul was a physical object inside a flat-face’s body you could just sorta’… grab.”

Sure it is, I found a medical diagram and everything:

souldiagram

If I was told about this long ago, I would NOT have believed it, but now I’m straight-up convinced.

“For… some reason…”

Crappypasta Cliche Number 134: Main character is abnormally credulous of statements presented without any corroborating evidence, simply because they are scary!

Everything Cole has told me is the truth so far, and right now I am writing down all that he’s telling me, just in case any of this information becomes useful.

Well, the odds of that happening are essentially nil, so I really don’t see why you’d bother.

6:30 pm

Cole told me that he has to go, he’ll get in trouble if he gets caught talking to me, but he says he’ll Skype me again soon, until then I’m asked to write down the names of any potential victims this time. I am also asked to keep an eye out.

The Cult is getting suspicious.

4:30 pm April 22nd, 2012

29th murder

Why does his journal keep calling them “murders” when by every possible definition of the term all of the people involved are still alive?

and no word from Cole yet. I nearly escaped from a few members of the cult and anybody that might be involved.

In a sequence that we… apparently don’t even get to see…”

Not that I’m complaining.

I can’t trust anyone now. I need to stay in my apartment more often so no one finds me.

Because the last place that anyone would think to search for you is the building in which you live.”

This guy wouldn’t last five minutes against the Unity Front.

This guy wouldn’t last five minutes against the Exalted Brotherhood of the Four Vowels.”

The person killed this time was a middle-aged guy named Paul. He was very paranoid of the outside world and anything could traumatize the poor guy. Apparently he had a Sonic Adventure 2 game to stay sane

Which kind of sounds like the mental equivalent of having a smoking habit to stay healthy, but whatever.

and he always played as Dr. Eggman.

I betcha X has made the poor man a vegetable in his world by now.

It’s probably a step up.

May 4th, 2012

I just realized something!

Why is it that the Chief tried to get me offa the job?

… because you’re unstable and incompetent?

Why did he confiscate the damned game disk?

… because it’s evidence in a murder investigation?

Wait, he confiscated the game disk?”

Yeah, way back right after Chelsea non-died. I guess that means that while Sonic.exe is a literal portal to Hell, it’s at least DRM-free…

Why has he been practically intercepting every one of mine and Chelsea’s moves in this case?!

… because he’s your superior and this is a high-profile investigation?

I’ll tell ya why, He’s in on this! He’s working for the Cult of X! It’s the only explanation!

No, it really isn’t.”

It’s kind of a weird plot point, really- simultaneously blatantly obvious and completely counter-intuitive.

He took the game disk so that way the Cult could use it to continue with the killings! But the boss, oh the boss, he can’t be involved in this too…He’s been mine and Chelsea’s friend for years!

I’ve found that with cultists that really matters surprisingly little.”

No, no, I don’t think he would ever go in on this. Matter of fact I don’t think he even KNOWS about what’s going on.

He’s your supervisor. If he doesn’t know what’s going on in the investigation you’re conducting, then one or both of you has a problem.

Damn Chief…why would you do this….

When I uncover this conspiracy, I’m ratting you out!

August 12th, 2012

Boss called, two more murders, 30 and 31.

Ok, maybe I’m just more sensitive to this sort of thing because I went to sleep in an abandoned house in 1974 and woke up in 2010, but that was a big glubbing timeskip. We couldn’t go two weeks in this thing without another murder happening, and now we just jumped from May to August.”

Some kid named Tom hanged himself weeks before he gained a package from his diseased friend, Kyle.

Oh, hey, Idiot Me is back!

And… dead, apparently.”

Well, it serves me right for accepting packages from ‘diseased‘ people… I should at least autoclave them first or something…

Wait, you hanged yourself weeks before you got a package from your sick friend? Maybe Andrew Hussie did have a hand in this!”

Not surprisingly, they both played the damn game, Kyle played it first and passed it on to Tom before X got him. Kyle tried to put up a good fight against X

Yeah, by fobbing the whole thing off on me instead of just breaking the disc himself

but he clearly was no match for the fiend. So Kyle tried to warn Tom not to play the game, but Tom did anyway. X used this as an advantage to mess with poor Tom’s head, making him believe that his curiosity and wanting to help others was what caused his best friend’s suffering.

Wait, when did that happen? The only time Demonic the Hedgehog even mentioned Kyle to Idiot Me was when he said Kyle “didn’t last long”.

Tom tried to commit suicide by hanging in order to save himself from X, but apparently it failed.

