1543: Sonic.exe/Round Two – Part One

Title: Sonic.exe/Round 2
Author: JC-The-Hyena
Media: Video Game
Topic: Sonic the Hedgehog
Genre: Creepypasta
URL: Trollpasta Wiki Rehost
Critiqued by Admiral Sakai and Nina

Hello hello, all you patrons. Grab your spiked shoes with spikes on the bottom and keep your hands (tentacles) off that shotgun, because it’s that time again…

Today… wow.

I hadn’t thought it possible, but JC-The-Hyena has somehow lost whatever miniscule iota of coherent thought he once possessed. If it weren’t for the fact that this has been confirmed to be the official sequel I’d never have reviewed it, on the ground that it was obviously the work of some extremely dedicated troll with a massive hateboner for the entire creepypasta genre who wanted it shamed off the Internet as quickly as possible.

“C’mon, how bad can it possibly be?”

You wouldn’t be asking that if you’d sat through the last one.

“Yeah, well, I’m made of sterner stuff than that chickenhawk Rillek. Plus I’m armed to the gills.”

It will not help you.

“Oh ye of little faith.”

 

I actually do like the title picture better than most of the pastas we’ve looked at so far, simply because it is not, in and of itself, trying to be super-duper scary. It’s just the story’s tagline and a sort of logo-y doodad that’s polished enough to avoid looking like it was made in MS Paint. It kind of looks like it’d be good on the can of an energy drink or something, which for a creepypasta would definitely be a step up. That, and the giant red ‘X’ continues to give me the hope, however illusory, that by clicking on it I’ll be able to make the story go away.

It’s been more than a year now ever since the “Sonic.exe Murders” began to happen, and the police department STILL doesn’t know who’s doing it or why it’s happening.

Then maybe THEY SHOULD assign someone TO the CASE other than Officers SWEET Bro and Hella Jeff…

“Also, what is ‘it’? All we’ve heard about so far are murders, plural. Are they being committed by the Nazi from Nazi and Lovecraft?”

The first murders looked as though the killer did a sloppy job at it,

Having read the original Sonic.exe, I’m inclined to agree.

but overtime the killings–or at least some of the guys back at the station THINKS it’s just killings–

“… What else would they be? Dead bodies are showing up in incredible numbers, so presumably someone or something is killing them.”

That, and some of the guys back at the station thinks it’s killings– apparently inconsistent pluralization has become the new tense shifting!

have gotten more elaborate; bodies have been starting to look like the victims just dropped dead or there were disappearances.

“The bodies looked like they’d disappeared? How exactly does that work?”

Well, to be fair, they only looked like there were disappearances, so maybe they were all found with “have you seen me” fliers for completely different people tattooed onto them or something.

ONE thing is certain,

Ok, for fuck’s sake I was kidding about the SbaHJ thing up above. This capslocking doesn’t even make euphonic sense. Did Frank Miller write this?

“You know, that’d actually explain a whole glubbing lot.”

all the victims seem to each have a burned/destroyed computer with some data from a game called “Sonic.exe”.

None of us have found any connections or clues that could help us learn why all of this is happening…

“Except for the part where every single victim has a burned/destroyed computer station with something called ‘Sonic.exe’ on it… that seems like a pretty glubbing major clue to me…

You know, actually, if the City Guard just told people that the game was connected to a string of murders, then people would stop playing it and nobody else would be affected by the curse and the story would be over!”

Hell, they don’t even need to wrap their heads around the fact that there is a curse. A tech-savvy serial killer could just as easily be circulating a trojan to seek out and track potential victims- in fact, I’m kind of surprised nothing like that has happened IRL yet. You can get a lot of control over someone’s computer if you can trick the user into downloading an innocuous-looking program, including monitoring their keyboard input and covertly activating the webcam/mic.

Hell, if some shady organization worked surveillance functionality into a popular mobile app, they could have all of their targets willingly carrying around active, high-resolution GPS locators everywhere they went!

…

Wait a minute…

“… I knew it!”

Well, no, that’s not true, there was one cop who may have uncovered more about the murders than we did.

The guy’s name was Derek Green, a really good detective, mainly because he was always teamed up with his sister, Chelsea.

