1542: Corrin’s Reunion with her Sister – Oneshot (WARNING: Long)Posted: September 24, 2016
~WARNING: THE INFODUMP IS REAL. BE PREPARED.~
Specs: You know, the last time I helped you riff a Fire Emblem fic, I remember getting really, really mad. This one had better not suck this time.
Pfft, or what? You’ll cut my head off like you did to Contacts?
*Specs stands SC up, then enters a boxing stance; Specs then punches him in the face, follows up with a sharp kick to the liver, and finishes by driving an uppercut into SC’s face while he’s doubled over*
Contacts: Wow. What martial arts style was that?
Specs: I dunno. I just did that to Sportsy once in a melee-only sparring match.
[I still can’t bend at the waist without it hurting, fucker. -Sports Shades]
~ONE TRIP TO THE INFIRMARY LATER~
Doc says I’ll probably have pretty bad bruising and to not be surprised if I have trouble taking deep breaths for a while, but otherwise I should recover in short order. Ishi was kinda bummed he wouldn’t get first dibs at my liver. With that in mind, hopefully this riff won’t be like the last one, because I dread having to learn what other crazy fuck-yous Specs has up his sleeves.
Anyhow, hello, and welcome back to the Library of the Damned! I’m your mildly wounded host, SC, and today, I’m going back to the Fire Emblem side of fanfiction.net for a redo of sorts – regular readers might recall that, for a time, I was the guy riffing MaesterDimentio’s fic, and that I was being pretty over the top about it because, admittedly, I was still pretty early into my riffing career, and I was still overtaken by the hype Fire Emblem: Awakening brought on.
Well, I’ve had plenty of time to mature since then (I hope), and I’ve been playing the new FE game long enough now for the hype to wear off, so I’m fairly certain I can come at this riff with a more level head.
The fic being riffed today is, “Corrin’s Reunion with her Sister,” by author Maria65! It’s a 6000+ word oneshot (which means this riff might be multiple parts), and is set in the world of the newest Fire Emblem game, Fire Emblem: Fates.
I’ve said it twice now, but I’ll say it again: Fire Emblem: Fates is the newest release in Nintendo’s long-running Fire Emblem tactical RPG series, originally known as Fire Emblem: If before translation for western audiences. Developed and published by Nintendo and Intelligent Systems for the Nintendo 3DS over the course of two years, 2015 and 2016, respectively, Fates is one of the few Fire Emblem game to have multiple campaigns – Fire Emblem: Fates: Conquest, and Fire Emblem: Fates: Birthright. A third campaign, Fire Emblem: Fates: Revelation, soon followed as DLC content (or was immediately available in a pre-order package). Other entries in the series with multiple campaigns include Sacred Stones, which features Ephraim and Eirika’s campaigns, Rekka no Ken, which has Eliwood’s Tale, Lyn’s Tale and Hector’s Tale, and the Tellius duology, Path of Radiance and Radiant Dawn, which featured the Greil Mercenaries and Dawn Brigade’s stories, respectively.
The story of Fates is thus:
The world is in a state of tumult. Long-standing tensions regarding natural resources between two kingdoms, the impoverished Nohr and wealthy Hoshido, give way to open hostility, following the assassination of the Hoshidan king, Sumeragi, via an ambush set by the Nohrian king, Garon, under the guise of a diplomatic meeting. The only reason the two kingdoms continue to avoid war is due to the natural danger of the perpetually storm-ridden Bottomless Canyon that sits between their borders, and a protective magic barrier erected around Hoshido by the surviving queen, keeping Nohrian invaders at bay and forcing them to rely on their foul creations, the Faceless, to try and instigate a conflict.
At the forefront of this ferocity are the two Crown Princes, Lord Xander and Lord Ryoma –
– with their siblings and retainers in tow, each waiting for the other to make the fatal mistake that will officially send them to war. But the two royal families are at each other’s throats not so much because of that, but for another reason – a child named Corrin.
Originally raised as royalty in Hoshido, Corrin was kidnapped at a young age by King Garon, following King Sumeragi’s assassination. Their siblings in Hoshido never truly recovered from the incident, and even now wait on pins and needles for the shoe to drop so that they can reclaim the family that they lost. However, the children of Nohr have forged close familial ties with Corrin, themselves, and are fiercely protective of their adopted sibling.
One day, Corrin expresses a desire to see the outside world that proves to be too strong for them to shake, and so is granted their freedom, under one condition: That they prove they’re combat-ready. A sparring match with Xander and a test of true combat against a team of captured Hoshidan intruders proves that Corrin has what it takes to stand up in a fight, but their failure to execute the intruders brings their resolve into question, and so they are deployed on a scouting mission to the Bottomless Canyon as one last chance for them to muster up the guts enough to follow orders.
With King Garon’s gift of the cursed blade Ganglari in hand, Corrin, two of their trusted retainers, and a prisoner named Hans who is forcibly recruited into the Nohrian military, set out to the canyon. There, they discover that a pair of forts are being occupied by Hoshidan border troops. Deciding that they have the information they need, and intending to heed the warnings of the Hoshidan troops not to overstep themselves, the mission is nearly called off. However, Hans suddenly rushes into the Hoshidan line and sparks a conflict from which there is no retreat, and then turns against his own allies, breaking one of the rickety bridges and sending one of Corrin’s retainers plummeting to their presumed demise before attempting to finish Corrin off as well. In spite of a sudden, rage-filled burst of power from Corrin in retaliation, Hans escapes with his life, and the young Nohrian royal is knocked unconscious and taken prisoner by Hoshidan forces.
When they come to, Corrin is brought first before Crown Prince Ryoma, who warmly welcomes his lost sibling home. Confused, Corrin is then taken to the queen, who is none other than his birth mother, Mikoto. She reveals what happened to Corrin that separated them from their homeland, though they have a difficult time taking the information in. In spite of this, Corrin quickly warms to their newfound Hoshidan family, but the mood shifts dramatically when the Hoshidan capital city is suddenly attacked by a hooded saboteur, who commands Corrin’s Ganglari to detonate, leveling the city center and killing an untold number of innocents, Queen Mikoto counted among them, before ordering strange, barely-visible troops to set upon the surviving Hoshidan royals. Though they survive the attack, there’s hardly any celebration to be had in the face of such a bold strike against the heart of their kingdom, especially since Mikoto’s death has effectively destroyed the barrier that protected the kingdom. Initially, the blame for the treachery is placed upon Corrin, as it was their sword that did the deed; but when the statue of the Dawn Dragon suddenly crumbles away and reveals the sacred sword, Yato-
-which chooses Corrin as its wielder, the attention shifts to the only other plausible suspect: Nohr.
This serves as the final straw for Hoshido, whose armies march to meet Nohrian forces on the battlefield. Nohr, similarly, marches to meet Hoshido, in retaliation to Corrin’s kidnapping, ironically enough. Upon discovering Corrin to still be alive, unharmed and acting under their own power, Xander and the other Nohrian royals attempt to persuade them to return to Nohr, to which Hoshido’s royals angrily object, claiming Corrin as their family, and theirs alone. All eyes fall upon Corrin as the bitterness between the two kingdoms finally reaches a head, and they are left with a terrible decision to make:
Choose Nohr, and lead a bloody crusade against Hoshido?
Choose Hoshido, and turn their backs on Nohr?
Or abandon both, and try to end this accursed war on their own terms?
As the game itself says, the choice is yours.
…Now, that all probably sounds real exciting, and would undoubtedly make for a damn good story if done right… buuut, therein lies the problem: Fates’ story, for lack of a better word, is crap. You could cut the plot chain apart with a butter knife.
Firstly, Corrin is, no matter how you look at them, a Mary Sue. No but seriously, let’s dissect their character a bit: Just looking at them, you can tell they don’t fit in anywhere. Just look at their default outfit: Supposedly, it’s the attire of a Nohrian prince. And then you look at the other Nohrian royals, and that claim goes right out the window. Plus, their default hair color doesn’t match anybody either – it’s a very-near-white-platinum blonde. Nobody in Nohr has hair like that, and damn certain, nobody in Hoshido has hair like that. Plus, their name: Corrin. It doesn’t quite sound Nohrian, but it also doesn’t really fit the Hoshidan bill. There’s a canonical reason for this, which I’ll address in a moment.
