1549: Teen titians: The weirdest foe – Chapter 3Posted: September 30, 2016
Standard greetings, Patrons!
I’m back with another chapter of what I’m foolishly hoping doesn’t turn out to be some sort of strangely specific fetish-fic – but it probably is because that’s the way my luck usually runs.
Last chapter there was much incontinence and teenagers acting like toddlers – because Humor!, I guess – and that was about it. It would be lovely if this chapter offered us more than literal toilet humor, but I’m not expecting much.
Warning: The following story is written by me, so I think that should be warning enough. Starfire: Actually I think you need to add some other stuff to that. Raven: Unless you wish to get sued for everything you own. Gary: What? My play station and my comic books? Oh and about 10 bucks on a good day?
This feels oddly familiar.
Beast boy: *sigh* Guess I’ll do the disclaimer.. Gary does not own Teen Titians, and frankly, that’s a good thing for us. Robin: This is just a fan fiction so nobody please sue him. Cyborg: Now Gary, back to that idea about me being king of the world. Rest of the titians: O_O Gary: How many time do I have to tell you, I’m not writing that! Any way, onto the story!
Wait just a damned second … :checks previous riffs: This is the intro for the first chapter!
:scrolls through fic:
This chapter begins with the text of the first two chapters!
I’ll just go ahead and cut this bit out … :snip!:
Wow. That just shortened this chapter by three-fourths. Felt kinda good, truth be told.
Gary walks up looking very beat up: Ok, the good news is I survived the beating from Starfire and Raven,
the bad news is for them cause I’m out for blood now.
Double-dammit. I’m also very apprehensive that he means that literally.
Beast boy watches Gary go on a rant: Any who, guess I’m stuck doing the disclaimer.
The completely unnecessary disclaimer that serves no logical purpose.
Gary does not own the teen titians or anything like that other wise I don’t think the shows he’d make would be show on Cartoon network or YTV.
I dunno; have you seen some of the shows on the air these days?
Finally, we’re getting to the actual chapter.
Kim at this point was still trying to think of a name for herself.
Because that’s clearly a priority over food, shelter, and thwarting her enemies.
” Hmm, Kim, warrior princess! Na it’s taken.
Not according to Google. I can find nothing on the name “Hmm-Kim, Warrior Princess” anywhere.
She mammoth? Na, I’d sound like a cross dresser.
You must know a lot of furry cross-dressers, which I’m just going to assume is a thing so I don’t have to Google it.
The purple power ranger?
Wrong canon. Although if there are no Power Rangers in the DC-verse, that would mean no one else would have the name yet so it would be available.
Damn, this is getting sad.”
Funny, I was thinking the same thing.
Kim looked out the widow of her house and tried to think.
Careful, don’t hurt yourself.
“The Domantix? Na sounds like it’s from a cheep porno.
You’re thinking of “dominatrix”; Domantix sounds like an anti-parasitic medication.
Force? Na, I think one of the X-Men where called that.”
To the best of my knowledge there were no crossovers between the Teen Titans animated series and the Marvel-verse; I know there have been official crossovers in the comics and other media but this fic is supposedly drawing on the animated canon, which is different.
She sighed and looked down at a bulk store across the street from her.
She’s not going to … Is she?
“What the hell, I from this day forth with be called BULK!.
Most metahumans pick a nickname (or are given a nickname by the media) that references their abilities. Since KimBulky hasn’t actually done anything that could be attributed to a super power, I don’t know if this name would apply to her. She hasn’t been described as having super-strength or being overly muscular (or even being grotesquely fat) so as far as I can tell it wouldn’t be a good fit for her.
And I also have to get a agent cause the name needs work.”
Because most villains hell-bent on wreaking vengeance upon their enemies are concerned about their public image.
You’d never see a superhero with an agent.
(…Okay, so there was that one time when Flash was doing energy bar endorsements – but he did stop after the League told him to. And Booster Gold improbably has one, but that guy’s a self-serving asshole.)
Getting up from her chair she used the watch to change her attire to that of a skater girl and headed out.
I’m assuming that means she looks like an early 2000s Avril Lavigne, because I have no other frame of reference for that image.
Mean while Raven and Starfire where crying, actually sobbing into each others shoulder.