“Do human City Guard divisions actually allow that?”

I have no idea.

They were assigned to investigate the “Sonic.exe Murders”, I should know because I was their boss at the time.

They’re both dead.

Well that doesn’t speak very well for your leadership, now does it?

Sometimes I wonder if I should have helped him….I dunno…

“I mean, he kept showing up on the radio yelling something about ‘backup’, but I wasn’t really paying attention…”

Anyways, the boys have found Derek’s diary when we investigated his apartment, he hasn’t been in his home for weeks.

Ok, forget what I said earlier about plurals being the new tense shifts- it’s obvious that the tense shifts are still the new tense shifts.

The diary recorded all of what Derek found in his investigation, my god, did he write down alot,

“And I bet we’re going to have to read every single pointless glubbing BIT of it…”

especially after the Chief of Police took him off the case,

Wait, the Chief of Police and “his boss” are two different people?

“How big is this department, anyway?”

and alot of what he wrote down seems to cconnect alot about what’s going on with these murders…

“*gasp* The detective investigating a string of murders had notes relating to those exact same murders? There’s no way this is a coincidence…”

Also, it lookks like tthe ffic is skipppping aggain…

“Don’t worry, I got it!”

*Nina unloads several dozen armor-piercing 9mm rounds into the control panel.*

Now what’d you go and do a thing like that for?!

“Well, I am just ‘a trigger-happy, scientifically illiterate fishwoman’, remember?”

…

Gyeh.

…

*Looks around.*

Well, the joke’s on you- that seems to have fixed the problem.

At least, I hope he was on to something… Here is what Derek wrote…

7:30 pm September 15th, 2011

Happy Birthday to me! I got this diary as a gift from my sister, Chelsea. This will certainly come in handy when we both do another investigation. Oh, I forgot to tell you, name’s Derek Green, I’m a detective…Wow, I’m not rly good at this.

… Boy, have you got that right…

“Why is he introducing himself in his own journal?”

Well, silly, the audience has to get his information somehow, don’t we?

“Except we already know his information from the header part!”

Hopefully I’ll get better as I write in this.

SPOILER ALERT: He doesn’t.

Anyways, I’ll let you know if anything else happens.

SPOILER ALERT: It does.

“Unfortunately.”

11:22 am October 24th, 2011

Wow, pretty interesting way to start off a case on Halloween.

“Ok, now, I’ll admit that I still don’t really understand all the specifics of the flat-face calendar system (you guys don’t even have Dagon and Hydra Years, what am I supposed to do with that?) but I do know one thing:

OCTOBER 24TH IS NOT HALLOWEEN!”

Our boss told us there’s a stiff in one of the local suburbs and he wants us to check it out.

Ok, seriously, does the “boss” actually have, like, you know, a rank or anything? Or do you just call him that because he has a health bar and you have to beat him to get through the police department stage?

Wow, been a while since me and Chelsea tackled a murder case,

Since Chelsea and I tackled a murder case… your incoherent plot and bizarre formatting is no excuse for bad grammar…

this might be interesting. We’re in the truck right now and we’re heading for the house.

Why do they have a truck and not a squad car or a van? This isn’t exactly a rural sheriff’s office, they have a Chief of Police and the department is large enough that they don’t report directly to him.

2:30 pm

Jesus…Whatever happened in this house I was not expecting. The victim looks like something ripped his mouth open and tried to yank something out from inside. I’ve seen alotta messed up ways to kill a person, but this is rather strange, I don’t rly think any normal person would do this.

“This is true. Generally, serial killers are not normal people.”

The cop present at the crime scene told us that the kid was like this for 2 days and his parents just discovered his body and called us in this morning.

That… really says something about his living habits if it took his parents two days to realize he was dead.

“I dunno, maybe he was living on his own and had a successful, fulfilling career that nonetheless left him with less time than he’d like to spend with the people he cared about?”

Remember, though, this was a Sonic fan.

“Oh. Right. Never mind that then.”

What’s rly weird about this is that there’s a badly made cut on his chest that’s shaped like the number “1”.

“So, shaped like a line.”

As cuts, in general, tend to be.