Continuing on, they’re a social recluse for the greater part of their life. The only company they have are their two maids and one butler, their siblings, SOMETIMES, and a surly old soldier acting as their combat trainer. They’re forbidden to set foot outside the fortress grounds, and so have to amuse themselves with books and what I presume to be basic combat training. And yet, as soon as they gain their freedom – which, I might add, shouldn’t have even been possible, since Xander is the strongest paladin in all of Nohr, whereas Corrin barely knows which end of a sword to hold at the start – they’re immediately battlefield masterminds, and get TWO otherworldly swords of great power, one which gets frequent upgrades as the plot progresses until it becomes the Fire Emblem incarnate. They can also transform into a dragon at will, following Mikoto’s demise. Gameplay-wise, they can become any class they so choose (with certain restrictions), wield almost any weapon short of sacred or race-restricted ones, can marry anybody they want (including two homosexual options), AND can lead an immense army.
Oh, and if that’s not bad enough, here comes that canonical explanation for why they don’t fit in anywhere: in Revelation, they’re revealed to be the child of a literal dragon god, Anankos, and heir to the throne of Valla, a third kingdom which, in its prime, was far more powerful than Hoshido and Nohr. Their mother is indeed the queen of Hoshido, but she once hailed from Valla.
Plus, there’s one DLC mission where Corrin goes into Awakening and wows Chrom and the Shepherds with their inexplicably profound tactical expertise, which leads to Chrom, canonically, all but begging Robin to join up when they come along later with comparable skills of their own. There’s also another DLC mission which takes place in an alternate reality where the war is over and Hoshido and Nohr are allies in peace, but then they learn, via a god in human form, that the Corrin you’re playing as is still fighting, so the royals of both lands have a duel of strength against each other to see who will commit their resources across time and space to aid you. They have full understanding that it’s an alternate timeline which doesn’t effect them in any way, but they’re still all, “WE GOTS TA SAVE OUR CORRIN-BOO!” Oh, and there’s a THIRD DLC mission where Corrin wins a ticket to a tropical getaway, but forgoes it, and so their royal siblings end up squabbling over it for themselves in a truly pathetic display.
I believe my point is made.
Moving on, the plot. As I said earlier, Fates was split into three different stories, one wherein Nohr leads a crusade against Hoshido, one where Hoshido retaliates against the assumed Nohrian attack on their country, and one where it turns out that Valla was behind it all. The thing is, the game tells pretty much the same story, with the EXACT same heroes, but with adjustments to the details: either you choose Nohr and fight Hoshido, and then discover there’s a malicious third party pulling the strings, or you choose Hoshido and fight Nohr, and then discover there’s a malicious third party pulling the strings, OR you just say “fuck everybody” and go into hiding with what precious few allies you have, and then discover there’s a malicious third party pulling the strings.
Either way, there’s a malicious third party pulling the strings.
As for the meat of the three campaigns, here’s a basic summary of what you’re getting yourself into:
Conquest is the lackluster tale of Nohr’s interior struggles with being oppressed by a tyrannical warmonger and suffering from intense poverty, wherein Corrin talks big about overthrowing the evil king but doesn’t really do shit to act on it until the penultimate battle, and generally everybody is mopey and glum because life sucks in Nohr. By the end of Conquest, the two Hoshidan royal sons will be dead, along with at least one other major protagonist character and some of the major villains. The real bad guy is never encountered directly, he just makes a limp-wristed attempt to take Corrin out by possessing one of the Hoshidan royals. Azura also disappears, though whether she’s actually dead or just gone is up to speculation. In-game, funds are severely restricted to the point that you physically can’t be well-armed unless you have DLC maps that provide you with money or weapons, and there is zero chance to level grind, meaning you’re essentially playing a really, REALLY unforgiving redux of the more classic Fire Emblem games that forced you to figure it out with what you had. In its defense, Conquest has the greatest variety in maps and objectives, and if you’re into challenges, it’s also the most difficult of the three campaigns, even if you’re not doing a Lunatic+ run.
Birthright is the slightly less bullshit story of revenge for Hoshido, wherein Corrin reunites with their true family and strikes down the king of Nohr for all the shit he’s caused them, but somewhere along the way, you find out that your “siblings” aren’t actually your siblings, which many fans of the series attest is just Nintendo and Intelligent Systems looking for an excuse to make it possible to marry the Hoshidan royals, since Nohr already has the excuse of being Corrin’s kidnappers. The bulk of major character deaths happens in Birthright, as well – two of Corrin’s retainers die, one by regret-driven suicide and the other by Hans’ betrayal. One of a pair of ninja brothers can die if you don’t become his best buddy. Azura can die if you don’t kill the final boss quickly enough. Two Nohrian royals die. The younger son of the Hoshidan royals can die if you fuck up. The list, sadly, goes on. Once again, the real bad guy gets off without a scratch. Another strike against Birthright is that it’s been canned time and time again by the fandom for being “Awakening 2.0” because it lacks map and objective variety, and you can grind for resources and levels with impunity, as Hoshido is canonically far richer and has their shit more together than Nohr.
Revelation is the “golden route,” wherein Corrin discovers the horrible truth behind what started the war, and tries desperately to unite Nohr and Hoshido and refocus their efforts against the REAL bad guys, the lost kingdom of Valla, but has to figure out how to do so while also avoiding a death curse that activates if anybody tries to speak of Valla outside its borders. This was probably meant to be the grimdark story, where the true enemy is revealed to be ruthless, cunning and superior in strength and manpower than either Nohr or Hoshido by themselves, and was simply willing one to destroy the other so that they could emerge from the woodworks, finish off the survivors and claim an easy victory… but it pretty quickly dissolves into a joke as Corrin’s Mary Sue status is put on full display. Revelation tries to blend Conquest’s map and objective variety with Birthright’s limitless grinding potential, but while it does that perfectly fine, it does so at the expense of the story, which feels like a really shoddily slapped-together tale about a wildly idealistic kid managing to coerce war-hardened generals into joining his cause on the grounds of, “bro, you gotta,” and it’s only after they agree to it that they start asking the hard questions that said kid has no good answers to. And yet, somehow, they manage to beat the bad guy, who has been readying his forces for war against the entirety of the world since long before any of these kids were even old enough to walk. Truly mind-boggling.
There’s one other point that stands out in Fates which bears mentioning: They try to do the Awakening thing and incorporate a second generation into the plot. However, unlike Awakening, the Fates kids can be completely overlooked and you’ll miss out on nothing. Both kids are kind of badly finagled into their respective plots by the rough application of wibbly-wobbly-timey-wimey shenanigans, but the Fates kids have zero reason to exist in-game as recruitable units, as they provide nothing additional, save for units with unique mix-n-match skills and class branches, and a small glimpse into the parenting habits of the Gen One roster. The Fates children are nothing more than optional bonus units, if you feel like recruiting them. Awakening, by contrast, at least has a gap-bridger that helps lessen the blow of the child units existing, thanks to Lucina. Lucina raised a new band of Shepherds, following the untimely demise of the old Shepherds, and the children of those fallen heroes all rally to her cause and throw themselves through time to try and link up with their parents in a desperate bid to change the past so that their future doesn’t happen. They’re not vital to the plot,except for Lucina, but they play a role that matters, and if you opt not to recruit any of them, that’s treated as, “some of them didn’t make it.” It’s because Fates lacks this line of reasoning that’s seen the child units be rather severely slammed by fans as Nintendo and Intelligent Systems just trying to further the “dating sim” aspect of the recent Fire Emblem games.
It’s really an unfortunate result. Fates has some of the worst storytelling I’ve ever seen in a fully licensed video game by a professional, big industry name like Nintendo. Normally, such low quality material is produced by over-ambitious indie devs who haven’t the expertise, funding, or resources to pull off their vision well. I enjoy playing Fates, honestly, I do, but I shouldn’t have to purposely put on blinders so that I can enjoy something without wanting to tear it apart for everything that it does wrong, and Fates has forced me to do exactly that, for more than just the reasons listed.
So, now that you’ve all gotten a brief look into the turbulence of Fates’ canon, the question, at this point, is: “how could a fic author screw it up worse?” A foolish question, but a legitimate one, nonetheless.
Well, let’s get into this riff and see, shall we?
Specs: Do you get a Final Fantasy keyblade in this game?
Contacts: I’m not… sure? There hasn’t been a Final Fantasy character anywhere to be found.