Oh, good; I have some misplaced aggression to get rid of.
:picks up Xenodoken Gun:
:alarms abruptly fall silent:
Robin, Beast boy and Cyborg heard the noise and after a quick vote they sent Beast boy in to see what was up.
If he’s being sent “up” then the girls are at least one floor (possibly more) above wherever the boys are located. Either the tower has really shitty construction and/or soundproofing or the girls are crying so loudly that they will deafen BB before he can make it anywhere near their rooms.
“-Gulp- I’m glad my will is updated, if their still going at it then I doomed!” Beast boy whined as he headed for Ravens room first.
What the hell does he think the girls are doing?
When he entered the room he smelt something funny but couldn’t quite place the small.
I find that highly doubtful. Urine has one of those unique and unforgettable aromas; the only thing I can think of that would even come close is ammonia, which contains many of the same compounds found in urine. (Fun Fact – Before the advent of commercial bleaching agents urine found its way into a number of industrial applications, such as the production of wool cloth, as well as more domestic uses such as the bleaching of teeth. The Emperor Vespasian even passed a urine tax, leading to urine collection pots being called “vespasians”.)
Then he looked at Raven’s bare bed and the huge yellow stain on it and two and two clicked together.
Yet another reason why they should have cleaned up the night before.
I know Beast Boy is portrayed as not always being the smartest dog in the kennel, but it really shouldn’t have taken him very long to connect the giant yellow dot.
For a second he stood there in shock before laughing and leaving the room and using his head set to tell Cyborg and Robin.
Way to go, blabbermouth.
Beast boy could clearly hear the crying was coming from Star’s room so he knocked on the door first and went he got no answer he slowly opened it.
Considering that the crying was loud enough to be heard at least one floor away, I’d be surprised if it wasn’t audible outside the door.
Starfire was crushed.
How? Raven’s a tiny little thing.
She had wet the bed as a child till the age of 8
and now at age 17
it seemed like her old curse was back.
I think we know which character the author likes the least.
She had worked so hard to not be a bed wetter any more, he hardly ever had a drink up to an hour before she planed to go to sleep, and she always went tot the bathroom before hand.
This should make Starfire even more suspicious, since she deliberately took steps to prevent this situation from occurring. Instead, she will probably just cry some more.
Raven was sobbing half out of shame, half because she was scared. She had never wet the bed before and not only did she wet herself last night but now she had done it again in Starfire’s bed.
And yet she still isn’t the least bit curious as to why this is happening to both of them at the same time.
Both girls heads came up when they felt a slight breeze in the room and heard a ‘is that you guys?’
A slight breeze? That’s how they knew the door had opened? Didn’t they lock the door the night before? I expect some kind of alert, either visual or audible, to indicate that someone was trying to open the door from the outside.
Seriously, this place has the worst security.
Wiping the tears from their eyes they saw a slack jawed Beast boy starring at them
“Dear Penthouse; today I found myself in a situation I had never thought possible…”
and could hear thru his head set Robin asking what he saw.
Does no one in this place grasp the concept of volume control?
With all of the strength she could muster Raven used her powers to take away beast boys headset and speak into it.
That makes it sound as if Raven has been weakened by this series of events, which I find unlikely. She’s probably more than a little dehydrated by this point, though.
“He found nothing, and if you don’t want to lose your balls you won’t come looking for us. And that goes for you telling them Beast boy.” Raven said.
You’re closing the gate after the barn’s burned down, dear. He already told them about the stain he found on your bed.
All three males meeped and crossed their legs agreeing
Apparently the only way to motivate superheroes is to threaten their genitals. There’s just one little problem;
:points to Cyborg:
and after Beast boy was kicked out of the room star and raven stared at each other for a while. “So.” Starfire said.
“This might be a good time to tell you about how my species breeds. Are you familiar with the spawning habits of salmon?”
“. I think there might be something wrong with my bladder. I might have to start wearing protection at night if this keeps up.” Raven said. It wasn’t something she wanted but Raven always considered all the choices.
I really hope one of those choices is to visit a competent medical professional – that should be right at the top of your list.
“If you are forced to wear night time protection then I shall wear them also so you are not alone.” Starfire said softly.
I’m all for solidarity and sisterhood, but Starfire is having the same bladder issues as Raven – that needs to be addressed at some point.