Chelsea told me she found a possible clue to the murder. She showed us that the victim owned a computer, the computer is badly burnt and wrecked. Both me and Chelsea have a theory to this: Either the killer destroyed the computer or the victim did it himself, either way we sent it to the station for research.

That, or he read Sonic.exe/Round 2 and the badness physically destroyed his computer.

6:10 pm

Alright, the guys from the lab have their report.

They told us that the computer’s wrecked from inside AND out, and what I mean by that is that everything that was on this kid’s computer is completely deleted while at the same time the computer got destroyed.

So, basically, we’ve got a malware-writing serial killer running around with an extremely powerful EMP generator.

“Your idea sounds way more interesting than what we actually get.”

The only thing that seems to STILL be in the computer is some data from a computer game called “Sonic.exe”.

Also, that capslock is STILL not making euphonic sense.

4:30 pm November 11th, 2011

A couple more murders these last few weeks, all the same killing method; dead bodies,

“Yes, generally murders do involve at least one dead body…”

torn open mouths, destroyed computers. The more recent killings are looking less “messy”, as if the killer is being more careful with tearing out whatever it is he’s tearing out from inside these victim’s bodies.

“You know, it might be a good idea to ask the coroner exactly what is missing. It might, you know, be important…”

There are also cuts on these victims’ chests that seem to be in numerical order; “2”, “3”, “4”, “5” and “6”.

The killer seems to be keeping count of all the people he’s killing.

8:30 pm

Had dinner, both me and Chelsea

grrr…….

are brainstorming with what’s been going on… It’s really strange, the fact that computers are getting destroyed every time there’s a murder victim and we find that there’s some old data from the same game…

“Sonic.exe”….That name reminds me of all the times me and Chelsea played some of our old Sonic the Hedgehog video games.

And of course they’re both Sonic the Hedgehog fans. Because heaven forbid JC-The-Hyena write a fucking police procedural that doesn’t revolve around Sonic the FUCKING Hedgehog along every single axis…

I remember when we used to play Sonic Heroes, she always liked playing as Rouge the Bat and I always liked playing as Vector.

Rouge the Bat, apparently…

…

Sexist pasta is sexist.

But…It’s weird…What does a Sonic game, a possibly fan-made one at that, got to do with all these killings?

2:45 pm December 2nd, 2011

Another murder, big surprise there. But now both me and Chelsea agree that all these murders are connected with that game. Maybe the killer made it as his calling card?

“That’d… that’d be just sad.”

The Chief told us not to worry so much about a simple video game and just stick with what’s going on with the murders.

“Like, you know, the video game.”

6:30 pm

Autopsy came in again, the doctors told us that aside from the wounds from the chest and mouth, the victims don’t seem to show any signs of a murder or a struggle,

Aside from the whole being dead thing, of course. That‘s usually a pretty good indicator that a murder has taken place…

in fact, as baffling as it seems, all the victims appear to be in perfect health, apart from the fact that they’re “dead”.

“And the fact that their mouths are ripped open. That seems pretty glubbing imperfect to me.”

I airchecked the word “dead” because that’s where the report came out really disturbing; the doctors stated that they’re all in what appears to be in a Persistent Vegetative State, meaning that these people are in fact still alive, their brains and hearts are still working, but they’re all in an empty, dead-like state, as if something robbed them of their minds or sense of self.

…

…

…

Ok, seriously? It took the coroner’s office over a month and eight different tries to realize that the people they were cutting open still had a pulse? Hell, people in a vegetative state still have reflexive pain responses, so if you tried to cut them open they would move! And most people in vegetative states WAKE UP after a few weeks with minimal lasting effects… but they sure as hell won’t be doing that now! These guys are going to end up in all the lawsuits. All of them!

“Actually, I’m not sure these people should be alive- this whole ‘ripping something out of the mouth’ thing probably glubs up all sorts of important parts in these guys’ necks- they should be going into shock, bleeding out, or choking well before the Guard finds them.”

Chelsea stated it was probably one of the freakiest things she’s seen in her days as my partner, and I don’t blame her…

Who would be capable of actually stealing people’s senses of self?

