1537: Profesor Lupus and the Curse of the Wearwolf – Chapter Two and ThreePosted: September 19, 2016
Title: Profesor Lupus and the Curse of the Wearwolf
Topic: Harry Potter / Lord of the Rings
URL: Chapter Two
Critiqued by The Wheel
In the first chapter of this fic, a teenage Remus Lupin (he’s called “Lupus” in this story for some reason) received a Howler that told him he had been admitted into Hogwarts. Apparently he got his acceptance letter on the very day he was supposed to start school, even though in the books it seems like most students get their letters a month or two beforehand. Lupus then rode a bus to Platform “Nine Three Forty,” which I assume is meant to be Platform 9 ¾ at King’s Cross Station. Oddly, the evil wizard Saruman from Lord of the Rings was riding on the bus too, and he and Lupus acted like they knew each other.
Since these chapters are so short, I’m going to start doing two at a time. So without further ado, here’s Chapter 2!
Chapter 2 Diagonale Alliey
After a few ours the bus maked to station nine thre forty and sauruman and Lupus got off. “We need to by the sypllies for Hogrorts before we get the trian” said Lupus and so then went to Diangonal Aleye for buygin wizard supplys!
You should have done that before going to the station. King’s Cross is not located in Diagon Alley!
“Wait there I will get us the book” said Sauruman and then Lupus went to but his wand from Olivandars wand shop.
He went to “but” his wand? Is he going to stick a wand up his butt? That sounds painful. Also, Saruman told him to stay “there” and wait. What will happen if Saruman returns before Lupus and can’t find him? I’m not sure where “there” is supposed to be. Probably somewhere in the Formless Void.
“Hello Oliveranders” said prof. Lupus “I want to buy a wand from you.” “Ok” said Olivaldners “I will give you best wand in my shop it is a powar wand use it well!”
Now, in the Harry Potter series, wands are pretty much equal to each other, with the exception of the Elder Wand. The degree of a wand’s power depends on the skill of the wizard who uses it. But if Mr. Olivander did have an extra-powerful wand, why would he just hand it out to some random kid he’d never met before? What’s so special about Lupus?
“Ok” relyed Lupus and he went to meat Sauruman who had by the books for the lesson at Hogwerats.
So Saruman only bought books, and Lupus only bought a wand? How are they going to make it through the school year? It’s possible that Saruman bought Lupus’s books as well as his own, but Lupus definitely didn’t buy a wand for Saruman; he was only shown buying one for himself. This is why Hagrid had to go along with Harry Potter the first time he went to Diagon Alley, to make sure he got everything.
Then they wented back to palform for train and got on the train and finded a seat. In the seat was also professor Macdonagol she was not old she was teenager aswel becayse it was past. “Hello Macdonaghol” said prof. Lupus “are you to hogwrots skhool of whizardcraft too” “yes I am” said Mcdonagold and so they sated in cabin together.
Professor Minerva McGonagall was not a contemporary of Remus Lupin. She is much older than him and was already a teacher by the time he was a student. This author has made McGonagall the same age as Lupus so he can use her as a stand-in for Hermione.
And the really dumb thing about this is that Remus had plenty of real friends at Hogwarts in the books, like the Potters, Sirius Black, and Wormtail. KingAurthr2 could have included them in the story. He didn’t have to resort to making McGonagall the wrong age or bringing in a character from another series. None of Remus’s canonical classmates will appear in this story at all.
Now for Chapter 3, where we meet the villain of the piece…
Chapter 3 Atack on the Train
Suddn the train begun to stop with a loudly creaank! “Oh not if it is an attack!” cryed macdonagald.
Oh great, they’re not going to make Minerva a stereotypical weak and helpless female, are they? Minerva McGonagall is supposed to be a strong, brave woman who rarely shows fear. Of course, it’s possible that she was different as a kid, and hadn’t yet gained the confidence she displays as the Head of Gryffindor House during Harry’s school years. But again, she really shouldn’t be a student in this story at all.
“no one panic this is a attack but we will be safed” said a noise it was the voice ofer the speaker and it was Bumbeldore (since he is a very old he is only normal age man in past).
Ha! That’s got to be the funniest misspelling of “Dumbledore” I’ve ever seen! Calling him “Bumbeldore” makes him come across a bumbling idiot, rather than the wise and helpful man he is in canon. Then again, this version of Albus Dumbledore really is a bumbling idiot, so I guess it’s a pretty apt name after all.
According to the Harry Potter Wiki, Dumbledore was 115 when he died. That means he was probably 70 or 80 during Lupin’s school days, so he was already pretty old.
“I will get this tain to hogwriots safelely!” and so Bumbelfore got up and went to fight.
Why is he on the Hogwarts Express anyway? He should already be at the school. Most teachers stay at Hogwarts year round, and only ride on the train if they’re coming to school for the first time, as Lupin himself did in Prisoner of Azkaban.
Lupus look out of windonw and he saw a drak man in a dark cloak and then Lupus gaspd it was Mouldermor who was Voldiermort father (Voldermot was not born yet it is past).
*Headdesk* *Headdesk* *Headdesk* *Headdesk*
VOLDEMORT’S FATHER WAS NOT AN EVIL WIZARD LIKE HIM! VOLDERMORT’S FATHER WAS A MUGGLE NAMED TOM RIDDLE! In fact, Voldemort’s original name was “Tom Riddle” after his father, and he changed it to “Voldemort” because the letters of his full name, “Tom Marvolo Riddle,” could be rearranged to spell “I am Lord Voldemort.” If his father’s name was actually Moldemort (I assume that’s how KingAurthr2 means to spell it even though he never actually spells it that way), that ruins it completely!
Plus, Voldemort WAS already born when Remus was at school, and had already begun his reign of terror. Why didn’t Aurthr just have Voldemort be the villain, instead of creating an OC father for him?
“Ha ha aha” Molduermort laufed
You know, it’s one thing when you misspell canon characters’ names, but it’s a whole new level of stupidity when you can’t even spell consistently the name of a character you invented yourself. I’m going to call him “Moldermore” for the rest of this riff because that’s the spelling he ends up using the most often.
“You pathetic studens cannot stop me I will make there not be any more wizard in the sckool then I have powear to take over the whole world!”
Wait, he wants to destroy ALL other wizards, not just the Muggle-borns? If that’s the case, he’s even eviler than his son Voldemort. And he’s an OC, which gives me all the more reason to hate him.
Bumdleore tried to do a spell but Molduermore turnd into dust and vanished intod the balck sky of drakness. “Oh no maybe Moluldermore will attack Hogwrots when we get to it” said Macdongaldo “yes we must be care but Bumbleore will proflect us” whisperred Saurusman and then the train arifed into Hogwrots.
Well, at least this story moves quickly. All of the real Harry Potter books take at least five or six chapters to get the characters to Hogwarts, and often as many as ten. Here, we’ve already made it to Hogwarts by the end of chapter 3. If there’s one thing you can say for KingAurthr2, it’s that he doesn’t pad out his stories with meaningless filter. See you next time!