WILL YOU ASSHOLES STOP SCREWING AROUND WITH KINGDOM HEARTS AND PAY ATTENTION?!
It was a normal day in the Astral Plane as everyone went about their daily business, even Corrin as she walked about with Kana and Kaze; her husband and son.
Jesus, I just started this riff, look at all the stuff I need to explain already. She wastes no time throwing me in the dicks, this author.
I really like Kaze’s character. I’d love to talk your ears off about him, but I can tell already that this is going to be one of those riffs where there are simply too many characters introduced at the same time for that to be a good idea. So, sadly, I’m gonna have to just sum him up like this: He’s the ninja brother who commits suicide if you don’t become his buddy in Birthright. If you A-rank in his support conversations, he swears himself to Corrin’s side as their retainer. And beyond that, Kaze is a pretty cool guy.
Much like how Robin in Awakening has a kid attached to them named Morgan who, according to Robin’s gender, will either be a boy or a girl, Corrin has a considerably younger kid attached to them named Kana, who will either be a boy or girl according to their gender. Kana is, I’m pretty sure, the youngest child you can recruit into the army, and so still behaves like they’re in kiddie school, which really makes me worry about the ethical backlash of bringing them into a war waged by their parents. Beyond that, Kana’s basically a carbon copy of Corrin, sans the ability to wield Yato. (Unless you play through the Heirs of Fate DLC maps, that is.) Not much else to be said there.
Next, the Astral Plane: early in the game, Corrin is saved from death at the bottom of the Bottomless Canyon (yes I know that’s a contradictory statement, shut the hell up) when they get teleported to a pocket dimension thanks to their little dragon buddy, Lilith. She explains that this is the Astral Plane, and Corrin can make it look however they so please with the help of the absolutely obnoxious amount of Dragon Veins (read: nexus of ancient and powerful magic) that are present there. Soon after Corrin chooses their side in the war, they get brought back to the Astral Plane and informed that they can use it as a home base for whatever rest or preparations they need. Corrin’s response? Build a fort there and put a small village’s worth of buildings and decorations in it, of course.
This is an in-game function known as My Castle, or Fort Corrin, whichever you prefer. It’s one of the features in Fates I actually really enjoy, because I guess I like building towns or something. The only catch is that you have to acquire points to build and upgrade your stuff, which is accomplished through completing missions. And required points for upgrades can get kind of stupid at times. (In order to max out a small statue, you need zero points to build it, three points to upgrade it the first time, and nine points to upgrade it the second time.)
Specs: Kinda bummed they took the Heartless out of this game.
Contacts: I’m more bummed that you can’t pair up with random Disney characters, personally.
Contacts: Well, if your damn infodumping wasn’t taking so long…!
I’m sorry! I’m trying to be comprehensive, and there’s a lot to talk about!
Kana looks just like his father, dark green hair, purple eyes yet his skin and abilities matched Corrin; being a Noble and all.
Uh, guess again. Kana’s eyes are grey. The hair color, their sibling (if any), inheritable skills, and what classes they can change into, are the only things that change according to the other parent. Though inheriting eye colors would have been a nice touch, I will admit.
Kaze still looked the same;
Gonna go ahead and cut that out, because I’ve already put up a picture of what Kaze looks like.
Contacts: But what if they IGNORED the picture?
Well, that’s their own damn fault, ain’t it?
Corrin watched them leave for patrol and to possibly meet up with Midori, the daughter of the family.
Midori is Kaze’s daughter. The Fates kids are the exact opposite of the Awakening kids, by the way, they’re attached to fathers rather than mothers. Anyhow, Midori is a wonderful little medicine girl who the Specs and Co. affectionately call “little tater,” thanks to this bit of dialogue:
And that about sums her up, actually. She’s pretty easy to describe.
Contacts Glad one of them is.
Oh, hush, you.
She sighed and turned to go inside when suddenly she stopped…she was being watched,
it wasn’t Saizo, he had left her to be as she wished;
Contacts: Fooooled yooou!
*SC fires lasers into Contacts’ skull until it explodes*
Specs: I’d say he has egg on his face, but he doesn’t even have a face now.
and Kagero was currently off on a mission.
Alright, so I gotta do two more quick profiles. I can already see this becoming stupid in its frequency.
Saizo is, as you might have guessed, Kaze’s older brother. He’s the decidedly less friendly brother who is probably a touch TOO dedicated to his duties, and will attempt to explosively suicide at the drop of a hat if he comes out on the losing end of a fight. In fact, that’s his unique ability in-game. (If his health dips under 20%, he damages himself and all surrounding enemy units down as far as 1 HP. Which is a REALLY BAD ABILITY, but there you go.)
Kagero is Saizo’s better half, both in that she’s not fanatical about her duties (she is still pretty strict about them, though), and in that she’s Saizo’s ex-girlfriend. It’s revealed in their support conversations that this is because work and romance really ARE a recipe for disaster.
And as it would happen, Saizo and Kagero are Ryoma’s two chief retainers. Kind of an interesting setup, because ninjas (and their Nohrian counterparts, maids/butlers) in-game are squishy, lightning-fast debuffers, which means that the bulk of combat responsibility falls to Ryoma. Although, speaking in real world terms, it makes sense – ninja, historically, were samurai trained as agents of espionage and sabotage, and it isn’t out of the realm of reason to assume that they still answered to the Shogunate, represented in Fates by Ryoma, Hoshido’s strongest samurai.
Contacts: Plus, dumbing down an opponent before they reach the big guy leaves a perfect opening for an easy win.
That’s also true.
Specs: See, I just thought that the Fates dev team looked at Ryoma, realized he was way too buff, and decided they needed to level him out with crappy retainers.
That might be part of it, too.
She looked around, red eyes narrowed as she tried to find who was watching her; this didn’t feel right…something was off. Who could get into the Astral Plane?
Contacts: Also you, but that’s obvious.
She felt movement to her right and glanced yet no one was there. Before she could do anything, investigate; Lilith flew over toward her and smiled.
Oh my God, the author’s going to throw the whole damn Fates cast in here at this rate. Blah blah, Lilith is Corrin’s real sister, blah blah, used to be a bad guy, had a massive change of heart, blah blah blah, works for Corrin now. Oh, and you level her up by shoving food in her face.
Contacts: That just sounds terrible. “EAT YOUR FUCKING BREAD, YOU SHITCAKE!”
I may or may not have actually said that a time or two. I’m a bad dragon sibling.
“Lady Corrin!” she greeted happily. “Lady Corrin! How are you?” she asked making the silver haired woman look at the dragon, and give a soft smile.
Awkward sentence structure, ho!
Specs: Hey, don’t call me a ho, bro.
Oh, my bad.
“Ah, Lilith.” Corrin greeted. “I am well, how about you?” she responded with her own question and Lilith smiled.
*SC pulls out what appears to be Yato*
Specs: Uh, I thought that-
Don’t worry, it’s just aluminum. I had Bifocals cut and decorate it to LOOK like the real thing.
Specs: What the f-?! I’m a fucking blacksmith! You could have asked me!
Yeah, but it didn’t cross my mind at the time. Now hush.
*DRD agents break down the door*
DRD Agent: FREEZE AND- oh, oh geez, you didn’t say anything about having the Fire Emblem. Pardon us, we’ll just leave.
*The DRD agents walk out sheepishly*
Artifacts of great power tend to have quite a bit of sway over the DRD, for some reason.
Contacts: Now, if they weren’t so gullible, there’s no way in hell that would have worked.
Oh no, not even slightly.
“I am well myself Lady Corrin,” Lilith responded before looking around. “yet you seemed distressed moments ago, may I ask what is wrong?” Lilith asked and Corrin sighed.
Oh man. This dialogue is so bad.
Contacts: It’s like if we let Monocle write a poem.
By the way, don’t ever let Monocle write a poem again. Bifocals now requires a teddy bear in order to sleep soundly, or she has ‘Nam flashbacks. And she’s never even been to ‘Nam.
“I…I don’t know.” Corrin responded, face worried. “I feel as though I am being watched; though not by Saizo, Kagero, or even Rhajat…someone else is watching me.”
Someone who’s worse of a creepy stalker than this chick?
I am dumbstruck.
Specs: Does that mean they’re worse about curses, hexes and maybe accidentally raising an army of abominations?
I sincerely hope not.