I dunno, considering the inhabitants’ lack of creativity posting on the Creepypasta Wiki seems to be a pretty likely culprit.

It’s like the Devil is handpicking innocent people and robbing them of their souls for eternal damnation.

Well that’s… a weirdly specific and completely unsupported simile.

“Well, it wouldn’t be creepypasta without the main character inventing their own little awful revelations for no real reason, would it?”

5:42 pm December 14th, 2011

Chelsea has been acting very strange lately. She seems quieter at work and whenever we go home she goes back into her room.

“Maybe the wierdness is getting to her. He should probably check up on her and see if she’s OK.”

But that would require effort…

I’m guessing she’s just as determined to learning more about this case as I am.

If she’s on to something, I hope she lets me knows first

Has Darren been an Internet cat this whole time and nobody’s told us?

before we make it official. After all, we are a team.

2:00 pm December 19th, 2011

Chelsea didn’t go to work with me. Said she wasn’t feeling well…I’m starting to get a little worried for her. Ever since we took this case she’s been acting rather odd.

“But you still won’t, you know, ask her about it or anything… after all, you are just crechemates… and investigative partners… who live together…”

I dunno, maybe I’m overreacting, Boss told me to not worry about it and maybe just look into what she was researching on. I might do that.

Also, several news about people worshiping this guy recently.

Oh god, that thing again where “the news” is plural– the last time a ‘fic did that, it had me convinced that it was actually correct for like a week.

Calls himself “X”.

“Oh Great Cthulhu, I wonder who that could possibly be??”

I swear, the things kids will be into nowadays…

“Yeah, don’t even get me started! Trigger warnings… emojis… creepypasta…”

Actually, this does beg the question of how old Derek could possibly be. Sonic Heroes came out in 2003 and this pasta is dated to 2011, so if he was, say, fifteen or sixteen at the time (on the extreme upper end) he’d be twenty-four “now”. And he’s already gone through the police academy and made full detective?

9:30 pm December 24th, 2011

Almost time for Christmas, though I dunno if I should celebrate.

Chelsea’s been shut up in her room almost every day. Not responding to me…I hope she’s alright… Anyways, I’ve been looking into Chelsea’s work,

“Instead of just, you know, asking her about her mental state!!”

Fuck this. I can’t even miss one meeting without my thesis advisor calling me to see if I’m dead, there’s no way this behavior would pass without notice in a job where you need a psych review just to get in!

and I think she might have found something.

Apparently the killer must be going after anyone who plays the Sonic.exe game.

“…

WELL THANK YOU, DETECTIVE OBVIOUS!”

And once they’ve played the game, the killer tracks them down, kills them and keeps count by carving the numbers onto their chest. But what about the fact that almost every victim looks as though they had their soul sucked right out of them?

Oh, that’s just common side effect of reading too much creepypasta. I replaced my soul with caffeine three years ago and Nina’s is on a character sheet in my attic, so we should be fine.

Wait a minute…I just remembered something…

A few days ago, Chelsea came home from the store and went back into her room…she said she found a new game….

….Oh my god…Chelsea!

…

“…”

…

“Ok, I’ve got to admit- this pasta’s really thrown me for a loop. I cannot, for the life of me, figure out which one of these humans is dumber- the flat-face male who knew that a serial killer was sending people disturbing video games before (s)he killed them and did nothing after his crechemate received a video game and began acting disturbed, or the flat-face female who received a video game that she knew was connected with a string of serial killings and NEVER GLUBBING TOLD ANYONE!!”

I’m definitely gonna have to go with the girl. Due to their own incompetence and inability to release a fucking public-service announcement, the police department has been completely unable to get a hold of a complete copy of this game. Now she has it- on a physical disk, no less! That means the department could do… well, any number of things, really.

They could figure out how it got to her house, and from there maybe track it all the way back to the killer’s base of operations. They now know that the killer or someone connected to the killer was at her house at a certain time- they could interview the neighbors, and ask if they saw anyone unfamiliar. Hell, maybe the killer got sloppy and didn’t wear gloves, leaving fingerprints all over the disc!

