1541: Teen titians: The weirdest foe – Chapter 2

 

Title: Teen titians: The weirdest foe
Author: Yami Joeys Dog
Media: TV
Topic: Teen Titans
Genre: Humor
URL: Chapter 2
Critiqued by Ghostcat

 

—WARNING—

—FIC CONTAINS GRAPHIC (AND JUVENILE) DEPICTION OF BODILY FLUIDS—

 

 

 

Hello and welcome back, dear Patrons!

I’m here with the second chapter of this allegedly “humorous” fic. In the first chapter the audience was introduced to Kimberly, a seventeen year old girl who spent four months in Slade’s Tube of Science in order to enact an unspecified revenge plot on the Titans. As soon as she was uncorked and acquired a suitably vast wardrobe that she stores in a watch (because Fuck you, physics!) she walked right up to the Titans Tower’s front door and rang the doorbell. Starfire, who has been transformed into a vacuous bubblehead, believed Kimberly’s vague story about being a newspaper reporter who wanted to interview her, so she let Kimberly into her bedroom and the two gossiped for several hours. By a crazy random happenstance it was Starfire’s turn to make dinner and Kimberly offered to help, giving her an opportunity to doctor Raven’s food with an unknown chemical. After this very long chain of random events that Kimberly would have had to have been able to predict flawlessly in order for her plan to succeed, she left to practice her evil laughter  and decide on a super-villain name. Or something like that, nobody really cares.

Logically this chapter would deal with the effects, if any, that the unknown substance has on Raven’s hybrid physiology – but it’s equally possible that the Titans will decide to have a skee-ball competition instead.

Let’s find out!

Gary walks into the room and looks around.

Blech. I forgot about the script-format opening passage.

 Gary: Any one here?

Nobody here but us chickens.

:Ba-BAAK!:

:brushes chicken off desk: Shoo! Go away, you ambulatory feather duster!

:BAAAK!:

I need to have a talk with Tariko-san about this new “free range” menu she’s trying out in the cafeteria. I think something got lost in translation.

Come you guys, we gotta do the disclaimer!

No, you really don’t.

Cyborg comes up with a note from the others. Cyborg: Robin, Beast boy, Raven and Starfire had to go stop a bank robbery. They sent me to help you with the disclaimer.

Why isn’t Cyborg helping out with the bank robbery? I’d think that would take precedence over this inane drivel.

Gary: Well I suppose it’s better than nothing..

:cocks Xenodoken Gun:

Watch it, Gary.

Cyborg: HEY!*walks out in a huff*

Don’t worry, Cy – I’ve got your back.

BOOM!

xenodoken

 Gary: . guess that means I’m back on my own.. Any ways I do not own the teen titians or any thing like that. This is a simple fan fiction so please don’t sue me.

I wonder if the author really thinks that laws work that way. Theft of intellectual property is still theft; it is as if he walked into someone’s house, picked up one of their belongings, and then walked out with it and expected that it’d be totally fine as long as he politely asked the owner not to call the cops.

All of the Titians poured into the living room to grab their food and head towards the TV to watch stuff.

Ooh, I love that show! Especially when they do the thing with the stuff.

Raven was still being mean to Starfire but after getting a look from Robin that told her to stop she started to eat her food and there was no more problems for a while.

And the cavalcade of daybooking continues.

She noticed that her Hotdogs tasted a little funny and after the fight with Starfire didn’t want to risk any thing and made the green eyed alien have half of one of her hot dogs to be safe.

If Raven is that concerned about Starfire touching her food, why would she eat any of it? She could have just made her own dinner.

I’m going to go ahead and call it now – the mystery substance will have the same exact effect on both Starfire and Raven despite the fact that they have radically different body chemistries and that Raven may have had three times the dose that Starfire ingests. (I’m assuming that the chemical was evenly distributed in at least two hotdogs, since the dish is always referred to in the plural, so if Raven forced Starfire to eat half of one that would leave at least one and a half for Raven.)

After the meal Starfire and Raven got in anther fight that ended with Raven using her telepathic powers to hurl items at star and blast dark energy at her while Starfire countered with her star bolts.

Does that say that they got into an antler fight using their powers?

Robin had stopped the fight after a star bolt almost made Beast boy Beast girl

Apparently rampant destruction of their home is fine, but once you threaten a dude’s genitalia you’ve gone to far.

and sent them out front onto the lawn and he went with. “Look, I don’t know what started this, and I don’t wanna know. You two have been at each other’s throats all day and we’re going to settle it right now.