Corrin explained and Lilith hummed…she, herself, seemed worried. “I don’t know how” Lilith responded. “no one can enter the Astral Plane without my permission; so this confuses me.” Lilith said before looking around.
That’s halfway bullshit, since bad guys have been shown to just waltz right in on several occasions, either in support conversations or Invasion fights against Vallite troops, but for the most part that’s the truth.
Contacts: Hell, I was there the other day. Brought back a souvenir, even.
…I’m 100% certain that isn’t a souvenir.
“I will ask some people to keep their eyes open tonight, I am worried for you Lady Corrin.” she said but Corrin gasped.
“No!” she exclaimed, catching some of her comrades attention and shocking Lilith. “I don’t want anyone lossing sleep over this; I believe this is a safe haven but maybe someone with the army has decided to start watching my back as well.” Corrin reasoned, wringing her hands; though Lilith was not convinced.
I’d love to call this the author making Corrin out to be a bit unreasonable, but sadly, this is actually pretty true to their canon personality. Both genders. In Conquest, Corrin is so adamant about not killing anybody that they have their army measure their attacks so that the enemy soldiers end up wounded and defeated, but can still walk away with their lives, and this continues on even after Xander tells them, to their face, that it’s stupid. Meanwhile, in Revelation, the majority of the plot is Corrin being all, “Hey, I know that I abandoned you on the battlefield when you placed your trust in me to fight for your cause, and you’re probably getting ready to skewer me for being a filthy traitor and a deserter on top of it, buuut, could you not? Because my cause is better, even though I can’t tell you about it. You should totally join up. Just trust me, it’s totally cool!” And then they’re shocked when that doesn’t work. Every. Single. Time.
Specs: You know how my old captain responded whenever she extended an offer to jump in with our group and got “no” for an answer? She shrugged, turned around and walked away. Didn’t even acknowledge that anything had been said, or that she even spoke to that person. After all, it was a time where the war was beginning to die down, so there were plenty of soldiers who weren’t quite ready for retirement yet. One “no” didn’t fuck over her entire world. If anything, the guys who said it were more stunned that she didn’t try harder to win them over.
Contacts: The Master only took on students because of a bet they had with other thieves that they were just as good at teaching as they were at stealing. Basically, the Master is the antithesis of Corrin. One cares too much, the other doesn’t give half a shit.
I can imagine if Corrin ever met either of them, they’d be really pissed off at both of them.
Specs: And they’d probably just laugh right back at the kid.
“I will be alright Lilith, please don’t worry anyone over this.” Corrin pleaded and Lilith had to relent. “Okay…okay Lady Corrin, I shall not worry anyone.” the dragoness stated before she narrowed her eyes seriously. “But the moment you appear hurt I have the right to officially freak out…understood?” Lilith growled out and Corrin sighed, but nodded.
Now, just picture Lilith, in adorable little dragon form, getting all authoritative on Corrin, and tell me that you took it seriously.
Contacts: I didn’t.
Specs: Not even slightly.
As Lilith left, Corrin continued on her way; passing by her siblings…whom she had recently learned she was actually not related to them by blood either.
And the fandom cried, “WTF?!”
Hinoka, Sakura, Ryoma, Takumi and even Azura even though she wasn’t related to them at all; had a long talk about it where Takumi let it slip that they weren’t related.
Uh, spoiler alert, Corrin and Azura are actually related. They’re cousins. And you can marry her, which has seen no end of “incest is wincest” jokes amidst the fanbase.
And God damn it, more profiles.
Right. So. I’m just going to go ahead and super-generalize these guys.
Azura is another kidnapped kid, and she got yoinked from Nohr by Hoshido after Hoshido lost Corrin. mysterious singing powers, may or may not be Corrin’s cousin because their moms are sisters.
Ryoma, pictured earlier, is crown prince of Hoshido, fandom nicknamed him “lobster,” I don’t like him because he’s kind of a prick in Conquest. Wields the sacred blade Raijinto, which is a fuck-your-face lightning sword.
Hinoka is my favorite character among the Hoshidan royals, something to do with her having red hair I guess. Eldest princess of Hoshido. Rides a pegasus, has goofball retainers. Also a pretty cool big sister character.
Sakura is a sweet cinnamon bun healer and you must protect her at all costs.
Takumi is a grumpy pineapple and Conquest made me fucking despise him. Has a sacred bow called Fujin Yumi. I never use it because I hate Takumi, and a random peasant girl who can barely hold a spear can become a far superior archer to him easily with enough training. Am fully prepared to be yelled at for this. Don’t care.
“Why do you act like that even though you know we aren’t related to her Hinoka?” the words Takumi said still rung in her head.
Full disclosure, since my explanation is a lot less painful to read than the one I’m going to be cutting out: Mikoto fled to Hoshido from Valla, met King Sumeragi, then widowed from the passing of his first wife, and he provided her and her newborn child, Corrin, sanctuary. Mikoto fell in love with Sumeragi, they got married, and that’s how Corrin became part of the Hoshidan royal family. Ryoma is the only one of the kids who knows this from the start, but is sworn to secrecy about it, and Mikoto, having the foresight enough to guess that
some players might want to marry her sexy stepchildren Corrin might become romantically inclined, writes a letter explaining their status as step-siblings, just in case. Meanwhile, in Nohr, it’s made clear from the start that Corrin isn’t blood-related, and Xander outright says as such during the “Choose A Faction” chapter. And that’s how Nintendo and Intelligent Systems shoehorned in a way to make out with your bro-dawg.
*Specs spits up his soda*
Dude, you’ve played the game, you know this stuff.
Specs: Yeah, but the way you put it damn near killed me.
She touched her ears, feeling the tip and wondering if maybe her father was an elf; was he a dragon? Why else would she be able to transform or have pointed ears?
Well, considering that elves don’t exist in Fire Emblem, I’m gonna go out on a limb and say you’re probably a dragon.
Contacts: Why, that’s just crazy talk. She just TURNS INTO a dragon, it doesn’t mean she IS one.
Specs: Yeah, why you gotta be racist, bro?
Oh, so now I’m the villain, here?
She ignored it in favor of greeting Kaden, a kistune whom she had gotten along so well with.
Ow, the narrative.
Kaden is a foxbro who has this thing about owing people favors when they do him a good turn. He likes to take naps. Might be a little bit vain. Overall a pretty cool guy.
Him, along with his daughter, Selkie; whom she couldn’t remember who the mother was;
You remember when Kaden married [mumble mutter] and she gave birth to Selkie, right?
Specs: It was a beautiful wedding-birth.
Contacts: Except that she got blood in the punchbowl…
Selkie is a foxsis who is the exact opposite of her father. She doesn’t nap, she plays the fuck out of people, oftentimes injuring them in the process because she doesn’t quite grasp the difference between “playing” and “ripping them apart.” She’s easily one of my favorite characters among the child units because she’s an adorable ball of perpetual happy.
Contacts: I feel like Selkie would get on well with Glasses.
Specs: How’s that?
*Contacts points behind him at Glasses, who is rolling about on the floor, maiming a yarn ball*
Specs: Ah, right.
had always had a great time with her; they were all similar; able to shape-shift and didn’t always understand human tendencies. It was one thing Corrin was happy about, someone with the army who was like her aside from her son, Kana, who was just like her.
Putting aside the sheer agony reading that sentence invites upon me, I’m gonna call bullshit here. Corrin grew up surrounded by humans, and her son was recruited into an army of primarily humans, you can’t tell me they don’t get how humans work. Selkie gets a pass, because that’s actually true for her, but Corrin and Kana? No.
Specs: Monocle, though?
I doubt he’ll ever comprehend humans. He’s too busy killing shit to put any time into it.
As they left and night fell in,
*A ninja with a paper slip reading “night” attached to their face falls through the ceiling and lands painfully on their stomach*
Contacts: Watch out for those loose floorboards, bro, they’ll get you every time.
Corrin felt it again as she patrolled the Plane this time; the feel was still there. She could feel hostility radiate from whoever was nearby as she unsheathed the Noble Yato, griping the blade tightly.
Whoah, chill out for a second!
Noble Yato is one of the Hoshidan upgrades for Yato that you acquire throughout the course of Birthright. Each path has a different set of upgrades for Yato, though they essentially do the same thing: Make it look slightly cooler, and also buff up its weapon stats.
…Okay, go ahead.