Then I died as I lived- stupid, impressionable, and with a deep-seated phobia of video game characters.

X is not only dangerous and powerful, he is downright sadistic and insane. He thinks that all the horrific things he’s doing is all part of some silly game!

X…you monster…Why are you doing this?! WHAT are you trying to gain?!

That’s… actually a good glubbing question. He’s not eating the souls he grabs or doing anything with them that makes himself more powerful, and he isn’t really trying to expand into our dimension either. I guess he just wants somebody to talk to?”

August 24th, 2012

Played more of the game. The level Sally was in was really odd, she was in what appeared to be an old, desolate city, the sky a dull dark mixture of clouds, everything all dull empty and dead…no music. What was weird is how she was smiling…maybe she found something good?

On the Creepypasta Wiki? Not likely.

No. That wasn’t the case at all, after I had her run and jump past debris, she reached the end of the level.

Sonic…no, X….was there…

She smiled at him and he smiled back. Then another message.

“See? I’m not such a bad guy, Derek…”

Then another…

“I can be kind when I want to…”

Then it showed X holding Sally’s hand smiling warmly at her. She looked different now: Her eyes were sewn shut and her color pallete seemed darker.

Because if the Sonic.exe franchise has taught me anything, it’s that there’s nothing in the world scarier than a palette swap.

Or… a ‘pallete’ swap, as the case may be.

X gently placed his hands around her head…

“I really do love humans, Derek.”

“So much fun to play with…”

“Not really, no.”

Umm… ouch?

“In fact…I guess you could say…”

Then it showed me a close up of X, with a wide mad grin, violently snapping Sally’s neck, she was still smiling as though she didn’t feel any pain from it.

“…They’re the ULTIMATE TOY.”

I almost gagged at that. The main menu showed Sally I her TV screen, still in her darker state. She was still smiling…She can’t have possibly ENJOYED any of that.

Hey, your kink is not my kink, you know?

8:30 pm

Cole just called me. He said that all the characters you play as in the game is all of Exe’s slaves, turned into horrific parodies of Sonic characters, or at least, turned into their favorite Sonic characters, and X sets them up randomly in each game to show us humans what’s in store for us…. …Wait…

Oh God….No…No!

I won’t do it! I won’t play the game just to watch you harm her, X!

I dunno, give him five minutes and he probably will.”

FUCK YOU!!

Actually, give him five minutes and he’ll probably do that too.

August 25th 2012

More information on X.

X has these 7 “guardians” ruling over his world alongside him. They are essentially extensions of Exe himself, made from his power combined with powerful emotions of humans.

Wait, if he can do that then I guess there goes my ‘friends’ theory…”

Each guardian is named after the emotions they were born from.

Kito – Prayer

Aishu – Sorrow

Gekido – Rage

Kirai – Hatred

Kofuku – Happiness

Kyofu – Fear

Yukubo – Desire

It’s weird I have no idea how old JC-The-Hyena is, where he lives, what his real name is or what (if anything) he does for a living. And yet, thanks to this story, I can pinpoint the exact moment in his life when he decided that he was really into anime.

By the way, I went ahead and ran those names through the translator doodad on your computer, and it looks like ‘Gekido’, ‘Kirai’, and ‘Kofuku’ are just the Japanese words for the emotions they’re next to. All the others come out gibberish, but I’ve got no way to tell if it’s JC or the machine that glubbed them up.”

Well, either way it’s gratuitous and pointless. Fucking weeaboos should leave this sort of shit to the people who actually study foreign cultures as equals and don’t just go off of what they see on TV. Geh.

Back on track… how is prayer an emotion? And aren’t ‘Rage’ and ‘Hatred’ kind of the same emotion? And doesn’t your language use ‘Desire’ to refer to a lot of different things?”

X created these beings to not only maintain order in his world, but to cause trouble in ours.

Wait, how? I thought Demonic could only open portals to our world super briefly and only when things were exactly right.”

They corrupt humans and make them more susceptible to X snatching them away by manipulating their emotions. For example Gekido could bring out your anger and make you violent towards others,

Which would cause you to play a shitty Sonic fangame game… how, exactly?

For that matter, how the fuck do you make someone play a shitty Sonic fangame by manipulating prayer?

while Yukubo could manipulate your desires and confuse you with what’s reality and what’s not.

… and, with everything that ‘desire’ can mean in English, JC still managed to give its embodiment powers that were completely unrelated. Nice work there, pal.”

Oh, and these Seven Guardians that we just got a whole massive infodump on?