They could view the content- maybe the killer is one of those egotistical types and included a video message, or even just text and other materials that could provide insights into their motive and mental state. They could decompile it to see how the game works- getting an idea of how sophisticated the program is could narrow the suspect pool substantially. For that matter, trojans have to send their information back somehow- a forensic scan of the game could reveal the killer’s IP address, or even an email! It’s not necessarily easy to track down a specific person with that data, but it can be done!

Except, well, now it sure as hell can’t!

12:32 am

(The writing is a bit sloppy

“Only a bit?”

and there are tears splotched here and there)

…..Chelsea is dead….She found the game…..Oh my god, why….

“Wait, but if she found the game she wouldn’t be dead, just zombified!”

I think JC-The-Hyena already forgot about that plot point.

4:50 am December 25th, 2011

I called the guys back at the station to help me move Chelsea….Oh god, why? Why her? Did the killer found out and tried to cover his tracks?

And if the killer did found out, can Derek has cheezburger?

No, it doesn’t look like anything was taken or destroyed…well except for the computer…and the game is still here… I wanted to keep it to find out why this had happened but the Chief demanded I hand it over to him…The way he asked for it is really odd, it’s as if he doesn’t want me to do anything to this game disc.

Really now?

“If this foreshadowing gets any heavier, I’m going to need to riff this with night-vision goggles.”

Except of course for the fact that the Chief should be trying to get the disk from him and keep him from harming it, because it’s their only concrete piece of evidence and needs to be brought to somebody with technical skills right fucking now!

The funeral for my sister will be prepared in a few days…I can’t believe that Chelsea…my own sister, is gone…When I find out who killed her, I’m gonna make sure he pays dearly.

4:50 pm December 28th, 2011

Came back from the funeral. God am I a mess.

And this is different from his usual condition… how, exactly?

Thankfully Boss was there for me, he’s the only person who’s ever supported me and Chelsea, I’m glad he’s on my side about this case.

Ok, forget about whether or not he actually has a rank. Does the Boss even actually have a name?

A woman came to me in the funeral party.

You mean… the wake. Or did Chelsea stipulate in her will that she be buried under the floor of a Chuck E. Cheese?

Her name is Shannon Goldman, and she was supposedly a representative for the “Cult of X”, as she called it.

“…

Ok.

I have gone up against some lame-ass cults in my time, but this right here is claws down the absolute stupidest.”

Worse than the Exalted Brotherhood Of The Four Vowels, even?

“At least they were clever…”

She told me she was sorry for my loss and pulled out some weird religious crap about “X” wishing me a happier year. Seriously? Who is this “X” guy anyway? She told me that soon “X” will make things better for the whole world,

How, by deleting Sonic.exe?

which pretty much ended the conversation right there. That woman is crazy.

Anyways, more news about the Cult of X doing more crazy stuff, wow, whoever this “X” guy is he’s making as much an impact on the public as the killer is.

“Wait, now they’re doing stuff?”

And things, too!

“Oh, yeah, like that stuff I saw them doing over there.”

Yeah. Man, that sure was crazy.

“And a thing.”

2:20 pm January 2nd 2012

Another murder.

“Great Cthulhu, this guy never has a break, does he? This is like the 22nd killing!”

What is he even trying to gain from killing literally all the people? And how the hell is he getting away with it so goddamn easily?!

Jesus, this guy never has a break with this does he? This is like the 22nd killing! What is he trying to gain from killing all the people? And how the HELL is he getting away with it so goddamn easily?

!

“!”

I gotta know what it is Chelsea was finding. She was on to something I just know it. Maybe if I look around in her room I might find a clue.

Because, in the week-and-a-half since she’s died (or un-died? Your guess is as good as mine), nobody has thought to go through her personal effects!

5:30 pm

Well, whatever Chelsea found, she left alotta good clues for me. The computer isn’t entirely broken. In fact it seems like it only got beat up a few times,

Somebody should tell Derek that’s not what they mean by “cyber-bullying”.

but still surprisingly working like new. I’m actually surprised I didn’t see it like this that night. But then again, if you lost someone you love, you too would lose sight of very important details surrounding you.

And JC-The-Hyena trying to be thoughtful goes… pretty much how you’d expect.