*SC tosses AlumiYato aside and pulls out a Bolt Naginata*
Waaaiiit for it…
DRD Agent: FREEZE AND HAL-!
*SC fires lightning from the Bolt Naginata, electrocuting the DRD agents*
There’s something to be said about a museum making a competition out of collecting weapons: awesome.
Contacts: Specs couldn’t have been happier.
Specs: I fully intend to go back for more.
For once, I have no plans to try and stop you.
One…two…three…the steps were approaching faster and then a sprint! Not wasting a second, Corrin spun, sword in hand before she clashed blades with…a woman?
Look, I know Sports Shades has long hair, but-
*A stylized Zhanmadao flies past SC’s head and impales the wall opposite him*
-But I’m just gonna abort that joke right here and now, is what I’m gonna do.
The woman had short black hair, red eyes matching her own, a band in her hair with a cross slipping on it instead of a flower; her armor was similar to Corrin’s own; it was all so odd.
My god, her castle is being challenged by another player!
Specs: Shit. I never win those.
Contacts: The hacking is real.
Which is why I never try.
She wielded a blade that could stand the Noble Yato’s power; another thing that was unreal.
Specs: Oh please, Noble Yato is a shitwrecker, but it’s hardly Yato’s strongest form. My Kewl Sward can handle it easily enough, and it’s just steel.
How do you know this, might I ask?
Specs: I’m not welcome at Fort Corrin anymore.
The woman grunted before flinging Corrin away with her own blade and charged again.
Specs: I’d like to take a moment to air a personal pet peeve, here – I know it looks really cool to just fucking catapult the guy you’re fighting through the air with your sword, but the fact of the matter is that it would require a blade as unreasonably large and thick as Cloud Strife’s buster sword to pull that off, and swords like that turn out to be so stupidly heavy due to the fact that there’s so much metal packed into it that your average swordsman wouldn’t want to try using one in the first place. A normal sword has a blade that’s quite thin, and designed to be flexible on purpose, so at most, if you were trying to kick out of a blade lock, you’d maybe push the other guy a couple of feet, if you were stronger than the norm. Otherwise, if you want to fling them around as the fic is suggesting, that takes a clever use of inertia and an accute awareness of your chosen battle arena, as it were, not to mention the luck-based odds that your opponent would lose their balance that easily, for that long a period of time. And I can say, personally, that I am not such a person. I’ve had people try that trick on me, and what ended up happening was they wound up right back in blade lock with me because I just pivoted back around so that I was facing them again. So, it kind of pisses me off whenever I see two dudes banging swords together loudly and all flashy-like, and then one sword-smacks the other across the country. It doesn’t work like that.
Contacts: Shit like this really throws me off. It forces me to remember that he actually has a brain behind all those swords he carries in his head.
I dunno, I think it’s a nice change of pace from-
Specs: Anybody else smell farts? Who farted? Did I fa- oh, yep, I farted.
Corrin growled before giving a shout as she collided blades with the mystery woman again, the sounds echoing around the camp.
Specs: I mean, sure, it’s rare to find what one might call a “quiet” close-quarters engagement with blades, but if the whole camp is hearing them, something is taking some serious damage.
Luckily, Yato is a god-forged weapon, and probably indestructible.
Specs: One can certainly hope, else one of these two Corrins is gonna be seriously screwed if the fight carries on like this for much longer.
Contacts: Are swords really that fragile? All I’ve ever used are my daggers, and that’s on the rare occasion where I have to get up close.
Specs: When they’re mishandled? They could be. Depends on how much of a fuckface you are. And I have my doubts that Corrin honestly thinks much of proper weapon maintenance before and after battle, because they’re probably under the assumption that Yato is indestructible, themselves. Makes me wonder how they’d handle a sword made with human hands.
Well, you can give Corrin normal swords, and I can only guess that someone gives them the low-down on making sure you don’t break it like a shithead, but they have sole access to Yato, so the question there becomes, “why would you do this?”
Specs: Fair point.
went off as soldier’s
filled out from their tents and ran toward the sound of swords clashing only to see the two women fighting; they all stopped. They looked similar aside from length and hair color, even the outfits they wore matched.
Contacts: And then the soldiers found themselves fighting much more powerful carbon copies of themselves.
It was a rough night, folks.
“What the hell?” Kaze questioned as he watched the two women fight. “What’s going on here?” he questioned before seeing that the mystery woman was getting the upper hand.
You’d think, since it’s his wife under fire, that his first priority would be to fucking annihilate the intruder before asking questions.
Contacts: You’d also think the alarm would have caught that redu-
*Oh, I caught it.*
It was just being polite, bro.
*DRD agents rush in, not noticing SC rip off his regular clothing, revealing a Dread Fighter uniform, then don AlumiYato and vanish into thin air*
DRD Agent: FREEZE AND HAL-
*SC drops down from above on the DRD agents with AlumiYato, then vibrates fast enough to split into a double image of himself and dices the agents into meat chunks*
Contacts: Wait a minute, what the hell?! Since when did you-?!
Snagged a Dread Scroll from Specs’ Armory.
Specs: What? Bro, I was saving that!
Should have hidden it better, then.
Contacts: Even my own creator, a clumsy, stealth-inept nerd, is better at sneaking around and jumping people than I am. I hate my life.
He disappeared from sight but the mystery woman wasn’t a fool. Kicking Corrin away she swung her sword behind her, slashing Kaze across his chest, sending him flying back as she punched him with unnatural strength.
While it is possible to counter a ninja’s little disappearing act in-game, it looks nothing nearly as stupid as that.
Specs: Nevermind that taking a sword across the chest tends to be fatal more often than not, why’d you bother punching him? Do you really need to show off right at the moment? God only knows why the rest of the army hasn’t dropped your ass yet, but Kaze is a specialist that you somehow got the drop on while he was trying to get the drop on you. He’s an exceptionally dangerous opponent who, presently, you have the opening for a fatal counter against. You should be prioritizing getting rid of him over displaying your KEWL KOMBAT TRIX that aren’t even cool, so much as they are stupid. Just put your sword where the heart goes thump-thump and be done with it, already. Why do authors always insist on making their fight scenes pointlessly drawn out and idiotically choreographed? It’s not cool, it just makes it seem like the combatants saw one too many Jackie Chan movies and think they know kung-fu.
Contacts: You know, it’s exciting, in a weird way, whenever we find something that Specs will undoubtedly get annoyed by.
Except when he cuts your fucking head off.
Contacts: Can we not bring that back up?
They all watched as her beastly hand slowly transformed back into that of a human’s.
Okay, if you’re gonna have Clone!Corrin pop a Dragon Fang on Kaze’s ass, could you maybe actually indicate that her arm transformed into the hysterically huge claw?
‘Dragon?’ Corrin thought, but rage filled her as she saw her husband was attack.
Kaze is kill, there is only Saizo.
“DIE!” Corrin shouted as she charged the woman, who clashed with her.
This is also probably canon for Corrin. I mean, in Kana’s paralogue, the kid comes under attack, and here comes peace-loving Corrin all, ”I’LL FUCKING PAINT THE LAND WITH THE BLOOD OF YOUR MOTHER’S WOMB YOU SHIT-EATING FUCKPIPE! I’LL UNWRITE YOUR CHAPTER FROM THE PAGES OF HISTORY USING YOUR SKULL AS AN ERASER!!!” So, hell, why wouldn’t she freak out over her husbando getting owned?
Contacts: In other news, I’m pretty sure I just heard a happy squeal from Monocle.
The soldier’s were about the help when a voice rung out. “WAIT!”
That could also have been Taco, though.
the loud, powerful voice of Ryoma caught everyone’s attention and before anyone could blink, Ryoma was between Corrin and the mystery woman, blade at the ready.
At which point he accidentally called down lightning on Clone!Corrin, zapping her so hard that the impact cratered the earth.
Contacts: Can we get a nerf on Raijinto, please?
“Ryoma?!” both women shouted at the same time, the mystery woman’s voice was a bit deeper but none the less similar to Corrin’s. “Stop, both of you.” he said before looking between them. “No need to fight amongst ourselves.” He said and sheathed his sword before the mystery woman growled.
“But Ryoma, isn’t she the Nohrian Princess?!” she shouted, anger in her eyes and Ryoma sighed. “Nohrian Princess?! I’m sided with Hoshido!” Corrin retaliated, angered at the woman’s accusation.
