1540: Mortal Kombat: A New Hero’s Journey – Chapters 12, 13, and 14Posted: September 22, 2016
Disclaimer: Blah blah sex blah blah riff is not safe for work, blah blah penises and vaginas and graphic sexual activity blah blah read at your own discretion. Can we get on with the riff now?
Hello, folks, and welcome back for more Mortal Kombat porn! I’m your host Herr Wozzeck, and… well, I think you know what’s gonna happen now, right? Underdeveloped plot that’s only there for sexytimes to happen.
And I think this is the part where I’ll start skipping the sex unless there’s something really fucked up in there. It’s just become a slog otherwise, and nobody wants that, amirite?
Anyway, let’s get started!
So we start our next chapter with this:
Sonya and Johnny got married and had a daughter named Cassandra, but Sonya was more focused on her military work that spend time with her newfound family, which led to Johnny divorcing her.
Ah, right, a single sentence devoted to where Sonya went. Um, yeah. Question about that: what about the other lady Chris fucked? You know, Jade? We know what happened to Mileena, but what about Jade? And why is this relevant if it has nothing to do with—
Chris and Tanya got married a year later, but their marriage fell apart
Oh. Huh. You know, I should’ve expected it would fall apart. I mean I didn’t, but I should’ve. And really, how predictable is that? “Hey, we’ve fucked a few times, let’s put a ring on it!” Yeah, brilliant idea!
So, um… how did this marriage fall apart?
when Kotal Kahn and his henchmen stole her back to Outworld for execution.
Chris tried to rescue her with Johnny Cage’s help but they were too late. Tanya was executed before his very eyes. The woman he loved was dead before him.
REALLY!? REALLY, NOW!?
*headdesk* *headdesk* *headdesk* *headdesk*
Wow. Okay, so you frame Tanya as this woman who loves Chris. Whether or not we believe that is irrelevant right now, because according to your fic, they’re so much in love that they can’t live without each other. So you make them get married, make them have lots of sex, have Tanya do this whole heel-face turn, you make her a major character…
…and then you unceremoniously kill her off in four sentences. In narration. Offscreen. During a time skip.
*BAM* *BAM* *BAM* *BAM* *BAM* *BAM* *BAM*
This is a major character! You don’t just kill her offscreen like that for no reason! Character deaths are kind of important, for the reason that “hey, you’re never going to see this character alive again, you better give them a good send-off”! And even if the Netherrealm exists and characters are sometimes brought to life, guess what? Mortal Kombat 9 at least had the decency to send off most of the characters it killed with a damn good bang!
This is just… this isn’t even a send-off, let alone a good one! It literally just takes Tanya—who was built up by the story as a goddamn major character—and unceremoniously tosses her to the side like a toy.
*BAM* *BAM* *BAM* *BAM* *BAM* *BAM* *BAM* *BAM* *BAM* *BAM* *BAM* *BAM*
Jesus fuck, someone finally dies in a Mortal Kombat fanfic, and I can’t even be happy about it because it’s handled so poorly. What the fuck is my life?
They returned to Earthrealm. Chris couldn’t contain his sadness as he was returning home.
And that is exactly why we’re never going to actually see this sadness, right?
6 months later, he returned to action with the Special Forces with no memory of Tanya’s death.
Oh, right: we’re going to get Tanya out of the way, because guess what? Our author has run out of ideas on how to make sex with Tanya interesting, so it’s time to move on in the harem, ‘cause we’ve got a whole host of other hot ladies to bang, don’t we!?
Jesus Christ, I knew that Mortal Kombat porn would only go further in objectifying women for the titillation of the male audience of this game considering that most of the outfits and the boob sizes of the female characters already did that, but I didn’t think it would go as far as fucking discarding a female character when the potential for interesting lemons has dried up!
*headdesk* *headdesk* *headdesk*
I don’t know what I was expecting from a Mortal Kombat porn story, but holy Christ crackers, I was expecting it to be better than this!
On with the story!
He traveled the world, stopping terrorists from launching nukes, killing civilians, stopping drug trades and more. He and his team were decorated for their services in protecting Earthrealm. For once, Chris was happy of his accomplishments and hopes to do more in the future.
And then the story ended, right?
18 years later, he retired from service. Until one night, General Sonya Blade calls him:
“Chris, this is General Sonya Blade.”
“Sonya! It’s been a long time.”
Nope! Because guess what? We’ve gotta get going to regurgitate the second half of MKX’s story mode. No time for stories to end now, especially when they’ve had shitty endings!
Listen, we are located at the Refugee Camp and we need you to swing by.
And what the hell is that gonna do? Granted, the story tells us he’s now extremely decorated, but what the hell is he gonna do? Last time he went up against the Mortal Kombat characters, he got abducted by them and fucked them, before pretty much bumbling away from any major story events in the actual game. What the fuck do you think he’s gonna do there?
I want you to meet my daughter.”
“Did you forget I had a daugher?”