Anyways I checked the computer and there’s an icon for the Sonic.exe game on her desktop. My god, how the hell did Chelsea even get this? I guess it doesn’t really matter.

“Yeah, it could only lead you to her killer, after all…”

What’s really important is what I found in her notes.

Apparently Chelsea was terrified of this game. Something from the game scared the CRAP out of her.

Sadly, nothing can scare the CRAP out of this story…

In fact according to what she wrote down, she made it seem like the game is cursed or something. But that can’t be the case, there’s no way a computer game would harm anyone…right?

7:12 am January 3rd 2012

Okay, I changed my mind, maybe there IS something spooky about the game after all.

Well, that was quick.

“And pointless.”

Last night I had a dream…no…a nightmare, more like. I remember it well: I was trapped in darkness, all was quiet except someone was laughing and talking to me.

Gosh, I hope Derek never has to visit RIFFCON… he’d take 3d20 Sanity loss just by walking into the control room!

I kept having visions of Sonic the Hedgehog

… Ok, well, yes, that would be pretty nightmarish.

smiling and appearing all around me as he talked to me. He told me to play the game, over and over again, each time sounding more impatient. When he got to my face and yelled “PLAY IT!” that’s when I woke up with a fright…

…Why would Sonic want me to play a game that possibly killed my sister?

…

Only in creepypasta can a line like that exist.

3:30 pm

Another murder. Number 24. And the Cult of X seems to be pestering the public more and more. What’s their deal? Don’t they realize that there’s a killer on the loose?

……Wait a minute….

What if this “X” weirdo is the killer?

“REALLY, now? IMAGINE THAT!”

It would make sense, ever since these murders started this cult has been hanging around recruiting more and more people. And this “X” character they’re worshiping….Who is he? Why is it that this cult even started after several murders have taken place? I looked over Chelsea’s notes again and she seemed to agree with me. Apparently X has something to do with the Sonic.exe game. Did he make the game? Is he somehow got a hold of it and thought, “Hey! If I kill people with this game, people will like me!”?

Why would anyone think that, ever?

“Well, is it really too big of a leap from thinking that if you wrote a story about killing people with a game people would like you?”

Ok, good point.

If what X is doing is real, then something is SERIOUSLY wrong here.

6:30 pm

Unbelievable! The Chief of Police came over to my apartment a while ago and told me that the investigation may be too much for me to handle and he said I was off the case! What the hell?! I’ve practically found alotta evidence for it and he practically told me that I shouldn’t continue on! He also said that Chelsea would have wanted me to quit with this after what happened. BULLSHIT.

Because fuck conflicts of interest and bereavement leave!

“Also, JC-The-Hyena does not know what ‘practically’ means.”

Whatever, I’m not gonna let some fathead stop me from solving this case.

Is that… seriously the best insult this guy could come up with? “Fathead”??

I am gonna find out who X really is, why he’s doing all of this and I’m gonna turn him in!

5:00 pm February 8th, 2012

More murders, we’re up to 28 now. The Boss contacts me about it every now and then behind the Chief’s back, he told me that whoever is causing all these murders is one smart son of a bitch. I can’t really blame him. As much as I hate to admit it, I have to give X credit for being able to kill 28 people so far.

“I don’t. Mostly because he’d get more challenging opposition from a pack of ghouls on crystal meth than these pathetic excuses for City Guard!”

But he’s not gonna get away with it. Anyways, I’ve looked over Chelsea’s notes again and it what she wrote down before she got attacked was very odd, nonsensical stuff about a Sonic plushie always watching her, spying on her…

“He posted her addled ramblings on the Creepypasta Wiki, and it was a huge hit.”

…I never saw a Sonic doll in the apartment. Then again I never questioned my sister’s sanity. She was always the smart one in things and it just pains me to realize how broken she was just before she died…. I didn’t tell the Boss about X or Chelsea’s notes. I know he won’t believe me. Nobody will. I guess if you have to solve a case, you have to do it yourself.

Or you could tell people the game was a serial killer’s calling card…

8:30 pm

Someone sent a friend request on my Skype. He calls himself Cole. He said he can help me with this case, but only if I can trust him.