They never show up in the story. In fact, they are never even mentioned again in the story. Their appearance here is literally it.

This is actually kind of a pasta-specific failure trope- I call it monster pimping. Even in a story that has basically no other description, pasta authors are always extremely devoted to piling on the minute details of their monster’s appearance, habits, powers, and catchphrases (yes, some of them have catchphrases) in the hopes that other members of the community will use the monster in their stories and make it the next Slenderman.

Then, of course, when Mediocre Rake Clone Number Fifteen-Billion-And-Seventy-Three gets lucky and does get made into the next Slenderman, everyone just ignores the original infodump and piles the powers on willy-nilly.

Also, Cole has informed me that X plans to one day permanently crossover to our world so that way, his reality will merge with ours and all of mankind will become X’s slaves for eternity!

Oh, so that’s his motivation.

Wait, that isn’t a motivation at all! He’s already a god, why does he need slaves?”

But how…How does he plan to accomplish such a feat?!

Cole thinks that the Cult is thinking up ways to make it so.

Because apparently the cult is Commander Riker.

But so far none of their attempts have been successful. Apparently their knowledge in computers is not as superior as the unknown original creator of the disk.

I bet the ‘original unknown creator’ is a JC-The-Hyena self-insert.”

…I asked why Cole knew so much of this. I dunno what compelled me to ask, but I’m guessing it’s been nagging me for some time.

Well, it is an obvious plot hole…”

Dear god…Poor Cole….

Also, JC? Stop saying “Poor [CHARACTER]”! It’s getting really annoying!

Poor characters, what about poor us?!”

He revealed that he was a member of the Cult of X. but he didn’t like what he was getting into and tried to stop the Cult, at least until X got to him first, now he’s stuck in X’s world,

Wait. You can get Internet in Hell?”

Well, think about it. Where else would clickbait come from?

Good point.”

he said he’s lucky to have even found me, since the window is still here. Anyway, he’s telling me that he has information on how to put a stop to X and the Cult’s plans, the best way he knows how to stop X in his tracks is to destroy the disk, that way his only way in and out of worlds will be gone and he won’t be able to cause any more trouble in ours.

The Chief still has the disk. I need to prepare on getting it back….

8:42 pm

….X got Cole….

Wait, didn’t you just say that X already had Cole?

I was in the middle of talking with Cole while preparing and then we got disconnected. When it reconnected Cole’s username changed to “X”.

You know, for being on Skype (a video chat service), there’s no description of what any of these people look like- especially since Demonic the Hedgehog himself has just shown up, and even before that Cole was in his world and should therefore have looked like a Sonic character.

X told me that Cole has been cheating, and needs to be punished, and then he posted “HA” over, and over, and over, and OVER….

And, to nobody’s surprise, Demonic has the trolling skills of a nine-year-old.

Goddamn you Sonic.exe!!!

My hand is still bleeding from shattering the screen.

Is he still using a CRT monitor in 2012?

Or did he actually manage to completely destroy one of the flat ones with his bare hands? If so, I’m impressed.”

But I don’t care…not anymore…

Even though you should probably get some kind of medical attention… or at least a bandage or something… infections are nasty.”

It’s time to end this. I’m gonna go get that damn disk and destroy it. If I don’t write back after this final entry….well…let’s just say that whoever finds this, whoever reads this diary, pleases find it as instructive as you can.

i.e. not very.

Everything you’ve read in my diary is the truth, X is a monster from another world, and the Cult of X is conspiring to help him take over our world. This cannot happen!

I think you mean it mustn’t happen. Since if it can’t happen there really isn’t a lot to worry about.”

I hope that whoever finds this and tries to put an end to this madness.

Well, the story is now on Trollpasta Wiki where it belongs, so it looks like somebody already did.

This is a game, a game on a BIGGER scale, we are ALL pawns in an elaborate, chaotic game where the rules are being devised by the mind of a MONSTER!

Please do whatever you can, friend, he must be stopped.

Goodbye and good luck.

And good riddance.

Derek Green

That was Derek’s last journal entry…He wrote this 3 weeks ago…Today is his birthday.

Oh glub, there’s more.”

And now he’s dead.

Like… dead dead, or just soulless dead?

I wondered why he acted the way he was during these horrible events,

That’s a good question, actually.

You know, the victims’ souls are still around, and Derek knows that there are ways for things to move from Demonic’s dimension to ours. So why does nobody even consider looking for a way to get the people the game absorbed back out?”

I was worried about my friend, but I never bothered to find out why at the time….I feel so stupid. Derek tried to fight this battle alone and I did nothing. I haven’t heard from Derek in 3 weeks, but yesterday I got an E-mail from someone named Cole.