Wait, wait, wait. If you’re gonna play the, “I’m the long-lost Hoshidan sibling” thing, why did Clone!Corrin attack Kaze? Yes, he tried to attack her first, but she all but pulverized him. You can’t chalk that up to simple self-defense, at least not for a trained soldier (which, for the sake of argument, I am pretending Clone!Corrin is). Regular civilians acting on fear impulses, sure, I’d buy that, but trained combatants would know that there are easier and less-lethal ways of incapacitating people. If she wants to be all “Nohrian Scum,” then her striking Kaze, and probably damn near killing the poor sod because of what Dragon Fang does, exactly, is an act of betrayal against her own people, isn’t it? Especially since Hoshido is Fantasy Feudal Japan, no less. In case my ongoing riff of LAFS hasn’t clued folks in by now, Feudal Japan didn’t suffer this kind of bullshit lightly. Hell, you trip over a samurai’s foot, you’re apt to get a good backhand across the face for besmirching their honor, if they don’t just all-out decapitate you. Simply put, Corrin’s Hoshidan allies should be wailing on Clone!Corrin right about now, en masse.
Oh, and let’s salt this wound a bit: In-game for at least two of the three campaigns, several Nohrians are shown to have no involvement in the war between the two kingdoms. In fact, many are busy trying to rebel against their own shit king, and offer aid to the Hoshidan army because of this. You end up recruiting at LEAST two Nohrian soldiers, one of whom is a dear childhood friend of Corrin who would follow them into hell just so that they could be together, and the other a rebel leader hailing from a town with knights who are so damn good at their job that it takes the Nohrian royalty to even put a dent in their ranks. Not to mention, all but one of the people who swear themselves to Corrin as their retainers is Nohrian – two maids, a butler, and two knights, with Kaze, the sole ninja, being the exception. All these Nohrians are welcomed into Hoshido with only very minor skepticism which is very quickly put to bed in favor of forging friendships with their newfound Hoshidan acquaintances. In short, attacking someone simply on the basis of them being Nohrian, however sour the relationship between the two countries may be, is a WAR CRIME – especially if they’re innocent, and doubly so if the suspected Nohrians in question are considered family of the RULING BODY OF HOSHIDO.
I dunno, guys, should we charge her with treason, or high treason when we execute her?
The mystery woman looked her over, seeing the sword she wielded before looking her in the eye and cocked a brow. “Or…are you perhaps Lady Corrin, the daughter of Queen Mikoto?” The woman asked and Corrin sighed in relief as others relaxed.
No, she’s just taking Yato for a stroll, you see. Gotta walk the godsword every day or else it gets fussy.
“Yes.” Azura responded as she walked toward Corrin, gaze protective. “Lady Corrin is the only daughter of Queen Mikoto, the Queen of Hoshido.” Azura explained causing the mystery woman to sheath her weapon.
If this is just gonna be a rehash of what I already went over, I’ma go ahead and cut the rest of this conversation out.
“Azura,” the woman responded, shocking Azura; did they know one another? “do you trust her?” she asked and Azura nodded. “I do…yet I do not believe you and I have met.” Azura replied and the woman hummed. “I see no one here remember’s me.” She mumbled and Ryoma sighed.
Specs: Bitch, we don’t even know you!
Contacts: Though I might have stolen from you once in a past life. Doooeees… “Hairclip” sound familiar? No? Fuck, this is gonna take a while…
“This is Keiana…” Ryoma looked at Corrin, before he smiled. “your blood-sister.” he stated and Corrin’s eyes widened. Blood sister?!
If it were me, I’d be less concerned about the blood sibling thing and more intrigued by why my long-lost bro-dawg has such a stupid fucking name.
Essieyy: Aw, you don’t mean that.
The fuck I don’t, freak.
“Wait!” Corrin shouted, shock in her eyes. “I have a sister related to me by blood?! I thought I was Mikoto’s only child!” Corrin shouted before fixing Ryoma with a glare.
Have you seen female Corrin’s glaring face? That’s not exactly intimidating, whichever of the body types you choose for her. (Unlike Awakening, you only get two options.)
“Did you decide to hide this from me as well?!” Corrin shouted, how much was hidden from her?
Contacts: You talking to me? Hey, I hide shit from everybody, that’s why I have a Treasury full of priceless loot.
Or rather, “had.”
Contacts: Shit shit shit shit shit- FUCK OFF OUTTA MY TREASURY, SYL!
“Calm down Corrin,” Ryoma soothed holding his hands up in defense. “Keiana wanted to tell you herself but she had no idea what you looked like; Keiana was in Hoshido when the strike happened and got separated in the crowd and couldn’t find us. She just got here.” Ryoma explained before Keiana walked over, unfazed at Corrin tensing.
Specs: I know that feel. “Hey, don’t I know you from- why is the town on fire?!”
Spoiler alert: As it turns out, Specs did NOT know that guy from anywhere in particular. No explanation as to the town’s sudden spontaneous combustion. Blame Bifocals or something.
“I’m sorry I attacked you, but I had overheard that you were a Nohrian Noble and thought you were betray everyone.” Keiana explained before looking at the sword.
I am betray you all!
Contacts: But whai?!
Esseiyy: Takumi totally saw that coming.
Why the hell are you still here?
“I should’ve known better seeing as you have the Yato in your possession.” she stated before looking Corrin in the eye. “I’m sorry I attacked you…sister.” Keiana gave off a smile of a sister having not seen her younger sibling in years…which seemed to be true.
Contacts: Yo bro, sorry I fucked up your shit and bitch-slapped your spouse-dawg into forever, we cool now?
Specs: Totes, bro.
*Spouse-dawg* “I disagree with this sentiment!”
Specs: Speaking of which, where is Kaze? Did he just get red misted and whatever is left of him is dripping from the trees?
It was this fateful day that Midori knew the meaning of nightmares.
Keiana looked older than Corrin by a few years, she seemed almost as old as Ryoma, if not a year or two younger.
Any of you guys want to try and calculate that, be my guest, I’m not even going to give it a second thought. My brain hurts enough just reading this fic without also trying to do math fuckery on top of it.
Corrin couldn’t believe how easily the word ‘sister’ rolled off her tongue; here she was, just a few minutes ago ready to kill her, slashed at Kaze, and now she’s saying sister?
She did a bit worse than just slashing Kaze.
Contacts: You can see a giant fist-shaped mark on the walls where Kaze’s blood didn’t splatter.
Yet her tone was genuine; Corrin could tell that much; and seeing the pleading look in everyone’s eyes she sighed and shook the hand Keiana had held out.
It was Kaze’s, recovered from his horribly dismembered corpse.
Specs: An electric buzzer wasn’t good enough for a prank, then?
“It’s okay…sister,” Corrin tried out, realizing it felt right to say it. “I forgive you.” She said with a smile and Keiana’s eyes brightened.
No but really, this woman just tried to murder you and the father of your children and the second you learn that you’re related, it stops being “Bitch gonna have regrets” to “I love you bro.”
And I can say, sadly, that this is STILL in-character for Corrin, folks. Example:
Takumi: BLFDJVOJRQIOWEHTUGIHRJTILAJRTIOAEJGKBKLAGL DIE YOU FUCKING NOHRIAN SHIT-EATING DICK BABY
*Takumi fires an arrow from Fujin Yumi and nails Corrin in the chest*
Corrin: Okay, first of all, you’re being really rude right now.
Obviously, that’s not exactly how the dialogue goes, but it’s about how it sounds.
Corrin suddenly felt her inner dragon roar in happiness
My inner dragon just scoffed, which might explain why my throat burns right now. But that could also be because I’m thirsty as hell. Who made off with my soda stash?!
Contacts: For once, it wasn’t me.
and looked at Keiana to see a content smile of her face; she seemed to have felt something as well. “The dragon within is happy.” Keiana mumbled softly, shocking Corrin. “A dragon within you as well?” she questioned and Keiana nodded, lowering her hand. “But of course, our father was an-
That just badly rehashes what I already went over, folks.
As things settled down, everyone returned to their respective area’s; the couples close together;
Except for Kaze, who they had to scrape off the ramparts and roughly reassemble in order to hold a proper funeral. Midori never spoke or felt emotions again.
while Keiana looked at Ryoma who nodded.
*SC looks at Specs*
*Specs nods back at SC*
*SC shakes his head*
…And if you understood any of that, congratulations! You’re one step closer to translating Book Specs’ communication method!