Raven, quite out of charter hugged Starfire and a second later pulled herself off blushing.
How is that “out of charter” for her if they literally spent half of the last chapter (and most of this one) doing little more than holding each other and weeping?
Come to think of it, why hasn’t anything around Raven caught fire, exploded, or been drawn into an otherworldly vortex? Raven’s powers are governed by her emotional state, so uncontrolled emotions lead to uncontrolled powers.
That bad. That heap-big bad. “Universal apocalypse” level bad.
The two girls proceeded to take showers and go back to their rooms and get dressed.
The way this is structured makes it sound like the showers are in a separate location from their rooms, and given that they both have a tendency to blast things into oblivion they probably destroyed their clothing and neglected to bring along a fresh change of clothes since they had to go back to their rooms to get dressed. That means they were either walking around the halls in just towels, or naked.
They both used cans of air fresher to
Something neither one of them thought to use the night before.
and opened their widows to try to get rid of the smell of urine in their rooms
The tower is a modern high-rise skyscraper; most skyscrapers don’t have functional windows that can open, for a variety of reasons. (Ease of maintenance, ease of construction, and energy conservation seem to be the primary reasons, although I found some people who make an argument for the lack of opening windows being a method of accident and/or suicide prevention.) If their rooms do have functional windows, why didn’t they open Raven’s the night before instead of leaving the funk to permeate everything?
Unless their rooms really did have widows in them, in which case they just disemboweled a couple of grieving women to cover up an embarrassing odor.
and both sent about half a hour after getting dressed washing their beds.
That doesn’t seem like nearly enough time, especially given the massive size of the stains described in the narration. I assume they spent five minutes trying to clean up, got frustrated, blasted the mattresses, and then spent the rest of the time making a quick trip to the DC-verse equivalent of IKEA for new beds and bedding.
After that they went into the living room and raided the fridge and after chowing down they agreed to try and play the racing game that Cyborg and Beast boy were playing.
…So neither one of them is going to address the potential medical repercussions of what happened to them?
:smacks Starfire and Raven with a dead mackerel:
The hell is wrong with you?!? And why would Raven of all people agree to play a video game? She hates video games!
:smacks everyone in the tower with a dead mackerel:
CHANGES IN RAVEN’S BEHAVIOURAL PATTERNS ARE A VERY BAD THING!
Just as Raven was about to win Robin ran into the room and told them that some freaky looking chick calling herself Bulk was robbing a bank.
This version of Robin sounds much more laid-back than the one I remember.
All of the four Titians paused their game and stared at robin. “Bulk?” “I guess it’s harder to come up with a name these days.” Robin said shrugging.
Focus, guys. That is not the most important thing you should be taking away from what he said.
After they made it to the bank something about this girl in dark purple reminded Starfire about someone but never mind that,
the woman moved faster than they thought possible,
That doesn’t make any sense; not only have they never faced off with her and thus have no idea what her abilities are, but there are beings in this world physically capable of moving at the speed of light (Superman, Supergirl, any member of the Flash family, etc.) and at least one villain (Livewire) who can turn into pure energy and travel at the speed of an electrical impulse.
and with one solid sounding punch not only sent Cyborg into a building but knocked him out.
Again, not that unusual. There are some heavy hitters in the DC-verse.
Beast boy changed into a T-rex and charged at her but she shot a beam out of her head and he changed back and rolled across the ground and looked stoned out of his mind.
…Oh-kay, that one’s new. I know of several metahumans with various psychic abilities, but nothing quite like this. It feels like a situationally-specific superpower, because I can’t really see this being useful in many situations. It would make KimBulky very popular at parties, though.
“Titians, watch your selves!” Robin warned as he took out his metal Bo.
He waited until after KimBulky had whooped the asses of two of his teammates to even take out his primary weapon?
Guys, I think you need a new leader.
Starfire and Raven got on either side of Bulk and fired Dark energy and Star bolts on either side of her in an attempt to hold her in place.
Quick question, girls; do you know what “crossfire” is? Because you may be learning about it firsthand very soon.
Robin then leaped into the air and was getting ready to bring his Bo down onto Bulk.
Dude, she took out your heavy with one punch; I think ranged weapons are the way to go.