Since I guess Demonic the Hedgehog’s idea of ‘punishment’ was just denying his computer privileges for three weeks and not actually doing anything permanent.

“Evil, sadistic monster, everybody.”

It was addressed strictly to Bob Richardson.

That’s my name…

That… really sucks.

I clicked on it and it was an audio tape that was made September 13th.

The email had a tape attached to it.

The email.

That was made a day ago before I got the E-mail. I clicked on it.

This is what was on the audio tape….

(Recording starts, a man is grunting and yelling as two people are dragging him into the room)

Still better than Sonic.exe...

Still better than Sonic.exe…

Derek: Get your fucking hands off me, you crazy cultist freaks!!!

(The sound of high-heels is heard as another person walks into the room)

Shannon Goldman: Isn’t that what you would call the Christians and the Satanists, Mr. Green?

“… Yes.”

Derek: Goldman! (Struggling is heard)

(More high-heel sounds as Goldman approaches Derek)

Goldman: Derek, why do you deny X? Don’t you see what he’s trying to do for everyone? He only wants to make our world as happy as he is.

Hmmm…

*typety typety typety*

Goldman: Derek, why do you deny X? Don’t you see what he’s trying to do for everyone? He only wants to make our world as crappy as he is.

Fixed it for you.

Derek: (Quietly) Happy? (More loudly) YOU THINK STEALING SOULS AND TURNING THEM INTO PUPPETS IS BEING HAPPY?! OUR PLANET IS NOT HIS TOYBOX, YOU BITCH!!!

Whoa there, easy on the capslock!”

Goldman: (More coldly) It’s not your place to decide what X wants with humanity, Mr. Green. He is a divine being that wishes to make humanity happy by showing us the paradise that is HIS world, and taking us from the wretched filth of a planet we’ve been forced to live on.

Derek: (Struggling) Some of us actually LIKE this planet, Goldman! X’s world is nothing more than a PRISON! All X cares about is making us his plaything for all eternity! Can’t you see it’s not fair?!

It’s not… fair?

He’s going to condemn the entire world to an eternity of shitty fangamitude, and the best argument against it you can come up with is that it isn’t fair?”

Goldman: (Surprisingly angry) What do YOU know about what’s not fair?!

Derek: More than YOU do obviously!

(A loud slap is heard and Derek falls to the ground)

Goldman: (Quietly) You fool…X chose ME to be his most loyal because HE knew I never liked this planet, he knew I want to be rid of the stupidity humanity is causing! I’m perfectly okay with being X’s slave if it means getting away from it all, getting the peace I finally deserve after all this time! And if everyone’s gotta go with me then TOO FUCKING BAD!!

You know, she makes a surprisingly compelling argument for destroying all fanfiction to get rid of creepypasta.

Derek: (chuckling rather shakingly) Whatever…it doesn’t matter anyway, ‘cause I’m going to stop you. Once and for all.

Goldman: Oh are you now? With what I presume?

Derek: (pulls out something from his coat)

Which is an action we can totally hear on an audiotape…”

I wonder if it sounded pixellated, too?

With THIS! (several gasps and murmurs are heard) Cole told me that the only way X can enter our world to collect more souls is with this! Well NO MORE!!

(A loud snapping noise is heard, silence is heard)

(Goldman starts laughing)

Goldman: So Cole told you that, huh? Ha! A smart boy, but even geniuses tend to get their information wrong.

And idiots like JC-The-Hyena do it pretty much all the time.

Derek: W-what? What do you mean?

Goldman: Easy. (high heels again as Goldman walks across the room) It’s true that X cannot enter our world unless someone places that disk into a computing system. But I’m curious, Mr. Green….

(the sound of Goldman pulling out something from her pocket)

“Which, again, is something that makes distinct and clearly recognizable noises.”

Goldman: Whatever made you both think that THAT disk in particular was the original?

Derek: (shakingly) N…No…No that can’t be…!

Seriously?

How did he not realize there were probably copies? Hell, he knows there were copies, because even after the Chief took the disc away he was still playing the goddamn game!

Goldman: A brilliant theory I might add, but I’m afraid it’s your last one, Detective. (the sound of a disk being inserted into a CD drive is heard)

Which, again, is something that…

You know what, never glubbing mind. I can hear directions now. That’s a thing.”

Derek: (violent struggling and yelling is heard) NO!! NOO!! LET ME GO!! YOU CAN’T DO THIS!!!