“I guess I did. I’ll be there.”
This banter is about as amusing as rubbing my scrotum on sandpaper.
Anyway, that ends that chapter. We open our next chapter with…
Chris traveled to the Special Forces Refugee Camp to meet with General Sonya Blade.
“Chris, good to see you again,” Sonya said with a firm handshake. Chris only notices Johnny and Kenshi.
“it’s been a long time,” Chris said.
Yes it has, and the dialogue is still as exciting as a damp toilette.
“Age hasn’t slowed you down one bit,” said Sonya.
I know what Sonya means in this case, but given that they fucked once upon a time I really don’t want to think too hard about what that could mean…
“YO!” Johnny yelled. “My man! How’s it going?”
“What the hell happened to you, man?”
“Hey, come on, man. You know I still got it!”
“Got what, exactly? Prune juice? Extra-strength Denture cream? Dick pills?”
Proper dialogue attribution?
“Chris, I don’t believe we met. I’m Kenshi Takahashi and this is son Takeda.”
Chris and Takeda shook hands. “How’s it going, man?”
“Shootin’ the breeze, man.”
“And also anyone who wants to know who is actually saying what here. It’s not like we’ve got, oh…” *does a quick head count* “Five people in this scene! Nope, we can just carry on and assume everyone knows who’s saying what! And if they disagree, they die!”
“Come with me, Chris,” Sonya said. “There’s someone I want you to meet.”
Let me guess, Cassie and Jacqui? Because we all know this fic isn’t complete without you being around a woman. It’s like if you hang around men for ten minutes you might actually turn gay, and who would want that, right?
Chris followed Sonya to the Conference Room. Chris caught a glimpse of a two girls, the blonde one wearing tactical gear with two holsters with Springfield Armory XD pistols and half-shaven with a ponytail. The other is African-American with cornrows. She’s wearing her U.S. Army with a silver bulletproof vest. She also has some type of armwear and upon close inspection, the armwear is equipped with shotgun barrels, something he’s never seen before.
At least this time, the first thing he describes is their weapons, and not their… um… bazookas…
“Sargeant, this is Chris, no last name.
Wait, what? How does a person not have a last name in this day and age?
Good God, you might as well call him M3 if that’s true!
He worked for us for over 20 years. He’s currently retired. Chris, this is daughter, Cassie.”
“Mom told me a lot about you, Chris.” They shook hands.
I’d make a joke about how they would fuck in a few chapters, but really now: knowing this fic, would you be at all surprised if they started fucking right after this meeting?
“This is my friend, Jacqui Briggs, daughter of Jackson Briggs.”
“I’d shake your hand, but…”
“Yea, these… you’d set them off accidentally,” Jacqui said.
Yes, because we all know that Jacqui wears those cuffs 24/7. Because that makes fucking sense. Not like creating more character models wouldn’t be a strain of resources that a dev team would like to avoid, nooooooo…
“Yea, I’ve never seen those.”
Sonya explains: “Those are prototypes. We are making these as the new generation of military weaponry. Jacqui was the first to test it.”
Oh. Oh! So the death of a major character didn’t warrant being shown, but the explanation of how a side character’s weaponry works did?
Priorities, author! Learn them!
“I noticed they have shotgun barrels.”
“Oh yeah, but they also fire rockets.”
“So interesting, in fact, that we’re just going to skip any further dialogue to get to the sex, right?”
“Anyway, Chris, I know you retired, but we may need you again,” said Sonya.
“What’s going on?”
I don’t know what he could possibly do given that the plot regurgitation happened all around him to absolutely zero changes whatsoever, but please, do enlighten us!
“Jacqui, could you give us a minute?”
Wait, why is Jacqui—?
Jacqui leaves the room and it’s just Chris, Sonya and Cassie. Sonya locks the door.
Oh, for fuck’s… Don’t tell me this is going to be another goddamn sex scene already!
“Cassie, I want to talk to you.”
A new chapter, that’s what.
Speaking of which, yes, we’re in the new chapter, folks!
“I dont’ want to put Chris on the spot, but, long ago, before me and your father got married, Chris and I… had sex.”
Wow, really. You’re just opening with that, right out of the fucking blue? Weren’t you supposed to be talking tactics, here? God, I knew this fic had a one-track mind when it came to Chris’ interactions with female characters, but I didn’t think it was this one-track!
Cassie was shocked by the news, and looked at Chris, who is completely embarassed.
Oh hey, Chris is displaying a completely logical reaction to Sonya just mentioning this out of the blue! Who’d’a thunk it?
“You had sex with my mother?!” Cassie yelled.
“Please… Jacqui might have her face pressed against the crack.”
“That’s fucked up! You’re a war veteran but…”
“Cassie, please understand.
Yeah, because there sure is so much understanding to be had when you tell your daughter out of the blue “hey, you know the guy I called as back-up, yeah, I fucked him before I married your dad, have fun!”