I rly don’t have a choice. I’m willing to do anything to put an end to this.

Anyways, Cole told me that I first have to get files of all the victims in the “Sonic.exe Murders”,

“Ummm… why? If he knows what’s going on, why does he need the Guard’s information?”

that’s what the news is starting to call them now that the police has confirmed the old game data in the computers as evidence.

Wait, the public knows about the game? And they’re still playing it?

I…

I don’t know what to say!

This is stupidity beyond the capabilities of our instruments to measure!

Later on tonight, I’m gonna pay the station a little visit.

11:45 pm

Jesus, what a close call. I just made it back from the station. I managed to grab all the files and I had a run in with the Chief. He asked what I was doing back in the station,

“Disposing of vital evidence because a person on Skype told me to, of course! Why do you ask?”

I lied and told him that I had to pick up a few things from my office and decided to take some time off.

“And you wonder why he doesn’t trust you…”

It’s weird- the story is obviously trying to set the Chief up as a member of the Cult of X-tremely Stupid, but all of his actions are just the things a proper investigator would be doing, while the narrator is the one who keeps withholding vital information, contaminating evidence, being profoundly unobservant, and generally fucking up.

Thankfully he believed me…but, it’s strange, the way he talked to me sounded like he didn’t believe me in the slightest.

[SILENT ALARM BLARES]

Nina, would you mind… taking care of that?

“GLUB yeah!”

*Nina loads a bizarre-looking weapon that resembles a cross between a speargun and a rocket launcher.*

“So, Admiral. One question- do you want your jack-booted shadow-government thugs chunked, pureed, or liquefied?”

They’re from the Department of Contradictions Agency, so you may as well try for all three.

Anyways, I got the files just like Cole asked.

I told Cole that all of the victims had the same occurrences: all of them were in a dead-like state, as if their souls were taken out, that they were all “numbered”, and that each computer the victims had were somehow destroyed and had Sonic.exe inside the hard drives.

All of which is information an inside source should already know!

Cole said there’s a reason why all the victims had Sonic.exe in their computers, and boy did I not like the answer…

The Cult of X is involved.

“…”

This is new information to absolutely no one- even Derek himself just went through a paragraph a page ago concluding exactly the same thing!

Their members, after someone gets killed, steals the game disc the victim had at the time

Ok, how? They’ve apparently done this 28 different times (that we know about!), and you’re telling me that not once did anyone notice a suspicious person hanging around or report a break-in?

“Also, plurals.”

and hides it away for a while until it shows up later on at a random place to easily obtain it. These random locations could be anything: a game store, a pawn shop, the black market, eBay, Craigslist, random yet seemingly harmless deliveries, anywhere that involves buying stuff.

“Ok, maybe things have changed a lot since ‘74, but I pretty distinctly remember the human black market dealing in guns, drugs, the occasional forged document… and not shitty Sonic fangames.”

That way, when the next potential victim finds it, he or she becomes the new owner of the Sonic.exe game until X comes to kill them and then a member of the cult comes to steal away the game disc again, and thus the cycle begins anew.

I asked Cole why the cult is even doing this, and he told me that “X”, the bastard, is clearly some sort of holy figure to the cult and they will do whatever it takes to be on his good side.

What does they see in X, anyhow?

I was asking that way back in the original story.

“Although I figure you at least pluralized ‘does’ correctly.”

Why is it they like him so much that they’re willing to be accomplices to murder? Or better yet…What kind of power does X have to strike so much terror into people that they’ll do whatever he says?

Well, judging by the response to JC-The-Hyena’s little rant after his original story got pulled off of Creepypasta Wiki, not actually very much.

I will say the one redeeming feature of his work is that it’s largely turned the mainstream creepypasta world against these sort of super-derivative BEN DROWNED and Squidward’s Suicide clones, which are no longer welcomed on CPW.

“And speaking of things no longer being welcome, we’re at fifteen pages and still only halfway through this motherglubber.”

Yeah, this is probably as good a stopping place as any. Especially since it’s only going to get dumber from here on out.

Come back next time to witness the brain-melting conclusion of the Sonic.exe saga.

*Reads ahead*

“…

Great Cthulhu preserve us all.”

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