:frowns:

According to the dialogue in the first chapter, Raven was acting normally when she told Starfire what she wanted for dinner and her behavior changed afterwards. Unless Starfire asked everyone first thing in the morning what they wanted for dinner that night, Raven hasn’t been acting like this all day. And Starfire didn’t even respond in kind at first, she ran off crying instead.

You two are going to fight till the other gives up or passes out and whoever wins here wins your guys argument.” Robin said firmly. Both girls looked like they were going to disagree, each not sure if she could beat the other, when Robin spoke up again. “And if you refuse then I’ll kick you both off the titian’s.”

This is what happens when you are taught diplomacy and leadership skills by the frickin’ Batman.

I can understand the girls’ reluctance to fight; even if they weren’t friends (which they are) the two train frequently together and each are acutely aware of how much damage the other can inflict upon them.

That was a lie cause he could never kick them off but he manage to scare them into believing he would so the fight began.

It’s a good thing they didn’t call his bluff then, because that would have stripped him of all of his authority. You never lead with your big guns, author; if you make a threat and don’t follow through then that effectively neuters any subsequent threat you might make.

10 minuets

:THWACK!:

into the fight Robin relised that it would have been better for the lawn if they had fought over the river and 20 minuets

:THWACK!:

into the fight he was starring at what used to be their lawn and the two dirty, sweating, tired looking divas of the Titians and shook his head hoping this fight solved their problems.

I don’t see how it could, but at least they will be too tired to bitch and moan anymore.

Finally, after a 45 minuet

:THWACK!:

fight Starfire finally fell down onto the ground knocked out. Raven smirked

Baa?

Yeah, go ahead. She’s still fair game.

BAA!

Such a polite demonic three-headed sheep.

and passed out a second later, still the winner.

I’m not sure if there’s an average length of time for a minuet so I picked one at random – Eine kleine Nachtmusik, which is approximately fourteen minutes long. Forty-five times fourteen minutes would be … :does math: Ten and a half hours.

No wonder they’re so tired.

When Starfire woke up later it was 11 pm and she was in her bed.

:THWACK!:

Yay, a time-skip! Anything to get through this fic as fast as possible.

Some one had cleaned her and blushing she hoped that it was at least Robin.

If you’re thinking of dragging the Robfire ship into this mess … :cocks Xenodoken Gun: Don’t.

She had been awoken by a painful feeling in her bladder and had to run to the bathroom and release herself.

Great, she released the feeling of her bladder into the toilet. That’s just what this situation needs, to be made oddly sexual.

After wiping herself

:headdesk:

The author has been skipping through details like they were a field of spring daisies, but this is something he feels the need to specifically mention?

she head back to her room when she hear a cry coming from Raven’s room.

So Starfire blasted the door open and flew in with starbolts a-blazing?

Raven had also awoken and found that she was clean of the dirt and had also been awoken by a painful bladder.

Called it – the chemical affected them both the exact same way.

However the moment she when to move her bladder screamed and gave in

I don’t think internal organs are supposed to make that much noise.

and still in her bed Raven began to spurt hot pee out, soaking her panties in the gush and her bed.

I’m more disgusted by the author’s terrible sentence structure than I am by Raven wetting her bed. Accidents happen, but using poor grammar is a deliberate choice.

Afterwards she just sat there in her own urine for a second, sniffling and all to aware of the piss smell and broke out crying.

That seems like a reasonable response to sudden (and violent) incontinence.

Starfire entered Raven’s room and before the sobbing girl could try to hide any thing Starfire saw it all.

Is anything even visible? Raven was just starting to get out of bed, so she could still be under the covers. And it’s probably fairly dark in the bedroom. Based on the narration, the smell would be far more noticeable.

Starfire smirked,

:Cerbersheep thunders past:

BAAA!

:spritzes air freshener: It’s nice to have him around, but I wish he didn’t smell like scorched wool.

remembering Raven’s comment on her being a cry baby and how at the moment Raven seemed to be the baby but she could tell that the girl was in a fragile state right now and even if they had been fighting full force hours before, Starfire quickly forgot about her and Raven as being foe’s and quickly became the friend the dark teen needed.

How very magnanimous of you.