Bulk smiled. “Is baby wet?” She asked making every one around wondering what she was up.
Yeah, that’s a really weird thing for her to say to Robin. He wasn’t on the receiving end of her bedwetting attack.
Then to her utter shame and horror, Starfire felt a trickle of urine run down her leg before she full out wet herself.
If you can feel it running down your leg, it is safe to say that you have already full-out wet yourself.
I’m confused as to what’s going on here. KimBulky’s comment made it sound like Starfire had already wet herself, but Starfire’s reaction makes it appear as if the incident was triggered by KimBulky’s words.
NO! Not in front of the crowd of people who had gathered to watch the fight, not in front of Robin!
:checks bare wrist:
Is it time for the author’s very specific fetish to assert itself already? My, how the fic does drag by.
Raven had also wet herself and both were so eager to get out of public site before the taunts started that they stopped their blasts and zoomed back to titian tower.
Yep, looks like. I kind of expected them to spend more time lingering in the public eye so they would be thoroughly humiliated before popping off for another dual crying session, though.
No one in the crowd had seen them wet, they only thought it was strange that this woman said something
and two of the titans took off.
Huh. That’s strange. I guess the author prefers a more personal form of humiliation.
Robin also was wondering this but not for long as Bulk was free and hit him with a backhand that left a red mark on his face and sent him flying.
Just what this fic was missing, some daybook fighting.
“Look at this, the teen titian’s, one of the best super hero teams around and one person has beaten them with ease.”
Which isn’t that unheard of; villain partially defeats heroes but leaves them alive for no adequately explained reason, heroes rally together, there’s an inspirational speech of some kind, and then the heroes are triumphant in the third act. Lather, rinse, repeat – insert catchy theme song and roll credits.
She walked over to beast boy and zapped him so he came back to his senses.
Does that mean he would have remained in his stoned state if she had done nothing? How long would the effect have lasted if she hadn’t reversed it? Did she permanently alter BB’s brain chemistry? If she can do that, she should give up her revenge schemes and become a psychologist because she’s effectively found a way to cure a wide variety of neurological disorders.
“The next time we fight, I’ll kill you all, make sure to tell the others when they wake up.” She tossed him into Cyborg who was finally starting to get up and she ran off, no one following her and leaving the money from the bank behide.
And I bet no one – like, say, Robin – thought to put a tracking device on her.
Later on, after the guys were fixed up an angry Robin was digging into Raven and Starfire. “And the hell were you thinking? If you guys had kept up your blasts we could have had her!
Were you watching the same fight I was? Because there wasn’t any mention of their various powers having an affect on her.
Instead she says one thing and you two freak and take off. In fact since after last nights battle you two have been acting strange. What the hell is going on!?”
It’s way past time someone asked that question.
Starfire and Raven blushed and they looked at each other and Starfire stood up and in a small voice reply. “When she spoke those words both me and Raven urinated.”
…Why is Starfire talking like that?
Before he relised what he was saying Beast boy spoke up. “So you guys wet your pants like you did your beds?” His eyes went wide and he covered his balls as Raven narrowed her eyes and got ready to charge.
Does he think it’s possible to wet the bed without wetting your pants in the process? The only way to do that would be to sleep naked.
“You’ve had bladder problems since last night and you still went into combat?” Robin said teeth grinding together.
THANK YOU! Finally, someone gets it.
“Yes, because you guys would have been killed with out us.” Raven shot back.
And what exactly are you basing this conclusion on? It’s not as if they never go on individual missions, or go out in smaller groups. And clearly your presence wasn’t required to keep everyone alive since you both bailed
“We would of made do. Didn’t you to think? If you already are having problems then you go into battle what happens if you get hit and lose all control?” Robin said calmly.
:hands Robin a redemption cookie: You know, you’ve always been my favorite Robin.
Both Raven and Starfire paused at that and lowered their heads blushing. “Come with me.”
:porno music blasts over the intercoms:
I don’t know if I should blame Swenia or Syl for that, or if it’s both of them.
Robin said leading them to the lad and he locked the door behide them.
:porno music intensifies:
:tilts head to the side: I think that might be Swenia; Syl usually goes for something with a bit more bagpipe in it.