[Not if I can help it. -Book Specs]
“I have some business to talk to Keiana about, I will explain everything later.” Ryoma stated and walked off with Keiana beside him, confusing Corrin, before she walked over to her husband.
Contacts: And poked gingerly at what she assumed was his brain with a stick.
“Are you okay?” she asked him worried as Sakura finished healing his gash.
*Sakura, sobbing* “I CAN’T FIX THIS!”
“I shall be fine, are you okay?” he asked her, looking her over for any wounds. “I am find Kaze, you needn’t worry.” Corrin said as she kissed his forehead, worry in her red eyes.
It was here that Kaze’s stitches burst and he fell back to pieces again.
Specs: God damn it, Corrin.
“Y-you should recover q-quickly.” Sakura said as Saizo appeared behind her.
Saizo then proceeded to explode for no reason, gibbing himself, Sakura, Corrin AND Kaze in one fell swoop. His hands rained from the sky, perpetually frozen with extended middle fingers.
Specs: For enjoying Kaze’s character as much as you claim, you sure are having a good old time dismembering him in horrific fashion right now.
Liking a character and liking to viciously maim a character often coincide where I’m concerned.
“With enough r-rest you s-should be able to g-get back on y-your f-feet.” she stuttered out before standing and walking off with her own husband, something that intrigued everyone when the two got together.
And then Saizo exploded, blasting Sakura into a nearby building. She had a VERY heated argument with him later that night.
(No, the explosive suicide and Kaze-getting-Black-Belted train ain’t stopping anytime soon.)
Helping Kaze up, Kana and Midori came running over to their parents, hugging both their father and mother out of worry, asking if they were okay in which the two assured their children they were fine.
But Kana hugged Kaze too hard, and his upper torso popped off, landing on the ground with a glare directed at the young boy, as if to say, “Okay, fuck you, kid.”
Days passed by as Corrin learned the truth about her heritage.
Keiana was, in fact, her elder sister whom had escaped with Mikoto when their homeland was attacked but got separated with their brother, whom Keiana explained was still missing.
Nah, Robin just wound up in a different world.
After being separated, her and their brother worked to gather money while travelling the lands and eventually ended up in Hoshido. They encountered the new Queen, Mikoto, their mother who after she spotted them exclaimed in happiness and joy that she was grateful they had survived. Keiana explained that her and their older brother questioned the condition of their younger sister, in which Mikoto explained that Corrin had been kidnapped. Keiana and her brother were not mentioned to the royal family except to Ryoma whom already knew of them as King Sumeragi had informed Ryoma of everything.
Interesting how the brother was missing in one sentence, but then isn’t in the next.
Specs: Kind of like how Transitions was dead for the majority of our plot, but then mysteriously wasn’t during the Specs and Clones riffing series.
You’re still sore about that, huh?
Specs: We spent too damn long trying to kill him the FIRST time.
Anyhow, regarding the whole, “Not telling Sumeragi about the other two kids” thing, that’s pretty shitty for Mikoto to do. Even after they finally reunite. So Corrin gets to play royalty, but the other two kids get to tough it out?
Contacts: Mikoto is my new nominee for Mother of the Year.
Keiana stated that when Corrin had been recovered and brought back to Hoshido, Mikoto was going to announce Keiana and their brother as well, but was unable to due to the attack. The attack had separated her and their brother and Keiana had searched for their whereabouts as to reunite with the family.
Well, you’re about 50% towards completing that objective, I’d say.
Contacts: Unless their brother got nabbed by Anankos.
Well then he’s screwed.
“As far as I’m concerned” she slowly finished. “our brother is still out there somewhere, though it won’t be long for him to find us.” Keiana said as she stopped to look at Corrin with a smile. “Dragons never stray too far from their families.” she said and Corrin giggled.
I can’t really rule that out as being non-canon, but I’d like to point out that Anankos sent his wife and only child into hiding before he completely fell to insane villainy, which was straying pretty far from his family, if you ask me.
“I’m glad to know I have blood-related siblings.” Corrin began with a soft smile. “I love my Hoshido siblings and my Nohr siblings…but sometimes I just feel so…out of place.” Corrin explained and Keiana nodded. “I am aware, Ryoma has told me of your predicament.” She explained and Corrin gave her a curious look.
Specs: It’s because y’all motherfuckers ain’t related.
Contacts: That tends to lead to some not fitting in issues.
“Speaking of Ryoma…what’s up between you and him?” she asked suddenly and Keiana blushed. “W-what do you mean?” she squeaked out and covered her mouth as Corrin gave an unimpressed look. “Exactly as I asked.” she said simply. “You two are…closer than I would’ve thought for someone who didn’t interact with the family that much as you and our brother were only labeled as civilian’s.” Corrin said and Keiana looked away, flustered.
Which is still incredibly shitty on Mikoto’s end.
And if this is going where I think it is, let me take this moment to point out now that Scarlet –
– and Ryoma are shown, in-game, to sort of have a thing going. In Birthright, it’s just a friendly thing that goes nowhere, as the two have zero support conversations (yet another complaint of Fates: There’s an awful lot of “Corrinsexuals” in the army roster who will only support with Corrin, despite their obvious interactions with other characters that could be built upon), but in Revelation, it has a better explanation… in that, the reason Scarlet and Ryoma’s romance doesn’t get off the ground is because Scarlet gets fucking murdered one mission after you recruit her. Which is bullshit, because apart from being beside Kaze on my “favorite character in the game” list, she’s one of the better-written characters overall.
Now, the fact that Scarlet doesn’t ever progress with any romantic feelings towards Ryoma does open the possibility of him hooking up with someone else, as he does have a child of his own if he S-supports with someone (and his kid is a rebellious little shithead and it’s hysterical), but I’m not prepared to let him fall victim to a Sue without a fight. Even though I don’t really like him all that much.
“I…I guess I’m not hiding it too well.” Keiana said with a sigh, a hand held to the center of her chest. “Keiana?” Corrin questioned as the woman sighed. “Can we talk…alone?” Keiana asked as she looked around, seeing eyes on them.
Corrin nodded as the two headed to the Private Quarter’s of Corrin;
Private Quarters of Corrin is a terrible name for your treehouse.
Specs: Apparently, Gilbert and the other kids-
Specs: -had built a treehouse of their own at one point, and they had some kind of argument about the name. It was between “House of Fuckinators,” “The Hall of Brohalla,” and “Fort Better-Than-You.”
Contacts: If Rose is to be believed, none of the three options won, and they instead settled on “The Treehouse of Not Pissing SC Off.”
They’re a good bunch, them kidsters. Although I would’ve been fine with Hall of Brohalla.
she too glanced about, seeing the eyes.
THEY’RE FUCKING EVERYWHERE.
Ever since the odd misunderstanding in which Keiana attacked Corrin, many watched Keiana like a hawk, like an outsider; treated her with hostility and overall avoided her
Specs: That’s it? They treated Azura worse in Conquest. When Hoshido went to war with Nohr, the fact that Azura was Nohrian was enough to land her behind bars, and she hadn’t done anything.
…except Ryoma, Kana and Azura.
So the kid who watched his mom get her shit wrecked, Corrin’s legit cousin, and the only prince who knows what’s going on around here are on Clone!Corrin’s side? That’s kind of an interesting bunch, allies-wise, but whatever, I’ll roll with it.
As they entered the room, Corrin noticed Kaze wasn’t home, though he must’ve been doing some work, though his absence was noted.
Contacts: He was working on learning how to walk without accidentally swinging a leg too hard and flinging it through the air.
Specs: So far, we’ve got him back to a “shamble,” and we hope to progress to a “jaunty stroll” by next week. He’s an amazingly fast healer!
“So” Keiana started as she sat down in one of the chairs, in which Corrin sat on the bed close by. “the reason as to why I’m so close to Ryoma…it has to do with the reason me and our brother were reunited with Mikoto.” Keiana said as she remembered what happened.
-Flashback- Keiana walked about the city, smiling at people as they passed by,
No, folks, you did indeed read that correctly. That is exactly how the author segues into a flashback in-fic. I actually gagged when I saw that, but primarily because I was eating a sammich at the time and tried to laugh. Feels bad, man.