I’m really confused about all of this. Starfire was upset to the point of tears because Raven was being mean to her, which somehow escalated into a knock-down-drag-out fight between the two in just a few hours, then Starfire started getting her gloat on only to flip in an entirely different emotional direction and decide to go back to being Raven’s buddy just seconds later.

She rushed over to Ravens side and helped the girl out of the soaked bed and stoked her hair and just held onto Raven and let Raven cry into her chest.

That’s sweet and everything, but Raven’s still marinating in her own bodily fluids. Might want to address that soon.

Soon the sobbing stopped and Raven looked up at Star and blushed.

:crosses fingers:

Please don’t get weird. Please don’t get weird. Please don’t get weird.

“Thank you Star, I’m sorry about earlier.” Raven said in a small voice.

There’s no bonding experience quite like an unexpected bed-wetting bonding experience. Mostly because neither one of you will want to speak of this ever again.

Starfire shrugged it off and told Raven to go get a shower while she took care of the sheets. Raven stepped into the bathroom and striped off her uniform and in disgust blasted it with her dark energy’s destroying it.

Why was she wearing her uniform in bed? And wasn’t she wearing panties before? They were specifically mentioned in the narration during the bed-wetting itself.

She stepped into the shower; naked as the day she was born and turned on the shower, taking a quick shower to clean herself.

That’s a lot of showering for one person, especially when you add in the previous “shower” she had in the bedroom.

“Must keep busy, don’t give your self time to think about what just happened.” Raven thought to herself.

Actually, you should be thinking about it – specifically why it happened. This isn’t a normal situation for a healthy young adult, so you should be questioning what would cause you to suddenly lose control of your bladder. In humans it could be a sign of a serious medical issue, so gods only know what it could mean for someone with Raven’s background.

While she took her shower Starfire stripped the bed sheets and destroyed them,

Why is Starfire taking a shower with the sheets?

not wanting to risk waiting till it was one of their turns to do the laundry.

So those were the only two options, to utterly destroy the items or let them sit around until it was their regular laundry day?

Why? The tower is a big place so I assume they have laundry facilities of some sort, even if it’s just a stacking washer/dryer unit shoved into a corner somewhere. You don’t have to wait for a pre-determined laundry day in order to use a washer and dryer – they are good to good at any time they’re needed.

She looked at the bed and knew that it would need cleaning tomorrow but nether of them had the strength to do it right now.

Yeah, because it’s going to be so much easier to clean the mattress once the urine has seeped deep into the padding/springs/foam/etc. and dried.

I’m actually a bit surprised she didn’t just blast the thing, given her previous over-reaction with the sheets. Sheets are easily machine-washable while mattresses are a pain in the ass to clean.

Smiling Starfire went thru Raven’s dresser and took out a pair of panties and a white top. “Cotton white panties. How plain.” Starfire commented.

I would really love it if you would keep any thoughts you have regarding Raven’s knickers to yourself.

It is really odd that Raven would have white clothing considering how dark her wardrobe is; typically women wear dark underclothes with dark clothing and light underclothes with light clothing to avoid the undergarments in question showing through the clothes. (Because far too many items of women’s clothing are made of nothing but butterfly farts, moonbeams, and the wistful thoughts of fashion designers.)

Raven walked back into the room then, a towel wrapped around her and anther around her hair.

I’m jealous; my shower never gives me antlers.

“I took out some clothes for you to change into. Your bed is suitable for sleeping on right now so I would suggest that you share a bed with me.” Starfire said. Raven stood there, wanting to disagree but knowing that all of what Star was saying was true.

Okay, two things;

  • the bed is definitely not suitable for sleeping because;
    • A: you’ve made no attempt to clean it, and
    • B: there’s no sheets or bedding because you blasted them out of existence.
  • why is Raven sharing a bed with Starfire the solution to this problem? Neither one of them knows if this was an isolated incident or if Raven has developed a sudden medical issue.

Come to think of it, why hasn’t Starfire mentioned that she woke up with abdominal pain and the sudden urge to urinate? One person suffering from mysterious symptoms could be attributed to natural causes, but two people with the exact same symptoms? That would be very suspicious.

With a slow nod she dried herself, got dressed and walked with Starfire back to star’s room and they both slipped into Starfire’s bed.

:crosses more fingers:

Please, please, PLEASE don’t get any weirder.

They both had the same strange dream of being throw into the sea and having to try and stay above the water.

:headdesk:

Not only does the chemical cause the same reaction in both of them despite their very different body chemistry, but it also prompts them both to have the exact same dream?