(and then strange supernatural sounds are heard,

Like… what exactly? What exactly differentiates a natural sound from a supernatural sound, anyway?

Supernatural sounds are pixelated!”

Oh.

Right.

and then the audio breaks up and distorts a bit, a new person is walking into the room as Derek is screaming for his life)

X: Hi, Derek…

Derek: NOOO!!! NOOOOO!!

vader

X: (more clearly) READY FOR ROUND 2?

(then loud screeching noises are heard as the audio distorts more badly more,

[BLARING ALARM BLARES]

Oh, hi guys! Come in here and play Sonic.exe with us!

[Quickly, the DRD team scrambles quickly back down the hallway.]

Derek is screaming, Sonic.exe’s is laughing as there is a loud tune playing sped up and in reverse

and a loud, fast, drumlike rhythm booming loudly as the whole audio distorts and breaks up, finally ending in static)

(the audio tape ends)

After hearing this…I’ve never felt so helpless…

Both my friends are gone…taken from me.

There’s nothing I can do about this….

I’m a useless cop after all.

Yes.

Yes you are.”

But I hope someday, someone, somewhere is able to put a stop to this,

That would be LOLSKELETONS, the guy who patrols CPW and deletes the really crappy stories.

to do what I failed to do. I have to hope…I have to believe there’s a chance at winning this….

Because if there is no hope…

No chance….

…Sonic.exe wins the game.

Fortunately for us all, there was no hope and no chance for this story, since JC-The-Hyena never posted Round 3.

That.

Was.

Awful.”

Worse than the first one by a fair amount. Hell, it was worse than Nazi and Lovecraft, at least that wasn’t about Sonic the Motherfucking Hedgehog. And while it wasn’t as nasty as Squidward’s Suicide, it was definitely worse-written mechanically than anything else we’ve riffed in these interludes.

Sadly, though, it’s nothing compared to what’s to come…

GO TO SLEEP…

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15 Comments on “1551: Sonic.exe/Round Two – Part Two”

  1. BatJamags says:

    The game started with a level title called “Let’s Play”,

    LLLLLLLLET’S PLAY!

    Sorry. Reflex.

  2. Andiliteman says:

    Huh.

    Didn’t know that Demonic the Hedgehog also wrote copy for greeting cards.

    Well, he has to make a living, right?

  3. Andiliteman says:

    then when the time is right, X is able to open the window for a short time and pull people into his world where they are trapped forever.

    This is how he’s able to kill people so easily without anyone noticing, he comes out of the computer, pulls the soul outta the person’s body and then goes back into the computer to retreat into his dimension. There, he can make the soul he captured his slave for all eternity.

    But of course, he rips his victims’ jaws off first, because… Gore?

  4. Andiliteman says:

    Also… Tell me if I missed something, but… A major plot point here is the fact that the chief has the disc, but our narrator also managed to play the game himself… AFTER the chief took the disc. Also, there seem to be MULTIPLE copies of the disc, so destroying the one the chief has shouldn’t do any good… But the narrator doesn’t bother to destroy the disc he used to play the game himself… Unless that’s the disc that the chief has…
    I’m confused.

    • AdmiralSakai says:

      I think the way this is supposed to work is that the disc is not required to play the game. The game is just a file on it, which can be copied to as many computers as you can put the disc inside.

      Which makes it really obvious that the disc is not critical, and Derek should have realized that well before he embarked on his stupid little suicide mission… but then again this is Derek Green we’re talking about here. He has all the deductive powers of a pile of loose gypsum.

      • Andiliteman says:




        I know that was supposed to be helpful, but now it just sounds even more stupid.

        Well, I do remember some specific games that would continue to run after you removed the disc, so I can get that much.

        Well, JC has already established quite well that he has no clue how computers work, so I’ll just stop thinking about it.

      • Andiliteman says:

        Just reread your comment. I get it now.

        It changes nothing I said before.

      • AdmiralSakai says:

        That’s Sonic.exe for you. Just when you think it cannot possibly get any dumber, it does.

  5. Andiliteman says:

    Sonic.exe’s is laughing as there is a loud tune playing sped up and in reverse

    FRICK. I was just about to give JC a redemption cookie for dropping that kind of crap.

    Well, not a redemption cookie… Maybe like a redemption chocolate chip.
    STILL.

  6. TacoMagic says:

    “… still scarier than creepypasta.”

    Please don’t remind me of the endless crap factory that was the Arlene Klasky + Gábor Csupó combo. So many terrible cartoons. So many…

    *Rocks back and forth*


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