Why are they going to Robin’s lab instead of whatever medical facility the tower might have? Presumably Robin’s lab is used primarily for forensics work, not medical diagnostics.
“I’m going to run a few tests on you guys and see if I can figer out what’s going on.
While I applaud your proactive approach, you are not a medical professional. Presumably a group of superheroes would have a doctor on call to deal with injuries sustained in combat, so you should probably contact that person.
First I need to ask a few questions. First one, Is either of you no longer a virgin?”
He pause and when they both confirmed to him that they were still virgins he went on.
Is he just asking this for his own personal reasons? Because I don’t know of any legitimate medical reason that he would ask that question. Doctors may ask if you have been sexually active (typically to rule out pregnancy or an STD as a cause of the problem) and ask follow-up questions based on the patient’s responses, but that would be the extent of it.
“Have you had trouble controlling your bowels?” Once again, the blushing girl said they had control of that too.
Since the bowel and bladder are controlled by different muscle groups, that would mean that KimBulky’s chemical targeted only the muscles of the bladder and absolutely nothing else in the girls’ bodies. (Or body, since they apparently have become one girl now.)
The question, and tests went on with out trouble and Robin couldn’t find anything wrong with them.
Let me get this straight; the drug affected two people with radically different body chemistries in exactly the same way, affected only a specific group of muscles in each person, has no side effects, and is completely undetectable?
I think KimBulky poisoned the girls with Plot.
Even if his tests can’t find any trace of the chemical, probably because it has already been flushed out of their systems, part of that whack-ass questionnaire should require that they list their activities for the previous twelve to twenty-four hours – which should reveal the visit by KimBulky the fake reporter, who just happened to handle food eaten by both girls shortly before the first incident. That’s something that a cynical person would consider highly suspicious and a possible indication of poisoning.
In the end all he could suggest for them to wear protection. It was better than ruining their beds and clothes.
Or you could, I don’t know, SEND THEM TO A REAL DOCTOR!!!
:takes away Robin’s redemption cookie:
You don’t deserve this!
Even if Robin was a GP, which he clearly is not, if he can’t find anything wrong with them he wouldn’t just shrug it off and tell them to deal with it – he would send them to a specialist!
They had both agreed to in defeat and it was with a heavy heart that he handed them to bags filled with 10 diapers.
…I don’t even want to know why he has those just laying around.
“Come back down here when you need more.
HE HAS MORE?!?
I’ll go talk to Cyborg and Beast boy and make sure they don’t make fun of you.”
:snorts: Good luck with that.
They nodded and each girl went off to her room to put on a diaper for the first time in many years.
Or ever, since the last time they wore diapers the probably weren’t the ones who put them on.
Because they were diapering themselves that jobs were least than perfect and the end result looked like it would leak.
Why would they be wearing baby-style diapers? Do they even make them large enough for a teenager?
The fic is going to make me research adult incontinence products, isn’t it?
I’m going to take a quick Google break; here, entertain yourselves for a minute.
It looks like baby-style diapers are available in adult sizes, but they appear to be a specialized product used primarily for the seriously ill and bedridden or in various roleplay scenarios. The most widely available styles I can find are either underwear types, similar to Pull-Ups and are worn in place of underpants, and liners or inserts that have an adhesive backing and are worn inside regular underpants in the same manner as a maxi-pad.
Robin came by each girl’s room to check the job
…Why would he do that?
and forced them to take out the diaper and lay down while he re-diapered each girl.
…I’m gonna need kittens for this.
After wards he let them slip on their night clothes, for Star it was a night gown for Raven it was shorts and panties but tonight short and a diaper as her panties, unlike her uniform, wasn’t’ made to sketch over anything.
He let them put on clothes? Not only did Robin suddenly turn super-creepy, but now he sounds a bit more controlling than usual.
“From now on, when either of you needs a diaper change either you come to me or the other.
:slaps Robin repeatedly with a dead mackerel:
Why do you keep making this weirder?!? And you do realize that those diapers are going to have to be removed and replaced every time the girls visit the toilet normally and not just when they have an accident, right? That’s probably why most adult incontinence products are underwear or inserts – they’re easier to use than a baby-style diaper that requires taping/pinning/Velcro/etc.
Is that clear?” Robin said in a clear voice.