No, but seriously, if you’re going to have a flashback scene in the middle of your present storyline, don’t do this. Just put the flashback in italics so that the audience knows it’s not happening in the present. It looks so much more clean, and you end up not being as much of an asshole for it. Personally, I would just as soon do away with flashbacks for a detailed recollection of the event in question by the character who lived it, because flashbacks are done far better in visual format than written word, but that’s me.
her brother was off doing thing, probably practicing in hopes of regaining their sister.
Specs: One must become a true master of the thing before one can attempt to partake so noble a mission as saving the life of a loved one lost.
Contacts: To master the thing, however, runs the high risk of becoming the thing, and therein lies the path to downfall.
Who the fuck are you pseudo-Jedi assholes, and where are Dumbass and Thief-Cunt?
Specs and Contacts: HEY!
Nevermind, found them.
She was amazed at how peaceful Hoshido was; it was unlike the wild woods her and her brother had been living in for some time.
Wild Woods is the name of my fantasy metal band.
Specs: Aw, I thought you would have said disco.
I contemplated going with a Michael Jackson theme, but didn’t know if that would work.
“Keiana!” a voice called out, shocking her. She turned around and noticed it was the young prince, Ryoma; his hair was noticeable anywhere.
Even from behind, you KNOW when it’s Ryoma doing the ass-whooping. He certainly stands apart from the other units.
Contacts: Interesting that his hair is what tipped Clone!Corrin off, though. I’d have thought it would be his lobster armor. It’s what gets everybody else.
I like to think that he didn’t ALWAYS wear red armor. Not that I have any business talking, of course, given that my OC Kyn Redmane wears bright green armor and always has.
“Prince Ryoma!” she greeted casually and smiled at him. “How are you?” she asked and he smiled back at her. “I am well, and you?” he questioned and she giggled. “I am well,” she responded, smile bright. “I am back with mother again, it has been so long. I feel such at peace here.” Keiana explained and Ryoma chuckled.
Author, for the love of all that is holy, learn to write dialogue. It’s a new line for every person who has a speaking role in that particular scene. You do not clump conversations into one paragraph block. It reads like SHIT, apart from being grammatically unsound.
“Yes” he began, walking with her. “I am glad to see you and your brother so happy, it was obvious Mikoto missed you as you two did her.” Ryoma responded and Keiana smiled softly.
Ryoma, for the love of all that is holy, learn how to articulate thoughts. I can barely even read this mess.
Specs: I’ve been cleaning my glasses incessantly all throughout this fic, because I swear they’re smudged and I’m just reading this dialogue wrong whenever shit like this pops up.
“Mother, she has always been a wonderful woman.” Keiana said before she gave an excited gasp. “Ryoma!” she called his name, making him jump. “Could you tell me about the time she came here to when we arrived? I’d love to know how she has treated you all!” Keiana exclaimed and Ryoma smiled with a nod. -Flashback end-
Yep, that sure is how people talk.
Contacts: One hundred percent legit true. Can confirm, am expert in trade.
“Since that day” Keiana said with a gentle smile. “Ryoma had told me tales of our mother, we grew closer and closer as days passed…though some people disapproved of our closeness.” Keiana said sadly as her eyes grew sorrowful.
“Like who?” Corrin asked and Keiana sighed, rubbing her arms. “Guards, Council Members, Takumi, S-!”
Keiana was cut off as Corrin seemed to exploded with rage.
God damn it, we’re still trying to put Kaze back together!
Specs: Those poor, poor children.
Contacts: Do you think Sakura can multitask psychiatric therapy and surgical reconstruction?
I’m thinking not.
Ishi, one floor down: NOT IF SHE WISHES TO AVOID TOMFOOLERY!
Kanai, also one floor down: DID I HEAR YOU SCREAMING AGAIN?!
Contacts: I can’t tell quite how many rice paper doors that sent him through, but I’m thinking it was greater than ten.
“TAKUMI?!” She shouted and Keiana looked at her before nodding. “Yes, he was against the idea of me and Ryoma spending so much time together, though he wasn’t as harsh as the others.” she stated and Corrin shook a little, anger in her. “But…still, he-he…” Corrin gritted her teeth tightly to keep her from lashing out.
Interesting that Corrin is susceptible to Suefluence when she, herself, is the ultimate Sue of Fates. Also, if this is gonna turn into Takumi bashing, I’m just gonna cut the entire rest of the fic out and end it here.
Specs: Not the entire rest of the fic, per se, but the next few paragraphs and another bullshit flashback, at the very least.
Welp, then that’s all getting cut out, because I don’t have the patience to put up with that crap.
*Boos and jeering*
Ah, piss off, it’s not like you guys enjoy reading it either.
~THERE WAS BASHING HERE. IT’S GONE NOW.~
Corrin jerked back in shock. “You and Ryoma are married?!” she asked in shock and Keiana nodded, laying her head on a hand. “Me and Ryoma have been together for…a few years now.” Keiana said with a soft smile. “Things have been good.”
Oh, you two are married, huh?
So then where’s Shiro?
Methinks the author didn’t ever recruit Shiro and so doesn’t know he exists. The kid is Ryoma’s son, and I believe I mentioned earlier that he’s renowned amongst the fandom for being one of the child units who goes against the grain of, “I love my family!” and instead looks at Ryoma and goes, “FUCK YOU, DAD, YOU SUCK!” (The only other child unit that I know of who does this is Asugi, Saizo’s son. Okay, and Hayato’s daughter Rhajat. So, three child units I know of.)
Apart from that, though, Shiro is basically the cool bro child unit, if what I’m reading about him is to be believed. And it’s the Fire Emblem wiki, so I should certainly hope I can believe it.
she finished with a blush and Corrin smiled. “Well” she began, catching Keiana’s attention. “I’m glad to see Ryoma so happy with you, it warms my heart.”
You haven’t seen shit of their relationship, don’t act like you know how they tolerate each other.
Corrin said with a bright smile and Keiana giggled. “As it warms my heart to see you in such goods hand.” Keiana said as she looked at a picture of Corrin with Kaze, Kana, and Midori.
Hopefully not painted by Kagero, because she has a rather unfortunate habit of Edgar Allen Poeing things by accident, according to her supports with Silas.
Corrin’s smile became one of a mother gazing into a happy past.
Contacts: What the fuck does that mean?
“Yes, though there have been struggles” she said as Keiana turned her attention back to her. “we have overcome everything that has happened, we have been strong through thick and thin.” Corrin looked Keiana in the eye, the red eyes of a dragon clashing with one another. “And no matter what, our love will continue to grow.” She stated firmly and Keiana looked at her, before nodding in agreement.
Specs: That sounded like a threat. We don’t take kindly to threats, here.
Reunited with one another, they will grow stronger and continue to grow closer; they were sister’s by blood and no matter what that would never change. Eventually their brother will be reunited with them and the family would be whole, and in the end, everything will be alright. The family will grow larger and everyone will be at peace as they knew the war would end, and peace would return to the land.
Oh geez, wow, sorry people, I don’t even know what happened there…
*Contacts produces a fishing pole and casts the line out into the hall, reeling in Doc a short moment later*
Doc: …You know, there are better ways to get my attention, asshole.
Contacts: Hey, why he pukin’?
Doc: God, please tell me that’s not how you speak normally… and it probably has something to do with that closing paragraph having all the cloying sweetness of a bottle of ipecac. It’s making me feel ill. Though that could also be the effects of the whiplash from when you started reeling me in.
Contacts: Kay, thanks!
*Contacts scoops Doc up in a fishing net, and tosses him back out into the hall with a loud thud*
Doc: OW, you miserable little condom failure!
He’s such a helpful guy.
Well, that brings this riff to an end, folks! Thanks for reading, and stay tuned for next time! I think I’m gonna do maybe one more (SHORTER, so I can get it done in a reasonable timeframe) oneshot, then- *sigh* -get back to LAFS, much as I dread doing so. It’s only fair, I have a proper computer now, I can afford to lengthen my riffs back out to where I’ll actually get to the, uh, “interesting” parts, rather than misjudging how long the riff actually is and forcing myself to focus on all the boring shit for that week. In the meantime, I’m SC, and on behalf of Specs and Contacts, I’ll see you next time!
*Shades pokes her head in; she is bleeding profusely, but seems not to care much about it*
Shades: Oi. Some pineapple-looking cunt just bust in and started shooting arrows at people, screaming about some Fuji apple or something. Should I shoot him?
Yeah, sure. We have enough troublemakers around here anyhow.