What the hell was in this stuff?

When they awoke the next morning both girls were shocked to find Starfire’s bed was wet,

Which really should come as a shock to no one.

Raven had thought she had done it but a quick look showed a lager yellow stain then she could have made meaning Starfire had also wet.

That’s what you get for binge-drinking beer before bed.

The size of a single stain wouldn’t be an indication that they both were incontinent, just that Raven is a restless sleeper; the only real way to tell if they were both suffering the same effects would be if there were two distinct points of origin, one under each girl, or if Starfire’s underclothing was soiled. And the previous incident was preceded by intense abdominal pain so the girls should have both woken up prior to this.

Both girls eyes filled with tears and leaning on each other’s shoulders they started crying.

I get that this would be traumatic for them, but these are two battle-hardened warriors – they should be deeply suspicious of what’s happening to them and after their initial moment of panic should be contacting the others so that they all can work on figuring out what is going on. At the very least they need to determine if the same thing is happening to the boys.

Gary: .there ends anther chapter!

Hallelujah!

Cyborg is still off pouting and the other Titians aren’t back yet and frankly, at this point in the story that would be a good thing.

A very good thing. In fact, It would be fine with me if they all left the fic and never ever came back.

For those of you who are awaiting the diaper content of this story, don’t worry it’s coming soon.

:snorts: This fic is made out of diaper contents.

Wait a second … Diaper content?

:headdesk:

Remember people, As always I look forward to your comments on this story. So whether you liked it or hated it let me know.

:cracks knuckles:

  • Your premise isn’t funny AT ALL, not even in a juvenile, fart-joke, “ha-ha, you said fart!” way.
  • Your grammar is terrible.
  • All of the characters are acting wildly OOC.
  • The premise makes exactly zero sense; Kimberly spent FOUR MONTHS in a Tube of Science and for what? She used Bluff to get into the tower and the chemical she added to Raven’s food did the rest.
  • There is a staggering amount of Void up in this fic. I’m very familiar with these characters and the setting and even I’m having a hard time figuring out what’s going on at any given moment.
  • This is the very worst villainous scheme I’ve ever seen. The Titans beat up Kimberly’s sister and sent her to prison for months, and her idea of revenge is roughly the same thing a bunch of drunken college kids would do (with the help of a bowl of warm water) to the first person who passes out at a party. I half-expect Kimberly to sneak into their rooms and draw penises and rude words on their faces with a Sharpie.

That’s just the high points; I could go on.

*The Titians pop in out of nowhere as I go to finish.* Gary and the Titians: See ya later! Gary: Starfire? Raven? Why are you holding those bats.uh-oh..

:cocks Xenodoken Gun:

Wait for me, girls!

 

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38 Comments on “1541: Teen titians: The weirdest foe – Chapter 2”

  1. AdmiralSakai says:

    —WARNING—

    —FIC CONTAINS GRAPHIC (AND JUVENILE) DEPICTION OF BODILY FLUIDS—

    Well this is a new one…

  2. AdmiralSakai says:

    After the meal Starfire and Raven got in anther fight that ended with Raven using her telepathic powers to hurl items at star and blast dark energy at her while Starfire countered with her star bolts.

    Does that say that they got into an antler fight using their powers?

    Nope. Anthers.

  3. AdmiralSakai says:

    However the moment she when to move her bladder screamed and gave in and still in her bed Raven began to spurt hot pee out, soaking her panties in the gush and her bed. Afterwards she just sat there in her own urine for a second, sniffling and all to aware of the piss smell and broke out crying. Starfire entered Raven’s room and before the sobbing girl could try to hide any thing Starfire saw it all.


    This is a fetish ‘fic, isn’t it?

    • AdmiralSakai says:

      Smiling Starfire went thru Raven’s dresser and took out a pair of panties and a white top. “Cotton white panties. How plain.” Starfire commented.

      I rest my case.

      • AdmiralSakai says:

        “I took out some clothes for you to change into. Your bed is suitable for sleeping on right now so I would suggest that you share a bed with me.” Starfire said. Raven stood there, wanting to disagree but knowing that all of what Star was saying was true. With a slow nod she dried herself, got dressed and walked with Starfire back to star’s room and they both slipped into Starfire’s bed.
        They both had the same strange dream of being throw into the sea and having to try and stay above the water.

        When they awoke the next morning both girls were shocked to find Starfire’s bed was wet,

        God. Fucking. Dammit!

    • GhostCat says:

      And that right there is the reason for the warning on today’s riff.

      I’ve looked through the next chapter and it’s more like a really weird version of character-bashing. That or the author has a very specific “urinating in public” shaming/punishment fetish.

      • AdmiralSakai says:

        It’s the bit promising ‘diaper content’ that has me convinced more than anything else. That, and this particular diapers/humiliation/pissing fetish is weirdly widespread.

        (The link goes to a SomethingAwful compilatipon of posts from a (thankfully image-free) forum dedicated to this fetish, by the way- it’s not exactly safe for work, but it’s not a porn site either.)

      • GhostCat says:

        It’s entirely possible, although most fetish-fics with humiliation aspects typically get listed in the Hurt/Comfort section rather than Humor.

  4. BatJamags says:

    10 minuets

    They’re dancing? I thought they were supposed to be fighting?

  5. BatJamags says:

    When Starfire woke up later it was 11 pm and she was in her bed.

    If it’s 11 PM, and their fight was ten and a half hours, that means it started at around 12:30, which puts dinner at about 12. I don’t know about you guys, but where I come from, they call that lunch. Hell, we don’t know how long Starfire’s been out, so it might be closer to breakfast.

  6. BatJamags says:

    Some one had cleaned her and blushing she hoped that it was at least Robin.

    Oh, more blushing. Well, I hope whatever was in the hot dog was lethal, then.

    GoodJamags: Isn’t that a little extreme?

    No.

  7. BatJamags says:

    and still in her bed Raven began to spurt hot pee out, soaking her panties in the gush and her bed.

    What the fuck?

    • BatJamags says:

      Afterwards she just sat there in her own urine for a second, sniffling and all to aware of the piss smell and broke out crying.

      I mean, what the fuck?!

  8. BatJamags says:

    She rushed over to Ravens side and helped the girl out of the soaked bed and stoked her hair and just held onto Raven and let Raven cry into her chest.

    She peed the bed. It’s not very dignified, but it really doesn’t warrant all of this.

    • BatJamags says:

      She looked at the bed and knew that it would need cleaning tomorrow but nether of them had the strength to do it right now.

      She. Peed. The. Bed. It’s not some emotionally crushing defeat.

      • BatJamags says:

        Both girls eyes filled with tears and leaning on each other’s shoulders they started crying.

        You.

        Peed.

        The.

        Bed.

        I mean, really, am I wrong about this? I feel like if I peed the bed, I would be concerned, but it really wouldn’t be this traumatic. Does the author just think this is funny?

      • GhostCat says:

        Either they take the term “toilet humor” very literally, or they have a very specific fetish.

  9. BatJamags says:

    (Because far too many items of women’s clothing are made of nothing but butterfly farts, moonbeams, and the wistful thoughts of fashion designers.)

    Do butterflies fart?

    Well, there’s a question I never thought I’d ask.

  10. BatJamags says:

    With a slow nod she dried herself, got dressed and walked with Starfire back to star’s room and they both slipped into Starfire’s bed.

    OK, really. Teen Titans. Or “titians,” as the author insists on putting it.

    • GhostCat says:

      According to the narration, they are all allegedly between sixteen and seventeen years old. That’s a bit on the old side to be sharing a bed but not completely unheard of, especially if the girls are close or there are extenuating circumstances, but I wouldn’t want to share a bed with someone who just had incontinence issues regardless of age.

  11. TacoMagic says:

    After wiping herself

    Whyyyyyyyyyy!?

  12. TacoMagic says:

    So they were given a drug that made them need to urgently pee.

    Was that drug perhaps… water?

  13. TacoMagic says:

    spritzes air freshener: It’s nice to have him around, but I wish he didn’t smell like scorched wool.

    I feel bad for the guy. With the fire-retardant properties of wool, he can never fully burst into flame but just sorta lightly smolders all the time.

    That can’t have been good for his self-image; high school must have been really rough for the guy.

  14. Andiliteman says:

    I can honestly say at this point I’d rather be reading that Harry Potter doc with the tomato.

    Also, why the hell is this supposed to be funny? That’s one part gross and two parts degrading all drowned in what I’m pretty sure is fetish fuel.

    As for Gary…
    *pulls Bubble Blaster from a dusty box of forgotten RP*
    Why let the girls have all the fun?

  15. BatJamags says:

    I read ahead. I won’t spoil the surprise, but dear god, the worst is not over.


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