I don’t know where you’ve been in the past 18 years, Sonya, but most people do not have the comfort level around discussions about sex that KSI and his dad have…
Long ago, he was in love with a woman named Tanya from Edenia.”
“Enough, Cassie. He loved that woman, and… I took advantage. It’s just that I knew what she was talking about when they had sex. I wanted to feel it myself.”
And now, eighteen years later, we get an explanation for why she jumped his bones like that?
Honey, you are writing porn. What’s more, you’ve been writing porn for fourteen chapters at this point, across… shit, I don’t remember how many sex scenes. I think half this fic has been nothing but sex. Or has it been less than half? I don’t know.
Either way, I think it’s a bit late to start justifying all the sex scenes with in-character reasoning! Especially since half the time, they came out of nowhere anyway.
Chris sat next to Sonya as she explains this.
“He felt real good.” Chris slowly placed his hand on Sonya’s thigh.
‘Does Dad know about this?”
“No.” Chris massages her thigh. Sonya’s hand slowly crept towards his member.
“We are divorced, hun. I know how you feel about it.”
Sonya found Chris’ member and slid her hand in his pants to stroke it.
Wait, you’re not seriously going to start fucking in front of your daughter, are you?
“What are you doing, mom?”
She caught Sonya’ s hand in Chris’ pants, stroking him slowly.
Cassie gasped as Sonya pulls out Chris’ member in front of her and proceeds to slide it in her mouth.
What… I… I can’t…
Cassie had no idea what to think,
MAKE THAT TWO OF US!
but seeing Chris’ member being lovingly devoured by her mother made her moan softly. She reaches her hand between her legs and caressed her vagina. She then decided to sit next to him.
“So, you fucked my mother, huh?” He nodded yes. Sonya removed her pants and unbuttoned her jacket. Cassie caught a glimpse of his penis. “Like what you see, Cassie?” Cassie’s mouth began to water.
“It’s so big and thick…?”
“Well, Chris, time to show Cassie what she’ll be working with.” Sonya climbs on to Chris’ lap, kisses him and slides him in.
Literally, what do you even say to this?
Sonya Blade is having sex in front of her daughter. She is literally having sex in front of her daughter, and talking like Chris is going to fuck her. Which, granted, it is this fic so that’s not that surprising, but why the fuck is Sonya so nonchalant and even encouraging about this? And she’s treating it all like a fucking primer for Chris to do the nasty with Cassie. Yeah, she’s giving Cassie a taste of Chris’s cock…
…which gets more disturbing when you consider Cassie’s age. Oh, yeah, it gets worse. So, you know that it’s an 18-year time skip, right? Well, due to the fact that MKX is not exactly explicit with when in that 18-year time skip Cassie was born, Chris fucking Cassie might technically be considered statutory rape! So this is Sonya Blade, possibly in the throes of not caring that she might be condoning a sexual crime!
*headdesk* *headdesk* *headdesk* *headdesk* *headdesk* *headdesk* *headdesk* *headdesk*
I can’t… I can’t even. I just can’t even. Next you’ll tell me Sonya will take this time to debrief Chris on his mission, while his attention is stolen by the vagina currently writing his dick!
She rode him slowly. It’s been 18 long years since he had sex, but he felt it was time to get back in the game. Chris began rubbing her body and thighs while Sonya took him deep.
“I want you to know that you need to join my daughter on a solo mission.”
I give up. I just… I give up. I literally can’t be assed right now. I just literally can’t even be assed.
I know this is Mortal Kombat porn, but come the fuck on, man! Even porn has some standards!
*headdesk* *headdesk* *headdesk*
Right, so Sonya hands the debriefing off to Cassie (which is probably the only smart idea that anybody in this fic presently has), and then Cassie tells Chris they’re investigating D’Vorah. In between lewd comments, we eventually get to this:
Chris looks at Cassie lickin’ her lips. Oh, yes. She wants the D!
“I wouldn’t mind fucking her,” he said.
“Oh, you will fuck her, Chris. You’re leaving tonight.”
“Don’t worry, Chris. I’ll be gentle.
Chris continues pumping hard and deep.
Cassie comes to Chris’ face and whispers:
“You know you want me. Once we set up camp, I will be ready.”
You know, just in case you doubted my word that Chris was about to commit statutory rape and all that.
Anyway, they then finish up the sex, they then leave the tent, and then Johnny comes up and says:
Johnny came to her. “What are you smiling about?”
Sonya replied,” Our soldier is, let’s just say, ready for anything, and I mean… anything.” Sonya’s thought of Chris inside her kept her smiling. Johnny, on the other hand, is completely clueless.
Great, so our hero fucked a woman in full view of her mother, right after he fucked her mother in front of her. I mean, I think age differences are hot, but holy shit!
I just don’t even…
I’ll see you guys next week. I need some fucking strong-ass vodka right about now, and I have the feeling Smirnoff ain’t gonna do jack shit.