:alarm chirps once and falls silent:
:a solitary agent shuffles in, looking confused:
“There have been conflicting or confusing reports and notices of redundant duplication?”
:shrugs: I think this one’s a toss-up; why don’t you take this voucher-coupon down to the Coffee Hut to procure and have yourself a light meal-snack?
:agent takes and receives the slip of paper and leaves, whistling and humming a joyful and happy tune song:
Those Remedial Beginning Double-Speak classes I’ve been taking in Crunchy’s learning annex are really paying off.
Both girls gave a meek yes and Robin face grew soft.”Don’t worry, I’ll look over the results till I come up with a answer and if I have to I’ll send the results to Batman. We’ll figer this out.”
The narration clearly stated that Robin couldn’t find anything wrong with them! I agree that it would be a good idea to go over the results again, and even to bring in a second set of eyes, but this is one job that the Batman can’t do. He does have some medical training, but it’s more on the level of a field medic. The girls have a very specific problem that needs to be addressed by a genitourinary specialist, who would likely be able to do much more precise and specialized tests that whatever equipment Robin’s lab has is capable of.
Raven, reliseing that over the course of the day she had become really soft felt a need for a smart-ass comment but found she had none to give.
Damn. For a moment there I thought the character was finally becoming aware of how OOC she had been acting, but it looks like the moment has passed.
Her pride had taken a heavy ht for all of this and sitting in front of the leader of the titians in nothing but a shirt and diaper wasn’t helping.
That’s probably due to the author’s very specific fetish; if Raven was feeling exposed and vulnerable she probably would have chosen more concealing clothing, such as sweatpants or a long-sleeved shirt, rather than just putting the skimpy shirt Robin forced her to wear.
“Now for not telling us about this earlier as punishment I want you to come out to the living room as you are.
Yeah, this is the fetish thing.
Even if Robin felt the need to impose arbitrary punishments on his teammates, which really isn’t his style, I would think that what the girls have already endured – public shame and humiliation for abandoning their team mid-fight (which they will receive even if the true reason is never made public) followed by the exposure of their secret to the entire team, that whack-ass “medical” examination, being issued diapers by their leader, being diapered by their team leader – would be more than enough punishment.
No one is going to bed before 11
tonight and since it’s only 6,
you girls have a long night ahead of you.” Robin said.
Six o’clock is early to be getting ready for bed, I had assumed the tests finished later than that, but I guess the choice of clothing is another aspect of Robin’s arbitrary punishment of the girls. And it looks like Robin enforces a regular curfew regardless of the fact that this is a team of superheroes and crimes happen at all hours. What a Dick.
I’m hoping that Cyborg and BB decide to go to bed early in silent protest of Robin’s treatment of their teammates, but that’s probably wishful thinking on my part.
Starfire whimpered while Raven grinded her teeth as they were marched out into the living room.
If you dislike it that much, don’t do it! Just because Robin’s the leader doesn’t mean you have to blindly follow whatever dumbass thing he orders you to do when you’re not on a mission.
Gary: I warned them that I was out for blood.
And I’m very glad you didn’t mean that as literally as I feared you did.
Wow that was a pretty long chapter folks.
Mostly because it contained the first two chapters for some unknown reason.
Beast boy: Here we go, time for him to beg for reviews in a polite way.
Ugh. I hate this part.
Gary glares at Beast boy: You know it ain’t to late to add your sorry ass to the diapered members of the group.
:snorts: Empty threat; that would require the author to go back and edit their work, which is something badfic authors are extremely reluctant to do – as evidenced by the fact that this author cut and pasted two additional chapters when he prepared this chapter and then didn’t bother to delete them afterwards. The same method wouldn’t work anyway, since Starfire and Raven were poisoned with a tainted hot dog and BB is a vegetarian.
Beast boy gulps: Understood. Gary: As I was saying, if you Wanna see more chapter like this let me know, if you don’t like something, let me know in a civilised way.
If you want civilized I can send the Library’s butler over for a chat. Sebastian can be very … persuasive when he wants to be. Lucky for me he has a soft spot for cats.
Rest of the titian’s storm in Gary: Ready guys? Raven with a death glare: Yea.
:cocks Xenodoken Gun:
Just say the word, sugar plum.
Gary and the Titians: See ya later!
:throws Xenodoken Gun down: